Narcissistic Parents: How they React When You Finally Go No-Contact
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 29. 06. 2024
- In this video, I talk about narcissistic parent's reactions when you go no-contact. Learning about these is crucial for reinforcing your self-differentiation and ensuring you have the strategies to uphold your no-contact decision effectively.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can helpđđŒ
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DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
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This is my reality atm. I'm 40 yr old single parent with 3 boys my middle child has complex medical needs so I moved home to the family property to live with my father because of complete burnout. My father started treating my middle son like he treats me. I called him out on his behaviour. He got physical and I have gone almost no contact since then. Me and my boys are currently Homeless and I doubt myself everyday whether I'm the toxic one and then I'll watch you or another CZcamsr that lists all the things my father did. During the year I lived with my father my boys ADHD medication kept disappearing turned out that when I was taking my boys to drs appointments or was shopping my father would sell the boys ADHD med's for cash. Now he is telling all my siblings and the rest of my family that I was the one doing it. I lived on a street that had 13 drug dealers ( I live in Australia) 2 were weed dealers the rest were harder drugs with labs.
I have always been the one that gets the blame, my niece's acting out when they were teenagers my fault, my other niece (18)fell pregnant 6 months after I fell pregnant with my middle boy, my fault I was 25 at the time and engaged to be married. she lived more than 700 miles away from me.
They are just the easier ones that don't hurt as much now.
I've had other family members threaten mine and my boys lives if I go to the police. I'm just trying to get out of the town that I haven't been allowed to leave since I was born, my middle boys medical needs have stopped us from leaving as quickly as I would like. Some of his symptoms are from the trauma, his currently in a wheelchair and its just me, I have no support. How does anyone do this and survive to the other side.
Sorry didn't mean to trauma dump.
I just wanted to say thank you finding you helps me deal a little bit everyday.
đ
âIf you go no contact with us, weâll go no contact with you!â
Donât threaten me with a good time đ
This is why when i blocked my mothers number she blocked mine đźđź
đ€Łđ„łđđđ
Or they do false accusations at child care. Truth came out, but it scared my heart
Until you need money and food and housing.
That is comedy gold!!!!...thankyou for that tidbit.
Smear campaigns
Silent treatment
All-out war
Siblings engaged as flying monkeys
"Anonymous" letters in the mail
Full on discard
My parents are such bitter people. It's hard to miss them.
Exactly what Iâm going through now . Older sisters kiss my parents ass who were the worst and all smear me and call me a liar
It's great no contact, don't have to worry about their behaviors! Enjoy your sanity.
@@stevec3892 Same. I've been no contact for 5 years.
threats--consequences--dangling goodies/ carrots! It did not work with ME , I am ME!
I understand completely...i dont miss mine as individuals but i do miss having a childhood and real family
No amount of money is worth being chained to someone who is manipulative and controlling. No thank Q. I'll make my own money.
There is no guarantee of the money. Any perceived slight could set them off at anytime and youâd never know the exact moment you are written out of the will. Or they will get scammed or find Jesus at the last second and give it all to the church. Iâve witnessed all of these scenarios play out. The odds of seeing any payout for decades of misery are very very low. They are some of the most vindictive, insecure people on the planet.
No thank Q....love it đ
Going through the same thing, but am having trouble finding work. Career shipped overseas and replaced by AI.
Why did the narcissist cross the road? They thought it was a boundary.
Very good, well said!
Lol, love it.đ
bruh
đâ€â€
@@littledroogy ⥠A joyful life is already too short, laugh while you are able.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
I find all of it sad. My mom has admitted to me several times that I am the honest, trustworthy child but she turns my siblings against me and uses me as a scapegoat and way to get pity. She knows she is wrong how she treats me is wrong but the payoff for her works. My siblings know better but I think they enjoy acting evil without guilt. They think I deserve it all. They thought that when I was 9, 11, 15, 23, 39, and 55. It never stops. Sad. But they do not care.
My Mom was jealous of me and Dad looking alike. Whenever she was mad at him, she was mad at me đ€ and I didn't do anything!
Same here....big hug for you.
And then they try to make you feel bad about not wanting to be their punching bag/scapegoat anymore. I have a not spoken to my mother in three years after her last gaslighting attempt. She dragged my oldest daughter into (with $$$$$) and she got the same treatment as Mom did. My 3 sisters decided to chime in- and they too were thrown to the wind.
I refuse to continue to live the second half of my life in turmoil regardless of who I have to be seperated from. I am going to be happy dang it because I deserve to be!
Hahaha same here I'm in my mid 60s.
Profound mental illness. What's the benefit connecting? Zero!
I relate. Glad we're both still here and fighting for a happier outcome, no matter the struggle.
Block stop âđ she's only out to torture you, that's what golden child's for, I'm next of kin watching her back, not very hard competition, she tortures the other ones saying you're the favorite, good luck you've lasted this long, I'm no contact all around, it's the least I can do! đ
My mom truly destroyed my life. Now I need to fix what's left as best as possible.
Cut your losses and count your blessings, that you know is half the battle, sorry for your pain I am sure you are an amazing person, mom belittled me at every chance, enjoyed destroying people, a cult, anyone in her inner circle fooled until they did a narc injury then it was slander at will, I enjoyed her cie until she found me boring than she found other uses for me torturing me to uplift herself, no one to tell really, normal people don't want to hear it and rack it up to reg family drama!
â@@joseenoel8093Same here
Same
†Hope you find love and peace. Sending you good energy
Same here. Itâs hell on earth.
I tried for so many years, and finally went NC. No guilt, shame or remorse. Just freedom and peace. Jerry is right about NC being self-care. I was neglecting myself and my needs by continuing my own torture being around those people. I donât care what they lie about, I gave my narc mother the ultimate sob story sheâs always wanted to play victim. Woe is her forever. Except I no longer have to play the game, knowing my name was already being smeared as the scapegoat.
I still feel sad that I was forced into this, but I'm 1000% better off as a person for doing it.
Megan, your life story is very similar to mine. My Mother too NEEDS to be a victim for her audience. I went no contact after my FOURTH mental breakdown ( I'm 63 now lol, so they were spaced out some đ€Ł) and feel PEACE. Ofcourse to quote Billie Eilish "I'm the bad guy" . The whole Rotary movement of the British Isles have probably heard how wronged she is by the ungrateful one but hey, I'm the Truth Teller and truth is a misnomer in our treatcherous family. Self-care ? I wasn't allowed to use the word "I" when growing up - my grandiose father called me selfish. Kids do not ASK to be born.
@@johedges5946 Iâm HOWLING at the British Isles reference đđđ but thatâs exactly how they are! Screaming from the rooftops of how weâve wronged them. Proud of you for breaking free as well, no matter how much time it took us!
The narc teaches us to neglect ourselves from birth
Jerry, I had no idea that you know my mother! LOL
I know, right? He keeps reading from my diary verbatim. Lol.
Lol
He knows mine too đ đđđđ
Going NC was best decision ever. Thatâs when my healing truly began. I have never been happier.
When I left my parents to live with my boyfriend at around 19 I thought things would instantly change. I thought getting away from my mom would heal me magically and suddenly. No one told me about how the voices of your parents linger, even when you get away from them. The sooner the better for everyone
Please, get guidance and support group
.....But with time, effort, & some kindness for ourselves those lingering voices eventually gradually begin to fade until 1 day they're goneâ€ïžâđ©č.Best wishes for your healing journey.
Yesss...and I might sound a bit cold but when I heard my dad died I felt more relief that he wasn't here anymore than sadness....but I seem to still have a deep love for him and my mom I'm just not affected by their absence or death if tht makes sense
Yes and I jumped right to a narc husband for this reason - đą
My parents went straight to silent treatments the first moment I tried to be heard. It's not like they were trying to contact me. The rule was simple, shut up or phukc off. No in-between. They have told everybody I broke *their* heart, while giving me the cold shoulder for 4+ years
Well, we hear you, and you are validatedâ€
Empty self involved people
đ
That's what they do! Play the victim. While they act like Furious Wolves behind the scenes.
Be thankful they leave you the heck alone, these people are completely unhinged MONSTERSđ€ąđ€ź.
Almost all of these have happened to me as I've gone low contact.
The scapegoating/smear campaign is what happened when I went NC with my mom. The last family function we were at together, I overheard her talking sh*t about me to other relatives. It sucks. But I know the family member who know me, know what the lies are and hopefully see and appreciate that I have never stooped to that level. I feel like the fact that she has and I haven't speaks volumes about us and what's going on.
My family don't care about losing me. Because there's nothing else they can take from me
Been there. They never cared in the first place.
Be careful
Love bombing and hooverings fell me very deep down
By my mom and my ex
I had to hospitalise myself in mental institution, in closed unit. And even there they were able reach me and has me...
Be careful
THEY like predators and know when you at your weakest...
May my prayers go with you
@@matikramer9648 I'm really sorry you went through all of this xx
@@matikramer9648 They really are like predators. :( They don't stop. :( Even months after I went no-contact, my mother attempted to hoover me. Even while smearing me to people. It's like she cannot conceive that a NORMAL person doesn't want to help someone who is INSULTING them behind their backs. It's delusional. And yet, it makes their victims go insane also. I hope you have loving people around you to keep you grounded in reality. :(
So many going no contact. I've noticed you also speak about this more now than your previous videos. People are realizing apologies and boundaries don't work with too many dysfunctional families. People are now putting all the pieces of the puzzle together learning it is not just 1 or 2 events .. it's a history of disrespect and mistreatment
I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused since a kid. Parents were heavy drinkers. I lived my life in confusion and frustration until my late 50's. I've been no contact now for 7 years. Now my mom is in poor health, near the end of her days and the family says they need me to help care for her.
I'm not going back. And yes, i do have feelings of guilt, hurt, anger and regret, wondering why my family was so dysfunctional. They say I'm the selfish one for leaving. It hasn't been easy.
They guilt tripping you
Can you go to full no contact? Do you have support group or guidance?
You're not!
Don't go back. :( I made the mistake of getting hoovered back for my dad's terminal illness. My mother used and abused me financially, isolating me from my husband AND my kids. It was sick. I can't believe i fell for it. She future-faked me that if I helped her with the house repairs (and there were SO MANY REPAIRS), she would sell the house and move to a safer assisted living community that my dad even wanted to move into! Many thousands of dollars later... of MY MONEY, MY TIME, and having quit my job to stay alone with these sick delusional people in their hoarded house, getting yelled at for unblocking doorways and throwing away rotten moldy shit, she said she didn't want to sell the house. And refused to give me a POA, but was doing financially stupid things, and asking me to fix them, and then getting mad at me when I did. It's hopeless to help true narcissists. My mother-in-law was NOT like this, when she became elderly. She and my father-in-law downsized twice as they got older, and they were happy to let my sister-in-law help them with their finances when they became confused. My mother is like that dog on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge when it was collapsing, that bit its owner when it tried to pull it from the car. So the dog went down with the bridge. My mother fought my help, and she won. I'm done. No-contact since my poor father's death. It's been my salvation, and the salvation of my husband and kids.
â@matikramer9648
I don't see them or interact with at all. I'm about as full-on, no contact as I can be except changing phone#. It's not hard finding people nowadays unless you make it a point to disappear. I hope others in this situation find the means and strength to get away. Don't be fooled thinking that you can fix it. It just prolongs it. It can be difficult but once your living in peace, you'll never want to be in that or around people like that again.
They're the selfish ones for expecting you to take care of her after she put you through all of that! They just don't want to deal with her anymore - and just aren't telling you that part.
It's the flying monkey that reaches out and gains status / family approval by reporting back to the abusers. Awful
I had to go no contact with them, too.
It's so comforting to know these behavior patterns are common. I was cleaning some old emails and found one from my narc father asking me to come home for the holidays. I calmly responded I wouldn't feel comfortable after the last time I was home when he blew up at me and I quoted what hurtful things he said. His response: denied it! Fast forward 20 years, he did, indeed, cut me out of his will. He forgot to remove me from his life insurance. Interesting to note, I got no enjoyment from that money because everything with him was clouded and lacked generosity and joy.
No contact for over 30 years still tries through my children and even grandchildren
Wow....good for you. I wish i had known about it all earlier.
My father told me for many years I would not be included in his will.. I still have the letter from him taking me off the will. He sent it a few days before Christmas.. I told him thanks, best Christmas gift ever and went no contact. A few years later he committed suicide under the care of his narcissistic daughter. He was 94.. hummmm
Mine as poor as a church mouse đ, he supported her and her bastard son, when asked if I wanted to go through his things, nope đ đ», he was in public housing and she prob got kicked out, I don't owe them anything I'm good with that!
All of that and more. Very glad to live 1000 miles away from it all.
Me too
I did the same in the 70's new city, new friends and a very healthy new surrogate family.
Im 5000 miles away.....somehow still not far enough.
I changed country and continent. The best thing I have ever done in my life.
My mom has followed me and has isolated me from everyone in the family, she has accused me of everything she did, she tried to destroy my marriage, she paid people to follow me and tried to ruin my career in a job where reputation matters. When I fell ill during the pandemic she said that if I hadn't died already I should give my body to science and that I was a liar. I've always been ill all my childhood. She also said if I were ill it was a punishment cause I didn't respect my parents (my dad who divorced her ended up listening to her and he was all I had, I loved him so much). One day, she said that she had an abortion after I was born and that she made a mistake, I'm the one she should have thrown away. She is the most despicable person ever and people think she's awesome. Even though she did all this, I'm glad she's out of my life. It was worth it. I can't stand her before I left her I'd throw up at the sound of her voice. How sad this is.
I'm very sorry to hear
I wish you luck in staying away from her. My best wishes and prayers for you and your health
@@matikramer9648 Thank you very much for your message and support. I wish you the best :)
I threw up after a mother's day lunch
The only way to go no contact is for them not to have you contact details.
Some of them don't care when you go nc, you don't hear anything for ages. In some ways, it's worse.
Many people balk at no contact due to lost inheritance but I believe if you frame it differently you'll see a dividend. In addition to the savings of wasted time and energy you will literally save thousands potentially spent on therapy and treatments for the illnesses they will cause. See it like cutting a tumor out of your brain. And then being freed up to bring better people and experiences into the rest of your life. Best wishes everyone and massive appreciation to our esteemed Jerry. â€
They were never going to leave you an inheritance anyway. Plus, if they were hoarders, then that means you don't have to deal with the serious problems of their hoarder houses. There are CZcams videos that show what those are really like, and it's a real bio-hazard.
I had all of that when I talked to them. But my story of going no contact is quite different. Since then, it's SILENCE. They do not care, they can't cope as mature adults. You just cease to exist. I know because it happened with my father when I was a child. He became "you know who" and only because I talked about him from time to time. But he was as good as dead. So am I to them. It's sad, unhealthy and I am still ashamed. The silver lining is I don't live in drama anymore. The abuse is in the past. But I grieve for a family I never had.
Create your own family with friends.
â€â€â€đąaww that's very sad,but unfortunately I guess we all have to create our own families, since we weren't/ aren't loved
That's the beauty of it though.....Now you get to create your own loving healthy familyâ€ïžâđ©č.As my life motto goes...I'd rather have even just a single lovely đč growing in my garden than an entire yard full of poison ivy.
Exactly leaving you searching forever for all the reasons why.
Donât be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. Youâve shared your story with us. Start to share it with people you know. So many of us are dealing with unhealthy family issues. I know too many people who have abuse, trauma, and addiction as part of their familyâs story. Some people have more than one trauma to deal with. Youâre not alone. Youâre not the only person who has emotionally immature family members. All of us who are commenting on this video also have emotionally immature family members. We see you. We want the best for you.đ
I had multiple rounds of every single thing spoken about in this video. Three years after no contact I still doubt myself as I was conditioned to do so and then I hear your words and realize I am not insane and evil... I'm going to be ok.
Nothing insane or evil about taking good care of yourself. Well done, you.
That part about you going no contact inadvertently exposes the family is 1000 percent true. I think my FIL is struggling with this bc he has to know I don't like him and he tries to coerce me back into the fold. I'm low contact and he has tried all those tricks: Money, future faking with trips, manipulation with inheritance. Instead of honesty and accountability, I get coercion. They are crazy making people. đ
đđđ»đđ»Good on you for not taking that poisoned baitđȘ€!It's all just "dodo bird prizes" as I call them....The shiny things they dangle in front of you AREN'T Âœ as good as they pretend they are because it comes at 10x the price of what it's actually worth.
That's just it! Instead of just being honest and caring and accountable..... NO. They always choose manipulation. Pain. There is no love in these sick people. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. :( It colors everything they do. They cannot change or accept change. It's both sad and yet disgusting.
I'm in a position that i neither care what they do nor can they really do anything of substance to me or mine.
I wish the same for all of you, and you can get there if you keep going and don't give up.
Yep, it's acceptance. Thank you.
Lucky....im sure you worked hard to be in that position. Im almost there...just a few threads of guilt to obliterate.
@@user-tn8fu1gx3v you've got this đȘ
Thank you
Much appreciate it
I really needed to hear it today
Narcissist is one thing. Covert is worse!
Covert narcissist is worse
Want to know the WORST thing?All full-blown narcs can behave in a covert manner depending upon the time/situation/đŻ/placeđ€ą.This is why it's so important to understand both the covert & overt types of behavior, they're typically a mix of BOTH types of behaviors even if they primarily exhibit 1 typeđ€ź.
Reframing the narrative is very popular because they have to make themselves appear to be the victim. They are such âright fightersâ, that they need to appear to have done everything right in a given situation. There is no truth in them, especially if they are enraged. So as they retell a story, they come out shining like gold.
....But the wise & healthy can still đ that they're just a đ© spray painted with cheap gold paint.đđđ»
My mother attempted to use Xmas money and bday money for my child as a means to control me. I told her she could put the money in mail. She was like you can come get it. I told her than she can keep it. My toddler doesnât need it that badly.
Disgraceful...they have no ground level when it comes to manipulation.
I replace the word âfamilyâ with âcultâ and it all makes so much more sense. Therapy is a part of my deprogramming but staying away from the cult has been essential to understand where they end and I begin.
Exactly. I think my parents did try to start a cult, without their thinking of it that way. They got all uber-religious but not like anything in any known religion. Just kind of went off on their own, self published a bunch of books, blah blah. They have the nerve to go off about how families should be and even write about scapegoating "straying" children and whatever, and I'm all, "Dear Reader, have you **met** my parents??!" Anywho. Sorry for what you've been through. It really is hard, but that's what this community is for, so I'm glad we're here!
Narcissists all hate no contact.
What you said about if you pull out your puzzle piece, the rest of the puzzle has to adjust. Wow, so true. It is sad how many comments are on this video. Shows how big of a problem this
really is.
I've dealt with a narcissistic mother my whole life and I'm 42 now. Last year I found the strength to go no contact. My mum lied to everyone about why, tried to turn my children against me and when I wouldn't change my mind and my children wouldn't go against me she kicked us out off the will. It was the Best decision I've ever made because I'm less stressed and we are happier without her toxic behaviour.
My mother sent me a geneology tree and I wasn't even on it!!!! My sister was, but not me. I think they just hope people won't know I exist.
ohâ€its dificult even to read it! the most powerful is to forgive them... not easy, often i question if their brain does realise how evil and hurtinh they act ... life is not black&white... relationships are complicated :/
I've been there. I have met people that thought she had four kids when she actually had 5. I was the kid she never talked about. However, I had an extended family that was AWESOME. Therefore, I never felt bad, just amused.
Hopefully you wete adopted and the A.holes you left behind wernt actually yours, just be happy and focus on your own happyness, it might sound selfish but who else will think about your happyness, good luck
Wowwwww
My toxic grandmother went to a wedding of one of her daughters. When one of the daughters stopped by the table to say hi to toxic Grandma, toxic Grandma replied with âwho are you?â
What the.
â@@Tasa1k0BelovedRelationships may be complicated....But abuse sure isn't.Abuse is abuse. Forgiveness is for ourselves & allowing ourselves to move on... Reconciliation is for others & there is no reconciling with these ice-cold abusive individuals.
Ive yet to watch but in my experience they use you going no contact to further play the victim as to especially why she has threated me this way but also to further her lies to others. Ive no contact pre covid 2019.. and my life is more peaceful
Ive gone no contact with my Birth Family. Absolutely no respect for my wife or me treated like 3rd class Citizen's.
Tried my hardest to no avail. Now ive escaped i realise how toxic they have been they certainly didn't love me !
Anyway im moving on and up me and my wife have peaceful weekends now with our Cocker spaniel. Mark from England.
Mark, I'm in the same boat. I'm the wife, received the same treatment from them. My husband stood up for me and I'm to blame for everything according to the monster-in-law narcissist. Like you and your wife, we enjoy our time together with our Shih Tzu pup. Enjoy your life together, it's your life and it is not for outsiders to control!
@@shihtzuluvrtwo6386 Thank you you feel like it's only you this is happening too.And you realise your not .Enjoy your life Blessings.
I went no contact with my adopted parents. A man more than twice my age started a fight with me at a party, but I ended it. My parents were infuriated that I had the gall to fight back. I also have a cocker spaniel, and he is the best dog. Excellent breed :)
Out of sight, out of mind. They didnât noticed me gone. They found new supply.
I so wish my narc mother would just accept the fact I do not want to hear from her anymore, of course I blocked her phone number but she keeps leaving messages into my answering machine, which sadly cannot be blocked. She is trying to hover me in order to punish me further and she does not allow me to simply forget she exists. Se knows what she's doing. Fortunately all my sisters were previously abused by her, so at least they are happy I am now no contact. It's sad but I will only find peace when she will be gone.
May you find peace and serenity sooner, much sooner.
Change phone #?
@@TheHelenhunter useless, I should give my number to the rest of the family and she would manage to get it from someone. But I found a different solution, I blocked notifications from the answering machine :) Thanks for your suggestion though
I've been avoid no contact for the longest and after reading Polyvagal theory, I see how much damage being around very aggressive and domineering people can cause.
And as a scapegoat, getting interventions just causes more one sided warfare.
People who can handicap another's nervous system with that traumatic rage Jerry mentioned, are necessary candidates for no contact I'm learning.
Additional, I heard especially those on ASPD scale really don't honor boundaries. In my family, boundaries are seen more like frivolous obstacles and dweeb is meekly requesting. Gets smacked away harder and lighter than an air puck.
Bless you Jerry!
In 2016, i cut off everyone I knew and moved across the country. They found me. Since my restraining order against them expired in 2020, they sent cards, gifts, my cousin who moved nearby, and then my mother popped up at my door again this past April. Their persistence only makes me stronger.
Stay strong and flexible
My children wanted to change their surname
May the providence guide you
Thank you, Jerry. I need the validation that it's ok that I'm living a happier life after going no contact with my family who never wanted me in the first place.
You deserve the happy life you want â€ïž
After years, decades, sometimes lives, they finally accept the non contact because the scapegoat is entering the hard phase life : aging. During all that time, they have plotted and watched. Now, they still watch owing to the flying monkeys and everything they find. Thus, they will get their fuel even if the scapegoat is far away, suffering from illnesses, solitude or a bad life.
..... Only if we let them.We WERE absolutely victims but it's up to us in regards to whether or not we choose to work on healing ultimately, they're not actually part of that no matter how important they may delusionally believe they are.It's a lot of effort & time to heal but it's well worth itâ€ïžâđ©č.
Yes, they are perpetual creepers. :(
That's why posting fake "Look at my great life!" images on social media is so important. Never let them know when you're vulnerable.
My mother now97 stole and conned me out of all my money 30 yrs ago to control me financially since then .I have gonenocontact for8months now.
I never get what i expect from your videos, In the best way! I always learn so much from the way you see and approach the topics you talk about! Thank you so much Jerry!
(Btw your program is life changing, I wish I had access to it earlier â€ïž)
Happy to hear that!
I can't tell you how much your videos have helped me, Jerry. Thank you so much. đđŒ
Happy to hear that!đ
My father decided that I was a victim of "False Memory Syndrome" and this was something my therapist was feeding me lies. I had one joint session and then went no contact on Father's Day. He told everyone who asked about me this, so if I blamed him and told people, he would be covered. He had no concern about me. DARVO .
Great video. I'm so glad I dont have to lose this battle w myself anymore. I'll keep reminding myself no contact is self care. â€
You got this!đđŒ
I don't want a inheritance from my mother. Not a single thing. I told my aunt I had to cut ties with my mothers siblings because she would use anyone she could to get to me. All while my aunt was being used to manipulate me. She got a few hundred buck from me and it was worth every penny. That was the last contact I had with any of them. Then I moved half way across the country. The one person I see that she does is my sister. She's schizophrenic. Lives in a nursing home. Makes it hard to manipulate her. I still have a great relationship with my sister, my dad, my children & grandchildren. My husband's family is great. We live near them now. My children have all been hurt by her. They have very little to do with her. Every once in a while they see her at a holiday but rarely. After my grandpa passed away there was nobody that made it worth the pain.
đ
Twenty years ago they all went away together and never asked me .
Awful...
â@@user-tn8fu1gx3vAwful, sure......But it's also a darn gift in disguise ultimately babyđđđ»!
Just remember that your worth and identity is not determined by a certain group of people, or any people for that matter. By treating you this way they did not determine your worth, they just exposed what's inside of THEM, what they're made of and what type of people they are. You don't need phony people around you, find the ones that have good and decency and love inside of them đđđŒ
I dunno Jerry; if 30 mil is on the line I might have to compromise đ. Great video as always!
That's mere chump change for your happiness, peace, & overall health!đ€
When I went no contact my father used my bipolar disorder against me by telling me and my whole family that I'm delusional to think that I was ever abused. Told me I'm not well. Thanks Dad for the gaslighting.
I have cut off contact with the two people who were the most toxic and abusive my mother and brother. I had enough and now that they are out of my life I am happy with no drama.
đŻ You expressed my sentiments regarding my reason for going no contact.
You are describing my mom.
I went no contact a couple of months ago...nobody reached out at all. LOL.
Same, big hug to you.
@charlotteinfj4412 I was worried about defending myself.....its been confusing but much more calming for me. I hope you are having a similar response.
GOOD. YOU SHOULD BE GLAD.
@@user-tn8fu1gx3v It was painful for a long time, knowing they didn't care if I lived or died. But when I am looking at the past, it was always like that. I am moving toward acceptance. My "mother"/abuser couldn't give me the love she does not have in her. I bet it's the same for everyone here... Thank you, have a great day.
â@@ImissyoulouYeppers!It's a darn đ when they don't bother youđđđ».
this is a bit of a ramble, but for what it's worth to others who have had to go no-contact:
going strong on 5+ years no-contact from my abusive, narcissistic biological family (especially my mother). i was for 25+ years a scapegoat and took the brunt of emotional and physical abuse. still regular hoovering, stalking, gaslighting, love bombing, threatening me and my chosen family's safety, etc.... it is incredibly painful but i am unyielding for my own sake
to make matters worse they did not accept me when i came out to them - and so while i was kicked out of the family, they are still trying to put me back in the closet and into my old shell of a former "self" to perform the family roles i once did to my own self-detriment, as if nothing even happened. this was the breaking point to me, as i was either going to finally break free from them or end my life
had to go no-contact to live, and given no respect of boundaries they are only showing why they don't deserve yet another chance. it is hard that they will not likely ever understand, despite me explaining it all
i have done everything under the sun to keep them away so i can heal from c-ptsd they caused, but it is hard to keep going sometimes without that closure. i do not believe they will ever accept i am gone - and that they never knew or will acknowledge the true me - and so i wish they would leave me alone so i can keep healing and finding peace
this all has been deeply frustrating, but i do not regret my choices. i needed no-contact, and there is no amount of shaming on their part that'll ever bring me back
Hoovering five years out. Ugh. I wish you freedom from that toxicity. I'm only 6 months out, and keep getting flying monkey hoovers too. I've already explained why I went no-contact. It's like I never said anything. Narcissistic parents are truly delusional. :(
@@mvbigmagic4048 wishing you the best as well - we both deserve it, and thank you for your empathy and in sharing in solidarity
I'm coming up on 7 years no contact. We've had one family function in that time - a funeral - and he was embarrassing and awful, but my cousins had my back. His siblings have asked me lots of questions about it which I understand. One in particular who I'm quite close to I would bet is hearing the brunt of it from him and likely being blamed for my decision. My brother didn't officially go NC like I did by writing a letter, but he's adopted the same behavior. We're both so much freer now.
I am NC/LC in the same house as the parent. I am risking inheritance just because I won't be verbally abused anymore. They really don't seem to care, but there have been things set up to try an trick me into asking questions. I wont do it. A bit of niceties given that will never balance out the accusations and insults. No apologies from them, ever. I can't remember apologies ever being offered throughout their crappy parenthood. I was a good sport for most of my life. All it got me was maneuvered into a financial crisis. I expect the parent will spend all the money, so why be abused another 10 yrs?
Reasonable reasoning, sorry for words play
Actually it is called "future faking"... They promise mountains of gold or whatever they promise to charm you back just to insult you and to turn you into enemy No1... My mom did it to me, so does my ex..... Be careful, please
Even if they don't spend it all narcs are highly likely to donate it all to charity to spite you even after you care for them in their old age.
What you stated in this video is 100% true! Since my husband went no contact with his mother, his brothers are silent, so is she. Once in a while the flying monkeys shows up and we pretend not to be home.đ
mine told everyone I was a drug addict and a mental case and wanted nothing to do with me.
Going no contact is about ME ,it's because I cannot be a person that I am not.
My narc family only ever reaches out to me when they want material to use against me, or to rip apart anything that's good in my life. I had to go no contact to protect myself and heal (still working on that, with God's grace and love).
When i meet extended family i say I'm the baaâąaaâąaad one, they laugh. Just make a joke out of the ridiculous behaviour of your "Loving Family". đ
I went no-contact with my alcoholic, narcissistic mother 8 years ago. Sheâs played every angle possible. Unfortunately my life is so peaceful without her.
Great video. You are absolutely spot on, going no contact exposes the family dysfunction. It's all about the optics with the narcissist, anybody thinking they may be less than perfect is an existential crisis for them.
Thank you much!
Went no contact 6 months ago and you hit the nail on the head! Had to get a warrant out on the egg donor for criminal trespassing stressed out but holding my ground.
Making the decision to go no contact with a parent(s) is a really tough. I finally made that decision after just being fed up with how my mom treats me. Accepting that my mom would never change and that she is in actuality a mean spirited person was a hard pill to swallow because it meant my intuition was right about her. Our mothers are our first love and realizing she never truly loved you, that all the mean and hurtful things said and done to you was a form of abuse. I would always forgive her, thinking she really didn't mean what she said or did because she was tired from work or stressed out from my 5 older siblings. Remembering how I would see my mom treat my brothers and nieces and nephews better and me as if I was so terrible made me make myself small so that I wouldn't make her angry. When she told me I was the mistake I felt like I didn't deserve to live. At 7yrs old I started cutt myself in an attempt to exit my existence. Now at 51 I don't know how I made it this far, but my self care is long over due. Thank you for this video Jerry.đđđâđ
Thank you, Jerry
I will take your last words seriously
When u go no contact, change ur surname. They hate this
Twisted thinking to avoid all of their missteps. They are perfect, you need to understand, you are imperfect. And if do not understand you are imperfect, you will be targeted for real abuse.
I will never understand. Every time I tried to figure out why the narcissist behaves so ridiculous, I got abuse. When I went gray rock ( for decades) the abuse came in long lectures heavily sprinkled with gaslighting and boundary crossing.
My life, is insignificant. In order to be significant, in the narcissist mind,is to have the capability to take abuse 100%. 24/365.
As I get older, I realize my capability to take abuse is decreasing at a very rapid rate. And actually trying to help means you need to suffer more than the person you're trying to help.
Quite the lifestyle! Sure it makes zero sense! I am here to feel worse than you! They live to hurt others.
Been "No Contact" just a short 6 months, I'm just starting to feel myself again. I'm human. Not a punching bag for a narcissist. If anyone treats me like a punching bag, they'll find out quickly, I will punch back. I've learned the hardest way possible narcissists need to see you love yourself, something they're scared of, and in order to love yourself, to be truly human, you'll need to go no contact.
That's harsh advice, I know, but zero apologies, it's the truth. Narcissists get worse, not better. That's how you'll know you're dealing with one.
I totally agree what you did say about no contacted on the narcissists family hadn't seen my family over 30years. I did try to reconcile with them it back fired on the phone. Putting over 300miles away did help tremendously đ Thank you Jerry for your input it most definitely means a lot what you are saying.
I really appreciate this video. Iâve been low contact and my mom just played victim and made me look like the bad guy with my aunt recently. I was upset for a while and feeling guilt/shame and then realized I donât need to prove anything and get wrapped back up in the drama. I went low contact for my own self care and mental health, and Iâm owning that.
The abuse continues no matter what. Lovely society.
Yesterday I saw a woman struggling to deal with her "difficult mother" on a supermarket. The old fart would find fault in every soy sauce the daughter suggested. In the end, the daughter just walked off looking so exhausted and annoyed while her mother followed behind mumbling complaints. Then I really remembered why I went no contact with my family of origin, their endless discontentment and bitterness is such a joy sucker, it ends up spoiling every single moment we're with them.
That's really shallow. Seriously. The mother in your story was just trying to look out for either herself or her daughter, who may not have understood nutrition very well. Soy sauce is actually a really difficult one, because on the one hand, you have different levels of sodium, and on the other hand, you have fake vs. real, then there's the sugar vs. corn syrup and so on. It's just a tough food topic to deal with.
Now, if your story had been about the mother personally insulting her daughter, say, about her outfit or some dumb shit like that, then you would have had a point. But seriously, soy sauce? Come on. Sounds to me like her daughter was just a spoiled brat.
When I went no contact, I meant it. They never got my address or phone number. I was most likely scapegoated and certainly cut out of any inheritance, but it was worth the peace of mind I had and have. Now I'm working on forgiving them--from the distance of time. Thank you for this.
I went no-context with most of my family for a while ago. In the least, I went grey-rock with most of my family as I didnât want to deal with them anymore.
Most notable was the situation. My wife notified my father about the stroke I had two months ago, and he literally said, âI donât care if he lives or dies!â and went on some bizarre tirade about âloving himselfâ. He went on his tirade despite my still being connected with my wife via cell. He also brought up withholding inheritance as well (even though he already squandered his inheritance).
My mother, on the other hand went on a love-bombing trip (she offered to help pay for my hospital costs, etc.) until she went on a victim trip on me about her treatment from said narc father (so much so that I had to remove her her from my hospital room).
I haven't spoken to that lady its been 12 yrs. Ran into a longtime friend of hers and he asked me what really happened when i was younger why we dont get along? I told him just about everything and i also told him that if he were to ever say anything to her, that she'd say that I was lying. He spoke to her and what does she tells him? I hope she didn't tell you any lies on me. I just laughed because i knew that's exactly what was going to happen and because I know that she's the type of person that isn't able to acknowledge her wrongdoings, I refuse to ever speak with her again. My life has been peaceful and successful since cutting her off.
â€â€â€u r jerry wise,..the irony..thank u đ
Jerry, this video might be the one helping me the most, my parents passed away physically but all of my siblings are the system worse than a cult, and they are pushing hard wich makes me feel dense emotions, but this has made a click in my mind, im waiting those 5 years you said, this is my first one ...God please help us all haha! thank you very much, you are A BLESSING ON EARTH!!
I have been unaccepted for a long time, I have gone No contact with my mother, and the anxiety, guilt and all you said Iâm going through now. But, my mom, brother have said Iâm a loser, with nothing to offer. And when I was being sexually harassed by a landlord and he evicted me because I wouldnât be his companion and I couldnât find any place to go, my mom told me that my brother and son said to just set her out on the street, she said and Iâm the only one who came for you, and then she told me that my brothers wife kicked him out of their house and my son let him stay with him, and it shattered me. Thatâs just the tip of the iceberg of what has happened.đ
Hi Jerry, I want to thank you so much for all your videos. It has helped me greatly with processing and understand my family situation. Your videos have been very healing for me. Youâre very much appreciated. Thank you đ
I concur
Today, I am weary. My sister and I are estranged. Our brother is an alcoholic/narcissist. Our brother lives with our Mom - who has chronic pain. Our parents enabled our brother for 50+ years. I am tired of being cut off my my sister. But I don't miss the "never can live up to what she expects (appearances)."
I live in a different country
They don't call me because they don't want to spend the money on the phone bill
They expect me to call them
Mother just got large inheritance
Make it make sense
People make time for things they care about. If they cared for you, the phone bill wouldn't matter. They'd reach out even if just for a brief connection.
They are telling you just how uncaring they are, listen to them.
For the last two years Iâve been Nc with my dad and heâs pretended to butt dial me twice within an hour - with 20 min voicemails each of rustling. Then just after the last Fatherâs Day - the second FD I havenât said anything to him, he called me twice in a row but let it ring only once each time - no voicemail this time lool. Two strategies, both super pathetic. He thinks Iâm crazy for not wanting a relationship with him- specifically he thinks Iâm bipolar bc of it. So him calling me is like him trying to remind the crazy girl that he exists bc the crazy girl mustâve forgotten! Thatâs the only thing that makes sense to him. âShe couldnât have meant what she said, she needs mental help obviouslyâ and every Fatherâs Day when he doesnât hear from me his belief is reaffirmed. Playing the victim always. Iâm the only person in his life that sh*t doesnât work with lol
Go far away
Change the phone number, have a restriction order
why donÂŽt you block him?
All of this is very good advice. You have described my mother's behavior more accurately than I could have when I was living with her. I wish I'd had something like this 50 years ago. Thank you.
4:43 LMAO, when you said, âI know someone who was threatened with $30 million dollars,â I said, âOh, sh*t!â LMAO. Thatâs a lot of money. I started laughing when you said that maybe you could be bought after all, who knows. Great video as usual.
Very helpful and intuitive
Glad it was helpful!đ
I love you Jerry!!! â€
Hey Jerry, Iâm very thankful for your videos. Iâve been realizing in time, how hard it is for me to say no to a family member close to me. I make a point of not seeing them for a few months because their high need to control is too stressful. Things have gotten even worse because we have differences in religion, and they are now constantly trying to force me to come to their MLM events. I have a hard time saying no and will come up with excuses to say no to try and avoid a fight or argument. I just want to keep the peace and have a civil discussion but it seems impossible. They wont take no for an answer and its really causing stress and anxiety. I feel like all I am to them is a sales pitch. They have been love bombing me like crazy to get me to try their product and sign up for their opportunity. One time they gave an hour long monologue on the phone about it and never once came up for air. They have a losers vs winners mentality, saying that most people are average and work normal jobs. Would you ever consider doing a video covering narcissism and MLMs?
I grew up in home with a father who made threats his abuse to my mother he never got over his boxing days. Brain injury at 21.i went to catholic school too. Old nasty nuns.. he abused me for moving countries too. I never lived in same city as them. They died 9 days apart. I had peace then.
Exactly how Narcism operates âŠgoing no contact is the only solution. Anything else is permission to them to continue their behavior. And they will every time. Regardless of what they say or do to get you back, in the endâŠ.its only about what they want. Itâs never about you. They donât care about you except for what you can do for them. Donât ever, ever believe they care about you because itâs just not possible for them âŠeven if you are their child.
Scapegoating can backfire. Narcs don't expect the scapegoat to embrace that role, love it and become it fully which in turn exposes the narc to the entire community. Some people really do not care what anyone thinks of them... That's the only way to truly be free.
Both of my sibs have ghosted the narc mothership for years and each other, it has revolved around always having a âbad guyâ. Iâm the baby & only single parent - she helped my ex because she didnât want any divorced kids (like her đ) I stayed loyal to them all far too long, until I almost died. My sister kicked her out of her house for bringing me home to heal. My brother labeled me bi-polar - I was in a head on collision and couldnât walk for 6 months so definitely had some trauma and my hands full. We all live within 5 miles and I had to have home care instead. Not a peep from that nasty sister, not even a text. Everything was about them when I was clearly the victim LMAO. Even empathy for the drunk driver sitting at court while Iâm on crutches- she just couldnât be rude because she would look bad? I wish them well with my absence because now they can focus on each other! Iâm the only kid that chose therapy decades ago, I donât belong to them but truly never did. I followed through with my case alone, then buried dad who had died 15 years ago that they left at the crematorium. THEN I moved 1230 miles away and have people that have loved me for decades that shake their head at my family. They visit - we laugh and love each other unconditionally. Itâs so peaceful not dealing with their constant manipulation. Mourning the family you wish you had is usually what we are doing, YOU DID NOT HAVE A GOOD FAMILY. Understand - thatâs all you were used to and then get help to understand how unhealthy what is comfortable to you really is! My âother motherâ was her best friend for decades, she saw it all and reminds me I was always âtroubleâ for telling the truth. Mom got rid of her fast and thatâs ok because I love her so much for always granting me the right to speak up! My mother dated married men and left me home alone, SO many men- but donât forget church on Sunday đ Sheâs my egg donor and Iâm so grateful she has 2 minions to care for her now, it wonât be this bad egg. Why would she want my help? NahâŠâŠshe wants ATTENDANCE- Denied đ ââïž
This is great advice. Thank you. Your composed and reasonable way of giving these messages is really helpful and healing to me.
I'm already disinherited. Lol.
Ha ha! Same here. My narc mother ensured that
Me too. I'd rather be disinherited than abused. đ
Me too. They needed to "take care" of my alcoholic brother.
Fantastic content. Witnessed this is another nuclear family. Happened just as you said it would here. Wish it all could have been handled differently., but actions were taken before consequences and insane behaviors from narcs ensued. So pathetic.