Stop Reacting To Difficult Coworkers ⛔
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- čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
- Your toxic coworker is trying to get you to react. They want to make you look bad. That means if you react, they win. Which means you know how to stop reacting to toxic coworkers. Responding not reacting is really, key but it’s easier said than done. So in this video I’m sharing how to deescalate your reaction so you now how not to react emotionally, and three career success strategies that will help you rise above your difficult coworker’s drama and antics (‘cause let’s face it, playing their game you’re gonna lose, so you need to play your own).
CHAPTERS
0:00 Intro
0:21 We need to acknowledge this...
1:15 Why you can't react
2:26 This is why you WANT to react
3:50 How to deescalate your reaction
7:22 How to respond
12:11 Be prepared for conflict
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It's called reactive abuse and they do it on purpose to make you look unstable. I have worked with people who will RELENTLESSLY say passive-aggressive crap, highlight your mistakes (while hiding their own), and play the victim when you try to bridge the gap and talk it out with them. Best thing you can do is keep your proficiency high and jump ship if your leadership is too stupid to see them as a problem. Funny thing is that you eventually learn that this means they are threatened by you.
Thank you for this. I felt like one of my coworkers was lowkey taking jabs at me because I was from the same background as his ex. My theory was that she broke it off badly and I resembled her enough for this coworker to be harder than me compared to how he treated everyone else.
When your boss IS the bully as well, yea, run fast
Absolutely! I agree 100%
thank you. I knew someone at work who really got on my nerves even when he's silent
@@morethanamess1980 you sound like you're projecting... hard...
I don't feel like this is very realistic. Especially when dealing with discrimination as a black person, this doesn't work. I'm very non-confrontational and I can tell you that holding my tongue etc. has done nothing but enable bullies and toxic coworkers to ruin my reputation and try to get rid of me every time. In my experience, it's best to speak up but be wise about how you do it. Your peace of mind is also important.
Well said. I agree with you. We need to call them on their mistreatment and attacks. Get the same with my manager from time to time. Had to go to our director with the matter. He (director )really didn't want to call my manager on his stuff but ultimately my manager was wrong. I refused to be treated badly.
I super agree. Especially when you the wrong color. This is reality for me so i get em on the back end and play games too. F it. You can't beat em so i joined the party. Only way you can stop the crap is get another job where you appreciated.
Black people discriminate as well. I'm one white with 50 black coworkers. Ya'll do it too! Even worse.
@@blackdahlia4U Even worse? History up until the past 4 decades proves otherwise. I'd take a sassy comment over being murdered in cold blood any day.
@@ledam2654 It's not always about you ya know, I'm not even white but in the end every race has gone through hell. In the end we all bleed red.
I really don’t get why people have to act toxic in the first place it baffles me
Some people never matured past the pre teen/teenage years I suppose and now these so called "adults" are now working jobs. SMH.
It's a power play.
It’s because that’s who they really are ,take this as an opportunity to learn and grow ,this happened for you ,not to you reframe the way you see it
Because they never left high school- its pathetic. I've seen grown women bully younger members of staff. I do usually say female employees are the worse at this (I'm a female myself saying this )
your mental image of the human nature is not according to reality
I hate co workers who undermine you and knock your confidence
Only if allow it.
Or tell you what to do when they have no business being in your business. It's like "Bitch I know how to do my job!"
I really shouldnt have slept with her
The fact that you slept with her should be a clue that you might want to take a look at yourself
Just be a stone. A cold stone. Don't talk unless absolutely necessary. Just be a stone. A boring, unexciting, stone. Nothing interesting about you. Just a regular stone.
We had a team meeting at work to discuss things that need to improve. My manager asked if anyone had anything to say and I was surprised no one wanted to say anything, especially since lots of my coworkers are toxic. So, I bravely said this: “I just want to speak for myself and anyone who needs it. We spend most of the hours of our days here. We come here to do a job, not to be disrespected. I will not tolerate any unprofessional and disrespectful behavior around me. I am a very kind and respectful person so I expect to be treated like that. We are not in high school.”
Everyone was shocked that I said that and my manager was actually very happy I spoke up. So she said she also won’t tolerate toxic behavior.
What happened after that meeting? Did they stop? Or did it get worse?
The manager says “I wont tolerate any toxic behavior” just to cover their ass but chances are that it didn’t turn out well for the person who spoke up.
When you present a problem you become the problem. When it comes to people problems especially, managers are not quipped to deal with this nor do they want to. They just want to focus on solving business problems and look good to their own managers.
Probably bad sh..t happened if you say anything like that its most likely you get fired
I said the same, and one of them reacted (to me, she was accepting she is the one problem person). Now she is just telling on everyone sabotaging me
@@ec4221 on my behalf I can tell that, all the team came after me. Slightest mistake and done. I was released from the team at the first chance they got. Luck on that other team was laidback as heck and I got a very lucrative offer to leave with mutual agreement at next layoff period. Overall I won.
If someone is bullying you repetitively, highlighting your mistakes and undermining your work in front of everyone. Passive behavior is consider harassment and should not be tolerated.
Hello this is exactly what i went through today. Can u help me out a little? Do u mean i shouldn’t be passive in this situation?
@@fatimahh.923 you should not let anyone to harrass you. In the workplace, you can sue the company for harrasment, plus they can not retaliate against you. Thats the one thing they dont want. They rather get rid of that person than go for a headache...
i deal with this daily, got used to it, even doe i do nothing wrong by just showing up at my job and start working, they have to blame someone instantly. Inspector came and superior boss, and my boss said i'm lying so they believe the lie she lied, nothing can be done. otherwise i'm open to ideas.
Don’t do positive reinforcement after they are being negative to you.
It sucks that when bullies feel threatened...they like to sabotage, but no worries because I believe in Karma
Yep, karma is real. And the truth shines through eventually.
I hope my back stabbing coworker is exposed for what and who she truly is. I hope Karma comes to bite her in that big a$$ of hers.
revenge is mine saith the Lord
@@Ig313 dealing with the same shxt.
Me too. And, it's real.
Be proactive and not reactive because once they get a reaction from you, they know how to push your buttons and they will do so anytime. Don't give them the satisfaction. The best response is no response.
exactly. don't feed the animals..
The best is work where therre's no bullying and toxic environment. I just left such a job, and feel much better. It affects your health a lot, even if you ignore it
@@MIchaelSybitrue I’m waiting for my internship to end….
I did sometimes look at them when they look at me… what should I do?
This is why I’m so glad that I no longer work at these toxic jobs anymore. From being underestimated,bullied,underpaid and getting cut hours to a full time business entrepreneur feels good!!! Don’t let these toxic coworkers stop you from achieving your dreams!!!
Thank you!!
So in other words, don't do anything about it, and let them walk all over you. The whole reason they KEEP bullying you and others is BECAUSE no one reacts to them. They get off on the power that they can do what they want and get away with it.
Yes
Seems like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't!! 😒🥴🤮
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
This can happen when they have the boss in their back pocket because the boss is a spineless cowardly politician giving these otherwise nobodies associate power.
I agree. One coworker did not stop when I ignored him even when I offered restart with him a few times. So I started to assert. Especially when he mentioned to the director that he would try to wack me with his ruler when I told him that "advise against that". They had to back off. Still the emails that implied that I have delayed when actually he didnt even tell me that the job was ready to start (literally his responsibility) continued and I told them to let me next time if the job is ready and which job is ready to start. If they want him so much they can keep him. Two people resigned since he started.
Wanting to "save face" is NOT the reason I want to react. It's bc I want to show them they don't intimidate me. So I disagree that they always want you to react. They like to think they have intimidated you into silence. They think you are too embarrassed to speak up. They themselves should be ashamed by showing such a lack of social skill and social grace. So once again, in my humble opinion, staying silent and letting them think they are intimidating you is NOT ALWAYS the best way to handle it. Not saying you are completely wrong as it varies case to case. But this is MY opinion in my own personal bully experiences.
Agree
but she is not saying to stay silent, just few seconds to let your amygdala calm down, which is really great advice. then respond (do not react!). response is a different thing to reaction, reaction is emotional, coming from place of arousal and primitive reptilian brain - like she says fight-flight. this is never good, period. these are functions of the brain from prehistoric times, when if you were attacked by a tiger, you had to react to survive. they are triggered because in a sense you were attacked. and in prehistoric times you would probably killed that animal/person or seriously hurt them. but of course this is not possible nowadays. you "kill" them by not reacting. they feed on your reactions. response would be something like (with a genuine smile) "ha, that's silly to say that, that's a lie" and leave it at that. don't let them change your emotional state. believe me they feel it when you do. they read people very well.
I wish not reacting would have worked for me. I kept my distance from people and did my best to keep my focus on work and keep conversations professional. I ended up losing my job because a few of my toxic coworkers spread false rumors about me to management trying to get me in trouble, and it WORKED. I'm not even exaggerating, when I tried to defend my truth, the manager looked me right in the eyes and told me he didn't believe me. They won. I feel hopeless, it feels that bad people will always win no matter what you do. 😞
I feel in the same situation right now. I’m looking for another job, I’m a minority so I will never win this battle.
I'm so sorry for what you went through this. It's unfair and frustrating and demoralizing. But I promise not all companies and teams are like this. When you're ready watch my Toxic Job Recovery videos, they're going to help. As important as it is to not react / play their game... staging yourself to win the game is important. This is where UAQ, professional branding and strategic relationships become really important. Keep watching here because we'll be digging into all of these things. I'm cheering for you my friend and sending so many positive vibes your way 💜
This pretty much happened to me, although I took the mistreatment and quit last year. The bullying continued even through Zoom. I sat there and took the high school bullying for a year + and my mental health deteriorated mainly because no one cared to believe what I was experiencing. And as the video stated, if I retaliated in any way, I'd be the one in shit.
The bullying (from lower and higher-level employees) + shit pay = garbage mental state and depleted confidence
The experience pretty much made me not want to work in corporate any longer.
@@MrCAppiah toxic workplaces and Co workers need to be culled. It's never you fault and no matter what you ever do in their best interests including self sacrificing and solving all their problems and letting them take credit, they still put you down completely, etc. It just won't matter. This is how things are.
@@MrCAppiah Microaggressions are reality in corporate America in certain spaces toward certain employees that are constantly ignored. Sometimes you have to call them on their stuff and let the chips fall where they may. Hope this finds you in a better head space. Be encouraged. Build your own.
The worst thing about being targeted by toxic coworkers is that it erodes at your sense of self-worth. You have to approach this from the inside-out. In other words, start from a place of truly respecting and honoring yourself no matter how you are treated by your coworkers and the right behavior/approach will automatically follow.
8:02 I once witnessed a teammate of color respond with exactly this question "What do you mean?" to a truly terrible racist joke the team leader made about banana's, casually referring to the teammate of color. The teammate who made the joke started tripping over words and stuff trying to get away from having to explain the joke -- it was so awkward and it was such a perfect response to the racist joke, I'll never forget it
Should have recorded it. A good lawyer and publicity can make millions! 💪
Coworkers that always push work onto you and never help.
They shouldn't be doing that, the work and your team will suffer.
True Story… also I’ve been working at a preschool academy as an 2/ 3 year old teacher! But I’m doing everything like interacting with the kids, and playing toys and running outside with them. I always ask for more help/ or more support but it never really happens.
I have been going through this....and the more you strive the more work they give you so you drawn and so they can conclude that you are incompetent.....
But in the process I actually realized that although that is happening I am looking at the positive side that I am getting more faster doing my work but it gets overwhelming... I had a burnout and was informed that I don’t do my work😂yet when I am not around they complain but when I am around they don’t complain because I do most of the work....however I pray everyday and they living God pulls me through the day....Every struggle has its own ending....hoping that mine comes out soon.
going through that now. and then when I bring it up I'm the bad guy.
Standing up for yourself while not reacting is called assertiveness
There should really be support group meetings for people dealing with this stuff because it really drains the soul from u..I was so passionate for so long about my type of work and im mad at myself for allowing them to kill the enthusiasm inside me
I can totally relate to how you feel. Thesame thing is happening to me. I was so passionate about my job but the toxic people and environment has made me a robot. I don't care anymore.
Yes, my situation has a group of young insecure Millenials who all still live with their parents with only a few years of work experience at age 30. They out number the calm cool coworkers...there is no management so it's like The Lord of The Flies on the work floor. Hard to fix that problem when management let's them run free.
I can agree with you I had found my dream job working at a hotel but than I’ve started to pick up the vibe & how everyone’s treats everyone ,lately it’s so drain . I’m just been so disappointed in working with a company . who’s let’s their employees gets away with bullying. None of the managers seems to cares .
I started a new job. And I was so excited and willing to do anything and help and it turned sideways. Your videos seriously helps me get through this new environment. And is helping me try to handle the situations better. Thank you.
I'm so glad my videos are helping you!!
Me too. It’s my second day today
@@softpinksativa3606 I hope your new job is treating you well!
@@softpinksativa3606 how have you been handling these situations if I may ask? My first day is 4/18
@@JenniferBrick Stop talking like a stereotypical valley girl and people might like your videos more. Your voice is insufferable.
Notifications are off, dont bother replying
One coworker threatened me yesterday saying something like “talk sh!t behind my back again and it’ll come back to bite you” and I didn’t say anything bad, yet they cannot act maturely. This has of course driven me to resign as HR likes this person too much and won’t do anything. My manager dismissed it as a joke too, which speaks volumes
Sometimes these people have the wrong idea what "talking shit behind someone's back" means. It's a malicious way of framing it to get you scared of asking for advice or speaking up.
I went through being cussed out by multiple coworkers and my manager told me I was misinterpreting their threats.
@@caringdevotionals2952Yeah, the manager was trying to gaslight you for sure.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
If HR doesn't, call the third party HR that all HR answers too.
I don't want to react to save face. I want to react because I honestly cannot believe people can act so atrociously. It blows me away! My brain cannot process the unethical, terrible things people have no problem doing in the workplace - and then act like it's no big deal. I wish I weren't so shocked by it!
Same. I can't believe that it seems people get rewarded for acting like a jackass
I know the feeling
This is why I react.
Same... plus after so many years of dealing with this type of abusive, toxic behavior... I've just about had enough.
@@SkyePhoenix I've dealt with it over and over, and over again no matter where I work. I'm more of a quiet "introvert" type (I kinda don't like the connotations of that term, in a way) that prefers to stick to myself and don't participate in gossip etc. People inevitably notice this about me and it seems like they think it gives them a free pass to be arrogant, try and walk all over me in one way or another, ostracizing, etc. They only back off a little when they see just how nasty my attitude can be back towards them. I just don't get it though. I've been dealing with this my entire life. It's always a constant battle to keep people from trying to pull their stupid B.S. on me.
If anyone is going through this I’m sorry I feel your frustration and your pain that’s why I’m here as well. I know it’s tough YOU win when you stay professional and DONT react! That difficult nasty coworker you are not the only one they are messing with ,trust me other people see their nasty negative behavior. TAKE NOTES. AVOID the contaminate. Do NOT gossip to other coworkers about them , that could come back to hurt YOU. Relieve your frustrations about that negative coworker to friends ,family members ,a therapist if you have one. THANK that nasty little creature in your head, ‘not to them personally’ for revealing they’re TRUE character. From experience they end up getting fired and they’re nasty little shenanigans always comes to the light! YOU be the light, and the joy on the job. Nasty difficult antagonistic people are actually master teachers in disguise. It brought you to this video didn’t it? Gods got YOU!
I know this is a late response, but I love your advice & I just wanna thank you so much for this. I have faith that one day I will be able to leave the job I'm stuck at. I know I won't work there forever. This is only temporary.
I am and it is a coworker that I helped get a job …twice. When people so you who they are, believe them. There’s a difference in an honest mistake and someone with diva behaviors, immaturity and malice! I simply said to her, I no longer choose to be involved and my focus is on my job and providing for my family! I plan to keep her at arms length and take her chair away from my table of taking and toxic behavior! I choose to work on my one self improvement and financial well being. Hopefully she will leave me alone going forward so pray for me
Whether you'll be prompted depends on your relationship with your boss.. I have seen nasty backstabbing people got promoted, and they are mediocre at work.
At my workplace the back stabber just got a Brazilian butt lift and a promotion. Her head is as big as her a$$ now.
Silence sometimes is the key guys....do not waste your time with unnecessary co-workers. some co-workers ruin peoples day in order to feel better about themselves.... however I feel if it gets unprofessional I believe setting up a meeting and confronting them individually that will do...
I have experienced bullying as well but having your mind set on the goal they all disappear when you don’t react to their actions....,and while you do that,keep applying for a new position..... you will get a company where it will feel better going to work every morning.
Well said.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
It's too late. I've already played right into the toxic coworkers hands. She went behind my back to my boss, told her something that got me in trouble, and then my boss humiliated me in front of everyone. I "lost it" and went off on everyone. There was name calling and yelling. I've been dealing with this kind of stuff for 14 years. Usually, I freeze or get a little defensive when my boss makes accusations, or humiliates me. I've since apologized, but it's too late. They're getting ready to fire me, or force me to quit. My boss recently gave the back stabber a promotion.
Hang on just to spite them.
Screw 'em. Don't beat yourself up. Your buttons can only be pushed so much and if you get fired it can be a blessing in disguise. Take notes on their behavior and if they fire you, go for unemployment and if there is push back, I'd talk to a lawyer.
Wow, been there, hated that! And though it feels "too late" It's NOT. (Only for that bad situation)- you're just in time for all this advice to make a better fresh start- please see if that perspective feels better, because after 14 years, you deserve to feel better. It's just a matter of collecting and using all the new tools you can to build a new improved life. It won't be perfect, but at least now you'll SEE some of those nasty pitfalls and KNOW to steer clear BEFORE blindly stumbling in. We've all done it, live and learn. Adjust and improve- youre on the right path now, friend.
That what happen to me , I’ve been putting in the most work . I’ve asked this co worker if she can help me to take out the trash one little trash and she try to make up an excuse saying “I’ll didn’t help , her out the whole day “knowing I had seen her take her breaks longer then she supposed. Ever since I had called her out with my manager.
she be doing things on purpose trying to get a the reaction out of me , both of my co workers
Have
lately I’ve been very snappy with them bc I’m seeing through their BS when everyone else doesn’t Speak up enough about it .
Regardless of what happened, your boss should not have reprimanded you in front of everyone. Sounds like they are just as bad.
These tips assume that decisionmakers will see right through difficult coworkers. That seems to be rare - esp. in toxic workplaces. There's a reason why difficult coworkers act how they act - they know they'll be rewarded for it!
Yep!
Some of the decision makers are just as toxic.
This
I've learned the hard way by reacting. I work with 3 demonstrative individuals who push my buttons. When I react it only makes me look unstable and difficult. This is good advice.
Looking unstable usually helps this way they won't mess wit u anymore. Don't be afraid to look unstable dear.
@@carliebeau5329 This is true. I always tend to give as good as I get. It's made me no friends at work, but they know I'm not a pushover.
Yes best to keep quiet and play a game called how many things I have to do before I can leave this happy place.. on your mark get set go and don't look back to see what the happy and nice co workers are doing because it's going to ruin your game and turn your smile upside down.
True, they like to trigger you (look, look this is what I mean, she is too emotional).
PRECISELY!!!
Yes exactly!
Very passive aggressive and manipulative. It's all about power and control because deep down they know... They ain't sh**.
@@SkyePhoenix im dealin with that everday n it keeps gettin worse...trigger effect
If a supervisor is the one trying to make you look bad, or is trying to get you to react, even if you do not react, they still win. In that case you have to get out.
Yep. That's where I'm at right now.
That’s me right now. I called out my manager for making sexual comments about a customer. Now he is making more gross comments around me. I’m not sure what to do until I leave in a month, but silence doesn’t help when the bridge is already burning.
A smart, good boss sees through this.
I hope so
Not all bosses are good or smart.
@@savoirfaire8979 Agreed. I've had several of those in my career.
Most bosses are not 😂
nope
I can cut this 13 minute video down in
20 words. ✌🏼
If you are constantly having to be the bigger person then you got to stop working with little people. Period!
Thank you
This is the absolute truth.
Seriously.
🙏 thank you 💙
But the problem is that those little people exist everywhere and you will most likely have to deal with them eventually. So you might as well know the best way to do so without negatively affecting your vibe and reputation.
today was a hard day for me because of my stupid coworkers, I watched this and now i'm a bit better. thanks
This might be great if you work in corporate America with hierarchy and structure. Not everyone does. In some companies it's a free for all, and whoever plays dirtiest wins. I wish management would see the Patties for what they are. Mostly the Patties are smart enough to adjust their behavior and play a different game when certain people are watching. It's very hard to be professional and pleasant in an office with people being very spiteful and nasty on a very personal level.
Same toxic behavior in corporate America. They ignore it too.
Lol sounds like the Federal Government...just throw some sadistic machiavellism.
My manger is my boyfriends nonblood Aunt and she thinks she can treat me however she wants like she does her daughter.. her daughter hates her and I can tell why. My manger literally attacks me with full aggression like I’ve done something horribly wrong. She tried to one up me and tells everyone how much she’s done for me like I should be guilty for being upset with her about what she’s done to me.
Yes, and I've endured it for 14 years. I should've quit a long time ago.
can't stand those who feel they can only elevate themselves by trying to point out another's shortcomings
Yes. I do enjoy your videos. My favorite was the great resignation. I just feel like there is atleast 1 toxic, co worker at work or maybe a few who kind of spoiled the rest of the bunch. It’s so damaging but makes me more upset is upper management dismissing this type of rude and passive behavior. Unacceptable in my opinion.
Toxic work environments are so often created by enablement due to non-action by leadership. I think they don't understand the cost to employee morale - and the company. Toxic coworkers are costly for so many reasons.
@@JenniferBrick Exactly! You are always spot on Jennifer! 💯
At my job, management is on the same level as the other middle aged mean girls.
I wish I had this advice in my early 20s but I learned to be as scary as I can on the outside and call these people out in their BS as I got older. There is a reason why there is an employee code of conduct.
Going through this right now. DON'T react. Just ignore them. They aren't worth it. I use to be a super reactive person. This time around im not and it really helps me to feel better.
Enough is enough with work place bullying and harrassment, I think a law needs to be in place to stop work place bullying.
The best reaction is - no reaction. Only political correctness and being polite. They only want a reaction and you being distracted make them win. Being politician is a skill! 😇 besides all, I’m just thinking of looking elegant, sophisticated and dignified in front of the authorities and professional in my expressions. Ego down. Only wisdom sees deeply in silence and elegance.
ooooooooooooooh, good answer.
I guess my issue with dealing with toxic people in this manner is the double standard. The coworker with the pattern of bad behavior gets off with a slap on the wrist because this is just who/how they are! While you ruin your prospects for reacting or becoming defensive. It looks like a no win situation.
I’ve been in this situation before and the high road did not work as expected. Whenever I got a promotion this person got one too, whenever I was given something they were given the same to appease them. I ended up leaving the job for that and other reasons.
Perfect timing, I'm dealing with one right now, and the team warns me that everyone knows they're difficult, and they're right. I just don't react and make other plans to boost my career, and your video validated that decision. Thank you Jennifer!
I was appointed supervisor of 2 different departments at work, I became co manager, I was a down to earth people person treated everyone fair , big mistake being so nice, they will completely try to walk all over you take advantage of your kindness, blame everything on other people, and you end up basically doing their jobs too because they become cry babies.. it's best to be a complete jerk and a bossy boss...
Reacting is fine, how you react is what makes the difference.
I love your videos! You’ve helped me realize I’ve been with a toxic company. I do take accountability when needed because I do make mistakes.
I'm so glad my videos are helping. I'm a fan of accountability... but don't be afraid of spelling theirs out so they don't hand it over to you.
Hey..
This is good in theory, but practically does not work longterm. Office bullying, longterm can impact on your mental health.
A co-worker accused me of doing something. I simply said I don't remember doing that. In my mind, I wanted to confront the co-worker. Luckily, I've been studying narcissism, and I know how to not feed them.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
Unfortunately I call people out on their shit Regardless if it's their game or not if your being a shitty person you should be reminded that you are being one . Because at the end of the day it'll make me feel better that I just didn't let that happen to me , I said what I said and didn't hold back , sometimes you have to take a stand against these people .
I work at a place where I literally feel like it’s a geriatric mean girl throwback to high school. I work with all ages. Literally people from the age of 16 on up to the ages of 70. The ones in their 40s and 50s are some of the meanest women I have ever met. I’m 39, and I hope I’m not that miserable in the next 10 years. There’s one in particular who literally bullies the teenagers we work with. I’ve gone to management about it, but somehow nothing has been done.
It's not a general "older becomes more miserable" thing. I work with women ranging from around 35 to 60. The 35 year old is a huge problem (while most of the older women are great).
Its the worst ones that seem to always weasel their way out of accountability & into the good graces of the bosses. I've seen it a thousand times & I am baffled every time. How do they not see what is so obvious? Or maybe they don't care & like a bully. Its crazy to me & certainly not good for business in the long-run.
Hi Jennifer,
I am in a toxic workplace ; I took the job because I wanted my own money and needed to get out of the house. The person who referred me is the person who is toxic and throws me under the bus every chance she gets.The manager believes her because she has been working there for 2 years + and very good friends. It is hard to avoid her because we are always scheduled together (senior group home). It is long story, and there are many facets to it. I am looking for another job, in my profession.
I have been watching you on YT for 4 months... THANK YOU
Wow your story sounds like mine! New to a job, they believe the woman whos been there before me. Loves to run to my boss w fake crap. Hang in there
Good luck Quie
@@xhottestpink karma will catch up I've been working at a place for 4 years now an the person bothering me is just a year but the manager believes them
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.....
The toxic coworker who tells you" my truck note is 800 a month, 2000 a month mortgage and 1200 a month student loan payment". Sucker. As if I give af..
Yep... super unrelevant info and a weird flex. They must be really insecure.
@@JenniferBrick *irrelevant :) no offence please😃
Being aloof and taking no notice of them is a good plan.
Thank you for this content, J-Brick. I got distracted trying to reach common ground with a disordered manager. I didn't realize how different all of our motivations and boundaries are in this life. I am waking up to understanding that I AM the adult in my life and that I have to accept that I am going it alone.
I now know I am on the Autistic Spectrum and my manager is further towards the OCPD/Narcissist spectrum. Learning this changed everything for me. I don't see hierarchy in any meaningful way. I am internally validated by my core values. I like being very calm and introverted and excel when I get into deep focus on my work. And I ask a lot of questions up front so I can set myself off into a flow state and get some great work done that makes everyone happy.
My manager is inherently very hierarchy driven and internally ranks himself and others around him on all aspects of life. He needs a lot of attention and external validation. He is very competitive and denigrating about others experience and boundaries. He leaps into action without thought and will rework and rework until clients demand he stop and they accept whatever he's done as good enough. He puts his own needs first and is constantly trying to prove he is the "boss and he says so" like we are children who need to be scolded until we learn.
What I have learned IS other people DO notice, like you say in the above video. I'm the not only person treated this way. And they also notice how I behave. Focusing on my health regardless of external circumstances is my best path to my best life.
I learned about Grey Rocking first. Biting my tongue blew my mind because my silence allowed me to see the disordered patterns around me, instead of reacting to them.... including my OWN! I learned I had to cultivate a healthier internal space for myself, so that I didn't engage with toxic energy deeply. I also learned that I had to stop thinking of myself as an employee and start thinking of myself as my own client. No one else is going to sign-off on a "good job" to give me permission in my last days on Earth. I'm the one that has to be accountable for how satisfied I am with the life I lived. There is no finish line to pleasing unpleasable people. We are sort of going it alone and hope to bump into kindred enough spirits that life is better because of one another, not worse.
Ive started a new job i was excited to start my new leadership job but one of the people that report to me has dragged my name in gossip and filth and its only been weeks. Shes upset someone younger is her superior, she reports to me. Its been a mess. Its raised my anxiety. She ruins my days. Thank u for these videos
4... I have setup someone that constantly takes my ideas, with really shitty ideas. Once they get called out by the boss, on how unworkable that is, they will stop stealing your ideas fast.
You have the slightest idea how much it means to all of us that you took the time to do all this videos and give us all this information when going through this situation. You’re amazing may life repay you 100 times more. 👏
I am going through a really hard time at work, involving sexism, rumours and gossips that are not true about me, plus, there are a lot more are going on as well. I have always been rocking up to work happily and focusing on improving myself regardless how bad some people talk/mock me for any reasons. Often, I would just ignore because I know it is not true about me and that is not who I am. And because I always let it go with the thinking that they might have their own struggles or they dont really mean it, at the moment, I do feel being beaten up by those gossips and rumours and want to give up my career and whatever I have worked on far. Going through the series of your videos (not to take things personally, how to deal with rude comment, and etc) reminds me my main purposes in this life, and the reason why I took this job at first place. It is going to be difficult but I will work through my thinking process and continue focusing on myself and continue thriving to live my life goals. Thanks so much Jennifer. It really means a lot to me.
You read my mind about my current Patty. Spot. Pause, breath, and let them show their true nature. Patty's behavior patterns become apparent each day. Smile at you then run to the boss. Keep up the good work.
You’re my favourite person to watch about difficult co-workers! Calm, chill and collected
I blew up yesterday! Came after me because I'm changing my availability to mornings and all the full timers ganged up on me. I told them like it is. Full time, fully available.. so they're scared that they will be moving to nights because we're so short handed. We had a mid night person who quit because she wanted a mid shift. We NEED it! But of course, the full timers said NO!! Not going to allow it' I've been here longer!' Well don't complain that y'all don't have help then!
Bullies need to be put into their place. Not reacting is not an option.
Thank you ,fight back immediately, don't take shit from anyone.
Yeah I went to war I had to learn this one the hard way. I lost money and everything. But the lesson was priceless now I just ignore people and pretend they don't exist. 😂 Destroy all opposition! 👿
This came at the right time. I'm going to try these strategies. I'm glad I found this channel.
Don’t react because it will make you feel worst than responding. But by all means, the crucial conversation must happen or it will pile up and you will break and react or holding that internally will take its tow.
This is a great video. Eventually... if you keep doing this... you become immune to the constant BS that flows in the work place. You become focused on doing great things in great ways and that becomes so empowering. Surround your self with whatever it is that lifts you up and challenges you to be better. Be careful though. The work zombies and vampires are everywhere. You know who I am talking about. Be smart.
Will never forget when a co-worker came into my office, called me a bunch of names including the ones our abusive boss called me, complained to our new supervisor that I don’t like her, then denied she ever did anything wrong, AND NOW IS GOING AROUND TELLING PEOPLE HOW PROFESSIONAL AND HUMBLE SHE IS
This is EXACTLY what I need to hear right now. Thank you for the straight-to-the-point explanation and realistic analogies! I really enjoyed the video while I learned something.
Often this kind of behavior happens on email. Some people have figured out to use the "CC" line as a weapon when they don't immediately get what they want.
You could be responding to an email thread and mention something that, all of a sudden, prompts the local sociopath to respond and dump half-a-dozen "VIP's" on the CC line. None of these people, usually, care what's being discussed but they've now been "recruited" as an "audience" for the sociopath to perform his monologue.
In my case it's usually something about needing to "expedite" a "hot" order because of a "customer sat" issue-- in reality it's just about the sociopath meeting his short-term KPI's at my expense and at the expense of product quality.
This us how start my morning. I watch your videos before I walk in the door. It really helps me get through the day. Thank you so much!
It's a honor to start the day with you!
This is so true- hold your tongue for about 6seconds, respond with high integrity, and who you are and how you respond. My mngr confronted me, and my brain went into shock and I froze ( I couldn't hear ). I remained quiet, my lips sealed and I could remember your words in my head, and I responded ," you're right, I may not see what I'm doing wrong and I may need to lean on your judgement" ( I remained quiet). This statement pivoted the environment while being confronted by my mngr. My mngr was testing me if those who were sabotaging me were truly right...and i remembered your words, swallowed tears in my throbbing in my throat, remain calm and walked out the room nicely. Thank you so much!!!
This comment section is like a support group! Yall dont know how much your stories help
My toxic boss & his toxic co-worker / friend thought they'd treat me like trash. So I took the trash out. I resigned. There are better work conditions out there. I'm going to see if I can find one. Because here's what you're not saying: STRESS KILLS. Only you can decided what is acceptable to have in your life.
I both agree & disagree. I was that person who wanted to remain dignified - & I did to a significant degree. I bit my tongue, I tried to stay consistent, professional, even kind, & not retaliate. I thought others would see it in time... Instead of helping, it only got worse. I mean really, really bad. To the point, I had genuine trauma that resulted in residual physical & emotional damage. I stuck it out for almost two years & suffered horribly. It starts to really get to even the strongest person after awhile until you feel like a shell of yourself. I don't know what the right answer is between quiet dignity & firm push-back other than leaving certain abusive work situations - sooner rather than later. Sometimes dignity is seen more as a weakness than what it actually is meant to be & it brings the mean out in even the "nice" people. Of course, those people are responsible for their conduct - not the individual just trying to do their job in a genuine, hard-working, decent person of integrity kind of way. Naturally, no one is perfect, but even taking responsibility for yourself is seen as an excuse for them to pile on. I certainly got an education in brutal "office politics." Still, I think for most situations, your advice is good & solid, & is much more likely to lead to far less regrets & drama.
Thank you, Jennifer, for this motivational video of sticking to my own principles and not falling into traps set by toxic people!
Thankyou Jennifer for all the great advice. It's important to know how to handle these situations at work, considering how much time we have to invest. We spend more time at work than we do with our families ☹️
Thanks I needed the pep talk
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. It’s helpful and informative and it was thoughtful to put the info out. Much needed!
I decided to stop letting the toxic people to go unreported
Too late, Blackballed, mob group co-workers, nothing done with cameras, no H.R. Assist., 4 bosses pulling you in the office while the guilty party are looking from outside.😼😼😼😳my resume is fried now..😡
Then there are some coworkers that are very selective when it comes to who they talk to nice to etc , even if you all are in the same group for the day at work
Unbelievable,
I think there is a way to not allow people to walk all over you while not reacting emotionally.
So basically this sounds very similar to handling being around an antagonizing sibling/relative
Same dynamics. We're dealing with psychology and power in both situations.
I've learnt my lesson and I reacted to a horrible collegue last year (I never loose my temper btw) and it was the first time in 8 years but the person was just a horrible and mean spirited and would gladly throw her collegues under the bus 🙄.
Unfortunately one day she pushed me way too far and i reacted and yeah she went running to management and got me in trouble which made me even angrier 😅.
Basically I've learnt to walk away from situations as it's not worth it. I now keep a stress ball in my pocket for these situations lol.
her opening statement is very true. Bad co workers are always on the lookout to set
you up. This is how you know who at work you can trust(to a certain extent) versus
who you can't trust. Today a co worker called out another bus driver for turning in
front of her, yet she wasn't trying to slow down like she was suppose to for the other
school bus driver. This type of unnecessary behavior on her part shows lack of
courtesy and understanding. Especially when the other driver did not intend on
turning in front of her when he did. But circumstances deemed it necessary, like
already being partially in the road but had to stop because of a speeding vehicle
coming from the opposite direction. If she was paying attention she would have seen
this. Nevertheless, an apology was made over the radio, yet she came back with
more attitude, and threatening the male driver not to do it again. nonetheless,
the male driver didn't have to say another word after that lol. case closed. Sometimes
you have to let bad co workers bury themselves.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.
I've worked in many a hell hole environment...Seriously I still don't know what the answer is....If somebody has it out for you...doubtful you'll win....I've heard often " do your job and go home"....good in theory, but in reality, if another person or persons are dumping on you and you have to pick up their slack because the "work" still has to get done...ya...it gets frustrating and overwhelming when no one addresses it....But eventually ( you may not be still working there) it will come out who the problem is....I've seen it happen a million times...and I have been rewarded in so many Godly ways....I would say always be true to yourself and your integrity!
Hi Jennifer 👋 - I really enjoy your videos while on break at work. They help me deal with the day to day fun & games at work. I can't thank you enough for this series. Have A Great Day ! 👍
Thanks for spending your break with me!
There was an incident earlier where my coworker said something rude and i was so ready to tell her off,however, i tried holding my tongue. The only thing with that is we both stood there staring at each other because im pretty sure she expected me to react. Regardless,it got very awkward and uncomfortable lol...it actually felt like those staring contests u have when u were a kid...this happened about an hour ago and im still seething about what she said...and im debating on how to proceed or IF I wanna do anything about it at all
@Virtuouz Girl - I agree with your post. I am having an issue with my supervisor who constantly promotes “reactive abuse” towards me to get me to react to her shenanigans. I believe it stems from jealousy, but I’m no fool and I will not react to the drama, which is the sole purpose of the abuse. I hold my tongue but I do vent to friends and family outside of the workplace to relieve the stress and burden of my work situation. I have been keeping a journal of all the bizarre antics that I have experienced in hopes to use it when the time is right to expose the supervisor’s negative behavior.
I hope you are working your way out of this situation! I am experiencing what sounds like it could be something similar and OMG it’s bizarre. I started recording every zoom I endure with this nutcase & paid for an app that will record phone calls. I’m going to compile it into video documentation. That’s if she actually shows up to our meetings. She usually blows me off which is preferable. If she shows up she will say no to every suggestion I have about anything. I’m her marketing person so talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. 😂 She tells me to shut up I meetings when I’m just saying “uhhh huh” in agreement with the speaker, that something is off brand when I got it from her website. She’s an absolute nightmare - and boy does she have it out for me. No idea why she hired me except to have her own plaything to bully.
Keeping quiet isn't gonna help. If u do that people take you for granted and circulate wild lies with the assurance that you're not gonna react. Reacting calmly would help. Also make sure that other coworkers know exactly what's going on. Else you'd be isolated
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life./
As an empath, it is very sad for me to see that evilness usually wins , some people in leadership positions tend to listen or side with loud, toxic whiners...i've seen it over and over at my job, people who are truly compassionate with good heart are seen as weak.... It's very unfortunate, bad behaviors are encouraged at very early in childhood
Love this and agree that a network of advocates is crucial
Simply defending yourself isn't wrong, over-reacting is the problem
I have searched or several tips on this topic. This has been most helpful. Thank you
great advice, I completely agree, I've taught myself to go silent instead of reacting...your own mood can interfere with a good reaction or response so ya go silent until u can have a good response
I had to walk away from my job to stay away from that situations. I was strong for almost 1 year.
I’m so happy I found your channel. Lawwwdd 😩
My new thing now is replying to emails, from people I don't like, in very small font. Real mature, I know :)
😊 It's kind of like the saying, never mess with IT person. 😉
Excellent video! Just what I needed!
So awesome. So much value. Practical advice. Calm, collected, and wise. Thank you for this video.
I'm glad it served ✨
This is very informative! Thank you! 👍🏾
oh, the crap we sometimes have to put up with !It seems that no matter where you work, it doesn't take long to figure out who the A-holes are !