I had this issue when my children were young. I read that all I needed was to spend 15 minutes a day connecting with each child. Just 15 min looking into their eyes. Asking questions about how they felt about things and what was going on with them. It took the pressure off. I could handle 15 minutes. God bless you. Being a parent has been the hardest thing in my life but, by far the most rewarding.
That is a technique i use as well. Both of them have develpomental stuff going on that required a lot of attention while they were younger, I made sure both my kids knew i was thinking of them and their mental and physical health AND that they were my favorite. 😂 that was a little joke that we had. I would tell them both that they are my favorite. They both knew i did it. ❤ I also did it to our beagle. ❤😂 m Much love!! ❤
@taylorthomas3372 you are good enough. We are all good enough. Our authentic self is the only thing we can offer. That is what a child sees and wants. For you to think you are not good enough is more than enough.
Probably wise. Seems like a lot of kids grow up to hate their parents anyway. Even parents who try to provide everything for their kids go unappreciated and discarded when they're no longer useful. Who wants to sign up for that?
@@angelabowman343some women had no choice because there were absent fathers as well. Everyone's situation is going to be different. We can't put all pegs into the same hole if they are different shapes of the same size.
@@primabellas6856 I can understand where you're coming from. My ex's family was like that. His parents spoiled the kids, and they were awful. I can't have kids because of what I went through, but to me it seems like successful families are the ones that somehow manage a difficult balance between giving kids what they want and discipline, and making sure to teach them good values with them still feeling like they matter. I've seen good families. They exist, but I think people might need to work less and spend more time with their kids and do things with them when they can.
@@jsi4064 Dissociation is most often a symptom of mental illness or a response to a past traumatic event. It is not something that can always be controlled or treated, even if the person suffering it puts in all of their effort. Thus, not their fault.
This little skits are such eye openers. You can hear something described and not realise it may have been your life but seeing these played out like this, really evokes a lot of feeling and resonates in a way that a description can't. Thank you for these xx
This was how my mom was. Chronic stress turned her into a dissociated parent for about 12 years. Unfortunately, she was completely checked out during my late childhood through my early adulthood. She stopped parenting, so I got into situations that put me at great risk and danger as a young girl. I ended up making a pattern of bad choices with men due to loneliness and lack of self worth. She was not able to recognize this and protect me. I understand why this happened, but it still makes me cry.
I'm so sorry for both of you. I think this is a case in which you can forgive your mother. It's sad, but if you can reconcile and try to create a bound, it would be good.
You seem self aware.. what about your mom? Has she expressed emotional awareness? I found my truth and I'm open to my adult kids in hope to help them heal 💌
This brought out instant sobbing in me. I’m so sorry to moms that want to connect with their kids but struggle with dissociation. It’s truly the worst feeling ever and I’m so sorry and wish you healing ❤
OMG!! Thanks for Identifying this for me.. I so wish I knew then what I was dealing with, I lost soooo much time. And just thought I had some sort of attention deficit disorder or something like that and I couldn't focus. Had so much trauma and it wasn't cool to talk about it or tell ANYONE.KEPT IT ALL SECRET. It is painful.
For anyone experiencing this, your kids are most likely suffering too. Go communicate this information with them. It is your job as the parent to provide them with emotional support and communication. Never the child’s. Hopefully, if your kids are old enough, they’ll understand more why you both feel the way you do and this will help you bridge the gap towards connecting.
My mom was this way. It was really bad. When i got older i learned more about how strong she really is. She really was doing her best. Thankfully shes gotten theraphy and has done a lot of self work and is actually present more often now. It still blows my mind how much progress shes made. So proud of my mama
I bet it would mean a lot to her to hear that if you haven’t shared it already. Trust me, she has worried countless hours about how her dissociation has affected you.
This just made me cry tears. I have a young daughter and I’m currently in therapy NOW, I hope that I can get it together enough for her to see a much better version of me the way that you now get to see with your mama. Bless you and your family ❤
I’ve done soooo much work to ground myself and heal. Hearing you say this about your mom made me cry. I’m so happy she did that and you get to have your Real Mom now, not just Trauma Mom. Beautiful. Bless you both.
When I witness a great relationship of mother and daughter I start getting emotional, I instantly grieve the emotional loss of my mom. She has zero emotion availability and will never ask me about my life. She is tuned out of life and just won’t engage me or care of anything about me. It’s truly disappointing when I have to mention this person is supposed to be my “mom” but it feels more like a stranger.
I know it's not my place to tell anyone what to do, and truthfully I know nothing about your situation, but I really think you should make the first move and reach out to your mother (assuming you haven't already). Do whatever you can to rekindle a connection with her, and be persistent about it, especially if she remains distant. It's not impossible. I noticed I'd been distant with my father for a while, so I started forcing myself to talk to him more often. It's not perfect, but it's better.
Oh yes! This can be so hard! I have ADHD & Complex PTSD. It was si hard for me to get in touch with my feelings and be present. The work is hard, but SO worth it
I remember sobbing when I realized what dissociating was. I always felt so guilty that I wasn't a good mom for my kids. I swore that I would be a better mom than mine was but there are times where something triggers dissociation and I'll be stuck in it for days or weeks. I try really hard to connect with my kids but some days it feels impossible. I've told them if I'm ever sitting on the couch or somewhere, they're more than welcome to come sit with me, sit on my lap, or give me a hug. Sometimes I'll sit there dissociating and holding one of my kids can pull me out of it. I'll lay on the floor to ground myself sometimes and my kids will bring coloring books and crayons and hand me one to color with them.
Go see a therapist - the money is worth it. Your healing is important as well. Do it now so your kids are less impacted in the long run. EMDR is effective and works quickly so you won’t need that many sessions (meaning you don’t spend that much)
That must be really hard on you 😢 I think I suffer from that but towards the world and probably towards 90% of people I encounter... My children are adults now and I find it very difficult to be without them, and I feel that's a condition also but I don't say nothing, I'm embarrassed. Hope you get better ❤
@@TofuTeoI mean this nicely, but it doesn’t always work. I’m a dissociated parent- I’ve been in therapy for over a year, tried emdr, and a lot of various things my mental health team has set up for me. I have 2 appointments a week. My progress is slow af, though there is a little progress. Healing isn’t as easy as “sign up for a 6 week course!” Unfortunately.
This got me in my feels, I've been extremely dissociated and in a terrible mental state because of it for nearly a year (since December 15th) to the point I can't function or work, and I don't feel like a person anymore. I hope everyone going through something similar eventually gets to a point where they feel anything again. Good luck to all my fellow trauma survivors.
I love how not only does this person explain how a parents behavior effect’s their child but also what the parents reason for their behavior might be. It really gives you some insight into why things where the way they where.
I'm horrible at looking people in the eyes. Most people think you are being dishonest if you can't look others in the eye and a lot of times that is not the problem with a lot of people
This is why mental health care for EVERYONE would be so beneficial. Not only would it help to have more emotionally mature adults who can communicate their differences effectively and with care, it would help to raise generations of individuals with stability and comfort and a mutual respect for each other. Crime would go down because we would be able to treat people preventatively, and keeping a close eye so when the first signs of potential issues pop up, we could put the proper interventions in place. Really it would just promote empathy and respect, which is honestly the biggest threat to human life right now because it impacts everything corporations and government leaders do.
THIS! I realised this after I struggled so much as a new mum. Nobody talks about it, but this is exactly what we need for our culture to regain equilibrium.
OR maybe everyone could benefit from less. This person would never have developed this…let’s call it a “rationale” for the moment…without far too much “help.” Habits die hard…but all habits are the result of choices we make. You choose your way in-and you have no choice but to choose your way out…if “out” is where you want to be. I wish I could…apparently not too much. This is just how you exist now? Knowing it hurts your daughter? A few words are coming to mind. Less therapy where the BS excuses and accountability dodges are formulated could help. Without the crutch of what she described…maybe she would just do what she claims she wants to.
@@J_Fine1582An explanation is not always an excuse. Good therapy isn't about dodging accountability. It's to help you make sense of things, teach you how the human brain works, and share proven ways to change. If someone doesn't understand what they're doing and why, they probably can't change their behavior permanently.
This is eye opening.... I am that child that is now a Mother and your describing me to a T n I never saw it for what it is until watching this post Thankyou.... it is indeed me in survival mode, PTSD, permanent fight or flight mode, abandonment issues, A.D.D along with my personality that has evolved to conserving my energy and a want for a private little space where I can stay in a corner in a safe zone... I need to be more present for my children... their grown now my youngest is 18 she is my hero and has helped me heal... I raised 7 kids as a single Mom n have 10 grandbabies. I came from a broken home that had domestic violence n alcohol abuse I ended up abandoned and in a foster home at the age of 8 later become a street kid but put myself in College at 18 had a car, house, child, n job... put all 4 of my son's in Football n through the ball with them the 2 oldest are basically Navy Seals n retire for their 20yrs soon my other children are amazing as well... my oldest daughter has struggled and it breaks my heart... and I know I am to blame for some of her life struggles 💔 she's 40 now but still in a cycle of despair and not making good choices. I take it one day at a time... n say my Prayers 🙏 I wish I would've known what I know now back then n even as a young child.... I do believe I could've avoided the wolves that preyed on me... and know I would've also been a better Mother 💖
I bet you’ve been saying the same terrible shit about your oldest daughter her whole life. Your sons are elite, your youngest daughter is your hero and your oldest daughter is a failure The rule about talking about your own failure is that’s where the topic stays. Don’t pray for her, get therapy for yourself
@namedrop721 your tag says it all..... I'll pray for her all I want..... why would you tell someone to not pray for their child I pray for all my children and grandchildren.... I say many beautiful things about my oldest daughter.... the fact is that she's choosing to stay in an abusive relationship and it's hurting her youngest child and I have a right to be concerned about it.... she has lost custody of 4 other children due to her choices in life.... my youngest may be my hero but not my favorite I don't have a favorite child and despise people that do have a favorite..... my youngest is a good human.... as for me I am on my healing journey and have seeked out counciling and help through all the challenges in my life and put my kids first.... so you don't know sh*t
This describes my father during my childhood. He was a hard worker and always came home to the family after work, never to the bar. And he was never abusive nor unfaithful to my mom. He was an excellent provider for our needs. But because of health issues that greatly exhausted him, work stress, & childhood abuse (from his dad), he was just like this. I did not realize until I was 20 years old that he loved and cared about me.
That was my Father too. Just when we started to have a functional relationship he passed away suddenly. Wish I would've known what I do now in childhood. Hope all is well with you & yours ✌️💛
@@karynbanksley7110I am going to guess that they are (for some odd reason) questioning the never unfaithful part, since that eyes emoji is usually linked to suggestive topics. idk
This was 100% (and still is) my mother. I became extremely volatile emotionally as a way to get my needs met, and I still struggle with not getting automatically triggered when I am ignored, unheard or don’t receive a relatively prompt response in most settings. But she and I have been able to make a lot of peace and I have a lot of compassion for her. I’m truly glad she is my mom regardless of her failures or mistakes.
I had a dissociated mom for half of my childhood. I can still remember the blank smile she had all day, even when I confided in her with some of my most personal struggles. She hurt me a lot when she was like that because she didn’t even know what she was responding to or what I felt.
both my parents were like this and it destroyed my self esteem. I’m sorry to anyone struggling w/ this but you have to at least pretend to be interested in your child, because if you aren’t then the message is that no one should be. Emotional neglect set me up for manipulation and abuse later in life, very susceptible to flattery and grasping for approval from people who I should never have trusted.
Exactly. So many of the parents here who feel guilty STILL can’t empathise enough with their child to realise how their behaviour affects the child’s self-esteem. Children internalise these things. These parents should be asking: How can I boost my child’s self esteem and make sure they know my failings are about me, not them?
I’m a young mom with PTSD, dissociation eats up hours of my day every day. I’m a stay at home mom and the isolation can make grounding extremely difficult. I do my best to ground myself by playing with my son when I’m able to. Since he’s a toddler, his toys and activities and interests are all very visually and tactiley stimulating. He’s got no clue that singing the ABCs over and over and sorting out the blocks by color are doing just as much for me as it is for him ❤
@@barbararogova7983 thank you very much :) I attend therapy regularly and have a very support partner. I’m very privileged to have access to those resources and to have such a strong support system.
clearly you got plenty of issues so bringing a child into this world is not of you at the moment. GEEZ can parents just work out their shit first before having a kid and then they ask for sympathy? no. And clearly you can see it unlike other parents.
I like this dialogue series that you've done between kid and parent. People really wonder why we have such high rates of anxiety and depression in our society, when we've been steadily inflicting these high stress states on parents, who inflict high stress states on children, and on, and on, and on.
😭😭😭😭 I love my babies so much!!!, I didn't know that this was what it was called 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I will go days just kinda stuck from the stress😢 as a single mom of 4 and their dad is deceased, stuff has been really hard 😔 I know God will make a way, He ALWAYS does, but now I know what to call this gives me a hope and more strength to press forward 🙏🏾❤
Right…recognizing why and where this comes from is great but fix it otherwise it’s just an excuse and justification for a behaviour! Our only job as parent sit to fix what’s broken in us so we don’t repeat patterns!
Dissociation is the result of a bunch of ingrained habits to: avoid discomfort, prioritize pushing on (getting tasks done), focusing on others and surroundings instead of what happens inside, often not understanding the purpose of painful feelings, and having little patience with your own pain. You can start working on any one of those to start turning things around but often you'd need someone to guide you at first so you get a new sense of what is normal, how to proceed and understand how and why you get stuck or scared at times + what to do then. Everyone is different and needs slightly different guidance and explanations. It's like learning how to drive, not so much about the "how" but more about someone sitting next to you and helping you through when you're stressed or confused. If it was just "how" then we could all learn how to drive from reading a book (I think for most people this wouldn't work). We eventually learn how to do it from a combo of the right instruction at the right time, at the right pace, and feeling safe enough with someone to help us, so we keep going. Then at one point you can do it on your own just fine.
My mom and I used to have a really hard time connecting. We started having a little ritual. At 4:30pm on weekdays we would make earl grey tea and have a couple chocolates or cookies. It was always the time I could actually talk to her and not worry about her reactions and she could actually be present. Idk how it started, but I am very grateful for those moments.
@@denisebeard5455 pretty sure it started when I was in middle school. So like 12-13? It probably started cuz I wanted tea and I offered to make her one too.
I just learned something new, thank you! I have PTSD. Most of my life I’ve been in survival mode. My kids are grown. When they were young I had to make myself love on them. I felt totally disconnected but I didn’t know why. I’m 58 now & today I know that I didn’t love on them enough so now I do my best to show them physical & verbal love & they let me, thank God!
I'm actually sobbing. This is me. And even when I physically do all the things with my daughter that I should (like playing or pushing her on the swing) it feels like it's just my body doing it, not ME. I'm not sure where I go but I can lose hours playing with her and that sounds sweet except I'm not really there. Shes going to get old enough to notice and it's going to effect her and that rips my heart out every fucking time I think about it. I'm in therapy but I don't remember what it's like to not be this way so I'm not even sure how therapy will help me. I feel like I've been lost for too long and every time I blink, years of my life is gone and I couldn't tell you anything about that time.
Sorry to hear that. Just know that you’re not alone, momma. Have you looked into microdosing psilocybin or ketamine therapy? If not, I highly recommend that you look into it.
@@Bbhjdidbsbaut I haven't. I've started setting little alarms on my phone so it brings me back every once in a while as a kind of reminder to stay in the moment. Or to understand time is actually passing etc. Im working through medication changes ATM as I think they might be making that specific symptom worse. I'll talk to my therapist about trying ^ cuz if it helps keep me with my daughter, I'll honestly do just about anything at this point. Its just such a hard thing to explain right. It really feels like I'm missing out on my own reality. To not be aware of that is one thing. But to know you're struggling with it makes it feel like you're actually trapped in your own mind and your body is the only thing about you that gets to have everything you want. It's so odd and adds a layer of stress to literally everything.
@@julia.carr1129 I definitely understand as I’ve struggled with dissociation, depression, and C-PTSD my entire life. I went through many different types of medications, yet nothing helped me. Truthfully, medication is just a band-aid to the issue. It can definitely be helpful for some, but it never fixes the core issues. I’ve been on a quest for over a decade now trying to find “natural”approaches to healing, and from my personal experience, there are lot of different avenues that you can take that deviate from the medical “norms.” I was told that I would never recover from PTSD/depression by psychologists and psychiatrists, yet here I am healing myself without medication or therapists. There are so many somatic/natural healing modalities like EFT and EMDR, which have helped me personally, and suggest you look into those too (just google somatic or emotional healing). More recently I’ve been microdosing psilocybin and the change has been night and day. I am very present, and I don’t have this invisible weight on me, like before. I actually enjoy spending time with my family, instead of just wanting to become invisible or go into a freeze/dissociative state. I am laughing, and talking/thinking like a brand new person, lol. It’s mind-blowing. Ketamine treatment is next for me because I have other issues I’d like to fix (panic/anxiety-related). Both ketamine and psilocybin are amazing at fixing things from the core. I do recommend that you talk to your therapist about it, but I also suggest that you look into it by yourself, in case your therapist (like many) isn’t well-informed yet. These treatments are -just- starting to gain traction in the mainstream mental health sphere as the latest studies demonstrate great potential. There are many videos on YT about it, but there’s also a documentary on Netflix called ‘How to change your mind,’ and I highly recommend you watch it. Also, be forewarned that it’s not advisable to take psilocybin while on SSRI’s, as they inhibit the psilocybin from working, so if you ever decided to try it, you’d have to work with your therapist to slowly wean off them. The nice thing is that the psilocybin mushrooms are easy (and legal in the U.S. and Canada - but always do your own research, just in case, of course) to grow at home, so it’s very cheap and effective medicine. Ketamine is a bit more pricey (3-5k approx), but worth it if you can afford it. Lastly, our mind dissociates from our body when it becomes too painful to live in it (the body). It’s a self-defense mechanism. Dissociation masks a lot of the trauma/stress that our bodies are repressing in order to exist (it would be too painful otherwise). Your idea of setting off alarms is great, btw. But yeah, working on fixing the core emotions is how you fix that. I’ve noticed that the more I have healed the trapped emotions in my body, the more present I’ve become - even before the psilocybin. Changing your environment and lifestyle is important, too. Staying away from toxic or stressful situations is also a fundamental piece of the healing puzzle. A flower can’t grow in a dark, dry place. Anyway, best of luck, momma. And if you have any questions, please let me know. I truly wish every mother/parent out there could get the help we so desperately need, for our kids’ sake, and our own.
I didn't know about disassociating until after I'd had my first child. After realizing I was struggling with wanting to be present I realized I was also Maladaptive Daydreaming my entire life due to trauma. I had to really do some work to get better and get to where I wanted to be present and not in the safe space I'd created in my head. To anyone out there who is struggling to want to be present: you aren't alone. Don't give up ❤
@@joysarahc7437 I didn't realize I was struggling with these issues until I was 21/22. So, by the time I did realize it, my Maladaptive Daydreaming and Disassociating felt almost like a 'hobby'. It was comfortable, familiar, and made me feel calm. Knowing something so familiar wasn't healthy terrified me especially because all I ever wanted was to have kids and give them what I never had. I started researching MDD when I noticed an intense amount of anger towards anyone in my life who would interrupt my Daydreaming. I was literally getting pissed because I was being pulled back into reality. I knew I had to do something so I found actual hobbies I enjoyed the main one being reading (this is a good tool for people who suffer from MDD). When I felt the urge to daydream I'd either commit to reading just one chapter of a book (too much at once and it can simulate MDD) or I'd pick something to create for the house. Once my daughter got older it got easier to fill my time with things that took my mind off the desire to disassociate and MDD. I'm glad I decided to try and get better when I did. I cannot imagine going through this with my child being the age she is and needing the attention she needs now. I still struggle but nowhere near as much. On a really bad day I'll even have my Disassociating Time where I put my headphones in and spend ten minutes in my head then I get up and go back to my day. It might be the most healthy coping mechanisms but it's all I've got lol.
I got a bit better at being present, at least not constantly absent anymore. Unfortunately damage has already been done to my girls self esteem and I try to make sure she knows she has always been loved, but I needed (and still need ) help. The things that helped me get better were lots of therapy, after years of that and short mindfullness meditations to learn to feel intensly unpleasant feelings and train my ability to do so I joined a 12 step program and became ready for emdr. Have gotten lots of sessions and am still not done, but at least I can give my daughter some sincere attention throughout the day
I grew up in a home like this and I made a conscious decision to not raise my daughter this way. It wasn’t easy but I did it! I needed to be present both physically, mentally and emotionally every day. I thank god for his help ❤
Dissociated kid of dissociated parent, and I've always had trouble accepting or believing the fact that she was indeed dissociated. The "I wish you cared about me" made my throat squeeze. Thanks for helping me realize.
I had a patient once who I will never forget. She had two sons who were beyond rambunctious, play fighting in the clinic, running around, running into patients, screaming, shouting, just totally out of control wildlings. And poor mum is just completely disassociated. She was gone. Was obvious she loved them very much, but she was taxed to the max with them and life. Felt so bad for her. Her kids weren't even the biggest stressors. I think I would've disassociated too.
Dude this is me as a parent! I love my son so much but I constantly blank out, get lost in my thoughts or just crave being able to decompress from extremely stressful overwhelming 10-12 hour work days, nonstop chores, being constantly financially strapped and being a single mom. I have no idea how to connect with people aside from surface level because I constantly blank out or go into my own head. It’s absolute torture and I have no control over it. And it’s CONSTANT.
Sending prayers your way. No one understands or even empathizes with how hard it is to work, and raise children. People act like it’s the same as riding a bicycle and chewing gum and it’s really not.
Try to take some time for yourself if/when you can. Self-care is so very important as a parent (especially a single one). Your self-care is their care. 4-7-8 breathing, or breathwork in general, along with meditation, can be very beneficial. Also, do things that you enjoy whenever you get the chance. Or just chill out, and do absolutely nothing - just to rest. No need to feel guilty for taking the time to do “nothing.”
I had parents that were sickly and mom was handicapped. Everything that I brought up , they made it all about each of them. I just gave up and retreated inward. When I became a parent, I did just the opposite, exhausting myself with their needs. It has taken a long time to see this.
One of my parents sent this to me and i am near tears, ive questioned myself for so long about why they are gone for so long sometimes. This helped me see.. helped me understand my mother better, thank you
My mom went between this, being visibly angry, and being loving. There are so many terrible things she let happen because she was dissociated and/or scared, and I'm working on forgiving her because I know she tried her best and now, in her 50s, she's finally been working on being a better person. It doesn't erase the past or make anything okay, but I'm proud of her. I am glad that I've chosen to work on healing myself *before* having children, even though it has been breaking my heart every single day for almost a decade that I don't have children. I hope we can continue to break away that stigma, and more people can get help.
You don't have to be 100% healed to be a good parent though! Please done feel like you inevitably HAVE to wait until then. None of us can escape all of our issues entirely, we just have to learn healthy behaviors for how to deal with them. In my opinion, if someone has healthy coping mechanisms that they use reliably, it's shouldn't harm children. Not in all cases obviously, but at least in quite a few.
My mom had this, and now i have borderline personality disorder because of it. But she was also emotionally abusive/neglectful, and later verbally abusive and threatening.
I have a parent like this, and I was intensely parentified as a result, turned into the spouse role emotionally and rarely a child. Part of that dissociation also manifested in intense reliving of very traumatic memories, nearly yelling them without pause for breath at myself and several of the children. Ive pointed a lot of this out and some progress has been made but I just desperately wish that my parent would figure it out and seek therapy like Ive been telling them for twenty years, since I was a preteen. Its hard to not be drained when spending time together because often my parent slips back into this state, even though sometimes the state is absent, also largely due to my intervention and inststance of being in touch with immediate reality, events and other things to plug them back in to the current world. Left me feeling completely abandoned and I had to be looking out/raising myself as a kid. Both of my parents had been like this to a degree, but the other parent was actively harmful whereas this parent was passively. I dont have the heart to truly be mad about it, because Ive *always* seen just how broken this parent is, how scared and uncapable. But one of the worst realizations of my early 20s was when I realized that, my parent was just repeating these traumatic stories, over and over, that Ive listened to hundreds of times, empathized with, and lived through myself. And one day it hit me that I'll never be enough. I had told myself I was helping and that I was sacrificing my peace of mind and mental health because that parent needed me to, that I had slightly better mental health and could make that sacrifice. That I was stronger than them and had to shoulder those burdens. But growing up, I never heard anything but these stories. And theyre still told every time we meet. Suddenly, I realized I paid my childhood and innocence all those years ago, and had done and changed nothing. It broke something in me. I shouldnt say nothing, because that parent left a bad situation as a result and has relationships with my siblings who easily could have hated that parent forever but for my intervention on their behalf, telling that parent to do better and how, and giving my siblings support. Im the youngest. By a lot. Our family story is a mess. I wish there was a rehab for parents like this. It hurts seeing them give years of their lives without even noticing.
I'm a stay at home mom and I struggle with this. I just get so overwhelmed that I end up checking out without meaning to. It breaks my heart that I can't be present enough for him.
I suggest planning and focusing on a set amount of time each day to really look at your child and ask them questions. Show affection and listen. Treat it like a job, and hopefully it will become more natural. I read that children need 8 touches a day to feel connected and not neglected. Lots of love to those who struggle.
I literally listened to this clip over ten times on loop. I am so taken back. This is exactly how my connection is with my child. I have never heard it be put into words before. It feels awful to live this way and watch years go by
I’ve also been listening to it over and over on a loop. I feel like this is me but I do engage with my children , but at the same time there are times that I am disassociated. My adult child said something to me about this but he said it in a diff way. He told me that I don’t know how to process emotions and because of this he doesn’t know how to process emotions (that was a fun convo). I wonder if there is a level where a mom is disassociated sometimes but engaging at other times. I sent him the video and hope it opens but more discussion.
So how is 1 to RECOVER FROM THIS? When 1 is in this state awareness and familiaraliry in such state would be wanted but in such state would be struggling to work out HOW TO HEAL and so too is the WANT & NEED offering of others with the ability to be forthcoming with educated guidance. Having and hearing acknowledgement of one’s own personal realities would be a definate relief by such posts as this offered on utube. Hopefully advice too on HOW. Also i wish for children to be educated MORE about mental health enabling awareness that may prevent one’s mind becoming blocked due to circumstances from others, with a comfortable perception one would continue to feel comfort rather than ongoing confusion, weighed down with pain
Practicing mindfulness - gentle awareness of your surroundings - and being gentle with the feelings that come up when you do so - and taking small steps. That's how you get out of dissociation. A therapist can help, too. You can live a more connected life ❤
I genuinely feel bad for parents sometimes. I think we forget sometimes they have their own trauma and are trying their best with their children. This isnt an excuse for the things they do and get away with but i understand it can be hard for them too. We're all just a bunch of broken people raising children who also end up breaking under the pressure of life
@@schrdngrskat3847I'm not the original commenter but I also overcame this. I honestly just faked it until I got better. I got on medicine (paxil to be exact lol) and did some self healing and it's gotten a lot better but it is hard. I have a 4yo and almost 2yo and the chaos day to day can be engulfing but I don't want my kids to know that so I just put on my miss Rachel voice and try my best lol
I do like these shorts that are being done on CZcams and instagram to create an awareness in understanding child hood trauma and why our parents were not emotionally available to us it’s helping us as adults to identify our attachment style and trauma and see where are romantic relationships and friendships have been going wrong.. I’ve done a lot of healing 🙏🏾 and still on going 😅
I honestly disagree, bringing up our childhood memories doesn't fix anything. All it does is desensitizes us to everything we're struggling through now: gas prices, food prices, rent, utilities, insurance, health issues, trauma, social decline, ect... the list goes on. I've never felt this alone, secluded, scared, pressured, lost, devided from those who emotionally have always beem there, less than, thinned out, distant.. I want to run away somedays. In fact I felt that a lot these past 3 months. Now all I feel is numb and other days I just hide in my room and cry. I see my tasks piled up and I feel hopeless because despite my best efforts to push through fight or flight I can't beat the stress. This isn't normal.
@@syzygy4365It sounds like CBT would be better for you than therapy that revisits the past. But at the same time, revisiting therapy might be perfect for you as well, since it can connect you to YOU and your experiences. You will feel more enriched if you can focus on healing yourself. Sending lots of love to you ❤️
@@syzygy4365 anyway, I'm in a similar place, BUT I will say that awareness is absolutely the first step to getting better. But next comes action. I hope you are seeking therapy and possibly medication from a psychiatrist. Have you been able to receive help?
my mom has been like this my entire life and im 19 now. i do empathize with her struggle as well as other parents who go through similar situations but the fact that my mother refuses to ever get help has really damaged my relationship with her. looking back, her being traumatized, traumatized me as a child and i had to grow up very quickly emotionally to stay stable without a consistent emotional support i could lean on in my household. basically if you have the means to get emotional and mental help please get it rather than continuing to be emotionally unavailable for your kids and the people who love you. we just want you to feel better so we can actually enjoy every day things together.
I’m only recently realizing that I’ve felt disassociated for most of my life. Sometimes small children in my life (nieces, nephews, younger siblings) notice that I’m not able to connect with them on a certain level or for very long, but I’m still nice to them and able to have meaningful interactions with them. I know it’s a task I want to tackle over the years before I decide to become a mom myself, but I’m glad there’s still time to try to get ahead of the curve 🤞 Strength and healing to anyone out there dealing with dissociation, it’s a silent prison for sure 💔
Wow, this is what I’m trying to heal right now. My mother basically neglected me my entire childhood. She was so damaged by her childhood and being married to my abusive father. The trauma gets passed down. 🙁. I pray for all of those on here who understand.
Been there for so many years. I loved my kids but struggled to connect with them. I did the jobs I needed to do and put up the front of being OK but the oy way I could connect with my kids was having a cuddle on the sofa watching TV. I struggled knowing I wasn't connecting and I really wanted to but I just didn't have it in me. As soon as the kids were old enough to cope by themselves (young adults) I totally collapsed mentally and physically and have been in extreme burnout for the last 5 years. I held it together as much as I could for a long time but the energy it took to do that took its toll
Then why have children? I don't understand all the moms on here wanting pitty but they have MULTIPLE children. Why would you keeping bringing more children into the world if you barely like the one you already have?
@@wompwomp90 I love my kids. I always loved my kids. And I actually like my kids as individuals too, they are cool people. You are simply showing you complete understanding of mental health issues and your own lack of empathy. It's people like you that make the world a horrible place. Like seriously,get that empathy issue you have checked out by MH professional
And that disconnect can cause emotional neglect, which is freaking hard for a child who is trying to connect to their parent. This is where, I feel like that it's the parent's job to own up to it, and change their ways to be with their child.
@@leontineke I mean, just because someone can't identify the effects of drug-induced psychosis.. does it mean we excuse the events committed after? Intentions are important with a lot of things; but when it comes to the term NEGLIGENCE - intentions actually have very little involvement. Kids don't feed off good intentions.
Me too :’( we’ll get out of it hopefully we just gotta crawl our way out I guess :( I hope my daughter doesn’t get too affected by this I hope I get better soon
I definitely suffered from this when my daughter was very young. It's like your brain freezes and shuts down, it's horrible when your precious child is trying to engage with you and you're just a robot. Glad to hear I'm not alone.
Severe depression during my 3 children's primary school years led to my dissociation. Now they are grown I have explained and apologised, they seem to understand. They are all leading good fruitful lives, I'm so thankful for that. It's never too late to reconnect.
Yep, my mom was an ER nurse for the first 14 years of my life. In these past few years, I feel like I finally got her back, but I will never forget the disconnect of the past
What an awesome description of how that feels. It physically hurt to hug, or often even be touched by, anyone when my child was young. I wish i could've understood then what I do now. I still feel a lot of guilt. I was so broken. Shes somehow turned out to be an amazing woman and mom Praise Jesus.
I always struggled with how much I should tell my kids about my mental health. I didn't want to scare them but I didn't want them to feel responsible for my mood swings.
@dianag.9866 That is NOT helpful. You can't UNhave kids, and we all have different struggles as parents. Maybe you should not comment on the internet.
I feel this deep in my bones ;-; I'm still working really hard on myself, and honestly my kiddo has been a big reason for it. She's still to little to comprehend that I even have mental health issues, so I still have time to figure out age-appropriate ways to explain mental health.
This is my greatest fear if I become a parent. I don’t want to seem disconnected or make them feel like they’re not loved. I already do that with my younger siblings, and they tell me sometimes that they feel like I’m not there for them, when in reality, they mean the world to me and I’d do anything for them. It’s just hard for me to show it and I don’t know how to undo that. It’s frustrating sometimes.
This is my grandma and my mom's relationship. My grandma had a really tough childhood so she became like that. Wish my mom could see it... She wasn't the best mom but she's an amazing grandmother ❤
A very sad reality, I’ve never understood that pressure placed on parents. I grew up always going to community youth programs and centers over the summer… A lot of that funding got cut off. The ability to always be present for children is not an easy feat, and quite next to impossible for many adults. Especially with inflation, the rising housing crisis, the shitty healthcare system that makes it harder to afford therapy.
I have autism, and sometimes I can't even remember what I've done throughout the day. I can't remember what day it is or what month it is sometimes. Sometimes when someone's talking to me I zone out. Like I'm listening but I'm not mentally there.
Hello fellow weeb! 😂 Yeah as someone also with ASD I experience those same symptoms. What she is describing is what generational trauma can do to a person/parent. Very similar tho not the same as us.
This hits hard for me as someone who is constantly dissociating, I would love to raise a kid but I don't think I could in reality with my trauma responses. Hopefully one day I can work through more of my issues and have a family
Ok, stoooopppp. Every time one if your shorts pops up, I end up in tears, nodding my head, as you accurately describe me, my life, my trauma...wtf 😢💯🙋♀️
There is hope! My mom was like this for the majority of my childhood up until she got really good professional treatment when I was a teen. I knew she loved me but she was going through some serious mental health stuff and was unable to be there for me the way she wanted to. When she finally came back to us we reconnected and now I consider her to be one of my closest friends. If you're a parent like this, remember that your kids are yours forever and love you at every stage of your healing process. Things change! Keep working and it will get better!
After the work I am doing, and studying counselling, I had the aha moment in a phone call with my parents as my mother went on one of her monologues describing a conversation with my brother. From her description of that interaction I realised without a doubt that my mother dissociates, and has done so all her life. Its her coping mechanism from living with a narcisstic husband among other traumas.
People are saying that the new generation isn’t having kids and I’d like to think that part of that is that we realize that not being a bad person doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be a good parent. Even victims and people who have been through so much can unintentionally fail at raising their kids because they’re simply not able to. If they can realize that and hold off on having kids, then I think that’s great.
My mom passed when I was 17 and learning about stuff like this really helps me understand her better and let go of some of the hurt I feel. I was a kid who thought I wasn't cared about. In reality, I think she just went through so much that connect and letting her guard down was too risky.
@@AmieMorley-st6tz from your answer i take it you had a career. It has lots to do- God made women to raise a family not to do a man’s job AND a women’s job.
Thank you for sharing this because I’m there now. I have my first little one young but FINALLY got out of my toxic childhood home/parents last year. Trying to figure out how to process my trauma in my own space - so surreal- and parent my daughter with all of the love, kindness, grace and acceptance she desperately needs. I live in CHRONIC FEAR of making my parent’s mistakes with my own daughter. I’ve tried therapy in different capacities but I think I mainly need to replace my crappy coping skills with good ones… I just don’t know what
Just randomly ran across this, was actually looking at living in a simulation. But thank you creator of this for accomplishing in a few seconds what many therapists are unable or unincentivized to express. Its really important what you are doing.
I’ve listened to this so many times now because with my children only being 2 and 7 months, this is how I’ve felt for the past two years with them, and even longer with other loved ones. I feel like I’m failing as a parent because some days it takes every little painful molecule of energy I have just to get out of bed. Not to mention all the missed opportunities I wished I could’ve used to have family bonding time. I want nothing more than for my children to have a better life than I did, and so far I feel like I’m giving the exact opposite even though I use all of my energy just on them. It’s so hard to attach to someone else when you can’t even attach to your present self
Wow! I felt this.. in my body, I want to connect with each one of my kids.. but my mind makes it difficult…as a result, it turns into immense guilt and sadness at what could have been or what could be…💔
As a former live in nanny in a spiritual community i observed this with 3 different families. It was heartbreaking. 🙏😢I saw children getting toys , expensive treatments & treats but not much attention. They were all hungry for their parents presence & would do wild things. It was sad to see out of desperation they would settle for negative attention .
I think that my dad could have been like that but he’s always made an effort to try and connect with us. I’m so glad he pushed through everything that made it so difficult because now I get to know him. He’s so amazing and even though he’s still kind of like this( didn’t know how electives worked at my school until 3 years after I started, forgets a lot). He’s far from perfect but he’s a nerdy, anxious, socially awkward, and kind guy. We share the same interests and sense of humor. I love him so much and I see his struggles. I’m so so proud of him ❤
That's my mom, who's been through a lot in life all alone. She's the most courageous human I know + my pillar of strength but it kills me to see her not wanting to connect with me as much as I'd like. :'( I guess I have some similar thought/behavior patterns but having realized this early on, I'd like to parent my kids more consciously in future. Thank you for these short and super informative videos, Dr. Nicole. I appreciate you so much!
@@mariacharles306 I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, Maria. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me a new perspective. I hope you shall one day be able to connect with your children as you'd like to. Love and light to you! 🤍
So i have a mom thats not emotionally available like that but she tries to show her love by doing things for me. Honestly our family has a lot of baggage because of it. But as i have kids of my own, i am trying to forgive her because i would want the same.
@@yourmomsaccount69 I'm so glad you've picked up on the generational behaviour patterns and are self-aware enough to want to minimize the generational trauma that your child shall have to bear. More power to you and keep going! ✨
This is why I kept putting off having children until it was too late. I knew I was like that and I didn’t want to make my child feel alone like I did. 😢 Thank you for explaining it so clearly though. All my life it’s just felt like connection was hopeless. It’s the source of all my depression and suicidal ideation - this idea that connection is just hopeless. But now instead of this amorphous hopelessness shadowing my life, there’s an explanation.
This is the first time I have ever heard anyone talk about dissociative disorder. I need to get it off my chest how horrible school and training for a new job was. The stress of pushing myself to do well, combined with generalized anxiety disorder and dissociating, as soon as information came in my mind, it was frequently hidden from immediate access as a protective measure. As a child, I realize now that during or immediately after a traumatic event, I would go blank and not know what was going on. Yes, it was that bad and worse. For all who suffer senselessly, I am in your corner and cheering for the victory CHRIST died to give you.
Oh my goodness, I have never heard of this before. But, I can see how real this is. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with this in their lives. Please know that you are doing the best you can. My love goes out to anyone affected by this.
This is so heartbreaking because it’s a result of so much heavy trauma that the child has to leave the body to be able to cope with the horrific circumstances they found themselves in. 😞
I have it too. And when I was a little girl, I left my body so often that I would walk into walls. My parents were divorced by the time I was 4 and my mom chased the Flower Child movement out to Los Angeles. I had a bad burn scar on my left arm at the age of 2 (from a kitchen accident) which required an extensive plastic surgery repair when I was 6 - I flew across the country and back by myself at the time. My mom got remarried and had a baby boy - and she and stepdad invited sixteen people home to live with us for two weeks. It was the Summer of Love and we lived in Los Angeles. I think the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family had just begun to be popular - depicting two modern day family scenarios - which were both drastically different from the family I lived in. Alcoholism, drug use, nudity, neglect and days when our mom didn't get out of bed were all part of that trauma. That and my bio dad completely abandoned my sis and me and we were s.a. by our teenage babysitters for years. There were lots of amazing beautiful moments too and a lot of love in our family - but I think when the trauma is stuffed down deep it surfaces in the form of addiction and alcoholism - and for some they also repeat the abuse they received. I didn't even realize I might be dissociating with my now grown kids. This is very awakening. ..
The only thing heartbreaking here is the abusers thinking that they deserve pity for choosing to continue the cycle of abuse. Abort or adopt. You deserve zero pity for harming helpless children!
This was my parents and it was devastating. I’m very affectionate and involved with my son. I play, sing, talk and hug and kiss him all day long, even when I’m exhausted and stressed. I don’t want him to go through the pain I went through. I want him to know he’s loved and wanted and important. It’s exhausting but worth it.
My mum had a severe infection to hear hearing nerve which caused brain damage and nearly complete loss of hearing on one side. After that for weeks she was like this. It was terrible for me, because it was so confusing. She was there, but it felt like she had died. Luckily she was sent to a recovery clinic (in Germany health insurance pays for this, which makes life much easier) and returned to be her old self. To think children grow up with a parent who's constantly in this state is terrifying.
My father suffered a near fatal accident that left him permanently disabled when I just barely a month old. The stress of his disability made him mentally check out though he was always present in the home. I barely knew the man.
Me 3. 😢 I'm turning 65 on Sun and this is how I've always been. This is how I cope in this world to survive. I'm disassociated from everything and everyone. Even my own self. My true self. My unfulfilled potential. God help me. But even Him I keep at an arms distance away. 😢
I’m 25 and asked a lot if I want kids but I spend most of my life dissociated so I just can’t bring a life into this world that has a mom who can’t cope. I’m planning on figuring out my mental state and fostering to adopt or just fostering later in life when/if I figure it out.
I love how these prove to me that I’m a good mom. 😊 I’m a disassociated parent but I still know my kids character names and play games with them. I check in to make sure they feel seen. I’m just glad that, with all the books and social support, I made it. 🤩
I’m a 50 year old mother of three. Went through the CPS system myself and I identified with this so much. I’ve never been able to get treatment and my family doctors have always said I’m fine. I feel like I’ve been living with ptsd my whole life. I’m this, my this felt like I had a breakthrough watching this
I’ve observed a woman with NPD behave like this. She was always agitated and avoided interacting with her kids. However, when she would see her kids laughing with another adult, she would make sure to ruin the moment, often someone would end up upset or crying, so everyone had to be quiet around her, walk on eggshells, and don’t display any joy. She couldn’t be happy so no one else was allowed to be happy. It would deeply offended her. She did try buying love by getting toys for her kids or take them to a store and they could get literally anything, nothing was denied, and then she would disappear behind a closed door again. If another adult would buy anything for the kids, and the kids happened to be extra happy, there would also be price to pay. Jealousy and bullying were ever present. I really believe that she primarily just cared about herself. She would fight her kids if they ate her candy or drank her last soda pop. Some things were ‘hers’ only. She was the most important individual and everyone had to adjust their behavior to her mood. Amazing how present she could be when it was time to terrorize someone. Several times it was her jealousy over her kids birthday. She would ruin those events too. She couldn’t stand any attention going to anybody else but her.
Yeah that's very unfortunate. It sounds very much like NPD. But those people must be damaged too so I don't know how much condemnation we should have for them I think more pity than anything. It sounds like she couldn't feel happiness or joy and that's a pretty sad way to live. I'm sorry that you didn't have a happier experience living with her. I hope you find only healthy happy partners from now on.
Talking about your daughter named Linda by any chance? Sounds like you're describing my mother in law to a tee. Coincidentally, her own mother's name is Leona. lol
Narcissistic Personality? Is that NPD? Because yeah, her problems went beyond dissociating. Dissociating is a self preservation survival technique and is passive. Her behavior sounded like she was trying actively to make sure her children had a horrible life, which is different.
You have no idea how much this just blessed and healed me. Please receive this abundance of blessings. May you go on to heal countless others. May you continue to inspire. May you in engulfed in LOVE JOY and PEACE. Keep shining! ❤🎉❤
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! .. for explaining this so eloquently and right on spot. You just described my whole life exactly. Now I can share your vid with my loved ones in hopes that they can understand. I appreciate all the work that you do! ❤
I hate that I feel this way and therapy takes so long. I just want to feel happy now. I hate this perpetual survival state. It feels so unfair that my life is so bad and it's not even my fault.
I hope you have a good therapist that will tell you that you having a bad life *is* actually your fault. The bad incidents or situations that happened to you are *not* your fault. But how you move forward and whether you take control of your life or not is all up to you.
@@BetterMe981 Yeah, I knew something was off when I moved out of home at 18. I'm 23 now, doing therapy for different things for the past 4 years. After going through 12 therapists, I found 1 good one for 1 an isolated event of trauma and 1 good one (my current one) for personality/attachment trauma/CPTSD. Because psychological safety is most easily created in an environment that's absent of criticism, he uses free association, a psychoanalytic technique that observes beliefs, thoughts, behaviours and allows the client to have control of the session, just having a therapist as a blank canvas to paint emotions on and be heard. A stable base. It works. I'm working through a lot of shit I didn't think I would be able to this soon. Although I'm not yet where I want to be, things are going well. Thanks for your concern. I hope things are going well for you, too.
This just hit me hard and i now understand why my son is always asking me if i love him. I am so busy working and trying to do it all that I'm just here.
I did such a good job! I did the best I could with no information. Counseling was still taboo in society, and there was virtually no information about this. I left the home of my narcissistic mother and alcoholic father at age 13. I became a mother at 17, many many years ago now, I basically did a 180 with my children. I did everything with love, not always present, but always mindfully, empathically. Every decision was done thoughtfully with love. We spent most of our time in nature, after leaving his physically abusive father. I think it was moving to and spending time in the mountains and rivers that healed me and made my children lives better. Idk how I knew. Perhaps it was instinctual. I'm so thankful to know and bear witness to the healing tools, and helpers that are available and the healing that is occurring.
Just a reminder for everyone else out there who struggles with disassociation: Professional Help Can Help. I have dissociative identity disorder, and with a good therapist and support from my husband I've been able to manage and get out of these episodes more often than not now a days. There is hope to be present again in life and to truly reconnect with friends, family, hobbies,- all aspects of life. It takes time and work in therapy but if I can do it, you can too
I had this issue when my children were young. I read that all I needed was to spend 15 minutes a day connecting with each child. Just 15 min looking into their eyes. Asking questions about how they felt about things and what was going on with them. It took the pressure off. I could handle 15 minutes. God bless you. Being a parent has been the hardest thing in my life but, by far the most rewarding.
That is a technique i use as well. Both of them have develpomental stuff going on that required a lot of attention while they were younger, I made sure both my kids knew i was thinking of them and their mental and physical health AND that they were my favorite. 😂 that was a little joke that we had. I would tell them both that they are my favorite. They both knew i did it. ❤ I also did it to our beagle. ❤😂 m
Much love!! ❤
I do this...I struggle with agoraphobia also....I can't count how many times I've watched them leave without me.
Sometimes I wonder if I loved my kid the right way because I feel like I love him but there’s this other feeling about not being good enough
@taylorthomas3372 you are good enough. We are all good enough. Our authentic self is the only thing we can offer. That is what a child sees and wants. For you to think you are not good enough is more than enough.
thank you for this comment.
People wonder why we stopped having kids... our parents taught us children were burdens and money stresses.
Probably wise. Seems like a lot of kids grow up to hate their parents anyway. Even parents who try to provide everything for their kids go unappreciated and discarded when they're no longer useful. Who wants to sign up for that?
It’s because women were taught a career is more important
@@angelabowman343some women had no choice because there were absent fathers as well. Everyone's situation is going to be different. We can't put all pegs into the same hole if they are different shapes of the same size.
My parents didn't teach me that children are burdens... Damn. I am so sorry if you had to grow up thinking like that.
@@primabellas6856 I can understand where you're coming from. My ex's family was like that. His parents spoiled the kids, and they were awful. I can't have kids because of what I went through, but to me it seems like successful families are the ones that somehow manage a difficult balance between giving kids what they want and discipline, and making sure to teach them good values with them still feeling like they matter. I've seen good families. They exist, but I think people might need to work less and spend more time with their kids and do things with them when they can.
The worst situations are the ones that are no one’s fault but make everyone suffer.
amen
Amen
YUP 🥲
No one's fault?
@@jsi4064 Dissociation is most often a symptom of mental illness or a response to a past traumatic event. It is not something that can always be controlled or treated, even if the person suffering it puts in all of their effort. Thus, not their fault.
This little skits are such eye openers. You can hear something described and not realise it may have been your life but seeing these played out like this, really evokes a lot of feeling and resonates in a way that a description can't. Thank you for these xx
This was how my mom was. Chronic stress turned her into a dissociated parent for about 12 years. Unfortunately, she was completely checked out during my late childhood through my early adulthood. She stopped parenting, so I got into situations that put me at great risk and danger as a young girl. I ended up making a pattern of bad choices with men due to loneliness and lack of self worth. She was not able to recognize this and protect me. I understand why this happened, but it still makes me cry.
I'm so sorry 😞 I pray you're in a better place now. God loves you and He has a plan for your life.
theres a lot of Yous out there
Me too
I'm so sorry for both of you. I think this is a case in which you can forgive your mother. It's sad, but if you can reconcile and try to create a bound, it would be good.
You seem self aware.. what about your mom? Has she expressed emotional awareness? I found my truth and I'm open to my adult kids in hope to help them heal 💌
This brought out instant sobbing in me. I’m so sorry to moms that want to connect with their kids but struggle with dissociation. It’s truly the worst feeling ever and I’m so sorry and wish you healing ❤
I wish I could give you a hug. I feel the same. The guilt is unreal 🫂 keep trying
Wow this is me. I never knew what it was called before but this is exactly it. I always have just immense amounts of guilt.
OMG!! Thanks for Identifying this for me..
I so wish I knew then what I was dealing with, I lost soooo much time. And just thought I had some sort of attention deficit disorder or something like that and I couldn't focus. Had so much trauma and it wasn't cool to talk about it or tell ANYONE.KEPT IT ALL SECRET. It is painful.
Same 😢
For anyone experiencing this, your kids are most likely suffering too. Go communicate this information with them. It is your job as the parent to provide them with emotional support and communication. Never the child’s. Hopefully, if your kids are old enough, they’ll understand more why you both feel the way you do and this will help you bridge the gap towards connecting.
My mom was this way. It was really bad. When i got older i learned more about how strong she really is. She really was doing her best. Thankfully shes gotten theraphy and has done a lot of self work and is actually present more often now. It still blows my mind how much progress shes made. So proud of my mama
You're so fortunate that your mom was willing to eventually get therapy.
I bet it would mean a lot to her to hear that if you haven’t shared it already. Trust me, she has worried countless hours about how her dissociation has affected you.
This just made me cry tears. I have a young daughter and I’m currently in therapy NOW, I hope that I can get it together enough for her to see a much better version of me the way that you now get to see with your mama. Bless you and your family ❤
I’ve done soooo much work to ground myself and heal. Hearing you say this about your mom made me cry. I’m so happy she did that and you get to have your Real Mom now, not just Trauma Mom. Beautiful. Bless you both.
You have me in the most hopeful of tears! Thank you for sharing.
When I witness a great relationship of mother and daughter I start getting emotional, I instantly grieve the emotional loss of my mom. She has zero emotion availability and will never ask me about my life. She is tuned out of life and just won’t engage me or care of anything about me. It’s truly disappointing when I have to mention this person is supposed to be my “mom” but it feels more like a stranger.
I know it's not my place to tell anyone what to do, and truthfully I know nothing about your situation, but I really think you should make the first move and reach out to your mother (assuming you haven't already). Do whatever you can to rekindle a connection with her, and be persistent about it, especially if she remains distant. It's not impossible. I noticed I'd been distant with my father for a while, so I started forcing myself to talk to him more often. It's not perfect, but it's better.
@@HelloWorld-lv4weyou're right, it's not your place.
@@Awesomeness1296lmao
Same! And to the other response, we’ve tried but it gets harder as they and you get older and then you see them neglecting their grandchildren….
You are not alone. 🫂🥺😣
I'm a mom with adhd and trauma. I dissociate sometimes but I try SO hard to be there and not repeat the trauma.
Me too 😢
Oh yes! This can be so hard! I have ADHD & Complex PTSD. It was si hard for me to get in touch with my feelings and be present. The work is hard, but SO worth it
Be kind to yourself tho!!❤❤❤❤
Thank you 😊! Me too!! I catch myself and then realize my trauma responses
Sending love and understanding ❤️
I remember sobbing when I realized what dissociating was. I always felt so guilty that I wasn't a good mom for my kids. I swore that I would be a better mom than mine was but there are times where something triggers dissociation and I'll be stuck in it for days or weeks. I try really hard to connect with my kids but some days it feels impossible. I've told them if I'm ever sitting on the couch or somewhere, they're more than welcome to come sit with me, sit on my lap, or give me a hug. Sometimes I'll sit there dissociating and holding one of my kids can pull me out of it. I'll lay on the floor to ground myself sometimes and my kids will bring coloring books and crayons and hand me one to color with them.
i colour too❤
Go see a therapist - the money is worth it. Your healing is important as well. Do it now so your kids are less impacted in the long run. EMDR is effective and works quickly so you won’t need that many sessions (meaning you don’t spend that much)
That must be really hard on you 😢
I think I suffer from that but towards the world and probably towards 90% of people I encounter... My children are adults now and I find it very difficult to be without them, and I feel that's a condition also but I don't say nothing, I'm embarrassed. Hope you get better ❤
I love you
@@TofuTeoI mean this nicely, but it doesn’t always work. I’m a dissociated parent- I’ve been in therapy for over a year, tried emdr, and a lot of various things my mental health team has set up for me. I have 2 appointments a week. My progress is slow af, though there is a little progress.
Healing isn’t as easy as “sign up for a 6 week course!” Unfortunately.
This got me in my feels, I've been extremely dissociated and in a terrible mental state because of it for nearly a year (since December 15th) to the point I can't function or work, and I don't feel like a person anymore.
I hope everyone going through something similar eventually gets to a point where they feel anything again. Good luck to all my fellow trauma survivors.
You're keeping yourself safe and that's important. I hope you get to feel some sunshine on your face soon.
I love how not only does this person explain how a parents behavior effect’s their child but also what the parents reason for their behavior might be. It really gives you some insight into why things where the way they where.
The inability to look the other person in the eye - is a very real thing.
I'm horrible at looking people in the eyes. Most people think you are being dishonest if you can't look others in the eye and a lot of times that is not the problem with a lot of people
I have trouble looking myself in the eye from the mirror.
This is why mental health care for EVERYONE would be so beneficial. Not only would it help to have more emotionally mature adults who can communicate their differences effectively and with care, it would help to raise generations of individuals with stability and comfort and a mutual respect for each other. Crime would go down because we would be able to treat people preventatively, and keeping a close eye so when the first signs of potential issues pop up, we could put the proper interventions in place. Really it would just promote empathy and respect, which is honestly the biggest threat to human life right now because it impacts everything corporations and government leaders do.
THIS! I realised this after I struggled so much as a new mum. Nobody talks about it, but this is exactly what we need for our culture to regain equilibrium.
Now if only there were more mental health professionals that weren’t disgusting pieces of shit!
OR maybe everyone could benefit from less.
This person would never have developed this…let’s call it a “rationale” for the moment…without far too much “help.”
Habits die hard…but all habits are the result of choices we make. You choose your way in-and you have no choice but to choose your way out…if “out” is where you want to be.
I wish I could…apparently not too much. This is just how you exist now? Knowing it hurts your daughter?
A few words are coming to mind.
Less therapy where the BS excuses and accountability dodges are formulated could help. Without the crutch of what she described…maybe she would just do what she claims she wants to.
@@J_Fine1582An explanation is not always an excuse. Good therapy isn't about dodging accountability. It's to help you make sense of things, teach you how the human brain works, and share proven ways to change. If someone doesn't understand what they're doing and why, they probably can't change their behavior permanently.
this feels exactly the same way when it's a romantic relationship
I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time, but I have been this way too while in a relationship.
Thank you for the insight! Now to watch it from a different point of view
This is eye opening.... I am that child that is now a Mother and your describing me to a T n I never saw it for what it is until watching this post Thankyou.... it is indeed me in survival mode, PTSD, permanent fight or flight mode, abandonment issues, A.D.D along with my personality that has evolved to conserving my energy and a want for a private little space where I can stay in a corner in a safe zone... I need to be more present for my children... their grown now my youngest is 18 she is my hero and has helped me heal... I raised 7 kids as a single Mom n have 10 grandbabies. I came from a broken home that had domestic violence n alcohol abuse I ended up abandoned and in a foster home at the age of 8 later become a street kid but put myself in College at 18 had a car, house, child, n job... put all 4 of my son's in Football n through the ball with them the 2 oldest are basically Navy Seals n retire for their 20yrs soon my other children are amazing as well... my oldest daughter has struggled and it breaks my heart... and I know I am to blame for some of her life struggles 💔 she's 40 now but still in a cycle of despair and not making good choices. I take it one day at a time... n say my Prayers 🙏 I wish I would've known what I know now back then n even as a young child.... I do believe I could've avoided the wolves that preyed on me... and know I would've also been a better Mother 💖
I bet you’ve been saying the same terrible shit about your oldest daughter her whole life. Your sons are elite, your youngest daughter is your hero and your oldest daughter is a failure
The rule about talking about your own failure is that’s where the topic stays. Don’t pray for her, get therapy for yourself
@namedrop721 your tag says it all.....
I'll pray for her all I want..... why would you tell someone to not pray for their child I pray for all my children and grandchildren.... I say many beautiful things about my oldest daughter.... the fact is that she's choosing to stay in an abusive relationship and it's hurting her youngest child and I have a right to be concerned about it.... she has lost custody of 4 other children due to her choices in life.... my youngest may be my hero but not my favorite I don't have a favorite child and despise people that do have a favorite..... my youngest is a good human.... as for me I am on my healing journey and have seeked out counciling and help through all the challenges in my life and put my kids first.... so you don't know sh*t
This describes my father during my childhood. He was a hard worker and always came home to the family after work, never to the bar. And he was never abusive nor unfaithful to my mom. He was an excellent provider for our needs. But because of health issues that greatly exhausted him, work stress, & childhood abuse (from his dad), he was just like this. I did not realize until I was 20 years old that he loved and cared about me.
still really wonder....👀
@@jtwright4095 What do you wonder?
That was my Father too. Just when we started to have a functional relationship he passed away suddenly. Wish I would've known what I do now in childhood. Hope all is well with you & yours ✌️💛
@@a.rosesmith5998 💜
@@karynbanksley7110I am going to guess that they are (for some odd reason) questioning the never unfaithful part, since that eyes emoji is usually linked to suggestive topics. idk
This was 100% (and still is) my mother. I became extremely volatile emotionally as a way to get my needs met, and I still struggle with not getting automatically triggered when I am ignored, unheard or don’t receive a relatively prompt response in most settings. But she and I have been able to make a lot of peace and I have a lot of compassion for her. I’m truly glad she is my mom regardless of her failures or mistakes.
Same situation for me ❤
I am the same way about the prompt responses.
Same
Yup, they made a monster out of their child, but it’s not the child’s fault; the child was just adapting to get his or her needs met.
exactly the same with my mother
I had a dissociated mom for half of my childhood. I can still remember the blank smile she had all day, even when I confided in her with some of my most personal struggles. She hurt me a lot when she was like that because she didn’t even know what she was responding to or what I felt.
Love to everyone going through whichever stage they are in with this. This one hit so hard.
both my parents were like this and it destroyed my self esteem. I’m sorry to anyone struggling w/ this but you have to at least pretend to be interested in your child, because if you aren’t then the message is that no one should be. Emotional neglect set me up for manipulation and abuse later in life, very susceptible to flattery and grasping for approval from people who I should never have trusted.
👍👍
I am trying my best❤ I'm very tired and traumatized but l do the most l can. I'll always let her know l love her. I hope you're doing well.
Exactly. So many of the parents here who feel guilty STILL can’t empathise enough with their child to realise how their behaviour affects the child’s self-esteem. Children internalise these things. These parents should be asking: How can I boost my child’s self esteem and make sure they know my failings are about me, not them?
The amount of moms on here acting like they're the victim even tho they're harming their child 😂
Yup. Me too.
I’m a young mom with PTSD, dissociation eats up hours of my day every day. I’m a stay at home mom and the isolation can make grounding extremely difficult. I do my best to ground myself by playing with my son when I’m able to. Since he’s a toddler, his toys and activities and interests are all very visually and tactiley stimulating. He’s got no clue that singing the ABCs over and over and sorting out the blocks by color are doing just as much for me as it is for him ❤
awesome ❤
It sounds you passing through a very challenging way. I admire how conscious you are. I wish you all the best for you and you family
@@barbararogova7983 thank you very much :) I attend therapy regularly and have a very support partner. I’m very privileged to have access to those resources and to have such a strong support system.
Wow I feel the exact same way
clearly you got plenty of issues so bringing a child into this world is not of you at the moment. GEEZ can parents just work out their shit first before having a kid and then they ask for sympathy? no. And clearly you can see it unlike other parents.
I like this dialogue series that you've done between kid and parent. People really wonder why we have such high rates of anxiety and depression in our society, when we've been steadily inflicting these high stress states on parents, who inflict high stress states on children, and on, and on, and on.
😭😭😭😭 I love my babies so much!!!, I didn't know that this was what it was called 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I will go days just kinda stuck from the stress😢 as a single mom of 4 and their dad is deceased, stuff has been really hard 😔 I know God will make a way, He ALWAYS does, but now I know what to call this gives me a hope and more strength to press forward 🙏🏾❤
It’s one thing to recognize that this is happening. But I want to know how to FIX it.
Right…recognizing why and where this comes from is great but fix it otherwise it’s just an excuse and justification for a behaviour!
Our only job as parent sit to fix what’s broken in us so we don’t repeat patterns!
Finding a therapist that specialized in CPTSD was the first step for me. Maybe it would be the same for you?
@@linds8568 Starting once you have kids may very well mean you're a few years behind schedule. Gotta work on it early, preferably in early adulthood.
Dissociation is the result of a bunch of ingrained habits to: avoid discomfort, prioritize pushing on (getting tasks done), focusing on others and surroundings instead of what happens inside, often not understanding the purpose of painful feelings, and having little patience with your own pain. You can start working on any one of those to start turning things around but often you'd need someone to guide you at first so you get a new sense of what is normal, how to proceed and understand how and why you get stuck or scared at times + what to do then. Everyone is different and needs slightly different guidance and explanations. It's like learning how to drive, not so much about the "how" but more about someone sitting next to you and helping you through when you're stressed or confused. If it was just "how" then we could all learn how to drive from reading a book (I think for most people this wouldn't work). We eventually learn how to do it from a combo of the right instruction at the right time, at the right pace, and feeling safe enough with someone to help us, so we keep going. Then at one point you can do it on your own just fine.
Starts with unconditional self love, self acceptance, self worth.
Lots of healing
Meditation
Journaling
Loving and listening to your inner child
I’m crying so hard. I wish my kids knew how much I love them
Tell them. Tell your kids hiw much you love them. Just explain hiw you are feeling. It's ok ❤
Try connecting with each kid just 10 or 15 minutes each day. It doesn't have to be a huge thing, just one on one with a cup of hot chocolate
My mom and I used to have a really hard time connecting. We started having a little ritual. At 4:30pm on weekdays we would make earl grey tea and have a couple chocolates or cookies. It was always the time I could actually talk to her and not worry about her reactions and she could actually be present.
Idk how it started, but I am very grateful for those moments.
@@Balien_Darkblade - what age were you when she began this ritual? Were you open to it initially?
@@denisebeard5455 pretty sure it started when I was in middle school. So like 12-13? It probably started cuz I wanted tea and I offered to make her one too.
Man. It's so horrifying how hard it is for people to break that cycle.
I just learned something new, thank you!
I have PTSD. Most of my life I’ve been in survival mode. My kids are grown. When they were young I had to make myself love on them. I felt totally disconnected but I didn’t know why. I’m 58 now & today I know that I didn’t love on them enough so now I do my best to show them physical & verbal love & they let me, thank God!
I'm actually sobbing. This is me. And even when I physically do all the things with my daughter that I should (like playing or pushing her on the swing) it feels like it's just my body doing it, not ME. I'm not sure where I go but I can lose hours playing with her and that sounds sweet except I'm not really there. Shes going to get old enough to notice and it's going to effect her and that rips my heart out every fucking time I think about it. I'm in therapy but I don't remember what it's like to not be this way so I'm not even sure how therapy will help me. I feel like I've been lost for too long and every time I blink, years of my life is gone and I couldn't tell you anything about that time.
Sorry to hear that. Just know that you’re not alone, momma. Have you looked into microdosing psilocybin or ketamine therapy? If not, I highly recommend that you look into it.
@@Bbhjdidbsbaut I haven't. I've started setting little alarms on my phone so it brings me back every once in a while as a kind of reminder to stay in the moment. Or to understand time is actually passing etc. Im working through medication changes ATM as I think they might be making that specific symptom worse. I'll talk to my therapist about trying ^ cuz if it helps keep me with my daughter, I'll honestly do just about anything at this point. Its just such a hard thing to explain right. It really feels like I'm missing out on my own reality. To not be aware of that is one thing. But to know you're struggling with it makes it feel like you're actually trapped in your own mind and your body is the only thing about you that gets to have everything you want. It's so odd and adds a layer of stress to literally everything.
@@julia.carr1129 I definitely understand as I’ve struggled with dissociation, depression, and C-PTSD my entire life. I went through many different types of medications, yet nothing helped me. Truthfully, medication is just a band-aid to the issue. It can definitely be helpful for some, but it never fixes the core issues. I’ve been on a quest for over a decade now trying to find “natural”approaches to healing, and from my personal experience, there are lot of different avenues that you can take that deviate from the medical “norms.” I was told that I would never recover from PTSD/depression by psychologists and psychiatrists, yet here I am healing myself without medication or therapists. There are so many somatic/natural healing modalities like EFT and EMDR, which have helped me personally, and suggest you look into those too (just google somatic or emotional healing). More recently I’ve been microdosing psilocybin and the change has been night and day. I am very present, and I don’t have this invisible weight on me, like before. I actually enjoy spending time with my family, instead of just wanting to become invisible or go into a freeze/dissociative state. I am laughing, and talking/thinking like a brand new person, lol. It’s mind-blowing. Ketamine treatment is next for me because I have other issues I’d like to fix (panic/anxiety-related). Both ketamine and psilocybin are amazing at fixing things from the core. I do recommend that you talk to your therapist about it, but I also suggest that you look into it by yourself, in case your therapist (like many) isn’t well-informed yet. These treatments are -just- starting to gain traction in the mainstream mental health sphere as the latest studies demonstrate great potential. There are many videos on YT about it, but there’s also a documentary on Netflix called ‘How to change your mind,’ and I highly recommend you watch it.
Also, be forewarned that it’s not advisable to take psilocybin while on SSRI’s, as they inhibit the psilocybin from working, so if you ever decided to try it, you’d have to work with your therapist to slowly wean off them. The nice thing is that the psilocybin mushrooms are easy (and legal in the U.S. and Canada - but always do your own research, just in case, of course) to grow at home, so it’s very cheap and effective medicine. Ketamine is a bit more pricey (3-5k approx), but worth it if you can afford it.
Lastly, our mind dissociates from our body when it becomes too painful to live in it (the body). It’s a self-defense mechanism. Dissociation masks a lot of the trauma/stress that our bodies are repressing in order to exist (it would be too painful otherwise). Your idea of setting off alarms is great, btw. But yeah, working on fixing the core emotions is how you fix that. I’ve noticed that the more I have healed the trapped emotions in my body, the more present I’ve become - even before the psilocybin. Changing your environment and lifestyle is important, too. Staying away from toxic or stressful situations is also a fundamental piece of the healing puzzle. A flower can’t grow in a dark, dry place.
Anyway, best of luck, momma. And if you have any questions, please let me know. I truly wish every mother/parent out there could get the help we so desperately need, for our kids’ sake, and our own.
Don’t give up on healing yourself. When you put in the work, no doubt you will see results ❤❤❤❤❤
I feel all of this, too. Every word of it. Thank you for writing this out. You're not alone.
I didn't know about disassociating until after I'd had my first child. After realizing I was struggling with wanting to be present I realized I was also Maladaptive Daydreaming my entire life due to trauma. I had to really do some work to get better and get to where I wanted to be present and not in the safe space I'd created in my head.
To anyone out there who is struggling to want to be present: you aren't alone. Don't give up ❤
How did you get better?
@@joysarahc7437 I didn't realize I was struggling with these issues until I was 21/22. So, by the time I did realize it, my Maladaptive Daydreaming and Disassociating felt almost like a 'hobby'. It was comfortable, familiar, and made me feel calm. Knowing something so familiar wasn't healthy terrified me especially because all I ever wanted was to have kids and give them what I never had. I started researching MDD when I noticed an intense amount of anger towards anyone in my life who would interrupt my Daydreaming. I was literally getting pissed because I was being pulled back into reality. I knew I had to do something so I found actual hobbies I enjoyed the main one being reading (this is a good tool for people who suffer from MDD). When I felt the urge to daydream I'd either commit to reading just one chapter of a book (too much at once and it can simulate MDD) or I'd pick something to create for the house. Once my daughter got older it got easier to fill my time with things that took my mind off the desire to disassociate and MDD. I'm glad I decided to try and get better when I did. I cannot imagine going through this with my child being the age she is and needing the attention she needs now. I still struggle but nowhere near as much. On a really bad day I'll even have my Disassociating Time where I put my headphones in and spend ten minutes in my head then I get up and go back to my day. It might be the most healthy coping mechanisms but it's all I've got lol.
I got a bit better at being present, at least not constantly absent anymore. Unfortunately damage has already been done to my girls self esteem and I try to make sure she knows she has always been loved, but I needed (and still need ) help. The things that helped me get better were lots of therapy, after years of that and short mindfullness meditations to learn to feel intensly unpleasant feelings and train my ability to do so I joined a 12 step program and became ready for emdr. Have gotten lots of sessions and am still not done, but at least I can give my daughter some sincere attention throughout the day
Maladaptive daydreaming? 😂
@@Brownsocksflirt yes honey... Maladaptive Daydreaming. If you still have a need for the question mark I'd encourage you to do your research. 🫶🏻
I grew up in a home like this and I made a conscious decision to not raise my daughter this way. It wasn’t easy but I did it! I needed to be present both physically, mentally and emotionally every day. I thank god for his help ❤
Dissociated kid of dissociated parent, and I've always had trouble accepting or believing the fact that she was indeed dissociated. The "I wish you cared about me" made my throat squeeze. Thanks for helping me realize.
I had a patient once who I will never forget. She had two sons who were beyond rambunctious, play fighting in the clinic, running around, running into patients, screaming, shouting, just totally out of control wildlings. And poor mum is just completely disassociated. She was gone. Was obvious she loved them very much, but she was taxed to the max with them and life. Felt so bad for her. Her kids weren't even the biggest stressors. I think I would've disassociated too.
Dude this is me as a parent! I love my son so much but I constantly blank out, get lost in my thoughts or just crave being able to decompress from extremely stressful overwhelming 10-12 hour work days, nonstop chores, being constantly financially strapped and being a single mom. I have no idea how to connect with people aside from surface level because I constantly blank out or go into my own head. It’s absolute torture and I have no control over it. And it’s CONSTANT.
Sending prayers your way. No one understands or even empathizes with how hard it is to work, and raise children. People act like it’s the same as riding a bicycle and chewing gum and it’s really not.
Try to take some time for yourself if/when you can. Self-care is so very important as a parent (especially a single one). Your self-care is their care. 4-7-8 breathing, or breathwork in general, along with meditation, can be very beneficial. Also, do things that you enjoy whenever you get the chance. Or just chill out, and do absolutely nothing - just to rest. No need to feel guilty for taking the time to do “nothing.”
Show this video to your son so he understand where your behavior is coming from
@@UmuPadoruwhy showing him a video? When you can talk to him about it. That's the problem, stupid videos.
Im in a very similar situation. Im praying for you too, now 🙏💕
I had parents that were sickly and mom was handicapped. Everything that I brought up , they made it all about each of them. I just gave up and retreated inward. When I became a parent, I did just the opposite, exhausting myself with their needs. It has taken a long time to see this.
One of my parents sent this to me and i am near tears, ive questioned myself for so long about why they are gone for so long sometimes. This helped me see.. helped me understand my mother better, thank you
My mom went between this, being visibly angry, and being loving. There are so many terrible things she let happen because she was dissociated and/or scared, and I'm working on forgiving her because I know she tried her best and now, in her 50s, she's finally been working on being a better person. It doesn't erase the past or make anything okay, but I'm proud of her. I am glad that I've chosen to work on healing myself *before* having children, even though it has been breaking my heart every single day for almost a decade that I don't have children. I hope we can continue to break away that stigma, and more people can get help.
❤❤❤ I went thru the same thing and am working on a better relationship with my Mom now too 40 years later
You don't have to be 100% healed to be a good parent though! Please done feel like you inevitably HAVE to wait until then. None of us can escape all of our issues entirely, we just have to learn healthy behaviors for how to deal with them. In my opinion, if someone has healthy coping mechanisms that they use reliably, it's shouldn't harm children. Not in all cases obviously, but at least in quite a few.
I really identify with all you said here. I’m sending you a hug ❤
My mom had this, and now i have borderline personality disorder because of it. But she was also emotionally abusive/neglectful, and later verbally abusive and threatening.
I have a parent like this, and I was intensely parentified as a result, turned into the spouse role emotionally and rarely a child. Part of that dissociation also manifested in intense reliving of very traumatic memories, nearly yelling them without pause for breath at myself and several of the children. Ive pointed a lot of this out and some progress has been made but I just desperately wish that my parent would figure it out and seek therapy like Ive been telling them for twenty years, since I was a preteen. Its hard to not be drained when spending time together because often my parent slips back into this state, even though sometimes the state is absent, also largely due to my intervention and inststance of being in touch with immediate reality, events and other things to plug them back in to the current world. Left me feeling completely abandoned and I had to be looking out/raising myself as a kid. Both of my parents had been like this to a degree, but the other parent was actively harmful whereas this parent was passively. I dont have the heart to truly be mad about it, because Ive *always* seen just how broken this parent is, how scared and uncapable. But one of the worst realizations of my early 20s was when I realized that, my parent was just repeating these traumatic stories, over and over, that Ive listened to hundreds of times, empathized with, and lived through myself. And one day it hit me that I'll never be enough. I had told myself I was helping and that I was sacrificing my peace of mind and mental health because that parent needed me to, that I had slightly better mental health and could make that sacrifice. That I was stronger than them and had to shoulder those burdens. But growing up, I never heard anything but these stories. And theyre still told every time we meet. Suddenly, I realized I paid my childhood and innocence all those years ago, and had done and changed nothing. It broke something in me. I shouldnt say nothing, because that parent left a bad situation as a result and has relationships with my siblings who easily could have hated that parent forever but for my intervention on their behalf, telling that parent to do better and how, and giving my siblings support. Im the youngest. By a lot. Our family story is a mess. I wish there was a rehab for parents like this. It hurts seeing them give years of their lives without even noticing.
I'm a stay at home mom and I struggle with this. I just get so overwhelmed that I end up checking out without meaning to. It breaks my heart that I can't be present enough for him.
I suggest planning and focusing on a set amount of time each day to really look at your child and ask them questions. Show affection and listen. Treat it like a job, and hopefully it will become more natural. I read that children need 8 touches a day to feel connected and not neglected. Lots of love to those who struggle.
Ill try that because my heart just fell into my stomach with this video.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you 🙏
Consensual touches, of course. And all kids are different. Some may need more of less.
@@jaymesigler6402oh jfc you people are insufferable
I literally listened to this clip over ten times on loop. I am so taken back. This is exactly how my connection is with my child. I have never heard it be put into words before. It feels awful to live this way and watch years go by
Me too, this is hard! My mama was like this but I did this to my 8 children too…Until this moment I had never heard it described like this.
Same here! 😢
I’ve also been listening to it over and over on a loop. I feel like this is me but I do engage with my children , but at the same time there are times that I am disassociated. My adult child said something to me about this but he said it in a diff way. He told me that I don’t know how to process emotions and because of this he doesn’t know how to process emotions (that was a fun convo). I wonder if there is a level where a mom is disassociated sometimes but engaging at other times. I sent him the video and hope it opens but more discussion.
So how is 1 to RECOVER FROM THIS? When 1 is in this state awareness and familiaraliry in such state would be wanted but in such state would be struggling to work out HOW TO HEAL and so too is the WANT & NEED offering of others with the ability to be forthcoming with educated guidance. Having and hearing acknowledgement of one’s own personal realities would be a definate relief by such posts as this offered on utube. Hopefully advice too on HOW. Also i wish for children to be educated MORE about mental health enabling awareness that may prevent one’s mind becoming blocked due to circumstances from others, with a comfortable perception one would continue to feel comfort rather than ongoing confusion, weighed down with pain
Practicing mindfulness - gentle awareness of your surroundings - and being gentle with the feelings that come up when you do so - and taking small steps. That's how you get out of dissociation. A therapist can help, too. You can live a more connected life ❤
This is so heartbreaking; 1 hurt person becomes 2 hurt ppl😥. I'm glad the info is here, so we can at least try to understand & help or Get help❤️
I genuinely feel bad for parents sometimes. I think we forget sometimes they have their own trauma and are trying their best with their children. This isnt an excuse for the things they do and get away with but i understand it can be hard for them too. We're all just a bunch of broken people raising children who also end up breaking under the pressure of life
I can honestly say i have remedied this in my life and i am no longer a dissociative parent. Its been so hard yall
I'm so proud of you! How did you work through it?
@@schrdngrskat3847I'm not the original commenter but I also overcame this. I honestly just faked it until I got better. I got on medicine (paxil to be exact lol) and did some self healing and it's gotten a lot better but it is hard. I have a 4yo and almost 2yo and the chaos day to day can be engulfing but I don't want my kids to know that so I just put on my miss Rachel voice and try my best lol
That's amazing!
Please share your wisdom.
Please share. I need this so badly. I don't know what to do.
I do like these shorts that are being done on CZcams and instagram to create an awareness in understanding child hood trauma and why our parents were not emotionally available to us it’s helping us as adults to identify our attachment style and trauma and see where are romantic relationships and friendships have been going wrong.. I’ve done a lot of healing 🙏🏾 and still on going 😅
So glad you're finding these shorts helpful for your own understanding Coco
I honestly disagree, bringing up our childhood memories doesn't fix anything. All it does is desensitizes us to everything we're struggling through now: gas prices, food prices, rent, utilities, insurance, health issues, trauma, social decline, ect... the list goes on. I've never felt this alone, secluded, scared, pressured, lost, devided from those who emotionally have always beem there, less than, thinned out, distant.. I want to run away somedays. In fact I felt that a lot these past 3 months. Now all I feel is numb and other days I just hide in my room and cry. I see my tasks piled up and I feel hopeless because despite my best efforts to push through fight or flight I can't beat the stress. This isn't normal.
@@syzygy4365It sounds like CBT would be better for you than therapy that revisits the past. But at the same time, revisiting therapy might be perfect for you as well, since it can connect you to YOU and your experiences. You will feel more enriched if you can focus on healing yourself.
Sending lots of love to you ❤️
@@syzygy4365did you know that not everyone is you?
@@syzygy4365 anyway, I'm in a similar place, BUT I will say that awareness is absolutely the first step to getting better. But next comes action. I hope you are seeking therapy and possibly medication from a psychiatrist. Have you been able to receive help?
my mom has been like this my entire life and im 19 now. i do empathize with her struggle as well as other parents who go through similar situations but the fact that my mother refuses to ever get help has really damaged my relationship with her. looking back, her being traumatized, traumatized me as a child and i had to grow up very quickly emotionally to stay stable without a consistent emotional support i could lean on in my household. basically if you have the means to get emotional and mental help please get it rather than continuing to be emotionally unavailable for your kids and the people who love you. we just want you to feel better so we can actually enjoy every day things together.
I’m only recently realizing that I’ve felt disassociated for most of my life. Sometimes small children in my life (nieces, nephews, younger siblings) notice that I’m not able to connect with them on a certain level or for very long, but I’m still nice to them and able to have meaningful interactions with them. I know it’s a task I want to tackle over the years before I decide to become a mom myself, but I’m glad there’s still time to try to get ahead of the curve 🤞 Strength and healing to anyone out there dealing with dissociation, it’s a silent prison for sure 💔
Wow, this is what I’m trying to heal right now. My mother basically neglected me my entire childhood. She was so damaged by her childhood and being married to my abusive father. The trauma gets passed down. 🙁. I pray for all of those on here who understand.
Been there for so many years. I loved my kids but struggled to connect with them. I did the jobs I needed to do and put up the front of being OK but the oy way I could connect with my kids was having a cuddle on the sofa watching TV. I struggled knowing I wasn't connecting and I really wanted to but I just didn't have it in me. As soon as the kids were old enough to cope by themselves (young adults) I totally collapsed mentally and physically and have been in extreme burnout for the last 5 years. I held it together as much as I could for a long time but the energy it took to do that took its toll
Then why have children?
I don't understand all the moms on here wanting pitty but they have MULTIPLE children.
Why would you keeping bringing more children into the world if you barely like the one you already have?
@@wompwomp90 I love my kids. I always loved my kids. And I actually like my kids as individuals too, they are cool people. You are simply showing you complete understanding of mental health issues and your own lack of empathy. It's people like you that make the world a horrible place. Like seriously,get that empathy issue you have checked out by MH professional
And that disconnect can cause emotional neglect, which is freaking hard for a child who is trying to connect to their parent. This is where, I feel like that it's the parent's job to own up to it, and change their ways to be with their child.
Yep! You nailed it!!
I think not every parent is even aware of it though...
Not every parent can, unfortunately
@@leontineke I mean, just because someone can't identify the effects of drug-induced psychosis.. does it mean we excuse the events committed after?
Intentions are important with a lot of things; but when it comes to the term NEGLIGENCE - intentions actually have very little involvement.
Kids don't feed off good intentions.
Kinda want to cry. This hit the nail on the head for me.
This is me. 😔 Now I must heal this dissociative state of mine.
Do u have a plan
Sending you love♥️
Me too :’( we’ll get out of it hopefully we just gotta crawl our way out I guess :( I hope my daughter doesn’t get too affected by this I hope I get better soon
Same. It sucks
We can do it!!
I definitely suffered from this when my daughter was very young. It's like your brain freezes and shuts down, it's horrible when your precious child is trying to engage with you and you're just a robot. Glad to hear I'm not alone.
Severe depression during my 3 children's primary school years led to my dissociation. Now they are grown I have explained and apologised, they seem to understand. They are all leading good fruitful lives, I'm so thankful for that. It's never too late to reconnect.
Yep, my mom was an ER nurse for the first 14 years of my life. In these past few years, I feel like I finally got her back, but I will never forget the disconnect of the past
What an awesome description of how that feels. It physically hurt to hug, or often even be touched by, anyone when my child was young. I wish i could've understood then what I do now. I still feel a lot of guilt. I was so broken. Shes somehow turned out to be an amazing woman and mom Praise Jesus.
Same with me and my son and he's SO amazing! Hey you don't know what you don't know. But we learned and we made it and they did too
I always struggled with how much I should tell my kids about my mental health. I didn't want to scare them but I didn't want them to feel responsible for my mood swings.
Maybe you shouldn’t have kids at all. Not everyone should be a parent!
@dianag.9866 That is NOT helpful. You can't UNhave kids, and we all have different struggles as parents. Maybe you should not comment on the internet.
@@DMarisha85 not everyone is meant to be a parent. Some people should think long and hard before having kids.
I feel this deep in my bones ;-; I'm still working really hard on myself, and honestly my kiddo has been a big reason for it. She's still to little to comprehend that I even have mental health issues, so I still have time to figure out age-appropriate ways to explain mental health.
I tell my kids that I'm having a hard day or that I am tired and that it has nothing to do with them and I want to be with them more.
This is my greatest fear if I become a parent. I don’t want to seem disconnected or make them feel like they’re not loved. I already do that with my younger siblings, and they tell me sometimes that they feel like I’m not there for them, when in reality, they mean the world to me and I’d do anything for them. It’s just hard for me to show it and I don’t know how to undo that. It’s frustrating sometimes.
This is my grandma and my mom's relationship. My grandma had a really tough childhood so she became like that. Wish my mom could see it... She wasn't the best mom but she's an amazing grandmother ❤
A very sad reality, I’ve never understood that pressure placed on parents. I grew up always going to community youth programs and centers over the summer… A lot of that funding got cut off. The ability to always be present for children is not an easy feat, and quite next to impossible for many adults. Especially with inflation, the rising housing crisis, the shitty healthcare system that makes it harder to afford therapy.
I have autism, and sometimes I can't even remember what I've done throughout the day. I can't remember what day it is or what month it is sometimes. Sometimes when someone's talking to me I zone out. Like I'm listening but I'm not mentally there.
Hello fellow weeb! 😂
Yeah as someone also with ASD I experience those same symptoms. What she is describing is what generational trauma can do to a person/parent. Very similar tho not the same as us.
Thanks for sharing your experience here with us lunarcorpse
🙋🏾♀️ i know the feeling exactly!!!😮😮
Is this due to timeline issues?
Autism is often accompanied with ADHD/ADD, they often have also C-PTSD.
This hits hard for me as someone who is constantly dissociating, I would love to raise a kid but I don't think I could in reality with my trauma responses. Hopefully one day I can work through more of my issues and have a family
Ok, stoooopppp. Every time one if your shorts pops up, I end up in tears, nodding my head, as you accurately describe me, my life, my trauma...wtf 😢💯🙋♀️
There is hope! My mom was like this for the majority of my childhood up until she got really good professional treatment when I was a teen. I knew she loved me but she was going through some serious mental health stuff and was unable to be there for me the way she wanted to. When she finally came back to us we reconnected and now I consider her to be one of my closest friends.
If you're a parent like this, remember that your kids are yours forever and love you at every stage of your healing process. Things change! Keep working and it will get better!
Bless you 🙏
@Olivia-hs3nr Did your Mom have to go away for help?
I think this is the most encouraging thing I've read all year. Thank-you 🥺
After the work I am doing, and studying counselling, I had the aha moment in a phone call with my parents as my mother went on one of her monologues describing a conversation with my brother. From her description of that interaction I realised without a doubt that my mother dissociates, and has done so all her life. Its her coping mechanism from living with a narcisstic husband among other traumas.
This is my mom and I realized I am this way too
i hope these situations get better ❤ they both deserve peace
People are saying that the new generation isn’t having kids and I’d like to think that part of that is that we realize that not being a bad person doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be a good parent. Even victims and people who have been through so much can unintentionally fail at raising their kids because they’re simply not able to. If they can realize that and hold off on having kids, then I think that’s great.
My mom passed when I was 17 and learning about stuff like this really helps me understand her better and let go of some of the hurt I feel. I was a kid who thought I wasn't cared about. In reality, I think she just went through so much that connect and letting her guard down was too risky.
I’m 74 years old and I still to this day can never relax or feel safe. I’m always tense. The only time I relax is when I’m alone.
This ^. Solitude is heaven. Safety is everything.
Did you have a career or were you a stay at home mom?
@@angelabowman343
What does that have to do with anything?
@@AmieMorley-st6tz from your answer i take it you had a career. It has lots to do- God made women to raise a family not to do a man’s job AND a women’s job.
we evolved in tribes... bonobos baby
Thank you for sharing this because I’m there now. I have my first little one young but FINALLY got out of my toxic childhood home/parents last year. Trying to figure out how to process my trauma in my own space - so surreal- and parent my daughter with all of the love, kindness, grace and acceptance she desperately needs. I live in CHRONIC FEAR of making my parent’s mistakes with my own daughter. I’ve tried therapy in different capacities but I think I mainly need to replace my crappy coping skills with good ones… I just don’t know what
Just randomly ran across this, was actually looking at living in a simulation. But thank you creator of this for accomplishing in a few seconds what many therapists are unable or unincentivized to express. Its really important what you are doing.
I’ve listened to this so many times now because with my children only being 2 and 7 months, this is how I’ve felt for the past two years with them, and even longer with other loved ones. I feel like I’m failing as a parent because some days it takes every little painful molecule of energy I have just to get out of bed. Not to mention all the missed opportunities I wished I could’ve used to have family bonding time. I want nothing more than for my children to have a better life than I did, and so far I feel like I’m giving the exact opposite even though I use all of my energy just on them. It’s so hard to attach to someone else when you can’t even attach to your present self
wow--the way u said it makes sense *
Wow! I felt this.. in my body, I want to connect with each one of my kids.. but my mind makes it difficult…as a result, it turns into immense guilt and sadness at what could have been or what could be…💔
As a former live in nanny in a spiritual community i observed this with 3 different families. It was heartbreaking. 🙏😢I saw children getting toys , expensive treatments & treats but not much attention. They were all hungry for their parents presence & would do wild things. It was sad to see out of desperation they would settle for negative attention .
I think that my dad could have been like that but he’s always made an effort to try and connect with us. I’m so glad he pushed through everything that made it so difficult because now I get to know him. He’s so amazing and even though he’s still kind of like this( didn’t know how electives worked at my school until 3 years after I started, forgets a lot). He’s far from perfect but he’s a nerdy, anxious, socially awkward, and kind guy. We share the same interests and sense of humor. I love him so much and I see his struggles. I’m so so proud of him ❤
That's my mom, who's been through a lot in life all alone. She's the most courageous human I know + my pillar of strength but it kills me to see her not wanting to connect with me as much as I'd like. :'(
I guess I have some similar thought/behavior patterns but having realized this early on, I'd like to parent my kids more consciously in future. Thank you for these short and super informative videos, Dr. Nicole. I appreciate you so much!
P.v hi maybe its not tht she just cant iso dearly wat connection with my daughter n son n i lost a son but i ust unable 2 this is so accurate
@@mariacharles306 I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, Maria. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me a new perspective. I hope you shall one day be able to connect with your children as you'd like to. Love and light to you! 🤍
So i have a mom thats not emotionally available like that but she tries to show her love by doing things for me. Honestly our family has a lot of baggage because of it. But as i have kids of my own, i am trying to forgive her because i would want the same.
@@yourmomsaccount69 I'm so glad you've picked up on the generational behaviour patterns and are self-aware enough to want to minimize the generational trauma that your child shall have to bear. More power to you and keep going! ✨
"Do on to others" God bless you@@yourmomsaccount69
This is why I kept putting off having children until it was too late. I knew I was like that and I didn’t want to make my child feel alone like I did. 😢 Thank you for explaining it so clearly though. All my life it’s just felt like connection was hopeless. It’s the source of all my depression and suicidal ideation - this idea that connection is just hopeless. But now instead of this amorphous hopelessness shadowing my life, there’s an explanation.
i hear you
God bless ❤ hoping for the best for our
i feel the same way. i hope it works out somehow. but i have no idea how
This is the first time I have ever heard anyone talk about dissociative disorder. I need to get it off my chest how horrible school and training for a new job was. The stress of pushing myself to do well, combined with generalized anxiety disorder and dissociating, as soon as information came in my mind, it was frequently hidden from immediate access as a protective measure. As a child, I realize now that during or immediately after a traumatic event, I would go blank and not know what was going on.
Yes, it was that bad and worse.
For all who suffer senselessly, I am in your corner and cheering for the victory CHRIST died to give you.
Oh my goodness, I have never heard of this before. But, I can see how real this is. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with this in their lives. Please know that you are doing the best you can. My love goes out to anyone affected by this.
This is so heartbreaking because it’s a result of so much heavy trauma that the child has to leave the body to be able to cope with the horrific circumstances they found themselves in. 😞
I have it too. And when I was a little girl, I left my body so often that I would walk into walls. My parents were divorced by the time I was 4 and my mom chased the Flower Child movement out to Los Angeles. I had a bad burn scar on my left arm at the age of 2 (from a kitchen accident) which required an extensive plastic surgery repair when I was 6 - I flew across the country and back by myself at the time.
My mom got remarried and had a baby boy - and she and stepdad invited sixteen people home to live with us for two weeks. It was the Summer of Love and we lived in Los Angeles.
I think the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family had just begun to be popular - depicting two modern day family scenarios - which were both drastically different from the family I lived in. Alcoholism, drug use, nudity, neglect and days when our mom didn't get out of bed were all part of that trauma. That and my bio dad completely abandoned my sis and me and we were s.a. by our teenage babysitters for years.
There were lots of amazing beautiful moments too and a lot of love in our family - but I think when the trauma is stuffed down deep it surfaces in the form of addiction and alcoholism - and for some they also repeat the abuse they received.
I didn't even realize I might be dissociating with my now grown kids. This is very awakening. ..
@@kamivelasquez3119*hugs* you’ve been through a lot ❤
I'm so sorry you went through all that. I really hope you're able to heal and feel a greater degree of peace each passing day. ♥️
The only thing heartbreaking here is the abusers thinking that they deserve pity for choosing to continue the cycle of abuse. Abort or adopt. You deserve zero pity for harming helpless children!
How does the child leave the body😮
This was my parents and it was devastating. I’m very affectionate and involved with my son. I play, sing, talk and hug and kiss him all day long, even when I’m exhausted and stressed. I don’t want him to go through the pain I went through. I want him to know he’s loved and wanted and important. It’s exhausting but worth it.
My mum had a severe infection to hear hearing nerve which caused brain damage and nearly complete loss of hearing on one side. After that for weeks she was like this. It was terrible for me, because it was so confusing. She was there, but it felt like she had died.
Luckily she was sent to a recovery clinic (in Germany health insurance pays for this, which makes life much easier) and returned to be her old self.
To think children grow up with a parent who's constantly in this state is terrifying.
My father suffered a near fatal accident that left him permanently disabled when I just barely a month old. The stress of his disability made him mentally check out though he was always present in the home. I barely knew the man.
I’m not a parent, but this is so real. Sending love to the parents struggling out here. ❤ being a whole human & raising a whole human- just, how.
Being present. That’s how. Presence.
"This is how I exist."
This. Is. Me. 😢
Me to 😢
🤍
Me 3. 😢 I'm turning 65 on Sun and this is how I've always been. This is how I cope in this world to survive. I'm disassociated from everything and everyone. Even my own self. My true self. My unfulfilled potential. God help me. But even Him I keep at an arms distance away. 😢
@lostgurl1379 hugs, this is me also. Same age, childhood trauma, a lot of truama.
Holy shizzle! You described me! Never have I been able to put everything I feel into words, yet bingo! This hits home.
Saving this gem!
I’m 25 and asked a lot if I want kids but I spend most of my life dissociated so I just can’t bring a life into this world that has a mom who can’t cope.
I’m planning on figuring out my mental state and fostering to adopt or just fostering later in life when/if I figure it out.
Thank you for showing how this impacts the child, as well as how much the parent wishes they could live a more connected life.
This is heartbreaking but really needed to be heard to put things into perspective.
Having lived myself with both a dissociated parent + then dissociated myself, I can relate to how heart breaking it can be
Thank you for your work and all your help, Dr. LePera. You are so appreciated.
So nice when she said I wish you cared about me... Knowing those bums really can't.
I love how these prove to me that I’m a good mom. 😊 I’m a disassociated parent but I still know my kids character names and play games with them. I check in to make sure they feel seen. I’m just glad that, with all the books and social support, I made it. 🤩
I’m a 50 year old mother of three. Went through the CPS system myself and I identified with this so much. I’ve never been able to get treatment and my family doctors have always said I’m fine. I feel like I’ve been living with ptsd my whole life. I’m this, my this felt like I had a breakthrough watching this
I’ve observed a woman with NPD behave like this. She was always agitated and avoided interacting with her kids.
However, when she would see her kids laughing with another adult, she would make sure to ruin the moment, often someone would end up upset or crying, so everyone had to be quiet around her, walk on eggshells, and don’t display any joy. She couldn’t be happy so no one else was allowed to be happy. It would deeply offended her.
She did try buying love by getting toys for her kids or take them to a store and they could get literally anything, nothing was denied, and then she would disappear behind a closed door again.
If another adult would buy anything for the kids, and the kids happened to be extra happy, there would also be price to pay. Jealousy and bullying were ever present.
I really believe that she primarily just cared about herself. She would fight her kids if they ate her candy or drank her last soda pop. Some things were ‘hers’ only. She was the most important individual and everyone had to adjust their behavior to her mood.
Amazing how present she could be when it was time to terrorize someone. Several times it was her jealousy over her kids birthday. She would ruin those events too. She couldn’t stand any attention going to anybody else but her.
Yeah that's very unfortunate. It sounds very much like NPD. But those people must be damaged too so I don't know how much condemnation we should have for them I think more pity than anything. It sounds like she couldn't feel happiness or joy and that's a pretty sad way to live. I'm sorry that you didn't have a happier experience living with her. I hope you find only healthy happy partners from now on.
Talking about your daughter named Linda by any chance? Sounds like you're describing my mother in law to a tee. Coincidentally, her own mother's name is Leona. lol
Narcissistic Personality? Is that NPD? Because yeah, her problems went beyond dissociating. Dissociating is a self preservation survival technique and is passive. Her behavior sounded like she was trying actively to make sure her children had a horrible life, which is different.
You have no idea how much this just blessed and healed me.
Please receive this abundance of blessings.
May you go on to heal countless others. May you continue to inspire. May you in engulfed in LOVE JOY and PEACE.
Keep shining! ❤🎉❤
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! .. for explaining this so eloquently and right on spot. You just described my whole life exactly. Now I can share your vid with my loved ones in hopes that they can understand. I appreciate all the work that you do! ❤
I hate that I feel this way and therapy takes so long. I just want to feel happy now. I hate this perpetual survival state. It feels so unfair that my life is so bad and it's not even my fault.
Therapy takes time, but the time will pass anyways 👍
(Take this for whatever it is worth. It helped me, just trying to pay the wisdom forward)
I hope you have a good therapist that will tell you that you having a bad life *is* actually your fault. The bad incidents or situations that happened to you are *not* your fault. But how you move forward and whether you take control of your life or not is all up to you.
@@BetterMe981 Yeah, I knew something was off when I moved out of home at 18. I'm 23 now, doing therapy for different things for the past 4 years. After going through 12 therapists, I found 1 good one for 1 an isolated event of trauma and 1 good one (my current one) for personality/attachment trauma/CPTSD.
Because psychological safety is most easily created in an environment that's absent of criticism, he uses free association, a psychoanalytic technique that observes beliefs, thoughts, behaviours and allows the client to have control of the session, just having a therapist as a blank canvas to paint emotions on and be heard. A stable base. It works. I'm working through a lot of shit I didn't think I would be able to this soon. Although I'm not yet where I want to be, things are going well. Thanks for your concern. I hope things are going well for you, too.
This just hit me hard and i now understand why my son is always asking me if i love him. I am so busy working and trying to do it all that I'm just here.
Hope things get better for you guys ❤
I did such a good job! I did the best I could with no information. Counseling was still taboo in society, and there was virtually no information about this. I left the home of my narcissistic mother and alcoholic father at age 13. I became a mother at 17, many many years ago now, I basically did a 180 with my children. I did everything with love, not always present, but always mindfully, empathically. Every decision was done thoughtfully with love. We spent most of our time in nature, after leaving his physically abusive father. I think it was moving to and spending time in the mountains and rivers that healed me and made my children lives better. Idk how I knew. Perhaps it was instinctual. I'm so thankful to know and bear witness to the healing tools, and helpers that are available and the healing that is occurring.
Just a reminder for everyone else out there who struggles with disassociation: Professional Help Can Help. I have dissociative identity disorder, and with a good therapist and support from my husband I've been able to manage and get out of these episodes more often than not now a days. There is hope to be present again in life and to truly reconnect with friends, family, hobbies,- all aspects of life. It takes time and work in therapy but if I can do it, you can too