Babies Bodies Remember Separation Trauma at Birth Jeanette Yoffe M.F.T.
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- čas přidán 20. 07. 2018
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This is the only trauma that those of us who experience it are told that we 'were lucky'. 53 and still dealing with it.
Yes I am sorry this is so. Today more than ever trauma is more understood and researched. Know that you can regulate now and repair your trauma, through breathing, tapping in, and finding ways to sooth the body's nervous system. Watch this playlist here for tips: czcams.com/play/PLv3YZUTYaRRuLqohW-TQAv3G2aMhmuMbp.html
"yeah you are lucky because you were picked. Your special because you were chosen. Imagine what your life could of been like if you hadn't been adopted"
Ever hear comments like that?
@@MrHaig89 I would have been raised by a very loving, albeit very young mother.
56 and still dealing with the possibility of having suffered this trauma. Just beginning to discover. Who is the first lady to appear in the video? I want to get more information on her. Thank you!
As an adoptee, I WAS lucky, since my BM could not raise me and I needed a family. Did it make it less traumatic? No. I still suffer mental issues because of it.
I wish to God that people understood this. Adoption is a special kind of hell.
Amen to that. It's a special kind of hell inflicted on those who didn't do anything to deserve it.
Separation of a baby from its mother is not part of the original design/plan and has negative consequences. Being uninformed about this makes it more difficult for caregivers and family members. The more information and understanding the better the outcome. Which is just Love. It didn't used to be like this. Back before adoption was very popular they would have mothers and babies bond for two years and then the baby was given up for adoption because they knew the baby would have more of a Fighting Chance for a successful life. And it was better for the Mother.
As an adult adoptee, I have found (through personal experience and literature ) that the new born adopted baby puts "strong firewalls" in place to prevent ANY possibility of having to go through ANYTHING that IT perceives as a re-enactment of that original trauma , even if it makes no sense to the adult brain. This is because it was laid in as "protection" in the subconscious side of the brain at such an early time.
My adoptive father molested me for 12 years. Mom broke 5 of my bones and I wound up in foster care at 15. Remember my story when you are thinking of giving your precious child up to an imaginary family. You have no idea what you are doing to your child you are being told a lie.
This comment!
I still feel it. Adoptee
Agreed. 50 year old adoptee
Yep.
Same here- 53 year old (late discovery) adoptee
52 years old. I still feel this and think about it a lot. I thought I was the only one. 🙂
Im 43 and realizing most of my problems as an adult are related to this event.
I never made the connection between my problems and my relinquishment well into adulthood. Reading The Primal Wound was like looking into a mirror for the first time. But thinking of alllllll the work I have in order to “fix” myself is beyond daunting.
I’ve had a blessed life, my parents were the best, I don’t have a relationship with my birth mom, (long story), but to this day I fear abandonment and will cry if I think I’ve been left behind. I’m 53
Good to know you were blessed. I have heard other adoptees say they had a good life but empty inside
This is interesting. I always thought I was happy growing up and thought that I had a good family environment despite being adopted at birth. Now I wonder if I was simply lying to myself. I've always been incredibly hurt by breakups, friends drifting apart from me, and getting the impression that people find me rather unremarkable and don't take me seriously. Several years ago I went from feeling pretty good most of the time to irrationally worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. My own mortality, tragic accidents, the loss of a pet, etc. I've found myself in a constant state of worry and have also dealt with the sudden onset of many chronic pain issues. I did quite a bit of reading during this time. And one guy in particular, Dr. Sarno, really seemed to make sense. At first I thought the trauma I must have endured to bring all of this on was the sudden death of both my best friend of over twenty years and my adoptive father passing away within a year of my friend. But I'm wondering if the real trauma that planted the seed so to speak was the separation of me and my my mother on the day I was born. Maybe these other losses were just the catalyst that helped bring it to the forefront, thus making my mind create distractions to try to help shield me from that emotional pain, since I was already dealing with so much. Have there been any studies regarding a reunion with birth parents, and whether or not hearing their voice, and having physical contact with them, even decades later, can help to heal some of that trauma? I've just now begun the journey of trying to find my birth mother. And even though it's 46 years after the fact, I can't help but being excited about the possibility of reconnecting with someone with whom I share the deepest connection I've ever had with anyone, even if I don't remember that connection.
Our unresolved loss will be triggered in the present, your reaction is hysterical because it is historical. I highly recommend watching this playlist about the primal wound: bit.ly/3dqKlXu
Please subscribe and see the new videos I am uploading explaining more about trauma.
You may also benefit from attending a support group with adoptees here:
Adopt Salon Support Groups: bit.ly/2Q42yS0
Zoom support group here: celiacenter.org/events/adopt_salon_support_group_06-02-2021/
So sorry you have gone trough this. I think even someone who was not adopted but has experienced other traumatic events like bullying, narcissistic or sociopathic parents, loss of one or both parents during childhood, and loss of a good friend or even a beloved pet, can suddenly experience trauma, anxiety, depression and other disorders. I think the loss of your friend and adoptive father is more present then the loss of your birth mother that you don't remember. Even if it was traumatic, the other two losses are more traumatic I think because they are also more recent. There are people that have been abandoned at 3 or 4 years old by their mother or father or both parents and they do not experience any trauma whatsoever. I think if you were happy and carefree until the loss of your friend and adoptive father that those were the biggest triggers and not the abandonment of your birth mother at birth since you then were adopted and there was a continuation in the care and love in form of adoptive parents. But after your adoptive father died, there was no father anymore. So it left an emptiness that was not refilled so to speak. Same with your friend, since nobody can replace them.
This.
My poor baby.
He was taken by DCS 3 days after he was born as the hospital over exaggerated my mental health and even made lies in their documents. He's now 7 months old and his need to see my face when where together is becoming clingy. He cries even if I'm in the same room but I'm not facing him. He doesn't like leaving and even begins to cry. He looks at me every chance he gets. Even when he's tired he tries to stay awake but when he can't I talk to him and rock him so he can still have sensory of me being near him.
Praying for healing for you both ❤ you’re a wonderful momma. I can feel your love for him
Very interesting subject I've never thought of that in this way. Thankyou, I'm grateful for your insight. I'm so glad I was adopted at birth by my parents, I couldn't imagine my life without them, they were loving and gave me a good life. I was also an only child in this family. However, I suffered separation anxiety and heartbreak when I was a small child, every time my (adopted) parents would go out for the night and leave me with a baby sitter who were family anyway, I knew them well, but thought I'd never see my parents ever again and I didn't understand why I felt this way, I was a super sensitive child anyway. This happened at sleepovers too, I remember being driven home late at night because I couldn't bare to be away from my parents. I remember crying at the school gates when my mother dropped me off, I had suffered deep heartache, a very real feeling of loss, until I was distracted by others. This separation anxiety has carried on into my 40's. I sometimes suffer anxiety when my husband goes to work, thinking I'm never going to see him again and I'll be alone, the feeling of loss is sometimes unbearable. Having my own children has helped a great deal with separation anxiety, but it still lurks in every now and then, I'm ok though.
This lady specializes in helping with separation trauma from adoption.
czcams.com/video/GLJ97WlcDPs/video.html
I know exactly what your talking about. Anytime I got dropped of at a gran parents house or even left at a friend's house I would run to a window as my adopted parents left the building crying thinking I was getting left. For good.i remember chasing my adopted dad's car has it drove out of a kids play park only to discover it wasnt my dad it was 2 older ladies .My dad was now chasing me wondering why I was chasing a random car.
They had the same car. Again thought I was getting left. The list goes on.
I totally agree. If a baby can feel the love of their mother while in the whom, they can also feel the hate, or at least lack of love, from the mother. Babies pop out knowing if they are wanted or not.
Deep therapy confirms the pain of separation trauma at birth. Thanks for posting
You have a beautiful empathetic way of explaining it even in the way you use your hands to explain in, and softness of your voice, I'm adopted, alot of us were so angry and we just wanted to be understood but they didn't have to knowledge to understand, we have to forgive that, this is lovely to see you explaining it so well and for that thank you
Thank you for your kind words. Of course you are angry, that is part of the grieving process! As we have come to better understand trauma, grief and loss, and the impact for adoptees/first mothers, we can come to to a place of compassion for ourselves and our mothers. We are results of a faulty system. We are evolving more and more to change the practice in adoption and do what is necessary, to support women and children staying together.
I was removed and taken into foster care because my mother was murdered when I was three. I remember thinking I must have been a bad girl and my mom would come back when I learned my lesson. Shortly after my Birth Father came to get me. His wife adopted me and I lived a Cinderella (me) life, with a wicked adopted mom and two sisters that I had to wait on hand and foot.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am very sorry for your loss and challenging upbringing. I hope you can find some solace in your soul and live the life you were meant to live with dignity, worth, and pride as an adult now.
I lived the first year of my life at an orphanage, which I didn't think was a long time, but then I baby sat a one year old last summer, and all that little toddler could say was that he wanted his mama back. I was like, I didn't even have one at your age, can you shut up about your mama? Lol
Our unresolved loss will be triggered in the present, you are having a normal reaction to an abnormal event. You have a right to yell, cry, kick and scream for your mama back to. You probably did, but your pain was not nurtured. I am sorry for your loss. I highly recommend watching this playlist of the primal wound: bit.ly/3dqKlXu
I have relived that trauma at 61 and remembered not feeling any attachement in the womb.
I know this was 2 years ago but I am also 53 and still coming to terms with how much this has affected me. How do I begin to heal this longing? I realize that it has influenced almost every area of my life.
I am learning about the placenta being a twin and we feel separation when abruptly removed. I replaced mine with a blanket. When my mother was finally able to get the nasty thing away from me for good, I replaced it with a stuffed animal. At 64 I still sit with one in my recliner.
My parents left me 3day after birth to go on vacation for a month and came back.
I’m 40 and have succeeded financially and family wise. now I have weird suicide thoughts I never had.
• I always knew something was wrong, I thought it was me
• I had a low self esteem as a child growing up
• I discovered via DNA at age 59 that I was adopted
• I had a good loving & safe home
• I hate adoption with every breath I take
• I hate that my identity was stolen
• I hate I lost my mother, father, grandparents, siblings, aunts & a uncle, family histories & my cultures, denied my vital medical history.
• I hate that my birth certificate was cancelled and they fabricated a "FAKE" birth certificate that says that I was born to adopted parents - that is delusional
• I relied on that “FAKE” birth certificate for 59 years
• I hate that I did not grow up with my brothers & sisters (8)
• Those who say "I am glad I was adopted" you are most likely suffering a type of Stockholm Syndrome" or adoption fog
• Now I am not saying that you can't love your carers
• Your carers were the ones who decided that "they needed" to steal your identity to make you their own
• As a long-term foster carer, I know I do not need to steal a child’s identity, change their birth certificate, change their name to care for them
• If there was a choice between you and another child, you could only be fostered under a guardianship order and the other child via Adoption which child do you think your carers would have chosen?
• Adoption is not about saving a child it is about providing a child more often, to childless couples - it is never about the child.
• Adoption is property law - Adoptees are a party to a contract of ownership they were not signatories to.
• Adoptees were & are commodities traded or sold
• Adoptees are discriminated under this archaic legislation; records can be sealed or heavily redacted
• Getting out of this contract as adults can be very difficult if not impossible
• I was not a blank slate
• I was severed from my mother at birth and kept away from her for 6 weeks only to be dressed by her minutes before my adoption and she was gone again
• I spent my first days or weeks in a drawer in a chest of drawers because my carers did not have the money to buy me a cot.
• Adoption is a Human Rights Abuse
• Adoption is failure of the state to support a mother & child to preserve their unique bond
You are spot on and amazing. What an intellect. You parsed through and clarified a lot. I hope the wider world adapts your findings.
Society should aim to help the mother keep her child - mental health support, financial, housing, education, etc. Their is money for wars so they know they can afford this.
The American adoption is comodifying children and exploiting mothers. It's sadistic and financially motivated. Even worse in the workhouses and Magdelyn laundries scenarios. It's selling, torturing children and maternal labor/work aka. slavery.
I agree with you whole heartedly and I grew up in a home where I knew that I was their second choice even though they said I was their first choice and their words never lined up with their actions especially when they had a real daughter who was everything they wanted. At least the neighborhood I grew up in loved me even if the house I was forced to grow up in now didn't. I missed out on a husband and family because of everyone else as well as important health history information and a mayflower scholarship. I could have a real life right now instead of living in my car and the man who should have been my husband would not be an emotional abuse victim every minute of every day.
Stop projecting your pain onto others, not everybody has "Stockholm syndrome" who feel alright with their adoption! There are abusive, horrible bio families, and not every bmom and child has that "unique bond". If somebody can't or don't want to parenting, then forcing them to do so isn't the solution.
@@despaversailles you know what the great thing about being legally an adult and being able to see through all the gaslighting people like you spew is? Guess what you can't tell me what to think or say or feel! And you also can't change the statistics which are babies belong with their families not their purchasers.
@@songoftheblackunicorn666 I don't give a single how you feel or anything, nobody wants to say how you should feel or speak: i don't belong in my natural family, believe it or not, but there are horrible abusive bio families as well. There are also statistics about that... Not every adoptee has the same story! In my country this anti adoption bs doesn't even exist.
Hi! I loved this video. Is there a chance you could tell me where you found the study about children that were given to women, that weren't their biological mothers, right after birth? Thanks in Advance!
This makes so many things make sense. Thank you
How do I reconnect with my daughter? She was taken when she was 8, told that she had "failure to thrive". I have proof otherwise but I've been told that she has a serious anxiety attack when we are mentioned in her presence. She has been bounced all over; adopted by a sister; dumped; adopted by someone else after bouncing all around the area. Now she's living with another sister who is isolating her from everyone.
Than you!❤
Thank u for making this visible.
My pleasure
I was taking from my birth mother by social services put into foster care adopted at 3years old. Had a normal happyish up bringing .had some bullshit to deal with but who hasn't. Turned 30 and started having unexpected random anxiety symptoms and attacks. For the past 6 months been trying to find out why. I'm only know wondering if the anxiety could be connected to my 1st 3 years of life. I have absolutely no memories from that time.
Hi. It may be related. Anything in the environment can be a trigger reminder- focus on the 5 senses when you are experiencing anxiety to soothe your anxiety. Here is a class I recently did that may be helpful for you: bit.ly/3rpCEo5
@@Jeanette-icallySpeaking thank you
That’s right!
I wonder how this works with surrogacy
same trauma
God help me
NOW with the emotional epigenetic links added to that as well.. I also felt good life, but def loss abandonment rejection... releasing this resolving this.. would like to email you Jeanette to discuss process I am using for this healing... curious to know your input.
Yes please email me jeanette@yoffetherapy.com
I have presumably suffered a separation at birth and was transferred to another mother. But this memory is totally blocked, is totally removed into the subconscious. I know of it merely from a spiritual teacher who can read the Akasha chronicles. Who is the first woman speaking/appearing in the video? I want to get information about her. Thank you!
Hi Stephan. My name is Jeanette Yoffe please visit my website here: www.jeanetteyoffe.com/ as well as Subscribe to this CZcams channel czcams.com/users/JeanetteYoffeFosterCareAdoptionTherapyvideos that has many, many more videos for you to watch and learn about your experience. Join a support group here: celiacenter.org/events-calendar-support-groups/
My girlfriend was adopted from quite a young age due to a tumultuous family environment and I can tell you that I love her unconditionally and more than life itself. What I've realised is that we aren't just a product of our lineage, the human race is one huge interconnected web of love and kindness if you're ready to accept it and open up to it. The feeling of unbelonging is something that we all experience in some form or another, whether through our interests, quirks, or dispositions, but that's what makes us unique. The world has created the perception of separation but it's totally wrong and never has there been an age where humans are seeking as much connection as they are now. I hope if you feel sad or lost that for whatever reason that you know there are people out there who love you deeply and in a way that can be just as infinite as the love of a blood relative.
One hundred percent ccorrect.....
Babies don't have explicit memory or recall as the hippocampus is not fully developed at birth; that takes about two and one half years. An interesting effect of this is infantile amnesia--most people do not have declarative memories from their first couple years of life.However trauma experienced is remembered subconsciously.saying that the body remembers is an odd way of describing it but we get her drift, I guess.
Thank you for sharing. You are correct about explicit memory. This is implicit memory. In Utero and separation from the mother at birth is a traumatic experience that is downloaded into the body. There is a new documentary InUTERO you might want to watch to learn more: bit.ly/3QmPfFu
As well as an article about relinquishment trauma: mariedolfi.com/adoption-resource/relinquishment-trauma-the-forgotten-trauma/#prettyPhoto
And what about a separated baby after 2 months outside womb? Is it the same?
Yes, the first 3 years of life you have implicit memory, you cannot consciously remember but your body remembers the separation on a cellular level. Read the book: amzn.to/3ftdv5X
@@Jeanette-icallySpeaking i find this video quite interesting. I was separated from my mother at 4 months (she traveled to another country to work). I was raised by my grandmother until the age of 2 and a half years. That’s when my parents came back to get me. So at 2 and a half I was separated from my grandmother. Before I was 3 I faced separation from my carer twice. I always felt disconnected from my mother. Since I gave birth to my daughter (18 months ago) there hasn’t past a day that I haven’t felt rage towards my mother.
A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-men!!!!
How sad. Adopters like to think that babies are blank slates.
I’ve been seeing a few videos on this topic. My biggest question would be if children start to act out before or after they find out they are adopted?
If it’s after they find out, it’s very likely the majority of their issues are coming from abandonment.
What if the mother has not attached to the baby? What if the mother is a danger to the child's life.
This can happen. The infant, I believe, can download energetically- psychologically and emotionally- through the umbilical chord via hormones that their mother, is not with them and disconnected, which can leave the infant to enter the world with feelings of "detachment" or "non-existence."
Think about the kids That are adopted at much older . I see a lot of videos covering babys separated at birth it must be worse for kids separated at say 1 or 2 or even older.
I think that the separation at birth is surely traumatic for the baby at that moment in time, but that this does not mean it will remain traumatic for the rest of that person's live specially if the adoptive parents are treating that child good and providing a healthy home. Many times for that baby to have remained with their birth mother and/or father would have lead to much more trauma, abuse and even death.
The adoptees that don't have it good with their adoptive parents are of course very bad off and if they search their birth parents and get rejected, they then have no real parents that care about them. I think those are the ones that must suffer the most. Or the children that have only known their parents but are unable to have a good relationship with them, because their parents do not love them. Those children many times wish they were adopted by loving and caring parents.
I was adopted into a loving, non-abusive family and ended up with complex PTSD as a result. My genetic parents married seven days after my mother signed the adoption consent form and went on to raise two more children who are well-adjusted and successful. I've had the picture-perfect reunion with my family but it made no difference to my PTSD symptoms. Those kids who wish they were adopted should be careful what they wish for because my life has been a special kind of hell thanks to adoption, and on paper I am one of the fortunate ones.
I'm sure you think you know what you're talking about but your thinking is simplistic because you've never experienced what it is like to be adopted. One of the things that makes it so hard being adopted is that many people dismiss your experience and expect you to be grateful for the harm that was done to you.
@@user-kx7oi9co6w
Sorry to hear your life story has been so traumatic. I can fully sympathise , as being adopted myself, I am well versed with a lot of personal lifelong strong rejection issues .The author Nancy Verrier has two books which may help - Primal Wound , and the one that I found helpful for me was Coming Home To Self. Nancy Verrier is well placed to understand adoptees. I hope you experience some relief for your struggles.
Why are we letting selfish adults to buy babies with surrogacy?. Those babies are experiencing trauma. It’s sooo so sad.
that's just esoteric nonsense. the truth is much, much more complicated than this psychoanalytical notion.