Episode 106: Young Christian Couple's Convictions on Family Planning and Birth Control
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- čas přidán 7. 09. 2024
- We laugh through this episode, because you know . . . it can be a little awkward. And personal.
But the truth is, we know people feel very strongly about this topic because children do effect our lives in such big ways.
Coming from wonderful families of 10 and 11 children, we have always wanted a larger than average family of our own. But after having five pregnancies in four years of marriage (all before Katie was 26) we knew we needed to not just treat this flippantly, but to dive into scripture and see what God says about children, contraception, and procreation.
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"we can have 12 children and still be sinful in our hearts as we view children..." good word.
“Christ’s righteousness alone is why we have right standing before God” !! So good!!
Hi! I am listening to you guys (from Transylvania) while doing my chores…and it is so interesting that I am almost done without realizing! 😊 I am a christian aswell and a native hungarian speaker! I just wanted to share something beautiful about my language. We say “to be pregnant” in three ways! The first one which is the most common: “I am with weight!”. -> “terhes vagyok”. The second one is “ I am in a condition!” -> “ àllapotos vagyok”..(Which is a bit different than when you say “somebody has a condition… “ It is hard to translate. But the third one, witch is used mainly by christians, is:” I am in a blessed condition!” -> “Àldott àllapotban vagyok!” Which I think in English might sound corny, or weird but in Hungarian it is just beautiful! Just wanted to share this! God bless you!
My wife and I have 4 boys who were born within exactly 42 months. At that point, her uterus ruptured and her and our baby nearly died during delivery. He was immediately rushed to a different hospital an hour away and wasn't breathing on his own.
I had repented from my attitude on kids from the first 7 years of our marriage, and then we went crazy having them fast.
I've really been struggling with caring for my wife's body, by not having more kids, while still wanting more kids and having to use family planning methods to avoid it.
This video was very helpful. Thank you both.
I think it's very important to mention natural family planning via fertility awareness and cycle tracking in this context, don't you think so? It's so important for women to get in touch with their bodies again. I know it is not a 100% proof method for every women. some have cycles that are too unpredictable, but for a married couple I'd think it would be very important to know that a woman is only fertile for about 4 days every month... who would agree?
It is joint male/female fertility that determines the length of abstinence needed to avoid pregnancy. A woman is only ovulating about 24-48 hours but sperm can live inside the vagina up to 6 days potentially. So 7/8 days of abstinence is required to be actively doing NFP.
Idk if any Christians are reading this but I rarely see 1 Corinthians 7:5 mentioned in these talks. (I haven’t finished watching the video so idk if it will be here). It’s biblical to avoid sex inside marriage in order to pray (about family size or whatever) but make sure to be “reunited” as soon as possible.
Family planning can certainly be a great tool but let’s not forget a woman’s strongest desire to be with her husband is during ovulation, I think we all understand why is that 😊
I always took "be fruitful and multiply" to mean spread God's word so that we can grow and multiply the number of believers in this world
Here in 2024 as I’m feeling very convicted about my IUD. This was very helpful. Thank you 🙏🏻
Amen I needed to hear this. Thank you guys this really blessed me after 2 under 2 I was struggling thanks for this reminder about giving God my WHOLE body not withholding any part from him
I love all the stuff you guys talked about and agree that kids are a HUGE blessing but that we can also space them out more if we feel like we need some extra time to strengthen our bodies so that we are healthy for the children that we already have :)
I'm 31 and my husband is 33, we have 5 kids 7 and under, the youngest is 5 months. First four are girls and 5th one is a boy. We couldn't get pregnant for the 1st 3 years of marriage and when I did get pregnant, I had a miscarriage at 3 months. I had a couple kids crash into me and one had elbowed me on the lower spin. I felt a sharp pain and at that point I just knew....I don't blame at all those kids but it did hurt... It hurt emotionally and the process actually hurt really bad to, it was all natural, I didn't got to the hospital. 5 months later I got pregnant with my daughter. We had her at the most perfect time of our marriage. God knows when was the best time of our lives to start having our kids. And from there we love having kids and want a big family. We get negative comments....from my parents and siblings and others, things like we are just being religious, stop having kids. I love having them, we love kids. We love how different they all are. We love the warm of our big family!
I thought this was a great way to open up the conversation. The “awkward” moments were pretty hilarious too 😂. I have seen the devastation infertility causes in families, a wound not so easily healed. I don’t know that God doesn’t want them or choose for them to have children, rather we live in a fallen world where disease and illness occur to believers and non-believers alike. And healing doesn’t come to everyone, even when they ask the Lord for it, as much as we would like to think or hope that it would. I also want to add that children are a huge blessing but they can also be the most challenging thing anyone ever experiences. I have two kids and both of them have very scary diagnosis at extremely young ages. I’ve seen my babies suffer, I’ve grieved as a mother in a way I never thought possible. Do I think they are blessings, OF COURSE. But along with that blessing comes pain and heartache and so much GROWTH. Can I have more? Physically yes, but I think everyone needs to go before the Lord when planning. Everyone’s experience is different. It was really nice to hear your thoughts on the matter. I think you guys hit the nail on the head!
Totally agree!! I was blessed with one amazing son!! I got severely sick when he was only two and unfortunately due to health issues I had to pray and trust that just having one child was best. Also, some people, like myself, are mentally and physically only able to handle one child. I do believe in some situations like mine, less is better. But I admire those that can have many and be full of energy and life! It amazes me truly that women can be blessed with many children and be able to keep up with it all. Great podcast!!!
Please learn your cycles. Natural family planning is God's way. We have 6 kids 14 and younger. Sometimes we have to wait a few days but it's worth it. Like you say, rare makes it fun. Don't contracept God's design. Babies are not in our control. Bit sex is in our control. Prayers
I totally agree with you, but it's very difficult when you have irregular cycles... we will have our 3rd baby when our first will be 3, and tried this method with no or little succes ... but we love our children and we are trying to fully trust God in this area too...
Many women do not have regular periods making it impossible to track
found your podcast about a week ago! yall are such a breath of fresh air. My husband and I are looking to start a podcast and yall are giving me courage and inspiration 🙌🏽 and hooray for tackling a big topic!
So so good!! Thank you both for being vulnerable enough to share on this topic.
This was a great podcast! Very balanced views, looking at scripture and the whole scope of things. I love that your families didn't push you one way or the other. And you guys are hilarious!
Wow! Thank you two for making this video. It is great to hear from a young Christian couple who is in such a similar stage of life. My husband and I have 4 kids. Two boys and two girls that are ages 2-7. We are homeschooling and feeling very busy. We are going through tough times of job loss and depression and it's so hard to feel ready for more kids. Is it wrong to want to be done at some point do you think? I want us to be thriving with the children we do have and not adding more purposefully when we are in survival mode and struggling. Making plans and letting God direct our steps is such a great mindset that you brought up. I want to have an open mind to God giving us more if he sees fit, I know they would be a blessing. Thanks for being so open and honest! God bless you as you raise your kids for him!
This is good stuff it definitely helped me have a better mindset on this thank you 🥰
I'm so glad!
Hi you guys! What a joy to see your openness to God's plan for your lives. I wonder if you're familiar with the book 'Our Bodies Tell God's Story' by Christopher West?
I do agree with most of what you said in your video. There comes a time when you have to make righteous judgment if you can handle your children that you already have. Putting yourself in situations where you are stressed out all the time and you cannot control the children you already have, I don't think God would want you to go through the pain of it all. My husband and I stopped at three children. We have two boys and one girl. We are pretty much content. At the time when I had my last child, which was a girl, we had decided to tie my tubes. We are so glad that I decided to do that because children do grow up and they don't stay little forever and the stresses of taking care of them, disciplining them, and all else is a hard thing especially when you have a child with ADHD, Autism or any other type of disability. I'm not saying that we should have not tied my tubes and continue to have more children because we had children very early on in our marriage and they kept coming back to back. At times I do feel like maybe another baby would take away some of the stress. But then I look at children and they grow up. I don't want to go through anymore pain the way I'm already going through right now. Big families look nice, but at the same time I see families that are large who have a whole bunch of children and they're making the older children take care of the younger children. I don't think that's what God called children to do is to take care of their siblings and responsibly that's supposed to be for the parents. You can say all you want, be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth, which I do agree with. You have to know what you can handle. The decision is between you and God to decide what you can handle. If only two or three children are what you can handle, so be it. Large families struggle a lot financially. I don't think God wants people to struggle in life. Especially financially. If you are just going to have a lot of children and just sit and be broke, be property then how fun is that for your children. It seems depressing. I know you guys stated that lavish things in life are not important. I do agree but at the same time if you can't even afford food for your children and not alone take your children anywhere, then what's the point of even having more children. Yes, you could say they could live on a farm and but everybody can't afford that type of lifestyle. Especially nowadays. I just don't like when people is forcing down other people's throat on how many children they should have or how many children they shouldn't have or they should be fruitful multiply because that's what the Bible says. That's all good, but to each his own. Do what you want to do I'm not going to hell because I only had three and neither is my husband because he told me time or tubes. God is happy with our decision. I'm glad that we don't have more children because I would have been more stressed. Having more children is a conversation between you, your spouse, and God. No one can tell you otherwise. Our God's blessings. People just need to do what's best for them. God does not make any mistakes. If God wants me to have more children then no conception will stop God's power in blessing our family with more children. Children are expensive. In today's economy they cost a lot of money. Public school is not for our family and homeschooling is not for our family. We tried both. So now we are going to put our children in a Christian private school in the fall. If we had a bunch of children we would not be able to afford it. You're done with this conversation.
I have 4under4 and I’m pregnant with my 5th, all unplanned. Last one I was on birth control. Others were “pull out” lol. I hated being on the birth control, it made me depressed. thank you for this video. I’m getting pregnant way faster than anyone I know and everyone I know basically hints at us getting on a better birth control or snip snip. I don’t have a number of kids in mind, and I also am scared of becoming 19 kids and counting too 😂 I relate to you guys so much. Birth control always felt wrong to me even tho I didn’t grow up thinking it was wrong but it was encouraged.
We've had 9 children in 13 1/2 years (one stillbirth). One thing I've realized is that I have to be very proactive with my health - both with nutrition and exercise that repairs the pelvic floor and diastasis muscles after pregnancy. I also try to watch my weight and lost weight (in a reasonable way) pretty quickly after the pregnancy so that I'm ready for the next one. Most of our children are about 20 months apart.
Currently 32 weeks pregnant with #11. (6 girls,4 boys so far)
My husband and I have heard it all. Particularly from other Christians. 😢
When people would lecture me about how many children we were having and perhaps you should put a stop to it. I'd curtly inform them that everytime they push the issue, I'd go and have another kid just to spite them. That usually stopped it.
They started lecturing me like that after the birth of #3.
What can I say? God has a sense of humour. 😜😂🤣
Although we still get comments every now and then. And I like even numbers. So #12 is in the planning. 😂
Wow any update?
Hola mi
🥰 GOD Bless you.
🙌 for #12 (and beyond!)
Fill the 🌍!
I ❤ big families.
Coming in late
Any words of advice- my heart wants a large family but since I was not raised around kids and am easily stressed. Having 2 toddlers and one newborn has been really challenging for me. I am saddened by the fact I don't feel like it's very "fun". It's actually super hard going through hills and valleys all day long and i feel like I'm not cut out for it. I pray, but my heart hasn't changed fully yet. I pray that God stretches me and my patience but I also feel like I don't want to FEEL like this all the time or for the restof my life if I continue to have children.
@@slee7991 I have ADHD (inattentive type), Autism (level 1) and the executive functioning area (the organisation centre of our brain) of my brain isn't working as well as it should. So I have my challenges.
1)Eat a healthy, well balanced diet,take vitamins (I prefer organically sourced) and get some exercise in the fresh air as much as you can.
2) Get a full blood panel from your doctor. Check hormones,vitamin D3 levels, iron and iron stores etc it's amazing how it can affect you when it's out of whack.
3)Get in the word of God. Stay off mainstream media
4) if you can, seek out large family mother's and ask their advice and form a friendship if you can.
5)Check your own mental health, keep a journal, find a hobby, take regular baths with bubbles.
6) find a mums group. 😊
7) lean on your husband for support and advice. Is there anything in your life that might be adding to stress?
8) Pray and ask God to help you learn and grow as a mum. I may have 11 children, (my youngest is 22 months now😊) but I've had to be willing to grow and change with my kids. I've had to tell myself to "pull up my bootstraps" and get on with it. I was the youngest of 4 and my husband the oldest of 3.
Thank you for making this video, there's so many different and confusing opinions about this. We have 6 children, seven and under and they are such a blessing but people have definitely given us a lot of negative feedback including our parents and it is hard on my body so it's hard see clearly what the right thing to do is. I've been convicted about the verse about our bodies being a temple, and thinking about how I would treat a temple and take care of it and whether or not I'm doing that well.
Your convictions are beautiful ❤ My husband and I use NFP with the Clearblue Monitor and sticks. It tells you exactly the days you’re fertile and not fertile. Works for getting pregnant and avoiding pregnancy
It’s interesting how that story you mentioned from the Bible about Onan spilling his seed is used to say that God is against “birth control” or family planning.
The story has nothing to do with preventing children (or spacing out kids and family planning), it’s about him not wanting to continue his older bothers lineage. That was a command from God and his was breaking that command and therefore God destroyed him. Not because he was just not wanting to have kids.
Exactly! So many get this one wrong!
This is completely inaccurate
@@catholicwife what exactly?
He didn’t want a child, isn’t that what birth control does
Ngl knowing you both were from big families I was interested to hear what you had to say to see if I had missed something in scripture but was also nervous you might quote something that isn’t an in-context-application to our lives under the New Covenant… I loved your approach, your humility and your gentleness calling out a misapplication of a described story in the OT etc and encouraging folks to - as you have said else where… “bring your brain and your Bible”!! And also a robust challenge to not view children the same way the world does. In the UK I know 2 families that have more than 5 kids. I know a lot of Christians. We are culturally VERY different! If you have 3 it’s considered a lot here.
Please look into natural family planning. I also believe that it’s ok to have a rest, but every single Act needs to be inherently open to conception. God bless y’all, you seem so open to God’s desire for you.
I have no problem with birth control or natural family planning.
The Collins Kids - Mom talks about this and I believe the fruit it it!
Shouldn’t we trust God with our wombs? Shouldn’t we give our bodies to the Lord and have faith that he will bless us with a child when he knows WE and our bodies are ready. The only way anything could go wrong is when we sin and dont trust him.
“Elisha hasn’t died yet” 🤣🤣🤣
I want to know the condom argument story 😂😂😂 sounds very relatable tbh
I really believe using diaphragm and spermicidal medicine is a sin against your covenant of marriage. We are called to give ourselves completely to each other and to be open to the life giving aspect of the act. Please look into tracking your cycle and abstaining from sex.
Very very good explanation on the subject of family planning!
Mom of 8 here- 18 down to 1, do you nurse on demand?
I let my babies nurse as often as they want/ no pacifier- all day/night It keeps fertility/period away for longer.
I’m surprised her cycle restarted so quickly when she said she was nursing. I had low supply, so had to supplement with formula and even that kept my period away for 6 months.
I nursed on demand. I’m pregnant with #5 and my oldest is 4. So that theory didn’t work for me. In still nursing my 4th kid on demand and he’s 11 mos
You guys are awesome. Good conversation.
So, I think what was sinful with the guy (Onan) in the Old Testament was that he was willing to have sex with the widow, and be pleasured by her. He didn't have a problem with sex. He "got there." But he refused her the ability to have a child.
Back then, if a woman wasn't married and didn't have children to look after her, she was destitute. Inheritance traveled through the oldest male relative, and just about everyone had to farm or do physically demanding labor to be able to grow and eat food. Shoveling dirt, pushing a plow with oxen, fending off thieves. You really needed a strong man to do those things. So that's why it was a law back then. It was a way to look after widowed family members. They were taken in and it was considered a family responsibility to give her a chance to have children, specifically a son, so that she wouldn't be left broke, with no one to provide or care for her.
So God saw what he did as evil because he was willing to use her body for his own physical pleasure, but he didn't want to fulfill his family responsibility to ensure that she was cared for. It had nothing to do with pulling out being wrong, and everything to do with his unwillingness to give her a retirement plan and not be left a beggar or be reduced to prostitution to make ends meat.
In that same story, Tamar the widow) dressed up as a prostitute to get Judah (her Father in Law) to sleep with her. She gets pregnant and is about to be burned alive, but catches Judah Red handed and says, I'm pregnant by the man who gave me this cord, and he says to the woman, "You're more righteous than I." Because he was the one sleeping around after his wife died, but was about to hypocritically kill her for doing the same thing, except she wasn't doing that at all. She was dressed up to get the guy to sleep with her who was supposed to give her his next son in marriage to sleep with her inorder to give her a son to avoid losing their family house, property, animals, wealth, and to care for her in old age. God is against men using women for sex, but not actually caring for them. This is what was evil. Not family planning.
I'm actually shocked that people would think the point of this story is to tell people that cumming, not in your wife's vagina, is sinful. They must be blind. If they think the moral of the story is that having kids like bunnies is a mandatory command and prevention is evil in God's sight -- if that's what they went away with, then they totally missed the heart of it and what was going on.
It was sinful to just use the woman’s body, I agree; but he was also selfish in that he didn’t want the responsibility of a child, which was also wrong, he practiced birth control, there’s no way around it. On the other hand God may not be punishing people for refusing to grow their family but I highly doubt He’s pleased when we being completely able to do so refuse.
its not biblical to tell couples to have babies when they WANT and FEEL like it
its biblical to tell couples to intentionally put their faith in GOD's timing
GOD knows whats best WE DONT.
For he was yet in the loins of his father when Melchisedec met him. Hebrew 7:10
Would love to hear you talk about the concept of people that can’t have children should they accept that the lord doesn’t want them to have children or pursue a scientific approach and go the route of IVF? What would your family do if this was your case? As someone who has suffered with infertility I often wonder how the religious communities view this issue. Also most birth control methods do not involve any abortion, for example the pill simply prevents you from ovulating which means no egg and sperm will ever meet. Same for the condom as it’s just a barrier.
Most (if not all) pills have a second line of defense should an egg become fertilized while taking the pill. The womb is made to be inhospitable to the fertilized egg and instead of implanting, that tiny little human life dies.
I personally do not agree with IVF either. At least not when eggs are fertilized and then saved for an indefinite amount of time. Many of them simply die or are destroyed 😔 and even if all of the eggs are implanted, it's with the assumption that some will probably die.
@@nataliebrubacher6470 I didn't know this. And I'm curious to know more.
Would you mind sharing sources or additional information about this?
@@deegassaway6854 hi, it's been a while since I left this comment and was learning about this myself.... I'll see if I can find any of the resources that I had seen regarding this to share with you
@@nataliebrubacher6470 thanks for replying! And (in advance) for the information ❤ this topic really interests me but I don't like randomly "googling" things because there is no real way of knowing what to trust nowadays.
I value good information and appreciate your help.
Be well 😊 ✌
And thanks again.
♡ D.
And Elijah hasn't died yet...Elijah----> 😐😑 lol... My husband and I have discussed all of this in the beginning of our marriage and came to the conclusion that pull out methods just wouldn't feel natural... What works is just being intimate when it's natural to be intimate... I would only describe that as being intimate as led ...and taking a break for a while after babies....returning to normal intimacy about six months after..lol
Isn't BREASTFEEDING being used to also prolong the period of not getting pregnant? Why wouldn't you feel guilty about that?
Breastfeeding does not prevent you from getting pregnant.
@@BrittanyJJCRosas depends on the body, from what the doctors say. The moment i stopped breastfeeding ( because i wanted my 4th so that the gap won't get bigger between children), the hormone then shifted to working on ovulation, right away i became pregnant!
That's a Myth 😂 I got my periods back within 2 months of birth even though I was breastfeeding exclusively.
I’ve never heard of anyone receiving good breastfeeding tips from doctors. But I do know that Midwives and Lactation consultants both make it very clear that we’re fertile and still ovulate even when we’re breastfeeding whether the women has a period while breastfeeding or not. And considering I got pregnant again only 10 weeks after having my first born despite the fact that I was exclusively breastfeeding I’m gonna go with “breastfeeding does not prevent pregnancy” 😆😆
@@thesmiths629I did not get my period, untill i stopped b-feeding. That was at 19 months of breastfeeding.
Also, it lets space and energy to adopt a child in need, who cannot stay with his/her family because of violence, sexual abuse, drugs...
These poor souls also need to be seen and need a place in Christian families. Very often these kids are traumatized and a Christian family is the best place for them to be.
I know a lot of Christians struggle to know what is right. But marriage is supposed to be fruitful faithful total and free and when one performs the act with their spouse it’s supposed to include all of those. We are to be open to life at all times. This is what the Catholic Church teaches at least. Now, there are a lot of people that say they’re Catholic but they don’t know that if they don’t accept the teachings of the Church they are actually no longer Catholic. Anyway a lot of these people are ignorant or they just don’t follow this because of how the our Church was reformed after Vatican II but Traditional Catholics know this and follow this teaching. I see newborn babies at our Church Parish about every couple of months. This is God’s design not ours to mingle with. God Bless.
Thanks for watching and for your comment. We love seeing new babies in church!
Yes but it is important to know that the Catholic Church also teaches that natural family planning can be used. They talk about it being used in grave circumstances. What are these circumstances? They can be financial, physical demands and health related. It is better for a mothers body if a mother can have about 18 months of recovery in between pregnancies. Traditional Catholics typically have large families this is true and wonderful! Father Chad Ripperger has a talk or conference on this subject. He says it is not the goal to have as many babies as you can but to be open to the possibility unless there is a grave circumstance. In those situations NFP should be used. I am sure if you google it you can find the talk. Luckily the Catholic Church also has the catechism detailed out from the beginning so you can see there the churches teaching on the subject of contraception.
Great content! I recommed you the book The Adventist Home by E. G. White. It puts biblical teachings on family into perspective. I think you will enjoy it.