this breakup changed my life.

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  • čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
  • hey guyssss. i know i've been gone but girl... she has been hibernating and alot has happened and I feel like this video will help you understand me better. im finally gonna tell you the backstory about what happened cause I feel like itll give alot of context.
    find me everywhere else:
    ⇢ clothing line: www.alchemai.la
    ⇢ all social media: @maiphammy
    ⇢ business email: mai@select.co
    ❀FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
    ⇢ Q: how old are you? 21
    ⇢ Q: where do you live? NYC (originally from Alberta, Canada)
    ⇢ Q: what is your ethnicity? A: Vietnamese
    ❤️ current sub count: 3.32M
  • Jak na to + styl

Komentáře • 10K

  • @maiphammy
    @maiphammy  Před 3 měsíci +3363

    I promise you all this video will all make sense… I hope you understand me better. EDIT APRIL 2ND: WOW thank you for your comments ❤ thank you for all the love in the comments. will be trying to read them all today as well❤ thank u

    • @fauxtian
      @fauxtian Před 3 měsíci +42

      I cried when it came to the boy part, I felt that when u was 18, I was forced to grow up soon too. I mean that fact that I was able to relate so much. I'll text u on gram about the specific part which hit and made me 😭 I'm still listening hold up brb❤

    • @vanivanilli
      @vanivanilli Před 3 měsíci +13

      thank you mai❤️ you inspire all of us. you’re amazing🧙🏻

    • @CarolineEstelle
      @CarolineEstelle Před 3 měsíci +4

      I see you

    • @YourSunsetGirl
      @YourSunsetGirl Před 3 měsíci +8

      I feel you completely sister, I cried my eyes out with you😭

    • @lululemon492
      @lululemon492 Před 3 měsíci +4

      feel better soon mai he doesn't deserve you ❤

  • @dirtyshirleyheart
    @dirtyshirleyheart Před 3 měsíci +9554

    saying “I love being a girl” while crying
    I felt that.

    • @mostalpha222
      @mostalpha222 Před 3 měsíci +22

      🎀🎀

    • @karelynfuentes
      @karelynfuentes Před 3 měsíci +5

      I feel sorry for you!!!!!😮😮😮😮🥲🥲🥲🥲

    • @yasminh
      @yasminh Před 3 měsíci +20

      I read this comment before watching the video and was like yeah thats cute whatever and now im at that point in the video and I am crying. I havent cried over my first love since the few months around the breakup, but this video is so beautiful. it's also making me wonder if im about to start my period

    • @Faith_miteimasu
      @Faith_miteimasu Před 3 měsíci +4

      @@yasminh SAME BRO SAME 😭😭

    • @autumnreed2079
      @autumnreed2079 Před 3 měsíci +1

      Was exactly what i was going to comment!! We are all tied to each other

  • @sophielouisee26
    @sophielouisee26 Před 3 měsíci +6674

    i literally started crying when you said you didn't remember his laugh, it's so sad that we forget things and people and feelings that once were so important to us

    • @CarolineEstelle
      @CarolineEstelle Před 3 měsíci +75

      Made me think about when I started forgetting how someone very very close to me smiled and laughed + talked . So I looked back at some photos and videos

    • @miasalinas7127
      @miasalinas7127 Před 3 měsíci +51

      I’m starting to forgot more and more about people who I was really close with once and it’s sad because I wasn’t journaling during that time so I don’t have much to look back on. Taking pictures, texts, voicemails, writing letters or journal entries about someone your close with is special because you can go back when you start to forgot and you can everything remember again

    • @someone-mb3px
      @someone-mb3px Před 3 měsíci +5

      frrrr😭😭😭😭😭

    • @diyaindraj2806
      @diyaindraj2806 Před 3 měsíci +1

      Me too bro

    • @lalaloupsi
      @lalaloupsi Před 3 měsíci +4

      later on i realized that i dont remember his laugh either

  • @jennamarie3633
    @jennamarie3633 Před 2 měsíci +239

    if you’re reading this i love you,
    nothing is permanent and there’s beauty in that so allow yourself to grow unapologetically

  • @utayaguchi2305
    @utayaguchi2305 Před 2 měsíci +191

    i started bawling my eyes out when you read your old journal because i related to it so much. i always forget that we are all just humans. i love you mai, RICE BALL

  • @spookysally9
    @spookysally9 Před 3 měsíci +1507

    From a 34 yr old that's been married for 10 yrs and has 3 kids. I'll tell you these once you find your person non of your past break ups will matter. In fact your forget you even dated other people. Don't take breakups so hard they won't matter later in life

    • @sunsetfromvenus
      @sunsetfromvenus Před 3 měsíci +170

      From a 34 year old who hasn’t found my man and is still searching. Every man I’ve ever dated has influenced me greatly. I’ve learned so much from each of them, they have become a part of me. I would never forget any of the loves I’ve had. I’m grateful for each one and each break up has only made me a better person. It’s like I absorbed the best traits from them while releasing the worst ones from myself. We’re not all lucky to find “the one” early in life. But every love along the way is still worth it

    • @ChickenFerLei
      @ChickenFerLei Před 3 měsíci +29

      As a 32 year old woman who’s been with my man for almost 15 years, who did break up in high school for 2 years, I fell in love with someone else too. Or so I thought! Ended up getting back with my boyfriend from when we were kids after graduating high school. We’re still together and have a kid. All my other breakups have affected me and helped me grow in some way. I agree with both of these comments!! None of those other relationships even matter anymore. You will find that one person for you, trust me. Don’t be afraid to fall in love and let it happen. Or else you’ll never know what could’ve/would’ve happened! But your feelings are valid and break ups suck! Just know that you’ll get through this.❤

    • @Anon.7982
      @Anon.7982 Před 2 měsíci +11

      As a 42 year old woman married for 12 years with 3 kid's. I agree with what was commented. It will not matter later on in life. Before meeting my husband I spent from the age of 12 years old to 27 years old in a relationship with the same guy and when we parted ways, (was for the best) we both eventually found our spouses we married and had kid's with. Was it hard breaking up, "absolutely," but we were better off without each other. This too shall pass. God bless you beautiful! 🙏❤️

  • @maikhoitranness
    @maikhoitranness Před 2 měsíci +79

    The fact she wrote about how she hoped he is going to do well.
    She was feeling her age. So pure and innocence 💓

  • @pticato5349
    @pticato5349 Před 2 měsíci +55

    i don’t usually comment but mai this video is honestly the most impactful youtube video i’ve ever watched. you’ve been such an inspiration to me for the past couple years and have helped me accept and love myself, ESPECIALLY THE JOURNALING i fell in love with journaling again and it’s helped soooo much. thank you for being so real with us, we barely see it on the internet anymore LOVE YOU MAI 💗💗💗🧙‍♂️

  • @user-mt3lz3ql8e
    @user-mt3lz3ql8e Před 3 měsíci +634

    She’s crying filming, crying editing AND NOW IM CRYING WATCHING 😭

  • @jaycaprio8514
    @jaycaprio8514 Před 3 měsíci +496

    "You made me feel my age"
    Hit somewhere really deep.
    Love you Mai, I wish you all the best girl!.

  • @SoggyCig
    @SoggyCig Před 2 měsíci +20

    Seeing you go through so many journeys and obstacles and seeing you physically GLOW more and more is CRAZY. We are all witnessing your journey from self hate to self love in the span of multiple videos, years, days, weeks. You’re so raw , more people should watch you, know you, talk to you. You are a healer Mai. You have such a high amount of love and good energy. You are contagious and radiate such good vibes. You speak from the soul and just because it’s a video, us as viewers FEEL it Mai. Thank you once again. ❤

  • @han_phann
    @han_phann Před 2 měsíci +9

    this video resonated with me sooooooooooooo nmuch im actually crying. going through a breakup right now and hearing you read your thoughts is actually heartbreaking cause WHY DO WE FEEL THIS WAY.

  • @frejachristensen6859
    @frejachristensen6859 Před 3 měsíci +5289

    you know the video is going to be good when the thumbnail is a pic of mai crying

    • @fromconcreteart
      @fromconcreteart Před 3 měsíci +437

      that’s fucked up 😭

    • @Rina47429
      @Rina47429 Před 3 měsíci +55

      @@fromconcreteartwas ab to say

    • @Cmhrjkyg
      @Cmhrjkyg Před 3 měsíci +95

      Jesus died so that you could go to Heaven. He loves you . He would really like a relationship with you and for you to live for him. I recommend that you read the Bible♥️

    • @Cmhrjkyg
      @Cmhrjkyg Před 3 měsíci +31

      @@fromconcreteart Jesus died so that you could go to Heaven. He loves you . He would really like a relationship with you and for you to live for him. I recommend that you read the Bible♥️

    • @Cmhrjkyg
      @Cmhrjkyg Před 3 měsíci

      @@Rina47429 Jesus died so that you could go to Heaven. He loves you . He would really like a relationship with you and for you to live for him. I recommend that you read the Bible♥️✝️

  • @jayonai
    @jayonai Před 3 měsíci +973

    “i know that i wont love like that again” oh god mai the girl you are. you’re so real for this

    • @kyl0m0m
      @kyl0m0m Před 3 měsíci +10

      so dramatic but so real for the period she’s in. she’s so young and has so much more life to live

    • @kyl0m0m
      @kyl0m0m Před 3 měsíci +1

      @@jayonaiI didn’t finish the video just read the quote. Most likely commented without the context. Hope ur well

    • @benedicte8394
      @benedicte8394 Před 2 měsíci +1

      don’t forget to make the G capital 🤗

  • @karinahernandez4391
    @karinahernandez4391 Před 2 měsíci +12

    personally this was such good timing to hear, i’ve been journaling almost everyday just like you said. it genuinely heals so much inside of me, but it really inspired me to keep journaling even more. not only have i been journaling though, i’ve been working on trying to better understand myself and to know that i watched this video right while im going on this self improvement journey, im glad to know you are too. i’ve watched your videos for years now and this has genuinely been the video that has stuck out to me most. thank you for constantly looking out for your viewers, but just remember to not loose yourself along the way. love you mai❤️

  • @Ivy-li1fz
    @Ivy-li1fz Před měsícem +4

    This breakup was a maturity awakening, congrats

  • @AM-hz3vj
    @AM-hz3vj Před 2 měsíci +468

    “Are we changing….or is it that we are letting other people influence the way that we think we need to be” DAMN MAI

  • @duuuuuh5576
    @duuuuuh5576 Před 3 měsíci +875

    "Why do i care so much about what people think of me"? I felt that on a SPIRITUAL level!!

    • @ihearttierra
      @ihearttierra Před 3 měsíci +11

      u are self projecting. ur thinkin ur being judged by other people but in reality its all u. ur judging yourself…

    • @dinahgraham4964
      @dinahgraham4964 Před 3 měsíci +8

      You care because you think their opinion actually matters. In the grand scheme of thinks, it does not.

  • @Dosey121
    @Dosey121 Před 2 měsíci +2

    This was such a great video but also the growth is showing on you. watching you be so open and grow into your best version of you by experiencing real life highs AND lows and sharing it all is so amazing truly. It's so refreshingly honest and HUMAN. love it.

  • @wynnoo9626
    @wynnoo9626 Před 2 měsíci +4

    This video got me crying and reminiscing about my past high school crushes. They weren’t too severe but definitely altered how I think about commitment and my feelings. I’ve enjoyed this video :)

  • @ShelbysPerspective
    @ShelbysPerspective Před 3 měsíci +860

    “ I don’t remember his laugh” that hit something in me 😭. I hope you are much better now and I know how you feel.

    • @theozhang4385
      @theozhang4385 Před 3 měsíci +12

      Literally! I cried when Mia read that.

    • @danic5131
      @danic5131 Před 3 měsíci +3

      same i was bawling

    • @LifewDeeDee
      @LifewDeeDee Před 3 měsíci +4

      That’s where I started crying 😅

  • @spam.meisubi
    @spam.meisubi Před 3 měsíci +338

    "I felt my age with you," punched me right in the gut. So simple but so raw and so true. Something about the way you write is genuinely just so beautiful, Mai.

  • @acidbootycheeks
    @acidbootycheeks Před 3 měsíci +2296

    the guy you meet and fall in love with at 18 is a canon event

    • @savairashak12
      @savairashak12 Před 3 měsíci +20

      Literally, 4 days ago my boyfriend since 18 broke up with me 😂

    • @babyblue6960
      @babyblue6960 Před 2 měsíci +5

      mine was 22

    • @Under_Your_Bed_
      @Under_Your_Bed_ Před 2 měsíci +3

      The fact I'm 18 and think I might love him... I've known him since i was 14

    • @BBB-to4cc
      @BBB-to4cc Před 2 měsíci +7

      Bruh when I was in high school it was so cool to date older guys and my 17 year old friend dated a 28 year old, and at 18 I was with a 33 year old. So weird and fucked up. I’m 28 now and my husband just turned 33 lmao

    • @LunarAngel
      @LunarAngel Před 2 měsíci +2

      19 for me. Boy, was that life changing

  • @Celena.a
    @Celena.a Před 2 měsíci +4

    Rice ball! Hey Mai, you explaining your story really made me cry and feel for you. You’re such a strong woman, and you’ve gotten through so much. Keep pushing through! I love your content❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • @kim.jichuu2373
    @kim.jichuu2373 Před měsícem +2

    I love/need these types of videos because it makes me cry and let everything out and it makes me not feel alone when I’m having metal breakdowns so thank you so much for these videos it really helps a lot 💕

  • @evachryssou5383
    @evachryssou5383 Před 3 měsíci +378

    IM CRYING RN. THE AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS PUT INTO THIS VID LITERELLY VIBRATES OFF MY SCREEN. OMGGILYSM MAI YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.

    • @maiphammy
      @maiphammy  Před 3 měsíci +50

      Wait this is such a good way to describe it

    • @evachryssou5383
      @evachryssou5383 Před 3 měsíci +8

      AGH YOU REPLIED. ILY.@@maiphammy

  • @kaboink
    @kaboink Před 3 měsíci +314

    girl oh my god i am not the same person i was 45 minutes ago
    i clicked on this video feeling so lost in my life and omg. i straight up bawled with you. idk i just feel so cleansed.
    you have no idea how much you are worth. whether it's mai reading this or just some random person in the comments. you have no idea. you are so beautiful and kind and i love you so so much. thank you so much for the video... i'm bouta bust out my journal now LMAOO
    if you're reading this, i love you

    • @its_anukii
      @its_anukii Před 3 měsíci +4

      You said everything I wanted to say in this, we really are a community!!❤

    • @chxrry_x_x
      @chxrry_x_x Před měsícem

      SAME OH MY GOSH

  • @kendallsweeney1032
    @kendallsweeney1032 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Hi Mai!!! I wanted to say thank you for being so vulnerable. I cried watching this because it’s so relatable and genuine. I’ve literally never left a CZcams comment but girl to girl, thank you. This was so relatable and beautiful. Being able to love is so special, and it’s such a beautiful experience. I’m glad you can look back and learn from it. That’s what life is all about :) you are a HUMAN, and I love that you embrace it. It’s special to be able to connect with people through a screen like you do. I’m glad to have been following along on your journey for the past few years. Keep it up.

  • @emanema3000
    @emanema3000 Před 3 měsíci +191

    the "blank, thank you" hit me really hard, because ive only really looked at my past relationhip with anger and negativity and didn't want to think about the fact that they made me so happy and taught me so many things. because its difficult to be devastated when you're angry. it's difficult to understand that this person was really good for you and made you really happy when you're telling yourself that you hate them. even if they broke your heart into a million little pieces, you realize that that is how you grow as a person.

  • @anyalouisa
    @anyalouisa Před 2 měsíci +148

    “i love being a girl” through tears i was really not ready for that

  • @aashaalexander4677
    @aashaalexander4677 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I literally cried with you 😭this entire video was exactly what I needed to see and didn't even realize just how much. Thank you Mai. I will book that trip because I want to and give myself grace when It's needed 💜

  • @taliw7736
    @taliw7736 Před měsícem

    A writing and self aware queen!!!! thanks for sharing it is sooo special reading past experiences

  • @noheaguillermo
    @noheaguillermo Před 3 měsíci +295

    if you're reading this i love you.
    damn this video changed my perspective on things. i've kind of lost myself in the past few weeks cause i've been quite stressed. when you get stressed, you put pressure on yourself to be like others, then you start comparing yourself to others & blah blah blah. besides the point, listening to this was therapeutic & put me back into the right headspace.

  • @miagilfillan6956
    @miagilfillan6956 Před 3 měsíci +282

    I started crying when you were talking about forgetting about his laugh 😭 It reminds me of personal experiences and about the people that I’ve lost

    • @zoemataruka5476
      @zoemataruka5476 Před 3 měsíci +3

      Same I cried so hard low key and yeah I really relate to this when she said she forgot his laugh and how he taught her to read more , to journal

    • @zoemataruka5476
      @zoemataruka5476 Před 3 měsíci +3

      I cried so hard low key her words are so touching and relatable , about how he had to grow up fast and how she forgot his laugh (I'm literally cry rn ) and how he taught her to read more , I just love Mai and wish her nothing but the best and she has really changed my life and has taught me to look on the bright side of my situation , and fuck she inspired me to start journaling 2 years ago

    • @sujanas.
      @sujanas. Před 3 měsíci +3

      Same when she said I forgot his laugh literally instant tears

  • @Amaya1256
    @Amaya1256 Před 2 měsíci +1

    You're literally the most reliable person ever 😭 and a bit off topic but your hair and makeup looks so pretty here i really like the blonde fading into pink 🥰

  • @littlekitty210
    @littlekitty210 Před měsícem +2

    I don't know if you realize how raw and meaningful this video is and I hope you come back to it from time to time. The epiphanies you have here are monumental yet still fade as time passes and distractions take over. I really needed to hear the things you talked about, thank you. 💙 I had a similar post-heartbreak journey & made the same discoveries but its been awhile & I'm a little numb

    • @littlekitty210
      @littlekitty210 Před měsícem

      Also I love what you said about exploring our individuality and opinions. Feels like everyone on social media is just clones of each other, with carbon copied "personalities" and language trends. No wonder we all feel empty and dead inside! We've got to break free from the hive mind. Read books and journal straight from YOUR heart
      P.S. just got to the part where you said you want your video to make somebody FEEL something and you succeeded haha

  • @phoebesummers675
    @phoebesummers675 Před 3 měsíci +154

    this journal. the spiralling. the realisation. everything about it. is how my mind works. i need to do this to recognise my feelings and be aware of my emotions

  • @ghazal1084
    @ghazal1084 Před 2 měsíci +1

    when u said i love being a girl.. ahh my heart melted. its so rare to find moments where you truly love "being a girl" yk? and also when u said i dont rember feeling this many emotions gah! that hit. u reminded me that we gotta give ourselves more grace in the present moment.:) ily mai!!!

  • @LiyaElleKSco.
    @LiyaElleKSco. Před 29 dny +1

    Props to you for being so vulnerable

  • @TheDivaDigital
    @TheDivaDigital Před 3 měsíci +207

    Why is your life so novel worthy 😭 like i need a series

  • @MariamAhmed-mj5sj
    @MariamAhmed-mj5sj Před 2 měsíci +178

    are we all crying with mai? yes we are. we love you mai

  • @bunny-chann.3597
    @bunny-chann.3597 Před 2 měsíci

    Literally started crying while you were reading the journal 😭 like omggg I cried with you n everything girllll

  • @Random-mw9xd
    @Random-mw9xd Před 2 měsíci +2

    Honestly though, I’ve learnt so much from watching this video. Thank you.
    I was already having thoughts of over consuming content online, but this video just solidified to me that I need to look within more.
    Started a journal last yr but I’m gonna keep going w it and be more focused on my own life rather than others :)
    Thanks Mai for ur vulnerability. Videos like these from you give me so much value

  • @kirsty4415
    @kirsty4415 Před 3 měsíci +172

    Girl your writing made me SOB the way you worded everything literally sums up how I feel rn 😭

  • @xoxoeunoia3686
    @xoxoeunoia3686 Před 3 měsíci +210

    at first i was listening to this like a podcast while i was cleaning until you said "I grew up to quick" and that made me pause and look at the screen. Now I'm sitting here crying listening to you read. and I'm genuinely grateful that i kind of grew up with you

  • @radioheadgirl
    @radioheadgirl Před 2 měsíci +1

    i needed this thank u mai

  • @NiqyRenee
    @NiqyRenee Před 2 měsíci +1

    I "literally" (chuckles) love you Mai! 🥰❤️ Your style is so fly, grocery shopping & cooking is relaxing, your whole soul is just so dope and yes you're aesthetic asf girly! I love how natural and real you are ik it can be tough at times but thank you I appreciate you..Bless you always. ❤️🙏🏼

  • @tayliannachambers9386
    @tayliannachambers9386 Před 3 měsíci +224

    if you’re reading this I love you! I laughed and I cried & I started journaling bc LIFE is LIFING & i’m currently going through a breakup and having to start over with life (we moved in together) so this video was needed! I can’t wait to see where i’m at in the next year! 🫶🏽

    • @britney1257
      @britney1257 Před 3 měsíci +2

      Wishing you the best! Be kind to urself, feel your emotions. Time will heal❤️

    • @nariahmiles4115
      @nariahmiles4115 Před 3 měsíci

      Praying for blessing your way you are strong

    • @ndcINC
      @ndcINC Před 3 měsíci

      I am 3 years past this point and I promise you will grow more than you ever have in these next few years. For me it was super fun & freeing, then super depressing, and now i'm finally happy, content, and a much stronger human :) wishing you the best my friend

  • @saramoore3048
    @saramoore3048 Před 3 měsíci +252

    "Riceball" - dude all of this hit me so hard, I'm 17 right now and I'm in a crazy place, boys, school, etc.. this helped so much.

    • @emmacruz2195
      @emmacruz2195 Před 3 měsíci +4

      NAH FR LIKE right now im supposed to study just to get my grades for unis yet I'm feeling so lazy and I ain't focusing where I'm meant to be focusing at and I've just been having boys problem and crying over them too much recently that this just hits me so hard

    • @luisaromariz
      @luisaromariz Před 3 měsíci +1

      it will all be okay, very messy but youll sort it out

    • @Ghostface__x_
      @Ghostface__x_ Před 3 měsíci +5

      ​@@emmacruz2195girl focus on your grades who gaf about them boys them boys arent gonna graduate for you, honestly snap out of it, meanwhile theres kids wish they had the oppurntunities you did and your crying over some boys , babe you got alot of growing up to do, focus on yourself , someone will love and accept you for you i promise, im not tryna sound mean but plz atleast listen

    • @joritsegalee
      @joritsegalee Před měsícem

      Riceball

  • @aribarandhawa26
    @aribarandhawa26 Před 2 měsíci +1

    MAI I CRIED WATCHING THIS VIDEO... WHILE YOU WERE CRYING I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT... I needed this video soooo bad... You made me realise some important things. I'm really thankful to you! I loveeeeeeee you sm. You helped me take very important decisions.

  • @hannahw3083
    @hannahw3083 Před 3 měsíci +287

    "leave every interaction a net positive or neutral"
    i LOVE this line omg, i've always tried to live off this but could never relay it as eloquently

  • @bhardwajp1488
    @bhardwajp1488 Před 3 měsíci +221

    Mai was going through a lot and my dumb brain fr thought that she was in her "ghosting era" and ghosted us.
    Mai, if you are reading this, i love you.

  • @Itsshaylaphan
    @Itsshaylaphan Před 2 měsíci +2

    Riceball. This was everything I needed. I've been going through this exact same realization and it was so nice hearing you share. It made me feel SEEN. Thanks sis for sharing, I was crying along with you. That was crazy wow, thank you.

  • @An-Elfiii
    @An-Elfiii Před 2 měsíci

    you made me cry too and yes being a girl in today world it is a blessing, you are such a beautiful being and im not the much to comment or be a front subscriber but know I've been following you for more then a decade and the way i was able to see you and grow with you girl, im so proud of you to a point you have no idea yes if you are reading this i love you beautiful soul

  • @yash-ey8dz
    @yash-ey8dz Před 3 měsíci +228

    My trauma+your trauma=our trauma that we'll overcome togetherrrrrr

  • @kayleesbookjournal
    @kayleesbookjournal Před 3 měsíci +111

    This is one of the most beautiful raw videos i have ever seen. As a girl going through this right now i feel SEEN! You are such a beautiful person and deserve the best. You can write a book btw cause the way you write is HEARTBREAKING.

  • @twizzyski
    @twizzyski Před měsícem

    mai, when you started reading your old journal i related so much and it made me realize it’s still early enough for me to start journaling. it was so emotional.

  • @nehanishanp
    @nehanishanp Před 2 měsíci

    i love this so much the vulnerability it took to articulate and express through the feelings and emotions is so powerful. when i was in my late teens and early 20s i wasn’t this attuned to myself at all and i were to go back to my younger self who was chasing after the echo chamber of success i would tell her you’re doing enough girl you’re doing your best and i am truly grateful for all of you right now putting the most effort and work to not be afraid. i really love you guys as a whole who’re making changes and staying true to yourself while going after what you want and keep going guys i believe in all you and i genuinely look toward to you guys posting more of your journey ❤❤❤❤❤

  • @elbassmo147
    @elbassmo147 Před 3 měsíci +108

    25:32 This part is so beautiful, wouldn’t thought that i would cry but listening to your teen romance entries made me sob. “I felt my age with you” this was so 😭 i cannot explain how this video makes me feel, just seeing you in this different light and seeing you being full on vulnerable and show us your “little girl” side (sorry dont know how to describe it its bad i know) is just so heartwarming and i wish i could give you and your past self a hug 🫂. I cried with you 🤍 love you Mai

  • @mariaeduardav.s.4201
    @mariaeduardav.s.4201 Před 3 měsíci +115

    The re reading of old journals and crying and coming full circle is so real like I’ve gone there and it’s a canon moment

  • @star0moonie
    @star0moonie Před 2 měsíci +1

    This was THE video I needed to see. I am struggling with myself a lot, feeling lost and losing my best friend atm because I am realising we are starting to live our lives differently. So, this video was what I needed. Thank you for being so open and sharing your thoughts with us ❤
    If you are reading this, I love you ❤

  • @rachellepcha14
    @rachellepcha14 Před 2 měsíci

    I think this was so relatable to everyone’s first love. Thank you for sharing and yes I am crying with you. Much love Mai 💕✨

  • @honeykoya5900
    @honeykoya5900 Před 3 měsíci +109

    I love how Mai is the older sister we all needed in life.
    You are so incredible Mai.

  • @jonnajalvingh1856
    @jonnajalvingh1856 Před 3 měsíci +151

    I watched this video like 5 hours ago and i'm still thinking about how much this video affected me. Hearing about the journey you made, seeing you be real and show raw emotions on youtube really hit something in me. It was the advice you gave yourself was the exact advice i needed and i still sit here doing diffrent stuff and i find myself being reminded by everything that this video exists and its definetly one of the best ones youve ever made. Sure, i love the aesthetic home cleaning self care stuff too but this is just a diffrent side that i think we should have more on social media. You're one of my biggest role models and i wish you all the luck in the world. I love you mai❤

  • @KrischeylynGaleon2002
    @KrischeylynGaleon2002 Před 2 měsíci

    mai, you have been such a significant inspiration in my life since i was in high school. we’re only a year or 2 apart but i learn from you every video and i’m so proud and happy for you and your success. i can’t believe i’ve been subscribed for at least 4 years now but watching your growth, i can’t express enough how much you truly deserve all this greatness and i’m glad thru it all you’ve stayed true to yourself. you’re really one of my besties🤞💜

  • @cris84
    @cris84 Před 2 měsíci

    GIRLLLL you got me tearing up “i wont love like this again” i am on the floorrrrrr

  • @meliandiaz6930
    @meliandiaz6930 Před 3 měsíci +64

    “Omg I don’t remember the sound of his laugh” MADE ME START SOBBING AW THIS VIDEO WAS HONESTLY SO LIFE CHANGING. Mai you are such an amazing person I cantttt

  • @maisie6241
    @maisie6241 Před 3 měsíci +66

    Reading your journal literally had me bawling. I felt so seen. All those emotions are exactly how I feel right now. I love so deep and everything she said made so much sense to me. Thank you Mai 🤍

    • @laura-ol3tq
      @laura-ol3tq Před 3 měsíci +1

      Hope your doing okey. Jesus loves you❤

  • @Madison-ox2pu
    @Madison-ox2pu Před 2 měsíci

    I feel like she is teaching me personally, so much about myself and what to look for in life. I’ve never had an older sister or siblings in general, and I feel like she’s one of those people that fill that void that gap of not being able to ask questions to help me through rough times in life. Thank you Mia for being my inspiration

  • @luisabolado
    @luisabolado Před 2 měsíci

    ok but a moment to appreciate the editingggg??? it’s insanely good, with the sound effects and all, i had to rewing 3 times just in the first zoom out to the editing software… girlie mai out here with the full hd4k experience high qualitea

  • @saraelenaf
    @saraelenaf Před 3 měsíci +158

    first loves are gut wrenching, girls truly love their first love so deeply. Idk if men even scratch the surface of that love when the relationship ends. It's been almost 4 years since I left my first love, and not a day goes by where I don't think about him . . . .

    • @lillypeeper
      @lillypeeper Před 3 měsíci +11

      girl ikr i 100% agree with you. mine was a little problematic but i still think abt him almost every month

    • @anahilopez9195
      @anahilopez9195 Před 3 měsíci +2

      I always thought boys that grow into men not every man is show affection but their first sign of affection is from their mom and it’s unconditional and idk if it’s because how I grew up but I kinda had to earn my moms love by being a specific daughter or person but what I’m trying to get at hear is the love men receive from their mother is the standard and unconditional and if it’s beyond more than what they were given as a child I think they scratch the surface of first love or falling in love, but if it’s less I think they don’t really care. My assumption or opinion. None is facts !

  • @inesneto205
    @inesneto205 Před 3 měsíci +168

    girl I missed you. I was literally watching videos from 3 years ago. FINALLY MAI🙏

  • @ccrystall
    @ccrystall Před 2 měsíci +1

    rice ball!!
    you should do these more, this helped me expand my mind and look at things different as i am having a hard time feeling my emotions. thank you for being a great human being 🤍

  • @Anari2004
    @Anari2004 Před 2 měsíci

    Girl, don't worry I'm sure you'll find what you need in life just focus on bettering yourself right now ! You're so pretty and seem like a hardworking & generous person. Also, it is sad that we feel like we have to impress others when we shouldn't feel the need to do so

  • @BananaBreadBasket
    @BananaBreadBasket Před 2 měsíci

    I finally was able to make time to watch this. It’s been sitting in my watch now and I got time to process. This is awesome. The next several years, you’re going to stop caring at all about what other people think, discover your truest self and you are going to be amazing.

  • @kaitmarie3237
    @kaitmarie3237 Před 3 měsíci +44

    If you're reading this, I love you.
    Mai, I really think I needed this video. I needed it because I'm still in mourning of my own breakup that happened almost two years ago now and I'm still feeling it so hard. This video was a reminder that even though time has passed, the love can still be there. The heartbreak can still be felt even if you're not in the throes of it anymore. It can still shape the person that you are even if you're not the version of yourself you once were, and that's everything to me. You're truly such a strong and resilient person and I'm glad I found you when I did, because you've made my life better by just being yourself and offering your voice to the world. So thank you. Thank you.

  • @fae.exe.
    @fae.exe. Před 3 měsíci +69

    the fact that you share your story with absolute strangers just to help them is so courageous. mai, if you’re reading this, i love you.

  • @intothekpopmultiverse
    @intothekpopmultiverse Před 2 měsíci

    riceball and jfc thank you mai. I went through a heartbreak years ago and you finding your past self in your journals made me cry healthy tears. I don't think ill ever be over how much I loved my person, but this made me realise how much ive grown from that. thank u so much, mai youre amazing ❤ (omg I love what ur wearing if thats alchemai its going in my closet for suuure)

  • @meimelody_
    @meimelody_ Před 2 měsíci

    Hearing you talk about this stuff always makes me realize a lot and I could literally replay this all day long. I hope this will affect my life positively. I hope I will start being the best person I can, stop caring so much, start journaling, read, have hobbies EVERYTHING! You inspire me so much and I can’t be more grateful for this opportunity meeting you and the stuff that you shared to us

  • @kylidang
    @kylidang Před 3 měsíci +89

    “are we changing because that’s truly who we are or is it because we let other people influence the way that we think we need to be.” i felt that❤

  • @madisonmackenzie3341
    @madisonmackenzie3341 Před 3 měsíci +160

    Girl these full circle moments are gonna make me cry 🧙‍♂️

  • @chastityrecibe1060
    @chastityrecibe1060 Před 2 měsíci

    fresh from break up and i didn't cry but after hearing all Mai's thoughts in her journal, it was the exact things I've been thinking for the past few weeks. i love you mai u made me cry hahaha

  • @yuvecanmove
    @yuvecanmove Před 24 dny

    I love this type of videos you’ve done. I forget you are my biggest motivation and comfy person 🥺

  • @SHIVANGISINGHH
    @SHIVANGISINGHH Před 3 měsíci +82

    MAI HAS CHANGED MY LIFE, i started living alone because of mai, i brought my camera because of mai, i started my content creation journey because of mai, i hit 100k recently because of mai. She taught me alot ! thanks to your mother for bringing you on earth! you are an angel in my life. I used to cry ... when i started watching you, i had around 4k subscribers on youtube ! and you inspired me so much ! manifesting to meet you in any international creator event ! I LOVE YOU

    • @maiphammy
      @maiphammy  Před 3 měsíci +15

      I love you so much ❤

    • @Alyssaa948
      @Alyssaa948 Před 3 měsíci

      This is amazing!! New follower ✨💕

  • @xxclips8834
    @xxclips8834 Před 3 měsíci +64

    if youre reading this i love you
    Mai, I really needed this. I've been feeling so numb with life lately, and this video helped me find clarity in what I need to do to better myself.
    I, too, grew up fast, so hearing about your breakup and how it helped you find yourself really gives me hope that I can do the same. I haven't cried in a while, but this video opened the floodgates, haha! love you

  • @lindseynguyen7791
    @lindseynguyen7791 Před 2 měsíci

    bawling my eyes out w you mai. thank u for sharing, i love you 🤍

  • @SamanthaJadeTalabisVictoria

    riceball but this video is acc one of ur bests bc although i like ur daily vlogs, we got to see you very vulnerable. thanks so much for sharing ur stories mai!!

  • @kazuhaxiao1551
    @kazuhaxiao1551 Před 3 měsíci +139

    I seriously believe that mai should both write a book and continue the podcast bc tbh, the way mai speaks and writes are both equally sooo captivating, you're such an artistic person and the way you speak and write literally vibrates off the screen, I could listen to what you say for hours and I would read what you write non-stop. Your words feel like actions, it feels like pictures and emotions, not words. Idk I hope you get what I mean but I tried my best to describe it.
    You are loved unconditionally mai. You are your own soulmate. So love yourself ❤🫂

  • @kennedyd7499
    @kennedyd7499 Před 3 měsíci +88

    Not me crying with you while you read this 😭 as a 25 yo, looking back at old journals is so weirdly healing!❤️‍🩹

    • @AlohaNLight2All
      @AlohaNLight2All Před 3 měsíci

      45 Today.
      Was with my 1st love in my teens for years after h.s....
      This made me cry remembering that kind of love so long ago...
      This made me cry grateful for my lover now aka hubby.
      Beautiful Vlog. 💕🧘🏻‍♀️💕

  • @luisabolado
    @luisabolado Před 2 měsíci

    27:52 oh mai i’d never skip through you❤
    and yesss your content changed sooo much,, i started watching you in 2022 in nyc and girlie you’ve just gotten better and better in every way (i genuinely believe it, not just as a content creator, but as a person and all)
    also this video is making me question my whole life thank you (cus im entering an era of a lot of new beginnings based on BIG changes ive made so) thank u thank u thank u
    riceball… if you’re reading this, i love you.❤

  • @Sofi-iv3ct
    @Sofi-iv3ct Před 2 měsíci

    Riceball! gurl, you said what my heart was screaming out loud and i couldnt hear, thank you for making me feel better about who i am and what i do in life.

  • @bananabread5384
    @bananabread5384 Před 3 měsíci +973

    MAI I SwEAR IF ITS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE IMA BE MAD CUZ I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU GIRL.
    edit: it wasn't an April fools joke.. we love you mai stay strong well always support you and approve of you

  • @kazuhaxiao1551
    @kazuhaxiao1551 Před 3 měsíci +84

    This video was very emotional and all respect to mai for opening up, heartbreaks are truly something that will leave a scar on you, it will teach you things god wanted you to learn and after that, when the right time comes. It leaves.I love how sweet and artistic mai was writing about this boy, it seems like you really liked him. But don't worry girl people come and go and in the end the right person will come and stay there
    If something is not meant for you, there is nothing you can do to keep it. But if something is meant for you nothing anyone could do would take it away from you.
    You will continue to grow and shine like the star you are, don't worry about people. Everything starts from the inside.
    222

  • @angelavo21
    @angelavo21 Před 24 dny

    If you are reading this, I love you ❤
    Thank you Mai for posting this. June 21st marks 2 years since my breakup of my 5 year relationship with some on/off again moments here in the past 2 years of trying to reconcile things or be civil. Seeing your journey/journal has really helped me. Your body never forgets pain/trauma you been through. Today was that day for me. You shared a lot of things that hit home for me. An emotional wreck/feeling lost. This video made me cry and helped me heal more on my journey. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

  • @SheenaWesterlund-jh9lb

    You reading that journal and talking about how journaling changed your life and it changed my view point on journaling. Mai you are one of the most amazing people I’ve gotten to know ( struggling to word that right lol) and also I low key love videos like this I’d love to see more just sit down and rant about your life videos too. If they probably take a lot but they are enjoyable.

  • @dtvvhhf23
    @dtvvhhf23 Před 3 měsíci +53

    Mai,
    I literally started crying the same moment you started crying. You reading your journal entries about your breakup brought me back to my first breakup which happened in the beginning of 2022 while i was 18.
    The way u wrote about him, just literally i could feel your pain through mine.
    It warms my soul that I can relate to someone so deeply whos across the globe from me. Since then I’ve also done a lot of healing and self care, but I’m far from perfect. I’ve suddenly been struggling with that breakup recently, and you helped me feel less alone.
    If you’re reading this, I love you🩷 thank you Mai for sharing.

  • @emmelouhandal793
    @emmelouhandal793 Před 3 měsíci +66

    Mai is literally one of the most genuine humans seriously

  • @sashayy19
    @sashayy19 Před 2 měsíci

    i high key loved this long video of rant/thoughts thing. its like a facetime and made me feel good too like a little intimate girly talk situation! also - riceball xo

  • @elosiecalitz1019
    @elosiecalitz1019 Před 3 měsíci +133

    it so nice having a influencer being so real and show their viewers that their human too. its so sad how we dont get this often online anymore

  • @jessie-maewood7634
    @jessie-maewood7634 Před 3 měsíci +44

    When i tell you i dont think ive ever rummaged around my room for a notebook so fast in my life. Seeing how connected you were with your old self single-handedly made me want to start journaling and ive now written my first full entry. I love love love your videos and have watched them for YEARS genuinely so proud of how far you've come - oh and riceball

    • @maiphammy
      @maiphammy  Před 3 měsíci +8

      YESSSS!!!!! thank u for watching ❤