Why This Couple Became Sexless [ENG CC]
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
- There're many sexless couples in Japan, though we rarely see any of them being truly honest about it. But in this video, this Japanese couple will make full confessions about their sexless life.
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■Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:24 How they met
1:27 When the issue came out
4:33 After the childbirth
6:06 How common it is
7:25 Trying to fix it, but
10:42 Have a boyfriend?
12:53 Meeting
14:37 What they've learned
15:41 Outro
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I think this was your best video by far. It's impressive the amount of self reflexion and integrity that they both showed through their relationship and life together. Amazing lesson, thanks.
his best video was the one about african americans and victim culture 😂😂
Yes, this video was so open and vulnerable. I love that couple for their courage to share their story and to inspire others on how to be open minded and care for others. 👏
Thank you Nobita for what you do! 🙏
@hivemind Has he done one of the home grown terriost in this country. Who they are and why they murder our kids and teachers at school.
@@youtubeuser206Why was it the best if you don’t mind me asking?
❤THETA and IRIS cryptos are the diamond crypto projects nobody knows about, yet ! ❤
Kudos to them for speaking this openly...
Hi anna ☺️
I am not sure if any of them are fully aware of the seriousness of the situation;;;
Right? What they said was really intense! They were very mature, open, and honest about it. I don’t know what the right thing was but I think they did their best.
As a therapist I see people jumping into relationships without talking about the most basic things first all the time. "Basic" meaning morals, expectations and desires regarding s*x and intimacy, kids, finances and beliefs. Even though I see it all the time it still baffles me.
Seriously! My first dates were like job interviews lol
@@jeffypaulina6089 😁😁
As therapist you should know that relationship evolve, love fades, needs and wants change, people fall in and out of love. It's a journey and values matter.
@@kuepandan okay but they were out of sync from day 1. People do change but this is not that.
@@kuepandan Yes that happens but the point here is that the conversation DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN.
It’s my first time seeing japanese people so open about themselves. This couple is such an example to follow. They are really communicating each other so well. Even having a positive divorce which won’t affect bad on the kids.
Are you sure about this couple is an example to follow? 😮
@@haiironotategami May I know what's your argument about this? :)
@@psukwanto The husband is willfully oblivious to everything of her needs. While solely thinking of himself while claiming to care about her. But it honestly shows his lack of awareness outside of his own mind. Meanwhile she really was just excepting of how he was while also breaking herself down due to it and remained with that for years. For some societal reasons. When they could have still been co parents and separated peacefully without the need to get into another relationship while married for those needs. A clean break would have been better sooner vs decades later. They never were fully compatible from the start and this could have been known in months of dating instead of marrying a stranger basically after 3 months.
Maybe this man at some point in his early life, had a traumatic event regarding s3x.
Something happened that made his unconscious mind associate: S3x = Not good
His issue was not s3xual pleasure (because he said he m4sturbated), the issue was the s3xual relationship with a partner (he even said it himself: "It feels EMBARASSING to have sex with her")
The wife was never the problem. This issue would have presented with ANY partner.
He was not the problem either. The problem is the traumatic event the man went throught.
The solution is therapy: Not "couple therapy", but individual one, looking for the traumatic event and how to overcome it.
I guess people don't like reading big comments, otherwise you'd definitely have much more upvotes.
I agree that he needs individual counseling to uncover why he has this major mental block in this area.
This also might not be the case. I tend to not really initiate sex that often in relationships, because it's more or less just an embarrassing itch that needs scratching every now and then. You wouldn't scratch the inside of your nostril in front of others, right? It's kind of the same thing. It's certainly much easier to have sex outside of a relationship where I never have to concern myself with how either of us feel toward one another or what image we have of one another. We're just two strangers, scratching an annoying itch for each other and going our separate ways afterward without any worry of how it will affect us in the future. With a relationship, there are impending consequences for everything, whether it be something you're doing or something you're not doing. 🤷♂️
Being vulnerable in front of someone is tremendously difficult and overcoming it requires a lot of effort and as you said therapy most probably to uncover what's the root cause of it. // Edit for language.
I also think that part of the issue is being overworked, as he said he felt too tired and stressed after work
Kudos to them for not covering or blurring their faces. You have actually helped a lot of Japanese couples out there! Great content too! Keep it up!
Amazing level of honesty with no holding back. Bearing their personal life out in the open without ego.
I couldn't help noticing how their body language revealed the distance between them. They always put up barriers. He held his plastic water bottle in the hand closest to her, or she slung her yellow shoulder bag on the side closest to him. If they really felt affection and wanted to touch each other, they would have!
What good observation skill! The woman is smiling but her words are sad.
I just want to contribute a thought. I've lived in Japan for a few years now and almost all couples do not show physical affection publicly. They can be a very happy, close couple and they sit apart, they generally don't hold hands etc. It is frowned upon and people just don't do it. I do occasionally see hand holding but very rarely compared to western couples. When I slip up and hug my husband in public it is so embarrassing to him, even though he doesn't show it... so I really make the effort not to. The Japanese are very opposite western people, trying to judge by looking is very hard. This couple is not happy... but I've known happy couples who showed no affection in front of others, because it's normal here.
Well they are already divorced at this interview...so its natural to be distant, so it will show in their body language
Good profiling.
they're not together
Bitter sweet and very complex issue...I wish both of them happiness! Thank you as always for touching such interesting topics!
Oh my God. You often hear about sexless marriage as men's problem. Yet I'm a woman and I experienced kind of what she went through. Being pretty much ignored by a Japanese man who claimed to love me, him being too tired to sleep with me. 2 or 3 times a week she said was already not enough. I felt like I had to beg to even get sex once a week. It took maybe half year when I realized he had porn addiction. It wasn't even that hardcore like watching lots of porn all the time. Actually his addiction was weird and even more hurtful for me. He had crush on often very specific women, collecting everything he found about them. When I was waiting for him in bed, he would lay on the sofa browsing their pictures. We never had sex unless I initiated it and so I did because I loved him and had my needs too. It wasn't sexless but it was this very weird power dynamic which made me feel unattractive, unwanted and strange for wanting to have sex more than once a month. It made me depressed, obsessed with body image, I had nightmares about him with other women. And now, understand, I was younger than him, very attractive, I have a model body and pretty face. I never imagined feeling like that in that relationship. It was his problem with his head, not with me. I was trying to battle his porn habit for 3 years. Then at some point, I got exhausted. I fell out of love. You can only get hurt so much.
So sorry you had this experience! But I just have to add that i find it infuriating that this husband could masturbate regularly and in your case watch porn regularly but cannot be with their actual partner. Its bizarre to me.
I’ll do ya… lol
Maybe he had misteress?
He might be getting his sex somewhere else!! ?? Not sure how old you are and how much you crave a healthy relationship, but a divorce can be an option. Life is short, you don’t want to waste your time to live
@@recuerdos2457 From his hand 😏
This is so extremely sad. My initial reaction is that the man not wanting to have relations with his wife is a symptom of a deeper problem. He looks completely depressed to me. He smiles and nods but I feel he is devastated about his wife having a boyfriend. The guy needs therapy. I don't believe for one minute that any kind of arrangement like that could last. The husband is going along with it and rationalizing the situation. It was probably a healthier decision to divorce in the end. Hope they're both in a better place now.....
They did divorce if you saw the end of the vid
Based on his story, he heard his bosses talking about not wanting to sleep with their wives anymore. And that influenced his thinking. I guess he was brainwashed by his bosses so that he will just dedicate himself to his work and do overtime than go home to his wife.
Idk, I more so got the vibe that he is just asexual. Asexuality is a spectrum, but generally for them forcing yourself to sleep with someone is really hard, even if you are comfortable self pleasuring like he said
@@00droo00 Maybe, still really sad situation though.
@@00droo00 Just because you don't want to have sex with a person doesn't mean you're asexual, even if he/she is your partner. You are simply not physically attracted to that person enough, perhaps you did not choose him/her for sex, maybe sex is not that important in a relationship for you, among other factors.
If your partner doesn't agree on that, it means you weren't compatible in that regard. This is called sexual incompatibility.
Nobita is such a gifted interviewer. Reaching the subjects and allowing them to open up and share their lives without fear is something that's so rare to see. Really great job as always.
This is just so sad. In my opinion, these two married too fast out of social pressure and conventions without taking the time to deeply vet whether they were compatible long term in the first place. Even without having sex before marriage (if that's your conviction), you can have a conversation about your expectations with your partner to see if your wishes allign with theirs regarding a lot of topics. I feel as though so many people rush into marriages and then make their life miserable because they could not discuss basic ideas with each other initially.
I'm sure their children grow up seeing their frustrations and it affects them.
@@Flamester7TV A couple can be full of romantic love, while at the same time be incompatible. Not only in case of physical intimacy. But some personality traits, general views (on life), future plans etc. A broken up couple can say that they loved eachother, maybe even still love eachother, and enjoyed eachother's company, but that they just couldn't be together long term. Someone would have to suppress their needs or goals which would very likely lead to regret and resentment in the future.
Social pressure convention? They explained why they married. Nothing to do with that.
Yeah, they were only together for 3 months?
@@Flamester7TV Yep she needed to have sex. Atta girl!
People sometimes marry very slowly and run into the same problem. Marriages have problems. Lucky few who don't.
1. Smile more.
2. Frequently amuse each other with light conversations and laughter.
3. Touch each other around the shoulder and elbow when speaking.
4. Tell each other how good they look and give lots of praise.
5. Hold hands when walking side-by-side.
6. Hug your husband when he leaves for work and returns.
7. Don't think about the outcome. Create moments.
Good luck❤
This interview was beyond jaw-dropping! I spent the whole time wondering what was even the point of them getting married in the first place. I can understand the intimacy fading away in the marriage after years, but it seems like he got married to her with the intention of giving little to no physical intimacy from the jump. She pretty much passed up on several 'candidates' to sign up for this mess. WTF?! If s3x was something that was so important to her, and something that he was so firmly against, how else did they expect this to end??
The fact that this is common in many Japanese marriages, including young couples, is troubling. I feel it most for the children that are a product of these situations.
and not only that but go on to perpetuate the cycle of sexlessness in future generations. It's eye opening.
It comes as a shock to me too.
I don’t know if its cultural or personal but for me intimacy is vital to a marriage. I can’t imagine otherwise.
Sex isn't always common before mariage. They had different perception on it and obviously didn't get it that well before mariage.
@@Amysalol Considering how important sex is, it NEEDS to be common before marriage. I don't care what religion you subscribe to, a difference in libidos is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster, resentment and ultimately divorce or cheating.
@@Amysalol I agree and I think they needed to spend more time unmarried to learn more about each other
I hope he went or will someday go to therapy. Being emberassed of your arousal to the point that you won't sleep with your wife sounds like a deep insecurity that could be worked on. Obviously there's the work, too; it sounds like he works an unhealthy amount if he's constantly this tired.
My best wishes to both of them. They were very interesting to listen to.
That is how I felt too. Communication was a huge issue until they confessed, which by that point was way too late. He could have gotten professional help to see if he could fix that embarrassment and satisfy his wife's desires, but he just accepted it and went with this bittersweet solution that doesn't help his issues and messes with the integrity of their relationship.
I feel this is rooted down to how Japanese society functions where it is hard to express your true feelings and don't want to be a bother to other people. This is why we are seeing so many cases of messed up marriages and cheating because the lack of communication is so bad. Also doesn't help that the work culture is horrible and you may never see your wife (not an excuse to talk about the issue though.)
@@mahohiyajo1446 Not just in japan but in the states too, my neighbors are prime examples of that mindset.
@@GODCONVOYPRIME Ya, it can happen anywhere. I just think the reason why it is more common in Japan (along with birthrates being so low) is because of how their society functions.
@@mahohiyajo1446 I didnt want to mention it in my original comment because I don't want to psychoanalyze these people over the internet too much, but I do have a feeling that japanese culture, the work culture in particular, has played a big part in this, and in many other such cases.
@@Awrukczek I gotchu, it's just a generalization I brought up since it does apply to some couples. I don't know their lives though so my reflection doesn't mean much in the end. I do like to think about it from my perspective though since I'm in a healthy relationship and communication is the most important thing to me.
This is awesome the way the couple talks to and about their relationship and eachother. There is love there, respect, trust, honesty and understanding. Divorce isn't a failure here, it's not a period. It's a semicolon on their life together. Very good video!
Divorce of this nature is very much failure. They gave up despite having a good relationship. It’s devastating to children involved. Even when it’s “amicable”. The husband failed to please his wife and the wife failed to help her husband see there was no pressure. It’s truly sad.
Of course it's a failure! He never should have married her in the first place. If I married a man and he told me later he had these issues, I would have beaten him half to death lol. Why waste my precious time and emotions???!!!!
Is v sad things just change aft the kid is out.
I don't think there ever was romantic love in this relationship. The husband may think he loved the wife, but he has some kind of emotional block where he cannot be vulnerable and open to another human being. It isn't that he didn't want to have sex with her, he didn't want to get close to her because emotional intimacy was scary. And not being close to her, having sex was embarrassing because it was like sleeping with a stranger or a roommate.
That's why they are able to talk so openly. The wife is obviously an open person. And though the man cares for her, he was never emotionally invested in her so he can talk about their problem almost like a doctor would about a patient. If there had been a deep connection between them, this conversation could never have been. That's the price of emotional attachment. We can get hurt.
You can just tell when they walk together that he doesn't think about her. He walks ahead. She has to quicken her steps. There is too much physical distance between them.
I guess this marriage was never going to work out. I think this man will always live a unfulfilled, but safe, life devoid of deep love. Maybe that's the polite stoic Japanese way -- dignified but quietly sad.
This has to be one of your best videos to date Nobita
I'm blown away by the quality of this interview - it feels genuine and full of wisdom. Thank you to this couple and to you Nobita,
My Japanese wife in 14 years of marriage has never asked for nor physically initiated sex. Sometimes the Dominant runs out of aggression. Both people here submissive. Neither one wants to get it started. It seems to be common in Japan. Males are passive not aggressive and females are shy like being cute but not sexy.
You nailed it. As a race, Japanese probably have lower testosterone than most, which makes their males more likely to have this problem
Damn this is so sad and it's even sadder that many more couples are suffering from this. A lack of communication seemed to be the main problem in the early days but at least know they've both found a way to love each other again even if they won't be married. Well done for creating such a good video on such an important topic.
I consider this interview so profound. I really apreciate the openness of this couple to all the viewers. Thanks for sharing.
What an incredibly honest and deeply personal issue. Thank you to the couple for sharing their story and thank you for making this video and uploading it. For sure it will help other couples going through this. I certainly found it informative.
Thanks
Wow!!! This was an amazing topic and interview.
Truly respect their full transparency on the topic and how they found what works best for them and their relationship/family.
I heard of similar situations from some of my Japanese friends. In many of these cases, they got married quite quickly, like the couple in the video. Maybe it was out of an image that they had to be married or have children before a certain age, at least they sometimes mentioned something like this before they found their spouse.
And then, the next best option who was willing to be their partner was the one they decided to marry within less than a year or even only a few months. Sometimes, it was mostly physical attraction, like finding them "cute" (but not really matching character, needs, values and interests) or, the other way around, not much physical attraction, but they both shared the wish to marry someone as quickly as possible. After the first few months or year of being married, then suddenly came the big surprise, of how many of their character traits and needs were actually incompatible. Or the realization, that at least a bit of physical attraction above friendship level was indeed more important to them than they had before expected. All of this they could have easily found out naturally by dating longer... But the wish to fit expectations of society probably was stronger?
Plus, the culture of overtime at work, even though also a reason in itself, makes it easy for a partner to make excuses to avoid physical intimacy, while hiding the underlying, real reasons. This might make communication about the issue harder and lead to frustration and resignation of the partner who would like to address the issue, if one of them makes the effort.
Of course, there can be other reasons too, like for example, a lacking communication skill, a low ability to express emotions or the inability to allow a real emotional bond to form with your partner. Some of this might be amplified by certain norms and values of Japanese society, but this doesn't mean that it doesn't happen (maybe to a lesser amount?) in other countries/societies as well.
He has intimacy issues and he also watches port. Bad combination.
That is the main issue Japanese have; lack of communication, no balls to say what's on your mind without worrying about offending and also caring too much on how you say things. It's not normal even if it's a cultural thing. It is why social issues are high. Drop all that cultural nonsense and talk to people or nothing gets better.
I love how gracefully this particular couple decided to split. I know maybe behind the scenes it wasn't so great, but it just makes me admire them that much more. It's hard to talk openly about something like this, but it does help a lot of people to share a story like this. You should feel loved and wanted in a relationship you deserve that.
This is an extremely painful story. I share the exact sentiment of her new boyfriend, "How can such lovely women have men that can't fulfill their wishes?" Cases like this are not unimaginable, yet when I am shown the intimate details such as a case like this, I can't help but feel pity and shameful for the husband. I'm glad the wife is saying she's doing better. I could never be in such a situation.
I am at a complete loss as to how he could not want to be with his wife intimately and how he is embarrassed of intimacy like in a marriage you should be sexually free and in a safe space and he doesn’t know how to it pretty sad. Unconventional solution but if it works carry on i suppose. Personally i would not want to remain married to a man who does not want me sexually whether i was permitted to have a bf or not.
By the looks of him, he’s not healthy. So it makes sense, well it can happen to you. If you die early or get sick. Marriage is more than sex, and you can’t sustain that kind of testosterone forever. You get old and die!
@@AmberUsame. That sounded like torture.
Honestly this is so sad. I wonder if porn had a part to play in the husband's issue? Because it seems he still has a healthy libido, just that he is embarrassed to be aroused in front of his wife which is strange. I wished Nobita had explored the root cause of his embarrassment in more detail.
He said he continued to masturbate to satisfy his libido, but that doesn't necessarily mean porn was the issue since it wasn't mentioned. Masturbation is a very personal act that puts the focus solely on pleasuring yourself without any expectations or performance. From what this man said is that he felt embarrassed and obligated during sex to pleasure his wife. Sex should be mutual, both partners seeking to pleasure themselves and the other. He may have been feeling insecure about his performance in bed and his ability please his wife, and found it easier to avoid that and pleasure himself alone. Ideally you should feel comfortable and secure in your marriage and not be worried or embarrassed about performance in the bedroom
@@steveiguana6887 Aye, agreed. He did mention he felt it was his 'duty' to please his wife in bed and was not confident in his ability to do that. How porn might come into the picture is because if one is constantly aroused by something unrealistic (porn or hentai), it becomes increasingly difficult to 'perform' with a real partner because real partners are not arousing enough anymore. And if he can't 'get it up' with his wife, naturally he won't be able to please her. Issues like erectile dysfunction, anxiety over not being able to perform like a porn star, etc might become issues.
@@thequaintguardian
... or perhaps hidden attraction to other man? No one mentioned that possibility. Or maybe the "door swings both ways." Cheers.
@@ivannovotny4552 😅 Oh yeah! Highly possible eh..
@@steveiguana6887
All great points, perhaps a consultation with professional licenced sex-therapist could be a option and something to consider.
This certainly is one of the best video in the channel. Well done, and congrats to the couple from being so conscious of their struggles and for sharing it. It surely will help people.
This is very common in Japan. I have experienced it, too. Once I went through menopause, it became easier. There were also hormonal issues for my hub, but he lost interest in sex early on in our marriage -- it was tough, but he was the best partner for me in every other aspect of our marriage, so I stayed.
I’m happy that they were able to be mature effectively communicate and have a positive breakup/divorce and their children didn’t have to watch mom and dad tear each other apart. Unfortunately I witnessed the non-civil approach divorce of my parents and I still struggle with some problems with relationships. I admire that they were confident about speaking about it on camera. Nobita being a fantastic interviewer, creating another fantastic video!
There are a lot things pop up in my head after watching this video.
1. Is he probably homosexual?
2. Is he impotent or having any health problem?
3. Does he have traumatic on sex?
4. Does he have affair with more attractive girl/woman?
Bcs biologically, men need more sex than woman. I feel sad for the wife, she must be very painful, unwanted, unattractive, unlove, worries and unhappy 😭 glad to know them divorce, because being dumped by the husband that we really love is other level of pain.
And this, my friends, is how actually matured people handle issues relationship. I wish this kind of pragmatic open mindedness and willingness to communicate was a lot more common, not just in relationships but regarding any problematic situation. My heartfelt respect goes to these two and I wish them (and the boyfriend) the best.
Thank you for making this video and keep up the great work, Nobita.
If this was how actually matured people handle issues relationship, he never would have married her.
Having a bf while in marriage would give children a bad influence, it might affect them finding a healthy relationship when they grow up. These two should divorce even though if they still wanted to live with each other
@@recuerdos2457 They are divorced...
WOW! That takes a lot of courage to speak so openly and honestly about such a personal experience. Their honesty will surely help other couples in the same situation.
Seems like it they're just staying in the marriage out of duty , and to me, it seems they have fallen or weren't in love with each other. Especially by how he describes her in the beginning and how she describes him as well since they use past tense phrasing.
they do have 2 kids, so staying because of them makes sense.
But they divorced anyway
Great content - the interview was well done…. And it made my eyes watery. Thanks for bringing this topic in a video thumbs up !
This is a beautiful interview. Thank you for helping these two share their journey.
If it embarrasses him..he needs specific counseling about THAT issue. Especially if he is more then happy to deny being with her to "self satisfy" himself".
I’m pretty shocked by how honest they were about it. And how devastating the lack of sex was to the woman. Usually most people would think the opposite. At least I would
I’ve experienced something similar too, it truly does make you feel unattractive and quite worthless to be honest
It is devastating esp being raised to feel that a man's desire for you makes you worth something. If a man esp your man that you previously attracted doesn't want you anymore, well society has told us a lot that it means we've lost all value as a woman.
This is why communicating and laying out what y’all want in a marriage partner and comprehending if both of your views align with each other is very important before deciding to get married with someone. It is a lifetime commitment.
It's not easy to put your business out there like that. I wish em both well.
They are a very brave couple. I hope everything goes well for them. Thank you for this wonderful interview nobita.
i sooo love this couple... their honesty and openness is just amazing.... love the reporting nobita-san.
This couple is amazing, they touched something so sensitive and were so open about it. This could happen to anyone at some point, life takes things away sometimes and we need to adjust to continue with our lives. Great content Nobita this video was especially touching.
This was very insightful I really enjoyed watching this video
Nice interview
I am blown away by the way they talked openly about this issue. The key is being honest and communication
This is very insightful and interesting. I think it's great how maturely they handled this problem as a couple. Love your videos!
I have no words. You have outdone yourself. This video by far is the most honest, mature and realistic interview I have ever seen. Kudos to your efforts. But more importantly, lots of respect to the former couple to bare their story. Even more so the ex-husband. Both were incredible but I commend the courage and boldness of the husband to just sit there and say that he agreed to let her wife find a boyfriend and he was happy for her. In the end, hope both of them live happily in their lives.
Personally, I didn't think the ex-wife would give so much importance to have frequent sex rather than their feelings for each other and how they're together as a couple. But one thing I have learnt in life is not judge since you're not in their shoes and you don't know how they feel.
Thank you both for sharing!!
When the husband said he cannot have sex with his wife anymore, it was clear that the marriage was over. I think the husband was influenced by coworkers or other social media which made him that way. What this video thought me is society or media can influence you, even if by little bit, over many years it can bring you to a point where you lose your physical attraction to your wife. I will remember this, and cherish the feelings I have for my wife.
That's one theory. A lot of couples don't have sex after many years of relationship/marriage.
Maybe the whole relationship thing is outdated nowadays because people don't depend on each other anymore.
200 years ago life was hard and being married meant to survive together. Nowadays man and women can care for themselves, they don't need each other anymore. This comfortable independence pretty much killed one of the main purposes of a relationship.
Or he was just asexual...
@@smallego8068 not if you have kids. Couples really need each other for raising children. It would straight up not be possible for me to raise my kids without my wife and my current job.
I find the Japanese very straightforward when they're not trying to be evasive.
This video was really good. I'm glad that they were able to solve their issue after their experience. Seemed that they learned a lot from it.
Amazing interview. I don't know how you find such persons and also to share so intimate details. Love this channel
3 main issues I see contributed to this issue ,
1 overwork culture causing widespread exhaustion to men so much that they are too exhausted to be a husband when they get home
2 the much downplayed but extremely damaging issue of masturbation disrupting the real purpose of arousal that’s supposed to be satisfied by your spouse to connect and create a bond together not by yourself ( this also fuels and perpetuates shame and embarrassment)
3 a culture of extreme shyness when it comes to intimacy so much that it causes this extreme embarrassment( or perhaps like some are saying that he may have some kind of trauma as well as getting married too soon without getting to know your partner personally enough)
1) Porn 2) porn 3) porn = masturbation and easy dissociation from real life partners . Why bother putting effort into a relationship when it’s much easier to watch p & masturb ?
. Long before porn became so readily and easily avail in the west it was always a part of J society . Comic books on public transport were widely read, accepted & tolerated by women .
Ask any brothel owners in the West (going back decades ) and they all say J businessmen are by far & away their biggest clients .
One only needs to look at how quickly Viaga was legalised in Japan compared to the decades long debate surrounding contraception . Hypocrisy, double standards & ]women tolerating the entrenched second class citizen role they occupy . His comment ab the kitchen spoke volume
@@equatorialjourney4478 so very true porn destroys lives and especially destroys relationships .So sad that it is so common and widely accepted.
@@equatorialjourney4478 Porn in Japanese is huge and a big reason there are less marriages and more sexless couples. The husband admits he prefers to masturbate than having sex for his wife. He must watch Porn to masturbate and many of the stories are about sexless couples showing the wives having their sexual needs fulfilled by someone other than their husbands. This probably help caused him mentally transfer those images and stories from the porn stories into his relationship with his wife in real life. Sad but is what Porn do to ones relationship and life.
I really enjoyed this interview, as well as the courage and willingness of the couple to share their story. I think the issue itself isn't a cultural one, but the way it's handled can be. I hope they are both living very happy and fulfilling lives now, and that their children are flourishing as well. Great video Nobita!
I encourage anyone to watch to the end, it's an astonishing interview. They shine with integrity and honesty.
Wow! This was very insightful and interesting!
I know how she felt and I'm glad that they were mature and faced the issues...it's definitely not easy being so open and honest, especially with your partner and also in public...
Talk about a twist at the end! Great interview! This just proves not everyone needs to fit into a cookie cutter lifestyle when it comes to intimacy, and I'm glad things are working out for them.
Porn is destroying men and this is the perfect example. He can get the same Dopamine rush with much less effort from Porn. Sad.
This is such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing ❤
I love their honestly. It’s very difficult to talk about these things.
Wishing them both every happiness❤
I'm really grateful to you Nobita san for bringing up this issue. Hats off to the couple who shared their personal life on a social platform it takes guts . People should open up more to themselves otherwise any relationship becomes troublesome
I like that all the messages on here are so respectful and supportive and all that. But sometimes I think being honest is better. And I don't think the man was being "honest". He put the blame on his wife, when he said I was worried about satisfying her. But if he truly wanted to satisfy her, he could touch her more. Their issue was more than just sex. She said there was no touching or hugging either. She was more than fair to him. His behavior, I would call it emotionally abusive. When a family member asks for a hug, and you don't respond, or put them down, or complain about them, that's imho abusive behavior. I'm not going to go into what causes it (lots of possibilities - abuse, trauma, pron addiction, immaturity, etc). But it's really sad for the woman. I hope she's happy with her new partner.
hold on, this isn't 2023 progressive left thinking in japan its a very conservative thinking society its not abuse that is normal type of relationship issues that happen and remember either or can choose to change.
@@jazzmanny02 absolutely. Japan has tremendous amount of emotional and physical abuse. Lot of times towards women, lot of times towards men. That is what's given rise to the phenomenon of "evaporated" people.
Please, just don't denigrate Left ideas by mixing them with modern LGBT hype. Real Left ideas are about the rights of WORKING people and nothing more!
@@jazzmanny02 Normal doesn’t mean good.
In the end, it is the norms like "Company's wellbeing is more important than your girlfriend or wife, therefore, I expect you to work overtime without me telling you so", legal love hotels and many other abnormal norms that are breaking the Japanese society apart. Unless the Japanese government has the courage to break those norms, whatever he plans to do to save the Japan's population is futile.
It might be that this man is asexual or something in that area. It needs to be discussed in society, maybe a lot of Japanese people are. And yes it needs to be discussed with your partner, that is only right, to avoid misery on both sides. It might also be that he has some trauma that generated his embarrassment and lack of enjoyment, in which case he would need therapy and counselling.
My wife and I, both Japanese, have contrasting sexual desires; she is predominantly asexual while I possess a significant appetite for sex. My wife seems to think that the denial side has the unilateral power in whether to have sex or not. I have communicated to her both verbally and through emails about my desires, proposing that the sexual side should also have some power.
At this point, I am unsure of what further discussions to have with her. Without empathy, the issue of intimacy becomes a zero-sum power struggle. Mutual empathy and compromise, as mentioned by the woman in the referenced video, are essential. In my opinion, my wife exhibits a lack of empathy. Despite my doing the vast majority of housework, she takes these efforts for granted and seems to think that everything is functioning "perfectly". I can't help but imagine that he, too, allows his wife to shoulder the burden of household chores while boasting about their perfect life.
One may wonder why the woman in the video or I continue to remain married despite these challenges. Different married couples in Japan, who may lack empathy and hold divergent views on crucial aspects of life, have their own unique reasons for not pursuing divorce. The process of divorce in Japan might necessitate a higher level of proactivity and mental fortitude than in Western countries. Many, including myself, may adopt an inertial approach, resigning ourselves to endure certain shortcomings in our relationships while finding joy in other aspects of life.
@@decidrophob however, if you don't have children together, and even if you do, you still could find happiness with a more suitable partner. Both of you in fact. Or even alone. Whatever decision, it's yours to make
They're so honest and open about their issue...good interview
Ohmen, i love your work, so nice.
There is less and less good journalist. Few decades ago, journalist have different idea, tried to found the truth behind everything but today, they are all agree each other and generaly with the politic guide line ...
So, continue like that, you will become a really good journalist ! :)
The love they have for each other is just beautiful. I would love to find someone I can care and who cares about me that deeply and wants to find a solution together.
I'm very grateful how open and transparent they were, without coming across reserved or afraid of judgement. It's an important lesson. They both are compassionate people and loved each other... unfortunately people have different needs, and some differences can be irreconcilable despite love. That's why it's important to put your needs & values first, before sex or the relationship itself. Many people keep it as an afterthought, try to compromise for years when they realize their needs are unmet, and then harbor resentment until there's no longer happiness in the relationship. Especially in the west, we have it totally backwards. People put initial attraction / sex first, and friendship & values as an afterthought. That's why divorce rates are so high. Great video.
Well done for getting people to be so open about their marriage and troubles, especially in this country.
First, I would like to thank the couple for sharing their story. There is an important lesson here that needs more attention. People need to understand their partners love language. Wakapyon never understood that Mika needed physical contact in order to feel loved. He thought spending time with her was enough(3:18). Mika clearly needs physical touch in order to feel loved. The moment Mika felt unwanted was when there was no physical contact(5:18). I understand Wakapyon has trouble performing with a partner(8:16); however, there are other ways to show physical intimacy. He could hold her hand, hug her, or kiss her to satisfy Mika's need for physical touch.
Yeah to be honest that could have worked. I dont know why he couldnt even do that. He has issues
This was such a good video to watch. such a amazing couple for the man to be so open and talk his feelings from his heart is so very honest. Incan imagine the wife was feeling neglected. Its sad she had to have a boyfriend but it has kept them together as best friends maybe soul mates. Such a charming couple thank you for sharing with us
Open communication is the key for any healthy relationship. Be direct, be objective and look for solutions right away. Living in truth isn't easy, however it's much more enjoyable than living a lie or delaying the inevitable.
WOW... Almost passed up this video. Did not know Nobita changed the name of the channel. I assumed he quit.
I'll start catching up on missed videos.
This video was an absolute Rollercoaster, Nobita. HOW DO I SUBSCRIBE TO YOU TWICE?!
He’s probably asexual and hasn’t found a way to express that without full on just ignoring the issue and hurting his wife at the time. He obviously cares for her but their needs for physical intimacy are soooo miss matched. I really hope she finds a way to heal she really suffered for a long time. It’s not just about the physical, its feeling wanted, feeling secure and feeling loved.
This is such an interesting video, thank you for making it. I don't really like Reddit as a platform but I used to browse r/deadbedrooms a lot out of curiosity, kind of rubbernecking couples who have this same sort of problem. So if you want a look into sexless relationships westerners have (limited to the sample pool of people on Reddit) it's a really interesting and sad place. I feel a little bad reading it as much as I did because I've never had this problem personally and just had an extended period of morbid curiosity about it. The same kinds of issues pop up over and over and they even have special terminology and shorthand (LL for low libido as in the partner who doesn't want sex, HL for high libido as in the partner who wants sex, etc). Men are just as likely as women to not want sex so it also dispels a lot of gender stereotypes. And a lot of people have the same issues of lack of communication and the high libido partner pressuring the low libido partner so much they lose interest in sex even further and so on. I wish divorce or open marriages or so on were more socially accepted because a lot of people are trapped in a legally binding partnership where they're miserable and grow to resent their partner. Anyway thank you for this video, it was very interesting!
Thanks for the video nobtia your awesome.
Nobita, I'm kind of interested in the follow up story of how it works for the man now that he's divorced. Has he been dating again afterwards or does he feel content being single and not have sex because he's working all the time? Or has he maybe even started working less, considering he has one less mouth to feed? Please ask him this. :)
Love your videos ♥
Seems like him getting together with a woman is a disservice to her. Unless he can find one of those with perpetual headache.
If he does date again, hopefully he lets them know up front to buy a very good vibrator because there will be NO sex lol.
@@lenayamamoto Who knows, maybe the chemistry between him and someone else turns out to 'breathe new life' in the bedroom? Sometimes in Life, change is good for us all.
no offense, but this guy doesn't seem like he has the confidence to pursue another woman. so i doubt it. however, the lady is prob still with the bf
..thank you for this new video, Nobita The Reporter..
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..I'm not in a relationship, but I find it very informative, maybe a big help before getting into it..
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..still this couple have a good relationship after all not to expect those issues in terms of marriage, family, divorce, cheat, or anything that affects one another side - they maybe one in a million that hard to find..
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..love, commitment, and communication are really must have..
Many things I can learn from this channel.
It have blown my mind 😳 I felt sick from my stomach and so deeply sad. I am grateful to this couple for sharing their stories. Now I need a good cry 😭
In my relationship, I'm the one who stop having to need to have sex. It's not that I don't like sex but it's deep within me. I feel like there's something missing in my own persona and having sex make it worst as I feel too much pressure. It started after our first child. And a lot happened before and after that, like in laws problems, our own attitude to each other, everything. I need space physically. All I need is someone to talk to on a deeper level. I need to rest. I know my partner is hurting , I broke up with him because I can no longer stand seeing him suffer forever and be miserable. He is highly sex and he won't understand me. I also suffer with all these unexpected things. I'm confuse and hurting that these can happen. Before that, we have no problem with sex, we have sex 2 times a day everyday when we are together. Maybe I enter the new dimension in my life now and realize different area of life and myself. I learned it's not uncommon. This happens to couples a lot than we imagine.
The woman in this video is not highly sex but only want to feel needed.
Our situation is really similar. I can really relate. The man no longer love him though he still care as a mother of his child and as a good woman.
These kind of relationship will end anyway. I feel sorry for children but it's no ones fault. Life's hard. -_-
Seek counselling and or professional help.
@@RedDevilStudio Counseling wont save it because I no longer want to save it. I don't have traumatic event happened to me. It's the present situation that caused it. For me, I didn't love him that deeply. It's lack of FOUNDATION in our relationship. We started of too fast too like the couple in the video. Aside from that, I don't know who I truly am and who I truly want and what to do and how to commit truly. It needs self assessment on a deeper level. And I decided to be single for a while and work on myself.
I think it's hormonal. Some women have much decreased drive after child birth, and it does affect the mental perception as well.
It seems like he’s either not heterosexual or he has some type of asexuality. He seems to truly love her, but was almost more interested in marrying a friend, having companionship, and maybe a family. Like he said after their child was born he was “hoping” to have sex less and less. As someone who is a lesbian and has given it a try (out of denial) with male friends, that aversion to sex seems oddly familiar.
That’s a sad story. I was listening and hoping they could have resolved their issues. Respect to the wife for not cheating. They should have gotten a divorce at the point of a her telling him she met someone. It is no longer a marriage at that point.
The time they stopped having sex was the time the marriage ended. Finally they have decided to make it official via divorce.
My ex is like this he had a lot of childhood trauma he cannot own his sexuality men like this had arrested development during childhood, their sexual pleasure is directed to themselves only instead of their spouse. They view their wife as their mother they long for and no one is sexually attracted to their own mom. Her husband looks passive aggressive and emotionally neglectful too. I think this marriage will go downhill
They're divorced.
Thank you for sharing this 🥲🥲🥲🥲
The feelings presented are so raw, takes a lot to talk about it like that.
All I can say is that divorce went well is because of communication and no deceiving (aka cheating). If any of these were broken down, they would hate each other and not without a reason to
Sex is great but there needs to be raw and natural desire for it. I feel that the distance Japanese people might be keeping between each other is quite detrimental to that visceral desire to have sex. When you approach your role in a couple with a sense of "duty" or "procedure" it makes it difficult to succumb to passion. Sex is much more unappealing when you "plan for it". Often you need to feel at ease with your partner, spend quality time with them (also often neglected) and then spontaneously just go for it.
I could very well be wrong but I feel that's just not something which the Japanese can accomplish easily. It's like there's always boundaries that prevents that sort of real skinship and excitement.
My casual knowledge says what you are saying applies perfectly well with many couples in Japan, but not so much with this video or myself. It is this husband himself that says dating and such are "perfect". I am pretty sure that this lady has done all she could to make things romantic, or at least remove stress factors functioning as obstacles towards sex. For instance, I am a Japanese man who does vast majority of household chores, such that there aren't things left to do after sex. My wife and I enjoy cycling as a common hobby. And yet she almost always refuses sex with me. I got fed up asking her, being rejected all the time and we became sexless.
My gosh, this was hurtful to watch. I'm very sure she only stayed with him cause they have 2 young kids.
He appears as if there is way more to the issue than the surface shows. Either some sort of trauma or problems he projects on his sexuality. Or perhaps he is asexual/gay and has not come to terms with it, yet. However, it must've been difficult to deal with, though it's very mean towards his wife. I feel so so sorry for her, most women need appreciation for their (sexual) femininity to feel confident in their identity. It's soul-crushing to be rejected like this.
Edit: I just watched the last 30 seconds and saw they divorced in the end. Kudos to them. It's okay to not fit, just don't make your partner stay and feel miserable (and make them feel like it's their fault!).
Nobita, what a sensitive and complicated issue, and you handled it professionally and honored the family. You're the best journalist in the world.
This was an amazing interview. Though this seems to be a cultural phenomenon stemming, in particular for overwork, I think for this particular couple that they may even have two different sexualities. Asexuality is real and a spectrum. There are asexual people that are 100% sexual repulsed and then their are others who may enjoy sexual acts like masturbating and voyeurism, but just prefer not to be touched by other people. If this guy could go his whole life without having sex anymore, he may very well be asexual. On the other hand, there may be men and women in Japan who would love to be intimate with their partner but have virtual zero sex drive due to the oppressive, grinding, capitalist work culture.
He sounds selfish and never really cared about her needs. And he knew that before marrying her. That's not fair. He talks about how good they are while being so oblivious to her unhappiness with him while being with her until she had to say it. It's a one sided relationship really with himself and his own mind more than anything. But allowing her to having an open relationship was surpring.
Maybe that's why being sexually attracted to your partner is very important, equal to how you interact. I just can't imagine my special one being piped by another guy. You can still see in her eyes the pain and remnants of it being there. The question about if it was the other way around is very interesting too.
In the end their relationship ended as it should have, before the unnatural arrangement was made, with their divorce.
It is nice they don't hate each.
This was a very informative video. I could see this was a difficult life lesson and I could relate to both sides of the issues discussed at hand. Have they decided on divorce or to stay together ?
I'm sad that they couldn't find a solution and ended up in a divorce. Amazing interview and courage from them to talk about a very intimate issue in public.
It was the best thing to do. They where actually hurting eachother