That Moment You're the Last Person to Hear Someone Alive
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2024
- Storyteller Brian Finkelstein shares a memory from his time as a crisis hotline volunteer. "SoulPancake LIVE: An Evening on Mental Health" was an on-stage event in Downtown Los Angeles with host Alison Becker, featuring special guests Karamo Brown, Brian Finkelstein, Italome Ohikhuare, Meadow Mountain and more!
Sponsored by Why We Rise, benefitting Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support in the US.
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"It's enough because it has to be." I like that.
Sarah Czyzowski my favorite part
“But every once in a while there are those perfect life moments. And that’s enough. Because it has to be.”
Wow.
My riding instructor calls those moments of glory. It's not quite in relation to life, but it feels like that.
Amber Blyledge
Your riding instructor sounds awesome.
I think "Strawberry ice cream" meant a lot to me because of what I think is a deeper meaning. If she was answering the question then I think she was still thinking about the memory... and in a way, I feel relief that she got to relive that memory of a happy day before she passed away.
I lost it at strawberry ice cream, hit me right in the chest. Stories like this are so important.
When you want to die, but you can’t understand why when there’s a roof over your head, clean water, food to eat, clothes to wear ...but somehow your brain is trying to kill you with thoughts of dying. Doesn’t seem scary unless you’ve experienced it.
I'm currently experiencing this right now. I used to mock depression saying that its just n excuse for people not to work but now that I'm in it, I always feel suicidal. I am not clinically diagnosed but somehow I can feel that this is that. Hope I can turn okay.
@@daze.d5462 I hope you’re doing better? It’s not an easy road to be on especially during dark moments in life and sometimes those moments linger on for a long time and sometimes nothing helps. Nearly everyday the thought of ending it all comes to mind is at least once or more at times a day and I find myself asking God when? Now? Today? Then I find myself waking up the next morning and it starts again. Then I just tell myself I guess I’m still here so just go with it. And that is all anyone can do, just go with it.
Stay strong and know that there are others that understand. Aloha 🌺
@@goodstory5890 Im perfectly fine. I managed to fight my demons for the time being. Thanks for checking. Though I have moments but I find that action beats it. I am becoming more active in engaging and solving my problems rather than it having to eat me alive.
@@daze.d5462 thank you for your response. Tho strangers from miles apart, I hope I can be considered a friend? I have come to realize how we need others, old and new people in our lives to help through the good and difficult times.
I look forward to keeping in touch? Aloha 🌺
@@daze.d5462 glad to here you're feeling better! I have struggled too for about two years now. It's been getting a lot better lately, but it still gets really bad sometimes. I get terrified by the thoughts I used to have a lot, and sometimes have to this day. Haven't really told anyone either. I mean, on the internet I have, but not to my surroundings. I want to tell my parents but I kind of feel embarrassed. Hope you will continue to feel better. And know that you are at least not alone!
I come back to this video every once in a while to remind myself that life is not about being happy every day. It is about those perfect (little) moments even it is „just“ strawberry ice cream
Risky click for me... didn't want to feel sad so early in the morning! This was very funny, interesting and thought provoking. Thank you!
So happy you thought so!
“At the heart of all suicide is strong ambivalence. People most often don’t want to do it. People do it, because it gets too much.” 😞😞
"You know what? Some days you just have to hear it. At least you're not a worm." - Tyler Joseph
I loved this so much. It was so pure and to see the change in his tone of voice and the way he presented the story, he gave dignity to the people he helped and to Amy. His view on life is true and I think that's why I liked this so much. I appreciate things like this being done because even just videos like this could spark a conversation or a realisation with someone experiencing something like he did. Thank you, SoulPancake & Brian for sharing this story :)
That blindsided me. I figured a level of sorrow but i feel devastated. Extremely moving, but nonetheless devastating.
Damn, that's painful. Here's to you, Amy.
This video got me to call the Suicide Prevention hotline a second ago. Now I feel like I'm more on track to receive the help I need. If you see this comment and you need help, reach out. You don't even need to be actively suicidal to call, they can help if you're overwhelmed and don't know what to do. If I can do it, so can you ❤
how'd it go?
I originally heard this story on the radio about 5 years ago. It still amazes me how Brian is able to weave humor into a story like this, yet remain so respectful of young Amy.
it’s not even ten in the morning and i’m crying my eyes out
What do you mean 10 in the morning, that's called noon mate
SponzifyMee what?..if it’s not even 10 in the morning then it’s still the morning 😂
Noon is 12. Just putting that out there as a little PSA.
This was beautiful. He had a way of making this video so funny, in a dark way that feels like something only people who have felt this could fully understand. And the story telling was great. I'm so glad this video was as hopeful as it was, and that I decided to watch it.
I've recently been diagnosed with depression for the second time in nine years - I'm only 23. I've thought about ending it several times, but each time I would remember what someone said to me once: "suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to those who are left behind."
Wow, that is a really incredible quote. We're glad you're here and have stuck through it. Always keep your eye on those little moments that make life worth living ❤️
I'm the same! What keeps me going is not wanting to hurt the people who love me and knowing that I will end any chance to have those beautiful moments in life that come once in a while.
only difference is that they might be able to get over it.
@@14megasxlr suicide has touched my life 3 separate times. I can guarantee that you don't ever get over it. The guilt is debilitating some days. Why didn't I notice? Could I have done something? Is it my fault? Questions that will never be answered.
@@14megasxlr At one point in my life the only reason I didn't end it was because I didn't want to leave my brother. If he took his own life, I would never get over it. He's my everything. Also you must have heard about parents who don't ever get over the death of their child. The guilt eats at them for the rest of their life.
Truly shocked this video doesn't have at least a million views. I watched this a year ago and I still think of this story and that girl often. This video deserves so much exposure.
I'm a police officer. I have been in your shoes. I still think about what I said and what he did. It was such a tragic loss for so many. Life is too precious to throw away. It haunts me everyday.
RIP Amy Walters. You were a beautiful soul.
My father completed suicide when I was a teen... The last few things Brain said hit me... They will never get to know what we now know ❤❤❤ Beautiful story.
Tanya Rivera
I'm sorry you know that pain.
Jenn 💖 in Canada 🍁
im a christian but i am glad he got rid of the people who thought pushing their religion on a suicidal person was a good idea ive thought of ending my life many times and 1 of the last things i wanted to hear was someone pushing religion on me like telling me i would go to hell if i did it or telling me that i wouldnt be feeling like this if i read the bible and prayed enough or did it in the right way or whatever
Christian kathryn Grimes
💖💖💖
You are so awesome. Those who use religion as a hammer and not a caress are, in my book, the most unholy. I'm not a believer, at all, but I'd call you friend.
Jenn 💖 in Canada 🍁
Thank you for being a woke Christian and sharing your story with us.
aaA same here, and just thinking of it makes me angry.
Th3UprightMan that comment is uncalled for
So's devouring that third hamburger for her lunch and yet it still happens.
The part whet ehe brings up that "I don't want to die I just want the pain to stop" being a warning sign kinda scares me as I was in that exact same spot about a month ago and said that verbatim to my boyfriend.
It's a terrible place to be and I'm fortunate that, though things aren't really better, I'm gotten over that hump of terrible emotion.
I hope the best for anybody else who ends up in that place. I know how lonely it can be
🫶 sending love to you
Hope you are doing better
@@user-jp3bu6cx9q I wish I could say I was
I appreciate the well wishes though
Take care of yourself as well
@@wyv3rn1 I wasn’t expecting you to reply so quickly! Most comments that are like a year+ old don’t reply. idk why but thanks for replying :D
Anyway, I’m sorry things aren’t going too well. I honestly wish I could do something to help, you seem like a sweet person! But thank you for the wishes too!
The worst part is thinking that maybe you could have done something else to avoid it😥 I'm sure he'll never forget her.
Kariza Alves there’s nothing he could have done, she had already took them before they called I think
@@cadencemurphy9526 yeah there's nothing else he could have done but that doesn't erase the feeling of someone literally dying while you're on the phone with them
Thank you SoulPancake for putting out such important content & Thank you Brian Finkelstein for sharing such a meaningful story.
I think about this story at least once a month after first hearing it on The Moth several years ago. I struggle hsrd with depression and have recently slipped into some unusually strong suicidal urges. Listening to this brings me comfort. I'll probably have to call a hotline some time soon, and when I do, I hope it's someone like Brian on the other end of thr phone.
I think we've all had some experience with suicide...a friend, a relative, business associate, family. I was a vocational Counselor for 25 years. I helped blind and visually impaired people find jobs. One Client I remember was blind in one eye due to a suicide attempt. He said "I couldn't even kill myself right...now I'm blind". An old childhood friend of mine killed himself in his truck, because he was in constant pain and the doctors could not find a reason. My ex husband was having mental issues, which was why I had to take our kids and leave him. At one point when I was talking with him, I realized he might be suicidal. His dad had committed suicide due to the breakup of his marriage. I found out later that I said the one thing that made him decide not to run the car into the canal...I said "I hope you would not consider suicide, because our son might someday be in a bad situation and think..."My grandfather killed himself, my dad killed himself...I guess it runs in the family, so here I go". I have never been suicidal personally...I was born legally blind, and now at 70 I find myself hearing impaired as well. things have not always been easy for me, but like this speaker, I know that in a minute, an hour, a day, a week....etc, everything can turn around and be wonderful. I like the saying from an old song "Just around the corner, everything's shining gold!"
This is such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing!
Gamp Lane
I'm in awe of you. Absolutely, totally awestruck. You are the reason there's hope in this world. Thank you.
I’ve never really had much experience with it except for my own attempts and issues.
"My husband's father killed himself over divorce, so when my husband was suicidal I took the kids and left him". Doesn't exactly sound like the kind of thing I would openly post about :(
I cried. That was a beautiful one. Many years ago I made it to the step where I'd reply "yes" to all questions. The rope was ready, the letter was written. At that moment a friend called me, and they never called me on the phone before (internet friends), and they asked about me. That wasn't the kind of friendship we had, but that's what happened. That's why I'm alive today.
Since then I've had the most mindblowingly amazing experiences in life, also plenty of bad ones, and your last sentence rings so true. It has to be.
Looking back on that time in my life, it would've been the right call in that moment. I understood it then and I understand it now. I did not want to die, I just wanted the pain of life to stop. It's like standing on the 20th floor with a raging fire creeping up on you, and you have to jump to your death or burn to death in the fire. Life felt like the fire, suicide felt like jumping. Taking control. That's all there's to it, or it was, to me.
Thanks for this. I really needed to listen to this to remember.
We need more stories like this to be shared with the world to help show how real and tragic suicide is. Yeah, it's ugly, incredibly heartbreaking, and absolutely terrible... but the more people realize that, I believe the less suicides will occur. Hiding tragedies like this is what makes people feel alone and curious, then one thing leads to another. The more people realize how loved they are and how much they impact other people's lives, the less likely they will do something irreversible. Thank you +SoulPancake for always going against the status quo and for sharing what needs to be heard. This video was incredible and touched my heart.
This video has genuinely changed the way I think, and I come back to it all the time. I don’t know if I would be here today if it wasn’t for him. I haven’t had a perfect moment yet, or at least one that I can remember (I have chronic dissociation/derealization/depersonalization) , but i’m alive for the possibility that I will have them, and if not, that I will at least have okay moments.
I knew this was going to hit a nerve prior to watching this but dammit, didn’t realize how much of an impact it was going to be. just wow.
I clicked on this video expecting to click off, but something about his way of storytelling is amazing. This guy is smart, he's got it figured out, for real.
Am I the only one who noticed the woman texting in the front row through most of the talk?
This video just saved my life....thank you.
I feel like society doesn’t like showing things like this, people don’t like talking about death. But we should, its something that happens to all of us, and it can maybe save someone from making such an impact. This video really moved me, im not one to think about the dark side of things too much, but i watched this and it really opened my eyes. Thank you
I'm still waiting for another *perfect* *life* *moment*
One will definitely come your way soon enough ❤️
SoulPancake
I know.... I'm just tired of waiting, I've been waiting for seven years. I know it will come, I'm scared it might not come fast enough. Thanks for replying though.❤️💓❤️
Kiaralyn Rosario I feel like I've been waiting 7 years as well. Ive definitely lived moments when i was younger that made all the struggle feel worth it and i try to hang onto those memories. But its hard living in the drought... Feeling like all the best things in life are behind me. Hang in there soldier. We must fight on to the bitter end. Because those perfect moments might return if we fight for them and try to gain control of this nose dive towards destruction. And they just might make surviving the desert worth it again. We are stronger than we know. Dig deep my friend.
Kiaralyn Rosario, I just want to check in with you! How are you doing? Has that little perfect moment happened yet?
You squish my soul soulpancake. You make me feel things. Profound things. Things only soul pancake can. Thnx.
Gut wrenching, heart breaking, but probably the most surfaced truth in life.
Didn't expect to both equally laugh and cry watching this... I was so incredibly captivated by Brian's story.
I personally talked during my small life (I'm 17) with three friends who was thinking about suicide, one of them had planned it. So I really relate to that testimony. Thanks.
L'éclectique
Damn. I'm sorry. I'm old(ish) 62, and I've not had that many in my life. Please if it wears on you too much, talk to an older person you can trust. It's really hard to carry that weight. I used to be the one everyone came to about problems because I listened, didn't judge and didn't tell. I wish, with my entire being, I'd told.
My boyfriend told me he was going to do it. He did. I was 15, he was 17. So although that was the only time ever, I wish, all these years later, I'd told someone. Thank you for being such a good friend but please, if someone says they're going to harm themselves, ask those four questions and if, as he said, you get more than one yes~tell someone. Don't carry the burden I do.
Old person lecture over.
Jenn 💖 in Canada 🍁
rhijulbec1 thanks a lot :)
L'éclectique
You're welcome Love. You aren't alone.
@@rhijulbec1 I'm so sorry you had to go through life, with this guilt hanging over your head like a constant stormy rain cloud. Did you get counselling or anything to help with the healing process?
@@Sparr0wBird
Hi Steph. Thank you for your concern. That is so sweet. 💖
I did, but not until years later. This was 1970.
I'd forgotten it~repressed it actually, but when my daughter died in 1984, fourteen years later, a number of traumas I'd repressed came back to mind. I had to counsel for a lot of things.
I was really more sorry for his mum and dad. There was nothing could have stopped him. I think he just wanted to die, tbh. His mum was the librarian in our town and a genuinely nice person. His dad was a professor at the university in the city about 25 minutes away and I can only say he was the absent minded professor. Vastly intelligent. And they both loved Larry deeply. Larry was troubled and so was in I high school.
We made a pact to die together.
Not entirely sure I wouldn't have. But he died in the bathroom of a bar 😔, alone.
How heartbreaking is that? 💔💔Poor guy. He was haunted by his mental illnesses. He was bi-polar and schizophrenic. To this day I wish I'd said something. It probably wouldn't have stopped him-but at least I'd tried. I was afraid I guess.
In counseling I did talk about it.
im just going through videos looking for a reason not to hurt myself today
how are you now?
Yeah how are you now calynn?
His comfort pulls it out of you. You feel like you can feel like how you feel. And that's so heavy for those that have dealt with depression and suicide. It's potent. And not in a bad way. So many deal with this and nobody talks about it. It's so important. (typed while incredibly upset)
Tell someone. You're not whining. Don't do it. You are not whining. Someone does care. Even if it's a stranger.
I'm being totally honest when I say this is the best talk I've ever listened to. Just wow
Riveting speech. Love this channel
Oh wow...that story. Damn.
Rest in peace Amy. You are not forgotten.
That made me feel a lot. Very eye opening.
I saw this video around the time you posted it. This was also during a time where I had already failed one attempt and suicide was on my mind constantly. Three months ago I decided to try again and I planned the actions of my own suicide down to the minute with determination. About an hour before I had decided that I would go through with it the memory of this video rang out to me from the back of my mind. I had not been right for years but masked it but this time I decided to finally speak and seek help. I was living with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Please never delete this video. It saved my life. There are more out there like me I'm sure that it will save.
Bipolar has an extremely high risk of suicide attached - especially if it's untreated (or insufficiently treated). And if you are getting drugs for it and they don't help, please get other medical opinions and try other drugs, until you find something that really helps. I'm glad you are still here and that you got help. I have experience with this in my family.
@@MM-Iconoclast Thank you for the advice. The best thing I had on my side was the fact that my brother is Bipolar and my other brother is Schizophrenic. I knew the signs for many years and I knew that I fell under the prerequisite of Bipolar disorder. I just did not want to admit it to myself or to anybody else. Mainly out of fear of what people thought because I had watched allot of people judge my brother and I am also a fireman so I thought it would be a career ending blow due to the misunderstanding of mental health in the USA. As well as I was taking care of my Schizophrenic brother as we couldn't find any treatment to help for a long time. I did not focus on myself for a decade because of it. Once I had time to breath it accelerated quickly. Thats when things got bad. The biggest benefit I had though from helping my brother is that I knew exactly who to call in regards to doctors. My doc took excellent care of me and hit the medications on the head. I was legitimately scared of that being a major process too. Nope... first try
@@Fire_Marshall_Bill Btw, when looking at meds, make sure to check into Clozapine/Clozaril. Just do a search online. There's a lot of interesting stuff written about it's use (and non-use) for Bipolar and Schizophrenia. Good luck to you.
I can’t even begin to form the words to explain how close to home this hit - more people should see this talk
Thank you so much Brian.........if we can get past that horrible moment in our lives, life will show us beautiful moments.
I’m glad I found this video. I wasn’t expecting to laugh and cry all at the same time.
My husband shot himself on the phone with me . It was early morning ...i will never forgive myself. Our daughter was 2 yrs old. She is 27 now. Im 50. My husband and I were 25 yrs old when he died. Please ...stick around for your kids. It really hurts your children extra hard.
I'm so, so sorry...
This talk is amazing. Wow. What a story and what a message.
Thank you for uploading this. It meant a lot to me and I know that it will do the same for others.
Great Talk. Thank you Soul Pancake!
AMAZING SAD STORY!!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING BROTHER!!!!
Thank you so much for this
Wow oh my god, this was so so good. I was looking for a video just like this for a long time, something about suicide sprinkled with comedy. I was doing work while watching this until I had to stop and fully listen because it was just that good. Brian is a great speaker. Man I’d love to read and cry to a book like this. I love this so so much. It’s going into my favorites playlist.
Wow this is powerful. Thank you.
Amazing talk. Thank you for sharing this! I’ve been curious about what it’s like to volunteer in a suicide hotline. I’m so thankful CZcams recommended this to me
Love this talk. Even though I'm an orphan I somehow got the idea into my head aswell that depression was something priviliged. That I didn't deserve the right to complain about how bad my life was because there would always be people who had it way worse. And that even though everyone can get it and I showed all the symptoms anyone but I deserved help. But I've since realised that I shouldn't keep myself from expressing my real feelings just because I might be critical of them. And that I shouldn't treat myself worse then I treat other people for whatever stupid reason I come up with.
i'm glad i've watched this.
more of this please
My hart started Breaking and I stared crying 😢
This man is amazing
Agreed!
Love y’all ❤️
Very powerful. Happy to say I had my moment and I am on the other side. I empathize with everyone still going through it.
heard this on npr a couple years ago when i was suicidal and it helped me a lot, gods work
Wow - this is the most powerful talk I've ever heard. That and the Kevin Briggs TED talk "The Bridge Between Suicide and Life". It's sad and tragic when anyone takes their own life, but it seems especially horrible when a young person does it because there's so many unfulfilled dreams - a mom never seeing her daughter walk down the aisle, a father never seeing his son graduate college, etc. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and ocd, and may even have complex PTSD, so I've been "in the trenches". Please people, I'm begging you, let's all try to be a little more civil to one another because you never know how your words or actions may effect another person - you could be the one to send that fragile, sensitive person over the edge. I know it sounds corny and cliched, but try to be kinder to people because you never know what demons they're battling. This talk brought tears to my eyes. I hope wherever Amy is, she's at peace.
Just what I needed! 😶💞
Monet Live l
i've heard this story from when he told it for the Moth about fifteen times and of all the stories that were printed in the book compilation of Moth stories, this stuck with me the most--i also reread it probably about fifteen times, too. Never heard a different telling of it. this was very good.
My brother left us two months ago. He was only 36. Thank you for sharing this story…. We as a family constantly deal with guilt, anger, confusion sadness (although we understand it wasn’t his fault).
That was so powerful.
Great story.
Wow.. what a history! What a history!
Wow. Just amazing.
I remember being in rehab (or the ward, never sure how to describe it) and I was 16. I was the youngest person there at the time and I was terrified. I cried for almost my whole stay which luckily was short. I was sitting on my bed, just in tears and a girl walks in who was one of my roommates. She was tall, blonde, kind of an edgy haircut I think. I can’t recall her name sadly. She talked to me about everything in the week previous that had brought me there and what happened to her. She made me feel comfortable and heard. It felt like talking to a big sister who knew exactly what it felt like to be suicidal and struggle to be okay. I left soon after and without her name or any info, I don’t know what happened to her. I don’t know if she won her fight or if she remembers being so nice to broken kid. I hope she’s doing well!!
Thank you.
Full on made me cry
Thank you. Thank you. I cannot emphasize how much I needed to hear this story. Thank you for still thinking of Amy. Thank you for throwing up your tequila. Thank you for being alive and reminding us to try to do that too. Thank you.
this was incredible ,3
i watched this video for the 4th and im still crying as much as the first time..
Great storytelling!
Powerful!! My 20 yr old daughter died of an accidental OD almost eight yrs ago. I truly will never know if it was accidental or not. The pain she was going through was intense. She had just lost her father to addiction. He was my ex-husband. And other problems, being diagnosed bi-polar. Just so much that I really will never know. I haven't discussed these thoughts with family or anyone. I knew her best, so I just kept it to myself. I didn't need to upset people even more than they were.
“He has five alcoholic kids, he’s an enabler” that went over everybody’s head 😂
not mine lol
Loved this
Wow... just wow... ♥️😭
Love this
what a beautifully tragic story
How could 2 people dislike this video??? It’s powerful ❤️
Luke J
Maybe too close to home. I wondered that too.
Those perfect moments are not enough. You realize how temporary these feelings are.
All feelings are temporary sadness too
This was funny and interesting! I love soul pancake!❤️😃😂
Nice to listen to
Relate so well to the girl that calls through...
I'm crying.
so powerfull
See that's where the problem lies. It never stops like the waves. I just want to end it so it doesnt get bad again.
😯 I’m crying
I'm kind of this werid state where I'm not able to show any emotions for years now. After watching this, now, I can't stop shivering and crying.
I think its your body's way of handling stress-self preservation. For me I shut down and grow ice cold because Im so afraid if I show any emotion or allow myself to feel I will break
I’m so glad I watched this video. This brought tears to my eyes, and showed me a new perspective on life