How to Tell if You're Being Manipulated | Therapist Unpacks Colleen Ballinger's Non-Apology
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2023
- This one's a doozy y'all so strap in. It goes without saying that I'm not recapping the situation here because there are lots of folks who've already done that really effectively and because it's straight up too much information for me to cover so if you're not familiar start with one of the recaps below! Instead in today's video we're talking today about manipulation tactics, behavior commonly modeled by abusers, and how to tell if someone is actually making a good apology to you or not!
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“We all make mistakes” when discussing grooming behaviour is disgusting. Sexualising kids us not a normal mistake that anyone can make
No one goes "oops my finger slipped!! I quess I sexted minors... oh well! Everyone makes mistakes." Like that does not happen
Exactly. A mistake is spilling a drink or butt-dialling someone. Setting up groupchats where you sexualise children and coerce them to provide for your personal brand is a calculated action, regardless of whether there were nefarious intentions.
When Hannah Montana said that “everybody makes mistakes” I don’t think that all of Colleen’s individual or collective actions were what she was talking about
As a survivor, it's classic cs abuses mentality. Like sure, destroying someone's life and there future life for your own gratification, is totally a mistake. Un hun.
I think the bigger issue is Colleen doesn’t think her actions aren’t off probably because she was used and abused so we hit a glimpse probably into her childhood experiences. It’s rather dark and sad.
*sits through this annoying, horrible song for about the 10th time because Mickey’s the one analyzing it*
Sameeee. I hate that I’ve heard it so many stupid times but I wanna hear professional thoughts!!!
SAMEE it's also the only way I've been able to watch it because it's too cringe to watch alone lol
Same lol Only clicked because of Mickey, I've skipped over about a dozen others.
whos Mickey? colored girl woke lmao. Colleen is queen!
I’ve watched so many, I just wish I could get rid of the damn song in my head.
Let’s not forget this woman is a parent. She is a PARENT. If this is how she abuses her power to treat young teens and kids, I’m genuinely concerned about what goes on in her home.
shes a great mommy
I mean, she's a mommy blogger so she's already exploiting her children. This is the first time since they've been born they haven't had a camera shoved in their faces.
@@jp8649 Of course she would be a mommy blogger type.
@@lordfreerealestate8302 just as shocking as finding out Stephen Crowder abused his wife...
@@madrasaseries the fact she has photos and videos of their children online and makes money off of that makes her an inherently bad mother
This was a whole message to her minor fans and victims:
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU TOLD ON ME! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS AND YOU WOULD KEEP “OUR” SECRETS. NOW BECAUSE OF YOU “GOSSIPING” ABOUT WHAT I SAID AND DID TO YOU, YOU GOT ME IN BIG TROUBLE.
This is gaslighting and manipulation at its worst. She’s really sick.
You're so right, I didn't pick up on that subtext when I first watched the apology, but that is absolutely what she's doing. So fucked up.
Exactly ! She is just a disgusting person, its crazy how much she got away with for such a long time too. Throw the book at her she needs to be locked up.
@@missjazzyj72 Colleen is queen. Those fake fans totally betrayed her !
Right?! Especially because she has THREE kids!!! You can't tell me that she'd be okay with someone treating HER kids like that- I just don't believe it. I don't think it's dawned on her yet because her kids are still toddlers, but they grow up so fast!!! In just a few short years her babies will be that same age as her victims/fans. How does she not see this???
I worked as a caretaker, both for kids and disabled people who are super vulnerable. The idea of EVER saying 'This is just between us right?' makes me literally gag. Then having the NERVE to guilt them over coming forward... Would she ever want someone bullying or guilting HER childern because 'tHiS wAs JuSt OuR sEcrEt i CaN't BeLiEvE yOu ToLd'? It's such an obvious line that she just pranced right over!!!
@@madrasaseriesarcasm? If not, do you think the screenshots are doctored? The videos from her liveshows are what? AI? Even the videos on her own page are somehow fake?
Hey, Colleen, it's not hard to NOT groom children. You can just...not. You don't send pictures of nudes to literal children to make fun of a person--that is illegal. You do not talk about your own personal grievances WITH A LITERAL CHILD. Everyone, if someone says you're so mature for your age, RUN THE OTHER WAY.
Also if they're trying to gather info on your history of intimacy, it's cause they want to justify the inappropriate behaviour they're planning. Just get away ASAP
If the allegation of her sending someone's nudes to children turns out to hold weight, her reputation and livelihood is potentially and perhaps permanently ruined. If charged and convicted, she will be required to register as a s*x offender and maybe live with it for the rest of her life. Remember kids, your actions can have life-long consequences not just on yourself but for others that you are close with like your spouse and children.
I gotta say, I use "mature" as a compliment, and I don't groom kids...
colleen is queen
@@TheDerpyDeed maybe reconsider that in light of things you are learning.
The video is not meant for adults or older teens, it’s for her child audience. It looks stupid to us, but a child, who doesn’t know what she has done or don't realize it's bad, will eat that shit up. She is grooming once again her fans in this "apology", so they forgive and accept her behavior, and harass her victims who spoke up.
Ooof this makes an uncomfortable amount of sense. Like I had been wondering how anyone was supposed to take her seriously, but that’s probably because her weird juvenile ukulele apology would only make sense to children. So fucking creepy.
......I never realized. Now I think this needs to be talked about more. Way more. She's downplaying manipulating children while manipulating children.
DING DING DING
She actively silences everyone speaking out against her in the comments until only those who are brainwashed can reply. It's very clearly only meant for her child audience to eat up and keep loving her unconditionally.
😳 so scary true
What's absolutely WILD to me is her character's bit is heavily defined by her being probably SA'd by her uncle, and Colleen then saying "I'm not creepy, I'm just like the weird aunt."
Wooooah what a crazy observation
that 'probably' is doing a lot of heavily lifting there
As fucked up as what she did was, I HIGHLY doubt that a fictional character was SA'd by her uncle
@@Idiot_TaylorsVersion are you deliberately misinterpreting what I said? Her Miranda Sings character is depicted as being victimized by her (Miranda Sings') uncle and it's played for laughs. Obviously a fictional character was not SA'd by a real person's uncle. 🙄
Also, "I'm not a groomer; I'm just a loser!" Because confident, socially-skilled, well-adjusted people seek emotional support and companionship from children, um?
glad you clarified that grooming isn't always specifically sexual. lots of people seem to be skimming over the years of unpaid child labor from adam colleen got by dangling prizes over his head and i can't imagine the emotional pain getting that treatment from a "friend" would cause, especially to a kid
What gets me is that a LOT of the texts & group dms were inappropriate in nature some even s3ual too so ya she did that kind too…
Don't you get a strong 'humiliation fetish' vibe?
A lot of people love to diminish what Colleen did by saying that grooming is only sexual in nature. I do not understand how people with such poor understanding of interpersonal abuse will just loudly say things that are incorrect and have no interest in being corrected. Just because you find one particular form of grooming A-Okay because it's not sexual does not make it not what it is, which is grooming. Sorry, have read so many stupid takes about this lately. I understand the stance of "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law" but I find it too hard to believe that so many young people have come forward "for clout" knowing they'd be bombarded with hate messages.
Thank you for highlighting that, I’ve seen lengthy videos not explaining this essential part of the situation and it’s so frustrating to watch unfold
I did so much musical theatre as a kid that I can FEEL the scripted emotion 😮💨 obviously no one really knows, but it feels SO rehearsed. Specifically "crazy, I know" and the rhyming spiral where she suddenly stops herself "remembering" she's on camera. It's just... So icky.
There's a spot in it she checks her notes, so thankfully thats been flagged at the very least.
lmao shes a queen
@@madrasaserieswho?
First time I heard the "crazy, I know" part of the song I genuinely paused bc it sounds like a part of Revenge Party from the Mean Girls Musical where a character, Damien, goes "woah woah woah" in a dipped energy piece of the song 💀
@@madrasaserieswhy?
To call it “rumors and speculation” but then acknowledge the content of those messages and recast it as you being desperate for attention is an amazing attempt at spin and manipulation. It’s not rumors if it happened Colleen.
colleen is queen
"it's not real well actually i did do that but i didn't mean it that way well i did but it wasn't that bad"
@@madrasaserieskeep coping
its the inclusion of "because I made a fart joke" for me. She directly referenced the video and accusations of a victim and attempted to minimize it as a power play. But it revealed that shes FULLY aware of the allegations, that theres video proof. just CONSTANT minimization and rewriting reality.
@@rainestar82 she's been redirecting and minimizing situations since 2020. "I didn't send the underwear to be creepy, I did it because HE kept asking for it" (ignore the fact she offered first, ignore also the fact that Adam was still a 13 yo boy so even if she hadn't it's still weird af to actually send them, do not ignore how she's blaming him for how she acted)
"I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser" don't sell yourself short babe, you can be both ✨❤️🌺🥰🌺❤️✨
Omg thank u for mentioning her facial expressions/body language at the start. I can't get over how furious she looks the whole time. This is definitely- at least to an extent- my cptsd and autistic aversion to eye contact talking, but the parts of the video where she's silent are by far the hardest for me to watch. Her eyes genuinely scare me.
I don’t know if she looks angry to me, but she definitely looks “off”. Like snarky, self-centered, and arrogant. She _really_ thinks she’s doing something 😭
Yeah I could see it in her eyes how furious she was.
Same here. I used to think my 'eye contact issues' were just from my trauma but then ~late diagnosis~ and it added to the explanation. I'm not great with body language- but I know abusers' body language VERY well. I had to learn it for my own safety so I became obsessed.
I know when someone is fuming under the surface and this woman is beyond fuming. I hope she seethes forever tbh, she deserves the misery.
Colleen is a strong queen. Shes teaching all the bullies a lesson!
@@madrasaseriesIs Colleen paying you to drop good comments?? GO AWAY
Another thing that might be kind of nit-picky but still irritates the bejebus outta me is that she seems to think that we are **having fun** discussing someone abusing and grooming and hurting kids. Does she really think this is fun for anyone? For us to discover and realize a super popular figure is a shitty person? That's not fun. No one is having fun. This is awful, and we're talking about it to try and spread awareness. It's not some fun, silly gossip for any of us. Hate that she's implying that we're having fun with any of this.
There are some gossip channels where they are laughing at her, so yes, they are having fun at her expense.
I can imagine her asking her victims as she's abusing them.. "isn't this fun", or "aren't we having fun", "lets have a little fun", or "I was just trying to have some fun"
Looking at her face as she says it makes me feel the same way my abuser did when he told me I was "a good girl" or "who's my good girl" or "a good girl would do what I ask". I don't own a dog because I can't even stand to hear anyone say "good girl".
I'll bet that is why she kept using the phrase, to bring back those gross feelings from a distance.
"I won't survive in the crash, but hey.. at least *youre* having fun"
i don’t know if she really thinks that. by framing people’s intentions this way she gets out of taking responsibility again. what’s there to address if people aren’t mad but just bullying you? nothing. it’s also a guilt trip and deflection
@@grasstastesbad shouldn't we feel bad for stabbing her in her boney little back?
There may also be some “every accusation is an admission” energy going on here. Colleen appears to have long, long history of being a mean girl malicious gossiper. So if she enjoyed hurting others (literally laughing as she body-shamed her supposed friend Trisha’s NSFW content behind her back) she may assume that people are likewise enjoying “hurting her” with allegations of child grooming. Colleen seems to be unaware that no, healthy people actually don’t enjoy hurting others…. Narcissists and abusers however do often get satisfaction from such abuses of power and controlling others…. So as well as being a deflection and minimization tactic, I think Colleen’s “you’re having fun” accusations simply show how own twisted definition of what is fun…. Her “”apology”” video is just a veritable sea of red flags 😂
It feels so good to hear a therapist confirm it WAS indeed grooming. Not to bring other creators/media into this, but I have seen a lot of people minimize the actual impact something like this would have on a teenager. Most of these creators have no business making broad claims like this and have neither formal education, nor all the facts about the situation. I am happy to hear someone who actually understands this topic confirm and validate what the victims are saying.
Her earliest outspoken victim, Adam McIntyre has said that he was so flattered that his favorite CZcamsr was talking to him he didn't tell his parents the extent of it (he was around 13 when it all started) so for her to try to say this is somehow the parents fault (the only place she said "I'm sorry" in her battlecry video) is such bullshit. When she invited him to meet her in Dublin she basically ghosted him the moment she found out his parents were there (he's 14 how the hell else was he supposed to get to a city he didn't live in, Colleen?)... She has always known what she's doing. I'm a new subscriber after watching this one video as im a 42 year old woman who is far too invested in this YT problem.
even if a child's relationship is good with their parents, groomers will go after anyone they want as a target. no matter how strong your bonds are with other people, abusers will try to do anything in their power to isolate you
In Dublin, according to Adam himself, he was running late and Colleen called to see if he was near yet and if his parents were coming too because she was going to order in time for them arriving. She was with her whole road team and had to leave for a sound check. He was 15 at the time and both his parents were in the same city as him. His mother chose not to go with him but stayed down the street, which Adam found out later, while his dad went to book into their hotel. I feel for young Adam, he is absolutely entitled to his truth.
I don't feel for the lynch mob mentality that won't take a breath and let an investigation be done by the proper authorities who would look at the FACTS without arms, legs and emotions added to them.
@@msamuel1964 Quit defending groomers you little creep.
@@jesse3525yea, I've also heard they target kids who are vulnerable, and from what OP said, Colleen ghosted him when she saw Adam's parents around which makes it extra creepy
@@msamuel1964 We don't need emotionless authorities to tell us that touching kids on stage and leading them along manipulative faux-friendships is inappropriate
Contempt! Thank you!!! I’ve said this on a couple videos. Her undisguised contempt for the people criticizing her behavior was startling. CZcams apologies, which are rarely sincere, almost always at least attempt to appear remorseful and accountable. Colleen went 180 the other direction, tossed the mask in the trash and grabbed her ukulele. This was wild!
The thing is that when I see her 2020 apology video my take is that she is angry and defensive the whole way through yet people thought it was a decent apology at the time (also helps that she did the discrediting campaign behind the scenes)
@@amandamandamandsI thought the same. She did at least ATTEMPT to hide it though and it clearly worked for enough people. No one aside from still-obsessed fans could even just see the thumbnail with her holding a ukulele and think "ah yes, here's a woman with deep remorse"
I feel like she was aiming for unbothered this time? Like "look at me, not taking this seriously with my silly little song" but there was practically steam coming outta her ears the entire time.
colleen is queen
@@madrasaseries Sorry I am confused as to which part of her behaviour is Queen worthy, the sending p0orn to minors, the being racist, using minors for both Miranda ideas and to go after detractors, being a fake friend, being abusive to animals.
@@madrasaseries The queen of trash maybe
Child grooming is such an insidious act because it doesn’t just affect a child (which is bad enough on its own) but the ADULT that they grow into. When a child is still learning how the world works and they’re influenced by someone, it changes how they perceive everything and how they base their beliefs in what behavior is acceptable (mainly what type of behavior is acceptable for other people to do around/to them). It’s easier to manipulate a child than an adult and as a result it is much harder for someone to unlearn the programming they developed as a child, or even recognize that it was wrong.
Spot on! I experienced grooming as a teen and it really does impact a person's ability to set boundaries and know when they're being manipulated by someone until it's too late.
What hits me is during her most attacking words, even the ukelele playing speeds up and has a more forceful stroke. The aggression in the music tells a lot.
Nice catch, I wasn't conscious of it until you pointed it out.
My mom told me this week “I believe you are responsible for some of the hurt you feel” in regards to my trauma related to her. She’s also told me a large portion of my heart is because of my perception of her actions, and other people wouldn’t interpret it that way.
Sounds 100% like my mom. If anything, you're probably going lighter on her than others would because her balehavior was normalized for you for a long time, but someone else would be able to immediately say, "That was fucked up." I've had to accept that my mom's parenting style and lack of emotional regulation has been very damaging for me, I am an individual unto myself and not defined by her, and she's a damaged and misguided person who is unlikely to change, but I can love her from afar. It's taken me a long time to get there.
I’ve been heavily manipulated by many people throughout my life and she didn’t even have to open her mouth for me to see what she was trying to do. It’s all about making you feel bad for making her feel bad about making you feel bad- basically, victim blaming. Fun stuff!
I was manipulated in a romantic relationship once and I noticed so much and several similarities (ex isn't a groomer or as bad as Colleen but picked up on DARVO).
Yup! I couldn’t even put it into words but I knew what was going on.
I dated a narcissist and I too knew exactly what was going on as soon as she picked up her ukulele 😭
Colleen's ukelele apology hit so many big, red, emotional buttons for me personally. I was raised by a mother who manipulated me in a similar fashion. How some people cannot see how insanely manipulative her video "apology" is scares me. And yeah, it makes me worry for her children. A lot. They are currently at a cute baby and toddler stage where she's completely in charge. But once those kids begin to assert who and what they are. It may get mentally and emotionally rough for them. By the time I was five or six, my mother began doing and saying things to me that I didn't understand as abuse until I was at university and I saw the faces of the people I would tell my childhood stories to. I'm 52 and STILL dealing with what she did to me!
I just wanted to say I agree wholeheartedly because I went through something similar. Am still going through it. The whole thing about the control, the change when they realise the child can make decisions for themselves and aren't the perfect little doll they can sculpt in their image and have total control over? The manipulation and emotional blackmail and violence that rises when the child isn't acting perfectly, exactly as they expect/want? That's when things get bad. I'm worried too, because I know my mother is not the same person in front of outsiders as she is at home, and with a personality as big (and as inflated) as Colleen's... It's more than a little scary tbvh.
@@averylfong4843 Yeah, Having a mother that was one way with outsiders, and a very, very different person at home always confused me. She was an AMAZINGLY TALENTED teacher, who was highly respected, among her peers and much loved by her students. At a young age I figured out that who she as a teacher, with her students was not what she was like with me. With her students she was endlessly kind, patient, and loving. With me, everything was wrong and love was conditional upon my doing what she wanted, or forced me to do. It was messed up. I will forever be dealing with this cognative dissonense in my mind when thinking of her.
It fucks me up that Colleen is capable of talking about these types of actions (the abuse of minors) through the lens of her own self actualization. 11:25 reads like, “I should have the opportunity to use this issue as a means to grow and be a better person.” It’s so clear that she can’t see beyond herself and the impact of her actions on her own life when the entire issue is the impact she has had on her victims.
luv her
@@madrasaseries You love Colleen because she exploited fans like you and asked for their ass pics despite being 20 years older than them?? Please, do not be fooled by someone so manipulative.
@madrasaseries hope you're not being groomed. That's the only people who would defend this.
@@madrasaseries she doesn't like or know you and never will
@@madrasaseries kid, I’d get out the comment section and avoid people like her, she’s weird mean and would hurt you if she could. Don’t listen or talk to any adult that talks to you about your body in a weird way, especially when it makes you uncomfortable.
Oh thank the gods you are analyzing this horrible song and her abhorrent behavior! Edited to Add: you hit the nail on the head with the analogy to a gaslighting parent who turns the blame back on the child....so true!
colleen is queen
@@madrasaseriesstop
@@madrasaseriesyou are clearly a child so you probably don’t even understand anything thats happening man
This is not Schoolhouse Rock, where we're singing whimsically about Conjunction Junction. This is a serious crime against multiple people who were minors that has damaging effects from her behavior spanning over the course of several years. She manipulated and abused children and forever changed them, from their own abilities to trust in others and themselves to physical and emotional intimacy. Her actions are illegal and immoral and were designed entirely to hurt her victims and benefit her. Singing a mocking song is continuing her manipulation and attempt to change the narrative from the victims to have others shame them, which she has already done in the past.
Colleen deserves to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I am absolutely willing to label her actions as pedophilic and not far from examples you see from previous predators caught on CZcams and online chatrooms. She is manipulative and lacks any remorse for her victims. Like Mickey says, she is contemptuous and furious at being caught and held to action. She does not care nor understand that she has hurt so many people.
And funny thing, there's a reason why virtually every culture throughout history regardless of values has rules against singing joyfully in the midst of other people's grief or trauma. It's because you don't exactly need a psychology degree to see that singing songs that make light of other people's trauma makes the trauma worse.
Colleen is queen, her messaging someone online causes no harm.
I am really annoyed that the song is so catchy. My brain loops catchy songs constantly. So, even if I try to avoid HER I can't.
Are you familiar with the song Crazy Train, by Ozzy Osbourne? That's what she is ripping off.
@@visamanIt doesn't sound anything like Crazy Train.
omg I'm so glad you commented on her using language like "tie me to the tracks" "won't survive in the crash" etc because I found it really upsetting.
Her non apology was a little triggering. As someone who is still healing from a marriage to a narcissist and relationships with his toxic family her manipulation was all too familiar. Thank you for acknowledgment of trying to understand why people are hurt in order to save the relationship was very empowering.
I’m so sorry you went through that. F him and I hope things get better for you. Shitty marriage is a horrible thing to have to deal with.
I hope you find health and true happiness. Spent 7yrs with one.
You know it’s bad when Mickey makes a video on it.
Unless it's Dr Pepper from 6 different takeaway places
@@marlyd it depends which takeaways they were bought from, of course
Exactly!
Personally I was more surprised to see someone like Trisha Paytas giving an actual good response on why her behavior is problematic...
And while I only heard about Trisha through channels who talked about her (I think geolocation targeted material on CZcams is very much a thing which is why I never heard about her probably) and saw some of the things she said in the past, it was comforting to see her having found at least some peace, and speaking out eloquently about what was happening and how bad that is.
For me I was more convinced that it is really, really bad if someone like Trisha is now capable of holding the moral high ground in a situation and talk about what is happening.
(I personally felt uncomfortable when I noticed how much she was apologizing something that Colleen did because it was obviously not her fault)
@@marlydI disagree. Dr. Pepper is awful 😋😂
“Talk to your safe adults” is one of my favorite things I’ve heard on CZcams. Thank you for that quote. That’s such sage advice. ❤
the things is also, she literally clarifies multiple times that this is *NOT* an apology.
I appreciate the way you put things on an "at best" and "at worst" scale. It really suits the way I try to understand things.
You hit every nail on the head. Honestly as someone who was raised by childish people who don't know how to take accountability and will shift blame and gaslight when asked to, her """apology""" really upsets me.
I also want to note her song reminds me of one of those children's PSAs about anti-bullying or some other kind of education, which shows me she knows a lot of her audience is children and this is her way of manipulating them - by trying to treat it like an education PSA of "oh this is what NOT to do" which is extremely horrific when the topic is coming forward about grooming. She's essentially grooming about grooming.
Omg Grooming about grooming. that's only one of about a thousand things that repulse me about her, but this is the #1 effed up thing about this " " " " a P o L o G y " " " " and there aren't enough ways for me to frame that word to show it's basically the exact opposite of an apology EVER D:
The only thing she groomed is tWo PeRsIaN cAtS ~(;-;)~
Same here. I hope you are able to find people that will give you the space to express your perspective for collective growth to be possible
@@lindyloohooThat line was certainly... a choice... given her friendship with Shane 😬
I feel you there. I'm so glad my mother was a regular narcissist and not a ukulele narcissists though, ngl (I have to joke about this or I will completely lose it)
LOVE the new setup, LOVE the hair! LOVE your channel all around, and thank you for covering this clusterflock of an apology video
I've had to watch this like 3 times because I'm so busy staring at that AMAZING hair! I'm so jealous! 💕
Agree, the hair is magical
I also love her hair too! Mickey is so gorgeous!
I second all of this! 👏🏼
Her video was DARVO: The Musical. That was my first thought when she pulled out the ukulele and started with the whole “I was told I shouldn’t talk about it, so I will sing!” And then the whole “toxic gossip train” thing. Nuh-uh, if you groom minors, you deserve to be called out and people being made aware of what you do so others can keep their kids safe by keeping them away from you. She’s not holding accountability, she is making herself the victim. How about her actual victims who are harassed and SWATted by her obsessive fans?
Omggg Darvo the Musical is a perfect title!!!!! 😂
I’m sorry, people were SWATTED?! Wtf?!
@@missmalaphor5786 Toxic fan culture can be really toxic, after all…
@@leora_in_london Feel free to use
Glad that you're not framing this as an "apology video." People's insistence on labelling it as such honestly minimises how malicious Colleen's actions in making this video are by insinuating that she's just being tone deaf.
This ukulele song reads to me as rage bait to a certain degree, and it absolutely is an attempt to weaponise her position as an influencer to bash on people she's victimised. That's a little worse than someone making a misguided apology, methinks.
it's bc its set up like an apology video and many yt apology videos are also shit that don't take real responsibility. so under that umbrella, it is indeed a typical yt apology video, but with a song instead of fake sighs or dogs
@@Sputterbugz other YT apologies at least _pretend_ to be accountable for wrongdoing. Colleen spent the entire 10 minutes pointing the finger at everyone else and insisting that nothing was true.
As someone who had NO IDEA who Coleen was until this happened this entire situation is hard to digest and follow - there is just so much that keeps coming up and it’s almost hard for my brain to keep all the info. But also, I noticed that hearing her song for the first time without much of the context I almost felt like I was in the wrong and she was in the right… (for an imaginary issue) like I felt like being a child and feeling ashamed for “twisting the situation” the way she’s displaying… wild… I might need to call my therapist.
and then you learn colleen has 3 kids of her own and it's just... bleak
colleen is queen how do you not watch her
@@madrasaserieswell, for me, I am a grown up.
Same here! I thought i was the only one- I heard the reactions before the video. So I knew she was wrong but didn't fully understand why. so I'm so glad this video was made bc damn I'm a whole adult and I still can't detect manipulation well
I felt that way too and i didn't know a lot either, but let tell you that i actually kinda felt sorry for her before realizing what she was doing and what happened. the video is using more manipulation methods all at once and without context, you'll feel like your in the wrong.
Colleen’s facial expressions remind me so much of Shane Dawson’s. They both have that exaggerated “feel sorry for me” face.
Yes the theater kid puppy dog eyes!
I honestly knew nothing about Colleen before she posted her non-apology. I vaguely remembered seeing the Miranda Sings character years ago in a late night show (can’t remember which Jimmy) but I never engaged in her content as it didn’t appeal to me (Colleen is close to my age).
Her apology and commentary on it were EVERYWHERE so I was curious to watch the video itself instead of watching the commentary on it without knowing any context. Knowing nothing about what she did beforehand, I still came out of her non apology video thinking she was guilty because it was such a manipulative video she made. Yikes. The way I gasped when she pulled out that ukulele. 😮
“I want out of this time line.” Girl SAME
Yep the contempt she has for the audience is the first thing I noticed too! She sang to us like we were stupid 🙄 Not a great way to “apologize” and have us on her side
Do you think her young followers would see it like that? I'm having a hard time imagining how this would play if you were 10, or 12, or 14.
The part where she mentions being stabbed in her "boney little back" is the most blatant "poor me" manipulation in the whole song. Like how could you hurt such a fragile, small thing like me, how can i possibly hurt anyone being so weak and tiny, I couldn't possibly assert power over a child 🙄
She looks small enough for me to pick her up and throw her into prison. Perfect.
Another layer to it is that people have commented on her past videos having body checking and other subtle ED... dogwhistles (for lack of a better term, I haven't fully woken up yet lol) and so the "boney little back" feels like a backhanded reference to that.
What's hilarious about the being so fragile and too small to possibly hurt a child is that I've been incredibly sick for three years and limited in what I can do... I can still tickle fight my incredibly healthy 8 year old and keep her from rolling off the couch. So like... it's a lie.
Colleen reminds me a lot of my dad's father who s*xually harassed me and for some reason it makes that trauma hit harder. She is manipulative in the exact way he is. He always said he didn't do anything wrong yet in the same breath would say stuff like "I did it because it's in your best interest." He literally told me once after I begged him to stop touching me that I needed to get used to it for my future husband because "your future husband won't feel loved." My dad's father shows no remorse for anything and neither does Colleen. I thought for years my dad's father's behavior was normal. It's not. And Colleen definitely shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior. My dad's father is a terrible person but Colleen is even worse of a person.
Sending you love. You are so strong ❤
"Like sorry you guys haven't groomed children the entire 15 years of your career and made millions off it!! Sorry I'm not PERFECT" is what Colleen was trying to say..
probably the scariest thing is the amount of adults defending her, which means a lot of grown people out there think this behavior with minors is totally fine.. :(
Hey Mickey! I was only 7 minutes in, and my jaw dropped when you made that analogy about what she’s doing is similar to when parents (or other people you’re related to) basically gaslight you into thinking you should be ashamed for telling them what they’re doing it’s wrong. I experienced that with both of my parents for YEARS and I never thought of it as gaslighting. I genuinely thought I messed up by making them feel uncomfortable. And I was in a 2 year long relationship where I lived this almost on a daily basis. And saying that it’s human to feel “attacked” when confronted, but it’s not right when you allow it to take the driver’s seat all the time and how that is something we should see as a red flag REALLY hit me hard (in a good way). So I really appreciate that you said it, because I always thought of what my boyfriend was doing as just denial, not as a calculated attempt of making me feel bad for speaking up. You’re so honest and have no filter when it comes to calling out bullshit and I love it. Definitely will come back to hear more of what you have to say ❤
Well and even if it is denial, and I think sometimes it is although I don't know your particular situation, it still has a harmful impact and them feeling bad and defensive about their actions isn't on you for pointing out where they were wrong.
I hope you find/have found some supportive people that feel safe and loved. You deserve it.
(I'm sure you weren't doing this, but someone could also point at every little thing as wrong even when it isn't to destroy another's self confidence. Just saying in case such a person is reading this so they don't feel like it's an endorsement for them to continue, or in case a victim of such a thing is reading this so they don't feel invalidated.)
This is why we are here in the end. ❤
Yeah my dad becomes angry and contemptuous and calls me "critical" whenever I mention my experience of the harmful impact of his words... his actions... anger, contempt, distrust, belittlement etc.
It feels bad, his prioritizing protecting his ego and avoiding what boils down to *the annoyance* of having to think about harm he has caused > caring about his impact and my feelings, experience and wellbeing. This part was incidentally validating for me too. And he's more than willing to leverage his privilege and use intimidation and coercive tactics to silence me for attempting to say anything that makes him feel less comfortable and pleased with himself than he seems to think he is entitled to feel no matter what.
@@zekec6088 im sorry you had to go through that too. It does really hurt when instead of seeing as an opportunity to grow in a VERY specific aspect, they see it as criticism of everything they do. Which it isn’t at all. If I tell you that you’re doing something wrong is because I know for a fact that you’re capable of doing better. If I didn’t believe that you could, I wouldn’t waste my time telling you. But people gonna be people always. Stay strong 💪🏻
Watching videos exposing this woman is so cathartic, since my ex had molested kids (before I met him. I found out later, broke up with him, felt alone and pitied him, came crawling back) and coerced me into sex in situations where I wasn't comfortable (like in his abusive grandma's house, in parking lots, etc). Some of the things she says remind me of him, so I find it so satisfying to listen to these reaction videos. In my mind, it's like the internet is unifying against not only her, but all predators and manipulators. This "train" isn't chugging along just for the sake her victims, but for the victims of all sexual assault. I'm loving every second of it, because people should not be allowed to escape their actions. I do believe that people can change for the better if they genuinely want to and if they actually feel remorse and have empathy for the people they hurt. People like Colleen, however, are not among that number, and deserve to be shunned by the public for their horrendous actions.
In short, great video, as usual!
I’m sorry for what you experienced. You are brave to be vulnerable and share. Good luck on your journey ❤
you sound like a bad gf
Sorry if I’m misreading this but you’re saying you got back with him after you knew he was a child molester because you felt alone and pitied him?
@@batacumba Uh, sadly, you are not misreading it. We were both teenagers at the time (it doesn't make it any better, I'm just saying that I was unexperienced in life), and it was against my better judgement. I pitied him because he had a difficult home life and I felt that I shouldn't abandon him, having felt abandoned before myself. I thought I saw some humanity in him and I saw potential for a good person in him. Even when I was with him, I made it clear that I despise his past actions and that I wanted to be with the best version of him, someone who had changed for the better. Obviously, my faith in him was misplaced and I should have just left him. Just knowing that I got back together with him makes me feel somewhat guilty.
@@mirrortarget5729 I didn’t realize you were both teenagers, that’s scary for him that he was doing that stuff so young but it explains why you went back to him. He sounds like he knew how to manipulate people and get sympathy. I’m sorry you went through that.
Honestly, while I love your pop culture commentary (and I do), this is exactly the kind of nonsense I want to see taken apart by someone with the academic and professional backing. We can leave the 'youtube drama' in the dust but what she's been accused of are actual crimes.
For me, the way k would want someone to explain their intent is to say, “in the moment I was thinking blank, but I didn’t think about blank” because it shows me why they did what they did in the moment but still acknowledges the fact that they made a mistake and the hurt that mistake caused. That’s just me, some people aren’t gonna want to hear any talk about intent in an apology.
Yeah, for me, with people I trust, it is a way of talking over where things went wrong and how to do better in the future. But if all it is is "well I didn't MEAN to hurt you, so you should get over it" that's a different story.
Honestly I don't even really mind "I'm not a bad person" IF it's from someone that also acknowledges they hurt someone and don't expect (hope for, sure, but not expect) forgiveness just because they've recognized they were wrong. Most people don't want to be bad people, and in my experience recognizing that somebody is more than their bad actions can do a lot to support someone who wants to be better. Which IMO improves society, although not everyone can or should be that support person or is safe doing so.
If it's me that they hurt it's a little different though, because either things are still fresh so it feels dismissive, like I need to comfort them even though they hurt me, or they're bringing it up after we supposedly resolved it in which case they should know I don't think they are and we don't need to rehash it. (And in this case, where she's using it to be dismissive AND addressing her victims along with everybody else... yeah, no.)
I don’t understand the “clout” argument when it comes to people coming forward with allegations of harm by a public person (like with Colleen or Till Lindemann from Rammstein). I think many people experience shame about being a victim and coming forward can be an incredibly vulnerable experience. The victims know they can expect negative reactions and outright attacks from supporters of the public figure. Who would want to subject themselves to that for some minuscule bragging rights?
TRUE. Especially when abusers say the victims that are comig out are lying. Why would they open themselves up to that harassment, and alse why would they open themselves up to possible legal issues? Adam McIntyre touched on this at one point, he said something like "why tf would I come out with this just to be harassed and slapped with a defamation lawsuit? I'm gaining nothing from this" I'm paraphrasing but yeah
I think she's doing a move where, because it's the internet, she probably did receive a lot of criticism that was untrue and/or off-base from people who didn't really know what they were talking about, and so there's a layer of deniability where she can pretend she's not being insulting and dismissive to the people she actually harmed but just to those people. But of course it's bullshit because all the people who weren't lying would definitely see this and be mad as hell at the insult-to-injury non-apology.
I sat through that whole song only because I knew Mickey would have a good analysis of what was wrong with all of it. Let's just say that after having my blissful ignorance of Ballinger's existence popped like a balloon, she hasn't done much to convince me not to despise her, including that "apology." Thank you for addressing intent vs. impact.
Same. I developed immediately dislike for her based on her own words and actions. Don't need to get to "believe victims" because she's admitting horrible behaviors
imagine not stanning queen miranda sings
@@madrasaseriesah, hello troll. Having fun replying to everyone? Where do you get the energy?
@@madrasaseriesbe quiet anime pfp
@@madrasaseriesShe’s not a queen, she’s a creep.
I literally just today had a call with my grandma about my abusive dad where she was defending him and the toxic Christianity I grew up around... you said so many things that I needed to hear- thank you so much 🥺🥺
I'm glad you made a video about this. I got sucked into the whole Colleen situation because some aspects of it triggered unpleasant memories of me being a 13-yo and an adult took advantage of my trust. It took me years to admit to myself I was a victim of grooming, and even after therapy, I still partially blame myself for what happened. I'm in my 40s now, and I'm still affected - and it was just a seemingly small thing compared to all of the stories of Colleen's victims.
This song, which I've heard way too many times now, is a slap on the face for the victims. It is beyond me how she thought this was okay. All she needed to do was apologize to her victims, show some compassion and understanding towards their traumas, and be done with it. This song made everything worse, for everyone.
Me too, honestly. But as triggering as this has been for me personally I'm sort of glad it's going so viral because nobody ever talked about how much this shit really fucks you up even if there's no direct SA involved.
Like I was 15 and I was groomed by an 18 year old for about four years before I managed to extricate myself. I'm in my 30s now and I was only just able to fully admit the impact of what happened to me last year. I thought it was like... a me problem. It's not, and I'm still struggling to remind myself of that. I don't want anybody else to go ever have to go through that.
Holy motherforking shirtballs. I just realized why she posted the ukulele video in the first place. If she gets arrested for sending Trisha's nsfw pics to minors, her lawyers can plea for insanity and show her video for evidence. That calculating bench.
I love the 'good place' reference and yes I second you 😂
good place ref!@!!!
😂😂😂😂
Yea I've seen someone else make this theory too on I think one of Adam's videos. That she was trying to portray having mental illness and descending exceedingly far into mental breakdown. Maybe the Internet eating this up is exactly what she (and likely her PR team) actually wanted; so that eventually, people would start to write her off as incapable of taking responsibility for her actions due to factors out of her control and forgiving her.
Huh. That’s actually pretty smart. Damn you Colleen.
The part about “oh I’m just the worst parent” is what my mom has done to me for 32 years. Thank you for validating me.
For me it was my dad, huge barriers up with him.
Yeah I'm going through that exact same thing rn, I remember growing up and watching my mom at young adult functions being so supportive and loving and wondering why she didn't love me (her child) as much as her students.. you aren't alone 🫶🏻❤
@@summer_born_in_winter ❤️
My mom told me if I'm talking negatively about her to a therapist that she hoped I was also telling the therapist all the good things she's done. It's not okay to be shamed for trying to help yourself.
I sincerely appreciate you talking about how abusive parents will say, "I'm the worst parent in the world," when confronted with the damage caused by their abuse, which I've heard you mention in several videos now, because that's exactly what happened in my situation. I then spent years comforting my parent for the trauma they gave me by abusing and neglecting me for all the years prior. Thankfully, I'm realizing that they just aren't who I need and they never will be, because they've chosen not to heal their own trauma. I'm still going to heal and move forward regardless of if they ever understand.
Anyway, I actually don't care about Colleen at all and didn't know about her really before, but there's so much good information in this video and I wanted to thank you for that.
Yep, 100% agree with what you said. I had to come to that same realization with my own parents.
Thanks for making this. I haven’t been able to figure out why this apology makes my blood boil. It’s because my mother used all of the same points about years of childhood abuse. Finally clicked. Love all your content, appreciate you
You take some things too seriously, be a good child.
I don’t know you, and I didn’t ask your opinion. Please take your empty nonsense elsewhere.
and I see you in every comment thread saying colleen is queen. She doesn’t care about you and you shouldn’t spend so much time defending her. Please find a better hobby
@@madrasaseriesstop invalidating ppl and get a life
@@madrasaseries get better bait
She reminds me so much of a close family member, especially that last part where making a mistake doesn’t make you a terrible person because it seems like that’s something she doesn’t understand. Even if I didn’t see all the proof of what she did, I would think she was guilty because of the song alone.
Agreed. There likely wasn't a way to save face here for Colleen but she did worse than I thought possible in telling on herself. She's too used to the kids she's groomed, thinking that this was a good idea in any way. Talk about manipulation station!
I wish to have colleen be my family member, what a queen!
Right?! I knew very little about her before all this, but after watching her 'apology' I fell down the rabbit hole. She just screams 'What- you can't hold ME accountable for anything!! Even IF I did do something wrong so what? I'm so above this.'
It actually reminds me alot of Donald Trump- just this fury at even the idea that her actions might have consquences. It reeks of guilt without the burden of having to feel guilty if that makes sense. Like 'Ya, I did it- but so what? YOU are the bad person for daring to call me on it'.
Can you imagine her when she has to get a real job now...? How do people this entitled even function in normal situations?
@@lorianabanana6066 People like that function best when everyone else is unwittingly recruited to be their punching bag either literally or figuratively. They live in a completely different reality, and as far they're concerned, other people just exist like NPCs in a game.
@@AeriaGl0ris So true. It makes me wonder what kind of charmed life they must live. I bet this is the first time she has ever REALLY faced consquences for her actions. Hence the weird anger from her. How DARE she be held accountable lol.
for me, it’s the fact that she WROTE A WHOLE FUCKING SONG. she wrote the lyrics, created melodies & harmonies, rehearsed it, and probably recorded it multiple times. and then before posting it, she thought “yeah, this is the decision i’m making.” there’s no getting off the hook for accidentally posting a bad apology video while she was in the heat of the moment. this was premeditated.
Oh it's worse than that; she has since put the song up for sale.
As someone who was groomed by people in my personal life and had a similar situation happen, this whole situation with Colleen was so triggering.
Thank you for covering this! ❤
From one survivor to another: please remember to take care of yourself and don't watch too much on it if it's getting to you 💕
@@sourgreendolly7685 What did you survive? Some people out there are real survivors of wars & diseases.
@@madrasaseriesare you at least getting paid for commenting here? Like, what are you getting out of this?
@@alejajm1666right, this account is very new and is just spamming comments on this video
@@TheGallantDrakeI think its a bot account of Colleen the ‘cat’ groomer
I don't see why people keep calling it am apology video. She didn't apologize. she was expressing how upset she is about that situation.
Also thank you for addressing intent. Some individuals will weaponize intent and try to paint you as crazy.
i...needed to hear this... there's someone who whenever i say they hurt me, they go on about their intentions and say im lying about their thoughts and assuming they're a terrible person, for the longest time i thought i was genuinely delusional and paranoid because of this, and would avoid talking about when others hurt my feelings because i thought my own mind couldn't be trusted, i didn't know why i was in so much emotional pain...
i have an appointment with my therapist next week (it's been a while) so im definitely going to discuss this, even tho it'll probably be painful to have to surface these thoughts...
You're not alone and your feelings are completely valid! I'm in a similar situation in my current relationship. He manipulates and gaslights me as well as dismisses my feelings/concerns and his toxic behavior and shifts blame onto ME and REFUSES to take ANY accountability for his terrible behavior. It's beyond frustrating and it's like a never ending cycle! Sending you love and hugs!
@@hwoods-kg1jf thank you, I really hope you can get out of that situation soon, sending you love as well ♥️
That phrasing you used about how some people respond to being held accountable by "steamrolling their reality over everyone else's" perfectly describes something that's been bothering me about this. Colleen says she wants to only focus on the facts, but then basically agrees that she did all the stuff everyone said she did and the "facts" she presents are just her own opinion about her behavior. Like, "Yes I sent those messages but you're wrong to think it was creepy or I'm a bad person for doing that." "Yes I did those things but the kids involved are wrong to be traumatized by it." That's her whole argument. She talks about gaps in the story, lies, and rumors in the lyrics of her song but then she literally can't point out a single lie or gap in the story.
The only time she refutes anything is when she says she changed her behavior years ago and took accountability, which is a lie. In reality, she's been engineering a hate campaign against one of her victims to keep him quiet for years now, so the opposite of taking accountability, and she never changed her behavior -- she was still in group chats with minors up until very recently.
Regardless of whether she meant to send those messages and pictures to children or do weird stuff with them at her live shows "in a creepy way," it was textbook grooming behavior and she's doing everything in her power to minimize that. If she actually wanted to take accountability, she would acknowledge that her behavior WAS creepy regardless of her intentions instead of trying to pretend that sexualizing children is normal "quirky aunt" stuff.
Yet another one of the CZcamsrs I used to watch when I was a child being outed as an abuser. It freaks me out that I, and other children, were watching people like her in the masses. Her miranda sings videos were huge!
I had a friend admit to gossiping about me and faking being my friend the whole time. Then that lead to her having my other friend admit to hating me the whole 2 years. I was absolutely destroyed cause I told that friend everything. She knew my deepest trauma. I almost got matching tattoos with her!
A week later, she texts me a big long message basically saying, "hey I didnt mean to hurt you, I wanted to be the bigger person. Let me know if you need anything and I'll be here for you." I didn't reply. The next day at work, we were standing next to eachother working in silence. Then she said, "so we good now?"
Heck no. She made me paranoid, gave me a whole new level of trust issues, literally told me that nobody likes me, then she thinks we're good after she sends me a text that didn't say sorry once? She tried inviting me to coffee as well, but I had to decline. Maybe she is sorry, and I forgive her. But because of how she damaged me, I don't want to risk getting hurt all over again by being her friend.
Rename them in your phone to “don’t answer” 😂
@@RachelAmmons nah man, I already blocked and deleted her contact 😂😅
I recommend watching Ryan Beard's amazing and a bit too on-the-nose "parody" of her song. It's honestly incredible and hilarious while still being a good call-out of the manipulation tactics she used.
I love Ryan Beard, I tell all my friends and family they have to support them since they're a local artist now. I'm not 100% certain they are local, but their gf has a local accent so that's my excuse.
Yessss that was the first analysis of this video that I saw and it was so good
I love the ai Mr Krabs or Plankton covers. They are fire.
My mom would always do the same thing, mine or my sisters feeling never mattered, I do think she's a covert narcissist, never sticks to one job because she's "undervalued", switches therapists because they call her out on her traumatizing us. I cut her and my dad out of my life when her and my dad literally ambushed me at my sisters house while I was visiting, corned me in a room, telling me she apologized, I "just needed to listen" then said she did nothing wrong, guilt tripped me and when that didn't work she said "fuck her, she's not listening- I aleady apologized" and left with my flying monkey of a dad. I haven't seen them in almost two yeas, I feel better everyday
When I first saw her "apology" I was hoping you would cover it. Intellectually, I wanted to know your analysis. But you didn't just give me what I wanted, you gave me what I needed. I'm still working through being raised by people who treated me and all my emotions as burdens and put me in the position of comforting them. I'm getting better but I have realized that those relationships not only effected how I see myself but that I build them into my masking (late diagnosed autistic). My friend calls me a "validation machine" Thank you as always for your insight and compassion. ❤
Fellow late-diagnosed autistic adult here. This comment is spot-on! I too turned into a "validation machine" and am just now getting around to working on not doing that anymore. It's SCARY sometimes, but worth it!
I just wonder how her victims are doing with this cause if the people who victimized me in that way did *anything* like this I would blow up. I really hope they’re doing okay and surrounded with genuine love and effective support.
ETA: The aunt comparison was interesting since a lot of CSA/ grooming is perpetrated by family. You are very kind and validating. I very much appreciate your factual delivery and compassion. You’re the kind of person that gives me hope. 🧡
Some of them made hi. parody response videos. They're pretty great.
“Safe people.” What a concept. Wish I had a safe person to talk to.
Oh same here! It’s such a foreign concept to me.
I have quiet BPD and often find i get very defensive when my partner brings up how i hurt them, so I actually was able to learn a lot from this video. Intention vs Impact was a very valuable section for me. Yes, I didn't mean to hurt him but I still did regardless of what the desired outcome was. It was also very helpful to be introduced to the mindset that he is mentioning these things because he loves me and wants to repair our relationship.
Omg I literally got a chill when you voiced a hypothetical defensive parent.
When I confronted my mom about how damaging it was to use the gravity of my dad’s death in her disciplinary lectures all throughout my childhood starting from when I was like 4, she FLIPPED OUT and verbatim sarcastically said “You’re right. I should have never told you ANYTHING about your father. I just shouldn’t have ever even mentioned him to you.”
Context: growing up, the foundational disciplinary lecture I would get would follow this basic script stretched out from several minutes sometimes up to several hours: Your father’s life was TAKEN from him. He doesn’t get to live anymore, but YOU DO. You still have a life. You still get to be here! You owe it to him to live for the years that were stolen from him and you owe it to him to be someone he would be proud to call his son!”
As the years went on this became exceedingly hurtful because I’m gay and learned by the time I reached my teen years that that would have been a huge problem for my dad who was very conservative and Catholic.
I didn’t pursue the issue further, but I didn’t yield either. Because I told her she’s taking something that genuinely hurt me and turning into an all encompassing extreme. It’s like I’m not saying it hurt me to see his old photo albums or hear stories about his Air Force academy years. I’m saying it f*cking hurt me to use the gravity of his horrific death to discipline me starting at the age of 4.
It’s honestly still such a trigger for me even at the age of 28 that I started crying halfway through this comment. And I’ve just accepted I’m never going to get the closure I want and we do better having a more superficial relationship.
i'm so sorry, friend. what a cruel thing to do to someone grieving and exploring their identity. nothing stings like your own parent weaponizing your pain against you. from a fellow gay man from an abusive household, i hope you're able to heal and thrive fully, with or without your mother in your life.
How awful. ❤❤❤
I don’t know when you redid this corner, but I LOVE it!
I had always gotten the ick from her…never enjoyed her content or personas. Hearing all the horrible things coming out is so sad. Her coming out with this garbage is disgusting.
After the lawyer, now it's the therapist. I love professional review of this song.
I’ve learned over the years (59 but I ain’t no Boomer), that it truly is better to be alone than in an abusive, neglectful or unfulfilling relationship. For some of us, when we’re alone it feels wrong and like we’ll always be alone. Not true! This is when we examine ourselves, find the thing that made it ok for us to put up w that crap last time. If you do this, I promise the next relationship (which will come) will be better. Good luck, my lovelies!
I had ro re-listen to your explanation of the "I'm a terrible person" line that abusers take that leads directly to us minimizing our own hurt because it explains SO MUCH for me. I never, ever want people to hurt because of something I say, but I also shouldn't be coddling the person who harmed me. Thank you for that!
As a European, the strange part for me is that North Americans demonize drag queens and queer people, accusing them of sexualizing kids. However, when you observe content creators like Colleen being excessively sexual to their children, it seems that no one finds it problematic.
@@amandak.4246 queer people and drag queens aren't sexual by their mere presence. That's nonsense made up to demonise them.
Omg idk what you did to your setup exactly but i like this it looks really good
I wish I could find a therapist like you. The part whre you talk about how to disect our feelings and not letting them invalidate others, even without intending to, can cause harm is something I really want to talk about with someone. What you said was very helpful!! Thank you
What terrifies me the most about this song is that there are people who believe that she was wronged and say that you can tell how upset and genuine she is through it.
Just on the face of it that confuses me because she says that she didn't do anything wrong and also that everyone makes mistakes.
I have seen about 6 different takes from 6 different CZcamsrs so far and I'm 100% ready for take number 7! Also that outfit looks like 🔥🔥🔥
As an autistic person I find discussing intent to be really useful on both sides. I totally get that intent doesn't change the outcome but sometime I don't understand when people won't take my reason for an action as just a fact and not an excuse. Just feel like there's something interesting there when it comes to a neurodivergent perspective.
I think the intent can be explained while you apologize. Put it as a squirt of mustard on the burger of the apology and repair. Nobody wants just mustard, just like people don't react well to receiving just the intent. But you miss it if it isn't there.
One thing that I find helpful is to explain it like, "I was trying to do something good by doing x, but it all went very different than I meant it to, and it hurt you. It's so obvious now that x was a bad choice, and I'm sorry. I wish I'd done y instead" So, it's clear that I'm not making an excuse, but it's also opening up about my motives and that I am very sorry about my poor choices that were made out of ignorance or misjudged ideas, while reassuring the other person that it didn't come from malice.
I can relate
every CZcamsr I watch is talking about this and I’m here for it.
In my experience, whenever someone mentions "intent," especially when it's followed by a lack of care or empathy, it is usually being used as a subtle form of deflection, rather than minimalization. "I didn't mean it that way" often translates to "it isn't my fault that YOU mistook my words or actions and got upset over it."
I wish you had addressed her "bony little back" moment which made me physically ill but t's a whole can of worms.
Your hair!!! In love!! 💜💜🤘🏽
She’s talented, I cannot deny. But you put your finger right on the “How dare you attack me like this?!” energy!
When you get musicologists, lawyers, licensed therapists, drama enthusiasts, random streamers and more all on one thing .. that's terrifying. It's why I keep watching videos related to this
i've found that i and the people around me often try to over-explain intent because we often feel misunderstood and if they just /understood/ they wouldnt be upset, but the steps i have to take is that if i start centering my need to be understood over their need to be understood, im doing the apology wrong and always try to center their thought and feelings. i will explain intent only if i think it will help their hurt not for my own needs.
When it comes to intent, I will mention it under certain circumstances. If my intent was to help someone or make them feel better, and I screw it up somehow, I ask how I can do the thing I was intending to do in the first place. Its not about being dismissive or playing the pity party card, its about course correction, if that makes sense.
Sure, but that isn't remotely what's going on here. 'I never had bad intent while taking advantage of you, so you can't be upset with me, because now I feel like garbage for insulting you' is very different from 'sorry, I tried to come up with a way to comfort you, but I see I didn't manage - can I do anything for you to make up for that?'
Here we go 🎉
All aboard
This would make a great song in a musical about a manipulative person lol
when i saw the "trans people belong here" sign it felt like i released tension i didn't even know i had. it made me feel so safe and seen. thank you
I agree that her "song" is definitely a non apology. I'm more under the impression the intent was more like trying to call out people for shit talking. Ignoring all actual facts and saying she is being accountable with out taking actual accountability.
Oh and when you brought up all the money has made. Her latest video has 10m views as of today. But she sings about others cashing out over all of this.
I actually appreciate this so much. The first time I heard this song, I believed Colleen, because I'm used to hearing this kind of rhetoric from my own parents. Not only does this help me to understand Colleen's true intentions, but now I can tell better when my own parents are manipulating me.
:( i hope your situation improves soon
@@gargles5270 thanks 🙏🏻
I found your video to be slightly triggering. Not in a bad way though, it’s making me realize that Colleen is EXACTLY how my mother talks. Some stuff you mentioned about manipulation is very familiar in my household, and when you say some behavior is abusive that I never considered to be abusive it makes me shake. Thank you so much for making this video, this is the best Colleen video I have ever seen. You seem to take the situation very seriously rather than the people who just make sh!t posts about her.
Your hair looks amazing! Your outfit looks like it's really cute too! Love the new background. I feel like you've been becoming more yourself lately and I'm here for it.
I'd like to see her try this ukulele song trick in a police interrogation.
I loved this sm! The comments u made about her acting sort of like a disappointed parent and triggering feelings of guilt and shame with the glare of contempt at the beginning was so spot on.
I will continue to shout that allegations of grooming minors is NOT gossip. Its an extremely serious topic that has very real repercussions.
THANK YOU for talking about her body language! It’s something I kept noticing throughout her video and I was wishing someone would talk about it!