I have been following you for over a year now and love the fact that you have moved to Colorado. I also live in Colorado! When you mentioned about how men no longer open doors for women, I would have to agree. There are exceptions, however, because my husband always opens my door and is a true gentleman through and through. I love that about him. He once opened a door for a woman and she turned to him and said, "You don't have to open the door because I'm a woman. I can do it myself." He smiled back at her and said, "I'm not opening the door because you are a woman. I'm opening the door because I am a gentleman." Perfect!
@@americanrussianlife I live in the south, so here its extremely common and seen rude if you dont. The other thing is though if you do go though you do have to say thank you. I dont like talking to people so when someone opens the door for me I *have* to respond. If I dont people get weirdly aggressive about it especially if you're a woman
As an Egyptian, I haven't really met Americans in real life; I've met some Slavs in Sharm El-Sheikh in Egypt. They seem to be really really romantic, probably cause it's their honeymoon or vacation. On the Internet I've talked with Russians and Americans through Discord and online games. Most Americans I've talked to, they seem to be arrogant and weird, unlike Russians. Russians are really cool on the internet.
Men were once taught basic courtesies to extend to a woman, back before 1965. After that, things changed (feminism, equal rights), and men began giving up. They couldn't do anything right in the eyes of modern women. As a woman in my early 60s, I appreciate the rare kindness extended by men! I also taught my sons to be courteous.
Hello Daria I love culture comparison! I have not travelled to Russia or America - I am Scottish - recently started your Russian course and have been very recently sort of captivated by all things Russian. However, through the internet, podcasting, group activity online communities really, I could gain a certain level of insight into American culture, men, mindset etc. Oddly enough, through comparing the US with what I am used to here in Scotland or more generally the UK it actually allowed me to understand aspects of my own culture in deeper way than I ever had before. I like this channel very much! Your US/Rus comparisons are so interesting!!!!
I think the definition of romantic may be different, because I would feel uncomfortable if someone put a coat on my shoulders or moved my chair for me. I just don't read it as "romantic." Once, I was studying on the patio of a Starbucks even after it closed for the night, and chatting with my boyfriend on the phone. I told him how nice the breezes felt, and how much I liked that the coffeeshop music was still playing as I studied on the patio alone. Pretty soon, I saw his car pull up, which was such a surprise because he hadn't said that he was coming, and pretty soon we were dancing on the breezy patio surrounded by a deserted parking lot, and it was soooo romantic. I once had a boyfriend who snuck into my apartment while I was in class shortly after I'd moved in (of course, he knew he was always welcome to be there; I just hadn't gotten him a key yet), cleaned everything for me, and set up a little carpet picnic with candles. He was sitting on the picnic blanket waiting for me when I came in the door. I have gotten random little notes, and all kinds of small romantic gestures, so I don't know if American men are "less" romantic, or just differently romantic. Also, I see some comments mentioning men opening doors for women. To me, whoever gets there first holds it open for whoever comes after; that way, we all get to be gallant by offering, and gracious by accepting.
@@laurag8126 anyone, man or woman, should have helped you if they could, and should have done so equally if you had been a man (it's a myth that all men are strong and all women are weak). To me, it's about the situation, not the gender, and I'm sorry people have been inconsiderate.
To be honest, the way you described the American man, can mostly be also applied for modern western man in general. In Europe for instance, the way you described the Russian man, is viewed as something highly conservative, from like the 50's. Flowers are only considered for events like birthdays or valentine days, but not every two weeks. There are also indeed women that view holding a door or helping them put on a coat, as a sign of "he thinks I can't do this on my own". This of course varys from woman to woman, and how much feminism has influenced this is debatable, but I can't deny that I did have encounters with such women.
Wrong. Turn off the tv and go meet the American women you ignore and friend zone. Anytime I hear you American men make such a broad generalizations that always makes me laugh because you are so wrong about us.
Yes, the women of an earlier era, born before 1940, were delighted to have the door opened for them, Younger women would worry about a strange man "coming on" to them, in other words, opening the door for them might be considered undesired personal attention.
Americans being unromantic is true. I am a very unromantic man and also American men blaming American women for this problem is also true. I do believe American women of today’s times are part of the reason for American men’s sexual frustration.
I am 62. I was raised to treat my woman like I do my mother. So I hold chairs, I close car doors, I help her with her coat. I do think the newer generation of men are not taught this way. On my second date with a wonderful woman in Moscow, I bought her roses. She was very touched. I can't talk her into coming here but she told me she does not like Russian men.
I always open the door for ladies and often bring them flowers sometimes even carry there purse or bag, but no I have never helped a girl put on her coat, I have given her my coat if she is cold but assisting them to put it on is truly something I have never considered... Love your channel and really appreciate what you do!
never carry a lady's purse 👛 or bags. But help carrying other bags, such as grocery store bags, suitcases or boxes. Carrying woman's purse means she is running your life. As a male you should be in charge of your relationship. Don't be her doormat.
I live in UK and I’m British but my boyfriend is Russian- I agree there is a huge difference between the romance of men from different cultures. My Russian boyfriend will always help me with my coat and carry my bags! He considers it an insult if I don’t let him! British guys don’t do this so often at all. However British guys are more likely to say “I love you” often, whereas in Russia I’ve found it happens I little less
Not all American aren't romantic. I am very much so. At one time here men taught their sons to respect women and be chivalrous. We have a huge problem here because Fathers are not teaching their sons how to be men. I see many young boys being rude to their female friends or girlfriends or even their wives in public and so you know it's even worse at home. I have heard from Russian women who live there tell me men are sometimes rude to them and are very possessive. More than 2 or 3 have told me that. Ps. When did you get married again?😊
The quality of men here has really declined; the men (and some women) are very arrogant because they don't speak multiple languages and don't know much about the world, and they tend to blame their shortcomings and take their desperate insecurity out on women.
I am a Frenchman who lives in France.I am learning the Russian language. A few years ago, with French students learning the Russian language with me, we talked about Russian men who used to open the car door for Russian women or sometimes take the women's handbag. French women didn't like it and even found it ridiculous.
Daria, Appreciate your observations regarding the dating climate between Russian and American men! Despite some small differences, I can personally say that Russian and American women can appreciate small gestures and acts that really illustrate affection and interests (flowers, offering to pay, assurance, etc). Many might disagree with this claim, but I would say social media and the current internet generation has definitely changed the standards and nature of dating! Mainly with communication! I don’t know the social media climate and it’s effects in Russia! But dating and relationships are a lot different now than the old generation! Awesome video 👍
Hello Darya, I have always enjoyed watching your videos for years. And this channel is a great idea. So glad you talk about couples sharing expectations and boundaries, which is so important to avoid problems. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I look forward to watching your next video.
Romance is doting on my partner. When she comes home from work to massage her feet, have the house clean on my days off, and cook a nice meal for her at the end of her work day. Etc. It's the little things that matter.
Wow! You are the first Russian women in internet who speaks well of American men & not hating of feminism! Which is great! I feel like western men in general are more emotional mature than eastern men & they can be REAL partners. I am Egyptian btw.
Привет۔۔ I will speak fo myself on this. I was raised to always be respectful to all women and my elders. I still pull the chair out for Rauza and if no chair ,but a bench seat she is seated first. I open car door for her. Wherever we go I always open doors for her. Some people called it old fashioned. I call it being a gentleman. As far as Russian men. Don't want to create waves, but my stepson (he's Russian), 29, married and their first child is 8 months. He is very responsible husband and father , but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I do agree with you that all my travels and time spent in Russia, I see more moms with their children, but on weekends it's the whole family together. Welcome to America Daria. Пока
If a man does not know a woman, he may not help her with a bag or a coat because so many men have been accused of violating feminist pretenses. However, I suspect that if you lived in places where tradition still matters (Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, etc.), you will find men acting romantically. While Colorado is not crazy California, there are more "liberal" men who view women differently than more traditional states mentioned above.
My husband (English) was a gentleman. He worked in an environment which included many women. Even twenty five years ago he spoke of being rebuffed when he held doors open or offered to carry something for some of his female colleagues. Maybe in those days women were over protective of their equality. I hope we can be more appreciative of good manners now. Actually, I would like to think I’d show similar courtesies toward a man now. Good manners and kind gestures from both sexes are the way to true equality.
I married a Russian man and he is not romantic. He never buys flowers for special days or any day. He doesn't hug or open doors. I find American men are more romantic and engaged in family life.
Every video about Russia Vs. America of yours I watch I grow to love Russia more. Like I wish can't wait till I'm fluent in Russian and have enough trade skill to visit/possibly move there.
I like your point about the flexibility of North American men (I'm writing from Canada)- and have observed the same thing. I like how Russian men are more "definitive" and single-minded about their aspirations, but ultimately this can make people more concerned about goals rather than the process - and flexibility is what helps us grow in the long-term.
Interesting! Never in my dating history (or in general) has anyone ever helped me put on a coat. To my knowledge, that kind of romantic gesture is something lost to history in the US.
Also one thing I learned is that Russians take their time having sex with someone new as opposed to American men who expect it on the first date, especially if he paid for the date. American relationships are based on sex, money, and bragging to friends. I like relationships over here because unless the guy is Americanized, he cares more about whats between your ears than whats between your legs.
I think communication is a lot for different romantic acts flowers being the prime example. I would send flowers to a girl I adored in New York and my female coworker/friend would always say that she wished her husband would send her flowers. I mentioned it to him and he had no idea but sent her flowers within a day of me mentioning it🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I just like taking care of people when I can, starting with my partner, though I’m not going out of my way to be romantic. The things you describe are considered traditional by many. I personally feel they are nice if they aren’t obligatory. When they are expected of my, I’m less likely to do them but if she just expresses that she likes these things I will go out of my way to do them.
@@americanrussianlife Right? The best relationships are the ones where people can be really honest about how they feel and what they want😀 Nice channel btw, I'm rooting for you
I think feminism does in fact play a large part in terms of affecting the behaviour of American men. Remember, it takes two to tango and if women behave a certain way, men will react to that. In the Anglosphere women are told they are the equal of men, which means they can do anything a man can do. This has the effect of instilling in many women that to be seen of value they must ape men, be that in careers or in leadership behaviour. The result is masculine type behaviours of women and resulting, effeminate men. I enjoyed my time as a man living in Russia as I felt I could exhibit traditional masculine behaviour which the women there respected and adored. Not so in my own country as its often frowned upon and disapproved.
i am american man, and just my personal experience, the girls like things like flowers, but they do not want me to open their door or hold their bags or things like that, especially in public
I am married to a British man. And he does give me flowers occasionally. But every time I am surprised because I don't expect them. The opening of doors - I don't expect either but holding the door is just polite for all genders, which in Russia people don't always do. I think the younger generation of Russian men do spend time with their children. But I haven't lived in Russia for a long time. At least here, they do.
UPD Answering some comments:)) 1. About feminism I meant that A LOT of men use it as an excuse not to do some things that the woman WANTS them to do. Comes from personal experience, I heard it many times from my friends, etc. But feminism is definitely not about if a man should pay for coffee or not today (if you have time, look up some comments under feminism articles in Russia and the US :D) 2. About romance - remember I said there was a disclaimer:) that it's coming from a Russian perspective. Millions of women will hate it if somebody helps them to put a coat on or opens a car door for them. It's all personal:) That's why I asked you to share your stories in the comments. 3. Everyone is awesome in their own way:) RUSSIA vs USA (still not sure...) - czcams.com/video/7CjPXwF72wA/video.html 9 things that SHOCK me in the US (Number 6 hits differently :D) - czcams.com/video/iBhLQQu23Yk/video.html Are Americans and Russians DIFFERENT? - czcams.com/video/VVi2e0K1nNo/video.html I'll be happy if you support my channel through Patreon, PayPal or Buy me a Coffee: www.patreon.com/realrussianclub www.buymeacoffee.com/realrussianclub Paypal: realrussianclub@gmail.com
Dasha, those women that don't like it when men open the door for them (or things like it) will find themselves being sorry about that someday. The thing is that everyone wants respect and if they deny themselves that with some strange paradigm they hold, well then that is just sad, but it's their choice. But our choices in life may bite us in the behind someday.
Communication is key in relationships. It's good to let people know of your needs and expectations, and usually brings good results. Some folks are really romantically oriented, some are more practical. And love always makes room to learn, grow and adjust. It's great to hear your observations! Thanks for sharing and asking for our input!
Honestly, media and "progressive" social movements have destroyed manners, romance and civility in America. Idk, maybe I was raised old fashioned and read too many books as a kid or something.
I think it is so weird to give flowers. They only last about a week, when cut from the plant they are essentially dying. It's like giving death to someone... And flowers are super expensive when considering the "shelf life". I give flowers for cultural reasons, but apart from that it's beyond me.
Awesome, Dasha!! I _really_ like your out-of-context previews at the beginning - I am still trying to figure out how to integrate those in my videos 😅 But you know what's weird about 1:35 to me as someone who grew up in Siberia? It's that those dads aren't sipping beers (or stronger!) while walking their kiddos 🤪 Seriously though - cool comparisons throughout! I'm loving this new channel 💙
You said its nothing to do with feminism but it absolutely is. If women are always telling you that you aren't needed, and that they are stronger than you... when there is no gratitude when you try to help them or they tell you that its patronising... you pretty quickly lose interest in those gestures. If I am wit someone who appreciates such things (an Eastern European for instance) I know what is expected of me and will deliver such things but such women know what is expected of them too so it is fair. With western women often its one way traffic... they are team players only when it suits. Russian culture is superior in that respect, women allow men to be men and women often behave in a feminine manner.
@@americanrussianlife It is kind of sad how western society has gone and is going. This is why I want to move East, generally Slavic women are gold compared to western women.
@@Daveyboyz1978 you are speaking truth and it's so sad how women in America have degraded men to the point where frickin' Bruce Jenner had a sex change. Can you imagine being in a household with all those women for so long and finally just throwing in the towel and becoming one? No bashing going on, just observation. Now we have to have weird conversations with our children about gender equality and so many things I can't wrap my head around. Men in America have been disrespected for being respectful for so long now, I think a lot of men are just confused and fearful of being rejected for being polite, even socially speaking. 😔
I am not from American , but from what I have experienced that men misuse their power when you give them to much power & control in society. The problem is men don’t see women as their equals, so women act masculine to earn their respect and to be considered equal! Then they blame feminism for it has done to women! When men are the problem with their mindset!
@@alaatarek9463 Men don't have any power in society. They are raised by women to pander to women. They waste their lifes trying to accumulate resources for women and when they take a burden of responsibility women want to call this "power" Regardless women tar all men with the brush of a small minority, most men are simply forgotten, invisible, neglected and down trodden. Nobody seems to respect anybody, thats not a gendered issue. Women all think they are superior too, and many consider themselves to be "the prize" even when they are bringing nothing to the table.
Yes in my opinion American men are less Romantic. When I was in Kiev Ukraine I noticed how the lady would put her arm through his as they walked. My lady is Ukrainian and only speaks Russian but I know she wants flowers and I know she wants me to give her attention and I do that. I think each of us can learn from all cultures in life
I think you are adorable! I"m currently on Lesson 5 of your Zero to Fluency videos. You make learning so much fun, and it makes sense. I've heard you talk a little about German.Any chance you might to a series for German? The videos I find are so....boring...compared to yours!
Daria, "good for you" for setting high standards in your relationship. More American women need to do that. I wish my daughter had heard your comment years ago. If a girl wants respect she should demand it, and if she doesn't get it...leave that loser and find someone who recognizes your truth worth!
Hola, como van?, Los mejores y más cordiales Saludos desde puente piedra, lima, Perú, ojalá que puedan venir en algún momento a mi país y que disfruten de la solidaridad, amabilidad, y fraternidad para con la gente que no gusta de la guerra y sus consecuencias, aqui podrán disfrutar mucho de todo por aquí, con la familia y los amigos, felicidades por sus vídeos y que ustedes y los suyos esten bien, sean bienvenidos siempre.....
A lot of people in the comments are saying that the difference in romance is probably due to feminism, and that gestures such as holding the door open is disrespectful since it insinuates that the woman can't open the door herself. I think this is extremely silly. NO ONE thinks that's what that means. If there is a problem at all with chivalrous displays, it's with everything that happens secondary to them. I don't care about someone getting the door for me--in fact, it's very polite--but if I'm already taken or am in a hurry or just not interested, then, when the person starts checking me out, buzzing around me afterwards and sometimes even physically getting in my way, it's uncomfortable and frustrating. This is because (at least in my experience), most men push back and insist if you politely try to excuse yourself, but since you can't anticipate how they'll respond if you're more blunt, showing any agitation can cause them to potentially escalate aggressively since you've presumably just hurt their pride. There's also a concern about safety: whenever I'm by myself I feel like I have to keep my head on a swivel at all times to make sure I'm not being followed to my car. Overall, it's a stressful, unpredictable situation unless it's the person I'm in a relationship with already. Maybe it's not a problem with feminism, but is something that stems from an increase in awareness or experiences of sexual violence, which forces us to be careful about overtly flirtatious gestures? The news always has similar incidents about it, it's in media, people are sexist and aggressive towards women all over the internet, and I've had my own share of experiences of abuse and harassment. Saying it's the fault of feminists because feminists take it as a sign that they're incapable of opening a door themselves is just kinda ignorant and patronizing.
I am always gentlemanly with women, but here in America, they are very often shocked at such gentlemanly behavior! They will sometimes tell me it isn't necessary; sometimes to the point that it makes me feel awkward or uncomfortable (but I do it anyway : ) I was raised to be gentlemanly, including standing when a woman enters the room. It is true that many women here do not expect gentlemanly behavior from men, or even scoff or make fun of it. But sometimes, women here are very grateful and surprised, and that makes me feel happy!
Russian men consider a woman as an object. Unfortunately, there are many women in Russia who are willing to be an object because it is their survival strategy.
I have to apologize here I was thinking in all your posts is that everything in Russia was great snd everything in America was awful!! I appreciate the positive remarks you had on American men. I always open the door for women snd other things like help women being seated. Etc. I hope you forgive me for my negative posts! Remember I am a friend of Russia and love it’s old music snd culture
Привет Дарья, We both are born in 23rd December. I am from India. You will love Indians. Do you have any Indian friends over there. I started learning Russian Language
I was always taught to do a little romantic gestures and I love to be a romantic man but sometimes it is very unappreciated Depending on the lady. So I’ve learned to find out how she feels before I do certain things. I will say after learning Russian and some of the Russian customs some of the American women Have been questioning why I sound like 7 flowers or 11 flowers instead of an even number😀
All I can say as a Canadian ex-pat who has worked in Russia, I thought that I was a magnet not that I'm great looking or anything, but I'm not Russian. Ended up marrying a wonderful Mongolian woman. It will be 17 years this December. 3 great kids.
I think romance is enjoyment of love between male and female so they do accourding to their own will. The language of romance/the taste of romance is different to everyone Merci beaucoup pour intéressante vidéo
My wife told me not to do those things even though I did them when we started dating. It’s American women mostly. They feel empowered I guess by doing those things themselves or they feel weak for allowing a man to do it.
Hi Daria, love the new channel. I hope you keep your other channel as well as its very useful. On the romance of American men, there is an age factor as well. Most men from my generation would not dream of things like women paying for dates. I see videos of women complaint about it and it is abhorrent(that women are expected to pay) My Russian wife describes American men being doormats (presumably me included) and not in charge in the house. Not sure if this s romance but an example of the difference is shown in the movie Moscow has no Tears (from your movie curse which I highly recommend), my wife says Russian women like the behavior of the main male character. American women would send him packing I.e…walk into her house and start bossing her around?? I haven’t seen it in a while but he might even slap her for not telling him she was a supervisor.
Well... men my age and younger... are worse I guess? It's rare but. Some want a family like me, im 33 now. Still no wife and kids. But me and my close friends, also men. Decided to stop trying to find someone special. Most men just want to have "fun" or don't care to be fully committed to a relationship. Wich can be fine for certain types of relationships or people. But rarely family men are found. Most men here can cook tho. ^_^
This is very interesting. Feli from Germany in her video described American men as being overly chivalrous when compared to German men. Sounds like the average american man falls somewhere between the average russian and german man when it comes to chivarly.
American woman don't seem to appreciate romanice, some say it is sexist. Others kind of laugh at it. They might enjoy it but they take it as a joke, and think maybe you are a loser or nerd something like that.
So if I as a man help my wife with the chair... isn't that implying she is somehow less capable? Of course you would help a child or an elderly person with the chair because they ARE less capable. I still hold the door for her so I'm inconsistent.
( I have a question 🤍 ) : When it comes to love and marriage .. which one that most Russian men will choose and be more attracted to? A very feminine, soft, innocent and submissive girl “a bit weak as a girl who need protection and providing but very smart and wise, with a good strong mindset, and a great loving kind affectionate passionate personality” ?? Or they prefer a girl who's also attractive, really strong and much more independent girl, who is also successful in a job wise and have a career ??
That "romance" behavior is more common in the Southern states of America, where hospitality and good manors are had by all. When I moved elsewhere, you have more equality for women, but men slack on the manors as a result. In places where men still have this idea that women would like some help with pretty much everything, they are inclined offer to help.
A lot of men aren't raised to respect a woman or to be chivalrous. A lot of men treat their woman the way that they have seen their father treat their mother. I was raised old school. A man holds the door open for a woman, helps seat her at the dinner table, Surprise her with flowers or candy or a dinner at a nice restaurant or maybe even to take her to a museum or go for a nice drive. A man should surprise his woman with these things and more to show his love and appreciation for her.
If you love your woman so much; demand equal gender pay for her and other women , paid maternity leave, protection of women's reproductive rights and other things that your woman and other women really need in this backward American society.
I've been married almost 30 years and we're both born and raised American in the midwest. I never was taught to hold any doors, chairs, hands, or coats, and I never once gave it a single thought until recently my wife mentioned "Say, look at that, that guy knows how to be nice to his wife and is opening the car door for her." OK, somehow my sticking around and being a stay at home dad for my 3 kids for the last 26 years has no importance and suddenly I'm a terrible husband. What? I'm offended that any women in modern America would need any kind of ridiculous pampering like that. I thought my wife was more practical. I always said I was going to marry a practical woman that didn't need to waste money on a diamond ring for our engagement because I was brought up very poor on a farm, but that plan failed through 30 years ago as well when she took me shopping to the jewelry store so I guess I kind of brought this on myself by marrying this snowflake/princess. ;)
I am Spanish, so I can't comment on Russian or American men. In Spain we have very aggressive feminist policies (many Spaniards think they are great) and it has taken its toll on men-women interactions. I am 51, so I have experienced a different reality . Men in the fifties/sixties even in the seventies were classically masculine: gifts, flowers, helping you with your coat, your chair, your suitcase... This behaviour is still standard among upper class or "bourgeois/conservative" men, but it is not often seen. Opening or holding the door for you, or helping you with heavy things, yes, that's pretty universal. I think both men and women associate that behaviour with machismo and times gone, outdated, cheesy ... I wouldn't feel comfortable with a man bringing me flowers, helping me with my coat, my chair (unless I actually need it!😂). Also, women in Spain often expect the men to pay for drinks, meals or treats (not teenies or millennials, I imagine ). Many women also expect getting gifts from boyfriends/husband's. I don't. Also, traditionally, when women gave birth to their children husbands would buy jewels for her (at least among wealthy people). Women also expect special treats/meals/ gifts on their wedding anniversary or the date when they started to date their partners. Special anniversaries, 10 years, 25 years, 50.years together, involve a more special celebration... It is sad, perhaps, but when men are too "solicitous" I tend to believe they are either too upper class, too conservative, or they are feigning. Too conservative entails men conceiving women as delicate, feminine, always chic and elegant, impecable manners, submissive to men ... It is a very artificial behaviour for a woman to have. On the other hand, many young women are simply put, coarse in both their manners and their looks. They use rude language, wear tacky clothes, are loud... I love the middle ground with people having taste and manners but a more relaxed attitude than in the fifties ideal. I prefer men who are charming and polite, wear normal clothes, are natural and spontaneous. But I want them to be masculine in the traditional way (not the Jane Austen's version, haha): strong, manly voice, soapy smell (not perfume), manly gestures, manly mannerisms, manly speech... I don't think a Russian man would find me appealing, hahahaha.
Many Russians, usually who have never traveled anywhere, remark about how Americans (probably in their case, American tourists) say Hello to every stranger coming the other way. Some Russian biases regarding American are inaccurate and unfair. But as for saying Hello to the world, I plead guilty. Especially with fellow tourists when I traveled around. The American tourists might like me saying Hello to them. But I remember some South Koreans who appeared startled by it, annoyed and only spoke Korean from then on. As for Russian tourists, I have seen few of them. But some of them are quite friendly because they speak some English and want to practice it. But one Russian woman, maybe age 18, was confused about how one could get a glass of milk from a cream dispenser. I tried to explain, pointing to the milk dispensers. But she was in a rotten mood, perhaps too many bewildering things happening to her. When she and her companions sat down together at a table and started speaking in Russia, I called out to them from my own table Вы русские? It surprised all of them, wondering if I had ever been to Russia. I had not. And this puzzled them. If I had never been to Russia, then where did I learn to speak Russian? That moody young woman was smiling at me now. She found something about me that was good. Suddenly, this whole conversation ended abruptly. The guides were calling for their tourists to leave this motel dining hall and start boarding the buses in order to drive off and visit a national park. Maybe I am digressing from the subject at hand, American men and Russian men. My apologies.
The old-fashioned courtesy observation is funny. Some women want it. Some do not. If you look at the channel "Feli from Germany" - she actually didnt expect or WANT the traditional treatment of having doors opened, etc from her American boyfriend. I rarely buy flowers except for a very special occasion - I prefer to buy my wife something that will last.
oh that's a cool channel, I watched a couple of videos now. But she is from Germany, German mentality is very far from the Russian one and much closer to the American one:) This video is specifically about Russia and the US
@@americanrussianlife I wouldn't say German mentality is really close to American mentality either. They share some ideas about democracy and politics, but overall, Germans are very different from Americans. Germans are very straight forward people which is part of their mentality and culture. Some dating games people like to play on one another, wouldn't fly at all in Germany.
regarding the romance aspect, I think it's less of an American feature, and more of a feature that Russian women in particular are used to. I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but Russian women are, uh, quite needy😅As an American I personally don't see flowers or pulling the chair out or etc as an avenue to express romantic feelings. They seem superficial to me. A random guess, I think Russian society is much more judgemental, especially towards women, so perhaps those type of reassurances are helpful
I’ve always loved watching you. I’m married to a central Asian women. Woman have demanded equality in American culture to the point where…We are equal in a sense and you take care of you and I’ll take care of me. That does not mean we aren’t conscience minded of each other’s inconveniences and are lacking a kind and courteous behavior towards the women in our American life. I love that my wife knows she needs a jacket when it’s cold, and then she puts it on.
It seems that Russian culture is still much the same as American culture was until the late 1960's. We were caught manners; opening doors for ladies, pulling out the chair for them at meal time; paying for everything when dating....ect. After the feminist movement, that all changed. Men were confused about what was and what was not acceptable. I finally gave up and went back to the old school way. If a lady likes it fantastic. If she doesn't, we'll there's the door.
I'm Canadian and I don't find the men very romantic here, they don't hold the door or even do the approaching. I hope there are exceptions out there and I just haven't met the right guy yet.
When my Жина of 38.6 years and I go out, I make an effort to open the car door for her at the restaurant but the car are to close in a garage starting out. Also, a wife needs non sexual touching during your time together. But it takes intentionality to remember to do it. ❤️
Dated a russian and dated a american american guy romantic sending me gifts deep conversations open to saying how he feels russian guy let me meet his mother and dad straight away extremly serios extremly fast touchy feely and to proud to say sorry no gifts no flowers and i did not care about the no gifts plus i am allergic to flowers but the not saying i am sorry emotionally handicapped part thats a big no and the american guy yes great guy we just dont live in the same contry not hating on russians i loved his mom it was like i wanted to stay becuse of his mom😭anyways thats my experience i am never dating a russian again but i would befriend a russian mom🙂
I do give women flowers, but only in a pot with soil. I don't like giving flowers that have been cut off and are dead. Its like giving someone garbage as a present. At least that's how I feel about it.
I've just got back home to New Zealand from Russia and yes I noticed all the sweet ways Russian men interacted with their wives and girlfriends ❤💙🤍 I love it. Got any single, male, Russian friends? 😉
American men tend to be very boorish. Jerks, often. I was in Europe during 1972 and met a former Polish aristocrat who was some 30 years older than I. He bowed, kissed my hand and clicked his heels. I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. but American men of my age and younger tend to be very un-gentlemanly. Though I have come across some courteous men at truck stops: some of these truck drivers actually open the door for me and step aside as I enter.
So I sign up for a Russian man where? LOL. Ummm....I do feel feminism has something to do with the behaviour change (opening door or not, pulling out chair or not). I was a "surprise" baby so my parents are WW2 generation and the age of my peers' grandparents. My dad's behaviour is what I grew up thinking was just normal manners---not romance. A man should hold the door, offer to carry something heavy, etc, as respect for women. But I have seen girls my age scream at guys for doing this :( I think for some they just don't know. Plus we do have cultural differences here---and I'm curious now if different parts of Russia are different!---like I'm from Michigan and living in Idaho n ow. In Michigan it was much more common for guys to do these things, even the guys my age would take their hats off indoors, not all but there was definitely some guys who knew what to do. I see it much less here in the western US. I think that has to do with our development as a country. Like the willingness to fail you mentioned---we were started by people who went out into something new and unknown and met with failures and successes......to build something from nothing. I think some of that is still ingrained in us as a society. And then east to west. Back east, at least in my experience, the man will for example drop you off at the door in the bad weather and then go park. Here in the Western US I get weird looks for suggesting such a thing. So like our Western half was developed after the east was well established so it's closer to the "wild west" roots and maybe -- my opinion -- why the difference regionally in the US.
I would say it depends on where you live in the US. The coasts tend to gravitate towards feminism generally. In the middle of the US, feminism is not as prevalent, so men are much more traditional, like Russian men.
that's such an interesting observation about the history of the country! I guess the roots of this attitude definitely come from there. As for romance, everything you described is so normal to me too:) but I guess a lot of people think it's "strange" today
@@americanrussianlife online student like me🙂, anyway you are a good teacher, I'm learning the language in a more pragmatic way. Your teaching methodology is really very good
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I have been following you for over a year now and love the fact that you have moved to Colorado. I also live in Colorado! When you mentioned about how men no longer open doors for women, I would have to agree. There are exceptions, however, because my husband always opens my door and is a true gentleman through and through. I love that about him. He once opened a door for a woman and she turned to him and said, "You don't have to open the door because I'm a woman. I can do it myself." He smiled back at her and said, "I'm not opening the door because you are a woman. I'm opening the door because I am a gentleman." Perfect!
I don't understand why some people get angry about these things :D it's polite to open doors
@@americanrussianlife I live in the south, so here its extremely common and seen rude if you dont. The other thing is though if you do go though you do have to say thank you. I dont like talking to people so when someone opens the door for me I *have* to respond. If I dont people get weirdly aggressive about it especially if you're a woman
Clever man your husband!
@@americanrussianlifeif it’s polite why don’t women do the same then? And I ask this as a girl myself.
There was a kind of thing called chivallry. I suppose you are too young tó understand.
As an Egyptian, I haven't really met Americans in real life; I've met some Slavs in Sharm El-Sheikh in Egypt. They seem to be really really romantic, probably cause it's their honeymoon or vacation. On the Internet I've talked with Russians and Americans through Discord and online games. Most Americans I've talked to, they seem to be arrogant and weird, unlike Russians. Russians are really cool on the internet.
I'm glad you met nice Russians on the Internet :D I usually receive a lot of negative comments from them :D
@@americanrussianlife CZcams has just deleted my reply.
I’m sure it’s a lot of extra effort, but it would be so much fun to hear each one of these in Russian too - since I am learning Russian with you
Men were once taught basic courtesies to extend to a woman, back before 1965. After that, things changed (feminism, equal rights), and men began giving up. They couldn't do anything right in the eyes of modern women. As a woman in my early 60s, I appreciate the rare kindness extended by men! I also taught my sons to be courteous.
Hello Daria I love culture comparison! I have not travelled to Russia or America - I am Scottish - recently started your Russian course and have been very recently sort of captivated by all things Russian. However, through the internet, podcasting, group activity online communities really, I could gain a certain level of insight into American culture, men, mindset etc. Oddly enough, through comparing the US with what I am used to here in Scotland or more generally the UK it actually allowed me to understand aspects of my own culture in deeper way than I ever had before.
I like this channel very much! Your US/Rus comparisons are so interesting!!!!
Hello
I think the definition of romantic may be different, because I would feel uncomfortable if someone put a coat on my shoulders or moved my chair for me. I just don't read it as "romantic." Once, I was studying on the patio of a Starbucks even after it closed for the night, and chatting with my boyfriend on the phone. I told him how nice the breezes felt, and how much I liked that the coffeeshop music was still playing as I studied on the patio alone. Pretty soon, I saw his car pull up, which was such a surprise because he hadn't said that he was coming, and pretty soon we were dancing on the breezy patio surrounded by a deserted parking lot, and it was soooo romantic. I once had a boyfriend who snuck into my apartment while I was in class shortly after I'd moved in (of course, he knew he was always welcome to be there; I just hadn't gotten him a key yet), cleaned everything for me, and set up a little carpet picnic with candles. He was sitting on the picnic blanket waiting for me when I came in the door. I have gotten random little notes, and all kinds of small romantic gestures, so I don't know if American men are "less" romantic, or just differently romantic. Also, I see some comments mentioning men opening doors for women. To me, whoever gets there first holds it open for whoever comes after; that way, we all get to be gallant by offering, and gracious by accepting.
omg I love it😊💙💙💙
@@americanrussianlife I open doors for any woman, no matter if I found her attractive or not.
@@laurag8126 anyone, man or woman, should have helped you if they could, and should have done so equally if you had been a man (it's a myth that all men are strong and all women are weak). To me, it's about the situation, not the gender, and I'm sorry people have been inconsiderate.
To be honest, the way you described the American man, can mostly be also applied for modern western man in general. In Europe for instance, the way you described the Russian man, is viewed as something highly conservative, from like the 50's. Flowers are only considered for events like birthdays or valentine days, but not every two weeks.
There are also indeed women that view holding a door or helping them put on a coat, as a sign of "he thinks I can't do this on my own". This of course varys from woman to woman, and how much feminism has influenced this is debatable, but I can't deny that I did have encounters with such women.
Wrong. Turn off the tv and go meet the American women you ignore and friend zone. Anytime I hear you American men make such a broad generalizations that always makes me laugh because you are so wrong about us.
yes, it's not just in the US
Yes, the women of an earlier era, born before 1940, were delighted to have the door opened for them, Younger women would worry about a strange man "coming on" to them, in other words, opening the door for them might be considered undesired personal attention.
Americans being unromantic is true. I am a very unromantic man and also American men blaming American women for this problem is also true. I do believe American women of today’s times are part of the reason for American men’s sexual frustration.
Would be interesting to see something like this but about Russian women v. American women.
Would like to see u do this, Dasha...
I'll try :D
🤩 интересное видео
I hope there will be a follow-up about men in urban and rural areas, in both the west and russia
that's interesting!
I am 62. I was raised to treat my woman like I do my mother. So I hold chairs, I close car doors, I help her with her coat. I do think the newer generation of men are not taught this way. On my second date with a wonderful woman in Moscow, I bought her roses. She was very touched. I can't talk her into coming here but she told me she does not like Russian men.
I always open the door for ladies and often bring them flowers sometimes even carry there purse or bag, but no I have never helped a girl put on her coat, I have given her my coat if she is cold but assisting them to put it on is truly something I have never considered...
Love your channel and really appreciate what you do!
the coat thing is the most natural for me for some reason, I don't know why :D
never carry a lady's purse 👛 or bags. But help carrying other bags, such as grocery store bags, suitcases or boxes. Carrying woman's purse means she is running your life. As a male you should be in charge of your relationship. Don't be her doormat.
@@meggtokyodelicious haha 😄 I do what I want.
@@meggtokyodelicious thanks for your concern though
I live in UK and I’m British but my boyfriend is Russian- I agree there is a huge difference between the romance of men from different cultures. My Russian boyfriend will always help me with my coat and carry my bags! He considers it an insult if I don’t let him! British guys don’t do this so often at all.
However British guys are more likely to say “I love you” often, whereas in Russia I’ve found it happens I little less
Not all American aren't romantic. I am very much so. At one time here men taught their sons to respect women and be chivalrous. We have a huge problem here because Fathers are not teaching their sons how to be men. I see many young boys being rude to their female friends or girlfriends or even their wives in public and so you know it's even worse at home. I have heard from Russian women who live there tell me men are sometimes rude to them and are very possessive. More than 2 or 3 have told me that. Ps. When did you get married again?😊
yeah, some people are really rude to each other:( makes me really sad when I hear it.
it's our 2 years anniversary today:)
The quality of men here has really declined; the men (and some women) are very arrogant because they don't speak multiple languages and don't know much about the world, and they tend to blame their shortcomings and take their desperate insecurity out on women.
Look at how western women treat their men. That's the reason why.
I am a Frenchman who lives in France.I am learning the Russian language. A few years ago, with French students learning the Russian language with me, we talked about Russian men who used to open the car door for Russian women or sometimes take the women's handbag.
French women didn't like it and even found it ridiculous.
Some women are like that here in the USA too😡
yes, a lot of women would not appreciate it :D
Daria,
Appreciate your observations regarding the dating climate between Russian and American men! Despite some small differences, I can personally say that Russian and American women can appreciate small gestures and acts that really illustrate affection and interests (flowers, offering to pay, assurance, etc). Many might disagree with this claim, but I would say social media and the current internet generation has definitely changed the standards and nature of dating! Mainly with communication! I don’t know the social media climate and it’s effects in Russia! But dating and relationships are a lot different now than the old generation! Awesome video 👍
yes, things in Russia are slowly changing too
Hello Darya, I have always enjoyed watching your videos for years. And this channel is a great idea. So glad you talk about couples sharing expectations and boundaries, which is so important to avoid problems. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I look forward to watching your next video.
thank you!
Romance is doting on my partner. When she comes home from work to massage her feet, have the house clean on my days off, and cook a nice meal for her at the end of her work day. Etc. It's the little things that matter.
amazing🤗
Wow! You are the first Russian women in internet who speaks well of American men & not hating of feminism! Which is great! I feel like western men in general are more emotional mature than eastern men & they can be REAL partners.
I am Egyptian btw.
Привет۔۔ I will speak fo myself on this. I was raised to always be respectful to all women and my elders. I still pull the chair out for Rauza and if no chair ,but a bench seat she is seated first. I open car door for her. Wherever we go I always open doors for her. Some people called it old fashioned. I call it being a gentleman. As far as Russian men. Don't want to create waves, but my stepson (he's Russian), 29, married and their first child is 8 months. He is very responsible husband and father , but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I do agree with you that all my travels and time spent in Russia, I see more moms with their children, but on weekends it's the whole family together. Welcome to America Daria. Пока
my first husband was doing a lot for our son, I can't complain :D but in general in Russia women just do more:)
If a man does not know a woman, he may not help her with a bag or a coat because so many men have been accused of violating feminist pretenses. However, I suspect that if you lived in places where tradition still matters (Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, etc.), you will find men acting romantically. While Colorado is not crazy California, there are more "liberal" men who view women differently than more traditional states mentioned above.
My husband (English) was a gentleman. He worked in an environment which included many women. Even twenty five years ago he spoke of being rebuffed when he held doors open or offered to carry something for some of his female colleagues. Maybe in those days women were over protective of their equality. I hope we can be more appreciative of good manners now. Actually, I would like to think I’d show similar courtesies toward a man now. Good manners and kind gestures from both sexes are the way to true equality.
This video is VERY helpful and informative. Спасибо большое за видео!
I married a Russian man and he is not romantic. He never buys flowers for special days or any day. He doesn't hug or open doors. I find American men are more romantic and engaged in family life.
Every video about Russia Vs. America of yours I watch I grow to love Russia more. Like I wish can't wait till I'm fluent in Russian and have enough trade skill to visit/possibly move there.
I like your point about the flexibility of North American men (I'm writing from Canada)- and have observed the same thing. I like how Russian men are more "definitive" and single-minded about their aspirations, but ultimately this can make people more concerned about goals rather than the process - and flexibility is what helps us grow in the long-term.
yes!
Hii there ,
How is it going with u in canada ?
Interesting! Never in my dating history (or in general) has anyone ever helped me put on a coat. To my knowledge, that kind of romantic gesture is something lost to history in the US.
I can't think of it not being done :D
As a man I help my wife secure her coat to her shoulders, she allows me… most of the time. But it’s just another excuse to touch my heart keeper.
Also one thing I learned is that Russians take their time having sex with someone new as opposed to American men who expect it on the first date, especially if he paid for the date. American relationships are based on sex, money, and bragging to friends.
I like relationships over here because unless the guy is Americanized, he cares more about whats between your ears than whats between your legs.
I think communication is a lot for different romantic acts flowers being the prime example. I would send flowers to a girl I adored in New York and my female coworker/friend would always say that she wished her husband would send her flowers. I mentioned it to him and he had no idea but sent her flowers within a day of me mentioning it🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
yes, communication is always a key to everything:) so sad a lot of people don't know how to do it:( so many marriages could be saved
Very nice and wonderful, worth watching .. keep it up .. When you leave a beautiful place, you carry it with you wherever you go.!
thank you :)
I just like taking care of people when I can, starting with my partner, though I’m not going out of my way to be romantic. The things you describe are considered traditional by many. I personally feel they are nice if they aren’t obligatory. When they are expected of my, I’m less likely to do them but if she just expresses that she likes these things I will go out of my way to do them.
yes, it should always come from the heart:) I just noticed that some people have never even discussed their expectations :D I was really surprised
@@americanrussianlife Right? The best relationships are the ones where people can be really honest about how they feel and what they want😀 Nice channel btw, I'm rooting for you
I think feminism does in fact play a large part in terms of affecting the behaviour of American men. Remember, it takes two to tango and if women behave a certain way, men will react to that. In the Anglosphere women are told they are the equal of men, which means they can do anything a man can do. This has the effect of instilling in many women that to be seen of value they must ape men, be that in careers or in leadership behaviour. The result is masculine type behaviours of women and resulting, effeminate men. I enjoyed my time as a man living in Russia as I felt I could exhibit traditional masculine behaviour which the women there respected and adored. Not so in my own country as its often frowned upon and disapproved.
Yes, but I think at the bottom of it all is that American fathers don't reach their sons how to be men. Maybe they are not real men themselves...
Russia is the perfect country for men XD not so much for women :)
@@americanrussianlife why not for women? Could you explain more please?
i am american man, and just my personal experience, the girls like things like flowers, but they do not want me to open their door or hold their bags or things like that, especially in public
yes, never carry a woman's bag :D
I am married to a British man. And he does give me flowers occasionally. But every time I am surprised because I don't expect them. The opening of doors - I don't expect either but holding the door is just polite for all genders, which in Russia people don't always do. I think the younger generation of Russian men do spend time with their children. But I haven't lived in Russia for a long time. At least here, they do.
UPD Answering some comments:))
1. About feminism I meant that A LOT of men use it as an excuse not to do some things that the woman WANTS them to do. Comes from personal experience, I heard it many times from my friends, etc. But feminism is definitely not about if a man should pay for coffee or not today (if you have time, look up some comments under feminism articles in Russia and the US :D)
2. About romance - remember I said there was a disclaimer:) that it's coming from a Russian perspective. Millions of women will hate it if somebody helps them to put a coat on or opens a car door for them. It's all personal:) That's why I asked you to share your stories in the comments.
3. Everyone is awesome in their own way:)
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Dasha, those women that don't like it when men open the door for them (or things like it) will find themselves being sorry about that someday. The thing is that everyone wants respect and if they deny themselves that with some strange paradigm they hold, well then that is just sad, but it's their choice. But our choices in life may bite us in the behind someday.
Yes my father told me this growing up when your fail at something does not mean your bad at it just means you need to work on it more
I'm also live in Minnesota we are really romantic up here no joke 😂😂
Communication is key in relationships. It's good to let people know of your needs and expectations, and usually brings good results. Some folks are really romantically oriented, some are more practical. And love always makes room to learn, grow and adjust. It's great to hear your observations! Thanks for sharing and asking for our input!
Honestly, media and "progressive" social movements have destroyed manners, romance and civility in America. Idk, maybe I was raised old fashioned and read too many books as a kid or something.
Thanks you teacher.Your speach is cery clear.
Thank you! 😃
And better than your spelling too!!!
Awwwwn you said :".... different in Brazil..." uhull 😃 it was a small thing but i'm happy with this. 🤗🤗🤗 thank you !
I love Brazil :D never been there but for some reason, there is a special place in my heart for it :D
@@americanrussianlife 🥰
👏👏
I think it is so weird to give flowers. They only last about a week, when cut from the plant they are essentially dying. It's like giving death to someone...
And flowers are super expensive when considering the "shelf life".
I give flowers for cultural reasons, but apart from that it's beyond me.
that's an interesting approach, I've never thought of it :D but technically everything is dying
Awesome, Dasha!! I _really_ like your out-of-context previews at the beginning - I am still trying to figure out how to integrate those in my videos 😅 But you know what's weird about 1:35 to me as someone who grew up in Siberia? It's that those dads aren't sipping beers (or stronger!) while walking their kiddos 🤪 Seriously though - cool comparisons throughout! I'm loving this new channel 💙
haha beer dads are on another level :D
my dad is the same he has never played catch with me or other things it was just me and my friends playing together
You said its nothing to do with feminism but it absolutely is. If women are always telling you that you aren't needed, and that they are stronger than you... when there is no gratitude when you try to help them or they tell you that its patronising... you pretty quickly lose interest in those gestures.
If I am wit someone who appreciates such things (an Eastern European for instance) I know what is expected of me and will deliver such things but such women know what is expected of them too so it is fair. With western women often its one way traffic... they are team players only when it suits.
Russian culture is superior in that respect, women allow men to be men and women often behave in a feminine manner.
sounds kinda sad :D
@@americanrussianlife It is kind of sad how western society has gone and is going. This is why I want to move East, generally Slavic women are gold compared to western women.
@@Daveyboyz1978 you are speaking truth and it's so sad how women in America have degraded men to the point where frickin' Bruce Jenner had a sex change. Can you imagine being in a household with all those women for so long and finally just throwing in the towel and becoming one? No bashing going on, just observation. Now we have to have weird conversations with our children about gender equality and so many things I can't wrap my head around. Men in America have been disrespected for being respectful for so long now, I think a lot of men are just confused and fearful of being rejected for being polite, even socially speaking. 😔
I am not from American , but from what I have experienced that men misuse their power when you give them to much power & control in society. The problem is men don’t see women as their equals, so women act masculine to earn their respect and to be considered equal!
Then they blame feminism for it has done to women! When men are the problem with their mindset!
@@alaatarek9463 Men don't have any power in society. They are raised by women to pander to women. They waste their lifes trying to accumulate resources for women and when they take a burden of responsibility women want to call this "power"
Regardless women tar all men with the brush of a small minority, most men are simply forgotten, invisible, neglected and down trodden.
Nobody seems to respect anybody, thats not a gendered issue. Women all think they are superior too, and many consider themselves to be "the prize" even when they are bringing nothing to the table.
Yes in my opinion American men are less Romantic. When I was in Kiev Ukraine I noticed how the lady would put her arm through his as they walked. My lady is Ukrainian and only speaks Russian but I know she wants flowers and I know she wants me to give her attention and I do that.
I think each of us can learn from all cultures in life
I think you are adorable! I"m currently on Lesson 5 of your Zero to Fluency videos. You make learning so much fun, and it makes sense. I've heard you talk a little about German.Any chance you might to a series for German? The videos I find are so....boring...compared to yours!
unfortunately I lost most of skills without practice:( Trying to brush on my Japanese now
Lovely 💖😀
Daria, "good for you" for setting high standards in your relationship. More American women need to do that. I wish my daughter had heard your comment years ago. If a girl wants respect she should demand it, and if she doesn't get it...leave that loser and find someone who recognizes your truth worth!
some people (btw both men and women) let other people treat them poorly sometimes:(
Russian women are better than American women. Its not worth the extra effort for and American woman.
Hola, como van?, Los mejores y más cordiales Saludos desde puente piedra, lima, Perú, ojalá que puedan venir en algún momento a mi país y que disfruten de la solidaridad, amabilidad, y fraternidad para con la gente que no gusta de la guerra y sus consecuencias, aqui podrán disfrutar mucho de todo por aquí, con la familia y los amigos,
felicidades por sus vídeos y que ustedes y los suyos esten bien, sean bienvenidos siempre.....
A lot of people in the comments are saying that the difference in romance is probably due to feminism, and that gestures such as holding the door open is disrespectful since it insinuates that the woman can't open the door herself.
I think this is extremely silly. NO ONE thinks that's what that means. If there is a problem at all with chivalrous displays, it's with everything that happens secondary to them. I don't care about someone getting the door for me--in fact, it's very polite--but if I'm already taken or am in a hurry or just not interested, then, when the person starts checking me out, buzzing around me afterwards and sometimes even physically getting in my way, it's uncomfortable and frustrating.
This is because (at least in my experience), most men push back and insist if you politely try to excuse yourself, but since you can't anticipate how they'll respond if you're more blunt, showing any agitation can cause them to potentially escalate aggressively since you've presumably just hurt their pride. There's also a concern about safety: whenever I'm by myself I feel like I have to keep my head on a swivel at all times to make sure I'm not being followed to my car.
Overall, it's a stressful, unpredictable situation unless it's the person I'm in a relationship with already. Maybe it's not a problem with feminism, but is something that stems from an increase in awareness or experiences of sexual violence, which forces us to be careful about overtly flirtatious gestures? The news always has similar incidents about it, it's in media, people are sexist and aggressive towards women all over the internet, and I've had my own share of experiences of abuse and harassment. Saying it's the fault of feminists because feminists take it as a sign that they're incapable of opening a door themselves is just kinda ignorant and patronizing.
I agree. If someone you barely know is overly "romantic" it's a red flag
@@americanrussianlife Yes exactly!!! That's a way better way to phrase it haha.
I am always gentlemanly with women, but here in America, they are very often shocked at such gentlemanly behavior! They will sometimes tell me it isn't necessary; sometimes to the point that it makes me feel awkward or uncomfortable (but I do it anyway : ) I was raised to be gentlemanly, including standing when a woman enters the room. It is true that many women here do not expect gentlemanly behavior from men, or even scoff or make fun of it. But sometimes, women here are very grateful and surprised, and that makes me feel happy!
yes, it all depends on a person :)
Don't change 🙂
Russian men consider a woman as an object. Unfortunately, there are many women in Russia who are willing to be an object because it is their survival strategy.
sad but true
К сожалению, это наверно большинство мужчин на земле 🙁
I have to apologize here I was thinking in all your posts is that everything in Russia was great snd everything in America was awful!! I appreciate the positive remarks you had on American men. I always open the door for women snd other things like help women being seated. Etc. I hope you forgive me for my negative posts! Remember I am a friend of Russia and love it’s old music snd culture
Thanks GOD I get admited to University in USA and waiting for interview for GPSI and GA. What will you recommend me to do?
wow congratulations! but I don't know what to recommend :D
Привет Дарья, We both are born in 23rd December. I am from India. You will love Indians. Do you have any Indian friends over there. I started learning Russian Language
I was always taught to do a little romantic gestures and I love to be a romantic man but sometimes it is very unappreciated Depending on the lady. So I’ve learned to find out how she feels before I do certain things. I will say after learning Russian and some of the Russian customs some of the American women Have been questioning why I sound like 7 flowers or 11 flowers instead of an even number😀
haha yeah XD
Oh you live in U.S.A? I love it! I hope you like it here!
Personally: I love the attention from my husband If I had one LOL
haha
All I can say as a Canadian ex-pat who has worked in Russia, I thought that I was a magnet not that I'm great looking or anything, but I'm not Russian. Ended up marrying a wonderful Mongolian woman. It will be 17 years this December. 3 great kids.
I am an American woman and I prefer & love Russian men - especially the one I have now 🥰
I think romance is enjoyment of love between male and female so they do accourding to their own will.
The language of romance/the taste of romance is different to everyone
Merci beaucoup pour intéressante vidéo
I agree
@@americanrussianlife :) 👍🏻
To sum up Russian men will help you to put your coats on ,but they won’t help you with the kids
My wife told me not to do those things even though I did them when we started dating. It’s American women mostly.
They feel empowered I guess by doing those things themselves or they feel weak for allowing a man to do it.
yes, might be the case :)
Hi Daria, love the new channel. I hope you keep your other channel as well as its very useful. On the romance of American men, there is an age factor as well. Most men from my generation would not dream of things like women paying for dates. I see videos of women complaint about it and it is abhorrent(that women are expected to pay)
My Russian wife describes American men being doormats (presumably me included) and not in charge in the house. Not sure if this s romance but an example of the difference is shown in the movie Moscow has no Tears (from your movie curse which I highly recommend), my wife says Russian women like the behavior of the main male character. American women would send him packing I.e…walk into her house and start bossing her around?? I haven’t seen it in a while but he might even slap her for not telling him she was a supervisor.
I never liked that character to be honest :D
I love your little matryoshka with the statue of liberty crown. clever :)
Well... men my age and younger... are worse I guess? It's rare but. Some want a family like me, im 33 now. Still no wife and kids. But me and my close friends, also men. Decided to stop trying to find someone special. Most men just want to have "fun" or don't care to be fully committed to a relationship. Wich can be fine for certain types of relationships or people. But rarely family men are found. Most men here can cook tho. ^_^
Men are the best cooks :D
I love to cook also 😋
difference in women and girls should be made now
This is very interesting. Feli from Germany in her video described American men as being overly chivalrous when compared to German men.
Sounds like the average american man falls somewhere between the average russian and german man when it comes to chivarly.
American woman don't seem to appreciate romanice, some say it is sexist. Others kind of laugh at it. They might enjoy it but they take it as a joke, and think maybe you are a loser or nerd something like that.
So if I as a man help my wife with the chair... isn't that implying she is somehow less capable? Of course you would help a child or an elderly person with the chair because they ARE less capable. I still hold the door for her so I'm inconsistent.
It is your wish to make her life more comfortable or just touch her one more time. It doesn't include seing her as incapable child or someone same.
( I have a question 🤍 ) :
When it comes to love and marriage ..
which one that most Russian men will choose and be more attracted to?
A very feminine, soft, innocent and submissive girl “a bit weak as a girl who need protection and providing but very smart and wise, with a good strong mindset, and a great loving kind affectionate passionate personality” ??
Or they prefer a girl who's also attractive, really strong and much more independent girl, who is also successful in a job wise and have a career ??
That "romance" behavior is more common in the Southern states of America, where hospitality and good manors are had by all. When I moved elsewhere, you have more equality for women, but men slack on the manors as a result. In places where men still have this idea that women would like some help with pretty much everything, they are inclined offer to help.
A lot of men aren't raised to respect a woman or to be chivalrous. A lot of men treat their woman the way that they have seen their father treat their mother. I was raised old school. A man holds the door open for a woman, helps seat her at the dinner table, Surprise her with flowers or candy or a dinner at a nice restaurant or maybe even to take her to a museum or go for a nice drive. A man should surprise his woman with these things and more to show his love and appreciation for her.
If you love your woman so much; demand equal gender pay for her and other women , paid maternity leave, protection of women's reproductive rights and other things that your woman and other women really need in this backward American society.
I've been married almost 30 years and we're both born and raised American in the midwest. I never was taught to hold any doors, chairs, hands, or coats, and I never once gave it a single thought until recently my wife mentioned "Say, look at that, that guy knows how to be nice to his wife and is opening the car door for her." OK, somehow my sticking around and being a stay at home dad for my 3 kids for the last 26 years has no importance and suddenly I'm a terrible husband. What? I'm offended that any women in modern America would need any kind of ridiculous pampering like that. I thought my wife was more practical. I always said I was going to marry a practical woman that didn't need to waste money on a diamond ring for our engagement because I was brought up very poor on a farm, but that plan failed through 30 years ago as well when she took me shopping to the jewelry store so I guess I kind of brought this on myself by marrying this snowflake/princess. ;)
I am Spanish, so I can't comment on Russian or American men.
In Spain we have very aggressive feminist policies (many Spaniards think they are great) and it has taken its toll on men-women interactions. I am 51, so I have experienced a different reality .
Men in the fifties/sixties even in the seventies were classically masculine: gifts, flowers, helping you with your coat, your chair, your suitcase... This behaviour is still standard among upper class or "bourgeois/conservative" men, but it is not often seen. Opening or holding the door for you, or helping you with heavy things, yes, that's pretty universal.
I think both men and women associate that behaviour with machismo and times gone, outdated, cheesy ... I wouldn't feel comfortable with a man bringing me flowers, helping me with my coat, my chair (unless I actually need it!😂). Also, women in Spain often expect the men to pay for drinks, meals or treats (not teenies or millennials, I imagine ). Many women also expect getting gifts from boyfriends/husband's. I don't.
Also, traditionally, when women gave birth to their children husbands would buy jewels for her (at least among wealthy people).
Women also expect special treats/meals/ gifts on their wedding anniversary or the date when they started to date their partners. Special anniversaries, 10 years, 25 years, 50.years together, involve a more special celebration...
It is sad, perhaps, but when men are too "solicitous" I tend to believe they are either too upper class, too conservative, or they are feigning. Too conservative entails men conceiving women as delicate, feminine, always chic and elegant, impecable manners, submissive to men ... It is a very artificial behaviour for a woman to have.
On the other hand, many young women are simply put, coarse in both their manners and their looks. They use rude language, wear tacky clothes, are loud...
I love the middle ground with people having taste and manners but a more relaxed attitude than in the fifties ideal.
I prefer men who are charming and polite, wear normal clothes, are natural and spontaneous. But I want them to be masculine in the traditional way (not the Jane Austen's version, haha): strong, manly voice, soapy smell (not perfume), manly gestures, manly mannerisms, manly speech...
I don't think a Russian man would find me appealing, hahahaha.
Many Russians, usually who have never traveled anywhere, remark about how Americans (probably in their case, American tourists) say Hello to every stranger coming the other way. Some Russian biases regarding American are inaccurate and unfair. But as for saying Hello to the world, I plead guilty. Especially with fellow tourists when I traveled around. The American tourists might like me saying Hello to them. But I remember some South Koreans who appeared startled by it, annoyed and only spoke Korean from then on. As for Russian tourists, I have seen few of them. But some of them are quite friendly because they speak some English and want to practice it. But one Russian woman, maybe age 18, was confused about how one could get a glass of milk from a cream dispenser. I tried to explain, pointing to the milk dispensers. But she was in a rotten mood, perhaps too many bewildering things happening to her. When she and her companions sat down together at a table and started speaking in Russia, I called out to them from my own table Вы русские? It surprised all of them, wondering if I had ever been to Russia. I had not. And this puzzled them. If I had never been to Russia, then where did I learn to speak Russian? That moody young woman was smiling at me now. She found something about me that was good. Suddenly, this whole conversation ended abruptly. The guides were calling for their tourists to leave this motel dining hall and start boarding the buses in order to drive off and visit a national park. Maybe I am digressing from the subject at hand, American men and Russian men. My apologies.
The old-fashioned courtesy observation is funny. Some women want it. Some do not. If you look at the channel "Feli from Germany" - she actually didnt expect or WANT the traditional treatment of having doors opened, etc from her American boyfriend. I rarely buy flowers except for a very special occasion - I prefer to buy my wife something that will last.
oh that's a cool channel, I watched a couple of videos now. But she is from Germany, German mentality is very far from the Russian one and much closer to the American one:) This video is specifically about Russia and the US
@@americanrussianlife I wouldn't say German mentality is really close to American mentality either. They share some ideas about democracy and politics, but overall, Germans are very different from Americans. Germans are very straight forward people which is part of their mentality and culture. Some dating games people like to play on one another, wouldn't fly at all in Germany.
In America there is a saying if you fail try try again
You cool teacher 😎
regarding the romance aspect, I think it's less of an American feature, and more of a feature that Russian women in particular are used to. I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but Russian women are, uh, quite needy😅As an American I personally don't see flowers or pulling the chair out or etc as an avenue to express romantic feelings. They seem superficial to me. A random guess, I think Russian society is much more judgemental, especially towards women, so perhaps those type of reassurances are helpful
I’ve always loved watching you. I’m married to a central Asian women. Woman have demanded equality in American culture to the point where…We are equal in a sense and you take care of you and I’ll take care of me. That does not mean we aren’t conscience minded of each other’s inconveniences and are lacking a kind and courteous behavior towards the women in our American life. I love that my wife knows she needs a jacket when it’s cold, and then she puts it on.
It seems that Russian culture is still much the same as American culture was until the late 1960's. We were caught manners; opening doors for ladies, pulling out the chair for them at meal time; paying for everything when dating....ect. After the feminist movement, that all changed. Men were confused about what was and what was not acceptable. I finally gave up and went back to the old school way. If a lady likes it fantastic. If she doesn't, we'll there's the door.
Американские мужчины не джентльмены, у них отсутствует это понятие.
I'm Canadian and I don't find the men very romantic here, they don't hold the door or even do the approaching. I hope there are exceptions out there and I just haven't met the right guy yet.
Love your Russian dolls
When my Жина of 38.6 years and I go out, I make an effort to open the car door for her at the restaurant but the car are to close in a garage starting out. Also, a wife needs non sexual touching during your time together. But it takes intentionality to remember to do it. ❤️
it's good that you keep that in mind :)
My wife says that I am less romantic.
Dated a russian and dated a american american guy romantic sending me gifts deep conversations open to saying how he feels russian guy let me meet his mother and dad straight away extremly serios extremly fast touchy feely and to proud to say sorry no gifts no flowers and i did not care about the no gifts plus i am allergic to flowers but the not saying i am sorry emotionally handicapped part thats a big no and the american guy yes great guy we just dont live in the same contry not hating on russians i loved his mom it was like i wanted to stay becuse of his mom😭anyways thats my experience i am never dating a russian again but i would befriend a russian mom🙂
I do give women flowers, but only in a pot with soil. I don't like giving flowers that have been cut off and are dead. Its like giving someone garbage as a present. At least that's how I feel about it.
I've just got back home to New Zealand from Russia and yes I noticed all the sweet ways Russian men interacted with their wives and girlfriends ❤💙🤍 I love it. Got any single, male, Russian friends? 😉
American men tend to be very boorish. Jerks, often. I was in Europe during 1972 and met a former Polish aristocrat who was some 30 years older than I. He bowed, kissed my hand and clicked his heels. I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. but American men of my age and younger tend to be very un-gentlemanly. Though I have come across some courteous men at truck stops: some of these truck drivers actually open the door for me and step aside as I enter.
that's an unexpected place to find a gentleman :D very interesting!
Agreed. American women need to learn they have (much) better options abroad.
I married for beauty and making ridiculous money as I do I have to order out on weekends when I come home. You're the precious flower sweetheart 💗.
hmmm ok :D
So I sign up for a Russian man where? LOL. Ummm....I do feel feminism has something to do with the behaviour change (opening door or not, pulling out chair or not). I was a "surprise" baby so my parents are WW2 generation and the age of my peers' grandparents. My dad's behaviour is what I grew up thinking was just normal manners---not romance. A man should hold the door, offer to carry something heavy, etc, as respect for women. But I have seen girls my age scream at guys for doing this :( I think for some they just don't know. Plus we do have cultural differences here---and I'm curious now if different parts of Russia are different!---like I'm from Michigan and living in Idaho n ow. In Michigan it was much more common for guys to do these things, even the guys my age would take their hats off indoors, not all but there was definitely some guys who knew what to do. I see it much less here in the western US. I think that has to do with our development as a country. Like the willingness to fail you mentioned---we were started by people who went out into something new and unknown and met with failures and successes......to build something from nothing. I think some of that is still ingrained in us as a society. And then east to west. Back east, at least in my experience, the man will for example drop you off at the door in the bad weather and then go park. Here in the Western US I get weird looks for suggesting such a thing. So like our Western half was developed after the east was well established so it's closer to the "wild west" roots and maybe -- my opinion -- why the difference regionally in the US.
I would say it depends on where you live in the US. The coasts tend to gravitate towards feminism generally. In the middle of the US, feminism is not as prevalent, so men are much more traditional, like Russian men.
that's such an interesting observation about the history of the country! I guess the roots of this attitude definitely come from there. As for romance, everything you described is so normal to me too:) but I guess a lot of people think it's "strange" today
Russian women get fresh flowers? 🥺 And they get help with their seat and putting their coat on?? 😢😭
I really want to visit Russia!!🇷🇺🪆😩🥰
Any experience with Indian men/people?
only online as Russian language students:)
@@americanrussianlife online student like me🙂, anyway you are a good teacher, I'm learning the language in a more pragmatic way. Your teaching methodology is really very good
Very good I agree with you for all you described
Romanticism is more european
Spasibo Paka'paka'
I'd say more Eastern European
I want to marry a Russian man one day when I’m older lol
Russian men are way stronger. Z 🇷🇺
Please tell more about Russian men 😌
I agree, only if you answer me🤠