Yup. I once expressed my feelings to my ex years back. She acted all touchy and sad for me, but then a few days later she started using it against me. "Go wallow in your sadness."
Ironic how my wife wanted me to open up emotionally. When I finally started to, she left. Found a new guy and moved on as if we hadn’t been married for 14 years. I even explained to her how I felt if I opened up that I was always afraid of how her and the kids would react. I’m supposed to be the rock, stoic, unbreakable. But if I appear broken, how would they feel or react. If I cried, would they sink too?! Nope. She walked away. Even though I stuck by her side during her depression and anxiety, and her stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. The moment I sank, it was so easy to move on for her. It’s mind boggling and tragic all at once. Makes me question all women. The idea of what love and support is from a partner. I can’t help but be left feeling like the only positive that came out of our marriage was our kids. Everything else just feels like a wasted effort. I lost just about everything in this divorce and I’m left feeling like I don’t even want to put any effort into anyone else. I’m over her, it took awhile. But it still crushed my spirit and perception.
I go to therapy and I struggle for vulnerability. Being vulnerable is hard, but then again, it is more an issue of being perceived as weak rather than an issue of weakness. I came to understand that people who perceive me weak after being vulnerable are the people who always perceived me as weak. Their perception did not change from me being vulnerable and open, they were waiting for their own confirmation. That's why I always keep a good reminder, I can cry in your arms, or I can break them, remember that.
I wish there were more people in the word like you with this understanding. Especially when you point out the well-poisoning "toxic" label that helps nobody. Awesome YT short.
I don't trust her either, I'll bet a yearly income once a guy shows emotion to her she will leave him or sooner or later will use it against him. I've seen women like her claiming they are not like others and want me to open up. They said exactly the same and then then used it agsinst me. No I don't trust her
@@MADxHAWK didn't say anything about trust, you might have replied to the wrong comment. I probably wouldn't trust her without first getting to know her. I was just agreeing with the sentiment that manliness isn't inherently "toxic" and that calling men by this dogwhistle, you're actively not helping the problems men face.
Intellectuals, especially those of social fields, are SUPER BAD at naming things, I've found. "Toxic Masculinity" isn't just... you're toxic for being a man. Nor that Masculinity is itself toxic. It's the *specific* Masculine behaviors and Expectations placed upon men that are toxic to *everyone.* Including the men. Toxic Masculinity is just the bits of the masculine ideal that create problems. So, yeah, this is the end result of toxic masculinity and probably also is that, but the name "Toxic Masculinity" to describe it is so very, very bad that mentioning it seems like an attack, so it BECAME an attack. I wish Sociologists could learn to name things so they don't sound as stupid/malicious as possible. 99% of such terms are mundane and reasonable once you learn what they *actually* were meant to mean instead of how they get interpreted based on the really stupid names.
A man finally breaks down and shares his feelings with you it's because he trusts you. IF you tear him down or insult his feelings, you best believe that shit will NEVER happen again. Congrats you just manufactured your very own emotionally unavailable man. WAY. TO. GO.
I’ll go one further: if I get vulnerable with the woman I’m dating and she uses it against me, and we talk about it and she doesn’t realize (or take steps to correct) what she did, I’m breaking up with her right then and there. Thank you, next!
@@HellRazor1281 nah. At this point they've been told about it more than enough by men in general. If she abuses your trust after you show vulnerability, dump her immediately.
Even the mother example is kinda shaky because mine did not want me to cry at all and it conditioned me to shut out from people and my emotions. Until I found my current girlfriend, it took near half a year to open up and as scary as it was Im so happy Ive learned how to properly express myself again including crying without feeling fear of judgement. There are some who wont care if you do show that soft side and its sad to hear how rare it is these days.
My mother is the second least trustworthy human I have ever met. Other humans more trustworthy than her that I have met include but are not limited to: George W. Bush Barack H. Obama Donald J. Trump Richard B. Cheney Rod Blagoyevich Saddam Hussein Richard Durbin and John McCain
The worst part is having to explain this to your boys. A buddy recently drunk called me (going through things) and was apologetic that he wasn't a good friend. I asked him why he thought that and he mentioned how I've had to deal with his venting before, but he's never had to deal with mine. I told him I don't vent to anyone unless we're in person or it comes to mind while on a phone call. I don't typically look to vent to anyone, but I do when the opportunity presents itself. I had to explain how we as men don't typically look to vent until we feel like it's a good time to do so or it's just too much to hold I'm (in this case, him at the moment due to the alcohol). It opened his eyes, but it still sucked to hear that he thought he was a burden. I have another friend like this too. It sucks to see my boys feel bad about venting.
Yeah talking about my own feelings ALWAYS ends up negatively. So many times somebody has asked me how I felt and every single time it has caused even more things to be fucked up and eventually spread around to be used against me in the future, even by the nicest best people I know. Suck it up and push it down, that’s the most important thing I’ve learned in life so far
Also, and this is a factor I've heard reported by many dudes, if they share something sensitive with you...never use that in a fight. No, not even if you are losing, because the moment you throw that in his face he will clam up tighter than fort knox and it will be entirely your fault. You'll have proven that out of the billions of people in the world, and the fraction of those he trusted with his vulnerable side, you aren't one of them and never will be. There is no walking that back.
Pretty much this. Anything shared in confidence or vulnerable used against a man simply demonstrates that you aren't to be trusted. After all, why had someone the knife to use on you for the killing blow?
@@PersonalityCoreCo yeah, to warn their friends. Cause we actually look out for our friends rather than shit on them behind their backs and smile to their faces. We aren't going to let our friends date shit women, and if you pull some shit like that on us, you won't be getting any of our buddies. And any man that violates the code is no longer in the circle.
Ive learnt to talk to my male friends, brothers and father if i want a real conversation about the issues men suffer in silence. Ive had depression since i can remember but i hide it well and i never spoke to a doctor about till i was 30. The one women i can say I actually loved in my life seemed intelligent and caring enough to open up to about the topic. I was struggling with some heavy losses which made my depression escalate so i decided for the first time in my life im gonna talk about my depression with someone who isnt a doctor. I sat my GF down one day and explained i had whats known as major depressive disorder and i was feeling particularly down due to personal issues, i told her how much i cared for her and just asked that she give me some slack if i acted sad or distracted because it would pass and i would be back to "normal" soon. She just stared at me then said in the coldest tone ive heard "every person on earth has depression so get over yourself and stop being weak!". It took all my strength not to scream at her and tell her "No! Not every human on fucking earth has a major depressive disorder! Ive had it 20 years and im still here! If you had it a month you would probably kill yourself because your so mentally weak and gutless!" I just said fuck it! It took me a lot of strength and honesty to share my secret but sadly i chose to share it with a selfish bitch who thought it was a joke or non existent! It hurts being let down like that by a long term partner but i dumped her immediately and moved on. My friends and brothers actually ended up being the ones who helped me feel normal again. They all share a mutual hatred of her for what she did and it feels good to talk about it with real men who understand and care enough to listen and offer advice! None of them said "get over it!". Adult male suicide is a pandemic in the western world and women treating their partners potential mental illness or psychological disorder as "weakness" is a big part of the problem! Its extra insulting to hear that shit from someone who you loved, looked after and helped whenever they were down or feeling sad! Im not expecting a partner to cure my condition or even treat it in any way? We just want some sign of loyalty and some kind supportive words! If a woman reacts correctly in that situation she will earn a lot of respect, loyalty and love from her BF! Remember that next time a friend or partner asks for some help or reaches out to you, when we ignore men in these situations they sadly become prone to addiction, depression and ultimately suicide! We are all our brothers keepers! 🙏👍🧐
I have opened up to one person in my life. It ruined that relationship, I went under criminal investigation, I was forced to go to therapy, and my overall life was practically ruined. Never telling another girl what really goes on in my head.
@@virtual-viking That doesn't draw a distinction between them. There isn't one so far as I can currently see. One can become the other depending on the situation.
@@Martyn_Wolf the distinction is that insecurity is a feeling while a feeling can be any number of other emotions. Insecurity is a secondary emotion based in the primary emotion of fear. Take a look at something called the emotion wheel to see what that looks like. The center will have primary emotions such as happy, sad, mad, scared, disgust, surprised. While the secondary emotions will be emotions that are based in the primary emotions so for example happy could lead to proud, sad could lead to shame, mad could lead to jealous, scared could lead to insecure, disgust could lead to disappointment, surprise could lead to confused. There are tons of other possibile secondary emotions but they all link back to a primary emotion which you experience first.
My ex would get mad at me for not being more emotional and opening up more, i started opening up and expressing what was upsetting me and she told me we need to have this conversation another time. Men can never win at this sadly.
I asked for more help around the house and she never came home the next day. From a 3 year relationship where i didn't complain about a single thing. I'm not that guy IRL but I'll scream it into the empty void of the internet, women are terrible fucks who don't deserve love. Not those I've met anyway, but I'll keep trucking along and fall in love with the next girl who opens her legs, because men sadly aren't much better. Life sucks lol
Oh... My... God...... On behalf of every man on the planet, thank you!!! It is nice to see someone trying to understand us instead of just villainizing us!!!
Try to? She nailed it and I am thrilled to see so many women advocating for the typical male experience and not only that - slowly but surely, exposing relationship abuse, psychological and physical, men and women victims, in a very precise and easily understandable fashion. Check out The Dadvocate, she truly makes me hopeful
Not all the time. Women get used for sex and are sometimes abused, children sometimes don't have caring parents in thier lives or grow up in an abusive household, and pets are sometimes abused and neglected.
There's no specific category that gets unconditional love. Every group does and can be abused and mistreated just like how they can be and are loved unconditionally
@@trevorwallace7934they were saying only women children and pets were eligible to receive unconditional love, not that all women children and pets receive it.
Mutual interest, bids, and communication. Thank you for saying this out-loud, and from a lady like you it speaks louder. I have 4 sisters, 7 mother figures and no positive male role model, so defining "being a man" has been a challenge. We are all people and we all have emotions, you get further with listening, than ignoring the issue. Thank you.
I was talking to a young guy at work. Some female coworkers overheard me tell him never open up to a woman. They all five suddenly dogpiled on me telling me i was wrong and did not let me get a word in edgewise. I just stayed quiet till they were then looked at the young guy and said "point proven".
... I actually don't get it, what's so bad about what they did? Sure it might be a knee jerk reaction but it hardly seems like something awful to happen to the guy, they were defending him???
@@jexusdomel5194 From what? Good advice? Guy tells newer guy to not open up to girls. Girls hear it and yell at 1st guy. Girls prove him right. What were they defending newer guy from?
@@kairu_aname mmh i see, they are saying that the sentiment of not opening up to girls is bad, but they technically just shunned how the first guy felt in the first place, instead of asking him why he felt that and letting him open up too. I do still think it's a bit hasty to say point proven, but it's a bit tone deaf on their part, I get it
Like what? I’m just curious. I’m seeing this reiterated in here and I genuinely want to know what it is that people are sharing that people are using again them. Only if you don’t mind me asking
@samanthagowen7299 This is a small example, but illustrative. My soon-to-be exwife and I were having a disagreement that was totally a misunderstanding. I was trying to fix the misunderstanding, but it became a battle between what I meant by what i said and what she interpreted from it. I finally broke down and unleashed some things I had been holding back about how often this kind of thing happens and how alone and misunderstood it makes me feel because my explanation has no bearing on the outcome. She's going to choose her interpretation and then get mad at me for it. After bearing a ton of stuff about that whole dynamic and how I wanted to work on it, I blurted, "And anyway, can't I just win one?" Which was partially a joke and partially a genuine expression of how exasperated I was and how I don't think she realized how often this happens and how much I come out on the short end when it does. What I was really saying was, "can't you treat me with some benefit of the doubt on stuff like this, if only this one time?" I think that was pretty clear from the way I said it and everything that I said and expressed and genuinely wanted to talk about in that conversation. Every fight after that included her saying, "I know you just want to 'win one', but to me, it's not about winning..." which is clearly a massive twisting of the whole point of that conversation and only reaffirmed for me that talking is dangerous because any quote could become *that* quote.
Ladies there are rules to getting us to open up an be vulnerable. 1 do not ever use it against him in any way. Not in a fight or play. 2 keep it to yourself. Do not tell your mother, BFF, or anyone else. If you do these either or both of these two things he will never trust you again.
@tubester4567 occasionally there is a woman who will handle it correctly. Rare, but so are wives. A woman who is wife material will follow the rules. But take 5+ years of vetting to know if she that or not.
@@nicholashenderson6941 Rule #1 Women talk to each other about EVERYTHING. Your secrets are nothing more than currency to exchange with other women in an attempt to get them to tell their man's secrets.
The minute we vent about our feelings, no matter how badly we need to get it out there, we get our hearts ripped out of our chests and fed to a wood chipper. We're emasculated in the most disrespectful way imaginable.
Twice. Both different women. We got to the point of trust and I let somethin out and it was weaponized against me both times. Feelings are nobody else's business, keep em where they belong.
Women SAY they want a man who acts more like a woman, constantly sharing his feelings, etc... but they do NOT. lol They are attracted to traditional masculine strength, regardless of what they say. Period, end of story. They are attracted to men who are stronger, taller and more masculine than they are. They are repelled by 'needy' men.
Well, while I agree the world is a tough place for good men, the answer isn't isolation. We gotta find a way to open our doors halfway, so that we give a chance to vulnerability without risking too much hurt. It's not easy to do, but it's worth it.
I wish I could be a shoulder for some man to cry on, I personally find being intune with your mote vulnerable side as a strength, because shit even as a girl its hard for me to do it... If any of you are out there reading this, and you've cried before and felt shame. Please babe don't, it's the strongest moment you can have.
This conversation, alone, is giving me a headache. I will never share anything personal with a woman only to have it weaponised against at some future date. No thankyou.
Better idea, just avoid girls who have an obvious lack of concern for those who need help and also like to bring up "competence", "dependability", and "muscle tone" as absolute requirements to be likeable.😉
@@PJCVita92 that's virtually all of them. They literally can't help it. It intrinsically triggers a disgust response in the brain. when men show vulnerability. They've done studies with brain scans.
I've had deeper conversations with men I've just met than women I've known for years. If a woman shares it it's her feelings If a man shares it it's an insecurity. If you open up to a woman she'll never see you as the same man ever again. Women think they want a man to show his vulnerability but that's a misconception. Just look at who they go for, look at how you were behaving when ones been receptive to you, you weren't being vulnerable you were being confident that competent.
You can also have a best friend who is a female and share with her, gives a good view on how women think, and best part is shes not your gf meaning you don't see her every day and don't have the whole ,,shes gonna see you as weak'' problem.
I was in the military, law enforcement and oilfield, I got weary of hearing how “stressful” my wife’s life was. 25 years of that and I’M FREE & SINGLE!
I don't know your situation so I won't judge you, but please consider that how stressful your life is does not negate or diminish the stress in the lives of others. I am disabled, but I won't bemoan the abled for complaining about their problems.
@@FurbleBurble my wife raised kids, she did an excellent job, but my jobs were measured in the safety, lives of men and hundreds of thousands of dollars in liabilities, so excuse me, but boo fucking hoo for you!
@@FurbleBurble my wife raised our kids, she did an excellent job. In my fields, if I made the wrong decisions, people died and hundreds of thousands of dollars were at stake, so spare me with your words of wisdom!
Yeah, that's the problem, hitting a man where he is weak. Also, I'm not good at hiding my feelings because that's bottling my emotions and that makes me go crazy.
Feelings aren't anyone else's business but your own. You have to weigh them. If something messes you up inside, either get it out of your life, or figure out why and adapt. Stick with the ones who make you better.
The dog lmfao- aside from the hilarious dog she’s absolutely right. Being told you’re shutting down and not sharing problems as a man doesn’t make us think “oh yeah let me tell you my problems” because shutting down is default. If you are a woman you can tell your man is having problems but he does not talk about it, grab his hand and ask him what’s wrong. Don’t get angry at us for not sharing, because our job is to not concern a girl with our problems. If you ask nicely, we’ll tell you.
Exactly. Women need to accept that there is always stuff about the internal life of a man that she will never know. Or that she is not obligated to know. Make him fucking happy, and let him randomly say deep stuff whe together if he wants to. And actually understand said deep stuff.
Last time I told a girl about my issues with my mom she ghosted me that same night. She asked me about it and was listening intently but still left me. Thats why most men never open up about issues in there life.
A mother who can watch the kids and be used to manipulate the man is a valuable resource to a woman. Many select early on for that mother-son relationship. If a woman can win over mom they can double team the man to extract more resources.
This happened to me too. She was one of my closest friends and when I finally really opened up to her (after my sister's death, mind you), she ghosted. She sat there, smiled, reciprocated and reassured. Then gone/acted like I didn't exist.
"Dont they realize other people can help them identify their problem?" That's what so many men say when they start dissecting and offer solutions to women who then get pissed and storm off cause they just want to vent and talk instead of solving the issue.
The problem with this line is most people don't know you as well as you know yourself and in the US the culture is to make snap judgements and try to solve a problem as quickly as possible so with the majority of people it's pointless to share your problems
Men tend to approach problems from a "how can I fix it" perspective, whereas women are not always looking for a solution. It can come off as very condescending and invalidating if you respond to every issue with "well just do X." We know we have to just do X. If we wanted a solution we would ask for one. Next time your partner comes to you, just ask what she needs. Its as simple as "what do you need from me right now? do you need help finding a solution or just someone to listen?" Most of the time its the latter. Offering solutions when no one asks comes off as very condescending and dismissive.
@@ohheyemmiain’t nobody go time for dat. Don’t waste men’s time bringing up your problems if you don’t want them fixed or solutions provided. You viewing someone trying to help you as condescending (which men are wired to want to help) just shows you have a serious problem. Unlike women men don’t have time for whining and not fixing an issue.
I am a therapist, and I have to say that 3/4 of what I do consists of teaching clients to not be assholes to everybody they meet so they can have friends to talk to instead of paying a therapist.
When she use to complain about me not sharing my feelings more. Then it took me a while to express my emotions after our son died and she straight up hit me with a "you're being too emotional" So I'll keep my feelings and emotions to myself until the day I die. Edit: punctuation
Legit going through something like this right now, not sure if I can be open with them about some things because that might just make it worse or change how they see me, my brain tells me to just fix the issue and pretend there was nothing wrong the whole time.
So true best part is when they try to use it against you. But the shutting down thing can also be when the guy just does not like the company he's around
Growing up with someone calling you stupid and weak for telling someone you cried takes a massive toll on anyone. I'm so lucky to have a partner who wants to listen to my honest pains and struggles without worry of consequence, she saved my life.
Or just don’t talk about it. I have such a tight lid on the bottle my wife only knows when I want a job or contract that makes more money. All that matters to her, and the more I’m away from her the happier I am.
@@anosmia6279 Not anymore.. If she pulls the open up card I just weave a lie together to make her complacent and feed her fake ammo. We love money more than each other, best to keep it professional.
My husband told me this the other day and i find it very sad. I made sure to let him know that he can speak to me about anything and that i want that connection with him so i can help. My man will never be judged for speaking about how he feels or what is troubling to him. Ladies, we are our man's safe place and our man is ours. If that is too difficult to understand, then you shouldnt be a relationship.
I’m glad to hear this and my first, gut reaction to it is that it’s a trap. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe you. I just want you to know there’s importance of following it up with action. Sadly, some of us have been told this, just to have it used against us.
I'm sure you and even women in general _mean well._ But I'm also able to watch the micro expressions betray how most women actually feel about male vulnerability. Also, most women eventually act their emotions as opposed to their intentions, so it's a very dangerous gamle to count on the opposite.
@@HoneyBee0316and remember, stand by those words. If, in a momentary lapse in judgement, you share something said to you in confidence, or use something he's shared with you to score points in an argument, it's very likely he will never forget it, never forgive you, and never trust you in that way again, because you have proven yourself untrustworthy by your own actions. But if you stay true to your word, he will prize you for the rest of your lives together, and you will come to understand him better than you ever have before. Another thing, be patient. It may take him a long time to truly open up, because it's a very significant risk for him to do so.
You have no idea how many times men hear that exact same sentiment from women only to have it backfire COMPLETELY when they do open up. As genuine as you are coming across here, I hate to say it but he most likely will never open up to you. Societal conditioning is a real thing and mean are taught from the time they can even understand words that they can't show emotion. they can't fail. They have to provide everything. They have to lead the family, get the money, keep the family together, run that job to perfection, build better, further, stronger, no stop. They can't falter. There's no time for emotion or crying. "man up". "Be a man". "Stop being a bitch". And when they finally do break down? "lol pussy", "not a man anymore huh?", "suck it up buttercup". And the lack of accountability women hold other women to? Yeah, that doesn't help. Women perpetuate this bullshit. Society is hard busted and short of a reset, this situation isn't going to get better.
I’ve been lucky enough to have been talking to a girl for a while that’s helping me understand these things. The hardest thing to get over is apologizing for everything I feel like past gf’s have trained me to do. Last gf I tried to open up about a life long injury I have and why it effects me the way I does and she summarized it all as me being “so immature”
Toxic masculinity and self-sufficiency are two very different things. Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Starting fights to prove you are a man. Calling yourself an alpha male.
Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Being a bully. Starting fights to prove you are a "man" . Calling yourself an alpha male. A real man doesn't have to prove such things to others. Expressing emotional feelings has nothing to do with such things. And putting a person down because they are hurt, suffering from PTSD, dealing with trauma, is a wimpy crappy thing to do.
I was recently told by a woman I thought I was friends with that she didn’t want to hear about my problems because they made her sad. This last year has been the hardest of my life and all she did this year is tell me to get over it whenever I’d mentioned that things would be tough.
I used to think it was a bullshit excuse when I was told that men are punished for showing weakness, but then I was horrendously punished for showing weakness. I have two good male friends who I greatly trust to talk to about how I feel about things, and I have my dad to talk to when I need solutions because he can always find a way to make things happen. Aside from that, never again. Absolutely not. If I am going to talk with a woman about how I feel, it will not include showing weakness and being explicitly vulnerable.
@@Alex-bl8uh I was always the leader in my last relationship. I’m a traditional guy and I married a (at the time) traditional woman. We were both happy and were able to work out any issues or disagreements. We both had good jobs and were working on saving for a house. Things were working. During the pandemic, the physical therapy field got hit really hard and I lost my job. I believed I had lost us the house too (because who is gonna give a first time homeowner loan to a guy without a job?)… I got hit really hard by depression. Had never experienced it before. Was trying to hold it all in, and she told me it was okay to feel what I felt and let my guard down and be vulnerable and share what I was going through. I struggled to get a job in my field for a whole year because they didn’t exist; no elective surgeries means no therapy means no jobs for therapists. I went door to door to anywhere that had therapy in the name applying to jobs that weren’t even posted. Just handing out resumes. I was doing odd jobs for money. I had previously been the breadwinner so our budget suffered. We managed to scrape by on 1 and 1/4 salaries compared to what we used to have. But as soon as I had let the vulnerability show, she lost so much respect for me. She started trying to run everything. She kicked me out of the leadership role and fought me for it. Eventually I didn’t have the energy to fight her for it anymore so I let her have it. Eventually I got a great job and even got promoted to the director position, but the way she saw me never changed back. The respect was gone, and its absence was LOUD. She had the attitude that she didn’t need me anymore because she proved to herself she could make it without me. Any time I tried to take the leadership role back, she would be upset while also simultaneously complaining that I wasn’t leading. It eventually became so much easier to put more of the effort into work instead because I was greatly respected there. In the end she divorced me and left me for a woman. I kept the house and dog, so I escaped rather unscathed all things considered, but I had to have a lot of therapy to unpack what went on in that relationship. A whole lot of very toxic behavior. And I definitely contributed to the issues; not saying it didn’t. But I learned that what I really had needed was to be respected, and I lost it when I opened up and became vulnerable. I never got it back. I won’t do it again.
@tbhgodrick6120 thanks for sharing so deeply. To me, opening up doesn't seem like the root cause, though. It seems like there were things underlying that broke out during those tougher times. Maybe she didn't feel safe anymore and wasn't able to figure this one out with you more constructively. And you didn't feel respected anymore. You both were hurt where you are very vulnerable it seems which might made it difficult to be able to communicate benevolent on how to get these needs met and how to solve this together. Did you tell her how you felt not respected in a not judging way? Did you ask her what she was missing for her?
@@Alex-bl8uh yeah and she would never admit it but I could tell it was the truth. She’s a bad liar. I could always tell when she was lying. It wasn’t the only problem, but it was a major contributing factor to things going wrong.
NEVER tell a woman your problem until AFTER you have RESOLVED it. Women do NOT care about your struggles, they hang out at the finish line and pick the winners.
Another way to say it; Girls typically don't solve problems Men typically do Telling a girl your problem just stresses them out because they likely don't know how to help So it's better to tell them the problem after you solved it so they can empathize like they do with their girls without feeling the burden of trying to solve it as it's already been solved
@@towerofmasochism No, you can tell a woman about your problem. If you want them to empathize with you. If you want to solve the problem, you talk to other men, and then handle business.
Wow, absolutely perfect! This shows a thoughtful depth of understanding which is completely missed by the vast majority of women. Thank you for setting the standard!
Excellent post! When men have a problem we do have another male friend who we will ask advice from. Because we know that it’s not going to be used against us, and won’t browbeat us down with it. An the single most important reason is we both know that what is said between each other will never be told to anyone else. My best friend for the last 36 years both know pretty much everything about each other, and both of us know that the secrets that we have shared we’ll both take to the grave. I know that part of how we both are has to do with how we were raised, and because of us being from a different generation then the youth and young adults generations were raised. Part of it is because we a lot poorer than our kids were that was raised in middle class and upper middle class suburbs. They didn’t have a hard life growing up, and I’m glad they didn’t have to live that life.
Yep. Even if you preface it and say “I’m being emotionally intimate by sharing my vulnerable side only because I trust your femininity to bolster my masculinity - don’t let this be some stupid ick” … boom “you’re insecuuuuuurrrrrreeee” ick unlocked.
Showing vulnerability to men has been almost less destructive than showing it to literally someone I am dating. Because if I date a woman she will use said venting against me in an argument way later just to hurt me.
The thing is, not showing vulnerability to women is also destructive to the relationship. If fact, it's probably worse. I know it's scary that a woman may use it against you later, but you need to set boundaries and be prepared to end the relationship right away if she crosses them.
@@darthbumblebee7310 ...may use it? Sorry friend...that's the exception...not the rule. 99 times out of 100 she WILL use it against you. Unfortunately...destructive as it may be...it's also the least destructive to a relationship. It's like the difference between shooting yourself in the foot...and shooting yourself in the face.
As soon as I saw a tail wag in the background I got completely distracted and hoped for Dog; I was later blessed by Dog. I had an ex partner that was totally the character in Green. It really did shut me down. Thanks for this video, it made feel slightly better about myself.
This is killing my relationship at times, sometimes she'll be upset with me for hours just waiting on me to open up and talk when I'm not ready. The more she tries to force it the worse it is and she won't sleep or let me sleep until any conflict is settled. It's bad.
Agree with the lady in white. And I have seen how when we men express too much of our feelings and vulnerability, it gets turned against us too much sometimes.
The fastest way to get your woman to cheat on you and leave is to start telling her all your problems. Start showing her your emotions. She won’t even know for sure why she doesn’t want you anymore. She will just think you guys grew apart.
This, exactly. It's just their biology. There is no reality in which a man gets to talk about his problems or feelings to a woman and have her maintain attraction to him. Don't fall for the bullshit, guys. Even if you find a delicate snowflake woman who this somehow doesn't apply to, why would you take the risk and play that game?
Wait wait wait wait wait They want us to tell them their problems so that they can give us solutions to those problems?!?!?!!?!?!!!!! I thought they HATED it when we do that with them.
Its not that they wanna give us the solution. Its that they talk about their negative emotions BEFORE they actually put in the work to identify what they come from (aka, what the actual problem is). In fact, the very reason they havent identified the problem already is that they care more about the resulting negative emotion first. Only after that is - temporarely - fixed, can most women actually work on what the emotion-causing-problem is. Men dont operate like that, because we care about the problem MORE than the resulting emotion. If we notice - through thinking and reviewing - that the actual problem is easily solvable, we usually stop feeling bad about it anyway. The reason women hate when you present problem solutions right away is that for them, you are skipping step one: fixing the emotion. Only after that is done are they interested in fixing the problem that caused the emotion. And women absolutely dont like when you need their help to fix the actual problem. They are ok with helping to fix the emotion, and they are also - in a relationship - typically ok with you taking charge of the problem and telling them how to help YOU fix it. But they are not ok with you needing them to fix it.
Am I the only one who didn’t even notice the dog in the video until after I saw comments about it, so had to go back to the video to see where the dog was?
100% nailed it. I opened up about my feelings to my GF once and it’s like she lost all respect for me. next thing i know all her passion and interest in me is nowhere to be found and she’s flip-flopping between ghosting me and yelling at me about the smallest things... then when i finally see her again i get dumped for my patience. Women need to get it in their heads that the genders are built differently and we just don’t operate the same way mentally for reasons both biological and societal
Thank you to women who are like this, it's not just women who need to be like this but people in general. Idk about the other men that have had hate for this, but I respect and appreciate this message
Never tell people your problems, some are happy to hear that others share the same struggles, and some are even happy that you have them and they don't.
There is nothing weak about talking about your feelings. If anything, it is an act of courage and strength to put yourself in that position. However, what is weak is allowing a woman to treat you this way by staying in the relationship. You need to set boundaries and immediately end the relationship if she talks to you like that.
@@darthbumblebee7310 this is absolutely true. I agree that it is not weak to discuss feelings. I have made a point of being emotional honest and communicative with the males in my life, and this has been well received. The woman always used it against me. Im a viking about it. Cry whenever you need to, go ahead and let those tears flow. Just NEVER in front of an enemy, or a potential enemy. Unfortunately, in 2024 this precludes an entire gender.
When opening up about deep emotional stuff, there's two risk a man faces: 1) his women getting the "ick" and loosing attraction to him or 2) Those thoughts and feelings being weaponized against him for the rest of his life. So a lot of the time it's not worth the risk to share with a woman.
@@HMNCLunar yeah, I actually have a plan for this, and it's basically I'll lie about my issues to my female partner tk see if she's willing to stay with me after I tell her my "issue", and if she leaves then I don't tell her I lied but if she stays I do tell her it was simply me wanting to see if she's trustworthy
@@connorrasmussen2698 tbh, saying it like that may not come over well. sadly I can't tell you how to do it better. Maybe an AI can help coming up with better lines. That bein said, I'm in my 30s and want to have kids, so I'm also interested in finding a good way to find out if my future girl would be ride or die or not.
@@Vancarawrthe biggest and most important factor is time. Don't rush into things and after years of spending a lot of time with someone and observing you can usually tell what their character is without shit tests. Most men absolutely flounder and fall into marriage too quick.
We have feelings, we just don’t talk about them. Then they’re no longer feelings, they’re just boring bla bla bla other people have to tune out. Nobody else needs to know what I’m feeling or thinking.
There’s another factor; a lot of the time when a man opens up about himself, suddenly everything he says gets weaponized against him.
Or you can see the negative subconscious reaction, despite their good intentions.
At least police are required to notify you that anything you say can AND will be used against you.
With women you have to learn that the hard way.
Even YEARS later...
@@thegrimharvestlearn it the easy way by observing your female family members.
Yup. I once expressed my feelings to my ex years back. She acted all touchy and sad for me, but then a few days later she started using it against me. "Go wallow in your sadness."
Every time I've shown vulnerability I have been punished for it in some way.
Sorry bud
Recently happened to me just not the right woman sometimes u show vulnerability and they take advantage won’t be opening up any time soon
@@thebigape2x468- they pretty much all do it. Be careful brother.
@@Truth-is-King Yeah it's pretty much impossible to show weakness/vulnerability around a woman without getting dinged for it
Ironic how my wife wanted me to open up emotionally. When I finally started to, she left. Found a new guy and moved on as if we hadn’t been married for 14 years. I even explained to her how I felt if I opened up that I was always afraid of how her and the kids would react. I’m supposed to be the rock, stoic, unbreakable. But if I appear broken, how would they feel or react. If I cried, would they sink too?! Nope. She walked away. Even though I stuck by her side during her depression and anxiety, and her stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. The moment I sank, it was so easy to move on for her. It’s mind boggling and tragic all at once. Makes me question all women. The idea of what love and support is from a partner. I can’t help but be left feeling like the only positive that came out of our marriage was our kids. Everything else just feels like a wasted effort. I lost just about everything in this divorce and I’m left feeling like I don’t even want to put any effort into anyone else. I’m over her, it took awhile. But it still crushed my spirit and perception.
I go to therapy and I struggle for vulnerability.
Being vulnerable is hard, but then again, it is more an issue of being perceived as weak rather than an issue of weakness.
I came to understand that people who perceive me weak after being vulnerable are the people who always perceived me as weak.
Their perception did not change from me being vulnerable and open, they were waiting for their own confirmation.
That's why I always keep a good reminder, I can cry in your arms, or I can break them, remember that.
I wish there were more people in the word like you with this understanding. Especially when you point out the well-poisoning "toxic" label that helps nobody. Awesome YT short.
I don't trust her either, I'll bet a yearly income once a guy shows emotion to her she will leave him or sooner or later will use it against him.
I've seen women like her claiming they are not like others and want me to open up. They said exactly the same and then then used it agsinst me.
No I don't trust her
@@MADxHAWK didn't say anything about trust, you might have replied to the wrong comment.
I probably wouldn't trust her without first getting to know her. I was just agreeing with the sentiment that manliness isn't inherently "toxic" and that calling men by this dogwhistle, you're actively not helping the problems men face.
Intellectuals, especially those of social fields, are SUPER BAD at naming things, I've found.
"Toxic Masculinity" isn't just... you're toxic for being a man. Nor that Masculinity is itself toxic.
It's the *specific* Masculine behaviors and Expectations placed upon men that are toxic to *everyone.* Including the men. Toxic Masculinity is just the bits of the masculine ideal that create problems.
So, yeah, this is the end result of toxic masculinity and probably also is that, but the name "Toxic Masculinity" to describe it is so very, very bad that mentioning it seems like an attack, so it BECAME an attack.
I wish Sociologists could learn to name things so they don't sound as stupid/malicious as possible. 99% of such terms are mundane and reasonable once you learn what they *actually* were meant to mean instead of how they get interpreted based on the really stupid names.
A man finally breaks down and shares his feelings with you it's because he trusts you. IF you tear him down or insult his feelings, you best believe that shit will NEVER happen again.
Congrats you just manufactured your very own emotionally unavailable man. WAY. TO. GO.
That's ultimately the goal the way I see it. It's a mind trick to see if you are acting or actually can handle problems. Oldest trick in the book
I’ll go one further: if I get vulnerable with the woman I’m dating and she uses it against me, and we talk about it and she doesn’t realize (or take steps to correct) what she did, I’m breaking up with her right then and there. Thank you, next!
@@HellRazor1281 fair enough can't blame ya one bit!
@@HellRazor1281 nah. At this point they've been told about it more than enough by men in general. If she abuses your trust after you show vulnerability, dump her immediately.
*recalls Dadvocate's video on this very topic*
I am a 62-year old male. If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is that a man can only cry in front of his male friends and his mother.
Even the mother example is kinda shaky because mine did not want me to cry at all and it conditioned me to shut out from people and my emotions. Until I found my current girlfriend, it took near half a year to open up and as scary as it was Im so happy Ive learned how to properly express myself again including crying without feeling fear of judgement. There are some who wont care if you do show that soft side and its sad to hear how rare it is these days.
Guffaw! Don’t know about your mom but mine would weaponize that.
My mother is the second least trustworthy human I have ever met.
Other humans more trustworthy than her that I have met include but are not limited to:
George W. Bush
Barack H. Obama
Donald J. Trump
Richard B. Cheney
Rod Blagoyevich
Saddam Hussein
Richard Durbin
and
John McCain
Yes. My wife has clearly told me she hates it when I cry and it disgusts her. At least she is honest about it.
@@able34bravo37 Your mother is on that Richard Nixon, J. Edgar Hoover level too? Sorry man, I know that's rough.
The worst part is having to explain this to your boys. A buddy recently drunk called me (going through things) and was apologetic that he wasn't a good friend. I asked him why he thought that and he mentioned how I've had to deal with his venting before, but he's never had to deal with mine. I told him I don't vent to anyone unless we're in person or it comes to mind while on a phone call. I don't typically look to vent to anyone, but I do when the opportunity presents itself. I had to explain how we as men don't typically look to vent until we feel like it's a good time to do so or it's just too much to hold I'm (in this case, him at the moment due to the alcohol).
It opened his eyes, but it still sucked to hear that he thought he was a burden. I have another friend like this too. It sucks to see my boys feel bad about venting.
Yeah talking about my own feelings ALWAYS ends up negatively. So many times somebody has asked me how I felt and every single time it has caused even more things to be fucked up and eventually spread around to be used against me in the future, even by the nicest best people I know. Suck it up and push it down, that’s the most important thing I’ve learned in life so far
Also, and this is a factor I've heard reported by many dudes, if they share something sensitive with you...never use that in a fight. No, not even if you are losing, because the moment you throw that in his face he will clam up tighter than fort knox and it will be entirely your fault. You'll have proven that out of the billions of people in the world, and the fraction of those he trusted with his vulnerable side, you aren't one of them and never will be. There is no walking that back.
They'll also share it with allllll their friends, how nice.
In comparison to a mans's feeling after that, Area 51 give guides tours around the facility
Basically next step after that is divorce.
Pretty much this. Anything shared in confidence or vulnerable used against a man simply demonstrates that you aren't to be trusted. After all, why had someone the knife to use on you for the killing blow?
@@PersonalityCoreCo yeah, to warn their friends. Cause we actually look out for our friends rather than shit on them behind their backs and smile to their faces. We aren't going to let our friends date shit women, and if you pull some shit like that on us, you won't be getting any of our buddies. And any man that violates the code is no longer in the circle.
The first time a man shows you his emotions and you hold it against him will be the last time he'll show you his emotions.
My mom still wonders why I wont open up to her.
Most men learned this from their mothers
Ive learnt to talk to my male friends, brothers and father if i want a real conversation about the issues men suffer in silence. Ive had depression since i can remember but i hide it well and i never spoke to a doctor about till i was 30. The one women i can say I actually loved in my life seemed intelligent and caring enough to open up to about the topic. I was struggling with some heavy losses which made my depression escalate so i decided for the first time in my life im gonna talk about my depression with someone who isnt a doctor. I sat my GF down one day and explained i had whats known as major depressive disorder and i was feeling particularly down due to personal issues, i told her how much i cared for her and just asked that she give me some slack if i acted sad or distracted because it would pass and i would be back to "normal" soon.
She just stared at me then said in the coldest tone ive heard "every person on earth has depression so get over yourself and stop being weak!". It took all my strength not to scream at her and tell her "No! Not every human on fucking earth has a major depressive disorder! Ive had it 20 years and im still here! If you had it a month you would probably kill yourself because your so mentally weak and gutless!"
I just said fuck it! It took me a lot of strength and honesty to share my secret but sadly i chose to share it with a selfish bitch who thought it was a joke or non existent! It hurts being let down like that by a long term partner but i dumped her immediately and moved on. My friends and brothers actually ended up being the ones who helped me feel normal again. They all share a mutual hatred of her for what she did and it feels good to talk about it with real men who understand and care enough to listen and offer advice! None of them said "get over it!". Adult male suicide is a pandemic in the western world and women treating their partners potential mental illness or psychological disorder as "weakness" is a big part of the problem! Its extra insulting to hear that shit from someone who you loved, looked after and helped whenever they were down or feeling sad!
Im not expecting a partner to cure my condition or even treat it in any way? We just want some sign of loyalty and some kind supportive words! If a woman reacts correctly in that situation she will earn a lot of respect, loyalty and love from her BF! Remember that next time a friend or partner asks for some help or reaches out to you, when we ignore men in these situations they sadly become prone to addiction, depression and ultimately suicide! We are all our brothers keepers! 🙏👍🧐
Here I am thinking I’m the only one…Yeah I’ll second this. You’re never getting any emotions out of him again if you make him feel subhuman ONE TIME.
Thanks for playing everyone. This is the perfect comment. The comments can now be closed on this video.
it's almost ucomfortable how spot on this is. thank you for sharing.
I have opened up to one person in my life. It ruined that relationship, I went under criminal investigation, I was forced to go to therapy, and my overall life was practically ruined. Never telling another girl what really goes on in my head.
Society says that “Women have feelings, while men have insecurities.” Our feelings are mot validated.
At best, ignored. At worst, punished. Sometimes, severely so.
When is a feeling an insecurity and an insecurity a feeling... There is no distinction between them.
@@Martyn_Wolf The distinction is that insecurities are inconvenient to women while feelings are not.
@@virtual-viking That doesn't draw a distinction between them. There isn't one so far as I can currently see. One can become the other depending on the situation.
@@Martyn_Wolf the distinction is that insecurity is a feeling while a feeling can be any number of other emotions. Insecurity is a secondary emotion based in the primary emotion of fear. Take a look at something called the emotion wheel to see what that looks like. The center will have primary emotions such as happy, sad, mad, scared, disgust, surprised. While the secondary emotions will be emotions that are based in the primary emotions so for example happy could lead to proud, sad could lead to shame, mad could lead to jealous, scared could lead to insecure, disgust could lead to disappointment, surprise could lead to confused. There are tons of other possibile secondary emotions but they all link back to a primary emotion which you experience first.
My ex would get mad at me for not being more emotional and opening up more, i started opening up and expressing what was upsetting me and she told me we need to have this conversation another time.
Men can never win at this sadly.
Nope we just get pushed to the side with our issues but soon as they have issues we gotta be front of the class ready to hear it 🙄
I asked for more help around the house and she never came home the next day. From a 3 year relationship where i didn't complain about a single thing. I'm not that guy IRL but I'll scream it into the empty void of the internet, women are terrible fucks who don't deserve love. Not those I've met anyway, but I'll keep trucking along and fall in love with the next girl who opens her legs, because men sadly aren't much better.
Life sucks lol
Don't give women any emotional information.
Stop being a simp act like a man that's what she wants
Keep your chin up man, and don’t let your pain internalize into hate. I promise you will find someone who is worth your time. Stay vigilant king 👑
The dog is like, ",next topic please, let's talk about my feeling" 😂
I started laughing when I realized the dog was biting her arm and hand lmao yes address the dogs feeling he says “I need attention human”
Oh... My... God...... On behalf of every man on the planet, thank you!!! It is nice to see someone trying to understand us instead of just villainizing us!!!
Try to? She nailed it and I am thrilled to see so many women advocating for the typical male experience and not only that - slowly but surely, exposing relationship abuse, psychological and physical, men and women victims, in a very precise and easily understandable fashion.
Check out The Dadvocate, she truly makes me hopeful
@@creepycasta9430Dadvocate is great. Emily King is another girl worth checking out.
I’m a man and you don’t speak for me. You guys are sad.
"theyd rather see me die on that horse than fall off"
hell, i’d rather die on that horse than fall off atp
@dax
Only women, children, and pets receive unconditional love.
Children and pets.
FTFY
Not all the time. Women get used for sex and are sometimes abused, children sometimes don't have caring parents in thier lives or grow up in an abusive household, and pets are sometimes abused and neglected.
There's no specific category that gets unconditional love. Every group does and can be abused and mistreated just like how they can be and are loved unconditionally
There's no such thing as "unconditional love". And if it did exist, women are most definitely not on that list lol.
@@trevorwallace7934they were saying only women children and pets were eligible to receive unconditional love, not that all women children and pets receive it.
She switches sides when another has more power! Just like Everyone else, women and men🎉
Mutual interest, bids, and communication. Thank you for saying this out-loud, and from a lady like you it speaks louder. I have 4 sisters, 7 mother figures and no positive male role model, so defining "being a man" has been a challenge. We are all people and we all have emotions, you get further with listening, than ignoring the issue. Thank you.
I was talking to a young guy at work. Some female coworkers overheard me tell him never open up to a woman. They all five suddenly dogpiled on me telling me i was wrong and did not let me get a word in edgewise. I just stayed quiet till they were then looked at the young guy and said "point proven".
Based
They were correct.
... I actually don't get it, what's so bad about what they did? Sure it might be a knee jerk reaction but it hardly seems like something awful to happen to the guy, they were defending him???
@@jexusdomel5194
From what? Good advice?
Guy tells newer guy to not open up to girls.
Girls hear it and yell at 1st guy.
Girls prove him right.
What were they defending newer guy from?
@@kairu_aname mmh i see, they are saying that the sentiment of not opening up to girls is bad, but they technically just shunned how the first guy felt in the first place, instead of asking him why he felt that and letting him open up too. I do still think it's a bit hasty to say point proven, but it's a bit tone deaf on their part, I get it
We're not about to let our guard down and let you weaponize our weaknesses against us. Telling us to do that is the shittiest of shit-tests
Agreed,maybe at 1 moment she is like its fine but once she gets emotional in the future she will bring it back as fast as flash
Weakness is never needed
Having human emotions is not “weakness”. Women don’t get a monopoly on feelings. We’re all human. It’s not weakness.
Nah my guy, you just need to find better women. Insecure women use your insecurities against you, secure women, do not.
@@totallyfrozen okok get the emotions just not the weak ones
She's spot on. Preach sister.
My gosh😢 something I really needed to hear but never been directed to me, it's so true 😫🙌🏽
They literally will throw the smallest shit you do speak up about as soon as an argument comes up.
Holy shit man this thread has been a godsend to my mental health in this moment. For anybody who's struggling, we feel you
Like what? I’m just curious. I’m seeing this reiterated in here and I genuinely want to know what it is that people are sharing that people are using again them. Only if you don’t mind me asking
She'll use any dirty trick to win an argument...
and if she can't win...she'll go 'silent pouting' routine like a 12 year old.
@samanthagowen7299 This is a small example, but illustrative. My soon-to-be exwife and I were having a disagreement that was totally a misunderstanding. I was trying to fix the misunderstanding, but it became a battle between what I meant by what i said and what she interpreted from it. I finally broke down and unleashed some things I had been holding back about how often this kind of thing happens and how alone and misunderstood it makes me feel because my explanation has no bearing on the outcome. She's going to choose her interpretation and then get mad at me for it. After bearing a ton of stuff about that whole dynamic and how I wanted to work on it, I blurted, "And anyway, can't I just win one?" Which was partially a joke and partially a genuine expression of how exasperated I was and how I don't think she realized how often this happens and how much I come out on the short end when it does. What I was really saying was, "can't you treat me with some benefit of the doubt on stuff like this, if only this one time?" I think that was pretty clear from the way I said it and everything that I said and expressed and genuinely wanted to talk about in that conversation.
Every fight after that included her saying, "I know you just want to 'win one', but to me, it's not about winning..." which is clearly a massive twisting of the whole point of that conversation and only reaffirmed for me that talking is dangerous because any quote could become *that* quote.
Men discuss a problem in order to find a solution. Women want men to hear them talk about a problem... the end.
Ladies there are rules to getting us to open up an be vulnerable. 1 do not ever use it against him in any way. Not in a fight or play. 2 keep it to yourself. Do not tell your mother, BFF, or anyone else. If you do these either or both of these two things he will never trust you again.
Dont do it. Men should only open up to other men, like an older man, close friend or family member.
@tubester4567 occasionally there is a woman who will handle it correctly. Rare, but so are wives.
A woman who is wife material will follow the rules. But take 5+ years of vetting to know if she that or not.
Time to start calling that out as toxic femininity, which it is.
it's cute that you think women are watching these videos and reading your comment.
@@nicholashenderson6941
Rule #1 Women talk to each other about EVERYTHING. Your secrets are nothing more than currency to exchange with other women in an attempt to get them to tell their man's secrets.
100% fax. Also the puppy was killing me inside. Why can't he chew on my arm like that? 😭
That is very insightful observation of the male psychic. You are very kind!
The minute we vent about our feelings, no matter how badly we need to get it out there, we get our hearts ripped out of our chests and fed to a wood chipper. We're emasculated in the most disrespectful way imaginable.
That's why its always spiteful and antagonistic women who bring this up.
Twice. Both different women. We got to the point of trust and I let somethin out and it was weaponized against me both times. Feelings are nobody else's business, keep em where they belong.
Women SAY they want a man who acts more like a woman, constantly sharing his feelings, etc... but they do NOT. lol They are attracted to traditional masculine strength, regardless of what they say. Period, end of story. They are attracted to men who are stronger, taller and more masculine than they are. They are repelled by 'needy' men.
Yep
Isolation is the only way to safety
Well, while I agree the world is a tough place for good men, the answer isn't isolation. We gotta find a way to open our doors halfway, so that we give a chance to vulnerability without risking too much hurt. It's not easy to do, but it's worth it.
A man talking about his feelings gets the same treatment as someone who walks down dark alleys yelling about how rich they are.
Great analogy. Not sure if it was intended to be funny, but it gave me a good laugh.
I’m not sure either but I did laugh out loud
I wish I could be a shoulder for some man to cry on, I personally find being intune with your mote vulnerable side as a strength, because shit even as a girl its hard for me to do it... If any of you are out there reading this, and you've cried before and felt shame. Please babe don't, it's the strongest moment you can have.
The one that makes sense is the dog person. Perfection right there. You speak the truth well.
This conversation, alone, is giving me a headache. I will never share anything personal with a woman only to have it weaponised against at some future date. No thankyou.
Better idea, just avoid girls who have an obvious lack of concern for those who need help and also like to bring up "competence", "dependability", and "muscle tone" as absolute requirements to be likeable.😉
@@PJCVita92 that's virtually all of them. They literally can't help it. It intrinsically triggers a disgust response in the brain. when men show vulnerability. They've done studies with brain scans.
@PJCVita92 that disqualifies the vast majority of women out there
@@PJCVita92 So Avoid girls got it
I talk about my problems...with my friends. Never to a woman. Never.
I've had deeper conversations with men I've just met than women I've known for years.
If a woman shares it it's her feelings
If a man shares it it's an insecurity.
If you open up to a woman she'll never see you as the same man ever again.
Women think they want a man to show his vulnerability but that's a misconception.
Just look at who they go for, look at how you were behaving when ones been receptive to you, you weren't being vulnerable you were being confident that competent.
You can also have a best friend who is a female and share with her, gives a good view on how women think, and best part is shes not your gf meaning you don't see her every day and don't have the whole ,,shes gonna see you as weak'' problem.
I regularly talk about my feelings. Hunger for example, or thirst.
Nailed it! And great work please keep helping.
Open up about my struggles? Ha! I’m not falling for that trap!
Nice try, not today satan
I was in the military, law enforcement and oilfield, I got weary of hearing how “stressful” my wife’s life was. 25 years of that and I’M FREE & SINGLE!
I don't know your situation so I won't judge you, but please consider that how stressful your life is does not negate or diminish the stress in the lives of others. I am disabled, but I won't bemoan the abled for complaining about their problems.
@@FurbleBurble my wife raised kids, she did an excellent job, but my jobs were measured in the safety, lives of men and hundreds of thousands of dollars in liabilities, so excuse me, but boo fucking hoo for you!
@@FurbleBurble my wife raised our kids, she did an excellent job. In my fields, if I made the wrong decisions, people died and hundreds of thousands of dollars were at stake, so spare me with your words of wisdom!
@@revolvermaster4939 Well, good luck in future relationships.
@@FurbleBurble you apparently missed the part about FREE & SINGLE!
This really feels like the different parts of everyone's lives and how they learn to be understanding over time by understanding!
Yeah, that's the problem, hitting a man where he is weak. Also, I'm not good at hiding my feelings because that's bottling my emotions and that makes me go crazy.
My wife passed away last November 29th. It has been devastating, however I have been told over and over to get over it.
MY wife passed away almost 8 years ago. You never "get over it."
My dad passed away. Someone literally told my mom "oh, it must be so freeing"..................
@@XSquibX Wow. People are awful.
They can suck wind.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have comfort, rest, peace, and support.
Why not be a celibate widow and cherish the memory of your late spouse? ✨️
Everytime I've been vulnerable in front of people they IMMEDIATELY stop paying attention to me and told to grow up
Feelings aren't anyone else's business but your own. You have to weigh them. If something messes you up inside, either get it out of your life, or figure out why and adapt. Stick with the ones who make you better.
@@jimbusmaximus4624 it's mostly the people that say "You need to show more emotion"
@@crash4267 I agree!
@@jimbusmaximus4624 yeah, so when you show emotions to these people they always flake out on you
I don't need no woman to speak for me. But I appreciate you talking to yourself about this and sharing it with the world 😂👏🏼👍🏼
The dog lmfao- aside from the hilarious dog she’s absolutely right. Being told you’re shutting down and not sharing problems as a man doesn’t make us think “oh yeah let me tell you my problems” because shutting down is default. If you are a woman you can tell your man is having problems but he does not talk about it, grab his hand and ask him what’s wrong. Don’t get angry at us for not sharing, because our job is to not concern a girl with our problems. If you ask nicely, we’ll tell you.
It’s like quit trying to dig up what makes me feel bad and instead help me bring out what makes me happy.
Yeah.
We don’t enjoy feeling bad like women do.
Based
@Xristoforos That was the best comment I've seen on this type of video for a long damned time. Respect, Man. o7.
Absolutely hit the nail on the head!
Exactly. Women need to accept that there is always stuff about the internal life of a man that she will never know. Or that she is not obligated to know.
Make him fucking happy, and let him randomly say deep stuff whe together if he wants to. And actually understand said deep stuff.
Last time I told a girl about my issues with my mom she ghosted me that same night. She asked me about it and was listening intently but still left me. Thats why most men never open up about issues in there life.
Yeah that never turns out well. We are born and die without talking to anyone.
Same problem here. Can't talk about anything my mom did or else I'm a bad guy when my mother was never my mother. My real mother is my grandmother.
Bullet dodged.
A mother who can watch the kids and be used to manipulate the man is a valuable resource to a woman. Many select early on for that mother-son relationship. If a woman can win over mom they can double team the man to extract more resources.
This happened to me too. She was one of my closest friends and when I finally really opened up to her (after my sister's death, mind you), she ghosted. She sat there, smiled, reciprocated and reassured. Then gone/acted like I didn't exist.
Agreed 👍
Also, I love how the pup shows up midway through and starts biting her arm 😂
Thank you so much for this video. Finally feels like someone understands.
"Dont they realize other people can help them identify their problem?" That's what so many men say when they start dissecting and offer solutions to women who then get pissed and storm off cause they just want to vent and talk instead of solving the issue.
That's what the boys are for. Never do that shit for women. Just let them rant on and solve their problem themselves.
The problem with this line is most people don't know you as well as you know yourself and in the US the culture is to make snap judgements and try to solve a problem as quickly as possible so with the majority of people it's pointless to share your problems
And they blame u for being a mansplainer
Men tend to approach problems from a "how can I fix it" perspective, whereas women are not always looking for a solution. It can come off as very condescending and invalidating if you respond to every issue with "well just do X." We know we have to just do X. If we wanted a solution we would ask for one.
Next time your partner comes to you, just ask what she needs. Its as simple as "what do you need from me right now? do you need help finding a solution or just someone to listen?" Most of the time its the latter. Offering solutions when no one asks comes off as very condescending and dismissive.
@@ohheyemmiain’t nobody go time for dat. Don’t waste men’s time bringing up your problems if you don’t want them fixed or solutions provided. You viewing someone trying to help you as condescending (which men are wired to want to help) just shows you have a serious problem. Unlike women men don’t have time for whining and not fixing an issue.
Any time I've been emotionally vulnerable with a woman they stopped being attracted to me.
Thank you for shedding light on our side of the coin as well! ❤
Fantastic analysis 👏
I am a therapist, and I have to say that 3/4 of what I do consists of teaching clients to not be assholes to everybody they meet so they can have friends to talk to instead of paying a therapist.
This is what happens when single mother households are the norm. Women do not check each other.
Assholism is a defence mechanism. The only one we have. Stop doing that.
Who, primarily, are your clientele exactly?
I've talked to a couple of them. Never helped.
Damn not even therapists give a fuck about our problems.
When she use to complain about me not sharing my feelings more.
Then it took me a while to express my emotions after our son died and she straight up hit me with a "you're being too emotional"
So I'll keep my feelings and emotions to myself until the day I die.
Edit: punctuation
Time for a divorce?
Woah! I'm so sorry, no one should have to loose a child, let alone being with someone who uses your grief against you.
Ironic, isn't it? Women are overly emotional about everything.
@@secretagent4610 long since done.
@@r.s.richey9956 I appreciate the sentiment.
I have never shown any vulnerability without it being used against me. Ever. I learned to not open up to anybody.
Legit going through something like this right now, not sure if I can be open with them about some things because that might just make it worse or change how they see me, my brain tells me to just fix the issue and pretend there was nothing wrong the whole time.
my experience with women is that if you open up about your struggles they have to try and prove that they had it worse and then disregard your issues.
I have encountered this with some women. Just keep looking. There are many women not like this.
That's called whataboutism.
That dog out of nowhere. Good doggie..
Poor dog, just wanted pets.
@@Jawsjawsjawsrg well she seemed to give the dog some attention. Hopefully she pet the pup after shooting the video.
Oh, but doggie makes it obvious which woman behavior even dogs recognize and seek. 😊
Billie helps men and can materialize dogs. She's a keeper.
@@sachinmistry1 🤣🤣🤣
I've only ever been torn down when expressing my feelings. I've only been rewarded for accomplishing difficult tasks.
So true best part is when they try to use it against you. But the shutting down thing can also be when the guy just does not like the company he's around
As a man, we learn quickly that if you share, it is later used against you as a weapon.
Growing up with someone calling you stupid and weak for telling someone you cried takes a massive toll on anyone. I'm so lucky to have a partner who wants to listen to my honest pains and struggles without worry of consequence, she saved my life.
Orrrr....
Realize this entire *skit* was done for clicks
Straight talk the difference is his place involves courage to not be weighed down by self-doubt or those who disagree to maintain a strong posture.
That last point is part of something I've said for ages: attacking people makes them feel attacked, rather than making them agree.
My feelings and vulnerability ALWAYS blows up in my face. You want men to talk about their feelings more? How about be trustworthy
Or just don’t talk about it. I have such a tight lid on the bottle my wife only knows when I want a job or contract that makes more money. All that matters to her, and the more I’m away from her the happier I am.
That is "emotional labor" apparently.
@@buggus0034 so you don't ever talk about anything that's bugging you with your wife or have ANY vulnerability with her?
@@anosmia6279 Not anymore.. If she pulls the open up card I just weave a lie together to make her complacent and feed her fake ammo. We love money more than each other, best to keep it professional.
@buggus0034 well. I'll make sure to never take advice from you... EVER. I really hope you don't have kids
My husband told me this the other day and i find it very sad. I made sure to let him know that he can speak to me about anything and that i want that connection with him so i can help. My man will never be judged for speaking about how he feels or what is troubling to him. Ladies, we are our man's safe place and our man is ours. If that is too difficult to understand, then you shouldnt be a relationship.
I’m glad to hear this and my first, gut reaction to it is that it’s a trap.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe you. I just want you to know there’s importance of following it up with action.
Sadly, some of us have been told this, just to have it used against us.
I'm sure you and even women in general _mean well._ But I'm also able to watch the micro expressions betray how most women actually feel about male vulnerability. Also, most women eventually act their emotions as opposed to their intentions, so it's a very dangerous gamle to count on the opposite.
I definitely get what both of you are saying. It's very sad how good men are treated.
@@HoneyBee0316and remember, stand by those words. If, in a momentary lapse in judgement, you share something said to you in confidence, or use something he's shared with you to score points in an argument, it's very likely he will never forget it, never forgive you, and never trust you in that way again, because you have proven yourself untrustworthy by your own actions.
But if you stay true to your word, he will prize you for the rest of your lives together, and you will come to understand him better than you ever have before.
Another thing, be patient. It may take him a long time to truly open up, because it's a very significant risk for him to do so.
You have no idea how many times men hear that exact same sentiment from women only to have it backfire COMPLETELY when they do open up. As genuine as you are coming across here, I hate to say it but he most likely will never open up to you. Societal conditioning is a real thing and mean are taught from the time they can even understand words that they can't show emotion. they can't fail. They have to provide everything. They have to lead the family, get the money, keep the family together, run that job to perfection, build better, further, stronger, no stop. They can't falter. There's no time for emotion or crying. "man up". "Be a man". "Stop being a bitch". And when they finally do break down? "lol pussy", "not a man anymore huh?", "suck it up buttercup". And the lack of accountability women hold other women to? Yeah, that doesn't help. Women perpetuate this bullshit. Society is hard busted and short of a reset, this situation isn't going to get better.
I’ve been lucky enough to have been talking to a girl for a while that’s helping me understand these things. The hardest thing to get over is apologizing for everything I feel like past gf’s have trained me to do.
Last gf I tried to open up about a life long injury I have and why it effects me the way I does and she summarized it all as me being “so immature”
Facts about everyone in this world 🌎
Never open up. It always gets used against you.
But how? What is an example?
@narutostarfox44 what ever you are frustrated or feel insecure about is used to belittle and manipulate you
They find a way, it has happened to me. God forbid you bring up a death in the family.@@narutostarfox44
@@narutostarfox44Never tell women your feelings. Never.
You can’t be in a real relationship and not open up. It doesn’t work like that.
They demand self-sufficiency from us and then call us toxic for being self-sufficient. WHAT DO YOU WANT, WOMEN?!
They want EVERYTHING!
All
Of
It
Toxic masculinity and self-sufficiency are two very different things.
Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Starting fights to prove you are a man. Calling yourself an alpha male.
Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Being a bully.
Starting fights to prove you are a "man" . Calling yourself an alpha male.
A real man doesn't have to prove such things to others.
Expressing emotional feelings has nothing to do with such things. And putting a person down because they are hurt, suffering from PTSD, dealing with trauma, is a wimpy crappy thing to do.
They want to be taken care of 100% but without us being around.
Women want *more*
Appreciated and Respected. Hit the nail on the head. Thank you.
I was recently told by a woman I thought I was friends with that she didn’t want to hear about my problems because they made her sad. This last year has been the hardest of my life and all she did this year is tell me to get over it whenever I’d mentioned that things would be tough.
I used to think it was a bullshit excuse when I was told that men are punished for showing weakness, but then I was horrendously punished for showing weakness. I have two good male friends who I greatly trust to talk to about how I feel about things, and I have my dad to talk to when I need solutions because he can always find a way to make things happen. Aside from that, never again. Absolutely not. If I am going to talk with a woman about how I feel, it will not include showing weakness and being explicitly vulnerable.
Showing weakness and vulnerability is worse than castration.
They can only use castration on you once.
What happened?
@@Alex-bl8uh I was always the leader in my last relationship. I’m a traditional guy and I married a (at the time) traditional woman. We were both happy and were able to work out any issues or disagreements. We both had good jobs and were working on saving for a house. Things were working. During the pandemic, the physical therapy field got hit really hard and I lost my job. I believed I had lost us the house too (because who is gonna give a first time homeowner loan to a guy without a job?)… I got hit really hard by depression. Had never experienced it before. Was trying to hold it all in, and she told me it was okay to feel what I felt and let my guard down and be vulnerable and share what I was going through. I struggled to get a job in my field for a whole year because they didn’t exist; no elective surgeries means no therapy means no jobs for therapists. I went door to door to anywhere that had therapy in the name applying to jobs that weren’t even posted. Just handing out resumes. I was doing odd jobs for money. I had previously been the breadwinner so our budget suffered. We managed to scrape by on 1 and 1/4 salaries compared to what we used to have. But as soon as I had let the vulnerability show, she lost so much respect for me. She started trying to run everything. She kicked me out of the leadership role and fought me for it. Eventually I didn’t have the energy to fight her for it anymore so I let her have it. Eventually I got a great job and even got promoted to the director position, but the way she saw me never changed back. The respect was gone, and its absence was LOUD. She had the attitude that she didn’t need me anymore because she proved to herself she could make it without me. Any time I tried to take the leadership role back, she would be upset while also simultaneously complaining that I wasn’t leading. It eventually became so much easier to put more of the effort into work instead because I was greatly respected there. In the end she divorced me and left me for a woman. I kept the house and dog, so I escaped rather unscathed all things considered, but I had to have a lot of therapy to unpack what went on in that relationship. A whole lot of very toxic behavior. And I definitely contributed to the issues; not saying it didn’t. But I learned that what I really had needed was to be respected, and I lost it when I opened up and became vulnerable. I never got it back. I won’t do it again.
@tbhgodrick6120 thanks for sharing so deeply.
To me, opening up doesn't seem like the root cause, though. It seems like there were things underlying that broke out during those tougher times.
Maybe she didn't feel safe anymore and wasn't able to figure this one out with you more constructively. And you didn't feel respected anymore. You both were hurt where you are very vulnerable it seems which might made it difficult to be able to communicate benevolent on how to get these needs met and how to solve this together.
Did you tell her how you felt not respected in a not judging way? Did you ask her what she was missing for her?
@@Alex-bl8uh yeah and she would never admit it but I could tell it was the truth. She’s a bad liar. I could always tell when she was lying. It wasn’t the only problem, but it was a major contributing factor to things going wrong.
NEVER tell a woman your problem until AFTER you have RESOLVED it. Women do NOT care about your struggles, they hang out at the finish line and pick the winners.
Oh shut up
Another way to say it;
Girls typically don't solve problems
Men typically do
Telling a girl your problem just stresses them out because they likely don't know how to help
So it's better to tell them the problem after you solved it so they can empathize like they do with their girls without feeling the burden of trying to solve it as it's already been solved
@@towerofmasochism yeah, you get the gist of it.
@@towerofmasochism No, you can tell a woman about your problem. If you want them to empathize with you. If you want to solve the problem, you talk to other men, and then handle business.
@@Ryooken ye
Wow, absolutely perfect! This shows a thoughtful depth of understanding which is completely missed by the vast majority of women. Thank you for setting the standard!
Excellent post! When men have a problem we do have another male friend who we will ask advice from. Because we know that it’s not going to be used against us, and won’t browbeat us down with it. An the single most important reason is we both know that what is said between each other will never be told to anyone else. My best friend for the last 36 years both know pretty much everything about each other, and both of us know that the secrets that we have shared we’ll both take to the grave. I know that part of how we both are has to do with how we were raised, and because of us being from a different generation then the youth and young adults generations were raised. Part of it is because we a lot poorer than our kids were that was raised in middle class and upper middle class suburbs. They didn’t have a hard life growing up, and I’m glad they didn’t have to live that life.
& then you have women that call it an ick when men show emotion
Women who call something an "ick" are functioning on the level of a toddler.
That's why they're single.
They want emotion, they despise weakness.
Cognitive dissonance is issued alongvwith ovaries.
@@BullsMahunnyexactly they would be crying while watching romance movies in their bed at 3 AM when they are 45 years old
Yep. Even if you preface it and say “I’m being emotionally intimate by sharing my vulnerable side only because I trust your femininity to bolster my masculinity - don’t let this be some stupid ick” … boom “you’re insecuuuuuurrrrrreeee” ick unlocked.
Showing vulnerability to men has been almost less destructive than showing it to literally someone I am dating. Because if I date a woman she will use said venting against me in an argument way later just to hurt me.
The thing is, not showing vulnerability to women is also destructive to the relationship. If fact, it's probably worse. I know it's scary that a woman may use it against you later, but you need to set boundaries and be prepared to end the relationship right away if she crosses them.
@@darthbumblebee7310 ...may use it? Sorry friend...that's the exception...not the rule. 99 times out of 100 she WILL use it against you. Unfortunately...destructive as it may be...it's also the least destructive to a relationship. It's like the difference between shooting yourself in the foot...and shooting yourself in the face.
Id much rather vent to a man who doesn't give a shit to hear than a woman whose eager to hear
My mother is also like that.
As soon as I saw a tail wag in the background I got completely distracted and hoped for Dog; I was later blessed by Dog.
I had an ex partner that was totally the character in Green. It really did shut me down. Thanks for this video, it made feel slightly better about myself.
This is killing my relationship at times, sometimes she'll be upset with me for hours just waiting on me to open up and talk when I'm not ready. The more she tries to force it the worse it is and she won't sleep or let me sleep until any conflict is settled. It's bad.
Agree with the lady in white. And I have seen how when we men express too much of our feelings and vulnerability, it gets turned against us too much sometimes.
It's the same lady i think
Lol yea it is
@@joem13yearsago73 LOL I know, but she was in CHARACTER as another lady. 😀 Thanks.
yeah 12 years later still brought up and thrown in my face how's that slogan go oh yeah Elephants Never Forget
The fastest way to get your woman to cheat on you and leave is to start telling her all your problems. Start showing her your emotions. She won’t even know for sure why she doesn’t want you anymore. She will just think you guys grew apart.
This, exactly. It's just their biology. There is no reality in which a man gets to talk about his problems or feelings to a woman and have her maintain attraction to him. Don't fall for the bullshit, guys. Even if you find a delicate snowflake woman who this somehow doesn't apply to, why would you take the risk and play that game?
@@Revinance88
They can’t help you anyways so might as well keep it to yourself or confide in a good male friend.
Yep, happening to me currently
Not cheating but ,,loosing attraction"
Tuff time become even tuffer time
Genuinely thank you for making this video ❤
You uh, you hit the nail on the head there, and that was something I needed to hear. Thank you for that.
Props to staying in character while the cute distraction came in 😆👏👏👏
Wait wait wait wait wait
They want us to tell them their problems so that they can give us solutions to those problems?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!
I thought they HATED it when we do that with them.
Its not that they wanna give us the solution. Its that they talk about their negative emotions BEFORE they actually put in the work to identify what they come from (aka, what the actual problem is). In fact, the very reason they havent identified the problem already is that they care more about the resulting negative emotion first. Only after that is - temporarely - fixed, can most women actually work on what the emotion-causing-problem is.
Men dont operate like that, because we care about the problem MORE than the resulting emotion. If we notice - through thinking and reviewing - that the actual problem is easily solvable, we usually stop feeling bad about it anyway.
The reason women hate when you present problem solutions right away is that for them, you are skipping step one: fixing the emotion. Only after that is done are they interested in fixing the problem that caused the emotion.
And women absolutely dont like when you need their help to fix the actual problem. They are ok with helping to fix the emotion, and they are also - in a relationship - typically ok with you taking charge of the problem and telling them how to help YOU fix it. But they are not ok with you needing them to fix it.
They don't have solutions.
They do hate it. They're expecting things like "I'm tired from a long day at work" or something. Not that you actually have issues that need solving
@@random.3665 Perfectly explained!. Thank you!
@@random.3665 Thats very true the problem's solved then I don't feellike shit, Until then its fucked.
When men talk about their feelings, people always tell them to suck it up or they are avoided by people or ignored.
I love this woman.
I had to watch this video twice - once that cute dog showed up, I missed everything she said after that lol.
Same haha
Atlas!!! ❤
Am I the only one who didn’t even notice the dog in the video until after I saw comments about it, so had to go back to the video to see where the dog was?
@@barnabusdoyle4930 yes sir, you are an abomination. *-) What's your excuse for ignoring such a lovely creature?
watching him munching on her arm cured my cancer
100% nailed it. I opened up about my feelings to my GF once and it’s like she lost all respect for me. next thing i know all her passion and interest in me is nowhere to be found and she’s flip-flopping between ghosting me and yelling at me about the smallest things... then when i finally see her again i get dumped for my patience. Women need to get it in their heads that the genders are built differently and we just don’t operate the same way mentally for reasons both biological and societal
Good Riddance to her. You deserve better.
Thank you to women who are like this, it's not just women who need to be like this but people in general. Idk about the other men that have had hate for this, but I respect and appreciate this message
Never tell people your problems, some are happy to hear that others share the same struggles, and some are even happy that you have them and they don't.
we dont talk about problems, we get to work to find solutions to the problems
No house was ever built by talking about it.
"Action is the only truth." - Marcus Aurelius.
You are brainwashed about your traditional viewpoints
Trust can be easily lost, and near impossible to regain.
You shouldn't try to regain it. You should move on
Very well done.
Spot on!
When I vent about em I get called not a strong man especially hurts when they tell you they love you. And use it against me.
That "love" is a burden they place upon you. It is NOT the same as your definition of love.
There is nothing weak about talking about your feelings. If anything, it is an act of courage and strength to put yourself in that position.
However, what is weak is allowing a woman to treat you this way by staying in the relationship. You need to set boundaries and immediately end the relationship if she talks to you like that.
@@darthbumblebee7310 this is absolutely true. I agree that it is not weak to discuss feelings. I have made a point of being emotional honest and communicative with the males in my life, and this has been well received. The woman always used it against me.
Im a viking about it. Cry whenever you need to, go ahead and let those tears flow. Just NEVER in front of an enemy, or a potential enemy. Unfortunately, in 2024 this precludes an entire gender.
When opening up about deep emotional stuff, there's two risk a man faces: 1) his women getting the "ick" and loosing attraction to him or 2) Those thoughts and feelings being weaponized against him for the rest of his life. So a lot of the time it's not worth the risk to share with a woman.
Maybe share them with an actually good woman. One you can actually trust.
@@HMNCLunar yeah, I actually have a plan for this, and it's basically I'll lie about my issues to my female partner tk see if she's willing to stay with me after I tell her my "issue", and if she leaves then I don't tell her I lied but if she stays I do tell her it was simply me wanting to see if she's trustworthy
@@HMNCLunarsadly only unicorns don't do 1 of those 2 scenarios
@@connorrasmussen2698 tbh, saying it like that may not come over well. sadly I can't tell you how to do it better. Maybe an AI can help coming up with better lines.
That bein said, I'm in my 30s and want to have kids, so I'm also interested in finding a good way to find out if my future girl would be ride or die or not.
@@Vancarawrthe biggest and most important factor is time. Don't rush into things and after years of spending a lot of time with someone and observing you can usually tell what their character is without shit tests. Most men absolutely flounder and fall into marriage too quick.
Bingo. Nice job.
We have feelings, we just don’t talk about them. Then they’re no longer feelings, they’re just boring bla bla bla other people have to tune out. Nobody else needs to know what I’m feeling or thinking.