You are not alone. There are many other people who feel guilty as well. I have 4 or 5 videos that discuss it that you may want to check out. Do you know specifically why you feel guilty and where it is coming from?
Yes, the guilt is hard to carry for me also. I'm reading some Blogger posts where I wrote about the difficulty of taking care of my mother, who died. The writings remind me of the difficulty even just during the first year of caring for her and I cared for her for eight years.
This video deserves more likes and exposure that it has. I'm glad I found it. I've been hating myself for not being able to save my mom last month despite my brain knowing that the situation was beyond my control, I'm constantly ruminating and I find myself thinking about that day over and over again, I'm still in shock, I don't know how to stop but I do know that a step at a time. My world stopped the day she left and it still feels unreal.
I’m so glad you found it and it helped you! We beat ourselves up so much for what we perceive as failures don’t we? Your commented helps it get more exposure! Please share it with others!
My wife just passed away a few days ago at 60 years old. She suffered from an illness that she battled for 40 years. I was her husband, best friend, home care person and mental health support etc.... I just wish I could have done more to save her.
Oh my goodness Tom, I’m so sorry you are going through this! Of course you wish you could have saved her! As a woman, we want our men to be perfect and make our lives perfect. As woman, we want to believe you can fix everything too! But it’s not fair of us to put that burden on you, and it’s not fair to put that burden on yourself. It sounds like you did soooo much. How wonderfully blessed your wife must have felt. I won’t lie to you, this is a hard road ahead of you, because she was your wife and you were her caregiver too! The best advice I can give is not to do it alone! Check out my new to grief playlist and reach out to me when you are ready to talk!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in May 2022. It's the hardest thing you will experience, and it isn't "comfortable" at all. It's okay to cry. It's okay to talk, and I feel it's okay to listen. You did your job taking care of others. Now is the time to take care of you. 💚🙏
I’ve been struggling since December 2019 when my mom passed. I appreciate that I’ve found this video. This has definitely given me some things to think about. Thank you.
Hi, my name is Devon Roberts and I am now 44 years old. I lost my mom in 1999 and I had to tell all my sisters that she was gone at that time. She meant a lot to me and I was alone still trying to get myself together and even now, I am sad, scared, afraid and just plain angry about the whole situation. This year of 2023, I am working on one last class before graduation and she won't be there to celebrate with me and neither will my dad. All my life, he was there, but he was very strict with me and we always had arguments with each other. Every day when I get up in the morning, I always thank God that he woke me up and then when it's time to go to bed for the night, I get scared with closing my eyes and wondering if I would wake up the next morning. Even in the day, I feel like somehow, I never know. I moved around a lot after I was in hospitals because I never knew how she died, and now finally, I am living with a woman named Jackie who I have been living with for 14 yrs. Hopefully, I can forgive myself for living alone and being able to trust myself and do what I need to survive and just move on each day.
Thank you, you actually said some empathy i needed to hear. Rumination has destroyed me, and the coulda shouda wouldas don't end. So much negative energy. Im constantly beating myself up both mentally and physically. One thing different in my situation is... it really was my fault. I can't stop blaming myself. ... the loss has devastated me. My future i planned, the purpose and identity,.. the security gone. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and chronic insomnia. Isolating, unable to barley shower, eat. I lost interest in everything. My mental and physical health is declining. My eyesight went Bad.! I lost my dream career job I loved.! ... I have nothing now. I don't have a future I'd want. I have S.I. everyday... Regret, guilt just won't stop 😢....
Even if it was or is your fault, forgiveness is about giving your grace even when you dont feel you deserve it. Its what your loved one would want. It is a practice but you can do it. YOUR life may depend on it!
@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty Thank you so much for caring 💗 ... The deaths has caused many other things to go bad. I lost my job after 20yrs. Im suffering with horrible anxiety, insomnia and severe depression. You can imagine the damage to my mental and physical health. I'm close to bed ridden, I can't and don't want to engage in life anymore. Hobbies, friends etc. I just have no want to live now. If i hadn't lost my job, I could have eventually recovered. Now, I lost my dreams, my purpose, identity and something I looked forward to do everyday. Loosing my eyesight had made everything worse. Thank you for caring about and replying. ⚘️💕🫶
Of all the CZcams videos about trying to forgive your self, this is the top nr 1. I really needed to hear this, and yes.. it is a practice, thank you Catherine 🙏🙏🙏
My son died of fentanyl poisoning 10 months ago. I was a teen mom and have struggled with mental illness and dysfunction throughout my life. I blame myself for not being a good parent a lot of the time. I loved him always but made so many mistakes that feel inexcusable and unforgivable. I blame myself for his drug use and mental illness and ultimately for his death. I really don’t feel I deserve to live but know it would be reprehensible to leave my other son alone with another loss.
I’m glad that you won’t do anything to hurt yourself. I wrote an article a while ago on the opentohope website called, A letter to grieving mother’s that reminds us how strong the mother child bond is and how we feel responsible for all of it. We all makes mistakes as moms. Practice forgiving yourself can help.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you Catherine, I’m doing ok, I appreciate your message. I’ll look up the article you mentioned, sounds pretty relatable.
So very sorry for your loss. To lose our spouse is a different kind of grief. My parents and in-laws when they passed was hard but I also lost my husband recently on Christmas morning 2021. It's a whole different kind. 41 years we would have celebrated this coming March. Adding to that the time prior to our wedding and we were together nearly 44 years. I feel broken and empty. We definitely lose a part of ourselves. I hope you are doing well and have been kind to yourself. Take care and may you enjoy peace and calm and happiness soon.
I can't thank you enough for making this video. You've helped me so much! My father passed away January 4th of this year and the guilt has been excruciating. I never knew I could feel so much emotional and physical pain 💔 we had a great relationship but I keep hurting thinking about how much more I could have done for him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom 😊
Thank you for making this video, it helps to understand many feelings we experience during grief, I believe guilt is a hard one to overcome, this video was like listening to a friend who supports you and understands why you are going through, thank you again.
This helps. It's been six weeks since the death of my husband. To forgive myself is a decision. One that will set me free. I struggle greatly with letting go. I need more time to get to where I can live with the loss and also feel joy because I was and am truly blessed. This is a HUGE learning curve. And I thank you.
Joanne! You are so right. It can be hard to be patient and it is absolutely a practice to learn how to forgive yourself. For me, I want to be in control all the time, but sometimes the things we want come to use by surrendering to what is. I need a LOT of prayer for this!
I feel guilt and pain after my uncle died from covid because when i knew he was sick i didn't call him or call a doctor for him and when he is gone to the hospital it was too late and he died, so i feel responsible of his death, i say to myself if i made that call he will be alive, and i feel like if i didn't care about him because i don't understand why i didn't call so it is hunting me and i feel depressed
Haven’t acknowledged my grief all year. Its turned me into such a difficult person, full of coldness and blindness and nastiness. Ive been trying to be gentle and I’ve actually been projecting my pain everywhere bc I’ve been running from it. Thank you for this video.
I witnessed so much suffering. Maybe I think I should suffer too. Though, I know Joshua would not want me to suffer more.🥀🙏 April 24, 1989-May 29, 2020 Joshua
I feel horrible guilt. My father and I argued a lot the last year. Mostly because I wanted him to move here so I could take care of him and he didnt want to move in with me he was in his 70's and wanted to keep his independence. Then he fell Jan 13 2024, and almost broke his hip, and he came to stay with me so I could take care of him, then, while he was here, he had a heart attack and died. I feel like, I should have known something was going on with him, there were so many signs. I shoulda, woulda, coulda and its driving me crazy.
Guilt is part of the process. The fact that you wanted him to come stay with you shows what a good and caring daughter you were. I don’t think you could have known of the pending heart attack. You did have him at your home and he was with you in his last days. That sounds special.
My wife was ill for 25 years and I was her only care giver. She passed over a year ago with a heart attack. I feel that her heart attack was my fault because I should have cared for her in a better way. For 25 years I was responsible for every aspect of her life. I failed her because I did not see it coming and I should have got her help. The guilt is tearing me to pieces
John, I'm happy to speak with you. Guilt is a normal thing, but often we beat ourselves up more than we should. Reach out to me at griefinspired@gmail.com so we can work through it. Maybe my next course would help? It starts May 21st
I didn't think this was too long. 10 minutes on this topic would be too quick in my opinion. You reinforced your wise message to us throughout and this has created the beginning of a shift for me with my own feelings of guilt, regret and shame. I'm really grateful to find your channel. Thank you Catherine. 🙏🏼
My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that.
What a great video. I felt like you were talking to me personally. I'm a new widow, my husband just passed 6 weeks ago. I will be watching this a few more times because it was so helpful.
Hi Sue! Welcome to this community! I hate that you have to be here but I’m so glad you found me! What was your husbands name? Was his death unexpected?
Thank you so much for this video, so much of what you said is what I am feeling, very difficult, but I will try, to forgive myself and move forward, one day at a time.
Sorry to hear about your guilt. Don’t forget that it’s sooo easy to look back when you have more information. Did you do the best you could at the time? Did you love them?
My good friend sent this to me lost my Mom on Mother's Day May 10th 2015 seems like it just happened everyday I just can't stop crying but I don't feel any guilt about anything my sister and I took good care of her I'm proud of that.
I’m a co-dependent & I intentionally did something to hurt the person I loved as a cry for attention. I had a psychotic moment? Craving attention & affection?? I’m not sure why I did it but at the time I felt emotionally numb, and for several days afterwards. And then when I realized I had totally lost the person & that I deserved to lose them because of what I did, that’s when I finally started feeling emotions and they were/are horrible. I just ended a relationship because my codependent nature caused my expectations to be unreasonable & needy, which led me to make the poor decision of lashing out & truly hurting the person I love in a way that cannot be undone. How do I forgive myself? I caused them extreme pain & also hurt myself in the process.
Thank you, this is very helpful 🙏 I struggle a lot dealing with grief over my father’s death. I have a lot of feelings of guilt as well. A lot of ruminations in my head and questions like: was I a good daughter to him and I wish I listened to my father more (his advice), but I was a very stubborn child and had a lot of trauma couse me and my family went through war in ex Yugoslavia, so I guess that experience made me very fragile and kinda feeling like nobody understands me and I carried a lot of anger. I was a difficult child and like I said I wasn’t listening to my fathers good advice and now I see how he was so right always. I am sorry he was sometimes upset because he was sad to watch me grow up in so much anger and depression I was experiencing. Somehow I blame myself for his own depression later in life even though I think he would probably be angry at me for even thinking this. When he got sick before he died we did become closer, I was helping him as much as I possibly could and we didn’t have any more arguments but somehow I still carry around this immense guilt and grief and constant thoughts how I was a very bad daughter especially in my teens and 20’s. Later on I became more mature, but I guess I hate myself since I allow myself such a big burden of heavy emotions that drove me to addiction to food. I loved my father and still love him with all of my heart ❤️
To me you sound like an amazing daughter and the fact that you are asking if you were- tells me that you were. Are there things you would change? Maybe. You got closer as you were older which is such a gift. Focus on that. I bet he has things he wished he would have done differently too! It’s okay! Picture him giving you grace, forgiveness and love because you deserve it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
"we did become closer, helped him, no more arguing." For me, and maybe it can help you: To focus on the things you did FOR Dad and If you couldn't fulfill a wish of his in its entirety, then you can focus on what you did that was Similar to his wish. Yes, I look at the good times me and my Mom shared and the things I did for her. When my mother passed away a few months ago I went through a phase where I was disappointed that I didn't do this or that, like leasing her a car when she thought about a new car. Then I realized that she used my new cars whenever she wanted, I rarely said no. For me, I am totally comfortable in her home, I rarely cried in her home when she went away....but when I went shopping I would nearly cry in the stores because I for example didn't get her the pair of nice bedroom shoes I saw in the store. Then I realized that she had 3 pairs of bedroom shoes in her closest, although 1 pair was for a man, another pair tight, another pair fit just right. The point is *my heart was in the right place, in trying to even find her the right pair of shoes with enough cushioning. Your heart was in the right place- "we did become closer, helped him, no more arguing"- it sounded like you matured and was a great daughter. I also feel that arguments are just a part of any relationship, and they sometimes make relationships stronger.
Thank goodness I found you! I just lost my mum to cancer after 6yrs as her full-time carer. I was broken, exhausted & very tired. While i cared for her so well & loved her & told her all the time, I lost it sometimes because of the stress. My mum was bedridden in a hospital bed so her care was very high. Now I feel guilty for losing it & telling her how tired I was. It was a very hard journey but I kept her out of a nursing home which was my mums wishes. I just miss her so much & pain is just awful. I was her security & I spent soooooo much time with her, at home, every hospital visit (hours & hours in hospital to the point staff kicked me out). I know how much I did but I’m still feeling guilt for saying things out of frustration. Thank you for being on here. You’re a beautiful, caring woman 🙏
It’s okay to feel guilty. It’s part of the process. Practice forgiving yourself. I hear this from caregivers all the time because it is a grueling, full time job. Give yourself some grace for not being perfect. No of us are! It’s time to rest and heal yourself now. That is a tribute to your mum.
Thank You so much for this Video I am trying to help my wife with Guilt, we recently lost my mother which is her Mother in Law, she died from Complications due to the COVID, we had a Birthday party back in June for my wife and one of my Aunts that attended the party had COVID and gave it to my mother, and my mother ended up dying from complications 2 months later, now my wife has so much Guilt that if she would’ve never had or wanted the party in the first place my mother would’ve never had died. Please pray for us, I try and tell my wife that we could’ve never have known this outcome. Thank you 🙏
You are so right…there is no way either of you could have known. Guilt can be tricky. The hardest thing though can be letting go of guilt because as long as she can blame herself, she can be mad at herself. To give up the guilt would leave only pain….which she may not be ready for just yet.
I want my partner SO badly... He died six months ago, and I feel worse now than I did then... I want to die... I’m wasting away; all I do is sleep, crying, sleep, crying - it never ends... It’s all my fault. I know I didn’t give him the Cancer, but maybe the fact I depended on him for everything did not help... I can’t think of any happy times, though we had them, and nice things we said to each other, though we said them; all I can see and hear, is when I said things to him I did not mean; I’m afraid I hurt him and I can’t retract anything... I want to smell him - and I can’t; I haven’t moved anything around the house; not even things he left on the Kitchen Counter! His sick bed is left just as he left it when the Paramedics came to take him to hospital and never come home for the last time... The indentation is till in the pillow where he lay... I feel by moving or changing, or getting rid of anything, even an empty packet he held or touched is getting rid of him somehow... I have no friends because I haven’t been able to go out for years; I have no family, and I have no neighbours - I NEVER see anyone. The only time I speak to anyone, it’s Charitable Organisations - and I call them, I receive no phone calls... Every Organisation I have contacted have let me down; they promise to call me and check up on me - but they never do... What does one do in a situation like that? The fact that nobody cares about me must mean I am to blame for everything... I’m crying now - I can’t stop, I cried all the time I watched your Video even though I listened. You’re a truly lovely lady, because it really sounded like you knew what you were talking about. (so many don’t) I wish I could have talked to you face to face, as this is destroying me... It’s affecting my health, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep because I have to wake up, yet I have to sleep, because I cannot face being awake... I feel I am slowly dying... I’ve lost others in my life like my wonderful parents etc., but it’s never been anything like this... I’m frightened of life without him; he took care of me - we were a same sex relationship, and I really believe people care far less - no matter how liberal we have become. I know somebody who got more help than she needed; yet she was healthy (unlike me) she could go out, drive had Carers to assist her (I never had any) everything you could imagine, I don’t begrudge her - but why and how did she get it? I got nothing, and that’s why I know I am to blame... I am getting what I deserve... I love him so much, but I can’t show him anymore.... Thank you for sharing your thoughts. xxx
Whoa! This is an unhealthy path you are going down. It’s time to stop what you are doing. and try something else. You being miserable or being upset at yourself or others will not help. Cancer is an awful thing that happens to so many and robs us of time with our loved ones. Focus on what you do have, not what you don’t and think will begin to shift, I promise. Find a way to move forward because you can’t stay where you are forever.
My wife died in September 2021 some days I'm OK last couple of months it's hit me hard again like a tidal wave I'm guilt ridden the grief is unbearable so difficult wonder if I'll get by it I pray too God everyday and hope my wife is in a better place
You survived the first year, so give yourself credit for that. I personally believe your wife is somewhere better that we can’t explain yet. Let’s talk more about your guilt to help you let go of the pain of guilt. Will you please send me an e-mail at griefinspired@gmail.com and tell me more about your guilt?
thank u for these videos. they are so helpful. my mom died of heart failure.. she had chest pain two days before her death and she felt its due to acidity. i kept telling her to go to doctor. she didnt listen and took meds and felt better. she was fine the next day . but the day after she died. some people indirectly blame me for this and i myself feel terrible
I understand the pain you are experiencing. This type of scenario happens quite often. If your mom did not choose to go to the doctor, it’s not your fault. You were respecting her wishes, weren’t you? One other thought, do you know that if she had gone to the doctor, she still wouldn’t have died? I’m recording a video tomorrow about how hard we are on ourselves! It’s expected and common, but not necessarily accurate. Love ❤️ to you.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty you are so right im really trying to gather myself and not put myself on guilt else my entire life will be in depression. i insisted a lot but cud not force her.even a lot of people around me put me at guilt. im so looking forward to your videos. the way you are helping those who grieve to deal with their pain is so so commendable. thank you for all your efforts . god bless u a million times
My step dad pass away this year january 6... I cant move on... The last memory I had with him is when I ask him if he is okey , he just smile to me and he said he is okey do not to worry, if I know that thats the last time Im gonna see him smile... The guilt I feel is so hard to handle. What if I stop him, every night I always dream about him... That he is alive.
Thanks so much Catherine. I needed to hear this, had a very painful time and a LOT of it was generated by the kind of mentality you talk about. Have a great day. Pete. xo
I used to feel guilty less often but since turning to Christ and church groups I have started to feel guilty more often. When driving away from Jesus I feel more confident but when returning to church, the guilt comes back. At church we bring it up sometimes and our group agreed that part of faith is to celebrate our guilt, because it keeps us clean and beneath Him. Encouraging guilt is be part of our Christian culture that we inherited. I would not be ashamed of guilt as it is part of being a good Christian, and those that are not guilty might not be forgiven and thus might not reach heaven. I myself often have guilty feelings of not enough faith in God but I use this guilt to ask for forgiveness so I can be saved. I don’t think we should try to overcome our guilt but recognise it as part of being a Christian, even if it is difficult to live with. Even if we feel worse with this guilt, it I better to have it and know that we are true Christians. It brings us down, but it brings us together. Together, and down. Amen.
Catherine great powerful video as always. But I ruminate about the fights that Colin and I had they were verbal and physical, did these cause Colin's death, am I responsible for his death OMG if you could answer this I am listening! I like your hair again!
I'm struggling so much about this, however for the loss of my cat. I don't know if it's appropriate to comment here, I know some don''t understand the loss of pets. I've been more affected than the loss of people
For many of us, our pets are a big part of our lives and part of our families. Their loss can be quite significant! Comment on any of the videos you’d like to! I’m glad you are here!
My husband passed away 7 days ago. The guilt is surreal. Her had a major heart attack. I should have seen a sign. I should have heard him, if I acted faster..... he was my husband...I feel like I failed him when he needed me most
Ma'am, I'm really stuck with this grief. My pet cat died on Tuesday April 19, 2022. A month ago he is just fine until he got a cold or some respiratory problems and he is not eating. We brought him to the vet and the vet gave him medicines. Sunday before his death his appetite was coming back a bit because he was trying to eat the food but he can't eat it. Monday after that day, I noticed some trembles in his body and afternoon that day, I gave him dextrose because the vet says he needs it specially because he is not eating. Right after I gave him dextrose he is had seizures and idk what to do but gladly he did survive and we took him to the vet again, the vet said just continue giving him medicines. Tuesday afternoon a typical time of giving him medicine, I gave him medicine and just right after that he can't completely move then he eventually stopped breathing. I suspect that he got drowned after giving him medicine or his body can't take the medicine anymore, I can't stop blaming myself and I actually wanna suffer the same way he does and die. If I only didn't gave him that medicine he might have a chance of surviving.
I'm having a rollercoaster of emotions sometimes I feel like accepting it and sometimes I remember him and blame myself again. I have these thoughts of "I don't care if I die", "I wish I die and be with God" and "I wish I could have near death experience and have a conversation with God, the one who created my cat and the one who knows how he died".
Suicidal thoughts of any kind need to be addressed . Have you tried speaking with a therapist? It’s normal to feel guilt but there is no way to know if anything would be different if you hadn’t given the medicine, right?
Nearly a year ago I watched and I realized I was needing to place blame on someone for my boyfriend's death. I blamed me. He was an alcoholic, he had pre-existing medical conditions, he caught COVID. I helped enable his addiction. I bought him alcohol daily even tho I myself quit years ago. I blame me. February 2021 I lost him. Since then I've been in a spiral. Some days I'm completely fine. Others.... I can't find a reason to exist.
Sounds like we need a plan. Your grief is about your life more than it is your death. Let’s explore and find purpose and the reason you need. Email me @ griefinspired@gmail.con
Oh darling! Your pain is so raw and so knew. Give yourself grace just to be for now. Check out my new to grief playlist….know that everyone has elements of guilt and feels guilty….it is part of grief. And if you do feel guilty, is only because you loved her so much. I’m here when you need to talk. Just let me know!
I even can't explain now how much you are helping me in my grief... yesterday I lost my 90 years old mom in our home after 4 dark years... even though I gave her the best of my soul, I am feeling regrets about things that I could have done better. you are so kind and I want to thank you for your support.❤️🩹
Is it okay if we can e-mail one another because I didn't tell you that there is a woman who is named Michelle Coy that claims that always has time for me to talk to me as a therapist because I lost mom those years ago, but I feel like she never has time for me to "vent", especially since there are residents living around me and I am angry since they smoke all the time and I am taking an online class, but not unsure if I will pass even though I am passing, I fear that the grade will go down as the months go by. During the week, starting with Monday afternoon, there are more residents coming to the house and with one of them, all I can do is hear her laugh mercilessly and she would never stop talking! I mean, such a motormouth!!!!!! She's so hard to ignore! Anyway, I hope that I can pass this last class and graduate. She doesn't even call me during each week. I don't know if she's really busy, but I really need someone who will talk to me and support me and give me ways of taking care of myself.
I blamed myself for the death of my daugther... My daugther Uolikcaj died last August 12, 2022 due to drowning and until this moment of time it seems that it just happened earlier. We went to a beach together with the relatives, just with a second that a lost my sight to her and after 1 hour of searching we saw under the surface of the water... I love her soo much... I can't forgive myself of what happened...I think the only way to get out from this is to commit suicide...
It hurts my heart to hear you say this and it tells me how much pain you are in. If you are seriously considering suicide, I need you to call a suicide hotline immediately. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. After you have spoken to them, please contact me at griefinspired@gmail.com so I know that you are okay. You are not alone in this.
We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t know that forgiving ourselves is hard. I appreciate this video but please, keep it short. Too much unnecessary blah blah is a huge turn off. You could’ve covered all the important points in 10 minutes instead of 22.
It really is hard. Not just the grieving associated with the death of the loved one, but the guilt is the worst part for me.
You are not alone. There are many other people who feel guilty as well. I have 4 or 5 videos that discuss it that you may want to check out. Do you know specifically why you feel guilty and where it is coming from?
Yes, the guilt is hard to carry for me also. I'm reading some Blogger posts where I wrote about the difficulty of taking care of my mother, who died. The writings remind me of the difficulty even just during the first year of caring for her and I cared for her for eight years.
This video deserves more likes and exposure that it has. I'm glad I found it. I've been hating myself for not being able to save my mom last month despite my brain knowing that the situation was beyond my control, I'm constantly ruminating and I find myself thinking about that day over and over again, I'm still in shock, I don't know how to stop but I do know that a step at a time. My world stopped the day she left and it still feels unreal.
I’m so glad you found it and it helped you! We beat ourselves up so much for what we perceive as failures don’t we? Your commented helps it get more exposure! Please share it with others!
Talk to someone.
My wife just passed away a few days ago at 60 years old. She suffered from an illness that she battled for 40 years. I was her husband, best friend, home care person and mental health support etc.... I just wish I could have done more to save her.
Oh my goodness Tom, I’m so sorry you are going through this! Of course you wish you could have saved her! As a woman, we want our men to be perfect and make our lives perfect. As woman, we want to believe you can fix everything too! But it’s not fair of us to put that burden on you, and it’s not fair to put that burden on yourself.
It sounds like you did soooo much. How wonderfully blessed your wife must have felt.
I won’t lie to you, this is a hard road ahead of you, because she was your wife and you were her caregiver too! The best advice I can give is not to do it alone! Check out my new to grief playlist and reach out to me when you are ready to talk!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in May 2022. It's the hardest thing you will experience, and it isn't "comfortable" at all. It's okay to cry. It's okay to talk, and I feel it's okay to listen. You did your job taking care of others. Now is the time to take care of you. 💚🙏
What a great soul! Such concise, easily digestible advice we can apply NOW. Thank you! ❤
You are so welcome!
I’ve been struggling since December 2019 when my mom passed. I appreciate that I’ve found this video. This has definitely given me some things to think about. Thank you.
So true!! If I stop grieving I feel a loss of a connection with my wife. Makes sense
My spirit is moved into a state of grace and peace listening to your words. Beautiful. Just beautiful.
I’m so glad to hear that you enjoyed it!
I agree with everything you’re saying and am in the midst of grief, regrets and reaching for self forgiveness and acceptance.❤️
That is absolutely fantastic to hear. If you need help, just let me know!
Hi, my name is Devon Roberts and I am now 44 years old. I lost my mom in 1999 and I had to tell all my sisters that she was gone at that time. She meant a lot to me and I was alone still trying to get myself together and even now, I am sad, scared, afraid and just plain angry about the whole situation. This year of 2023, I am working on one last class before graduation and she won't be there to celebrate with me and neither will my dad. All my life, he was there, but he was very strict with me and we always had arguments with each other. Every day when I get up in the morning, I always thank God that he woke me up and then when it's time to go to bed for the night, I get scared with closing my eyes and wondering if I would wake up the next morning. Even in the day, I feel like somehow, I never know. I moved around a lot after I was in hospitals because I never knew how she died, and now finally, I am living with a woman named Jackie who I have been living with for 14 yrs. Hopefully, I can forgive myself for living alone and being able to trust myself and do what I need to survive and just move on each day.
Thank you, you actually said some empathy i needed to hear. Rumination has destroyed me, and the coulda shouda wouldas don't end. So much negative energy. Im constantly beating myself up both mentally and physically. One thing different in my situation is... it really was my fault. I can't stop blaming myself. ... the loss has devastated me. My future i planned, the purpose and identity,.. the security gone.
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and chronic insomnia. Isolating, unable to barley shower, eat. I lost interest in everything. My mental and physical health is declining. My eyesight went Bad.! I lost my dream career job I loved.! ... I have nothing now. I don't have a future I'd want. I have S.I. everyday...
Regret, guilt just won't stop 😢....
Even if it was or is your fault, forgiveness is about giving your grace even when you dont feel you deserve it. Its what your loved one would want. It is a practice but you can do it. YOUR life may depend on it!
@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty Thank you so much for caring 💗
... The deaths has caused many other things to go bad. I lost my job after 20yrs. Im suffering with horrible anxiety, insomnia and severe depression.
You can imagine the damage to my mental and physical health.
I'm close to bed ridden, I can't and don't want to engage in life anymore. Hobbies, friends etc.
I just have no want to live now. If i hadn't lost my job, I could have eventually recovered. Now, I lost my dreams, my purpose, identity and something I looked forward to do everyday. Loosing my eyesight had made everything worse. Thank you for caring about and replying. ⚘️💕🫶
Of all the CZcams videos about trying to forgive your self, this is the top nr 1. I really needed to hear this, and yes.. it is a practice, thank you Catherine 🙏🙏🙏
I'm so glad that it helped! Thank you for watching!
My son died of fentanyl poisoning 10 months ago. I was a teen mom and have struggled with mental illness and dysfunction throughout my life. I blame myself for not being a good parent a lot of the time. I loved him always but made so many mistakes that feel inexcusable and unforgivable. I blame myself for his drug use and mental illness and ultimately for his death. I really don’t feel I deserve to live but know it would be reprehensible to leave my other son alone with another loss.
I’m glad that you won’t do anything to hurt yourself. I wrote an article a while ago on the opentohope website called, A letter to grieving mother’s that reminds us how strong the mother child bond is and how we feel responsible for all of it. We all makes mistakes as moms. Practice forgiving yourself can help.
Hi Little Bird. Would you please send me an email at griefinspired@gmail.com so that I can know you are okay?
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you Catherine, I’m doing ok, I appreciate your message. I’ll look up the article you mentioned, sounds pretty relatable.
@@littlebird3495 www.opentohope.com/letter-grieving-mothers/
I lost my baby to the same in 2021. I lost my job because I couldn’t cope. My wife left me because of my pain. The guilt of this is unbearable
Thank you. Yes, grief is extremely hard. My husband died about 8 weeks ago. Your video helps.
I’m so glad it helped! Let me know what else you need! You can also email me at geifinspired@gmail.com
So very sorry for your loss. To lose our spouse is a different kind of grief. My parents and in-laws when they passed was hard but I also lost my husband recently on Christmas morning 2021. It's a whole different kind. 41 years we would have celebrated this coming March. Adding to that the time prior to our wedding and we were together nearly 44 years. I feel broken and empty. We definitely lose a part of ourselves. I hope you are doing well and have been kind to yourself. Take care and may you enjoy peace and calm and happiness soon.
I can't thank you enough for making this video. You've helped me so much! My father passed away January 4th of this year and the guilt has been excruciating. I never knew I could feel so much emotional and physical pain 💔 we had a great relationship but I keep hurting thinking about how much more I could have done for him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words of wisdom 😊
Thank you for making this video, it helps to understand many feelings we experience during grief, I believe guilt is a hard one to overcome, this video was like listening to a friend who supports you and understands why you are going through, thank you again.
You are very welcome. I like to be thy friend!
This helps. It's been six weeks since the death of my husband. To forgive myself is a decision. One that will set me free. I struggle greatly with letting go. I need more time to get to where I can live with the loss and also feel joy because I was and am truly blessed. This is a HUGE learning curve. And I thank you.
Joanne! You are so right. It can be hard to be patient and it is absolutely a practice to learn how to forgive yourself. For me, I want to be in control all the time, but sometimes the things we want come to use by surrendering to what is. I need a LOT of prayer for this!
I feel guilt and pain after my uncle died from covid because when i knew he was sick i didn't call him or call a doctor for him and when he is gone to the hospital it was too late and he died, so i feel responsible of his death, i say to myself if i made that call he will be alive, and i feel like if i didn't care about him because i don't understand why i didn't call so it is hunting me and i feel depressed
Thank you, I really needed to hear this today
This one video did me more good than all my counselling sessions. So much sense, thank you
Wow! Thank you for letting me know! I’m so glad. I’m available for coaching if you need me!
Haven’t acknowledged my grief all year. Its turned me into such a difficult person, full of coldness and blindness and nastiness. Ive been trying to be gentle and I’ve actually been projecting my pain everywhere bc I’ve been running from it. Thank you for this video.
What an amazing awareness! Congratulations on figuring it out. Now to love and forgive yourself. Let the pain out...so you can heal.
I witnessed so much suffering. Maybe I think I should suffer too. Though, I know Joshua would not want me to suffer more.🥀🙏 April 24, 1989-May 29, 2020 Joshua
We do put suffering on ourselves as part of the human condition. It doesn’t need to stay there. Forgive Yourself and move on.
I feel horrible guilt. My father and I argued a lot the last year. Mostly because I wanted him to move here so I could take care of him and he didnt want to move in with me he was in his 70's and wanted to keep his independence. Then he fell Jan 13 2024, and almost broke his hip, and he came to stay with me so I could take care of him, then, while he was here, he had a heart attack and died. I feel like, I should have known something was going on with him, there were so many signs. I shoulda, woulda, coulda and its driving me crazy.
Guilt is part of the process. The fact that you wanted him to come stay with you shows what a good and caring daughter you were. I don’t think you could have known of the pending heart attack. You did have him at your home and he was with you in his last days. That sounds special.
I kept screaming in my head "that's me that's me" throughout this video. So good. Thank you.
I'm so glad! That must mean we have a lot in common. Would you consider joining my upcoming grief course?
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty yes. Just need the info.
@@klehe Perfect...I believe I have your email, correct?
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty yes
My wife was ill for 25 years and I was her only care giver. She passed over a year ago with a heart attack. I feel that her heart attack was my fault because I should have cared for her in a better way. For 25 years I was responsible for every aspect of her life. I failed her because I did not see it coming and I should have got her help. The guilt is tearing me to pieces
John, I'm happy to speak with you. Guilt is a normal thing, but often we beat ourselves up more than we should. Reach out to me at griefinspired@gmail.com so we can work through it. Maybe my next course would help? It starts May 21st
My dog!! 💔😢I am suffering unbearable grief. Thank you for this
The grief of pets is under represented isn't it? They are part of our family and causes much grief as any one of them.
Yes. She was like my furry, for legged child. Everything I did was centered around her.
I lost my son on April 9th the grief is getting worse I miss him beyond words.... I can see the other side of this...
This was very helpful. Thank you for taking your time to help others. Your way of expressing this was very good.
@@patsyabernathy600 Thankbyou
There is a way through. It will take time and work....but you can do it!
Sending hope your way from one mother to another. My son died of fentanyl poisoning 10 months ago just after his 25th birthday.
I didn't think this was too long. 10 minutes on this topic would be too quick in my opinion. You reinforced your wise message to us throughout and this has created the beginning of a shift for me with my own feelings of guilt, regret and shame. I'm really grateful to find your channel. Thank you Catherine. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for subscribing!
My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that.
Grief truly is uncontrollable. It isn't something I would choose.
The important thing is to control the things you can and try to let go of what you can’t.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty agreed.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty having trouble letting go of one big thing I cannot change.
I’m in so much pain, and you’re providing some good comfort!! Thank you!!1❤❤❤
I’m so glad I can provide you comfort in your time of pain. I’m here for you!
What a great video. I felt like you were talking to me personally. I'm a new widow, my husband just passed 6 weeks ago. I will be watching this a few more times because it was so helpful.
Hi Sue! Welcome to this community! I hate that you have to be here but I’m so glad you found me! What was your husbands name? Was his death unexpected?
czcams.com/play/PLRm-S8JFCOUWbR5Oc4OF21ken7iRRN8ZH.html. Here is the new to grief playlist that will help!
Thank you so much for this video, so much of what you said is what I am feeling, very difficult, but I will try, to forgive myself and move forward, one day at a time.
You're amazing i needed to hear this it helps me move on ❤
I'm so glad it helped you!
I have a horrible guilt, we should of checked the ct scan before coming home, list of meds and double checked on what the meds were 😢😢😢 your video 💯
Sorry to hear about your guilt. Don’t forget that it’s sooo easy to look back when you have more information. Did you do the best you could at the time? Did you love them?
My good friend sent this to me lost my Mom on Mother's Day May 10th 2015 seems like it just happened everyday I just can't stop crying but I don't feel any guilt about anything my sister and I took good care of her I'm proud of that.
I’m a co-dependent & I intentionally did something to hurt the person I loved as a cry for attention. I had a psychotic moment? Craving attention & affection?? I’m not sure why I did it but at the time I felt emotionally numb, and for several days afterwards. And then when I realized I had totally lost the person & that I deserved to lose them because of what I did, that’s when I finally started feeling emotions and they were/are horrible. I just ended a relationship because my codependent nature caused my expectations to be unreasonable & needy, which led me to make the poor decision of lashing out & truly hurting the person I love in a way that cannot be undone. How do I forgive myself? I caused them extreme pain & also hurt myself in the process.
Forgive yourself by learning from it. What was the lesson? What won’t you do in the future? What will you do instead? Learn from it and keep going.
Thank you, this is very helpful 🙏 I struggle a lot dealing with grief over my father’s death. I have a lot of feelings of guilt as well. A lot of ruminations in my head and questions like: was I a good daughter to him and I wish I listened to my father more (his advice), but I was a very stubborn child and had a lot of trauma couse me and my family went through war in ex Yugoslavia, so I guess that experience made me very fragile and kinda feeling like nobody understands me and I carried a lot of anger. I was a difficult child and like I said I wasn’t listening to my fathers good advice and now I see how he was so right always. I am sorry he was sometimes upset because he was sad to watch me grow up in so much anger and depression I was experiencing. Somehow I blame myself for his own depression later in life even though I think he would probably be angry at me for even thinking this. When he got sick before he died we did become closer, I was helping him as much as I possibly could and we didn’t have any more arguments but somehow I still carry around this immense guilt and grief and constant thoughts how I was a very bad daughter especially in my teens and 20’s. Later on I became more mature, but I guess I hate myself since I allow myself such a big burden of heavy emotions that drove me to addiction to food. I loved my father and still love him with all of my heart ❤️
To me you sound like an amazing daughter and the fact that you are asking if you were- tells me that you were. Are there things you would change? Maybe. You got closer as you were older which is such a gift. Focus on that. I bet he has things he wished he would have done differently too! It’s okay! Picture him giving you grace, forgiveness and love because you deserve it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you so much for answering me, I really appreciate it. 🙏❤️🍀
"we did become closer, helped him, no more arguing." For me, and maybe it can help you:
To focus on the things you did FOR Dad and
If you couldn't fulfill a wish of his in its entirety, then you can focus on what you did that was
Similar to his wish.
Yes, I look at the good times me and my Mom shared and the things I did for her.
When my mother passed away a few months ago I went through a phase where I was disappointed that I didn't do this or that, like leasing her a car when she thought about a new car. Then I realized that she used my new cars whenever she wanted, I rarely said no.
For me, I am totally comfortable in her home, I rarely cried in her home when she went away....but when I went shopping I would nearly cry in the stores because I for example didn't get her the pair of nice bedroom shoes I saw in the store.
Then I realized that she had 3 pairs of bedroom shoes in her closest, although 1 pair was for a man, another pair tight, another pair fit just right. The point is *my heart was in the right place, in trying to even find her the right pair of shoes with enough cushioning.
Your heart was in the right place-
"we did become closer, helped him, no more arguing"- it sounded like you matured and was a great daughter.
I also feel that arguments are just a part of any relationship, and they sometimes make relationships stronger.
Thank goodness I found you! I just lost my mum to cancer after 6yrs as her full-time carer. I was broken, exhausted & very tired. While i cared for her so well & loved her & told her all the time, I lost it sometimes because of the stress. My mum was bedridden in a hospital bed so her care was very high. Now I feel guilty for losing it & telling her how tired I was. It was a very hard journey but I kept her out of a nursing home which was my mums wishes. I just miss her so much & pain is just awful. I was her security & I spent soooooo much time with her, at home, every hospital visit (hours & hours in hospital to the point staff kicked me out). I know how much I did but I’m still feeling guilt for saying things out of frustration. Thank you for being on here. You’re a beautiful, caring woman 🙏
It’s okay to feel guilty. It’s part of the process. Practice forgiving yourself. I hear this from caregivers all the time because it is a grueling, full time job. Give yourself some grace for not being perfect. No of us are! It’s time to rest and heal yourself now. That is a tribute to your mum.
What a video this was. Hit every nail on the head for me and made me feel so much better! ❤️ thank you
That makes me happy that I could help. Let me know what else you need and I’ll make it happen!
This video was very inspiring and helpful.
I’m so glad you feel that way! What was most helpful?
Brilliant. Thank you so much for this. This is life changing.
You're so welcome!
Thank You so much for this Video I am trying to help my wife with Guilt, we recently lost my mother which is her Mother in Law, she died from Complications due to the COVID, we had a Birthday party back in June for my wife and one of my Aunts that attended the party had COVID and gave it to my mother, and my mother ended up dying from complications 2 months later, now my wife has so much Guilt that if she would’ve never had or wanted the party in the first place my mother would’ve never had died. Please pray for us, I try and tell my wife that we could’ve never have known this outcome. Thank you 🙏
You are so right…there is no way either of you could have known. Guilt can be tricky. The hardest thing though can be letting go of guilt because as long as she can blame herself, she can be mad at herself. To give up the guilt would leave only pain….which she may not be ready for just yet.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you so much for listening.
Thank you for helping me understand that I can forgive myself.
You are so welcome
I lost my husband in July, I'm sad, but not feeling guilt this time.
I love all of your videos and find them helpful. This one spoke to me today in a useful way. Thank you!
You are so welcome! My next course starts October 2nd, 2023
You are right there is no control in grief
Feels like that doesn’t it! I try to find and focus the things we can control.
I want my partner SO badly... He died six months ago, and I feel worse now than I did then... I want to die... I’m wasting away; all I do is sleep, crying, sleep, crying - it never ends... It’s all my fault. I know I didn’t give him the Cancer, but maybe the fact I depended on him for everything did not help... I can’t think of any happy times, though we had them, and nice things we said to each other, though we said them; all I can see and hear, is when I said things to him I did not mean; I’m afraid I hurt him and I can’t retract anything... I want to smell him - and I can’t; I haven’t moved anything around the house; not even things he left on the Kitchen Counter! His sick bed is left just as he left it when the Paramedics came to take him to hospital and never come home for the last time... The indentation is till in the pillow where he lay... I feel by moving or changing, or getting rid of anything, even an empty packet he held or touched is getting rid of him somehow... I have no friends because I haven’t been able to go out for years; I have no family, and I have no neighbours - I NEVER see anyone. The only time I speak to anyone, it’s Charitable Organisations - and I call them, I receive no phone calls... Every Organisation I have contacted have let me down; they promise to call me and check up on me - but they never do... What does one do in a situation like that? The fact that nobody cares about me must mean I am to blame for everything... I’m crying now - I can’t stop, I cried all the time I watched your Video even though I listened. You’re a truly lovely lady, because it really sounded like you knew what you were talking about. (so many don’t) I wish I could have talked to you face to face, as this is destroying me... It’s affecting my health, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep because I have to wake up, yet I have to sleep, because I cannot face being awake... I feel I am slowly dying... I’ve lost others in my life like my wonderful parents etc., but it’s never been anything like this... I’m frightened of life without him; he took care of me - we were a same sex relationship, and I really believe people care far less - no matter how liberal we have become. I know somebody who got more help than she needed; yet she was healthy (unlike me) she could go out, drive had Carers to assist her (I never had any) everything you could imagine, I don’t begrudge her - but why and how did she get it? I got nothing, and that’s why I know I am to blame... I am getting what I deserve... I love him so much, but I can’t show him anymore.... Thank you for sharing your thoughts. xxx
Whoa! This is an unhealthy path you are going down. It’s time to stop what you are doing. and try something else. You being miserable or being upset at yourself or others will not help. Cancer is an awful thing that happens to so many and robs us of time with our loved ones. Focus on what you do have, not what you don’t and think will begin to shift, I promise. Find a way to move forward because you can’t stay where you are forever.
Thank you for this video. Your instructions really help.
Glad it was helpful!
My wife died in September 2021 some days I'm OK last couple of months it's hit me hard again like a tidal wave I'm guilt ridden the grief is unbearable so difficult wonder if I'll get by it I pray too God everyday and hope my wife is in a better place
You survived the first year, so give yourself credit for that. I personally believe your wife is somewhere better that we can’t explain yet. Let’s talk more about your guilt to help you let go of the pain of guilt. Will you please send me an e-mail at griefinspired@gmail.com and tell me more about your guilt?
Rumination is not stopping! 😞
Give it some time. It’s part of the process....it will end
I love this channel 🌈
I just found you, and I think you’re great!❤️🙏
Oh thank you!
thank u for these videos. they are so helpful. my mom died of heart failure.. she had chest pain two days before her death and she felt its due to acidity. i kept telling her to go to doctor. she didnt listen and took meds and felt better. she was fine the next day . but the day after she died. some people indirectly blame me for this and i myself feel terrible
I understand the pain you are experiencing. This type of scenario happens quite often. If your mom did not choose to go to the doctor, it’s not your fault. You were respecting her wishes, weren’t you? One other thought, do you know that if she had gone to the doctor, she still wouldn’t have died?
I’m recording a video tomorrow about how hard we are on ourselves! It’s expected and common, but not necessarily accurate. Love ❤️ to you.
@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty you are so right im really trying to gather myself and not put myself on guilt else my entire life will be in depression. i insisted a lot but cud not force her.even a lot of people around me put me at guilt. im so looking forward to your videos. the way you are helping those who grieve to deal with their pain is so so commendable. thank you for all your efforts . god bless u a million times
My step dad pass away this year january 6... I cant move on... The last memory I had with him is when I ask him if he is okey , he just smile to me and he said he is okey do not to worry, if I know that thats the last time Im gonna see him smile... The guilt I feel is so hard to handle. What if I stop him, every night I always dream about him... That he is alive.
czcams.com/play/PLRm-S8JFCOUXFCoLvy48eEnnM9gnHSDoR.html
Have you seen these three videos? They introduce EFT that can be very helpful!
czcams.com/play/PLRm-S8JFCOUXFCoLvy48eEnnM9gnHSDoR.html
Thanks so much Catherine. I needed to hear this, had a very painful time and a LOT of it was generated by the kind of mentality you talk about. Have a great day. Pete. xo
So honored to help! Grief is not easy. It takes building strength to make it through!
I used to feel guilty less often but since turning to Christ and church groups I have started to feel guilty more often. When driving away from Jesus I feel more confident but when returning to church, the guilt comes back. At church we bring it up sometimes and our group agreed that part of faith is to celebrate our guilt, because it keeps us clean and beneath Him. Encouraging guilt is be part of our Christian culture that we inherited. I would not be ashamed of guilt as it is part of being a good Christian, and those that are not guilty might not be forgiven and thus might not reach heaven. I myself often have guilty feelings of not enough faith in God but I use this guilt to ask for forgiveness so I can be saved. I don’t think we should try to overcome our guilt but recognise it as part of being a Christian, even if it is difficult to live with. Even if we feel worse with this guilt, it I better to have it and know that we are true Christians. It brings us down, but it brings us together. Together, and down. Amen.
Hi Noreen, Are you asking for advice or are you just sharing your experience? I have a personal opinion on this if you'd like me to share.
Thank you so, so much
You're welcome!
Unfortunately all this is unhelpful though very logical and does make sense.
What do you think would be helpful?
Catherine great powerful video as always. But I ruminate about the fights that Colin and I had they were verbal and physical, did these cause Colin's death, am I responsible for his death OMG if you could answer this I am listening! I like your hair again!
Thank you soooo muchhhhhfor this video!! 😭😭😭😭😭
You are welcome…..do you need to forgive yourself? You are not alone!
Your videos are so helpful.
Glad you think so!
Thank you
I'm struggling so much about this, however for the loss of my cat. I don't know if it's appropriate to comment here, I know some don''t understand the loss of pets. I've been more affected than the loss of people
For many of us, our pets are a big part of our lives and part of our families. Their loss can be quite significant! Comment on any of the videos you’d like to! I’m glad you are here!
I’m struggling because of my dog also. You are not alone
This is all very true.🙏💐🥀
Thank you so much
You're most welcome! It’s a process but you can do it!
My husband passed away 7 days ago. The guilt is surreal. Her had a major heart attack. I should have seen a sign. I should have heard him, if I acted faster..... he was my husband...I feel like I failed him when he needed me most
Oh no! Feeling guilty is normal but the reality is there may have been nothing you could have done. Be kind to yourself please....
@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty ❤ I'm trying but he's not here.
Ma'am, I'm really stuck with this grief. My pet cat died on Tuesday April 19, 2022. A month ago he is just fine until he got a cold or some respiratory problems and he is not eating. We brought him to the vet and the vet gave him medicines. Sunday before his death his appetite was coming back a bit because he was trying to eat the food but he can't eat it. Monday after that day, I noticed some trembles in his body and afternoon that day, I gave him dextrose because the vet says he needs it specially because he is not eating. Right after I gave him dextrose he is had seizures and idk what to do but gladly he did survive and we took him to the vet again, the vet said just continue giving him medicines. Tuesday afternoon a typical time of giving him medicine, I gave him medicine and just right after that he can't completely move then he eventually stopped breathing. I suspect that he got drowned after giving him medicine or his body can't take the medicine anymore, I can't stop blaming myself and I actually wanna suffer the same way he does and die. If I only didn't gave him that medicine he might have a chance of surviving.
I'm having a rollercoaster of emotions sometimes I feel like accepting it and sometimes I remember him and blame myself again. I have these thoughts of "I don't care if I die", "I wish I die and be with God" and "I wish I could have near death experience and have a conversation with God, the one who created my cat and the one who knows how he died".
For now, I pray that God would visit me in my dreams and clarify some things about my cat's death and even see my cat again but I also need your help.
Suicidal thoughts of any kind need to be addressed . Have you tried speaking with a therapist? It’s normal to feel guilt but there is no way to know if anything would be different if you hadn’t given the medicine, right?
Nearly a year ago I watched and I realized I was needing to place blame on someone for my boyfriend's death. I blamed me. He was an alcoholic, he had pre-existing medical conditions, he caught COVID. I helped enable his addiction. I bought him alcohol daily even tho I myself quit years ago. I blame me.
February 2021 I lost him. Since then I've been in a spiral. Some days I'm completely fine. Others.... I can't find a reason to exist.
Sounds like we need a plan. Your grief is about your life more than it is your death. Let’s explore and find purpose and the reason you need. Email me @ griefinspired@gmail.con
I am in derp seated pain since my husband died.i dont have a life anymore
Hi Mary Ann! You do have a life, your life….it just isn’t the one you wanted…let’s find you a path forward.
I'm at 21:40 but go in and out of the pain . Mom died 4 days ago.
Oh darling! Your pain is so raw and so knew. Give yourself grace just to be for now. Check out my new to grief playlist….know that everyone has elements of guilt and feels guilty….it is part of grief. And if you do feel guilty, is only because you loved her so much. I’m here when you need to talk. Just let me know!
I even can't explain now how much you are helping me in my grief... yesterday I lost my 90 years old mom in our home after 4 dark years... even though I gave her the best of my soul, I am feeling regrets about things that I could have done better. you are so kind and I want to thank you for your support.❤️🩹
You are so welcome! Give yourself grace! Think of all the things you did right by her (I’m sure they are many)
Grief is hard
Yes it is…but necessary as well. Grief = Love
You never get through it.It doesn't end.you don't get over it...7 years of this sh...so tired.so lost
I’d love to talk and see if I might be able to help if your open? If so email me at griefinspired@gmail.com
Is it okay if we can e-mail one another because I didn't tell you that there is a woman who is named Michelle Coy that claims that always has time for me to talk to me as a therapist because I lost mom those years ago, but I feel like she never has time for me to "vent", especially since there are residents living around me and I am angry since they smoke all the time and I am taking an online class, but not unsure if I will pass even though I am passing, I fear that the grade will go down as the months go by. During the week, starting with Monday afternoon, there are more residents coming to the house and with one of them, all I can do is hear her laugh mercilessly and she would never stop talking! I mean, such a motormouth!!!!!! She's so hard to ignore! Anyway, I hope that I can pass this last class and graduate. She doesn't even call me during each week. I don't know if she's really busy, but I really need someone who will talk to me and support me and give me ways of taking care of myself.
Can I use these words regarding a pet?
sure. The loss of a pet can be devastating as well.
I blamed myself for the death of my daugther...
My daugther Uolikcaj died last August 12, 2022 due to drowning and until this moment of time it seems that it just happened earlier. We went to a beach together with the relatives, just with a second that a lost my sight to her and after 1 hour of searching we saw under the surface of the water... I love her soo much...
I can't forgive myself of what happened...I think the only way to get out from this is to commit suicide...
It hurts my heart to hear you say this and it tells me how much pain you are in. If you are seriously considering suicide, I need you to call a suicide hotline immediately. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. After you have spoken to them, please contact me at griefinspired@gmail.com so I know that you are okay. You are not alone in this.
Would your daughter want you to kill yourself? If you do, then you would put that guilt on her..
I don't think it was your fault.
We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t know that forgiving ourselves is hard. I appreciate this video but please, keep it short. Too much unnecessary blah blah is a huge turn off. You could’ve covered all the important points in 10 minutes instead of 22.
Thank you for sharing….I see what you mean!