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What Our Culture Gets Wrong About Caring For Loved Ones
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- čas přidán 8. 05. 2024
- From Episode 140
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As someone who works in the retirement industry, my experience there has made me realize how important multi-generational families really are. Nursing homes, to me, should be a last resort not a first resort. Great video.
My mother would rather die, literally, than admit she is failing due to age. I have offered her the home next door , with support as needed from myself , my husband, and two of three grandchildren. If she eventually ends up in a nursing home it is not on me. But I do wish I had been more fully an adult when my Grannie needed daily assistance.
Amen! Listen to your kids. It crippled my family to let my mom "care for herself." She was actually being selfish and I don't know if it was just her wish to stay in her home and she realized it or if she thought she was doing us a favor living in her home. I had to take care of two homes... inside and out and drive back and forth. It exhausted me and I never got to see my kids for real for years. TAKE THE MOTHER-IN-LAW SUITE! Listen to your kids if you love them. We refused to have our parents go to "the dying places" but also know living alone and stubborn is not as good as living in an extension of your kids home where it is easy for them to care for you, you have the family back yard, and you can mix with the family when you want instead of being lonesome all the time. Your grandchildren can then actually have parents instead of loosing them as caregivers traveling to take care of two homes.
Joel chocking up on something is rare. Which speaks to how much he cares about this.
I grew up with the example of my parents taking care of my grandmother, an uncle, and a cousin. All lived with us at various times. When my Mom became ill, I moved back to the same town and while I did not live with Mom and Dad, I was there every day helping out. A few months after Mom passed away, I moved in with Dad. He was not doing well after Mom's death. He did not want to carry on. Having me there, and my dog(!) seemed to really help. He would frequently say to me that he didn't want to be such a burden. I simply told him that he took complete care of me for 18 years, so I would take care of him for the next 18 years! That did make him smile. Those years taking care of my parents were a total gift to me. I wouldn't trade that time that I got to spend with them for anything.
I love this so much! I hope my children will care for me when I get older, but I pray that one day I just won't wake up. I never want to be a burden.
I've thought of this issue for a long time, while still a very young man. I believe it is a beautiful thing to be able to take care of parents as a family or their last 18years of vulnerability just as they they took care of us as children in our first 18 years of vulnerability. The way we come in, is the way we go out. Let's stop being so selfish building our sand castles and make family the priority of life
You said it well Joel. From daycare to nursing homes we've lost our loyalty to care for our families. Thanks for speaking on this. Love and appreciate your tender heart.
This is you at your best! This information is so needed. I feel that our fierce independence is the root of our societies problems. We have lost the idea of community.
I’m taking care of my parents. They live in their own home but need help with cooking and transportation to appointments. I have found that they will do less and less if they think I will do it instead so I need to make them do stuff for themselves.
Hahaha, that's my mom. She acts frail until I'm out of the room. I've learned to give her taskes just to keep her on her toes
Just what I needed to hear! Especially “we will never regret the time we invested”! I travelled across the country to assist my dad caring for my mom in her last days/weeks. She has hospice care & they estimate a couple of weeks. I don’t know how long it will be, but I am grateful for the opportunity to serve both her & my Dad and get these last moments (when she’s awake) with her! We are also praying she will go peacefully in her sleep, since she’s having more pain & more difficulty getting around even with a walker.
My sister and I would both love to be able to help take care of Dad. Even though we were not raised with him and he can be a difficult person to care for.He moved in with my sister 8 years ago into a room of the side of their home. They did all they could but he refused to walk and get up to take care if himself. Mt sister was running around doing all his shopping of course but he wanted fast food alot of the time and would sit in front of the TV. My sister has MS. We both have had health struggles and when you have a large man over 300 lbs. that acts like a toddler and no one can tell him what to do with his gun by his side.. there's not alot that can be done. It finally got bad enough she had to put him in a nursing home. We go see him and make sure he has what he needs. I would say one of the biggest issues is that so many generations has abandoned truth, God's Word for entertainment and are so depraved and brain washed couple that with toxic and poisoned from the systems that have been created and it is a recipe for disaster!! Demons run rampant in our society at every level, toddlesr to 90s +. The only thing that will help is true repentance and seeking Yahs Word daily. Then and only then can we begin to heal and the rest will fall into place as it should.
There’s a broken link in the relation. If we had multi generation homes, the links are strong and there’s respect on all levels that allow everyone to work with each other in respect and love. I’m sorry your dad had that missing link of connection and respect for your sister.
❤ Such an important topic, and you are right about this. I have always hoped I could have a similar situation as I became less independent. I still hope for it one day as a 68 yr old widow who is over an hour from family. I am working to find a used mfg home in the city they live in. I'll be closer, at least, which for now, which is the best we can do. My greatest fear is becoming one of the warehouses elderly. I know too much about the broken elder care system, so many end up in.
I've seen the benefit of it in the lives of a few friends who have made room for elderly parents. and the whole family thrives for it. My husband and I watched over our elderly neighbor until she passed at 95. She lived across the street from us and had been a part of my husband's life since he was a teenager. He bought the house across the street from her because she was like family to him. To share our lives with this elderly friend and care for her was an honor and blessing.
I just listened to the full episode and thank you🙌🏽 I am caring for my elderly parents and also helped with grandparents. I do value this time even though it can be difficult. I don’t agree that people nowadays are just selfish- I think huge civilization changes and economic shifts got us where we are today… a place that I also don’t like- but I’m not ready to say people are selfish and unwilling to help. Some yes, but not all. The pressures of modern civilization are not conducive to any kind of health, happiness or freedom to care for one’s family properly.
I love my multi-generational home life!
My 73 mother thinks I am crazy having my daughter and grandchildren living with my husband and I.
This is so important. Your mom is such a sweet lady and I love how she was and says hi when we walk by and she's on the front porch. Makes me feel like I'm at my grandma's.
I don't want to be a burden to my kids but I really don't want to go to a "Nursing Home." That's great that mom is still on the farm at over 100 years old! Wow, a local woman taking care of mom and her being in a safe place. She probably missed her parents so your mom is a nice connection for her and having a safe place to stay and help someone and be fed herself has worked well for her. It's a wonderful win-win for her and your family! Thanks for sharing about this Joel.
We falsely believe the " experts" will fix "it" whatever " it " is, or can do xyz... better. I often hear, if the elderly keep falling, put them in a nursing home. As if that will stop their falls. The illusion is there will be " staff" there ..but reality is most places are grossly understaffed. I don't think the public grasps HOW understaffed... like 30+ to one person at night..one nurse for a building of 100... Programs do not " call" it understaffed because it's "legal." There are more falls for a variety of reasons, one being the elder has now lost sense of " direction" due to no " anchors/memory" of the environment ( we operate more on embedded old memory, like muscle memory as we age ) Thats one reason, why so many seem to age " faster" once in an "elderly home." You hear ..Ironically..." I am SO glad we placed her there." Even if it's a nice, beautiful facility. People also think they will have more time and less worry. But reality is you have LESS control and choices, time.....because loved one is now subject to rules, regs, disclosure, you still operate, but through second, third, fourth parties....not in/near your private home, buisness can ge cold. What we view as " best" is much like our view of education.
You made such a good point that they're not necessarily safer in a nursing home. I hadn't thought of it that way.
Thank you for offering this interview. Our team wants to work with Mr. Salatin to build Senior Communities. We reached out through Tai Lopez. Fantastic interview. 👏
It really depends on the situation. I farm the farm that I rent from my grandma, I live on a farmstead 1/4 mile away, she lives on the other farmstead on our place. She’s in good health, except her eye sight, but can take care of herself on a daily basis. My other grandparents live in town with my mom. My grandmother has dementia and cannot be left alone, my grandfather has heart issues and Parkinson’s and can no longer drive. I help them as best as I can, and my mom is there but she’s also a teacher. Because of her parents health deterioration in such a short span of time my mom has decided to retire early. It’s really not safe for either of my grandparents to be left a line at all. I do their yard, and am happy to do so, but with my cattle, hay, and organic grains it is a lot to juggle. It’s not that we don’t love them, it’s just that there’s only so much care we can give when we are a small family.
Great encouragement with what you have accomplished with/for your mom Joel. What's Daniels take on all this? Have you, as a family discussed expectations as you and Teresa move into your 150's? Love y'all.
This disintegration of the family unit, especially with the expectation that the children will move out and away for work, was fostered and promoted by those that control the media. Also, the promotion of women’s liberation was to get mothers and children separated, to the detriment for both. The formation of “old folk homes” for profit of course, was promoted as the modern way to care for the elderly to separate the intergenerational relationships. This was all by design.
ThankQ