I have found myself thinking whether we have really questioned the narrative of why men are blowtorches and women are ovens when talking about sexual arousal in our culture. In Western patriarchal cultures men are socialised from babyhood to repress almost every emotion but they are actively rewarded for moving towards whatever they desire (entitlement) as strength. Women are socialised almost in the opposite way. We look at adult sexual stereotypes as biological differences but from my own sexual experiences with Maori men here in New Zealand there is a completely different vibe to how they approach sex which suggests that these are environmental and therefore changeable. It seems to me that a whole pile of emotions and entitlement are loaded into male sexual desire which convert the energy to one of demand. And in this narrative women can be considered wrong for their apparent "slowness" or lack of desire in response . When you consider sexual behaviour from this lens actually women experience a natural response to a threat . I can't help feeling that narcissism underlies these interpretations - the language of frigidity not only implies a discrete individual response but there is a negative judgement of contempt rather than any acknowledgement of the tone of the engagement of men. Not their fault - they were conditioned in that way just as women have been conditioned to see everything as their fault, even their fault for having the desire to be seduced.
You guys are so right on and so refreshing in the world of relationship counseling. Thank you for all the hard work you’ve done to become such inspirational role models‼️🥹
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Love how genuine you two are❤
I have found myself thinking whether we have really questioned the narrative of why men are blowtorches and women are ovens when talking about sexual arousal in our culture.
In Western patriarchal cultures men are socialised from babyhood to repress almost every emotion but they are actively rewarded for moving towards whatever they desire (entitlement) as strength. Women are socialised almost in the opposite way. We look at adult sexual stereotypes as biological differences but from my own sexual experiences with Maori men here in New Zealand there is a completely different vibe to how they approach sex which suggests that these are environmental and therefore changeable.
It seems to me that a whole pile of emotions and entitlement are loaded into male sexual desire which convert the energy to one of demand. And in this narrative women can be considered wrong for their apparent "slowness" or lack of desire in response . When you consider sexual behaviour from this lens actually women experience a natural response to a threat .
I can't help feeling that narcissism underlies these interpretations - the language of frigidity not only implies a discrete individual response but there is a negative judgement of contempt rather than any acknowledgement of the tone of the engagement of men. Not their fault - they were conditioned in that way just as women have been conditioned to see everything as their fault, even their fault for having the desire to be seduced.
You guys are so right on and so refreshing in the world of relationship counseling. Thank you for all the hard work you’ve done to become such inspirational role models‼️🥹