Stop Playing Small to Manage Emotional Triggers
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- Äas pĹidĂĄn 27. 08. 2024
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When you've been heavily criticized or bullied in your life, you may have learned to suppress yourself as a coping mechanism -- not expressing yourself, not committing to anything, holding yourself apart and not connecting. In this video I teach about the reasons why traumatized people manage symptoms by "Playing Small," and how to make practical changes to move beyond your safe zone and build a happier, more fulfilled life.
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I worked in a shoe shop once where an elderly lady started working, we became thick as thieves-she opened up to me once and said that she decided to get a little job because she realised after her husband passed she was so lonely she would go and buy milk every day for that 5second interaction with the cashier. My point is, a 2 second hello might be an inconvenience for you but it could be the other person's lifeline.
This, 100%. Some people don't realize how much the small, random moments can truly change someone's life.
As a child who was very socially isolated and depressed, I remember getting a single compliment from a random person on the street, and that gave me hope for the next few months, if not years, while there was abuse going on all around me every day.
It's never a bad idea to spread kindness, and kind words are always free. Remember, you might be literally saving someone's life that day by making them feel seen and accepted.
@@DougieTheDino Socially isolated and depressed. That alone was enough to nearly drive me insane, besides living in a cult-like existence, and brainwashed. I understand how just somebody smiling and saying hello, could feel like a lifeline.
@@swannoir7949 I'm so sorry to hear you went through rough times.. i hope things have been getting better for you and that you're finding ways to heal and be happier and more fulfilled.đ sending all my best wishes to you!â¨
@@DougieTheDino Same to you. Be blessed.
Yes! Iâm at retirement age but I only want to work 36 hours a week right now Iâve seen too many people who retired as soon as they could and they got fat and bored well Iâm a little chubby but very active and plan on staying that way!!! Hopefully đ
Self- Suppression
1. You confuse living simply, with self-neglect
2. Your living space is cluttered & dirty
3. You don't exercise
4. You go to bed feeling guilty about what you ate
5. You don't buy decent clothes
6. Your car is full of litter
7. Your desk or workspace is cluttered
8. You don't buy yourself clothes that look good on you
9. Your underclothes are tattered
10. You suppress your romantic life
11. You love someone but you don't tell them
12. The person you love doesn't love you but you hold on
13. You date someone for years but don't commit
14. You have a partner who loves you but you are not faithful
15. You are in a relationship that you know can't last but you don't leave
16. You'd like to have a partner but you don't meet people
17. You wish you had friends but believe "people are terrible"
18. You never have people over
19. You complain and gossip about a friend but don't talk to them about it
20. You know it's your friend's birthday but you don't send a note
21. You don't say hello to people you pass in the street
22. You avoid the neighbors when you go outside
23. You have people you love but you don't stay in touch
24. When a dog or cat greets you on the street you ignore it
25. When you join a group you become critical & leave
26. When you go to a potluck you don't bring a dish or help clean up
27. You go to 12 step meetings but don't work the steps
28. You believe that life is unfair & won't let you succeed
29. You can't advance at your job because you lack skills but you don't learn them
30. The knowledge you need is free online but you don't learn it
31. You live burried in debt & can't make any changes
32. You don't get medical & dental checkups
33. Your living space has nothing beautiful
34. You'd like to get a pet but don't get one
35. You feel resentful around happy or accomplished people (shame/avoidance)
The solution is to begin expressing who you are
thank you for thisđđđđđ
You're welcome! I wrote it out for myself & thought others might like the footnotes too.
May you be blessed in all you do!!! â¤â¤â¤
I felt personally attacked.
edit: no, wait. I love dogs/cats and I don't have any friends.
Nevermind.
Thank you @Kristina Wilkerson â¤
This 32 minute talk is like 6 months of therapy and life coaching combined. My brain is trying to process all of it.
Thank you for saying it so clearly! Iâve been trying to figure out how to describe the clarity I gain in watching just 1 or 2 of these videos. I have a therapist I LOVE we have NEVER talked about these things. I didnât have the words to describe it. SUCH A HELPFUL CHANNELđ
@@MeditativeMuse5860 đŻ
Iâve started writing down the points that really touch me. Helps me organize it all better
Amen sister!!!! I need to watch it again!
@@MeditativeMuse5860 please girl, I was going to a therapist for years who was a sweetheart of a human and helped me quite a bit, but this is revolutionary for me. I have been thinking for years that I am weird and now I realize that itâs just a symptom of what I went through. A reaction. Now itâs time to move on with my knowledge in hand.
I want to share one thing that helped me when I was feeling overwhelmed with all of these sorts of things - not feeling worthy, not feeling good, or not feeling like I could do anything right: I gave myself permission to try it or do something really small and/or do it only once. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I think we hope we can make everything different in our lives with one big sweeping gesture or one huge change, but when I told myself to start small and be okay with beginning at the smallest amount SO much pressure came off to do new things or open up to opportunities. I started a regular practice exercising/yoga after telling myself I only needed to go to the gym once a week. I made a whole quilt (the size of a throw, but my very first) after telling myself I just needed make one thing. I cleaned out an entire house by starting with just one bookshelf, one day at a time. Whatever your goal, doing just one thing at a time, and slowly you will feel improvement. Don't feel like it needs to be something huge, it only needs to be one small thing.
Same for me. I stopped having expectations of myself, beating myself up for what I need to do but haven't. I started letting it happen when it happened. It is weird because it gets done! The other thing I do is like you said, E. Malloy. I do small things. It may be as simple as moving a pile of clothes closer to the washer. I just accept what I get done instead of stressing overly what isn't done.
E. That is the best comment I've ever seen. Thank you, it really helps. You're totally right. đ
I love this! I did something similair with compliments. I wanted to be able to take a compliment, without feeling awkward, and without negating the compliment in my own head. So i went from belittleling myself by responsing to compliments something along the lines of: âno, your dress is much prettierâ, to try to be more âneutralâ in my respons, for example: âthank you for saying thatâ. Today i can take a compliment without putting myself down as a result, and i have started to truly believe peoples compliments more. I have also started to give compliments more freely, wich makes me feel good inside.
This is my small hack to better self esteem - segway into it â¤
Such a great comment!!! Thank you đ I know this but sometimes forget.
It doesn't sound weird, I did that too and it really makes changes in the long run!
This is exactly my life. I've learned to live with next to nothing. I avoid everything. So thankful for my therapist.
I do too. Whatâs terrible is I donât want to change how much I avoid everything. I donât want a relationship I donât want to see people out for dinner and I really donât want to have friends at this point. I canât explain it but even though Iâm not happy Iâd still rather be alone. I never feel lonely. I just want to lay low and avoid all demands.
@@benicio1967 how do you get that way or were you always like that?
â@@benicio1967
What's wrong with any of that ?
ââ@@what.you.allowyou.permit2030 nothing is wrong with it. Thats how I got to know myself. I'm 60 yo, I was never alone, until I got my 3rd divorce and my kids were grown and all of a sudden I was alone. I moved to a new city in a small apt and worked all the time. I'm a nurse, I worked 4 different jobs in different facilities so I never really got to know anyone. I'd go home for maybe 5-6 hours of sleep. I had a dog and a cat. I'd think to myself "if I died right now how long would it be before anyone noticed"? It was devastating. Eventually I moved back home. I got custody of my grandkids so I was never alone. My oldest moved out when she became an adult, I became disabled and all I did for years was take my grandson to and from school. I had alot of time, for the 1st time, to get to know myself. I changed things I didn't like, I dropped family that I didn't want a relationship with, and my grandson is in karate and boxing so I've made new friends. I'm still evolving into who I want to be. Being alone for awhile is NOT always a bad thing â¤j
@@benicio1967 This is avoiding drama & annoyance. Wise.
I have gotten more out of this woman's CZcams video than any counselor that I have had. This Fairy is actually trying to help where other counselors have barely share any advice.
This is so true. My feelings exactly đŻ
â@@QueenZii11 she's not gauging you as an income source for one. I suffered for years in denial with the same therapist. Turns out, she was using "easy" clients while in her Master's program. Having to rely on community funded mental health doesn't offer the best outcomes.
Whatâs considered âeasyâ clients?
Me as well
So true! I've gained so much knowledge on my own trauma/ dysfunction than i did with the 8 or 9 counselors I've seen in the last decade.
Mini success story here lol. Anna I was bullied in childhood as well as neglected among other things. I started watching your videos about a year into the pandemic and a few months after my dad passed away. I had also went through a breakup. This all happened around the same time. I found your videos and they saved my life. I started writing and have been writing for two years now. At first I didnât notice how big of a change I made until I got around others. Iâm now able to be in the presence of others with less anxiety. I speak to myself more positively and my self esteem has risen significantly. I still have a lot to work on but I never thought I would come this far. Thank you so much for these videos.
Oh, what beautiful testimony! I have tears in my eyes (and I'm sitting in public in a cafe).Do you come to my Zoom calls? Will you say hi to me there? I wish I could hug you.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. This means so much coming from you! Iâll def drop in and say hi! Air hugs lol đ˘
Very proud of you Marilyn, even though I don't know you!
And Anna..you DEFINATELY make a difference in other people's lives..I believe you are living your purpose, and helping others to believe in themselves...so grateful to you xo
I am so happy for you Marilyn đ
Outstanding Marilyn!! Keep up this direction. This momentum. The places it will lead you to will be auspicious indeed. Auspicious indeed.
An offshoot to the potluck one is preferring to clean up and help out as a way of avoiding actually socializing. I do that all of the time. Iâd rather be in the kitchen or zipping around taking care of logistics as a way of avoiding interacting with others. That is also playing it small.
This is what I do at family gatherings, because my relatives are often critical or classist and either look down on me or condescend to me, so socialising with them is usually unpleasant. I know I should grow a spine and just tell them my feelings so they either stop and apologise or back off and stop coming over (it's 'information' as Anna says), but I haven't found the courage yet I guess....
When the feeling of being on the outside looking in is overwhelming working the serving line, seeing to details, gives me some sense of belonging.
@@cheryldenkins1597 Precisely.
@@pendafen7405 I hear you. I happen to be good at telling people where to get off, but we each have our hang-ups.
âDonât existâ was the way to survive
Literally me. Iâve been this way my whole life. As a child I always played small, giving everyone the spot light, and meâŚin the dark.
Same here.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Me too
â@Crappy Childhood Fairy I was diagnosed with a disability I was called retarded by teachers and my father. I know I have cptsd I self suppress everyday.
I had a major medical trauma from self neglect. After the surgeries I had an epiphany. I am allowed to be happy. I don't have to carry other people's faulty assessments of myself. I'm shocked by how much flows from that. I'm doing at least twenty minutes a day of housework and keeping up with the dishes. My house is pin neat, the same as my bedroom was despite my hoarder mother and her back up singers blaming me for her mess. I carried that with me for so long. I'm making art again, though eventually my pens will run out of ink. I can buy new ones then, the pigma micron people aren't going out of business. I bought a toilet paper holder even though it was fine to let the paper sit on the edge of the sink. I'm working out daily and eating real food. I'm allowed to be happy, no matter what dead people or relatives I don't even talk to would say. I'm allowed to be happy.
I'm glad for you. Keep going!!đ
Amen!!
It sounds like you're on a roll! Keep up the great work!đđđ
I'm glad you are better now. Your words have inspired me. So true!
Calling anyone on the phone is so beyond difficult. It's paralyzing, whether it's making an appointment or calling my beloved husband, kids and grandkids. It causes tremendous anxiety just contemplating it.
Me too, my mom would always criticize us once we got off the phone, she even did it to our father. If if could I would go in a closet and make a phone call just so no one can hear me.
Me-leaving a voice message on someoneâs phone-starting out ok then going off the rails in the middle of it-then waiting and waiting for the recording to come on that lets me erase it, which sometimes never comes-then the agony of knowing someone will have a recording of me messing up my message, stuttering and stammering and trying to explain, making it worse and worse of a mess, and of course judge me-who wouldnât?-the fear surrounding phone callsâŚall the people i keep at a distance out of dread of making the phone call itselfâŚkeeping my life small and safe and simple . . . recalling as a teenager trying to be invisible so my Mother wouldnât notice me-difficult to do once my older brother left for college and i was the only kid in the house . . . thoroughly entrenched internal Mother voice saying âNoâ to everything-issuing warnings and laying out why any given activity would be dangerous, a mistake . . . the only years she let me alone were the twelve i was married . . . Mom lived to 92 . . . i inherited the parental house in my older age and now sleep in the same bedroom as did Mom, with my bed in the same location as was hers (nowhere else to put it in that room so donât suggest rearranging the furniture) . . . now iâm 72 and grateful to have a house in these turbulent economic times . . . just one problem: i havenât been able to rid the house of Momâs things..the closets, dressers, cupboards, bookshelves, desks, storage spaces large and small are all full of her clothing and all of her collected possessions of a lifetime (plus whatâs left of my fatherâs considerable memorabilia..he died in 1995)..i feel paralyzed..even her old shopping lists hold me hostage because i canât throw away her handwriting..my house is all junked up because thereâs nowhere for me to put my own stuff away..i canât have people over, the house is so bad only my closest intimates can come..my friends are at their witâs end with me and my craziness..iâve had several therapists but refuse to change..i wonât let anyone help me, they would be touching her revered stuff, my fatherâs revered stuff, and my own revered stuff. It is my burden, my problem to solve, i tell people..but i never do . You see, she has ONLY been gone for NINE (9) years! Nine years that feel like three years..because time seems to stand still for me, just as i stand still.
But Time does not stand still. It never does. In fact it cannot do anything BUT keep moving.
But not so with me. I donât have to keep moving. I can stand immobile while Time passes by. I have proved it, i am the living proof! and miserable about it . . . it is so painful.
Frozen! Canât move! Straitjacketed! Going crazy! H-E-L-P!!!
Amazing, I'm the same way. I hate speaking on the phone to anyone. My wife is always telling me I need to call my mother, but it is quite difficult, especially since she is part of the reason I have PTSD.
I used to be like that as a child, I would get so nervous if I had to make a call. Even now I hate when people call me, sometimes I see a friend calling and I think for a moment, should I just let it go to voicemail?
@@jbplastic9023 ty for adding to this. đđť
As a cut off person socially. What I really want is to have people in my life that respect and know the real me. I want to help people; I also want to be supported. I wish to have a healthy tribe. That is my greatest wish. I don't want to be a doormat and crap fit people in my life. I also want to help people and pay my healing forward. That is my greatest wish.
May you make your wish happen!
And may it be granted to you!
@@jo-annahicks3324 Thanks!
@77Tadams wow I've been talking to myself a lot lately and literally saying almost Verbatim what you wrote today about 3 days ago then I had this rebellious healthy anger about how others have mistreated me in the past. I am now resolved to never let them get me down!
I want all of the things that you mentioned, as well, and I know we can have these things and we deserve those things. Sending light and love to you.
@@iseethroughyou I donât know you; but weâre in a tribe here. Maybe just starting out. I wish you healing and to pay it forward. Be well. đ¸
@@jo-annahicks3324 I wish you well and to pay it forward.đ¸We are a small start to healing and moving forward to pay it forward.
I also feel like if I live simply, I canât be criticized for being flashy or showy by my narcissistic family. I still want to be under their radar, even though we are estranged and on different continents. Trying to give myself permission to live a little bigger. The guilt used to kick in, but Iâm getting there. Thanks so much for the video!
You deserve good things in your life! Good for you for working toward that!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Great vĂdeo. I was talking to my therapist about how I've made my life purposefully small in order to find safety and comfort. I feel as though I'm hanging by a thread and any injury could mean annihilation.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her
@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
I had a 12-step sponsor tell me once that I can't make myself stop thinking about something but I can make myself think about something else. Just try to switch to another topic in your head when she comes up.
@@houndmother740 thats how I got through a bad break up
The uncomfortable laughing to this video, in the shower, quickly devolved into sobbing then, what resembled dog howls.... wow....by 20 mins you took me out...ARE PEOPLE REALLY DOING THE SAME EXACT THINGS AS ME?! They're SO SPECIFIC...
yeah some of these things resonated for me.
You are definitely not alone! đź
Blending in the background, not wanting anything, suppressing my needs, crushing my dreams, feeling guilty about having emotions, hiding my feelings from others and from myself, always pretending to be in a good mood, and validating everything others say or do was the mantra of my life as a child and in early adulthood which eventually gave me depression, limerence (not once), anxiety, and behavioral issues.
Thank you Anna for providing me with this info, I have been doing my healing work for three years, and finding your videos is a hallmark in my transformation journey. you solved so many mysteries for me. May you be blessed with eternal joy and peace. Ameen.
I was already in tears before you'd been speaking for 1 minute. How do you know my life so well? I'm almost afraid to watch your videos.
These videos are great for self-awareness, but I find them difficult to watch. It feels like I'm receiving a list of everything I'm doing wrong, much of which I didn't realize was part of the issue until now. I feel frustrated that I've subscribed to many of these self-defeating habits for so long. The impulse to try to fix everything at once is really strong, but also overwhelming and an unrealistic goal. Trying to stay focused on progress and celebrating small victories. It's hard not to beat myself up over many of these points that I am currently still struggling with.
I've been trying to clean up clutter and unused items in my apartment this week. I finally brought some nasty old beach chairs to the dump, which was a task I had been procrastinating to do for months. I never had to go to the dump before, so doing something unfamiliar was creating a lot of anxiety. I had all these fears about talking to the employees there, finding the right place to go, making a mistake, etc. etc. It felt like progress when I finally threw those crusty things away. And-- nothing exploded, and no one died! So, I have hope that the next unfamiliar experience I take on will feel less daunting.
I felt like she just listed a bunch of things that are wrong with us but didn't really give a solution. And I'm not so sure if these are all actual things that are wrong with us. And maybe some of them are actually healthy things. Like "living simply." I think that could be a good thing. By not wanting to spend money excessively because external things will never make us happy. It's internal work that we need to do. And money can't buy that. No amount of clothes will give you that. What's wrong with walking out of the house with Pj's on if that's how you feel comfortable? So, I don't agree with a lot of things that she said in this video. And she's not a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. So, don't take everything that she says literally. I would seek professional advice.
You hit the nail on the head with every single point in every single video. Iâve never found any channel on this platform even close to as helpful. Thank you SO much.
You are most welcome! Thank you for taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna you are the shit, and when I become a famous musicianâŚI think I will put your name, along with therapy in a nutshell, and that guy with the glasses, the three of you in my albumâŚYou changed my life. Donât agree with everything you say but probably 95% of it. Thank you. You are healing the world man. I am thinking about writing an album called âMass for the Lemerantâ.
Wow this was eye opening. Subconsciously and consciously recognized almost all 40 of these in my mom, and realized why I cannot stand her resentful martyr energy. More importantly, I recognized many of these in myself, even if it is to a less intense degree. I lacked insight into how much of her martyr play small energy I had adopted myself. Thanks for this list, now I have a road map of how to start showing up more purposefully for my life.
I'm so glad the video was helpful, we're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
I was thinking so much of the same about my mom and myself. My husband is such a dreamer and is super positive; I struggle to understand how to âlive bigâ like him, like somehow it is selfish. He also is very orderly (a bit more to have a sense of control) but I think he is much more towards the balance than I am.
Hope you find healing, and yes, these are a great roadmap!
This is so my life! I I have been avoiding everything good to some degree. I am learning so much from binge watching all your videos, Anna you are an amazing teacher, you make healing possible, thank you đđť I decided that I am changing. I am changing job in order to work smarter, not just harder, and started decluttering 6 weeks ago, results are starting to show. I reached out to friends I have been avoiding for too long, looking forward to inviting friends over for the first time. I also ended this situationship that hasnât developed into something more, I told him I love him and that what I really want is commitment, eventually marriage. I knew he didnât want the same. I cut off all contact, I donât want to pretend being friends.
Thatâs a lot of positive change, so encouraging to hear! Good job đ
@@sweetsugarjones thank you! Still in the beginning though. I am not fully healed, still a long way to go. It goes up and down and I often still feel unmotivated and still procrastinate more than i would like, but with baby steps and picking myself up to go on and forgiving myself for doing mistakes along the way, I am doing better than I used to. I refuse to stay there, it costs me too much.
You have a knack of releasing a video that says *exactly* what I need to hear, even when it's hard to hear. Your videos have been so enlightening for me, I'm truly grateful for all these insights. Thank you x
I'm so happy to hear that! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel like this too..,
Itâs definitely exactly what I need to hear but I am witnessing myself trying to avoid hearing her. Had to rewind so many times
â@@lindsaypeek63 proud of you for staying with it!
Repression,
Suppression and
Depression
Dogs can travel and are happy as long as they're with you. There are resources all over with pet friendly lodging, establishments, and if its a small enough dog, it can even travel in the cabin with you with proper planning. They're also amazing for emotional support when we're traveling.
It adds a lot of hassle to a trip! It's mean to put them in baggage on a plane.
I used to have crippling self consciousness, from watching what I said or thought or did all the time. I was incapable of being who i was because i was thinking too much about how it would be perceived. I felt like everything I said was stupid.
It got worse in some situations. I can't believe I lived like that for so many years.
How did you change it?
@@dariosergevna Gosh. A lot of work on myself. Lots of cognitive therapy (on my own). I started to make a habit of identifying a bad feeling when I had it, ie. what thought is causing this feeling? how can I change that thought to a better feeling thought? So if I felt anxious for example I would ask myself, what thoughts are causing this? I'm worried about what they will think of me. Does it matter what they think of me? No. Soo what if I stopped caring what they thought of me? If I had anxiety that I couldn't control I would use EFT (tapping) to calm my nervous system. Also I started to love and like myself more. I started to give myself only positive thoughts. I'm stupid became I'm smart, etc. I gave myself a break. I would tell myself that everyone makes mistakes. Lots of constant work and turning negative into positive everywhere. Now I love myself, I think I'm amazing and my life has improved a million percent. I grew up with abuse and neglect. My mother never once hugged me or said a single nice thing to me or about me. She put me down every chance she got. I was neglected in every way. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. I had so many emotional problems that I'm surprised I've come as far as I have. Having said that, I recognise some of the behaviours that Anna describes. I tend to avoid social gatherings of any sort more so as I get older. I spent my entire childhood alone so I am happiest that way. I have to force myself to go out and sometimes I don't see the point. I am a single mother and I tend to use that as an excuse - no time, too busy etc.
I will be listening to this over and over until i start taking the steps i need to change. After a long life of fear and sadness and worry and avoidance, I need to heal and have joy. Thank you so much đ
Yesâ¤
I feel triggered listening to this whole video, but I've learned so much about myself. Thank you.
I grew up with two extremely narcissistic parents who fought all the time. They basically ignored me and used me for their own purpose. As soon as could get out, I went "no contact" with my narcissistic relatives and all their enablers and flying monkeys. I'd rather die than living one day more than necessary with them. I thought by not contacting them, I can become a normal person, but wasn't I naive? I have all the symptoms you talked about--making myself small and invisible, feeling everybody an enemy, afraid of rapport or connections. Everything you said applies to me. And thank you for your video.
Same here about my parents :( it is sooo hard...I didnât quite hear about 2 narc in family. How do you manage with friendships? Iâm very isolated đ˘ was NC with my mom, then she hoovered her back, and now Iâm trying NC againâŚ
Feeling everybody is an enemy. I feel so seenâŚthank you for sharing your story!
Your words could have been my own. That is how strongly I relate to your comment. Thank you.
More than a few lightbulb moments for me watching this. I understand now my visceral reaction to being asked what I want in life. So thankful I found this channel !
Welcome to the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This hit me like a bullet between the eyes and described me to a T. Well, almost. I would never ignore a dog . â¤đâ¤
Same here đ .
This has been me. I just started buying myself cute, sexy stuff. A relationship blew up, but I put in one very healthy boundary for myself, and things ended. So I'm working on internal self. And want to put myself first, but I'm going to be honest. I deserve happiness. I also stay honest for being integrity with myself and others.
Thats so brave of you. Wishing you fullfillment and happiness
It's funny how doing something to take care of yourself feels. I bought new pants, new sexy underwear, fun cute stuff to wear. And the first thing I was asked is who's the guy I'm dating. Proudly I said no guy, this is for me to feel good, to feel pretty. I'm worth the investment to take care of myself. I got new shoes, a new job, pants for work, because I needed them, and I deserve them.
@@EMuro-wu7uy you go girl!
Boy ,I practically have all the signs of self suppression. Its hopeful to uncover them because they have been there for so long, taking up useful space in my life. Just acknowledging them and the reasons why I do them feels sort of freeing in a way. I had to smile each time you addressed each sign because you were" right on "with me. Looking outside my door before I leave to make sure that there are no people around to have to talk to was a big one ,because I do it all the time! Amazing insights!
Your content has been absolutely nailing it lately! The clutter video got to the root of the problem from every angle of every kind of clutter, and this one is a little-discussed, but huge issue, as well. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the channel has been helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy YW. Please tell Anna to keep the topic-focused videos coming. As someone with a very neurodivergent brain, it's so much easier for me to understand and relate to her videos that are in this format versus the letter-reading, which forces me to parse between pieces of relevant and non-relevant information and then work to interpret how it relates to the video title, not to mention my own life- often leaving me feeling more confused. Circling back to the points one by one with the "fairy pencil" actually makes it even harder for me to follow and loses my attention. These are awesome, and I frequently recommend this channel to addicts in recovery, who often have traumatic pasts.
Ugh. So hard to not have a shame spiral after listening to this... it's hard when it's set up that these attributes are bad. Many things are true for me, many aren't. Some things I attribute to our personality traits, like shyness or whatever, not something that needs to be fixed or means something other than it's just the way we are... That said, I do resonate with a lot of these things and do want to make some changes... As a person with disabilities, I have to be really careful about how many things I think I need to change, it can get really depressing when I'm not able to make those changes and feel terrible about it...
I am the same way. What I've done recently was imagine that voice in my head as a version of myself who is bitter and terribly depressed, who thinks that by criticizing me before anyone notices what a loser I am she is trying to help spare me greater pain than the horrible things she says to me - and I thank her for trying to help me but that her ways worked before but they don't keep us safe anymore. And I reassure her that we will be ok even we feel unsafe.
Rather than viewing this ultra critical shame monster as an enemy to suppress. And this shame voice is slowly reducing.
â@@amberinthemist7912that is beautiful, thank you.
You got this. Baby steps, just micro progress, is to be celebrated. I learned that, even just doing a tiny thing, like throwing away 1 piece of old mail, was a step, and it felt GOOD!!! â¤
I have discovered your channel yesterday and can`t stop watching! Finally I hear things I needed to hear for many years.Thank you for becoming my bright light in this long and dark tunnel I was put in so many years ago.Thank you đšđš
This really strikes a cord with me. My father and brother were always bullying me, shouting at me, belittling or intimidating me. Something my . I avoided both of them much of the time. I spent more time at church or swimming but I also felt unloved and abandoned much of the time. I am learning how to connect with others in the last 5 or 6 years after many years of Counselling. Thank you so much for your channel Anna Runkle! I find your videos relatable and helpful. â¤
We understand as few others can and we're so glad you're here! You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Have you been peaking into my life?
Amazing how many things are exactly me, yet I feel continually stuck and struggling to do what I know is right and healthy for me.
Itâs so frustrating battling myself though I know, somewhere inside me, that I deserve so much better.
We all do.
I admire her expression of empathy and compassion. She articulates things in the least offensive yet most accurate and impactful way. I learn so much from this woman. She is literally a breath of fresh air and a ray of light guiding the the shipwrecked survivors ashore. I am 38 years survived and I haven't lived at all. I have never allowed myself to bloom.
Almost every single point in this was me before, but i recognize that now i am on the path to better. Healing started a few years ago, with cleaning my space and stopping the hoarding. My stuff is still not upto the standards of my 'normal' husband, but its way beyond what it used to be. I still struggle with taking consistent action. Its hard to get 2 days in a row of doing the dishes at the right time. Its hard to show up and prepare for interviews, and apply for them(this is the hardest for me). But recognizing that i am avoidsnt and playing small is helping me take small steps. I started learning for my career and started learning the local language yesterday.
Anyone can benefit from these tips. You don't need a trauma past to improve yourself with this practical guidance. Appreciate this!
I find that I donât allow myself to have joyful experiences, I am lonely and sad all the time and I wish I had the energy money and want to go on a nice vacation or see a movie, or eat at a restaurant, I just feel like that stuff is for people who deserve to have those experiences but I donât deserve them.
Also, people in the world are NOT nice anymore, Iâve watched people turn so ugly the past few years.
I hear you. Itâs ok. Sometimes if you find some day you like something, e.g. music, and youâll be firm with your boundaries also (searching someone to teach me playing guitar for example), and maybe try one step at a time putting you out there, at least a little bit, maybe online, maybe one day physically. I donât trust people much, but we donât have much choice than to put us out there, maybe 10 min at a timeâŚit gets worse the more you isolate yourself. Iâve been there and struggle as wellâŚ
If nothing changes, nothing changes. I love that one đ
I lost my mom to cancer at 6 and my father to the bottle. I'm 57 now and have been in 12 step recovery for decades. I love your videos. Thanks for what you do. I recognize almost all of these to one extent or another. It's a life long process weeding out all these manifestations of defects of character
Thank you for this video, Anna. Iâve done so many of the things youâve discussed, but I want to comment on friendships specifically.
I was friends with someone in my 20s who was stunning and a little arrogant about it. My self-esteem was so low, and I felt so ugly around her, that I finally reached a point where I just couldnât be around her anymore. I basically slithered away with no explanation.
I reconnected with her about 10 years ago and resurrected our friendship. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer, initially thought to be stage 1 but actually was stage 4 and terminal. We developed a closer friendship than weâd ever had in our 20s, and I found out that despite her looks, she had never felt good enough either. It was all bravado.
I was devastated when she passed away a few years later, and I really miss her. I wish I hadnât wasted all that time. Life is so strange sometimes, but Iâm so happy that I reached out to her when I did.
A lot of this is spot on but not all. I remember feeling guilty for eating healthy food. I didn't feel like I deserved to eat at all.
It's taken years to move on from that.
Majority of what she's saying is accurate. When I started to heal, I bought nice clothes again, nice underwear, started to exercise.
I found a will to live and a desire to want good, beautiful things in my life.
The other day, I approached the boss and asked for a pay rise to what he said it was way above the other members of the team. I noticed he didn't say, 'No!'. So I said, 'I understand that, but my commitment and hard work back up my request.' I get now the highest wage amongst the staff in my department. Cheers
I have heard people describe good sponsors as "not signing off on my bologna". That's what this feels like. Thank you. â¤
Having pets, in this case cats, it's almost impossible to keep a clean household. But I try. And it's worth having them. Lately I have become better at cleaning and keeping it tidy. What a wonderful feeling to have windows so clear that insects bump into them..Everyday I find things to do to improve my life, small things, but they adds up. â¤
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I keep my pets spaces cleaner than my own I've noticed.
I really needed this. I've been going through a hard time and I've just felt really lost. I appreciate the reminder to focus on the things we can change rather than blaming others or feeling helpless.
âWhat is it about being around people who did not have a horrible childhood that makes you feel so bad or inadequate?â
When I graduated from college and went to work, I became a teacher. There are a lot of females in the teaching profession, and females like to get together and do things/talk a lot about their families, their children, their up- bringing/parents their memories, and their friends. And I live in the South, where outside of large cities, everyone knows everyone and lots of people grew up with similar values in the same churches and schools. My father was severely mentally ill ( paranoid schizophrenic ) and violent/threatening at times, and my mother had tons of her own issues (she had Obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which is different from OCD but shares some characteristics, and she was a workaholic and could be mean, rigid, super controlling, and sadistic at times⌠and she hated me and had a lot of problems with women herself because her own mother was cruel to her), but she was educated and accomplished. ( We seem to value workaholics our capitalistic society. ) She divorced my father for the last time ( she was separated from him for several times before the final divorce ) when I was 12. We moved ( very suddenly ) to a very small town with some poverty and the schools were bad. I learned just to keep my mouth shut about all my suffering and abuse ( physical and emotional, mainly from my mother ) because I was labeled as âweirdâ and someone to stay away from by kids my own age and by their parents. Awful high school experience. I just stayed by myself most of my high school years. I attracted predator type high school/college boys who took advantage of me since I had almost no one to protect me/befriend me, although my mother was super controlling of me, and anyone who did try to become my friend, even behind the scenes, she would also try to control or ârun them offâ if she couldnât control the whole situation⌠she had people, her own relatives, spy on me often under the guise of trying to protect me from my âcrazy fatherâ. As an adult, I have suspicions that she was a lesbian, or at least could not have a normal relationship with men, and that it was so suppressed in her that it came out in strange, hateful, abusive acts towards females. As an adult, when I hear other females laughing, happy and talking about all their good memories of their families and childhoods, I have feelings I could not even name for decades, but now recognize as rage, bitterness, jealousy, sadness, loss, griefâŚeven tears in front of them at times. There was a time when I was so angry that I would hope something bad would happen to some of them so that they would know how I feltâŚ.how severe pain and anguish felt. Itâs still so hard even today, that I avoid most people in relaxed situations where this type of sharing goes on and I just copy my momâs behavior and I worked like a dog most of my life which gave me some structured contact with people. âStructured contactâ with humans is about all I can muster. Sad.
One of her best videos â¤
Thank you! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks Anna I appreciate the information in this video.
My job required alot of travel.I was a Flight Attendant for a major airline. Long story short, the Good LORD provided a desire of my heart, a black lab female puppy. I reminded God He knew what I did for a living and that He would have to provide a dog sitter also.
I had "Jireh Blue Too" for 14 years. Moved to different states 3 times. NEVER ONCE did I have to find a dog sitter. People would ask me if they could keep my dog while I flew.
Blue's favorite place was with me but I was blessed with wonderful people that kept her.
Blue even knew had to pack her own bag with her favorite toys.
Get your dog. Blessings Jane
My dogs have literally saved my life countless times. They are true healers. And that unconditional love! Whoops boy! :)
Is it a dog?
:)
You just described me but me I've given up on ever being a normal human being.
I think the right term is "healthy human being". There are psychologists that say that "normal" doesn't exist and it's not a precise term.
They use the term healthy.
It's possible to be a little bit healthy day by day but please, be realistic about it.
If you suffer from C-PTSD, it won't be overnight but please, don't give up on being healthy, even though your life is not perfect.
I'm 23, a woman, and don't have any friends, at all. I'm really scared of speaking to other girls, but I want to connect so badly. I have nearly every habit in this video too. I don't care how weird this sounds, this is the most I can put myself out there... if any other girl is looking for a lady friend, I'm here. I can always lend an ear, and I'm open-minded. I know it takes guts to reply, but maybe it can lead to the biggest change of our lives if you did. đ
please make an in depth video video on what it means to be your real self!
Thank you for the suggestion! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes!! And relatedly: how to find what career will fulfill you
Such important info for those on a healing journey! Iâve turned some of these around already, still struggle with a few.. but itâs freeing to know what it stems from, rather than a negative personality trait.
One that sticks though, is this feeling that I canât have nice things. Canât live in a nice place, etc. definitely playing small, the nice stuff feels weird? Like it doesnât fit me. But Iâm working on it!
Similar here. I even buy myself nice clothes but wear the same crappy 3 outfits. A more extreme example is that I rent an apartment and bought a rather nice small house a few months ago. Rather than be excited to move into somewhere nice, I stay stuck in the apartment, not motivated to move. Not even paying rent *AND* the mortgage is motivating me. I need to figure this out and live decently instead of what I'm doing now.
@@amg9163 I so understand this! Iâm living in a crappy area of town where homeless/drunk people sneak into the apartment building and urinate/vomit in the stairwell. I even found fentanyl laced crack outside my door.. yet I stay. And I make a damned good wage. The last time I moved, I drove around and the ones in the nice neighborhood felt so weird. But Iâve been healing more, and the grit and grime that used to feel comfy now jars me. My nervous system longs for peace and beautiful surroundings. I hope you find a way to feel comfortable in your new home soon. Iâm proud of you for even buying the place! Maybe if you go there little by little, bringing items over slowly, it wonât feel like such a shock?
This one is so good that I have to put it on repeat!
I'm so happy to hear that! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, thank you for sharing about your friend mother who remarried in her 80's & in her later years fell in love. Its a great reminder, anything is possible. ⤠Abraham and Sarah had a baby in their 90's......with God anything is possible. At 61, I've been hurt, abused, divorced (20 yr marriage), and thought I'll just be alone the rest of my life. I will keep an open mind that even if I find that true, unconditional love, even if its in my 80's, at least I'd be loved. I have lost everyone I have ever loved, my only child (38 yr old prodigal daughter) 3 grandchildren, parents & my beloved Daisy (dog). I've thought about getting another dog, but I'm a cancer survivor & I have no one to care for a dog if I'm hospitalized again.....so I love on stray dogs. ⤠Not sure I can handle another loss (abandonment). I'm so grateful that you are sharing your gifts with everyone. I've learned so much from you in the last few months than I've learned from 30 yrs of therapy. You are truly a blessing to so many. ⤠đ
Some people donât have money⌠so appreciate what they do bring. I always help clean up
I recognise all of them and this is a great video. I did all the self-development and became accomplished and educated and financially stable. BUT.. now approaching my 70s naturally my priorities have changed - and my attitudes. My background did leave me with limitations - and humbly accepting this is very peaceful and loving - I do it for CPTSS friends and family. Isn't the solution somewhere in the middle? 12 step programmes are fabulous but you need your BS detectors on there too - New Age is absolutely rife where your Higher Power can be a Tree. Later in life a church suits me better - working on self improvement, confessing etc, recognising my brokeness - none of this is the just the realm of CPTSS. Viz a viz groups - I am now doing them but it is difficult. 95 per cent of people are great, but the bully homes in on me. I can now choose to speak or to be silent - yesterday I chose to speak 'truth to power' as I was subjected to severe passive aggressive bullying about being English (I live in France). There are historical rivalries and I would be naive if I believed this would not happen - it does - sometimes I just bat it right back by making light of it. Yesterday the person I spoke to said ;I was imaging he had a problem with the English (mocking my accent at breakfast gave me a pretty good idea what I was dealing with. ) I knew . I wasn't imaging his non-verbal aggressions (to my neighbour 'do you have a problem with the English?) and just said 'no I am not' and left. We dined together after and the behaviour had stopped and he smiled at me. Felt like a black belt but it was so hard. I had a choice - be bullied throughout lunch or take the bull by the horns. He then gave a sermon on loving thy neighbour!!! Love is respecting someone you do not like. He has the right to not like the English. I do not like him but I respect him as a human. It is so interesting how your American culture comes out - with us in our European semi socialist states, where the pursuit of happiness is not in our culture. Whilst agreeing with almost everything you say, there is a splended argument that learning how to accept suffering leads to peace. My body is now getting cronky enough to feel physical suffering. Another question I always have is that depression is considered as a symptom and a failure in your videos. There are many degrees of depression. I have used every tool in the book, am satisfied with my life but live with depression - live my life around the symptoms which for me have been profound and life long. A day of depression is now a day of prayer. Thanks.
You went right down the line with me. Hit every mark. Thank you, Anna, for being there for all of us. You have helped sooooooo much.
I nearly got all of them on this list...
Just wanna say that for those that have the stupid type of luck that my life has had where you fall through the cracks of "that doesn't/isn't supposed to happen," more times than you can count...if you wanna keep perspective and make sure you're not only not as negative, but also grounded in reality, my suggestion is to figure out what positive surroundings you can create right now and in the near future. What is it you can reach near or in front of you instead of trying to push things out the way to get to something you may not even want. Do you want the thing, or is it for someone else? Is it even healthy to get that thing? Do you really have to wait until you get that new apartment or house to change your room into something you actually love? I've had so many stupid things happen one after the other that my perspective change had to be trying to enjoy what little I could control...rightfully seeing that it isn't fair and also wrong that I have so little to control so now and then, but not staying stuck there and, making sure I do something about it. Even if it's just listening to music and drinking tea because I (thankfully) can't control the crappy actions of other people that ruined aspects of others lives. Idk
During this stage of my personal work, the part of me that is watching everything happen, I try to keep in neutral. I actually imagine an older model car console and, I reach up and shift it to N and, then feel the car move forward without resistance. And yet, it's still so hard to regulate sometimes. Especially, when the old stuff is right there, reacting in the old ways, when I get triggered. I'm 58 years old and, still wake up some mornings and the flutter is happening and my head is buzzing and I don't even know why. I started making content about a year and a half ago. Sometimes, during playback, I can see it ALL in my posture, on my face. I can't decide whether to laugh at her or cry with her. Both? But, there is a difference now, thanks to you and other online anchors, I have some tools. Thanks infinity. I checked a bunch of boxes today. BUT, some of them were good ones! Thanks again.
Excellent video! Thank you for sharing youâre wisdom and lived experience, so refreshing and realâŚ.so many people are not aware of how adverse childhood experiences impact into adulthood. Healing and recovery is possible! đđ
Youâre absolutely incredible. Iâve been in and out of therapy with numerous clinicians for 20 years and nothing has made sense or hit directly on these issues and all I end up doing is trying to get someone up to speed. This information through your videos is remarkable to me. Absolutely remarkable
Therapy and journaling, tracking my anxiety provoking thoughts on a daily basis, as well as tasks I've done (went to grocery store) and how I felt about it. Thought records and journals have been a game changer for me as well as seeing a therapist. Find a therapist that gives you assignments in between visits. Also becoming more conscious of what I put in my body, a lower a inflammatory diet. Being more conscious of the type of media I consume, how does it make me feel after watching/listening to it. And of course exercise. These are a few of the things that are helping me right now. Good luck everyone!
I had no idea that so many of these things were connected to my CPTSD. This video was eye opening! Checking out your daily practice next.
I'm so happy to hear that! -Calista@TeamFairy
The relatives on my fatherâs side always mistreated me as a child so when I became an adult Iâd only visit around holidays and even then I was met with hostility so now I just donât come around at all.
Every single one. But now that I am aware, I can work on them. So big thank you! Been watching. a lot of your videos, started the daily practice yesterday and I already feel a little less hopeless and afraid.
A pretty smart person once said to avoid these things when young as they permanently affect your life; Debt, children & addictions.
This video is an eye-opener! I will have to watch it a few more times to process my trauma, but thank you for this awareness session. God bless you!
Wow this really touched a cord and I hadnât even realised how much I was suppressing myself.
I donât know how I discovered your videos. But I am so infinitely grateful I did.
My dad recently passed away, parallel to this I was in the process of getting diagnosed with adult ADHD, and I know I had a crappy childhood but I always thought ptsd is something that happens to people who go to war.
Like at first I didnât even feel âentitledâ to have c-ptsd. I donât remember being criticised, but as a matter of fact I donât remember any of my childhood.
And then your video about âclutter is a symptomâ showed in my search (I was looking for âhow to clean when depressedâ). And WOW! I started to ask myself if perhaps I could have c-ptsd, and then I watched more videos, and they are all useful, but this one huiiiii!! Iâve done 90% of the things in your list. And I know itâs because I didnât want to rock the boat when it was already so rocky.
But more than clarity, youâve given me HOPE. I am a mum now, and I want to do better for my children, and I know I have, but also that sometimes I donât even know or have the tools to give them what they need.
I started the daily practice and it was so incredibly helpful that I got scared, and I stopped it, but I always kept coming back to you, and taking really baby steps in my healing. But this video is making me determined to start the daily practice again, tonight, and opening up to life again. For myself and for my kids, my goal being to stop the cycle of dysfunction in my family with me. With love, Lara
Also I was wondering if you could make a course or some videos on how to parent with C-PTSD, because you said you have children, and I struggle with boundaries, chaos, lack of self care that I model to my kids, and more. Itâd be a lifeline to many of us! Much appreciation!
All of this is spot on. I'm laughing so hard at how you've called my bluff over and over. Thank you so much, CCF!
This is so me but I have succeeded in my career regardless because I am a workaholic and I used work and alcohol to deal with my issues. I didnât have to deal with emotions and such because I had to focus on patient care and the procedures I was doing so much. I was a functioning alcoholic. I realized when I switched careers and had more time on my hands in the office that it is self suppression. My psychologist has helped me realize this. I stopped drinking and am healing. You bring up so many things that I identify with and it prompts me to talk to my psychologist about. I am definitely am pessimistic a lot! Thank you for these videos! You have helped me a lot!! â¤â¤
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Everything you say resonates so much and are things that I have thought but was sure no one understood. There is so much information on the internet but the way you express the inner workings of a CPSTD mind and world can only come from someone who has walked the path of healing it and truly understands. Thank you for making me feel less alone and like there is some hope
These are such powerful and universally relevant points and strategies beyond trauma survivors.
I just found this channel this morning by wondrous synchronicity and how I wish I had this clarifying info for the last 30 years! I prayed for clarity for so long but remained confused/in a fog by the source of my issues.
But all things arrive at the time when they need to come, not necessarily at the time when we think we should have them. It's all about the right timing.
[isn't that always the case when we evolve and find the keys to the next step in recovery?! lol]
I'm subscribed now of course. I will always need help at becoming a better human.
I had a relatively good childhood (no room to complain really) so I've been very confused by my inability to stop my life-long self-sabotage... but I did have an overly critical parent whose own childhood trauma/fears [Depression Era/WWII deprivation/Base chakra damage/Inner Child suppression] was passed on by teachings/by example; and my whole family line displays chronic hoarding issues. Probably a hereditary/generational thing combined w individual traumas... could have used this video 200 years ago. lol
To have this video define and clarify the issues that I have, well, it has been a gift I have been pleading to my Guides for for years (maybe a lifetime). I just needed the issues to be defined with proper objectivity. It really helps to know that CPTSD is a real 'thing' so family members/friends can stop gaslighting me now when I try to talk about it/psychology/cause of sabotaging habits.
I'm going to keep focusing on my recovery and digging into these videos because the answers to my desire to improve are in here somewhere.
---> The techniques to practice contained in these videos are really helpful to my sense of safety, since I'm very easily overwhelmed and discouraged when facing the enormity of what I'm trying to accomplish by working on my/family issues.
Then, when I have practiced and healed a bit, I may share these videos with my family. I have 'setting and enforcing boundaries' issues that I have been working on for a few years and I'm getting better at it, but the clarity in these videos will put me over the top.
Being the youngest sibling and only girl [beside my conciliating mom] in a family of 6 w overbearing men has left me with both baggage and strengths. Sorting them into which is which has been the life-struggle while I have been coping using self-sabotage to suppress my deepest fears of rejection.
Sorting out which fears are theirs and which are truly genuinely mine has been a chore as well. I tend to react either way to those triggers out of habit.
C'est la vie.
Another sunrise đ brings new information that comforts me with warmth while I take my journey forwards. So, in the end, it's all a gift even if sometimes the wrapping isn't all that attractive. The good stuff is on the inside.
I find the point of my life is to experience and learn... and I have done both pretty well so far. I bet you have too if you're watching videos like these. Well Done You!
Be careful what kind of example you set since everyone is watching - try to make it a good one if you can.
So Thank you for the help, CCFairy. You have been sent to me by higher forces at the right time for me to hear what you have to share.
So grateful, so grateful... đđđ
Welcome to the channel, we're so happy to have you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
â@@CrappyChildhoodFairy TY for doing this fine work. ^_^
This channel is turning out to be really nice help for my Inner Child/Base chakra healing of the sovereignty disrespect I experienced which has wreaked havoc on my life progress/emotional health. Being a Scorpio, I self-sabotage with the best of them. lol
I've made a lot of progress this week by adding your videos to my self-therapy/holistic learning that I practice from of the Heart Alchemist's channel. Between the 2 of you, I feel I'm making serious headway now. Better late than never, lol.
[I'm a super-sensitive-type person (easily affected by sufferings of others). I find it especially hard when the bullying/devaluing of one's self/others is done subtly over time by loved ones/acquaintances.
Since the damage isn't physically or emotionally overt, this American society tends to gaslight the struggling person or tell her/him that they're just whinging because their problems are minor/non-existent compared to people who have had it far worse than them; and that their problems are just born from their own procrastination/privilege/laziness.
But the reactionary, behavioral damage displays all the same (rich or poor, aggressive or peaceful) from the affected person and still must be dealt with by that person to be whole - so I feel that whether the strength of the source damage/conditioning is visible or socially validated, or not, is irrelevant - the harmed person still carries the damage within and needs to heal somehow.]
Self-sabotage is a rough business, isnt it?!
Omg, not even two minutes in and you're talking about me! đ˘ I needed to hear this. â¤â¤
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
One for the algorithm. Gold tier content
I am bound by every single thing you named here except one. Iâm not in a relationship so those issues donât apply in my situation but all the rest do. You really hit every issue Iâve struggled with for years.
It's your second comment I read. I've been very seclused most of my life... Then things and people happened, which brought further trauma, but also kicked me in a new direction where I found a better version of me, happier, more accomplished and even love. I wish you to find the will to be open to the world, because who knows how much unfulfilled potential you have... if you never risk, you won't find out.
@@Lapastel37 I sincerely do appreciate your encouragement. I really do. Iâm amazed by people who turn their lives around. Iâve just never had much courage to face really hard situations. Iâm afraid of nearly everything. Then when we lost my mother almost 6 years ago that was it for me. Any joy and hope I had, left me. I honestly donât want to change and thatâs what perplexed me. Other than my sister I havenât seen family or friends in 6 years, havenât celebrated one birthday or holiday and I donât want to. I feel overwhelming shame and just canât deal with all the questions family always asks because they canât understand why I want to be alone. Iâve accomplished absolutely nothing in my lifetime so itâs hard to explain that to people when theyâre so convinced youâre so talented and competent and I believe nothing could be further from the truth. The one thing Iâve always admired about people is their fearlessness or the strength they muster to face their fears. Iâve never been able or willing to do that. Nearly everything scares me and when I fear something I go out of my way to avoid it. I calculate everything to make sure anything I do presents as little risk as possible. My childhood was quite traumatic so Iâm very very protective of myself. I do wish I understood why I have no desire to change. I watch videos like this one because Iâm always trying to understand and work out in my own mind if my messed up thinking is just me or was it the terrible dysfunctional environment I grew up in. I donât know if maybe I was born with some of this or if Im so introverted because of the things that went on when I was a kid. I just hope I get answers that can help me figure out why Iâve been so comfortable in isolation and why I am so unwilling to change that. Im really happy for you that you have found ways to improve your life and I hope that upward trajectory continues for you. Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm proud of myself in watching this video it seems I reached at least being on the fence with many of these self-suppressions - I clean my room and take myself out of my comfort zone more now - but 100% have been on the suppressed side of every single one of these for as long as I can remember. Therapists never knew enough for me either. So grateful real modern talk is happening, thank you! đ
I'm proud of you too! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy đđŤśđ
I'm only halfway through but I feel compelled to chime in: some of these behaviors are classic introvert maneuvers (e.g., avoiding the neighbors , not picking up the phone when people call, not wanting to participate on command). There is nothing wrong with or undesirable about introversion, and these behaviors don't necessarily belong on the list. Apart from that this is a good video.
Exactly! Thank you!!!! I was annoyed by the expectation to have to "be like the extroverts" in order to be "normal"; introverts need to be understood and sometimes left alone! ..otherwise we're just going to drive ourselves crazy with the expectation to be "on" all the time. I was hoping that she would address this topic from the perspective of an introvert, but was disappointed that she didn't.... Personally, I can't be helped if I feel crowded/watched/judged, and if I'm exhausted from dealing with my own brain & life baggage, I certainly won't be able to "entertain" chatty extroverts. I'd be looking for the nearest exit and hiding out for days afterwards lolđ¤đ
I've gone through a lot healing, therapy, recovery, and spiritual growth. (I'm in my 50s). Sometimes I slide back or undermine the healthy gains I've made, and find I forget the positive and let negativity creep back into mind. Thanks for your videos, they are validating and supportive.
We're all isolating in our cluttered houses lol.
That was exceptional and emotional and exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so so much â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤
Trying to get new silks at 69 don't care what anyone thinks accept me . Hoping to be competent at new skills
I made growth steps in the past, and am still learning, so thank you for some needed gentle guidance right now.
I say "hello" to people, but they give me sometimes their fake smile and it gives me instant regret that I said "hello".
I'm working on having more people in my life .. I have been meeting people with common issues in support groups I've been attending...
You are an Angel bringing light into ppls darkness-
Outstanding presentation, I needed these insights 30 years ago when I was a young adult starting my career. I was diagnosed with autism at 60 and internalized a great deal of personal shame and severe depression. In the past 10 years, I have embarked on a solid personal recovery program and am believing more in myself. Just discovered your outstanding channel and I learn new ideas from you daily.
Congratulations on your progress! Thank you for sharing this. Julie@TeamFairy
That was basically my life in bullet points. Not only is the clothing thing true for me, I would purposely buy drab, muted, earth tones for everything I wore specifically to blend in with the background and not be noticed.
Thank you for continued validation and encouragement.
You're so welcome, we're glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
The timing of this information, couldn't be more divine.
Shame is such a stronghold, a lot of people are suffering from under it. Be calm and patient with yourself, shame causes a lot of anxiety. Healing does take time.
As always, your clarity and plain talk bring light to dark corners! đđđ
I'm so glad :) -Calista@TeamFairy
God knows I appreciate how this woman be dropping gemsđŻâ¤
Every single point is a reflection of my life. I am glad there is some recommendation at the end on how to begin change. These solutions are going to require continuous reinforcement. Balanced self awareness and self expression. I feel like I have cursed my family with similar behaviors. Thank you for opening my eyes
I used to know a group of people, but they irritated me, got on my nerves. They were very much about what jobs they had and the house they lived in. I really started to dislike them so I removed myself because I felt unhappy. I think sometimes you canât stay if you feel you donât belong