To Meet THE ONE, Is God Saying "Just Wait" or "Be Active" to You?
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 03. 2024
- Is God telling you to "just wait" to meet the one? Or is God saying you should do something more active to meet the one? Here are 4 biblical pointers to help you answer this important question.
Here's a scholarship to AGW University for the first 10 people: agwuniversity.teachable.com/p...
(COURSES and EMAIL COACHING) AGW University: Relationship Training for Christian Singles: agwuniversity.teachable.com/p...
MY BOOKS AND BIBLE STUDIES
(My New Book) Christ-Centered Dating: Pursuing a Relationship that Glorifies God: amzn.to/3j3XzyU (Available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook)
100 Relationship Signs: How to Know What God Is Saying to You in Singleness and Dating: amzn.to/2RIm02U
The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage: amzn.to/2HIbuXa
The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: amzn.to/2OuIL8Q
Intertwined: Our Happiness Is Tied to God’s Glory: amzn.to/3kP7epZ
Redeemed Like David: How to Overcome Sexual Temptation: amzn.to/3vwctBT
Never Quit: A 5 Week Small Group Bible Study on the Power of Prayer: amzn.to/2UZP7PX
Basic Transformation: A Small Group Bible Study on the Basics of Christianity and Transformation: amzn.to/2WtsRyg
FREE EBOOKS
FREE eBook: 10 Powerful Tips to Prepare You for a Successful Christian Dating Relationship applygodsword.com/10-powerful-...
FREE eBook: The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: applygodsword.com/christian-si...
CONTACT INFORMATION AND SOCIAL MEDIA
Instagram: / markballengeragw
Email: markballenger@applyGodsword.com
Please note: Sadly, due to the large amount of emails I receive, I am unable to respond to everyone. I’m so sorry about that! I truly wish I could! The shorter your email is to me, the more likely I will be able to respond. Thank you so much for understanding!
In Christ and with love,
-Mark
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” -Ephesians 3:20-21
For the first 10 people, here is a scholarship for AGW University: agwuniversity.teachable.com/p/total-access?coupon_code=AGWSCHOLARSHIP10
God bless!
-Mark
The underlying tone is that if you’re putting finding someone over finding God first and always, you are already not in the correct state of mind. Why would God give anyone to you if you aren’t making him a priority first and proving to him that he will always come first, forever? Most people say this but aren’t being truthful. I will be the first to admit. God Bless
Amen, God won't bless us with an idol. But he does desire to bless us with good things, like a spouse. So we do need to get into that place in our hearts where a marriage would be good for us. Not saying all people are single because of idolatry, but it is one factor to consider :) God bless!
AGREE. And we need to be okay with being alone for a bit to heal in between relationships! Not just go from one to another relationship. That feels wrong and against God's want, because you need love in your HEALED heart for that partner. ♥️
@@simplypositivemeHow do you evaluate when your heart is healed, sister?
@@KevvoLightswift To know you’re healing or are healed…. You don’t wish ill will against your Ex. You’re able to take rejection knowing, it’s not you but them. You don’t feel the need for validation from others, because you already know you’re worthy!
You hit the nail on the head. Exactly!!!!
Lately, I've felt like God didn't wat me to online date because I was trying to make it happen instead of letting God make it happen for me if it's His will. None of my online dating experiences have ever panned the way I'd hoped. Although my most recent ex wasn't from an online dating experience, it didn't work out & I decided to really strengthen my relationship with God & let Him lead me wherever I'm supposed to go & be found by the right person. I feel like God will let my path cross with the right person in the right time.
Wow, these exact words could be written by myself! ✨🙏
I still wonder, though, if I should make a profile on this christian page, to maybe be found, not for myself to be looking and chasing after someone... I still haven't decided what to do.
I do also feel that God will let my husband's and my own path cross, in His timing ❣️ That's a kind of an extraordinary and relatively new thought for me, because I have always tried to find my husband I'm my own strength, and never made it 😅 Which I am very thankful of now 🙏
I can relate to both of you guys. I've had bad online dating experiences before, too, instead of waiting on God's timing. And after the last bad experience, I found this challenge called how to pray for your future husband, and it changed my life. I waited for months on end, and whenever I feel like giving up, I turned to God, and I listened to him. At one point, he told me to put myself out there. I tried putting myself out there, and I'm not giving up. I'm currently active in my church community, and so far, I haven't met any guys that are my age yet, but I'm holding onto hope and prayer. I thank God for my future husband every nigth and day, and I pray for him without ceasing. Thanks for reading my story and God Bless!
Yeah the same thing happened to me with online dating. I had many bad experiences and nothing good came out of it. I feel like maybe me going online was me telling God that I was gonna get control over my situation, because a very long time passed where I was single. And tbh i waited for such a long time that I got so frustrated and my friends convinced me that there was no other way for me since I dont really go out and I'm not approached in person. But online dating brought me such heartache and disappointment that at some point I wished I never went online and never even tried to go out with these type of men. Stay strong sister. I dont know how but God will make a way
I agree. My most recent ex I matched with on hinge. I swore I was going to marry that girl, but God had other plans. Now, online dating has been a disaster. I’ve been having the same feelings in regard to letting God do his thing. Isaiah 60:22
From my own experience and what I have seen around me is, that when you meet someone or get in a relationship without putting God first, the relationship turns out to suck the energy "out of your Soul". And it takes time to recover from that. Time that you could have use to develop a deeper relationship with God and listen more to his voice instead of your own lonings. Than again, every situation we go through, God can use that for our good...IF WE PUT HIM FIRST!❤
I could totally relate to your words on how a relationship without God sucks the energy out of one’s soul. It’s so true. I thank God for being faithful, His mercy and grace - that even when I didn’t put Him first, He still used the situations for my good 🥺
Well said!
I've started praying that God would position me to be found by my husband, knowing that it will require me to listen to the Spirit and take action through obedience.
Amen!
I was just talking to my mom yesterday about how it feels like, over the last year or so, I don’t have as much of an issue with social anxiety as I did in the past. I’m always up for new experiences and to go out. My mom says that it could be because God needed me to be more active (literally 🤣) in order for my future husband to find me. Mom said “because you were never going to found in your house”😂
I feel this on a personal level 😂
I wish you the best in whatever God has in store for you. 💕
Lol..my mom says the same thing to me.
Thank you so much for making it clear that passivity is not the solution. I trust God’s sovereignty to bring the one and in the same breath I actively choose to faithfully move towards availing myself to potentials out there.
I’ve recently been blessed with an opportunity to express my interest in a relationship with someone. It didn’t pan out into a relationship but I walked away with three blessings:
1. Close and deep relationship with God through prayer.
2. Relief to rather know the truth and not ponder on what if’s.
3. God is faithful in that there are still really good ones out there that are respectful, kind and honest. That is such a relief from the falsehood of “all the good guys are taken” 😅
From my understanding, serve the Lord and in your serving you never know who God will bring into your life. Apply the word of God to your life with the guidelines he gave to us, test the spirit to know whether it is from God, acknowledge God in all of your ways and pray, and watch for the fruits that he or she brings forth, and the Lord will reveal who each and every person is in your life. Amen 🙂
Yes, and sometimes you need to specifically inspect a relationship opportunity in a direct way :) God bless!
"Serve the Lord and in your serving you never know who God will bring into your life". I was told that 25 years ago when I was starting out in Christian adulthood and I pretty much signed up for every Avenue of Christian service that was available to me.
Whilst God has brought a good number of lovely godly Christian ladies into my life in that time, none of them have turned out to be The One.
@RJSRdg Good morning. What are some of the reasons why you believe that the women whom God brought weren't the ones for you?. If you believe the Lord brought them, then they were from God already, could it be that at that time in your life, you weren't ready to recieve the one God brought to you?
@@jeanstoudemire9178They ain’t attractive, 😅.
I’m so tired of being lonely and single I don’t even care much about life or what happens anymore. I know you should find happiness in yourself but I’m tired of being the only one in the family that doesn’t have their own family. Heck even my nieces and nephews are all married and having kids
Waiting on God doesn’t mean doing nothing nor does it mean taking matters into your own hands. It means we don’t go outside of Him to resolve issues. Get busy operating in your purpose and God will present your person. As God reveals them, act by stepping out on faith to actively pursue for marriage. God will show you the purpose He has for your union.
I always pray that when God shows me an opportunity, I promise to take action even if it takes me a while to work up the courage. This is a good topic because I've been "waiting" for the longest time and not really actually being active. But recently, I saw someone I was interested in a church. After a long time, I finally approached her! She was very nice, but nothing is certain yet. I hope and pray to see her again at church. Even if no relationship will come out of it, I think it'll be a win either way because maybe God is letting me practice being active. I was honestly really scared to talk to her and chickened out so many times before. But I finally prayed and did it! I'm happy just because I did that.
This is such a cute comment. I’m proud of you! I respect how much it must take for men to be the pursuers at times, I imagine it can easily be scary knowing you may get flat out rejected. Which rejection isn’t always a bad thing lol. I will be praying for you brother that God blessed you with a wonderful woman and that in the meantime He will prepare you and grow you to be the best husband you can be to honor Him and your wife someday.
I’ve done both with great success, but God was clearly involved both times.
What exactly does "Christ is all you need" even mean in this context?
Christ is who we need in terms of salvation and we should follow His commandments. But one of those commandments is to love each other like He loved us.
That's honestly what frustrates me the most about this whole thing right now. Every time I hear someone say that it frustrates me because it's clear God doesn't want us to just want Him. He doesn't want us to put anybody over Him, but He definitely doesn't want us to isolate ourselves either.
Anywho, I don't know where I seem to fall on this spectrum. I'm going to church, volunteering with pre-schoolers, going to all these different Bible studies and places where Christians gather, including a singles group, but I just can't seem to find a prospective woman. I don't know if I'm going to the wrong places, if I'm doing enough or if I'm just not meant to be in a relationship and I *hate* not knowing. Add that with the constant temptation to sexually sin and I'm feeling like I'm going crazy.
Some days I wish God would straight up tell me I'm meant to be single so I can move on from the whole thing and focus on Him and what He wants me to do. But I want a family of my own too. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I agree with your perspective that God wants us to want him above all, but in a secondary way he's made us to also need/want other relationships too! Stay faithful. God can be trusted even when we don't have all the answers. When you are trying to obey him and you are not actively running in sin and use your life for his glory, he won't let you miss his will
I understand you very well. My thoughts too.
Maybe your constant temptation to sin sexually needs to be fully addressed and surrendered to God. You will be leading your future wife, and protecting her. I know I want my husband to be a man who is strong and not bound by his flesh. It would make me feel a little concerned if I knew my man was constantly struggling with wanting to sin sexually. Not trying to be offensive to you by any means!! Just saying as a woman who desires a godly husband I’ve prayed specifically that He was not a mean who wrestled with his flesh. I get it we are all tempted, but when our eyes are truly fixed on Christ and we seek to please Him more than ourselves I feel that we will not constantly be tempted by any sin. I pray for healing for you and for you to see more of Gods faithfulness and trust in Him and His plan for your life. God may be using this time to prune you. God bless you!!
Where do you live?
@@rachelsharp7495
I thank you for your comment. And no offense taken. I want to be the kind of man you described. A leader and protector. I wanna die for my future wife if I have to.
God bless.
OMG your wife and children must be so lucky to have you😢🎉
Thank you for sharing your videos. I have to be transparent. I am starting to wither inside. I’ve been single pretty much my whole life. I have faith, and truly understand that God can only truly bless me in this region. Every time I see someone as a blessing they reject me for other women. I’ve done the online dating for 14+ years, and each time I have faith, the man just disposes me. I have turned 40 now. I prayed every day for God’s hand in my life. I always wanted a relationship that would Glorify God. To give faith to others that God does unite. I’ve been alone this whole time and trying to work thru via therapy the loss and grieving of being childless and not being a wife to a Christian man. I prayed everyday day for almost 16 years. This has been heavy on my soul.
If everyone is waiting, no one is doing anything. Thanks for another great video.
I have been waiting for almost 10 years and praying for God to send me my husband. Whenever I was just waiting I saw no progress and Noone ever approached me in person. So I took matters into my own hands and created an online profile. Over the course of 2 years I met a few guys who I liked and tried to get to know and eventually I started to develop emotions and bond with them. However it didn't work with any of them and with most of them it ended in a very bad and painful way. Now I am older and closer to 30. I am single and if u say I'm happily single and content about it, I would be lying. However at this point I have been so heartbroken and realized that if there is no man of God for me then I prefer to be single then to be with a man who doesn't follow Jesus. Sometimes it gets tough and I return to online dating. But I don't think anything good can come out of it cause it always ends up bad. My work is pretty much isolated and I rarely meet new people. If God wants me to be single forever I really hope i find the strength to do it.
Go where the men are, sister. Online dating is mostly trash. Go out and meet people. You’ll likely have to get out of your comfort zone, but connecting with people in real life is much better than online.
@@KevvoLightswiftas someone in her same position-this is easy to say to “just find men in person” but extremely difficult to accomplish.
@@rosemalone27 Why? What makes it so difficult?
@@rosemalone27 yes I agree with you I find it very very hard to meet men in person
@KevvoLightswift well I guess it is difficult because I work pretty much 8 hours a day. My friend group consists of mostly females and a couple guys who don't have anyone to introduce me too according to them. Most of my free time consists of cleaning and doing house chores. My hobbies don't allow me to meet new people as they are isolated. The most social thing I do it go to the gym a couple times a week. But no man approached me there unless it's a trainer to give me some advice. I dont really go to bars and I find clubs inappropriate. I dont drink. I dont go to concerts. People at my church are all old and barely any men my age and almost Noone single.
Thank you so much.
I read the book of Ruth again yesterday. It was really helpful to realize that Naomi and Ruth saw the greatness of God through what only He could do - and even with that, they needed to overcome fear and act with faith. ❤
When I asked God about one guy I enjoy being with, the Lord told me to be blameless (Ephesians 1.4). So I thought I needed to be quiet. But it's not what is written! Ruth, for example, was a virtous and blameless woman - and she acted when necessary.
Amen! There's a time for being quiet and there's a time for speaking!
@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger
It turns out that the guy had a secret commitment with a thirteen year old girl. He's 25.
Once he held hands with me while I was sitting next to her....I had no idea. The next day I woke up so, so sad, and didn't know why.
God told me to be blameless because he wasn't....
Well said, sir. Thanks for your advice. I've heard something similar: you have plenty of time to let God do the work, but be purposeful in your pursuit.
I used to have the passive philosophy and I used to think it was wrong for me to go out and look for a wife. I stopped believing this 6 months ago after believing it for 6 years.
God bless you too Mark :)
Thank you for following up with this post. Not gonna lie, I had to laugh when I saw it considering my question xD
AMEN BROTHER MARK. Love your biblical videos.
You building up my confidence I’m going after what I want ya feel me
So true so wise✨🙏
Thanks for posting! ❤
🌈🌟🕊️☀️🌻ThankYou!!!!!!!
Most of the time these videos come at the right time in the season of needing them, I'm so grateful and thankful for them💞
I totally agree iv always pray that he put me in the position and don’t let me miss the timing let me focus on him and live in obedience until it’s time
im tired to seek for the open door, however too many rejections and many years of prayers i feel very lost at this point =(
Stay in the light . Be positive everyday get moving every day every week smile look up
Friend, the door to Jesus is always open. We may face many rejections in this life but God always welcomes you. Many prayers are wonderful but have you considered that those rejections were God's answers? Perhaps he is wanting to speak to you about a specific topic but if your perspective is only focused on marriage/relationships, you could be missing what God is trying to tell you. Abide in his love for you first, and receive his peace that surpasses all understanding. I know it must be tough. God knows it all the more. I will be praying for you.
Powerful video full of true wisdom and nature spiritual discernment
Wait till God gives you the go!
Amen!
Good topic 👍👍
This is so true. I have just been waiting for 2 decades , it ain't happening nothing. I regret . Now I am waiting and doing my part.
@@suzymoon2067 Thankyou very much Suzy. JESUS Bless you and your family. . Nice to meet you .
That's some really sound teaching. Thanks Mark. I have learned to take a balanced approach but have also been told not to try and make something happen. I like to refer back to Abigail and David. I remember Abigail was the first to show interest but it was up to David to respond and come back for her once her husband had died in battle. Not to say that's the formula for everyone but it more breaks away from this one-sided idea. Of course it is nice to be pursued but there is still a degree of action needed from the woman
This was so helpful! Thank you 🙏🏾
Glad it was helpful!
But how active is too active? Because sometimes it starts to look like you're being desperate. Also, some people have actively searched or put themselves out there but are still yet to find that godly spouse. So technically you could be doing your part or not doing anything and still end up with nothing. This is honestly confusing.🙄
yes, there is no formula, which is why you have to really walk with God in this.
Very true
Thank you!
Thanks mark this answered y prayer ❤
You are so welcome! All glory to God!
This must be the best video you have ever done. Great stuff!
So glad you found it useful! All glory to God!
👼MARCH 9, 2024👼
“REST IN MY RADIANT PRESENCE. The world around you seems to spin faster and faster, til everything is a blur. Yet there is a cushion of calm at the center of your life, where you live in union with Me. Return to this soothing Center as often as you can, for this is where you are energized: filled with My Love, Joy, and Peace. The world is a needy place; do not go there for sustenance. Instead, come to Me. Learn to depend on Me alone, and your weakness will become saturated with My Power. When you find your completeness in Me, you can help other people without using them to meet your own needs. Live in the Light of My Presence, and your light will shine brightly into the lives of others.”
(JESUS CALLING)
I was living my life and my fiancée came to me. The ONLY way it happened was God’s will.
The second piece to this puzzle is what do you do when you are out in a social setting and you cross paths with someone who seems interesting. What do you do then to get them to notice you or move things to a conversation that leads to exchanging numbers?
Excellent video as I really needed this one and didn’t understand the approach at all as emphasized in point 1
Glad it was helpful! all glory to God!
I don’t know. It’s like looking for a job. You have to apply for jobs. You can’t just sit there and wait.. now of course you can pray and commune with God and ask him to help bless you find a job, but you have to pursue and find a job. Isn’t dating really the same thing?
EXACTLY AND GOD WILL BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER AS HE SEES FIT ALL SITUATIONS WILL NOT WORK OUT ACCORDING TO MAN'S OPINIONS. DO WHAT THE LORD TELLS YOU TO DO. AND DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN PEOPLE'S FORMULA'S
I've made to many bad choices where men are concerned, I am leavig the right choice to God to pick the right man for me as He is the only one who knows who is the best and right one for me.
Thank you, Lord, for your choice.
I pray God guides my words as I speak to him on the phone because I get anxious sometimes and feel more detached talking on the phone to my bf
Amen!
These are great videos. My wife went to heaven after 25 great years of marriage never thought I would be starting over again, but this is great information. Wait upon the Lord but also stay active keep moving and walk with him.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. God bless as you follow the Lord forward into his will for you!
Thanks! I am love your videos as they are God centered as I will be ready to start looking for a friendship with marriage as the goal. Would love to get your information about writing an online profile. Still not sure of that but continuing to pray. God Bless you Mark. @@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger
I heard that, and dus not wait. I looked.
Watch out for 'Magical Thinking'. God will open doors, yet you have to walk thru it.
Roll the dice, it's not in scripture but sometimes you need to try. I don't regret failing, I regret when I didn't try hard enough.
In many cases, the only thing worse than trying and failing is failing to try. It's easier to look back knowing you tried!
@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger Agreed. I may have looked ridiculous to myself at the time, but in some cases I have answers instead of questions.
Yes, step out of the boat.
Timely
I feel like End Times are close. Does anyone else feel that????
yes
I guess that depends on your interpretation of Revelation, sister. :)
Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾
God bless!
Let’s not tear down ministries that may have been orchestrated by God 💖
I'm almost 47 and haven't had any leanings or words from God. I try to stay open and social, but there isn't a lot going on in my age group that reflect my lifestyle or budget. 😑
Hi Mark, are there specific churches in the US with sound doctrine that you would recommend?
Project video?
Would it be easier to accept it may or may not happen (completely randomized or free will)? This seems like the hardest task in life, finding a career is easier than this. I have a hard time finding God involved in spouse seeking at times because so many struggle/fail in this area repeatedly despite seeking God. Im a believer but people being 40+ single despite wanting it is disheartening
thank you for this video this video, this answers my questions
The only people who tell you to wait are marrieds. But did they "wait" for their spouse? I can almost promise you that they didn't. They saw their future spouse and they pursued them. "God said, "It is not right that man should be alone. I will make him a helper." He didn't force Adam to wait. Nowhere does it say we should wait for a spouse. Jacob waited, but only because he was tricked into having to WORK for his future bride thanks to his father-in-law! Don't ever get dating advice from marrieds. They are singularly UNQUALIFIED to speak on this subject. Marriage advice, yes. Dating? NO!
4:28
Both the man and the woman should build a strong foundation in God first. In turn God will reveal the woman to the man such as Eve was revealed to Adam. Also in proverbs 18:22 he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord. He who seeks finds… A man must be actively seeking a wife and a godly woman can only be revealed from the Lord.
Amen 🙏✝️🙏😇🤍🕊️
God bless!
I love all your videos 🙂🙏🏼
The only thing I dislike is the term "the one";
I pray for "the RIGHT one"
🙏🏼📖❤️🤍✝️
Yes, I don’t agree with the term either when used in many of the ways others use it. I simply mean the person God has planned for you to marry. applygodsword.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-the-one/
What Christian’s dating website is good? Not sure how to determine which one is the right one.
They all seem to be filled with secular men pretending to be believers, but I felt like Eharmony was the best option. You still have to put in a lot of work to weed out the wrong ones, but you will find more men who are compatible with you, plus, most men avoid sites that require memberships if they only want flings.
I met one guy that claimed he was of God and he was manipulating and he was dating many women ppl did not find out for 3 yrs make sure you all know thier life’s family where they live and thier background you would be surprised what you find out about a person ( I will be doing background cos on ppl from now on)
Is a little confusing this topic, I am Christian I love The Lord I feel really like I love the idea to share my life my beliefs, but in real life is like we all are so different even in random things that seems imposible to find a Godly single man, or even a friend that share what i think how much I love to follow God kinda the idea is so beautiful but maybe in my country there are not many Christians is more catolicism or persons that used to believe that literally run like when we say God and I am ok like this in my own path or journey could be so beautiful very fullfill my life and be a couple a team to stat there but is a dream like a child to dream about it, in real life kinda not work for me... Really I love the to do the things I do on my own but is just nice to dream about it...
I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. Modern women aren't worth it.
You can wait and have no results in years...
I am so tired of wanting a Christian man to come into my life. I give up!
You have to look in the bible. Adam was given Eve did Adam look or it was given? He has God so he is the giver. If you look and find and God is not in it, it will end up in tragedy or not God's will. In the next lineage they were commanded to pick or choose from their own tribe. But they have a choice and they had many wives is okay in the old testament. David had Bathsheba who was another man's wife. Yet Jesus lineage still came from the worst scenarios. God is so wise we can't outsmart him. It is only man thinks we control this is practical. But Christians are spiritual. In my experience if I AM NOt a Christians I should have already many wives and children from my experience and perspective. There is a cost right. So why control others when you know nothing at all. Amen.
THATS ALL EASE E FOR YOU TO SAY AND DO. FOR YOU WASINT BORN SLOW AND YOU NEVER GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW . YOU NEVER GOT YOUT HEART BROKEN EVERY DAMN DAY AND NIGHT AND IN EVERY VALTINES DAYS BUT iVE BROKEN A YOUNG WOMAN HEART THAT ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE ME THAT HONK AT ME AND THAT DID COME AROUND EVEN WHEN I DIDNT SHOW HER THAT I LIKE HER TOO. BUT THAT OVER BECAUSE SHE DONT COME AROUND LIKE SHE USE TOO NOW IT FEELS LIKE A GHOST DOWN WHEN SHE NOT AROUND. HER LIKE IS LIKE A LIKE I NEVER SEEN BEFORE FOR SHE MADE THE FIRST MOVE WHEN SHE HONK AT ME ACROSS THE STREET WHERE HER FAMILY MEMBERS OWN A LIL MEXICAN RESTURANT WHERE i FIRST SAW HER THREW THE SMALL WINDOWS OF THE RESTURANT. MY ATTENTION WAS NEVER TO BREAK HER HEART OR PLAY WITH HER FEELINGS BUT i DID ANYWAY. MY ATTENTION WASINT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OR A WIFE BUT JUST A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS AND HAVE A BOOTY CALL FOR ALL THOSE TIMES AND YEARS I DID FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT iVE DID WAS WRONG UNTILL i WENT TO JAIL THEN PRISON FOR MY ACTING THAT NO BODY TOLD ME ABOUT. BUT WHEN i FIRST SAW HER EYES MY WHOLE MIND OF WAY OF THINKING CHANGE WHEN i SAW HER THAT EVEN BEFORE i STARTED THE BOOTY CALL AND FRIEND WITH BENEFITS THING i COULDINT DO IT AND i STILL CANT DO IT. EVEN WHEN i TRY TO LUST AFTER OTHER WOMAN i CANT DO IT AND THIS IS COMIING FROM A MARIJUANA SMOKER WHO TRYS TO BE GOOD BUT ALWAYS END UP HURT FOR I AM A BROKEN MAN WITH A SAD STORY AND A HURT MAN WHO'S DAD NEVER LOVED HIM FOR HE NEVER ONCE CARE ABOUT ME FOR HE WASINT IN MY LIFE. AND ALL I WANTED AS A LIL KID WAS MY DAD IN MY LIFE. AND NOW THAT I LIKE SOMEONE WHO LIKED ME FIRST DONT LIKE ME NO MORE DONT COME AROUND NO MORE . ANYWAY HOW A WOMAN GOING TO LIKE A DAMN SICK BUSTURAD MAN LIKE ME WITH MY DAMNN CHARGE THAT I HATE SO MUCH AND THE SICKNESS THAT IN MY BODY. I DONT WANT TO GIVE HER MY SICKNESS AND HAVE HER GO THREW WHAT I WANT IN PRISON BECAUSE OF MY CHARGE. SO ALL THOSE TIMES AND MONTHS DATE YEARS i COULD OF TALK TO HER BUT I DIDINT WHY? I ASK MYSELF THAAT EVERYDAY BUT MY ANSWER IS BECAUSE OF MY PAST AND BECAUSE OF MY CHARGE AND MY SICKNESS THAT I TAKE MEDS FOR. SO WHAT DOES A MAN DO IN THIS SITUATION LIKE THIS WHEN ALL HE CAN DO IS THINK OF THE ONE HE LIKES AND LIKE TO KNOW. I BROKE HER HEART MENTALLY NOT TALIKG TO HER ON VALTINES DAY AND AFTER VALTINES DAY ANYWAY SHE BROKE MY HEART LAST VALTINES DAY OF 2023 WHEN A GUY CAME UP TO HER AND STARTED TALIKING TO HIM ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE APT I LIVE AT WHILE I WAS SITTING DOWN WAITING FOR THE RESTURANT TO CLOSE. WHEN I SAW HER WITH HIM TALKING i BUT HARDCORE INSTRUMENTAL BEAT AND STARTED RAPPING AND PUTTING FEAR IN THAT GUY SHE WAS TALKING TOO FOR HE LEFTWITH NO PROBLEM. BUT AM STILL HOPING THAT IT WAS A DREAM WHE I SAW HER GO IN THE HOUSE AND A MEXICAN GUY GET OUT OF THE WHITE LANDSCAPING TRUCK AND GO IN AFTER HER? I DONT KNOW i WAS HIGH AND HEART BREAKINNG FOR BREAKING HER HEART THAT I DIDINT EVEN PAY ATTENTION IF HE WENT IN THE HOUSE WITH HER OR NOT . AM GOING THREW SO MUCH THAT I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE NO MORE. I HATE MYSELF. ANYWAY HOW SHE GOING LIKE A MAN WITH FOOT FUNGUS AND A SICK BODY? ABOUT THE WHITE LANDSCAPING TRUCK OR ANY TRUCK i SEE MORE WHITE TRUCKS AND BLACK TRUCKS NOW LIKE BEFORE AND IT HURTS TO SEE A DAMN TRUCK OR A DARK BLUE COLOR CARS PASSING BY ALL THE TIME OR PARKING AT THE RESTURANT. THE REASON FOR THE BLACK TRUCK IS BECAUSE ON VALTINES DAY OF MANY YEARS THERE WAS A BLIZZARD AND BUS STOP RUNING SO I WALK FROM UPSTATE TO DOWNSTATE IN THE BLIZZARD JUST TO GO SPEND VALTINES WITH HER AND GIVE HER A PREPAID PHONE AND BOX CHOCOLATE AND STUFF ANMIAL THAT I BOUGHT HER BUT WHEN I GOT DOWN THERE SOMETHING IN ME TOLD ME TO WAIT AND HIDE BEHIND THE TREE AND LOOK WHAT YOU ABOUT TO SEE AND WHAT I SAW WAS AN OLD EX BEFORE GETTING OUT OF A MAN BLACK PICK UP TRUCK AND TALKING KISSING HUGGING EACH OTHER THEN HE LEFT AND SHE WENT IN HER DAD AND MOM APT BUT MY DUM ASS WENT AND KNOCK ON HER DOOR AINSTEAD OF WALIKNG BACK HOME SO SHE LET ME IN SHOCK THAT I CAME ON VALTINES DAY TO SPEND NIGHT WITH HER BUT ENDED STAYING WITH HER FOR 3 DAYS BECAUSE SHE DIDINT WANT ME TO WALK BACK HOME BUT CAUGHT THE BUS BACK HOME WELL I DID AND HAD SEX GAVE HER WHAT I BOUGHT AND DIDINT EVEN QUESTION OF WHAT I SAW HER DOING WITH THE GUY WHO DROP HER OFF BUT SLEEP WITH HER AND WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORING AND WANT MY WAY NEVER TO HEAR FROM HER OR ME CALL HER EVER AGAIN. SO WHAT DOES A MAN DO IF HE LIKES SOMEONE BUT CANT DO IT BECAUSE OF HIS CHARGE AND HIS SICKNESS??? FOR IVE TOLD MANY WOMAN ABOUT MY CHARGE AND THEY NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO SHOW A BROKEN MY HEART THAT DONT CHEATED. BUT BEEN CHEATED ON SO MANY TIMES THAT I TO THE POINT OF JUST SAYING BUMP THIS AND START THE FRIEND WITH BENEFITS AND BOOTY CALL AND ONE NIGHT STAND IF GOD DONT DO NOTHING ABOUT FOR IVE PRAY FOR A GOOD THING ALL MY LIFE AND STILL AM A OLDER MAN WITH NO KIDS WHO BEEN SINGLE FOR A EVERY LONG TIME NOW WHO HASINT HAD SEX FOR MANY YEARS NOW OR FELT A WOMAN TOUCH. LIKE ADAM HAD EVE SO WHAT ABOUT ME WHEN AM I GOING TO BE HAAPY AGAIN JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE JESUS DONT MEAN AM HAPPY MAN I AM MISSERABLE WITHOUT A WOMAN ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A DAD IN MY LIFE AND A GOOD THING BUT I SEE THAT AM JUST A BIG LOSERWHO SUCKS AT EVERYTHING NO EDUCATION NO GED NO HIGH SCHOOL DIPOLMA NOO DRIVER LICENSE NO JOB NO FRIENDS NO NOTHING JUST A DAMN LONER THAT ALL. FOR WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE COMPETING WITH MAN IF I CANT COMPETE WITH ANY MAN FOR I HAVE NOTHING ALL I HAVE TO GIVE IS JESUS CHRIST WORDS TO A WOMAN.