Raising Our Toddler Bilingual: The Dark Side of One Parent One Language Method
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- čas přidán 14. 01. 2022
- The good old bilingual parenting! After 2 and a half years of sticking with the One Parent One Language (OPOL) Method, I thought it was a good time to summarize our experience in this video.
I am a Hungarian dad, Alyssa is a Canadian mom and since we live in Canada, my language is the minority language!
Please share your thoughts and ideas if you are in similar situation than we are, I would love to hear about it.
This is us, but pictures ▶ / korosifam
Wondering about the music in this video?
They are from Epidemic Sound, check it out ▶ korosifam.com/ES
👪 We are Korosi Fam, a Canadian family trying to figure out this craziness that is life while we speak two languages. FUN! Come along for the ride and if you enjoy our content please consider subscribing, we have parenting wisdom here, vlogs, toddler things and lots of self reflection. One video a week. Who knows what comes next?
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#oneparentonelanguage - Jak na to + styl
I am in the same situation like you, the only difference is that I am the Mom who speaks minority language. My kid has a real strong parental preference when I spoke my language to her. I gave up earlier than you although I really admire you sticking to OPOL for so long. Really looking forward to seeing your bilingual journey! Thank you for sharing the difference voice on OPOL on CZcams, and making me feel I am not alone!
Hey brother!!! I feel you! I’m also minority language dad. And I struggle aswell,
I have to say it’s easier to me to speak German. It comes natural. But I try to keep to Spanish my mother tongue t I would say I do it 70 30 sometimes more and sometimes less. Now she understands me . But she answer mainly in majority language, looking always for a ways to make her talk more in Spanish, without being aggressive. .
I really appreciate ur video, since are mainly mother who shares this minority language blogs, and a perspective from the father is really another think.
Also I have learned consistency is very important. Keep it up!!!
Thank you for sharing your family and personal experiences on social media. I think it takes a great amount of courage. Positive comments, negative comments for sure everyone always has their opinions. I'm not exactly sure how I came across your channel, but this video of yours hit very close to my own heart. I can relate, not to you or your wife, but to your child.
I was born in the US to an American, English only speaking mother and a Hungarian father. My father moved to the US and like you, he was the only hungarian speaking person in the household. English was everywhere. Like you, my father would have had to work very hard to keep up the hungarian. The problem in my family is, he didn't. In the end my father had five children and we all sadly regret and wish wholeheartedly we had the priceless gift of being fluently bilingual.
Once we got to our teenage years my father realized how much the small gift of language could mean to us in the long run.
My father is now longer alive, but
I am now in Hungary spending time here, TRYING to learn, trying to take language classes, trying to keep the family connection, trying to absorb more of our wonderful culture. It's all very important, Google translate is great, but I'll be honest learning once you're older....it's pretty damn hard!
Often times my siblings and I think about how much we WISH our Dad would have stuck with the hungarian while communicating with us.
The relationship with your daughter is obviously extremely important and you have to find your balance. As a person who comes the perspective of a child with a hungarian father. Please don't give up, please keep trying. It may not be easy, but find the ways to make it something your daughter is more curious about and enjoys. Maybe the "special language between you and her" or if there are other hungarian kids, local groups perhaps a language school in the area?
Bilingualism is also proven to help children with developing and multitasking as well. It's more than just language benefits in her future that make will a difference.
From someone who takes great pride in both parts of my cultural background, take my word for it, your daughter will appreciate you for it in 20 years. It's a special gift. I understand decisions can always change but realistically it's just hard to change once you start something or in this case.. stop.
Either way, I'm wishing you and your family a pleasant new year and good luck.
In my opinion, learning languages or musical instruments are those type of things that seem annoying when you're a kid. When you're learning and you just want to stop, but once you get older.....you always end up saying " I wish I would have stuck with it". No one ever says I hate I learned two or three languages as a kid. Trust me it will pay off.
Again, good luck to you and sorry this being so long. Hopefully you read it all haha. It really was close to my own heart.
What a beautiful comment my friend, thank you so much for writing it! Your words made me think about my current strategy and influenced me to try harder than I currently am.
I always wondered whether she would even want to learn Hungarian given the choice or how much use she would get out of it as an adult later on. The majority of my generation (at least most all my friends) speaks some level of English, by the time she grows up I feel like she would barely come across a Hungarian her age who doesn’t speak English.
It’s fantastic that you were interested in your dad’s culture enough that you are actually in Hungary now trying to learn the language. Our culture is so vibrant, there’s so much history in Hungary and our food is just amazing isn’t it? I would love her to show interest in her Hungarian heritage later on and I know a lot of that depends on how I implement our culture in her everyday life.
I am hoping that soon enough we can spend a nice chunk of time in Hungary, which would be the perfect catalyst to get serious with the language. And I love the idea of us having a “secret” language that her mom can’t speak, that would be so handy in many situations.
To be honest, I know I could put more effort into reaching out to local Hungarians to have some play dates and subject Annabell to more Hungarian. I know some Hungarian families around and your comment made me realize that I should reach out to them.
So thanks again, your perspective was incredibly insightful and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And give yourself huge credit for learning the language, it is an extremely difficult one to learn. Good luck, sok sikert! 😉
@@KorosiFam I'm happy my comment will at least make you think more about it. You and your wife seem like great parents and it's just another one of those things you'll look at for Annabelle's future. Yes you are right, more and more people speak English everyday, but as you know it is also about her own identity and again benefits of being multilingual. There are several studies that even show developmental differences in the brain.
Hungarian culture, history, language and food are all special. Language is just one pillar of importance and that can come from you for free :-)
Continue to try and make it part of her world. Though I struggle to make up for lost time, I'm happy Hungary/Hungarian is part of mine and I'm sure Annabelle will also be happy it's part of hers. Jó szerencsét kívánok és drukkolok nektek.
This happened when I worked as a nanny for An English/ Italian family. Living in England. Mum English, Nanny English, School Nursery and school in English. Only Italian was from the dad and face timing grandparents and when the dad read in Italian. They would get so frustrated as didn't have much exposure to Italian. They understood most of what was said but only replied in English. SO understood 90% of Italian but spoke only a few words. I think if you are the parent speaking the minority language and are not the primary care giver then you need some extra help like a nursery or childcare that speaks the second language. Only watching TV etc in the second language. And when old enough get a tutor etc. I have a family friend who is Dutch but lives in Australia. They speak a mixture of Dutch and English at home. But as growing up in English speaking country. They only were ever aloud at home to have tv/ films/ books in Dutch and had tutor twice a week. They growing up could speak both and switch between with no problems.
Thanks for sharing your experience, very insightful comment. I completely agree, unfortunately there isn't any Hungarian daycare around and tutoring was never really in the picture. At this point my only hope is that later on she'll be curious enough about her heritage that she'll want to learn the language herself.
I think OPOL is probably a lot more easy when the minority language speaker is the parent who is the main carer of the baby. In your case if your wife were the one speaking Hungarian.
I've not done much research into this, but my husband is somewhat trilingual and his father's language was quite similar to how you're describing the difficulties you're having with Hungarian. He can still understand his dad's language, but prefers not to speak it.
I think it's more important to ensure you have a good relationship than to continue to try with this, as from my husband's example I know things are still rather difficult with them and being able to express themselves to each other.
That's where I was when I stopped with talking to her exclusively in Hungarian, having a good relationship is more important. This way it might be longer for her to learn it but I'd rather have her choose to learn it and then we can go at it in a pace comfortable for her. I hope she's gonna hook into the "secret language" that mommy doesn't understand aspect later on 🤞
@@KorosiFam good on you to acknowledge your child’s needs and accept her disinterest rather than continue imposing your will on her. You sound like a good father, she can always pick up Hungarian later on in life…
I’m so grateful for you talking about this. I’ve nannied with families who do OPOL and I have noticed a lot of distance and difficulty for the minority language parent. The lack of variety of minority language speakers around a child really affect them, when the child isn’t hearing the minority language from multiple people. I’m so thankful that you responded to her in a loving way without giving up on the language entirely. This is so encouraging! It is incredibly hard. It is a long journey.
Another form of teaching minority languages naturally is called “Time and Place,” which it sounds like you are currently doing! (Bath time, books, etc.)
Sometimes this is helpful because the child still builds a relationship with you securely but also understands that the expectation is to learn the minority language. I look forward to hearing more about how it goes for you!
Thanks for the video! Great sharing! Very important points!
Currently pregnant first time mom trying to raise my future baby to speak Korean (husband is English-only American). Everyone's been telling me to use the one parent one language method. I'm so glad you uploaded this to show cons of this method that not many people talk about. I can see how this method would be frustrating at times. Appreciate your honesty !
I'm glad you found some value in the video and good luck on your journey. I think the method can work wonderfully if it's being accompanied by some type of other exposure.
In your case being the mom, you will be interacting with your newborn a lot more than I did, as I was the one away at work during the day and my English speaking wife stayed home with our baby in the first year. If you have Korean speaking friends or family around, that will make a huge difference too.
It gets frustrating at times and when that happens I try to remind myself the reason why I do it, to give my daughter this invaluable gift so early in life to be able to speak 2 languages.
You got this, good luck with everything 😉👍
so my parents spoke to me in Albanian, i grew up in greece, fast forward i had a child my partner speaks greek to the kid and i speek albanian (mind you that my primary is greek because education, friends and culture have enriched this language so much for me that my parents alone at home never could reach the same level of vocabulary and phrases)
that being said we moved to a different country, czech and now our kid is picking up albanian a little bit more than greek, he understands both and due to the surrounding language being a third one, we do not have the issue you have!
The dark side for me is that i do not express myself as well as i could do in my primary language which takes away some emotion when i talk, you know the color i can add with phrases and there is something that ties a personality to a language or builds a personality even more the better you speak a language so the expression is more colorful and vibrant, something i miss when i speak albanian to my kid!
i am a more boring person in albanian and much more creative and vocal in greek....so i just sacrifice that everyday :/
That is an excellent point and one I never even thought of before. I feel like I’m becoming way more expressive in English now and certainly feels like i can be more myself when speaking English. It’s quite terrifying to think about it but the reality is I barely ever use Hungarian on my day to day life here and my vocabulary has definitely shrunk over the years.
It sounds like you need to start incorporating explicit language learning tactics. It wasn't that she didn't understand you, it was that she did not have the vocabulary herself to respond to you. There are so many resources on CZcams and on the internet for methods you can use, but just know that every year she grows it will be more difficult for her to learn to speak Hungarian fluently.
A few things you can start with are more Hungarian shows and songs, even when she's not with you, Hungarian play dates, more Hungarian books signs and posters around the house, and if she speaks to you in English when you are speaking to her in Hungarian, rephrase what she said into Hungarian.
I was lucky, both my parents spoke Hungarian, as did all my cousins, aunts and uncles and there was a Hungarian community. Growing up in Canada, I'm not as fluent as I would like to be, I used to go to Hungary in the summer and my comprehension improved vastly. I love the fact that I have an extra language, Hungary is such a beautiful country with so many beautiful traditions. As my mother said, every language you speak is an asset. Don't give up, trust me, she will thank you when she is older.
Maybe she’s not ready yet
In the future she will be interested
I’m really hoping. She’s already showing signs of interest 🤞
I have no takeaways because I have no idea what it’s like. I was very interested and fully invested in your story, good job story telling. I think of the French immersion teachers in early grades where they are teaching a full class of little anglophones. They say something in French and immediately repeats it in English. So the kids understand but hear how to say it in french. It just shows her you are willing to say it in English to her as well as your wife. Equal English..
My goal is to make her fluent enough in Hungarian so by the time she goes to school we can put her into French immersion 🤞 I hope she'll enjoy learning languages cause she'll know a lot of them haha
You could talk to her sometimes in English, minority of times but sometimes I think it’s ok…I’m in the same position and sometimes it’s just logical for me to speak Spanish even though im Slovakian…in cases when I’m out with my son and surrounded by other Spanish…most of the time I speak Slovakian like 90% but sometimes it’s just makes sense to talk both languages…it shouldn’t be black and white
Thank you for sharing your story. I think the reason why this happened is that EN became too dominant very quickly and overshadowed Hungarian. Maybe you can try using another language learning method. For example the OSOL method. Here is a video I did a while ago about how to do that: czcams.com/video/fUEfiOxhdlA/video.html Hope it helps.
This!!
It is very difficult if a child is not exposed to the language enough. English is spoken all around her - but Hungarian is not. I am trying to teach my son German. He's already 9 and when he was younger it just did not work out. I still speak English with him but add a lot of German. If he doesn't understand it I will translate for him.
How has your child gone with Hungarian since the video?
The obvious answer is "go spend time in Hungary" but clearly that's not an option for you or you would already have done it. I would guess your wife has learned some Hungarian both (a) because she cares about you and (b) because she has heard you speaking it to your daughter, so maybe you could decide to have some family occasions where the whole family uses Hungarian. Obviously not everyone needs to be as fluent as you! But it is super powerful as a message for your daughter to see other people than just you speaking Hungarian and that it is something other people thing is worthy.
Nagyon izgalmas, sok szerencsét a haladáshoz! Kíváncsi vagyok mennyire fog működni a nagyszülők fordítása, meg a feliratos(?) mesék. Tudja már, hogy mit jelent az hogy nyelv meg ország meg ilyenek?
Az ország meg nyelv az jó kérdés, mindig próbálom neki magyarázni hogy most ez magyarul így meg úgy van meg hogy ez apának a nyelve. A tesz vesz szótárral nagyon el vagyunk mostanában, mindig vissza mondja magyarul a szavakat amiket fordítok neki.
Hallod Tibz amikor kerestem a B-rollt az “én magyar vagyok” részhez, nagy királyság volt ám végig pörgetni a VOLT fesztiválos videókat 🥲
@@KorosiFam kell csinálnunk egy közös nagy mappát valami felhőben
@@KorosiFam nekünk Titi 3,5 fél éves most kezd tudatosulni neki hogy mit jelent az hogy magyarul vagy angolul. Mostmár mondja hogy így mondom magyarul és így mondom angolul.De még persze vannak kavarodások meg sokszor megy a Hunglish .Nálunk az az előny hogy mind a ketten magyarul beszélünk.
@@MsNapika Az mindenkepp nagy elony nalatok, az biztos hogy Titinek nem lesz problemaja a Magyarral. A felesegemet probaltam Magyarra tanitani az elmult 9 evben de a napoknal meg a kulonbozo karomkodasoknal tovabb nem nagyon jutottunk 😅
Hú, nagyon kíváncsi vagyok, 1 hét és lebabázok, en hollandul és angolul fogok hozza beszélni, és én vagyok itthon ugye vele egész nap majd, az apuka meg magyarul. Érdekes lesz :D csak én beszélek majd körülötte hollandul..... Wish me luck :)
Tekintettel arra hogy ez a komment 3 hete tortent, remelem minden sikeresen tortent a szulessel es kisbaba meg te is jol vagytok :) Sok sikert a Holland tanitashoz 🤞
hey! updates?
Jaj! Olvastam az utolsó hozzászólást és így elbizonytalanodtam, hogy leírjam, hogy szerintem az lenne a megoldás, hogy a feleségedet is tanítanád magyarra. Talán leginkább a szeretet és az érzelmek nyelvére Annabell jelenlétében, így a kisányod is látná, hogy ez nem valami idegesítő dolog, hanem a kapcsolatteremtés eszköze számodra. Beavathatod előtte a feleségedet is, úgy biztos jobban működne. Kitartást kívánok neked, mert könnyű feladni, sok életkorban lesz még buktató.
Koszi a tippet Agi, probaltam a feleségemet magyarra tanítani egy darabig de aztán az abba maradt. Alap szavakat tud, de igazán mondatokban nem tud beszélni. Igazad van, sok lesz még a buktató és mostanában eléggé el is hanyagoltam a dolgot, a kommented emlékeztetett rá hogy igenis tovább kell ezt próbálni 😉
Hii! I'm a foreigner and I'm also living in Canada. I Would also like my children to learn my native language and I think you couldn't achieve that because you weren't teaching her words in your language ,you just started talking to her in Hungarian
Hey Cristina! Hungarian is my native language and I started talking to her in Hungarian from day 1. Once she got older and started to understand what we were saying to her, that's when I often said something in English and followed up with "and the word for this in Hungarian is: ...". Now I mostly try to teach her words and common Hungarian phrases as I speak to her in English, hoping that later on she'll show interest to learn more 🤞
Good luck on your journey 😉
@@KorosiFam good luck too!
Jaj de sajnálom hogy nem működött ez a metódus! Én Magyarországon nőttem fel, de még gyerekként Angliába költöztem és azóta csak a szüleimmel használom a magyart. Amióta elköltöztem otthonról, annyit felejtettem hogy muszály ráerőszakolnom magam hogy magyarul nézzek videókat, filmeket és olvassak, mert félek hogy teljesen el fog veszni a nyelvtudásom. Ha lesznek gyerekeim, nagyon szeretném nekik megtanítani a magyart mert hát én is azon nőttem fel, és fontosnak tartom hogy legyen kötődésük Magyarországhoz, mint nyelviekben mint kultúrában de nagyon félek hogy ugyanez lesz a helyzet, mivel az én párom is angol. Lényeg a lényeg, köszönöm ezt a videót mert fontos hogy az ember tisztában legyen a hátrányokkal-negatívumokkal is! Sok sikert, ne add fel!!
Orulok hogy hasznosnak talaltad a videot, koszi a kommentet! Az irasod alapjan nagyon jo a magyarod. Sajnos tenyleg olyan a nyelv hogy akarmilyen sokaig beszeli az ember, ha nem hasznalja akkor el lehet felejteni. En csak 10 eve elek Kanadaban, de azota erezhetoen szukult a magyar szokincstaram hiszem itt senkivel nem hasznalom a nyelvet.
Most szuletett meg a masodik gyerkoc es hozza csak magyarul beszelek, remeljuk vele jobb sikerrel fogok jarni. Habar messze nem adtam meg fel Annabellel a magyar nyelvi kuzdelmet, csak picit at kell gondolni a strategiat. Sok meset olvasok neki magyarul, a Bogyo es Baboca a kedvence, csakhat foglama sincs mirol szol :D