Signs the Unfaithful Is Growing, Healing & Doing Affair Recovery Work
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- čas přidán 14. 12. 2022
- When a spouse or partner is serious about repairing the damage of their affair or addiction on their loved ones, the simple truth is, you can see it. You can feel it in their voice, you see it in their demeanor and you notice it in their overall approach to recovery work. But what are those indicating signs and where can you find them? Today Samuel shares just a few but palatable signs that the unfaithful is growing, healing and actually doing work to heal the damage their choices has caused in everyone around them. While not an exhaustive list, it’s a list from the foxhole of recovery that I’m sure you’ll walk away from feeling encouraged, informed and comforted by a fellow survivor of infidelity.
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- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
It's been 4 months and am still daying in the inside yes my unfaithful patner is trying his best but me dealing with trigger's and remainders on daily basis is really taking over me am just a shadow of who I was 😥😥😭 some times the pain hit me sooo hard Soo deep that I just want nothing but to just disappear
Just want to remind you that you aren't alone and wishing you peace and another reminder that this is part of your journey and a perfect time for positive transformation
God bless and heal you and bring you to wholeness ☮️🙏🏼♥️
Same
@@leahpalladino9381 It's been a little over two months for me now. I've asked God everyday to please bring me out of this misery. Now I don't go to bed with that being the last thing on my mind and the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I pray before I lay down and I pray when I first wake up. I promise you prayer is the key. Even that cloud is not as low and heavy anymore. I'm still hurting but I know God is still working on me.
It's been almost 4 months since I found out that the love of my life, my Christian husband of 35 years had been having an affair for 3 years. No one, including me, had any idea...he never showed any unhappiness or trouble in our marriage. He even surprised me with a vowel renewal on our 35th anniversary, yet he texted her that very night. He says he is so sorry and definitely takes ownership of what he has done, has agreed to go to counseling but has shown very little growth. He has read 20 or more books for fun since then but NONE on recovery. I'm not sure I can stick it out if I don't see real change. He needs to be trying as hard as I am or I just can't do it. I'm in therapy 2 times a week...why is he only doing 1 time a week? It seems he wants life to just go "back to normal", but nothing will ever be normal again. I'm so broken.
Sending you hugs. My heart hurts for you, sister in pain. I hope you are doing better now, whatever your path.
1. Doing the work. Not lazy.
2. Humility (letting pride and self image and selfishness die. Sacrificing self)
4. Listening with empathy and compassion. Not to refute but digesting info and being safe for them to emote. Safety and listening are love languages. Let them get angry and cry but set boundaries after several hours and disconnect to sleep or take breaks.
5. Be reachable and engaging. Not retract in shame and pride. Not pushing away people, not alienation.
6. Honesty (with self and partner) not living in shadow self but transparent and living radically honest
7. Be Accountable. Be Transparent (trackers, videos, texting location, passwords) go the extra mile.
8. Understanding why you were unfaithful
Thank you for this. You hit the mark and validated my opinion that my ex husband was not growing at all, after about a year of recovery “work” on his and my part, he was still trying to make me believe it was okay for him to maintain a relationship with the affair partner…..he was never able to give me any full disclosure, never able to admit what it meant for him. Never able to exhibit any empathy unless someone guilted him in to it. I was never emotionally safe with him. But the longer I am away from it and reflect from time to time, the clearer it becomes that he just simply was not capable of being introspective.
My heart goes out to you. I am in awe of your strength to leave. I watched this video and the one of the red flags that the Unfaithful is NOT doing the work. My husband is exhibiting every single red flag on that list and failed all but one on this list. It's just like yours, he can't even give me a full disclosure. Every woman's name that shows up on a scrap of paper he wrote, or his ads online... he Swears he can't remember doing them, doesn't know what they are about. I am getting so sick with my auto immune and yet I cannot leave as I am disabled and not married long enough to get assistance from him in our state. I feel so sad and trapped, but hearing you so much clearer after being out. That gives me hope.
Honesty, consistency and transparency, these are the things that I do now...its the least that I can do.My problem is that I just want my wife to feel better sooner. Im so impatient , I miss her so very much...why did I do what I did? Only thought about myself... totally selfish
Thank you, Sam! This is so timely, as always. My SAH is slowly growing and working towards undoing all of the character defects he's had for over 58 years. It takes time, patience, and will. You hit the bull's eye! Have a Merry Christmas, Sam!
Can you explain what changes you have seen?
Sam, seriously, you have been my crutch through this whole process 18mo past dd, and still a long way to go, but things are for sure progressing. Progress not perfectection, baby steps... but deff progress. Thank you for all you do. Merry Christmas and i look forward to more videos from u.
You have really hit the bull's eye today. Thank you Samuel. Thanks for teaching about humility. Keep doing the good work. God bless you🙏
U hit the bullseye with these. Thank you
Bullseye, thank you. Needed that today. Progress not perfection.
You have been there….you get it! I appreciate it and all the wisdom you share. I keep listening and trying. We are both trying.
Much awaited one....thanku so much dear brother...lots of love and prayers across miles
In my experience with dysfunctional behavior in general is that people rarely want to truly address their issues and work through them (sadly). It is much, much more common for people to deny or give a very half-hearted effort at sort of addressing things (but not really) and consequently never making any real progress. I had to end a relationship in my own life because after a year of trying and pouring myself into helping this person, I realized that she had not actually improved at all since the day I met her, and though she had given lip service to the idea of work, she had never really shown any real commitment at all. I eventually gave her an ultimatum, which resulted in her agreeing to be serious, but even after that nothing positive happened, and I eventually had to leave to save myself.
If your partner is truly willing to do the hard work, I would strongly encourage everyone to give it a shot, be patient, and see what happens. But if they're not giving it a serious effort even after months and may attempts on your part, healing really is a futile project, and the best thing you can likely do is to distance yourself, potentially through separation/divorce.
I think I have to find a way to leave as well. All I get is lip service with lots of promises then excuses.
Thank you as always! Happy holidays to you and your family !
Sam, what if in the country you live in such as Mexico. Doesn’t have the resources, life groups or even care about such issues. I would love to do the hard work and seek out men’s groups and do the online courses but we don’t make the money to afford the online courses. I’m not making up excuses because I would really do this if I could. I’ve done the Free online course you offer but that’s where it ends. I’ve done what I can and seemed out what I can through CZcams. I don’t know if that’s enough. Thank you for advice which has gotten me through such a difficult time.
Great information
Thank you Sam.
I said Thank you so many times watching this as a betrayed. We went to a marriage counselor and he lied to her too. So I had him start watching y'all. But he is still lying and hiding things even knowing that I want to stay and work things out. I'm at a loss. I want my marriage to work. I just don't know what to go to save it. Please, any advice would be helpful. And thank you for your honesty and vulnerable videos you post. So glad I found you Samuel. You are very relatable. Thank you.
Ty. Perfect 👌
God bless and heal you and bring you to wholeness ☮️🙏🏼♥️
Thankyou Sam
Does the one betrayed ever feel safe again? Its been 3 years since I found out about the affair, but I'm still skeptical .
What is NOW your relationship to the A P? After all she was part of your life. Have you had any contact wit her? How did you detatch yourself from her? How did you grieve for your loss? Did you or do you miss her? How did you cope being without her? Thank you if you find time to clarify that!
Are you Growing or are you Going? 👤
My unfaithful husband had boudries as in let’s never talk about it. Hehehe