Would you 'marry down'? | We should all have 'planned kids' | The Unpopular Opinion UG
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- čas přidán 14. 06. 2024
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This episode is so funny because I remember when my husband and I bought this gas cooker and we were seated on the floor reading the manual. He went like, “It’s always good to marry a villager like you because you can figure things out together 😂😂😂😂imagine if I had married a girl that knew these things.”😂😂😂 that’s how they called me a villager in jokes.
😂😂😂😂❤❤❤
Nantu two villagers figuring out the gas cooker. I love this 😂
Ooh my goodness 😂😂
😂😂😂😂
I really love this. Growing TOGETHER is beautiful.
Thank you ladies for such an enriching conversation. As a person who is happily cross culturally married 12years and counting - raised in a well to do ankole home. . and had to be confronted with west african culture. . . I can only say that marrying character should be the goal.
My husband and I do not live in either one of our countries of origin - so no family drama or discussions about class etc. .
While in Uganda i used to feel rich because of the prominence of my family at the time but then I married a black man who could ski, skate, play multiple music instruments and speak several international languages. . . Suddenly my Ugandan wealth did not measure up. Discussions about tribes only served to expose my narrow mindedness and lack of exposure despite me having been well travelled - my munyakore mind had a lot of catching up to do.
What mattered was my character, emotional, social, and adaptability quotient.
I also realised that having been raised by wealthy parents did not mean that one understood money, how to generate it and later on how to multiply it. A showy lifestyle does not necessarily make you rich.
My husband lives such a healthy life style that i figured out that the bacon and sausages I thought were for the rich were actually unhealthy fat lodging on our intestines and killing us slowly / triggering so many avoidable diseases. People who eat beans, and insects are so much better off than those eating meat everyday. The science proves it.
So at times what we call rich is ignorance and will kill us if left unchecked. I am for people leaving their comfort zones - it wont kill you - it will only serve to stretch you and evolve you into a better human being.
I loved your comment. I too learned from living out here that the importance we put on certain things to define "well to do" were not it and also not a measure of "class" and values. Italians with the most money in Milan will ride around town on bicycles because it's a quick way to move around while my Ugandan self will think they're broke because they're not in a luxurious car.
When people talk about marrying down it basically refers to money. But marrying down for me also means marrying bad mannered people, marrying emotionally immature people, marrying selfish people and the list goes on. While I would want my daughter to marry well because who doesn't want a life of abundance and comfort, LOL, it is more important for me that she marries a good person, a person who will cater to her emotional needs, a person who will unselfishly love her, a person who will make her feel safe and secure, an emotionally aware human and well, she can make her own money. Actually, the goal is that first, she has her own money and then marry well.
Pin this comment !!
This is such in insightful view .Really opened my eyes .Thanks for this take
You are right dear
Well said…
A much needed conversation.. But I will start by saying that a lack of money isn't a lack of love.. Some people are from families that struggled but are full of sooo much love.. "And some people are so poor, money is all they have.."
well said
You are soooooo right ✅
Spot on!
Okay, so basically, there's this whole thing about lifestyle and values, and they often get mixed up. Values aren't necessarily tied to money, although money can definitely affect them in some ways. But I think values are more like things we learn and pass on to our kids. Marrying someone with less money can be a whole different story. You might have the same values but different financial situations, or you might have similar finances but different values. -- in a nutshell: Life values, also known as core values, are fundamental beliefs that guide how people live, work, and behave. They can help people differentiate between right and wrong, and influence their relationships, behaviors, and everyday life.
You echoed my view. Cringed a bit when I heard the conflation of values and so many other things. Also the assumption that money equals love couldn't be further from reality.
Very very well put. Often the these aspects get mixed up. And we should be careful not to assume one's values, etiquette etc based on their tax bracket or the wealth they grew up in.
A common misconception is that alll children from wealthy back grounds receive an abundance of love from parents aswell. No so many messed up and traumatized children from affluent homes what happens inside those gates is crazy little girl has it all good schools, gadgets, shopping spree’s but maybe Dad was never there emotionally unavailable. Or both Mum and Dad were there busy working. Family Counselors can attest to this.
You have spoken the truth.
The poor kids receive more love because of available parents, just that they never realize.
Marrying down, marrying up… hhmmm… while you are here saying that you can’t marry down, someone is saying they can’t marry you because they will be marrying down😂😂😂
You knowwwwww
Kyikaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
There are levels to these things 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uuuhmm.
All in all, marry a kind partner,, the rest we shall Google,, you'll be from a rich family and marry your class but if s/he isn't kind,, you won't love it,,, you'll always sleep on different floors of that beautiful mansion 😂
And this is the comment🎉
This is the comment I was looking for.
Kindness in marriage is key. Money without kindness you will never enjoy it. A person who is not kind can age in just a year into the marriage.
Wama the rest we shall google. All we need are kind partners
Prim is no longer the vibrant person we uses to have, she has less word's! Hmmmmm
😢
Hahaha maybe just this episode. I also want to listen to my co hosts. Xox
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂She is evolving. She does more listening with a serious face these days. Which is okay 😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is so true😂
After being married to a white man for over 10 years, I understand more than ever why many cultures are firm on marrying your own. So many layers of how and where you have been raised play a part in how you show up in any relationship. That being said, I also believe it's this mingling and diversity that is helping us grow, be more self aware and do better. If you grow up in a toxic culture and married within that same circle you are prolonging a generation of toxicity no?
Funny how the marrying from your culture starts to make more sense as you age. Our parents were onto something.
Banange Prim, Supa Strikers is not a bed time story dear lol!!!!
The discussion on values also isn't about marrying up or down.. Or even marrying within your tax bracket.. Bad manners and a lack of values are everywhere...
While we want to pretend that love is enough, it's not. There are extremes of poverty and abundance. Many times coming from one extreme and marrying the opposite extreme doesn't end well. Relationships are already hard, that just brings more issues to deal with. I always say (especially to men) touch where you can reach so that you're not out here crying that your partner is a gold digger when they are just living what is basic to them.
girls tell the young ones... backgrounds do matter...different backgrounds cause tension in marriages
This random segway 😂😂😂😂
Prim, I felt you on that negative comment from the sister of the guy.
You will be perfect for the right family. ❤
My sister told her sister in law that she too would be someone's sister in law someday, so she needed to treat others well if she wanted to be treated well. She never had a single issue with her sister in law ever again.
I have listened to discussions on the same topic many times....But how you have discussed it (has made me understand it in quite a deeper way)...
Thoughts:
1. Love love love the episode and hearing your thoughts on these issues.
2. This is why prenups and trusts should become the norm. It's not all love out there; it could be for a second, but not forever. Protect yourself, your family, and your assets.
3. While I do truly appreciate the angle with which you approached this conversation (how there are shared values, principles, and culture amongst people in the same classes, income brackets, and tribes and how this can cause conflict when trying to cross over), I also believe that we should (in the same breath) continue to critique these structural differences in relation to our humanity lest we become complacent with bad behaviour. I've also experienced enough people to know that bad behaviour (especially among in-laws and spouses) can be found among the haves and the have-nots. At the end of the day, I also stand by compatibility in values and principles especially if you want to impart specific ones to your children. The parents have to be on the same page.
An abundance of money does not equate to an abundance of love. That’s why so many parents mess it up showered their children material things but we’re never there! Maybe they never affirmed their children. It’s about throwing things at children. Do you listen to them, to value their opinion? Are you friends or your a little to tough, do you value their interests? Are you dismissive? Do you just put them on TV or a tab and let the screen bring them up?
The sound is on point!!!!
Prim 😂😂😂😂 our parents had us in vibes and inshalla 🤣🤣 wild but a very valid point
Money doesn't equate love .just because someone is from a poor background doesn't mean they cant love😢. The biggest thing is mindset aslong as your have a mindset that is willing to learn then you can marry anyone😊
Kituufu
Yoo here I come again being the first am so excited for whats going to be shared already
😂😂😂😂Prim spare our lungs, mbu enjatuza 😂😂😂 I died.
Kemi that description of Nabisunsa sosh is so accurate. We were doing bare minimum and it was enough. Times have really changed 😅
Prim’s foot is the 4th member of TUO. Hi ladies👋🏾
😂😂😂😂 what have I done to you
😂😂😂
hahahaha wow
you each bring such power. bravo!
Claire you're the real boss babe from way back😂😂 and I love it for you
Prim is me 😂😂😂😂…this is the best episode ever
Hahah very relatable Claire. Some people think I am just extra
Guys according to what have heard & learnt everything comes down to character. Money can always come through and be made. As long as someone is willing to grow & better themselves. Adulting is about overcoming different things. Wisdom is always the principle thing.
Ka spray of glitters😂😂😂😂😂
I’m laughing at how I smh stopped reading those bedtime stories and now it’s their dad who reads them and tucks the children in bed
Oyogeza bwavu for me😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Came in earlier than everybody❤
Claire is dropping wisdom🥰
This episode ended with some jokes 😂😂😂
I love these ladies
11 minutes in and my ribs hurt from laughing 😭 what's all this comparison 😂😂😂😂
This topic definitely has no right script, it all depends on different things in life.
I am still watching but first I don't agree that poverty correlates with love in a home. Of course financial struggles create tension and frustration but loving people remain loving people regardless. You'll actually be surprised how many people who have grown up with abundance know little about love and genuine bonds without the material things and privileges.
It's a misconception
Couldn't agree more. This conversation went offbeat.
I don't know why people think that those who grew up poor were not loved.😢
The boss babe as always been since love wat u say Claire growing up seeing every one married it’s not easy to see ur self just having a guy in wedlock coz u grew up seeing every one in ur family getting married first family upbringing matters btw
The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD.
Thanks guys , it's really been nice hearing from you.
Owa gift of Zanzibar namulamustya 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣 Claire just reminded me of a time when I was living with my siblings, and I was in charge of buying household items including food. so, whenever I would cook, I could cook various dishes like three types and my brother would complain that I waste food😥😥. Now I get what that meant.
Beconìiii😂😂😂😂.my first time hearing it
I also agree with Claire on the helicopter thing it must have been a stunt from the skool Mpozi prim said twogeeza Bwavu lol😅
Good conversation however I've noticed you struggle to listen to each other without interrupting otherwise, I love how you girls change your outfits and film a new episode😊😊
I don’t think that you’ll ever find someone exactly like you tbh. Be it financial wise or culturally even if you believe the backgrounds are the same. At the end of the day, I think the goal is to have a good and kind person that’s willing to grow also. Neither of you have to be so set in your ways that you’re unwilling to make room for new things especially if they’re not harmful. Those examples Claire is giving of bacon and sausages are things a good person can learn to adapt to. I think the points of contention would be how you navigate the power dynamics especially if the person from means is the girl. Heck even if it’s the guy. Would have been nice to hear from Kemi and Prim if they’d marry down or up as well. From Claire’s response…. sikwogeeza bwavu but she comes off as low key classist. And that’s been consistent from the time I’ve been watching her on TUO. So may be that’s something she needs to really sit with. And it’s not to say she doesn’t deserve the things life has accorded her but to think of how she exercises that privilege/power with people she believes are of less means. Prim has been vocal about her very humble background…. But you’re friends with her (I think) I’m assuming because she’s generally a lovely person, she’s constantly working on herself and her background didn’t matter. I think the same can be applied to romantic relationships. You could say it’s just easier to mingle with your own … because then perhaps nobody will call you classist but it’s something even though uncomfortable you still have to constantly sit with because at some point you will deal with people of less means as the world does host all kinds of people.
41:07 Fiona, we saw your year. People had wanja 😅😂
The migraines one would get when someone used too too much gift from Zanzibar in their presence .lol
7:40 the scarcity mindset😂
Nile english course😂Prim
Soshiii we went for leavers parties 😮😮😮😮😮
In general, foundation is key💯 parents newooba mwavu teach yr kids YOUNG. it's easier that way cos they grow with it with an open mind. Secondly, women let the Gents do their job. Can yall let fathers do their job n not set up their boy children against them! Men raise men & am telling a man that was risen by the mother n absence of father era obalabba, bamenya nyoo Bakyaala babwe emotionally cos their mothers come first in everything that they do & yet they married n hv their kids of their own😢 Mugunjule Abaana even wen u loose it all, yr kids will carry good xaracter n values with them❤
Gift of Zanzibar 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I think the topic is extensive,the issue of social class cant be ignored and my big girl opinion is that social classes have no job mixing, most especially lower middle class and poor people should not be trying to marry into the rich and wealthy families, lower middle class and poor just can't fit in with the rich if we're being honest.
I am loving the comments ❤❤❤.
Bacon 🥓 every morning 🤔
Unwashed masses😂😂😂😂😂😂
3k for the leavers' party caused a strike 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hope ain't late today
I would go for a kind and God loving man over a wealthy man any day.
Marrying in abundance doesn't mean married to love, the one from a humble background must have grown up in a very lovely family compared to one in abundance. In summary we marry character and not money, yes money is just a top up!
Hello Beautiful people, question outside subject.... How can a person out of Uganda access Ugandan movies. Please bambi, anyone help
Go to munno watch😂
30:40 Nope. This isn't true. They become either of the 4. Even people who are loved can be one of the 4.
As an anxiously attached (more disorganized tbh), let me tell you, avoidants are not mostly abusive. Most avoidants I know will rather walk away. However, i also know that I was the problem in most of my previous relationships before I did the work. Keeping in mind avoid ants and anxious would use passive aggression or verbal or physical abuse. On behalf of the avoidants 😅 I have stressed, they are not the most abusive. But I like that you also said most of the ones you know.
But! At the beginning, you also said these are your opinions. So there is that. However, attachment theory is based off previous psychological theories that you may want to look into to widen your scope of understanding. This is because there are other factors you may be missing, protect your child from shady boos in the future.
Someone can also become anxious or avoidant or disorganized from relationships in adulthood, despite having a good base at childhood. Keeping in mind, happy families also still produce attachment issues.
Mine are mostly chemical as opposed to nurture related.
19:49 But you have just said a woman cannot teach her son how to be a man? 🤔
the sound is not so good 😳
Guys i dont mean to be petty but small small question.. am i the only one who thinks Prim and Fiona have been wearing the same pants for the past 3 episodes? Like whats up? Otw love the show
They batch shoot the episodes. So they can come one day and shoot like 5 episodes in those same clothes. Hope this helps 😊
But it’s their clothes. Why can’t they wear them? What’s wrong with repeating clothes?
Its helps. But could still carry three full changes of clothes like Claire does. just a suggestion. @@sarahkarennsiimenameewambe4347
@@sarahkarennsiimenameewambe4347if they are trying create the illusion of different episodes however much its one sitting, why not do the illusion properly to avoid confusion from us analytical and petty viewers
They shoot a number of episodes within the same timeline... I think getting we get their content.
But Prim😄😄😄😄
😂😂😂😂😂
I wish all men could watch this
but fiona you are catching up on sanyu when its about to end . its a beautiful show though. so lets also watch the new one replacing sanyu
Oprah,rihanna,steve jobs came from humble backgrounds. You mean oprah and rihanna's mindsets are still poor?
So people who manufactured food are Rich? Go abroad.
International fan out here saying that banange the sanyuka stories you involve in the discussion ffe we get lost becoz we really don’t know about the tv show .😂😂
I love you guys but Prim is cutting the rest off as they are speaking😊
It's a habit I have seen for a while. Very disrespectful. Lack of communication skills. These are the skills people highlight on their resumes, but they don't even know that they lack skill.
But u people u used to say it's Claire now you say it's Prim nga me I don't see it🙄
@@Flourish_todayehh all this for what🥺
@@peshynamuI find Claire very interruptive. Prim listens
Nooo not prim