thank you thank you thank you for keep putting videos like these out!!! i've been following your channel for at least 5 years now, and since i came to new york for grad school last year, your words on the dating culture here have bolstered my mentality about my self worth tremendously. thank you for being such a kind and caring person on youtube!!! oh i forgot to mention, i'm also a self-identified feminist woman, and so your voicing out really means a lot to me!
I feel you, and I agree. It’s a serious problem nowadays that is so hard to find solid men out there. There must be something wrong with what’s happening with society, culture and values.
“Cheat codes” is just a different way of saying “I vocalize my boundaries” (which I think is fair-because all of our boundaries are different)… and I wouldn’t be too worried about people “manipulating” them. From what I’ve seen in dating, people who don’t do this stuff naturally don’t even make the attempt to do it in the short term :)
It would be amazing if you could start a podcast, i love to hear you speak about the topics you talk about in your videos for longer. Thank you for sharing your views again, it helps me to form my own opinion and navigate through this ever changing world as a 20 year old girl. I really look up to you.
Very well said! People absolutely should treat you with respect, that is not just a standard, but the fabric for any healthy, functioning relationship. If he can’t meet basic standards for treating you with respect on the first date, chances are there will be other “oversights” on his part in the future.
A guy who keeps on asking for you to go out after you said no once is already a red flag Yesreneau. He could be doing that to other girls too lol. Dodged a bullet, nicely done
I didn’t give you all the full story :) I didn’t say “NO, I don’t want to go on a date with you”, it was more of a teasing back and forth where I was like “ehhh, I could take it or leave it”, and he was more pushing for it. More of a pink flag in the context.
I agree with you. If I have a previous schedule, if there is not something big, I would not change. Moreover, if the "options" are my friends, if is not someone getting married, I tend to reschedule (or "lose" the thing...peace!).
I'm a young 23yo guy and I totally agree. I used to think it was my fault if someone was not being nice with me, but I now see them as weird/not raised right/disrespectful, and from which I slowly distance myself away from. I am able to more objectively judge social etiquette nowadays, and it's a really good skill to have to be able to choose friends and romantic partners.
I think a traditional sense of standards is completely out the windows these days... its not delusional, its delusional to him. huge difference. but playing a me vs you position isnt effective/efficient with people displaying inefficiency in the first place. the quick answer I think is qualifying each others angles and finding value in that... 'hey I get youre angle, but effectively im looking for something built on a more clear foundation. I wouldnt ask you to compromise yourself if thats important to you, but i feel better with input that can play a more active role, Ideally I would feel more engaged. my standards start there tbh and that can take more time for me to balance out. best of luck' absolutely agree with identifying a sense of practical value.
As a Guy. I can definitely understand this, (cause I tend to keep my words) whenever I say them. And.. I dislike giving *False hope or Treatment* toward the 'Ladies/Women' I am with. Well... That's a bummer. You had a horrible experience. Ofc, Rejection sucks. Just keep Moving on Miss. You're gonna find someone with that great Personality of yours.
It hasn’t bothered me so much as it inspired me to say something so that other people in my position know it’s okay to not want to keep dating someone who does this (regardless of how small of an issue it may seem) 🙂
Dont get me wrong I’m still completely infatuated by how her brain works, she is aware of her own authority to expect her standards to be met and thats admirable.
Serious question: Why are you actively dating / accepting dates at this time in your life? Is the goal to settle down with a man and start a traditional family? With a Harvard economics education, surely you can work in a socially impactful role and create a high quality career that attracts high quality men to you. Maybe I am seeing this from a man's perspective because this is the only socially acceptable path for educated men.
@@yesreneau honored to have you respond! I get it. maybe another way to put my question is: do you think actively dating is a good way to find high quality partners as opposed to not focusing on dating, and instead attracting high quality partners through success in your career or hobby ?
I think this all depends on what you mean by actively dating. I’m confused because it seems like, in your first message, accepting dates = actively dating, but then in your second message it seems like you define actively dating differently?
A piece of advice, don't say out loud your standards to someone, all it does it gives them ideas on how to camouflage and trick you into thinking they're the right candidate so they can get something out of you. This applies to both men and women. Instead, observe and take note, and if there are red flags or deal breakers, move along.
I’ve noticed that people don’t take the effort to camouflage or trick even when I tell them my standards. Therefore, I’ve found it’s more useful to just tell them what I like. That way, I either get treated the way I like from the beginning (no drama) or I can kindly say goodbye to the people who cross boundaries even after they’ve been vocalized.
Without observing one or more interactions there isn't sufficient information for a bystander to make an informed assessment about said interactions. We can agree with your point ideologically or disagree but not judge the, albeit brief, attempt at courtship without taking a unilateral assumption about the accuracy of the claims inherent to your side of the story and the tone of its preferences.
Good! The point isn’t to judge my (albeit brief) relationship, the point is to help others who find themselves in similar positions. I want to help validate their thoughts that it’s okay to want better treatment and that it’s okay to leave early if they don’t see that immediately-they don’t need to offer new love interests the same amount of the benefit of the doubt that they would for established relationships.
@@yesreneau Taylor, I'm sorry. I should be more empathetic to your lived experience. This is about helping girls'/women's mental health. This is not about me being able to evaluate the implications of a social experiment at your expense. That was an insensitive comment given the circumstances; I apologize. I felt having video footage of events would better channel 'the wisdom of the crowds' in the comment section to a reasonable consensus everyone would benefit from. There are many distractions as someone actively engaged in a social setting. Viewers might see things you missed or have insights you wouldn't think of, and possibly even provide valuable feedback to you that you might benefit from as well as the insights you provide to the audience. Would you say you've given up on making content that includes more of a social dynamic since the break-up and move to New York? Maybe you wouldn't want videos you look back and see exes in. The videos regardless of what is in them is also your history with aspects to appreciate, too; not just strong feelings you feel in the moment. There is something beautiful about being able to appreciate a emotional moment regardless of the emotion. More dynamic content could accrue even more viewership [$]. In fact, the outcome is universally positive if you can tolerate the emotion response of having exes in videos. Something to strongly consider imo
I understand the situation and disagree with you. I disagree that you believe he disregarded you for his friends. Don’t get attached too fast. Which do you think he’ll go with: the friends he’s known for years or a chick he met 3 hours ago? I will agree with you that he didn’t time that right since he approached you even though he knows he’s leaving after. At least he communicated with you and that should be taken into account
@@bobsmith1821 she’s a person. You never know who u will fall in love with. In this instance, the guy didn’t think it out but he communicated nicely. Don’t lead someone on.
I don’t desire to fall in love with someone who deprioritizes me and breaks commitments to me from the start, regardless of how nicely they communicate it :)
@@Yourrrr how was it disrespectful to reschedule? He properly communicated with her. What do you want? To be put on a pedestal? He did what he could at the time.
Yes Reneau, I agree with you. I believe that most guys just want to “score” when they ask a woman on a date. I believe that a woman set the rules or conditions for the relationship. If a man respect you enough, he will accept your principles and who you are. Stick with your beliefs. It will pay off. Love you
It’s fine you should be easy on yourself. If someone doesn’t treat you well you don’t have to be sad when he leaves. There are much better people in the world. It’s just we would be sad temporarily. Then we will get easy over it. If someone doesn’t treat you like a priority now, he will not in the future. It’s better that he leaves, so you could make a place for a better person. And when you find that better person you will not regret a single thing…. Take care….
And get away specially from people who always make it like it’s your mistakes. If someone truly loves you. He wouldn’t blame you even if you were wrong. Because he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s fine if people tell us about our mistakes so we could learn from them. But if I meet someone I wouldn’t want to feel like I am in war. Haha. If it’s a good person he wouldn’t make you feel like you did a bad thing. Even if what you did is wrong and realize it later. Please get off these low life people who doesn’t treat you well and make it feels like it’s all your mistake.
Yes, Renueau! Women like you inspire others to take a stance for themselves even when its not the easiest thing to do! Love your videos on dating and finding love, would love to see more! Keep em coming and hope you're doing well in life :)
Thank you :) I make these types of videos to inspire people (specifically women) to set higher standards (even in the face of insults and gaslighting), so I’m glad you think it’s worthwhile :)
"Fugg bisches make money" is such a noxious ideology. The Defining Decade How to Make the Most of your Twenties - provides neat advice on dating. Like attracts like. Actions speak louder than words.
If there's an attempt at reschedule by someone and they lay out the timing options for it, that's not blowing off. (Although, I get the click bait) Also, this guy messed up from the beginning. If you told him 'No' to his initial attempts at taking you out, he should have moved on to the next one.
The lesson here is that first impressions count and this guy didn't make a good first impression. If that happened to me with someone I already knew/ had a connection with and I could trust that it wasn't their normal behaviour, then I'd let it slide. But with this guy you don't know that it's not what he always does - you don't trust him yet. Better play it safe than sorry because a lot of men are dickheads.
As a man you have to make the first move and ask women for dates or you will probably die alone. The way to gather the courage, put your ego at stake and face potential reject is to desensitize yourself and simply try with various women, without being invested and getting hurt, until you get what you want. It is a defense mechanism and a smart use of statistics. Most of the time being "all in" with one girl is unproductive and dangerous. The dating culture is problematic and the men's side is not quit enviable imo.
Maybe some good topics for new videos are: How guys coin many words like “chill” and “cool” in such misogynistic ways that our whole language gaslight women. Whether we have to choose between productivity and well-being. How living in foreign countries impact your self-image and your perspective towards America. What’s behind ghe Snobbery that sometimes students get from an ivy-league education.
It's his loss. The best way to cope with situations like this is to flip the script. Rather than thinking of it as being rejected, think of it as the other person's loss. btw- sounds like you're better off without this guy.
@@yesreneauYesReneau : Do you know Taylor Bell. She's a CZcamsr who lives in NYC. Like you, she graduated from an Ivy School (Wharton at Penn, but we won't hold that against her). She was an athlete, and her name is Taylor. czcams.com/video/MghcQrchvXw/video.html
This isn't even standards this is thee bare minumum😭. To hang out with his friend instead? Unless that friend just happened to be visiting for a day he's shitty
Dude I often like how you act or think, but in this case, my question would be: what if something important came up in your shedule? Where is the understanding part in you. Like yes, fuck him, nobody needs him (because you guys are not close). But I don't see it as a big NO NO. I would say: hey shit man, thats stupid of you to shedule with me and then quit, but all your "I need to be priority 1, in someones life, you don't even know, is childish and for me delusional too. Give people chances to get to know you or befriend you being their priority Nr.1 in life. Thats egotistic, no? Would love to hear your opinion again, if you wan't to. (Do you see how I have few demands on strangers?)
I do give people chances, but I reserve my chances for people who have shown they are worthy of that grace :) For people who come into my life and immediately create unnecessary problems? I give them understanding, but I don’t give them further access to my life. My peace of mind is just not worth giving second chances to every guy who wants to date me just because there’s an off chance that the way he treated me was an outlier situation. The vast majority of the time, the way the guy treats me the first time is just indicative of exactly the way he is. This guy thought it was okay to renege on plans we had because he got invited to something else. That is not a way of operating that I am okay with, and I vocalized that to him before he did it. Additionally, you said “do you see how I have few demands of strangers”. I’d like to address this. I also have few demands of strangers. However, if that stranger would like to try to become a potential partner, then yes, I do have standards for how that person must act if they want to be allowed access to my life.
@@yesreneau Okay. I think I get your view or standards better now. For you, you see the dude/this guy immediatly as a potential partner. Can I ask why? Why not get to know them as a friend first. Really get to KNOW them, how they think, what they really like (not only tell you) without the pressure of being the "next big thing". In my own experience, I always met the greatest people because of my openness, straightforwardness but also not having expectations at all (like you seem to have). Because people always show you who they are. That does not mean your vis à vis is perfect or acts always perfect. It's about having a clear heart. For example, if you've told him: "hey thats very frustrating, I thought you looked forward to seeing me. I wasn't interested in the first place and now you're canceling the date. Do you think I have time for that?" and then listen to his answer. If he's a dumbass, okay, who cares. In my impression of you, you look for the perfect man who does first nr. 1, then nr. 2, then nr. 3. Just because you told them, you like that. But isnt that creepy?
If I feel attracted to someone physically, then they fall into potential partner by sheer definition. If I’m not attracted to them physically, then they become a friend by definition. Both friends and potential partners I get to know over time, and I do not need to refrain from romantic activity with a potential partner in order to effectively suss out who they are. Like I said, I don’t have expectations for people who don’t want to be in my life. But yes, in order to be allowed closer to me, I do have certain requirements that need to be met. This is for my own emotional health. My requirements might not be the same as yours, and that’s alright. Both are valid. The reason I didn’t spend time asking him “hey why did you make plans when you already had plans with me” is because this is basic respect. If a man is not at a level where he understands that, he’s not even close to level that I would need in order to be happy with him. Outlining your boundaries is not creepy; it’s considerate. It’s what I do in order to be fair to the other person, so they know what I’ll need in order to be happy with them. They can choose to care about these standards or not; it doesn’t change my standards.
I've gone on a video watching binge of ur channel. Ur obviously intelligent, but you fill in many gaps just to fit ur narrative. You seem quite judgemental. U remind me of the celebrities whom give crying speeches telling people how to live their lives. I don't think ur delusional, u just can't see past ur own nose
Yes. Being single is so much more fun than being treated like crap.
thank you thank you thank you for keep putting videos like these out!!! i've been following your channel for at least 5 years now, and since i came to new york for grad school last year, your words on the dating culture here have bolstered my mentality about my self worth tremendously. thank you for being such a kind and caring person on youtube!!! oh i forgot to mention, i'm also a self-identified feminist woman, and so your voicing out really means a lot to me!
I feel you, and I agree. It’s a serious problem nowadays that is so hard to find solid men out there. There must be something wrong with what’s happening with society, culture and values.
It is the bare minimum to not make plans with others when you've already made plans with someone else
I needed this more than you could ever know! Thank you so much for posting this! 💕💕
Absolutely :) And thank you so much for your kind words! Comments like this really inspire me to keep sharing
Don’t give men cheat codes!!! Only ENFORCE ur boundaries.
“Cheat codes” is just a different way of saying “I vocalize my boundaries” (which I think is fair-because all of our boundaries are different)… and I wouldn’t be too worried about people “manipulating” them. From what I’ve seen in dating, people who don’t do this stuff naturally don’t even make the attempt to do it in the short term :)
It would be amazing if you could start a podcast, i love to hear you speak about the topics you talk about in your videos for longer. Thank you for sharing your views again, it helps me to form my own opinion and navigate through this ever changing world as a 20 year old girl. I really look up to you.
One day a podcast will be on the horizon-have to regrow this channel first!!
You are such a smart girl. I'm so proud of you girl
No one is perfect
Very well said! People absolutely should treat you with respect, that is not just a standard, but the fabric for any healthy, functioning relationship. If he can’t meet basic standards for treating you with respect on the first date, chances are there will be other “oversights” on his part in the future.
A guy who keeps on asking for you to go out after you said no once is already a red flag Yesreneau. He could be doing that to other girls too lol. Dodged a bullet, nicely done
I didn’t give you all the full story :) I didn’t say “NO, I don’t want to go on a date with you”, it was more of a teasing back and forth where I was like “ehhh, I could take it or leave it”, and he was more pushing for it. More of a pink flag in the context.
I agree with you.
If I have a previous schedule, if there is not something big, I would not change.
Moreover, if the "options" are my friends, if is not someone getting married, I tend to reschedule (or "lose" the thing...peace!).
I'm a young 23yo guy and I totally agree. I used to think it was my fault if someone was not being nice with me, but I now see them as weird/not raised right/disrespectful, and from which I slowly distance myself away from. I am able to more objectively judge social etiquette nowadays, and it's a really good skill to have to be able to choose friends and romantic partners.
I think a traditional sense of standards is completely out the windows these days... its not delusional, its delusional to him. huge difference. but playing a me vs you position isnt effective/efficient with people displaying inefficiency in the first place. the quick answer I think is qualifying each others angles and finding value in that... 'hey I get youre angle, but effectively im looking for something built on a more clear foundation. I wouldnt ask you to compromise yourself if thats important to you, but i feel better with input that can play a more active role, Ideally I would feel more engaged. my standards start there tbh and that can take more time for me to balance out. best of luck' absolutely agree with identifying a sense of practical value.
As a Guy. I can definitely understand this, (cause I tend to keep my words) whenever I say them. And.. I dislike giving *False hope or Treatment* toward the 'Ladies/Women' I am with.
Well... That's a bummer. You had a horrible experience. Ofc, Rejection sucks. Just keep Moving on Miss. You're gonna find someone with that great Personality of yours.
Don’t let it bother you ! People these days do the most random shit…
It hasn’t bothered me so much as it inspired me to say something so that other people in my position know it’s okay to not want to keep dating someone who does this (regardless of how small of an issue it may seem) 🙂
You did right. He doesnt seem like he is looking for a partner if he blew an occasion to meet someone for his friends he can see whenever.
Maybe we expect too much from people, as a guy, women have mistreated me many times and i just keep it moving simple as that
Dont get me wrong I’m still completely infatuated by how her brain works, she is aware of her own authority to expect her standards to be met and thats admirable.
She’s just asking for basic respect and human decency
Well said :)
Serious question: Why are you actively dating / accepting dates at this time in your life? Is the goal to settle down with a man and start a traditional family? With a Harvard economics education, surely you can work in a socially impactful role and create a high quality career that attracts high quality men to you. Maybe I am seeing this from a man's perspective because this is the only socially acceptable path for educated men.
I suppose I just follow what I want out of life, not what society deems acceptable 🤷♀️
@@yesreneau honored to have you respond! I get it. maybe another way to put my question is: do you think actively dating is a good way to find high quality partners as opposed to not focusing on dating, and instead attracting high quality partners through success in your career or hobby ?
I think this all depends on what you mean by actively dating. I’m confused because it seems like, in your first message, accepting dates = actively dating, but then in your second message it seems like you define actively dating differently?
A piece of advice, don't say out loud your standards to someone, all it does it gives them ideas on how to camouflage and trick you into thinking they're the right candidate so they can get something out of you. This applies to both men and women. Instead, observe and take note, and if there are red flags or deal breakers, move along.
I’ve noticed that people don’t take the effort to camouflage or trick even when I tell them my standards. Therefore, I’ve found it’s more useful to just tell them what I like. That way, I either get treated the way I like from the beginning (no drama) or I can kindly say goodbye to the people who cross boundaries even after they’ve been vocalized.
@@yesreneau what's the oldest age you're willing to date a guy?
@@28goldenboy creep
Without observing one or more interactions there isn't sufficient information for a bystander to make an informed assessment about said interactions. We can agree with your point ideologically or disagree but not judge the, albeit brief, attempt at courtship without taking a unilateral assumption about the accuracy of the claims inherent to your side of the story and the tone of its preferences.
Good! The point isn’t to judge my (albeit brief) relationship, the point is to help others who find themselves in similar positions. I want to help validate their thoughts that it’s okay to want better treatment and that it’s okay to leave early if they don’t see that immediately-they don’t need to offer new love interests the same amount of the benefit of the doubt that they would for established relationships.
@@yesreneau Taylor, I'm sorry. I should be more empathetic to your lived experience. This is about helping girls'/women's mental health. This is not about me being able to evaluate the implications of a social experiment at your expense. That was an insensitive comment given the circumstances; I apologize.
I felt having video footage of events would better channel 'the wisdom of the crowds' in the comment section to a reasonable consensus everyone would benefit from. There are many distractions as someone actively engaged in a social setting. Viewers might see things you missed or have insights you wouldn't think of, and possibly even provide valuable feedback to you that you might benefit from as well as the insights you provide to the audience.
Would you say you've given up on making content that includes more of a social dynamic since the break-up and move to New York? Maybe you wouldn't want videos you look back and see exes in. The videos regardless of what is in them is also your history with aspects to appreciate, too; not just strong feelings you feel in the moment. There is something beautiful about being able to appreciate a emotional moment regardless of the emotion. More dynamic content could accrue even more viewership [$]. In fact, the outcome is universally positive if you can tolerate the emotion response of having exes in videos. Something to strongly consider imo
Dating in NYC is the seventh ring of hell
I don’t think it has to be, though!
I understand the situation and disagree with you. I disagree that you believe he disregarded you for his friends. Don’t get attached too fast. Which do you think he’ll go with: the friends he’s known for years or a chick he met 3 hours ago? I will agree with you that he didn’t time that right since he approached you even though he knows he’s leaving after. At least he communicated with you and that should be taken into account
@@bobsmith1821 she’s a person. You never know who u will fall in love with. In this instance, the guy didn’t think it out but he communicated nicely. Don’t lead someone on.
I don’t desire to fall in love with someone who deprioritizes me and breaks commitments to me from the start, regardless of how nicely they communicate it :)
@@yesreneau no one does. Best to just roll it off and move on.
She’s not getting “attached too fast” that’s just basic respect.....
@@Yourrrr how was it disrespectful to reschedule? He properly communicated with her. What do you want? To be put on a pedestal? He did what he could at the time.
Yes Reneau, I agree with you. I believe that most guys just want to “score” when they ask a woman on a date. I believe that a woman set the rules or conditions for the relationship. If a man respect you enough, he will accept your principles and who you are. Stick with your beliefs. It will pay off. Love you
It’s fine you should be easy on yourself. If someone doesn’t treat you well you don’t have to be sad when he leaves. There are much better people in the world. It’s just we would be sad temporarily. Then we will get easy over it. If someone doesn’t treat you like a priority now, he will not in the future. It’s better that he leaves, so you could make a place for a better person. And when you find that better person you will not regret a single thing….
Take care….
And get away specially from people who always make it like it’s your mistakes. If someone truly loves you. He wouldn’t blame you even if you were wrong. Because he wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s fine if people tell us about our mistakes so we could learn from them. But if I meet someone I wouldn’t want to feel like I am in war. Haha. If it’s a good person he wouldn’t make you feel like you did a bad thing. Even if what you did is wrong and realize it later. Please get off these low life people who doesn’t treat you well and make it feels like it’s all your mistake.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences as always. Queen. Standards. Self Love. Yes 💅🏿🔑
Some men really do just come out of nowhere bugging you to say something is wrong with YOU. Women are games to them not people 🙄
You dodged a bullet. Good riddance. Cruelty with words is cruelty, period.
Yes, Renueau! Women like you inspire others to take a stance for themselves even when its not the easiest thing to do! Love your videos on dating and finding love, would love to see more! Keep em coming and hope you're doing well in life :)
Thank you :) I make these types of videos to inspire people (specifically women) to set higher standards (even in the face of insults and gaslighting), so I’m glad you think it’s worthwhile :)
Preach
"Fugg bisches make money" is such a noxious ideology.
The Defining Decade
How to Make the Most of your Twenties - provides neat advice on dating.
Like attracts like.
Actions speak louder than words.
If there's an attempt at reschedule by someone and they lay out the timing options for it, that's not blowing off. (Although, I get the click bait)
Also, this guy messed up from the beginning. If you told him 'No' to his initial attempts at taking you out, he should have moved on to the next one.
The lesson here is that first impressions count and this guy didn't make a good first impression. If that happened to me with someone I already knew/ had a connection with and I could trust that it wasn't their normal behaviour, then I'd let it slide. But with this guy you don't know that it's not what he always does - you don't trust him yet. Better play it safe than sorry because a lot of men are dickheads.
As a man you have to make the first move and ask women for dates or you will probably die alone. The way to gather the courage, put your ego at stake and face potential reject is to desensitize yourself and simply try with various women, without being invested and getting hurt, until you get what you want. It is a defense mechanism and a smart use of statistics. Most of the time being "all in" with one girl is unproductive and dangerous. The dating culture is problematic and the men's side is not quit enviable imo.
How is it “going ‘all in’” to keep your plans with a person?
Maybe some good topics for new videos are: How guys coin many words like “chill” and “cool” in such misogynistic ways that our whole language gaslight women. Whether we have to choose between productivity and well-being. How living in foreign countries impact your self-image and your perspective towards America. What’s behind ghe Snobbery that sometimes students get from an ivy-league education.
Thank you for the suggestions :)
I hold doors open for people. Something tells me if I did that for you...u would probably make a video saying " this guy had the audacity 😒
I’m more of a “thank you” type of person. What gave you the idea that I wouldn’t like a kind gesture?
@@yesreneau Honestly idk. My state of mind and the algorithm crossed my path with ur video. I surely did not expect a reply. I apologize.
@@yesreneau I didn't mean to imply that u weren't kind. I don't really understand people that much anymore. I'm sorry for being negative. Best wishes
It's his loss. The best way to cope with situations like this is to flip the script. Rather than thinking of it as being rejected, think of it as the other person's loss. btw- sounds like you're better off without this guy.
No yeah I definitely am happy that I ended things before actually having to invest real time into him 😂 Saved myself an unnecessary headache
@@yesreneauYesReneau : Do you know Taylor Bell. She's a CZcamsr who lives in NYC. Like you, she graduated from an Ivy School (Wharton at Penn, but we won't hold that against her). She was an athlete, and her name is Taylor. czcams.com/video/MghcQrchvXw/video.html
btw- I'm a Harvard alumnus.
Here's a joke- How do you know if someone went to Harvard? They'll tell you. lol
Hook up culture is very strong in new York so how do you know you weren't booty call? You weren't a priority from the beginning
This isn't even standards this is thee bare minumum😭. To hang out with his friend instead? Unless that friend just happened to be visiting for a day he's shitty
Are you related to Tulsi Gabbard?
The resemblance is uncanny, up to the voice.
Not that I know of!
Dude I often like how you act or think, but in this case, my question would be: what if something important came up in your shedule? Where is the understanding part in you. Like yes, fuck him, nobody needs him (because you guys are not close). But I don't see it as a big NO NO. I would say: hey shit man, thats stupid of you to shedule with me and then quit, but all your "I need to be priority 1, in someones life, you don't even know, is childish and for me delusional too. Give people chances to get to know you or befriend you being their priority Nr.1 in life. Thats egotistic, no?
Would love to hear your opinion again, if you wan't to. (Do you see how I have few demands on strangers?)
I do give people chances, but I reserve my chances for people who have shown they are worthy of that grace :) For people who come into my life and immediately create unnecessary problems? I give them understanding, but I don’t give them further access to my life. My peace of mind is just not worth giving second chances to every guy who wants to date me just because there’s an off chance that the way he treated me was an outlier situation. The vast majority of the time, the way the guy treats me the first time is just indicative of exactly the way he is. This guy thought it was okay to renege on plans we had because he got invited to something else. That is not a way of operating that I am okay with, and I vocalized that to him before he did it.
Additionally, you said “do you see how I have few demands of strangers”. I’d like to address this.
I also have few demands of strangers. However, if that stranger would like to try to become a potential partner, then yes, I do have standards for how that person must act if they want to be allowed access to my life.
@@yesreneau Okay. I think I get your view or standards better now. For you, you see the dude/this guy immediatly as a potential partner. Can I ask why? Why not get to know them as a friend first. Really get to KNOW them, how they think, what they really like (not only tell you) without the pressure of being the "next big thing".
In my own experience, I always met the greatest people because of my openness, straightforwardness but also not having expectations at all (like you seem to have). Because people always show you who they are.
That does not mean your vis à vis is perfect or acts always perfect. It's about having a clear heart.
For example, if you've told him: "hey thats very frustrating, I thought you looked forward to seeing me. I wasn't interested in the first place and now you're canceling the date. Do you think I have time for that?" and then listen to his answer. If he's a dumbass, okay, who cares.
In my impression of you, you look for the perfect man who does first nr. 1, then nr. 2, then nr. 3. Just because you told them, you like that. But isnt that creepy?
If I feel attracted to someone physically, then they fall into potential partner by sheer definition.
If I’m not attracted to them physically, then they become a friend by definition.
Both friends and potential partners I get to know over time, and I do not need to refrain from romantic activity with a potential partner in order to effectively suss out who they are.
Like I said, I don’t have expectations for people who don’t want to be in my life. But yes, in order to be allowed closer to me, I do have certain requirements that need to be met. This is for my own emotional health. My requirements might not be the same as yours, and that’s alright. Both are valid.
The reason I didn’t spend time asking him “hey why did you make plans when you already had plans with me” is because this is basic respect. If a man is not at a level where he understands that, he’s not even close to level that I would need in order to be happy with him.
Outlining your boundaries is not creepy; it’s considerate. It’s what I do in order to be fair to the other person, so they know what I’ll need in order to be happy with them. They can choose to care about these standards or not; it doesn’t change my standards.
You have so many moles on your arm. Just an observation.
*beauty marks!
I've gone on a video watching binge of ur channel. Ur obviously intelligent, but you fill in many gaps just to fit ur narrative. You seem quite judgemental. U remind me of the celebrities whom give crying speeches telling people how to live their lives. I don't think ur delusional, u just can't see past ur own nose