Coming Out to Your Parents as Nonbinary

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  • čas přidán 18. 09. 2015
  • Nonbinary public figures:
    lifeoutsidethebinary.com/post/...
    Articles about nonbinary people:
    lifeoutsidethebinary.com/tagge...
    Nonbinary resources for family members:
    lifeoutsidethebinary.com/family
    Coming Out Presentation:
    lifeoutsidethebinary.com/post/...
    My Twitter:
    / lanepatriquin
    My Instagram:
    / n3ut
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Komentáře • 278

  • @airohwalker2478
    @airohwalker2478 Před 7 lety +258

    I came out to my mother just over a year ago, and she ignored it for a while, then she struggled with it a little, and now she is really great! She once told me that she doesn't see me as a boy or a girl anymore, it was really nice. She is still having trouble with the name, but changing it at school really helped! The staff at my school have been really great too.

    • @beatlemaniac909
      @beatlemaniac909 Před 6 lety +6

      Airoh .W ... this really does give me hope for the future 😇😭

    • @addison3316
      @addison3316 Před 6 lety +3

      Thats amazing! Its awesome you're doing well now.

    • @fennikkthefurry1775
      @fennikkthefurry1775 Před 5 lety +3

      @@femmy2584 they are sharing an experience... no need to be like that.

    • @honeypot9867
      @honeypot9867 Před 5 lety +2

      Airoh Walker that amazing. I still haven't come out publicly. Doing that soon, send help

    • @darkinside2203
      @darkinside2203 Před 4 lety +2

      Happy for you ♥️

  • @zoecameron3798
    @zoecameron3798 Před 7 lety +245

    i want to come but im so scared to come out as non binary because
    1. my mum said about someone who was gay that was like 16 because he was to young but IM 11
    2. my dad called someone who was nonbinary a waste of time and useless and dumb
    3. my sister is against all people who has anything to with lgbt
    so im going to try to come out and ill tell how it goes. im also pan so dont know how im going to come out as that to.

    • @zoecameron3798
      @zoecameron3798 Před 7 lety +19

      im shaky writing this

    • @CircleATattoo
      @CircleATattoo  Před 7 lety +46

      good luck and be safe

    • @zoecameron3798
      @zoecameron3798 Před 7 lety +17

      Lane S thanks

    • @kimjong-un5562
      @kimjong-un5562 Před 7 lety +11

      zoe cameron
      First off don't come out
      Wait till you can become financially stable on you're own

    • @noraekholm5722
      @noraekholm5722 Před 7 lety +22

      zoe ass I'm pan and NB too! But i'm 13 and have a rather accepting family but i just Don't know how to bring it up and tell them. My parents have always told me they would support me even if I was gay or bi or anything like that but I don't know if they will support me as NB which kinda scares me :/

  • @airohwalker2478
    @airohwalker2478 Před 7 lety +116

    I came out to my dad last night by an email. He texted me today saying he was "processing everything". I am going to see him tomorrow and I'm kinda freaking out! This helped though

    • @airohwalker2478
      @airohwalker2478 Před 7 lety +23

      +TD Gaming actually my Dad responded really well. He is proud of me for my accomplishments as a person, and for being myself in a world were that can be really hard to do. He doesn't quite understand, but unlike you he is a good enough person to realize that you don't have to understand how someone feels to give them basic respect.

    • @Dreamflyrunaway
      @Dreamflyrunaway Před 7 lety +2

      I'm glad it turned out well :)

    • @Perirona
      @Perirona Před 3 lety

      Im 4 years late but i texted my mother and she wants to talk tn. She is supportive though

  • @tord_inc5956
    @tord_inc5956 Před 5 lety +11

    Ok who hates it when there is only two gender bathrooms so you have to wait to go home to use the restroom

  • @nasahess8347
    @nasahess8347 Před 4 lety +14

    I guess I am super lucky! I’m sorry for all of you who have unaccepting parents! My parents live by “whatever floats your boat” or “whatever makes you comfortable” so I will have no problem tomorrow when i come out :)

  • @Ren-lb9fo
    @Ren-lb9fo Před 7 lety +68

    I'm agender, and my parents, from what I've picked up, are supportive of LGBTQIA people. But the thing is, I have several younger brothers who would need a lot of explaining to understand what being NB means.

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety +8

      it probably wouldn’t matter, depending on how young they are. children pick up this stuff more easily & are way more accepting than people give credit for. try, if you have accepting parents then you know it’ll go okay, at worst not great. you can figure out a way to explain to your brothers- say you’re ‘a mix of boy and girl’ or even just ‘not a boy or a girl’ and explain what pronouns and name they need to use, and they can at least try.

  • @cheesypoof12
    @cheesypoof12 Před 8 lety +121

    I recently came out as nonbinary on Facebook, so as many as my family members as possible could see, and at first I thought that they were accepting. The next day, they acted like it never happened. They dead name me constantly, use the wrong pronouns, and it constantly makes me feel like crap. I want to correct them but I am too scared to do so. Is there anything that you could recommend that could maybe make correcting them a bit less nerve racking? Great video by the way!

    • @aliyahblidner
      @aliyahblidner Před 4 lety +7

      Oh, Worm? Try reminding them again or leaving clues around the house where they would notice them. I too am non binary and I am afraid of coming out because people will think I am copying my brother and also I don’t want people to deadname me but I hate my name so much I want to stab it with a flaming knife

    • @adamwinkel6657
      @adamwinkel6657 Před 4 lety

      My dad is that way 😒

    • @PGOuma
      @PGOuma Před rokem

      My family does the same thing and I wish I knew what to do

  • @logh3617
    @logh3617 Před 7 lety +35

    I came out to my mother as nonbinary when I told her I wanted to go by a different name and she asked why. She took t fairly well, then she basically forgot all about it, so I decided not to tell my father. (She still knows but refuses to acknowledge it) Then, another day she asked me to explain it again, so I did, and this was because I was feeling very dysphoric about my breasts and asked her about getting a binder. Then When I bought a pride flag she didn't remember anything I had told her so I had to come out again, because she made me. I wanted to o by my preferred name this school year and when I confronted her about it she need me to come out again because, she had forgotten, and since she has not once tried to use my preferred name or pronouns, I still have not even tried telling any other family members because I'm scared of what will happen.

    • @aylaholgate9623
      @aylaholgate9623 Před 5 lety +5

      Sending love and suport.💖💖💖 if she still doesn't respect your gender then either confront her o.o try having someone else ( an adult) help her accept you more. Just some suggestions. You do what ever you are comfortable with

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety +1

      i’m so sorry your coming out experience has gone like this so far. i can’t talk from experience but hopefully she comes around, maybe find resources to show her. if you can confront her about how she ignores/forgets about it and explain how every coming out process is painful and hard for you, and even more so when she ignores it. you could try coming out to another family member who might be more supporting (if you know any) or a friend or something and use them to help your mum come around? i wish you luck

    • @whitesandybeach7974
      @whitesandybeach7974 Před 2 lety

      I find myself in the exact situation you describe hahaha - i really hope everything worked out for you

  • @IdleGloomy
    @IdleGloomy Před 4 lety +9

    I came out as non-binary and agender last year to friends and family, as well as at my workplace. My friends and coworkers are doing really well with using my pronouns, but my folks are disregarding my pronouns and still like to call me things like “sweet girl” and all that. It’s a real bother, even though I expected it from my folks. I’m hoping they’ll come around.

  • @lightupheelies9716
    @lightupheelies9716 Před 6 lety +10

    I came out to my best friend as Nonbinary and it went amazing, she already knew my pronouns and starting using them the next day (and I teared up when I heard her using them lol) but coming out to my other best friend was a different story. I was already hesitant coming out to her because she constantly teases people who use pronouns other than he or she (attack helicopter and I identify as a shopping cart). She didn’t know what nonbinary was turns out, and I explained that I used they/them pronouns, and she got super angry. Whenever I was around she used “it” to describe me and so I dropped the friendship.

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety +1

      Lightupheelies congrats on the first friend going well! i’m so sorry about your other friend, but it must’ve taken a lot to drop the friendship so well done. i’m very lucky, pretty much all my friends are really accepting and when i came out to them they generally have started using the right pronouns. a few are struggling or havent face to face yet bc of school but i also have online friends who have called me what i want and it feels great, ik what u mean about tearing up lmao. my very best friend is super accepting and lovely but she hasn’t called me by my name yet lmao- in fact ever since i changed my name she’s called me by a nickname. she’s known me for 10 years so i think it’s a matter of getting used to it, i feel like she wants to be used to it before she starts using that. i never directly told her lmao but i’ve mentioned it on posts on social media that i know she’s seen, but she did use the right pronouns for me recently and that made me so happy! i know she’s accepting and i can talk to her about it but i find it incredibly hard to actually ask people to call me what i want

    • @PGOuma
      @PGOuma Před rokem +1

      I remember having a friend try the stupid helicopter joke after I came out to him and he said it was fine at first till that happened

  • @Sammy_Wammy_
    @Sammy_Wammy_ Před 3 lety +5

    I came out as Bi and my mom is still asking questions and I’m non-binary but I’m writing notes to explain it to her

  • @whattheflight1
    @whattheflight1 Před 3 lety +3

    My name is a non-binary name, so I don’t have to change it, anyway,
    My mom the other day had said “look if anyone’s in the LGBTQ community and isn’t hurting anyone, I’m fine with it” I’m planning to collect my emotions and come out very soon.

  • @overchill4465
    @overchill4465 Před 7 lety +63

    OK OK I HAVE A QUESTION/PROBLEM HEEELP
    I have been confused about my gender identity. I'm agender (I'm pretty sure b/c it fits me)) but I don't wanna come out because I don't want to stop being my family's little girl. help??

    • @jade-nl3cs
      @jade-nl3cs Před 7 lety +23

      Unless you are in a situation where coming out is going to be dangerous, you should not care if you are their "little girl" or not. If they really do love you, they won't care, and will respect your pronouns.

    • @awesomestuff1738
      @awesomestuff1738 Před 5 lety

      OverChill look between your legs dumbass

    • @abrikadabraika
      @abrikadabraika Před 5 lety +23

      @@awesomestuff1738 ur the dumbass

    • @wolfie2257
      @wolfie2257 Před 5 lety +18

      Awesome Stuff they are not speaking on their sex. Gender and sex are two different things. What you are referring to as “between your legs” has to do with sex and cisgender people. Gender is what you feel to be or what fits you. Sex is what your genitalia is and what you are assigned at birth. Please keep your rude comments to yourself next time. Have a nice day.

    • @GrilledCheese_Master
      @GrilledCheese_Master Před 5 lety +3

      You can be their little person or little attack helicopter

  • @sillylily352
    @sillylily352 Před 3 lety +5

    I'm so scared.. I'll do it one day.. thank you

  • @yourlocalemotrainwreck1415

    I've known that I'm nonbinary for almost a year now, I'm out to my friends and they're accepting, but I am so scared to come out to my parents because my dad is extremely transphobic and slightly homophobic. And with my mom, I'm scared she will be mad, and think that I'm saying that I'm nonbinary for attention. Right now there's a lot of drama in my family, so i feel like they'll think that I'm trying to make everything about me. But really I just want to stop being deadnamed and misgendered at home. My parents found out about me changing my name because my mom got into my email some how, where I have my chosen name, and she screamed at me because 'she didn't name me Kye' and whatever. I had told my dad about going by a different name and he said it was fine, but he still calls me by my deadname so that sucks. Idk what to do, because if i have to leave i have no where to go, and I'm scared that if I come out, i might not be safe anymore.

  • @alannaskye7441
    @alannaskye7441 Před 8 lety +30

    So this isn't exactly relevant, but I love your hair. Also, you are the first person, youtuber, online resource, anything, to actually make me feel better. Your videos make me feel like I could have a legitimate future being truthful with myself and my family. I'm not good at... I'm not the type of person to be open with myself, let alone other people, but if I ever find the guts to live that way...
    I just want you to know that your videos make it seem possible to me, so thanks.

  • @Dan_The_Dude
    @Dan_The_Dude Před 8 lety +22

    I know I need to come out to my family, but I'm also terrified to do so. I've made coming out my 'cause project' for family studies to help motivate me, and my teacher was very honest; she said something about how my parents will probably still love me, but they might say/act otherwise. I keep going through scenarios in my head, and I'm really scared, but I also can't stand living in the closet anymore.

  • @alexgarrett2742
    @alexgarrett2742 Před 5 lety +4

    I'm really nervous to come out as non binary to my dad. He was very supportive when I told him I was a lesbian, (I was born a girl) but when it comes to transgender people, non-binary people, genderfluid people, etc, he's just confused about how he feels about it. He thinks we're all stuck up and snotty about pronouns, and some people are, but that's not even half of us. Most people aren't snotty, we only get snotty if people know our pronouns and use the wrong ones on purpose to piss us off

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety +1

      you could try mentioning a trans friend or celebrity if you don’t have a friend? find some resources maybe and find a way to explain it. listen to all the points he makes against them and find something for every point maybe, and see if you know anyone who you’re sure would be supportive, try coming out to them and have them with you to help? i don’t know if this helps but i hope so!

  • @d3xb0x
    @d3xb0x Před 3 lety +4

    I came out to my mother as nonbinary in april and I kept getting deadnamed and she wouldn't use my pronouns when I politely asked her to, and today she got mad at me for trying to ask her to please use my new name and preferred pronouns and shes yelled at me about it and I really just want to feel valid and supported

  • @demijaymes
    @demijaymes Před 8 lety +16

    "Pflag archetype mom" lol that's definitely my mom! However, she's still learning a bit. My grandmother (who I live with) is basically a conservative Christian women who thought being queer or trans was a choice until very recently (her mother was the one who said something that changed her mind). My aunt and her boyfriend know. My uncle knows and he reacted VERY negatively (he told me I'm being "influenced" by social media and celebrities). I'm scared he might've told someone, even though he promised not to. I might come out to other family eventually, but they're very conservative and transphobic and I'm not sure if I want to yet. But this video is definitely helpful! Thanks Lane.

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety

      Demi Jaymes i wish you good luck and hope that your family find a way to accept you, your uncle too. you deserve to live out and proud with no shame:)

  • @kitsinclair9857
    @kitsinclair9857 Před 7 lety +2

    this was super helpful. my mom's entire problem is that - she loves trans people!!! and she even knows and understands what nonbinary is. but we've had very clear conversations where she's told me she'd feel upset over having a trans child or loved one for a few different reasons: she'd 1) feel like they're becoming something different, like a new person, something she doesn't recognize, and 2) she'd worry about how difficult being trans would make their life. (we also argue about the linguistic implications of new pronouns because I study linguistics and I think it's a useful way to drop hints - she at least admits singular they makes 100% sense. she's not fond of other ones.)
    so basically, I've decided on a few things - I won't worry myself with a timeline on coming out to her. I'll wear my binder, present as androgynously/masculinely as I want and just let her think what she wants and get used to it. and after I've identified as nb for a while - I'm going on almost a year now - I'll then tell her. and let her process it herself with the knowledge that I've been nb for a long time now, right under her nose, and see! nothing's different. I'm still me. I think that'll help everything.
    my siblings are another story but they're both young and I sincerely doubt they'll have a hard time with it, but coming out to anyone about anything gives me major anxiety so it'll probably be a while for that too haha.
    it's funny - I've identified as nb for so long now I almost forget my family doesn't know, but it helps that I'm off at college in a pretty liberal environment.
    anyways, thanks for the lovely video.

  • @Nhouah
    @Nhouah Před 8 lety +41

    I needed so much that video ! Thank you :)

  • @hannahchurchward6203
    @hannahchurchward6203 Před 5 lety +5

    I am Pansexual, Asexual and Non-Binary.
    I came out to my friends and the still call be female.
    My family have no idea

    • @not-happy._.but-not-sad5484
      @not-happy._.but-not-sad5484 Před 4 lety

      Hannah Churchward umm... asexual means you don’t date anyone but pansexual means your attracted to anyone so you can’t really be both idk I’m not to educated on it so maybe you can be but please tell me

    • @KieranTheFox
      @KieranTheFox Před 4 lety +1

      @@not-happy._.but-not-sad5484 asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction, pansexual means your attracted to all genders. I'm pretty sure they ment they were panromantic, which is having a romantic attraction to all genders, but also asexual so having no sexual attraction to anyone. You were thinking about aromatic, which is having no romantic attraction to anyone. Hope I helped! ❤

  • @quinnlanvos2979
    @quinnlanvos2979 Před 4 lety +3

    watching this while coming out to my friend as NB. she's like a parent to me. the one I've never had. thank you.

  • @confused_shark2537
    @confused_shark2537 Před 3 lety +3

    I'm young (almost 10) and I know my parents aren't going to take me seriously. I've known I was non-binary since I was 8, and my parents aren't really active in the LGBTQ+ community. They're both cisgender and straight. I've told my friends, but they don't understand that much and think I'm just going through a phase. My aunt is homophobic and transphobic, so that doesn't help much either. I've been giving small hints (telling them the name Levi, which is the name I want to go by, is technically unisex, telling them that there are actually 3 genders, etc.)
    I don't know how much I can take of being called my legal name and people (especially my own parents) using the wrong pronouns. Could you please give me some advice? I want to come out on my 10th birthday, which is in a few days.

    • @batz_jbl
      @batz_jbl Před 3 lety +1

      I would just wait at least a couple years at least but know that your feelings are valid no matter age and there will always be people that care about you

  • @keepitsimple1260
    @keepitsimple1260 Před 7 lety +18

    I know coming out to my friends will be easy. But my family-that's a whole new story. I don't know if they would be ok with it or not. I know there ok with gays, but this could get complicated. My dad would be weirded out and say I'm just going through a phase, and my mom would-actually I'm not sure. But I'm gonna wait till I'm like 15 to tell my family. As of my friends, I'm telling them after winter break.

    • @goose7649
      @goose7649 Před 7 lety +2

      KeepItSimple me too, I'm currently 12 but I'm coming out to my friends one by one. My family is gonna be hard and I think I'm probably gonna leave it a bit till I know myself a bit better

    • @alisonb9264
      @alisonb9264 Před 4 lety

      good luck! i’m non binary too and ive come out to most of my close friends. i came out to three recently who i knew would be accepting, it’s just terrifying ofc. i plan on coming out to my other friends at the beginning of my summer break next year and family is another matter lmao

  • @becomingme6500
    @becomingme6500 Před 7 lety +2

    I don't think i will ever be able to come out because my whole family is transphobic. It makes me so sad that I'll never be able to be myself with them.

  • @UncreativeCJ
    @UncreativeCJ Před 3 lety +3

    I won't ever be able to confront my parents about this

    • @itsokaysdude7404
      @itsokaysdude7404 Před 3 lety +1

      Same so... what I'm gonna do is the plan is when schools open I walk home by myself I will take my phone out and call them,

  • @SemiColon81
    @SemiColon81 Před 8 lety +24

    Hey, could you please make a video about the changes you go through on low dose T? With pictures and vids from early on? If it's okay for you to share them. There aren't many people on low dose T making videos!

  • @meow-rp5bz
    @meow-rp5bz Před 3 lety +3

    my grandma is literally forcing me to come out and im really mad about it. im not ready.

  • @cama1689
    @cama1689 Před 6 lety +12

    I don’t feel happy being female or male so I think I am NB but I am scared to tell my mum how can I come out without confrontation? I have told one of my friends and I don’t know if i should have because i am still unsure about my gender. I would like to get a sports bra so that I can ‘bind’ without it being noticed but I am still nervous about how they will react. One of my fears is for people to think bad of me so I try not to provoke it. What should I do?

  • @jeankincheloe5018
    @jeankincheloe5018 Před 4 lety +7

    It's pretty unfortunate timing that I am realizing and coming to terms with the whole non binary thing and we're all stuck in quarantine :/. Being non binary is so weird my dudes. I know some people don't like labels and I respect that ya know, but I'm just very glad I have a word to put to this aHhh. Ya know? And it's helpful in CZcams searches lol.
    I can't wait till I come back in a few months (or years?) and comment on my own comment saying I'm fine now and everything good. Welp see you guys then, hopefully.

  • @dreem6644
    @dreem6644 Před 4 lety +1

    I started by cutting my hair much shorter, and my parents do not know. My parents are extremely transphobic and non-binaryphobic. My parents don't believe that non binary is a real thing, and I'm so scared.

  • @sunnygacha9408
    @sunnygacha9408 Před 4 lety +5

    Texted my dad and he said "child, stop"

    • @not-happy._.but-not-sad5484
      @not-happy._.but-not-sad5484 Před 4 lety +3

      s u n n y g a c h a ok sorry but that’s kinda funny no offence just the way he put it, my dad would beat my ass if I came out probably

    • @kaineel8804
      @kaineel8804 Před 3 lety

      That sucks I'm always here to help. Just email me at ironmanace.182@gmail.com😀

  • @batz_jbl
    @batz_jbl Před 3 lety +3

    Mom: would be super accepting
    Dad: I dunno
    Brother 1: would bully and hate me so much
    Brother 2: would probably get used to it after a while.
    My school would probably not let me use a different name and people would be awful.
    Note: I live between two separate houses between parents. Any advice? I feel lost

  • @sethdavis4042
    @sethdavis4042 Před 4 lety +2

    You made me feel so much better about telling my mom im really scared she will reject me like my dad did.

  • @kumikoo00
    @kumikoo00 Před 8 lety +12

    you describe the parental reaction very well and where they're coming from and the different possibilities and how it evolves. think it's very helpfull. thanks. take care x

  • @t0b.i.
    @t0b.i. Před 3 lety +2

    I’ve tried to make it obvious to my parents by legit making my own little flags outta paper- but NoO they don’t take notice of them-
    And I’m extremely scared of coming out as both Non - Binary and Pansexual-

  • @SketchPaige
    @SketchPaige Před 4 lety +1

    I'm planning to come out in a week. I wanted to wait for pride month, but I don't want to keep these feelings bottled up. I just need a few days to prepare first

  • @genericcucumber6327
    @genericcucumber6327 Před 6 lety +2

    This video really helped me understand how and why my parents will react a certain way. And I want to tell my parents but I am struggling mentally with a lot of things and am going through a lot of stress, but I really want them to know the pronouns I prefer. I am also terrified to tell my mother because when I told her I was an atheist, she yelled at me and told me I wasn't. I really don't want that to happen with this too.

  • @the_queer_forest_fairy5170

    Im 12 and nonbianary/demiboy im also omnisexual I use he/they pronouns and my name is jax I am assigned female at birth and I want to come out

  • @SketchPaige
    @SketchPaige Před 4 lety +2

    I’m coming out this week. Wish me luck!

  • @Normanm19
    @Normanm19 Před 3 lety +2

    I’m trying to figure out how to come out to my Hispanic parents. I’m not sure if they’ll understand what it means

  • @phoenixflame2103
    @phoenixflame2103 Před 5 lety +1

    Today I came out as non binary to my friend who is bisexual and she was very supportive...she’s the first I’ve told and I’m scared to tell my parents...Im not very close to my mom so telling her something like this might make her try to change my mind. She isn’t that supportive of the lgbtq community so I’m scared to tell her...

  • @Windowlicker545
    @Windowlicker545 Před 3 lety +3

    guys im trying to find a way to suprise my parents and tell them im nonbinary how should i do it. I hope theyll be proud of me for being myself

  • @pagenein
    @pagenein Před 3 lety +2

    thank you SO MUCH for making this video, i know it's old now but it honestly did really help to calm me down haha

  • @justhereforentertainmentte2304

    Well i already came out to my parents as lesbian but now im finding out i dont feel comfortable labeled as a girl but bot doent suit me so non binary ANYWAY thanks this video did help

  • @ellisp4609
    @ellisp4609 Před 6 lety +1

    Thank you so much for not only sharing your story and advice but also linking to all those resources!

  • @Sunny-gy3jv
    @Sunny-gy3jv Před 4 lety +3

    A goodt way to get your parents to use your new name is just not responding to your dead name

  • @user-he5pb1eg1y
    @user-he5pb1eg1y Před 4 lety +1

    me actively working on my pros and cons list.

  • @demoniclilcinnamonroll6664

    Someone help me! I'm a closeted nb and omnisexual and the half of my family I live with are homophobic and transphobic and I'm struggling with my gender dysphoria and telling them. I'm he/they but prefer they/them. And all the she/her's that get thrown at me hurt a ton. I've even had to make sure that my teachers and guidance counselors stick to last names and avoid pronouns when they talk to my dad. IDK WHAT TO DO!!!

    • @notebookbro
      @notebookbro Před 2 lety

      I really feel you. I'm a nb person who goes by any pronouns, also questioning my sexuality. Being called feminine terms and exclusively only she/her feels like hell everyday. I know for a fact that my mother and grandmother are transphobic, most likely homophobic too. I don't know about my dad. My brother and my friends are the only people in the whole world who know. It's painful to be closeted; it feels like you're living a lie and constantly having to suppress your true self is hard. But when you know it's not safe to come out, then don't. It's your choice. It's not an obligation and you don't owe anyone anything. Once you feel that you are truly ready, then go you! I'll support you throughout. For now, I suggest coming out to people who you know are safe to come out to, and talk about this with someone who you can trust when it all becomes too much to handle. If you really wanna come out, then here are some tips :
      • Think about what to say and learn answers to FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) prior. You can write it down if you'd like. By FAQ I mean questions like, "it's probably just a phase!", "but you were born a girl, so you are a girl!" etc. Come up with answers to them beforehand so you don't panic or appear hesitant when the person asks questions like that.
      • Be patient. The other person may need time to process it or so, since they may not have experience with things like that. If they get your pronouns wrong the first few times make sure to correct them. But if its one too many times, even though they should've been used to it by then, call them out on it. Reminder that whatever they may think does not matter as you are valid always and forever no matter what anyone else thinks.
      • Give them advice. Try to tell them what you're comfortable with and not comfortable with, like maybe you don't like certain gendered words, or some pronouns, etc. Tell them ways to support or help you.
      • And last but not least, make sure things are in your own terms! People have no say in who or what you should be, or anything like that so keep the situation to your liking. Come out when you feel safe to do so, and not because of peer pressure or negative thoughts, alright? You got this! I don't know you, but what I do know is that you are valid and loved. Keep your head up and stay determined ♡!

  • @ugly_max4927
    @ugly_max4927 Před 2 lety +2

    I recently came out to my friends as non binary and they fully supported me but I'm very scared to tell my mom bc when I told her I was pan she said it's just a phase so I'm a little scared about it

  • @syler7697
    @syler7697 Před 4 lety +4

    Hey! Since I was little I felt that i'm non binary even if I did not know what it was called what I felt at the time. I feel like I'm not "enough" to be non-binary. So my question is : can we dress like girls but being non binary ? I'm so confused pls help me. I can't identify only like a female or only like a male because i don't feel that this is what i am....

  • @anzy424
    @anzy424 Před 8 lety +2

    Awesome video!!! ^ ^ Also it is amazing that you talk that one should have some emergency plan prepared in case this person thinks their parents won't take the news very well. It is something I have not heard of in other videos and I believe it is very important to say it as it will help a lot of people. So, thank you so much :))

  • @annon6416
    @annon6416 Před 5 lety +6

    Well i am 12 (well not yet but who cares 😒) and at the end of the 2018-2019 class i came out as bisexual! Well i have been figuring out everything taking time to find who i am as a person its now almost the start of the 2019-2020 year and i figured out im pan, and non-binary. For all my parents know im just bi. They respect me and are ok with it but feel like im to young to understand that. And i want to come out its just that when your told are you sure your 10 right after coming out it hurts and i dont want to feel that again. It put me in a dark place for a while, i dont know…

    • @aylaholgate9623
      @aylaholgate9623 Před 5 lety +2

      I am 12 too. I am NB and pan as well. I am most likely wait until I am 13 or 14 or even 15 to come out to my family because I am in a good place right now. I am going to try to come out as NB to my friend who knows I am pan and is bi. Sending love and suport. 💖💖💖

  • @ClockchimeFox
    @ClockchimeFox Před 8 lety +6

    Thank you so much for making this video! It's very reassuring :)

  • @pebblespark9812
    @pebblespark9812 Před 4 lety +1

    Can I just send the one link that ends with /family to my mother and hope she puts 2&2 together? I'm planning to coming out as soon as June is over, and if I'm too nervous then, whenever Quarintine over I'll do it. I almost came out today, but decided against it because she'd probably want some time alone, and that's not really an option during quarintine. I want to come out before school starts up again so she can maybe do something about getting staff to call me by Emerson, or at least Em and use they/them pronouns, and i also want to get a binder before school. I'm fine with just wearing a sports bra or two, but I want to have a binder for school, since I'm going to a new school next year & so if I come out before, people won't really have to "adjust", but I'm afraid 12 is too young for anyone to think I have real dysphoria & that my non-binary self is really non-binary.
    Also I'm late, I see.

  • @reddrawslive
    @reddrawslive Před 3 lety +4

    I already came out to my mom as fluid, but now I KNOW I’m nb. I’m gonna talk to her about it in 5 minutes. Wish me luck! 💛🤍💜🖤
    Edit: SHE ACCEPTED!!! We cried a bit but she said its gonnna take a while to call me Red/Ash but she said she'll try her best! Then she told me about her boyfriend😐

  • @SydtheKyd
    @SydtheKyd Před 7 lety +3

    Such a valuable resource! Thanks for making this.

  • @rileyblackwood7611
    @rileyblackwood7611 Před 7 lety +1

    Thank you so much for these resources. This will be super helpful when coming out to my parents!

  • @danikahuff7298
    @danikahuff7298 Před 5 lety +1

    i asked my parents if they knows what non binary meant. i explained it to them. then i asked them what they would do if they had misgendered a non binary person. my mother said that she would never speak to that person ever again because all of them are idiots. i felt shattered. now i have no idea how i’ll tell them.

  • @wren5926
    @wren5926 Před 4 lety +1

    This video was the most comforting thing. Thank you so so much for the advice and for giving us assurance

  • @thexlittlexbit
    @thexlittlexbit Před 8 lety +6

    I love your videos, I find them so helpful!

  • @K.E.19
    @K.E.19 Před 2 lety +1

    Thank you so much for this resource! Your website really helped me make a presentation for my dad

  • @theviewfromthesummit
    @theviewfromthesummit Před 4 lety +1

    I don't think im going to come out because when i came out as pansexual, they said that they don't believe it exists and they would refuse to use they/them pronouns on my future partner's and my mom said it was "taking the whole transgender thing too far" so I'm just eternally closeted and it sucks because I won't be 18 for a while

    • @ghost1057
      @ghost1057 Před 4 lety

      I really do hope things get better for you I kinda in the same situation as you. I hope that you will be accepted by them one day, but don't worry about not being valid because you are and so many people will tell you so.

  • @Axel_0tl
    @Axel_0tl Před 4 lety +4

    I'm really damn scared to come out as nb cause my mom is kind of trans phobic but she doesnt realize it but my dad would probably take it well but I'm trying to come up with a new name before I come out
    Edit : I came up with a new name with the help of some close friends and its ash/Ashton but I kinda of am kind of also thinking bee just cause its cool

    • @Scenicetheythem
      @Scenicetheythem Před 3 lety +1

      I really love the named Bee, try whatever feels right for you tho, there's no deadline for coming out💞💞

    • @Axel_0tl
      @Axel_0tl Před 3 lety

      @@Scenicetheythem yeah thank you 💕💕

  • @FFigueira
    @FFigueira Před 7 lety +8

    I've been questioning my gender for years and I'm almost fairly certain i'm nonbinary (maybe i just dont feel there yet because i'm not out and really expressing my identity)
    i'm also panace and i dont feel the need to come out about who i'm attracted to, but i feel it with my gender because, even though i'm ok with my name and pronouns (there arent neutral pronouns in my language so i dont care that much), i do want to have some body modifications, like breast reduction/removal and maybe low T (though I'm still questioning that one)
    but i've literally had to explain to my mom what trans people were and she wasnt even really interested in hearing, and though my dad knows there are people like that and dont mind i never feel a space to talk about lgbt in general with them (theres also my sister and thats a whole another problem that i had to deal with like she doesnt understand why trans women dont call themselves trans guys because apparently to her that would make more sense gramatically ??)
    everytime i try to talk something about lgbt i feel so nervous because i'm kind of afraid of outing myself? and im not sure if they know im in any way lgbt? like its very suspicious how much i know of the matter, so it never comes up and even the idea of trying to explain what nonbinary gender means feels very unnerving...

  • @aurora_something
    @aurora_something Před 8 lety +7

    OMG you have a lisp! Someone like meeee! I love this video too btw

  • @yaboimarc3818
    @yaboimarc3818 Před 3 lety +1

    I identify as non binary but my mom doesn't know im scared to tell her

  • @rainphaneuf9545
    @rainphaneuf9545 Před 8 lety +2

    This was so incredibly helpful :) Thank you so much

  • @micahguillemette3344
    @micahguillemette3344 Před 5 lety +1

    Thank you so much! This didn't help me completely but it was still a great help!

  • @grayy5841
    @grayy5841 Před 4 lety

    I cant not come out cuz my mom picks me up from school so... She'll see if I start wearing a binder

  • @blueoblivionx
    @blueoblivionx Před 8 lety +2

    Thank you! This was very helpful for me.

  • @mizarego
    @mizarego Před 5 lety

    I came out to my mom and step-dad and got rather negative responses. My mom said "People like you will be the end of this world", meanwhile my step-dad said there is no such thing as non-binary and that "I am a girl" which especially hurt. The bad thing with my mom is she still sees me as her "little girl", we are going to a weeding in about a week and my mom wants me to wear a dress with trousers under it, I explained to her that wearing trousers is not the point and won't help, the point is that I am *not* comfortable in dresses, skirts and such. When I mentioned I'd rather go in a male suit even near my auntie they both argued that I would look like a bin bag and should get a female suit, female and me, I hate when these two meet, they only can meet if refering to my loving girlfriend. I don't care that I will look like a bin bag, I already see myself looking like trash so it will pair up well. With my auntie on my mom's side I have nobody to help me anymore, as the other members of my family are in Poland or Germany, meanwhile I'm stuck in UK with the relatives that are on my mom's side, I could try my uncle but I don't know if it will work either. What can I do?

    • @dizzleydiz
      @dizzleydiz Před 4 lety

      Vixienity Those were really hurtful things for them to say to you. I’m so sorry that was the response you got from your family. I know this comment is like 7 months late, but I just made this vid today. Maybe it makes sense to someone
      czcams.com/video/WMMXM1ZZu6c/video.html

  • @cosplayanimeandbts4805

    I just love the into, Hay stranger 😂 😂

  • @amandaharrison1328
    @amandaharrison1328 Před 7 lety +2

    did you have disphoria before coming out?

  • @meldoesntwanttotellyouthei7012

    My grandparents on one side are extreme trump supporters and on the other side they’re extremely religious. I’m really scared to come out to them.

  • @lukannna
    @lukannna Před 3 lety +1

    It makes me so sad that even in a developed country where I live (central Europe) is being non-binary and overall lgbtq+ still big tabu. Like- there are so many people who don’t know what even bisexual is and are like twenty eight??? Though younger generations are better. If I wasn’t trans, my parents wouldn’t have idea. (Thought I’m not sure if they actually “believe” that we exist according to that they haven’t even once used my pronouns or my name and are talking to me like I’m crazy or smth lol)

  • @thischannelisabandonedyeah6644

    The only problem is because I changed my name to Arson 😃

  • @-wandering_soul-8778
    @-wandering_soul-8778 Před 4 lety

    I have a problem where my mum
    asks me why I don't want to be a girl/boy and how to do say that I just don't want to???? There's no reason to why, I just don't want to so what do I doooo??

  • @andrewshy4831
    @andrewshy4831 Před 3 lety +1

    I might tell my parents i am non-binary.

  • @ozuux9186
    @ozuux9186 Před 3 lety +2

    i really want to come out to my parents, because i want them to start using my new name. im fairly young though (13), and even tho they support lgbtq and trans people, i dont know their opinions on the nb community and things, so i dont know how i would introduce the idea of enbys to them, anyone have any advice..?

  • @margomacdadam8900
    @margomacdadam8900 Před 7 lety +1

    I want to take a low dose of T and I want to come out but it's going to make me really upset trying to talk about it.

  • @ramennoodle6302
    @ramennoodle6302 Před 6 lety

    They don’t know it exists. At least, I don’t think they do.

  • @andrewshy4831
    @andrewshy4831 Před 3 lety +1

    preach preach. stay well!

  • @freyac4772
    @freyac4772 Před 3 lety +1

    the homophobes and transphobes🤮🤢
    ooh to see *without* my eyes

  • @cyberred233
    @cyberred233 Před 3 lety +1

    i asked my mon for short hair and she said no, it was boy hair. keep in mind im nonbinary

  • @arloryan3281
    @arloryan3281 Před 4 lety +1

    I want to come out but I know I wouldn't be excepted. My older brothers trans and I have to younger brothers my mom said "All I wanted was a girly girl" when my older brother came out so now I'm afraid to because she thinks that I'm her only "girl" it's annoying. Any suggestions

    • @batz_jbl
      @batz_jbl Před 3 lety

      This sounds pretty crappy but it’s probably best to wait until you are in a situation where you would be able to move out of necessary

  • @sophasourasyeet6046
    @sophasourasyeet6046 Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you

  • @thatlonelypersonhaha6621
    @thatlonelypersonhaha6621 Před 3 lety +1

    my mom is kinda transphobic, im thinking of coming out to her as nb because im tired of being misgendered by her

  • @yakim653
    @yakim653 Před 5 lety

    I hope I don't freak you out, but I am capturing a picture of you so I can make that haircut lol

  • @Embra0fficial
    @Embra0fficial Před 4 lety

    I dont know how to come out as non binary and bi my father is homophobic and my mom looks down on it. Im 16 help!!

  • @sorrowcosplay4142
    @sorrowcosplay4142 Před 3 lety +1

    My mum just said "😂😂😂"

  • @satiricwriter
    @satiricwriter Před 4 lety

    I have a body of a female but inside i feel genderless but if i told anybody, my family would think it doesnt exist. (My sister mainly believes in binaries.)
    Im still trying to figure myself out at the moment but all my life i said im female but in my head im neither. Im also one with mild aspergers syndrome which adds to the fact i dont like skirts, jewlery, makeup nor behave as a femine being as my peers did in college.

  • @user-ib5hn1ud8e
    @user-ib5hn1ud8e Před rokem

    i dont know if ill get a response since this video is 7 years old, however..
    im 19, and ive somewhat come out as NB and they/them to only my mom after years of hiding myself from fear. her response was that “id always be her little girl” which completely destroyed me.
    i really want to properly come out and have her know that im 100% serious, alongside the rest of my family. im just so scared because when i try bringing it up, im so afraid that i just start crying and cant speak.
    im thinking of writing down what im feeling and what i want to do (use they/them pronouns, name change, etc) and once it is done have her read it with me there for any questions of course. that way its not fully confrontational and i can get my message across without crying immediately while trying to explain it. do you think that would be a good way to do it???
    thankyou so much for the advice

  • @diamonddude9585
    @diamonddude9585 Před 2 lety

    I really want to but I am worried they won't support me even though they really nice people.

  • @web6432
    @web6432 Před 3 lety +1

    Is there a vid on how to come out to jehova witness family members?

  • @matejvancura701
    @matejvancura701 Před 9 měsíci

    Thanks, this helped!

  • @heh.heh.5841
    @heh.heh.5841 Před 3 lety +1

    Hi, I'm really late so I'm not really expecting a reply, but I'm 12 years old and I want to tell my parents that I'm non binary. But my parents, from how they talk about gay people, seem to be against LGBT. I've already come out to my twin sister, who's really accepting, but I'm scared for what will happen with my mom and dad. Also, do I have to change my name if I'm non binary, or is it optional?

    • @Scenicetheythem
      @Scenicetheythem Před 3 lety +1

      1. Come out to your parents when you're ready and when you feel *100%/completely* safe
      2. Don't worry honey you don't need to change your name it's completely optional.

  • @bec3581
    @bec3581 Před 6 lety

    I just called my mom and told her. I feel so great but awful.... Is this normal?

    • @wolfieblackheart4185
      @wolfieblackheart4185 Před 6 lety +1

      Creepypasta Fanatic Rebecca the mix of emotions is normal, you gave your mom life changing news and I'm sure she feels the same as you about your admittance of being yourself so if she is someone who hides their negative feelings it may take her a while to digest and process it all. You haven't done anything wrong your just expressing yourself to her honestly, I myself am still closeted and I know from trying to come out about my sexuality that my dad is going to be resistant if I eventually drop the NB bomb to him. I'm sure your mom will be totally fine, most women are more accepting of lgbt than men are so it's just the time for it to sink in may be longer than if you were to say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend (I know they're totally different but it's a comparison of acceptance).