Why allow yourself to be saddled with the pressures of other peoples' experiences and upbringing? You're not here to be an exact replica of your parents. I am white, but grew up in the middle of a hardcore Christian family (I was adopted) where they tried to mold and shape me, failed at forcing me into that mold, and in exchange I've had a life of never feeling like I measured up. In my 50s now, it took too many decades to realize that what REALLY matters is me, and my choices and behavior. I refuse to carry the baggage of their judgments and opinions any longer. As for the creativity and slumps, totally relate. I go through almost manic periods of creativity (more ideals and processes than artistic) and then almost completely shut down. Not sure if it's a problem or just how my brain works. Regardless, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences!! It really is helpful to hear how others are working through this life thing
I find that 9 hours of sleep is optimal, too! The world would be a happier place if everybody got 9 hours of sleep...okay, that may be an exaggeration, but there are so many people out there not getting enough sleep and then bragging about it, as though it's some sort of perverse badge of honor. It's really refreshing to hear you acknowledge your sleep needs--and find another member of the 9-hour-sleep sisterhood!
Oh, Jess... yes... "tff" is very real. I heard my Lebanese friends' moms do this all the time & we always felt chastised because of it. I experienced plenty of similar judgement via my own "wasp" family. Thank you for introducing me to the term Survival Parenting. I completely relate to the domino effect this has had on me, especially the people pleasing & hypervigilance. Thank you for discussing these things so openly. It's not an easy thing to do but it's exponentially helpful to your audience. Look at you, making the world a healthier, happier place! ❤
I haven't listened all the way through yet, but I think we all have different cycles. We need to rest or hibernate to replenish our energy so we can be creative. Just look at the animal world. Most animals rest quite a bit, then are active for a brief period and rest again. Our society has been constructed in a way where we're supposed to constantly do, do, do, and I don't think that's natural. Even for agriculture societies. There's a period of labor and work and then rest and harvest. So don't sweat it Jess! Just get to know your flow and enjoy the rest breaks. With that said though it helps to do bloodwork to make sure you are not missing any vitamins or something else.
Jess, thank you for this amazing podcast! I listened intently and a few times had goosebumps! You are such a wonderful person! How happy are those in your close circle to have you as a friend, a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister, a coworker. I wish I had a friend like you!
heck yes, this reflection is so thoughtful and so well put. it's helpful for me to think about survival parenting --did not know about that term before!
The amount of hugs I wanted to give you, almost like my supersmall grandma kissing without any boundaries and leaving the biggest lipstick impression on the face...
You have a very compassionate, understanding and forgiving tone towards your parents. When you talk about them, it's easy to realize what a self-sacrificing and smart daughter you are. But I hope you are not afraid to criticize them for what they may have hurt in you. One should not excuse every parental expectation our caretakers had with their own traumatization. Your parents also have a responsibility to adapt their attitude towards you to today's conditions. Please take care of your heart
I appreciate this comment so much and totally get what you meant 🫶🏼 appreciate you adding that it is a shared experience and that’s where you’re coming from!!! Glad you are here. ~Jess
I love this podcast!!! I’ve been a listener since the beginning ❤️ I really relate to everything you said this episode. My family are from Asia and I was born in Canada. I’ve always known about high context vs low context cultures, but I’ve never heard of survival parenting!!! This is really helpful for me ❤️ I think I’m experiencing something similar with my parents… thanks Jess!
FYI, the American South is a high-context culture. My experience with my parents (whose families have been in this country for many generations) was exactly as you described with yours-e.g. something as simple as a certain look on my dad’s face could send me into the “I’m a bad person” spiral. I definitely think it’s more trauma-based than anything else.
I consider myself creative, but definitely more in a mental way of forming ideas and not so much in a litteral creating way. I guess I'm more of a theoretical person than a practical one. Idk.
Jess, it’s so interesting to hear your thoughts on this. I have personally been unpacking this in my own life. We have many parallels in our journey! It’s been a joy to hear your process. I started pottery classes last August and it’s been the weirdest experience discovering I’m a creator, a creative person. My kids just unpacked my childhood journals, scrapbooks, poetry books, sketch books, novels I had started writing, and even the punk rock zine I was trying to publish back in 2002 😂 it is wild unpacking my literal childhood and realizing all I did was create, constantly, yet I have never considered myself an artist or a creator. ❤ It’s a wonderful title and I am now proudly trying to allow myself to be honest about who I am. It has been very freeing.
I really appreciate you discussing the topic of disapproval from parents. It seriously made me feel much less alone. My parents have become very rejecting towards me ever since I decided to switch to a creative career path and it has been a huge struggle. I've been doing EMDR therapy for a year now, and it has helped a lot.
I'm so happy you touched on this high vs. low contact culture thing. I haven't heard of things. I haven't heard anyone speak about it. I've been in therapy over ten years because I had to leave my family. Just moving out as a single woman was seen as wrong. Pretty much most of what's normal in the U.S. was wrong in their eyes and I grew up in the U.S. A large part is because they were toxic and abusive, but in addition to that there is this huge cultural difference coming from a collectivist culture and what I see high-context. It makes so much sense. One look or expression has so many layers that's hard to explain to someone that doesn't come from that background. Feel you on this so much. Thanks for sharing Jess
Thanks for the solo episode while Caroline is away. I enjoyed hearing about EMDR and learning a bit about how it's different from talk therapy. I can think of scenarios where my body responds disproportionally to the situation and something like this might be beneficial. Toodeloo, Jess!
Have you read the book „Big magic“ by Elizabeth Gilbert? It has been sitting on my shelf for a while now and I have to admit that I haven’t read all of it yet, so I may be wrong, but from how I understand it, it is exactly about the issue you are having with your creativity! How to nurture it and bring more into your life (and surely not by having less rest or judging yourself for it).
Lovely episode; great to tune in and hear how therapy's been helping you and also this interesting slump on being creative. To chime in with my two cents, at first I wanted to suggest allow yourself to (continue) be(ing) in contemplation. Because, there is power or rather benefits of allowing yourself ruminate over things without receiving an immediate answer, contrary to how school conditioned us to be. That said, after finishing the video, and relating because my parents are immigrants (fled war and after effects of war), I wonder if your relationship with creating (and I do mean it as a verb because creation is an action, versus how you’ve stated as a way of being) is because your relationship with your parents (how you feel or rather how your body’s nervous system reacts to perceived disappointment and disapproving tension). Your reaction to the trauma of having your parents give you a disapproving look or express disappointment may show up as you blocking yourself from fulling acknowledging and feeling when you are creative and creating. I could be pulling this out of my ass, and I am not blaming your parents in fact to me sounds like it was how young jess solved the problem to prevent further disapproval or disappointment. And I say that to say, to me, it sounds like you’ve been creating a bunch and variety of things yet you’ve only recently gave your younger self credit.
As you describe it, my inlaws from Russia are this kind of survival parents, and I highly feel/notice the effects of this on my husband (as does he himself)! On the other hand my own western (German) parents seem to have those tendencies themselves, coming from families of post-war, depressed parents. So anyway, I think I know exactly what you mean. Btw. what you told about those little sounds/expressions reminded me so much of my highschool friend, that had Pakistani parents! She always said "pfff" loud and demonstratively when she was annoyed! 😅 The world is a wild place and humans all in all are weird. 😂
I've never thought about this idea of what makes someone "a creative"..and the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't define it! I guess I would just define someone as a creative if they LEAN IN more to their creative side??🤔
Have you been reading about covid and vaccination problems. I had the worst brain fog for years. It's just starting to diminish. Tired and no motivation since after covid. Read up on it and see if any of it applies to you. I bet it has affected a large number of people. Love you girl. Just listen to your body and follow what it's saying.
Oooh can you and your boyfriend do a podcast together? We got Carooline's take would be cool to hear your side of things :) but also I get if you don't want to overshare about your lives or include too much of your personal life on the podcast.
Jess and Caroline:
I’m so happy to have found this podcast. The sky is the limit for y’all.
- 45 y/o female listener
Why allow yourself to be saddled with the pressures of other peoples' experiences and upbringing? You're not here to be an exact replica of your parents. I am white, but grew up in the middle of a hardcore Christian family (I was adopted) where they tried to mold and shape me, failed at forcing me into that mold, and in exchange I've had a life of never feeling like I measured up. In my 50s now, it took too many decades to realize that what REALLY matters is me, and my choices and behavior. I refuse to carry the baggage of their judgments and opinions any longer. As for the creativity and slumps, totally relate. I go through almost manic periods of creativity (more ideals and processes than artistic) and then almost completely shut down. Not sure if it's a problem or just how my brain works. Regardless, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences!! It really is helpful to hear how others are working through this life thing
I find that 9 hours of sleep is optimal, too! The world would be a happier place if everybody got 9 hours of sleep...okay, that may be an exaggeration, but there are so many people out there not getting enough sleep and then bragging about it, as though it's some sort of perverse badge of honor. It's really refreshing to hear you acknowledge your sleep needs--and find another member of the 9-hour-sleep sisterhood!
Oh, Jess... yes... "tff" is very real. I heard my Lebanese friends' moms do this all the time & we always felt chastised because of it. I experienced plenty of similar judgement via my own "wasp" family. Thank you for introducing me to the term Survival Parenting. I completely relate to the domino effect this has had on me, especially the people pleasing & hypervigilance. Thank you for discussing these things so openly. It's not an easy thing to do but it's exponentially helpful to your audience. Look at you, making the world a healthier, happier place! ❤
I haven't listened all the way through yet, but I think we all have different cycles. We need to rest or hibernate to replenish our energy so we can be creative. Just look at the animal world. Most animals rest quite a bit, then are active for a brief period and rest again. Our society has been constructed in a way where we're supposed to constantly do, do, do, and I don't think that's natural. Even for agriculture societies. There's a period of labor and work and then rest and harvest. So don't sweat it Jess! Just get to know your flow and enjoy the rest breaks. With that said though it helps to do bloodwork to make sure you are not missing any vitamins or something else.
Jess, thank you for this amazing podcast! I listened intently and a few times had goosebumps! You are such a wonderful person! How happy are those in your close circle to have you as a friend, a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister, a coworker. I wish I had a friend like you!
🥹🥹🥹 you have no idea how much I needed a comment like this. Or maybe you did (is it that obvious)?!?! Either way, thank you. ~J
heck yes, this reflection is so thoughtful and so well put. it's helpful for me to think about survival parenting --did not know about that term before!
There are so many posts this week, yaay! 🎉
The amount of hugs I wanted to give you, almost like my supersmall grandma kissing without any boundaries and leaving the biggest lipstick impression on the face...
You have a very compassionate, understanding and forgiving tone towards your parents. When you talk about them, it's easy to realize what a self-sacrificing and smart daughter you are. But I hope you are not afraid to criticize them for what they may have hurt in you. One should not excuse every parental expectation our caretakers had with their own traumatization. Your parents also have a responsibility to adapt their attitude towards you to today's conditions. Please take care of your heart
I appreciate this comment so much and totally get what you meant 🫶🏼 appreciate you adding that it is a shared experience and that’s where you’re coming from!!! Glad you are here. ~Jess
I love this podcast!!! I’ve been a listener since the beginning ❤️
I really relate to everything you said this episode. My family are from Asia and I was born in Canada. I’ve always known about high context vs low context cultures, but I’ve never heard of survival parenting!!! This is really helpful for me ❤️ I think I’m experiencing something similar with my parents… thanks Jess!
FYI, the American South is a high-context culture. My experience with my parents (whose families have been in this country for many generations) was exactly as you described with yours-e.g. something as simple as a certain look on my dad’s face could send me into the “I’m a bad person” spiral. I definitely think it’s more trauma-based than anything else.
I consider myself creative, but definitely more in a mental way of forming ideas and not so much in a litteral creating way.
I guess I'm more of a theoretical person than a practical one. Idk.
Jess, it’s so interesting to hear your thoughts on this. I have personally been unpacking this in my own life. We have many parallels in our journey! It’s been a joy to hear your process. I started pottery classes last August and it’s been the weirdest experience discovering I’m a creator, a creative person. My kids just unpacked my childhood journals, scrapbooks, poetry books, sketch books, novels I had started writing, and even the punk rock zine I was trying to publish back in 2002 😂 it is wild unpacking my literal childhood and realizing all I did was create, constantly, yet I have never considered myself an artist or a creator. ❤ It’s a wonderful title and I am now proudly trying to allow myself to be honest about who I am. It has been very freeing.
Love this episode and your vibe! ❤
Brilliant Jess! This resonated pretty strongly.
I really appreciate you discussing the topic of disapproval from parents. It seriously made me feel much less alone. My parents have become very rejecting towards me ever since I decided to switch to a creative career path and it has been a huge struggle. I've been doing EMDR therapy for a year now, and it has helped a lot.
I'm so happy you touched on this high vs. low contact culture thing. I haven't heard of things. I haven't heard anyone speak about it. I've been in therapy over ten years because I had to leave my family. Just moving out as a single woman was seen as wrong. Pretty much most of what's normal in the U.S. was wrong in their eyes and I grew up in the U.S. A large part is because they were toxic and abusive, but in addition to that there is this huge cultural difference coming from a collectivist culture and what I see high-context. It makes so much sense. One look or expression has so many layers that's hard to explain to someone that doesn't come from that background. Feel you on this so much. Thanks for sharing Jess
Love listening to you talk! Can’t wait for the vlogs. I’ve also been thinking about starting EMDR. It sounds so beneficial.
Thanks for the solo episode while Caroline is away. I enjoyed hearing about EMDR and learning a bit about how it's different from talk therapy. I can think of scenarios where my body responds disproportionally to the situation and something like this might be beneficial. Toodeloo, Jess!
Have you read the book „Big magic“ by Elizabeth Gilbert? It has been sitting on my shelf for a while now and I have to admit that I haven’t read all of it yet, so I may be wrong, but from how I understand it, it is exactly about the issue you are having with your creativity! How to nurture it and bring more into your life (and surely not by having less rest or judging yourself for it).
I’m giving this podcast a second chance after one of Caroline’s latest CZcams videos and I’m so glad I am!
We’re really cookin these days!!! Glad you’re back!
Lovely episode; great to tune in and hear how therapy's been helping you and also this interesting slump on being creative.
To chime in with my two cents, at first I wanted to suggest allow yourself to (continue) be(ing) in contemplation. Because, there is power or rather benefits of allowing yourself ruminate over things without receiving an immediate answer, contrary to how school conditioned us to be. That said, after finishing the video, and relating because my parents are immigrants (fled war and after effects of war), I wonder if your relationship with creating (and I do mean it as a verb because creation is an action, versus how you’ve stated as a way of being) is because your relationship with your parents (how you feel or rather how your body’s nervous system reacts to perceived disappointment and disapproving tension). Your reaction to the trauma of having your parents give you a disapproving look or express disappointment may show up as you blocking yourself from fulling acknowledging and feeling when you are creative and creating. I could be pulling this out of my ass, and I am not blaming your parents in fact to me sounds like it was how young jess solved the problem to prevent further disapproval or disappointment. And I say that to say, to me, it sounds like you’ve been creating a bunch and variety of things yet you’ve only recently gave your younger self credit.
As you describe it, my inlaws from Russia are this kind of survival parents, and I highly feel/notice the effects of this on my husband (as does he himself)!
On the other hand my own western (German) parents seem to have those tendencies themselves, coming from families of post-war, depressed parents.
So anyway, I think I know exactly what you mean.
Btw. what you told about those little sounds/expressions reminded me so much of my highschool friend, that had Pakistani parents! She always said "pfff" loud and demonstratively when she was annoyed! 😅
The world is a wild place and humans all in all are weird. 😂
I've never thought about this idea of what makes someone "a creative"..and the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't define it! I guess I would just define someone as a creative if they LEAN IN more to their creative side??🤔
Have you been reading about covid and vaccination problems. I had the worst brain fog for years. It's just starting to diminish. Tired and no motivation since after covid. Read up on it and see if any of it applies to you. I bet it has affected a large number of people. Love you girl. Just listen to your body and follow what it's saying.
Oooh can you and your boyfriend do a podcast together? We got Carooline's take would be cool to hear your side of things :) but also I get if you don't want to overshare about your lives or include too much of your personal life on the podcast.
JESS!!! YOU WERE DJ!!!?????
No stop I’m not well
I mean, we do create and edit audio content every week… sooOoOoo…….