How To KILL Your Fear (in 7 minutes)
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- čas přidán 11. 06. 2024
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Failure might delay your dreams, but fear will kill them. Because fear leads to inaction.
So in today’s video, you’ll learn 7 tricks to help silence that voice in your head that fears rejection.
That way you can go into any conversation with confidence, knowing you’ll feel completely unphased even if you do get rejected
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - Intro
0:23 - #1: You are not your first impression
1:05 - #2: Rejection is inevitable. Shame is optional
2:09 - #3: Life is a numbers game
2:45 - #4: Amp up your carrot/stick motivation
3:15 - #5: Rejections are good for you
5:24 - #6: See rejection as a sign that you aren't a good match
5:49 - #7: Focus on becoming the type of person who has options
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I really like the idea that they didn't reject you, they just rejected what you presented to them.
Who came up with that? Thats really strong.
Probably some stoic philosopher yers ago
Probably a roman or greek.
hi
I came up with it. You're welcome
Zig Ziglar also mentions this in his Book 'Secrets Of Closing The Sale' to not take things on the personal side but rather to improve your presentation. Very good book for anyone interested in sales
When I was a kid, I was hypersensitive to rejection and what people think of me. Nowadays, I cold approach and cold call prospective dates and clients on a continual basis, facing rejection after rejection after rejection. The best way to overcome this is when you cold call or approach someone to time yourself 3 seconds and just act. Get out there and do it, the world isn't watching you, only yourself.
Great point! The more you wait and obsess about it, the more difficult it gets. And once you do it, you realize that it wasn't that bad in the first place, so do it as soon as possible. 3 seconds rule is really something to consider. After all f**k it, no one cares; it's all in our heads.
Cold calls are illegal in certain counties unless you have a license.
Instructions were unclear. I went to a bank teller and asked for all of the money in the vault. I'm now on my 5 min prison internet allowance with extreme fear of rejection.
You took it too far
@@vivisi6483😊😊
I just love the quote from Dune 1984....'Fear is the mind-killer'.
'Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration'.
And where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Fear of rejection is the main thing holding me back in life right now. I've realized this lately more than ever. This video could not have been better timed.
So u wanna go out on a date with me?!
Hey, it's been 6 months now. How are you doing?
One trick I use is remembering that in 100 years from now, everyone in your situation is going to be dead and no one is going to remember any of that situation. It’s kinda dark, but it takes away my anxiety because I know that none of it matters in the end.
Even sooner than that. In a few months, nobody will think about that moment at all. Possibly they forgot it forever.
As a barista, please don’t come in and ask for free coffee. I promise you can find rejection acceptance practice somewhere else. 😅
New hobby unlocked! I don't want free stuff. I don't care about rejection. I just think this sounds fun to do 😂
I get the idea of it but I’m not gonna act cringe just to practice rejection 🤣 You can practice it in other areas where it’s more logical lool
Idk, seems like a valid way to get a small dose of rejection
@@turbo8628❤❤
Me hating my boss: oh of course, want a free pour over?
"The longer you live, the more you fail. Failure is the mark of a life well lived. In turn, the only way to live without failure is to be of no use to anyone. Trust me, Ive practiced”
I grew up with the usual shyness and insecurity (might also stem from being homeschooled and having few social interactions apart from my neighborhood friends), I'm also introverted so putting myself out there and being all "Hi! Hello! Can I be your friend?" was the least of my interests.
Then, I don't know, something kind of broke inside me where I just felt, "F*ck it I'm tired of this. Whatever they think of me, I don't care."
And somewhere along the line I grew to have this "It's their loss." and "Whatever, I'm still awesome." mindset. So interacting with people, whether I connected with them or not, held no weight to me. If I made a friend, cool. If I didn't, so what?
And also, I can have fun by myself, so making friends became optional. Which apparently gave me this somewhat cool or aloof or chill image, which ended up drawing people to me instead of me chasing them. I became sort of mysterious I suppose. And the more this went on, the more confident and self-assured I became. The notion that every interaction with anyone is just 1. Optional, and 2. Can go either way and I don't care which way it goes, I'll be fine.
(I might add that I also enjoy focusing on my work/activities and particularly excelling at them, so my results kind of spoke for themselves and with that, people noticed me more I guess).
One day, a couple years after my divorce, I thought to myself "what do I have to lose, really? and lost all fear of approaching women. Now I'm 7 years strong with an amazing woman. There was definitely a learning curve for dating after so many years of marriage, but it worked out.
I always remember this quote from somewhere, every additional no gets me closer to a yes.
If you let go of the fear of rejection, by getting a lot of rejections. It doesn't matter anymore if you get rejected, if the anxiety goes away, it will be much easier to have more confidence. And therefore, get less rejected.
This makes sense in theory, in practice it's certainly often a different story. If rejection always came in a very clear format that was easily understood and with feedback on what you did wrong, it would be a LOT easier to learn from the mistake and improve. However, many times rejection is unspoken and you're left guessing on whether you've been rejected or not, whether you did something wrong or not. Now some would argue "Just ask then" and that's true, that is an option. But after a few decades of rejection after rejection when you thought you were doing good things and needing to ask if something is wrong and what you did wrong, it becomes a habit to ask which is also a problem for many people. And when you then learn that people will literally reject you for asking if you did something wrong, you stop asking and start internalizing. So I like the advice on paper, but in practice it falls short.
I like your extended thought process but some people are just power driven to even understand that their rejection to a question does not matter much because the thirsty will find a well.
sounds like you take every rejection prsonally. maybe that's where you don't succseed. As the video said: "they didn't reject you. they rejected the way you present yourself" so, even if you dont get any feedback, you can always experiment with the way you present yourself. Btw, keep in mind that some people are just assholes, and it dosen't matter if you did good or not, they will always reject you, it is what it is.
This has got to be one of the most useful videos I've ever seen. I'm in door to door sales, and I signed up for Charisma University in order to help me improve my results. But on the days when I need help keeping the darkness at bay, I really needed this perspective!
I swear this channel has taken the DBT curriculum and put it into practice incredibly well!
That only works when you do get success sometimes (girl, job, etc)... when you've had literally nothing but rejections in your life, each rejection kills even more what little hope you have left
Thats a good side that rarely gets talked about
I think that's the fear a lot of people have: what if I try and still get rejected? And then they don't try.
yup i can relate to that @@CristanMeijer
Maybe you're missing the reflection bit: what did that conversation got rejected? What did I say that was particularly poorly received? Was I the best fit for this job? And why not? That sort of thing. Best of luck!
If you literally get rejected all the time in all matters of existence, you're doing something wrong. Then again, if you got rejected literally all the time as such, you would probably be dead. So, in reality you probably arent giving enough weight to the times you arent being rejected.
Wow. Just WOW. I know I've been doing this but sometimes it still hurts. Watching this video liberated and empowered me more. Just seeing those celebrities and remembering that they too had to undergo such regiment of embarrassing situations made me feel already a success while being rejected. Thanks for making this video. I'm hungry for rejections now because I know that at the end of that tunnel is a pot of gold. 🤔 Ü 👍🤗😇❤️
The difficult you can do immediately, the impossible takes a little longer.
As someone with ADHD, in which rejection usually is a sensitive area... i can confidently say that i don't fear rejection as much anymore.
Of course life and age will mature you and make you more resilient to it, but it doesn't remove the fact that i and others still get rejected every now and then or often.
For example: when you approach a person you find interesting or attractive, try to level with them. Be human, relatable and don't put anyone on a pedestal or have this mindset that someone's a league above you.
Be expressive, passionate and interested in him or her.
Get them to talk by being genuinely interested in them.
Most people don't mind talking about themselves, which is a great way to get to know someone, as well as you building confidence in socializing.
Just don't confuse arrogant and immature ones with sceptic people.
Some scepticism toward strangers is only healthy and for safety.
100% agree, I kinda found about it myself, but it was was after 30th year of my life, wish someone told me much sooner
@@lazymass I'm 27 years old mate, and got my diagnose two years ago. However, i have heavily focused on my surroundings and being open and vulnerable. This has helped me filter away people who don't contribute anything positive to my life. Plus, i don't care too much whether or not someone finds me a bit too much, because i simply who i am.
On a second note... I agree with you too
I have ADHD (severe attention deficit) and never knew about the rejection thing... Would you mind elaborating on that?
@@RcsN505 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is a common symptom of ADHD - you will have received an average of 20,000 more negative messages in early childhood than a neurotypical person, which usually goes one of two ways: either you become defiant and angry, or you become terrified of rejection and an anxious people-pleaser. You either act out ("I don't fit in so f*** everyone else!") or you act in ("I don't fit in, so clearly I'm not worth much, but if I'm very, very compliant then maybe they'll let me hang out with them"). Rejection becomes excruciatingly painful, so you might react with excessive anger, or shut down on people and give them the silent treatment. It can be confused with borderline personality disorder (and some people have both), but there are key differences in underlying beliefs (RSD doesn't characterise people into "all good" and "all bad") and general patterns of behaviour (people with RSD are more likely to have mostly stable relationships).
This was awesome! Helped me get over some mental barriers
I really liked this one, I like them all, but sometimes you need to hear things like this.
That's actually so good!
A valuable video! ✨
This and most other videos by this channel are pure gold!
No offense but I’m ugly af
Doing online business networking builds up your resistance to rejection and doing something that you are scared of regularly builds up confidence
Thank you for sticking with the channel
This video is phenomenal!
Fear does not lead to inaction!
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering!
A man of culture
Thanks yoda!!
I don't know but my heartbeat is increasing while watching this video..
This is a very important set of information to many people out here.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. Now I'm off to talking to 100 strangers in a day, and write 100 bad novels, and record 100 bad songs, etc.
who knows. maybe the 101st novel or song may be good.
@@petkofuchalski9809 yeah baby
They tell you all this useful stuff but really it's the endless roll of famous and beautiful actors that keeps you watching....
Mesmerised, you are powerless to switch to another video.
My recent one is applying for financial aid for the third time. I was fed up of the rejection so I just offered a compromise on my last letter. I told them I'll pay my books and this semester's tuition and offered them to just pay my tuition next semester. I basically told them meet me half way. One week later, my letter got approved and they'll reimbursed everything I spent so far.
I'm really bold when I write stuff. I just have to find the way to channel that boldness when talking to someone.
Fear is in the mind and can be controlled
Thanks!! Great advice. Much appreciated
1 in 64 is nothing. MJ said he failed 1000 times before he succeeded. Each failure is a lesson on how to get better. Nothing more nothing less.
You're telling me Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of Ron Howard didn't have a normal audition process?
The video I knew I needed and it delivered lol. Let’s get right 💪🏾
I definitely could have used this video a couple of years ago. Good to learn from!
Great Advice just watching this video filled me with such energy that I needed to do just that.
The name of the game is confidence. ❤
You must be reading my mind because I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm extremely anxious rn! Thank you~
so good~!!! as always guys. thanks.
Key to confidence: Just be confident
The analogy of shot at goal is exquisite. Didn't know football reference can be found in this space and I like it.
Amazing Episode ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Can you guys make a podcast? I’ve been watching all your videos for over 5 years now and absolutely love them. I think a podcast would go over very well with your audience!
How can a non Muslim (christian, hindu, buddhist or atheist) respond to a arrogant muzlim if the muzlim starts to bully the non muslim by saying: *"Come to our mosque even if you aren't a Muslim come to our mosque, leave everything."*
How can a non Muzlim respond to diffuse the situation?
Well put.
Great tips for entrepreneurs!
Best advice on CZcams to improve social skills ❤
Brother I need your help..
How can a non Muslim (christian, hindu, buddhist or atheist) respond to a arrogant muzlim if the muzlim starts to bully the non muslim by saying: *"Come to our mosque even if you aren't a Muslim come to our mosque, leave everything."*
How can a non Muzlim respond to diffuse the situation?
I love this video!❤
Excellent
Well Done
Thanks this sounds like it might work. I've been so pissed that I get rejected for every single job opportunity and that I've been rejected by each and every single girl I have ever spoken to. Recently there's been a few times where I feel I can't go on living because of all these rejections. But it seems like this mindset might work. Thank you.
What a good video
mine is always "all this will end, I will die eventually and no one will remember after a long enough time"
Ben, please come back to the pod. The world needs the insights you and Charlie together arrived at.
Ótimo conteúdo
I need to go back and rewatch this just so I can absorb its information. This is a really good channel with so many insightful commentaries on social skills.
Being recently diagnosed with adhd it now makes sense to me why i have a hard time with rejection, it even has a name: rejection sensitive dysphoria. Having identified this issue i believe i can make progress by becoming more conscious and doing the work. These vids do help, thank you!
Thank you for spelling "faze" correctly
literally abt to ask a girl out this is what i needed
Good luck bro, you got this!
Let us know how it went
I want an update tomorrow
I hope it went well
🎉 Best wishes
Day 1 I cold called was so scary and I usually have insane confidence, but after like 5 calls it became fun and I still don’t look forward but it’s easy
SAM IS THE GOat
Seinfeld said it best. Love it when the girl rejects him and he says “it’s okay, I will find someone else”!
I can understand most words but this asking effort and focusing
Today I make a resolution to watch only your channel video for a month everyday to see change' in myself.
Sometimes in dating a person is just not for you, or you are not for them, and that's perfectly ok...there is nothing wrong with you as a person
Epectitus said “only the educated are free” most people don’t understand education isn’t just learning history and math, it’s experience and learning to change and improve and how the world works
I suffer from social anxiety. All my life I have faced rejections and unsuccessful relations with people. But I have something to tell, if I go out and face my fear of rejection, not only would it make me depressed but also it would make me realize how I am such a failure who gets rejected all my life. So its not ideal for me to face my fears when my brain doesnt allow me to let go of past😢😢😢
Have you seen a therapist?
Everyone fails till they don't
I need robert California's confidence, trying to achieve that...
Shallow
But note people that this video specifically focuses on the fear of rejection ''of the first impression''. There are different kinds of rejection that cut deeper like the rejection of a long time relationship, family, close friend. Being rejected by a person you hold in high esteem and love is very different. The appropriate reaction to that is more complicated and different charisma rules are required to handle it and deal with it emotionally. In this case, having options is insufficient because some people are irreplaceable
Or try extreme humility?
Thank You./:)
When life gets hard that's when you bite down on the gum shield, you get back up n you fight for your life.
You don't just move forward when it's easy, you crawl forward if you have to when it's hard. That's how you grow, that's how you win.
I've been in alcohol n cocaine addiction for 22 years.
This ruthless opponent almost took my job, my home, my wife. I attempted suicide as I saw no way out.
Now I walk the dog, workout, meditate n study stoicism every day.
Now I'm 6 months free from alcohol & drugs.
Now I'm thriving in work, my wife is proud of me n we're stronger than ever.
Now I love myself.
If you're struggling n you're reading this please know youre not alone n you can do this. You can beat your demons too, whatever they may be.
You CAN do it.
All rejections do is trigger my insecurities. Repeated exposure does NOT work for me, it just reinforces.
Omg I already do this with driving lessons but I don’t do it to ask women out.
I love the ratio thing. Only 50% of my songs turn out good, so I make twice as many😅
Dude.... I'm super fit and handsome as underwear model... I never get rejected. Rarely. I cannot do this as I will just create disappointment by not following up on making dates, and anxiety in myself. Yet I suffer from low self image. Isn't it ironic. Bazinga ❤
Key Moments with Headings for anyone reading this. Also for me to refer back to this video
You are not the moment.
00:34 I got rejected? No. Say to self = this conversation did not go well
Rejection by Andrew Garfield
01:18 You get rejected over and over until you give up or an opportunity comes your way
Exceptional results
2:08 often require multiple tries. life is a numbers game. Actor goes for 1 in 64 chance before a job
Money Method
3:06 give a friend you trust money. do not do the thing? keep giving them more money.
Exposure Therapy
3:24 Goggins = armour for your mind.
[Reminds me of Jordan Peterson to Andrew Huberman conversation:
Exposure therapy works because you think I am afraid of something.
If I go near it, I feel negative emotions. but this is true if you go near it accidentally.
I am going near it purposefully.
What you will find is, to the degree which you do it purposefully, that response will be supressed. It is extra-ordinary !!]
idk ive been happy alone and happy with other people, and 10000% its better to be happy with someone else than by yourself
Need some help..
How can a non Muslim (christian, hindu, buddhist or atheist) respond to a arrogant muzlim if the muzlim starts to bully the non muslim by saying: *"Come to our mosque even if you aren't a Muslim come to our mosque, leave everything."*
How can a non Muzlim respond to diffuse the situation?
I think that people who stick firm to their first impressions of others are actually highly unevolved and do a significant disservice to themselves, others, and civilization as a whole. And let's be honest, first impressions are synonymous with snap judgments.
I can’t remember where I’ve seen the redhead on the video cover
can you make a video about Jason Bateman?, I love his personality in interviews.
How can a non Muslim (christian, hindu, buddhist or atheist) respond to a arrogant muzlim if the muzlim starts to bully the non muslim by saying: *"Come to our mosque even if you aren't a Muslim come to our mosque, leave everything."*
How can a non Muzlim respond to diffuse the situation?
Curious about background/edu of creators of this channel, enjoying, about to be interviewing.
This video is not bs atall
You, reading this right now, please send me the full speech of Jordan Peterson shown in the video if you have any idea where to find it. Thank you so much
Videolarınıza Türkçe altyazılı eklemelisiniz
Cool😮
Rejections by others are fine, as long as we don't reject ourselves ;)
What if I get rejected by others
Please make a video on Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s personality breakdown. His charisma & humour.
Ron Howards daughter has never had to worry about landing an acting job in her life
Rejection is inevitable
Shame is optional
"At frist you don't succeed try, try again"
Robert the Bruce
I think the only reason you can level up your charisma so fast is because most people never try to increase their charisma. If they did, it would be hard to get good at it (like most other skills).
Probably an obvious point, but it astounds me how few people realize this.
"Don't be rude or hostile"
*shot of Louis CK*
I’ll go to costa vida sometimes and be like “can I get this for free” they don’t know what to do so they give it to me
What is the name of the movie/series in 4:56?
Aw damn I guess that first thumbnail didn't fly :D
Accurate preview of what you'll find at UCSD
Actually i don't fear rejection in many areas of life, i will try not to give up... and work on it...
But i fear rejection in approaching girls and i can't accept it... so i couldn't approach them.