SEVEN MIND GAMES PLAYED BY THE NARCISSIST
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- čas přidán 11. 12. 2018
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How often have you felt manipulated by a narcissist? It has probably happened more times than you'd like to admit since manipulation is what they do. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter describes 7 mind games commonly played by a narcissist, and outlines ways to stay clear of them.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions. He lives and maintains his practice near Dallas, Texas.
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They hardly ever like your music, movies, restaurants, friends, but get their feelings hurt if you ever dont like their preferences.
17 years married to one. You speak truth. Was so bad, when she died, i felt like i was released from prison. I still have not mourned her death. Just glad the marriage is over.
@@officernasty2648 I'm sorta giggling. Bc I totally understand.
Or if you disagree with them, or if they tell you a personal recent story about an experience they had, how they think someone was wrong and when they shared the other person involved's perspective & explain your opinion (they were counting on you automatically 'taking their side') they immediately discount your objective opinion & tell you, "oh, so you're being the devil's advocate..." Their opinion-the only one that counts, unless you agree with them or even praise them! Thank God I don't have to be on constant guard and try so hard to please them anymore. 5 years free now!
Was friends with one. The guy could talk shit about me infront of and behind by back but as soon as I made fun of his cone nipples he would act all insulted.
True. The narc's the only one allowed to openly hate the things you like, but as soon as the other person decides not to play, let's say, the narc's favorite video game cause of non-hateful reasons, it's the end of the world to the narc.
Being around it is like being arrested. Anything you do and say can and will be used against you. 😢
Ain't that the truth. Dr. C
Dyan H omg! Right u r! I used to tell my Ex husband i should record our conversations because he would be vague to weasel out of stuff & i used to tell him i never wanted to be the Prosecutor in our relationship!
YES!!! It's like being charged for the same crime over and over again.
So true!!!
OMG sort us never occurred to me till now thank you!
THEY start shit and say nothing, then turn it on you like it's your fault.
YESSS!! You hit the nail on head.
That's playing the victim. They do that.
YESSSSSS They Do
EXACTLY! Perfectly said.
Of course they do. All they want to do is to control others.
sending all my love to anyone whos endured narcissistic abuse ❤
So appreciated. Dr. C
Thank You!!! & The Same to You, from me !!! ❤️❤️❤️
@Paige Hennigar THANK YOU! Still suffering at this very moment.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I am in this relationship with a NAR right now, my son. On going. Feel will never end.
Thank u
They truly hate you when you don’t play their games
uk election, i voted conservative just to oppose my narcissist wife who wanted me to vote labour. She got so upset for days, no sex for you etc... but i felt i got a bit of power back. That could be a trick, to do opposite to what they expect of you. Also i felt weird, bit fearful or guilty at first, i think that's the psychology control im under.
@@RIMJANESSOHMALOOG leave her
Yup. My mom litterly spit and closed the bathroom door as I was passing by it was hilarous like she was done with me or something. This videos saved my sanity! It was hilarous 🤣🤣🤣 feels good to be on this side of the road. As Everthing I watched and heard on those youtube videos happened right before my eyes. No going back from here. Hard as it is. I know it's going to the right direction. She's been playing for way to long now.
@@RIMJANESSOHMALOOG fearful,guilt yup see it as a symptom. It helps.
True
the narcissist isn't confident, they're grandiose. Inside they are wretchedly insecure
Exactly. They are very sensitive to minor criticism and insults, because it destroys their exaggerated sense of self-importance. Their sense of selfe-importance comes from the fact that they actually have low self esteem.
@@WolwerLeague So true.
@@WolwerLeague well said.
Totally agree
@@WolwerLeague and they are bullies
Once you know their game is impossible to have a relationship. It’s abuse . The only answer is not contact. It’s hell living with a narcissist.
So glad I never had to live with my Narcissistic snake
@@user-sl4ul4nc3t I know what you mean. Don’t have contact, sell the car and get a second hand that you own. If you are young it’s easy, if you are older it’s harder because society doesn’t appreciated older women working, it’s hard. I would say to all women, don’t stay at home with your kids, your employability is much less when the kids are gone and then you find yourself depending of this Narc.
Best of luck stay strong, your not alone.
Yes, almost 4 years and about 2 years after he went to jail for assault. This old kindhearted Lady, learned some hard lessons. I didn't have much, but he stole everything he could. Even had a couple of sheriff's help him.
He goes by Wisdom. LoL
That is so true the relationship seems faked in many ways. I see through it. And cant pretend it's a genuine relationship.
Even worse when their abusive physically
2:32 They want your trust
3:54 They get the upper hand
5:00 They instill fear in you
6:23 They sabotage you behind your back
7:55 They weaponize your past mistakes
9:22 They play the victim card and blame others
10:18 They rule your life with an iron fist
11:28 A few key thoughts
Thank you!!
Thank you! I kept backing up to catch each word!
Lowlife blood sucking vampires
Thank you. Descripion of my husband.
Really like that you do this. Thanks
“That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did…
You deserved it.”
Missy Sterling so accurate!
Perfectly worded
YES!
Missy Sterling Spot On.
Yes i deserved to being beaten up and actually it was not beating up because i did not end up in hospital and he was just restraining me and basically it was my fault because i dared to do little noise during day when he happened to be asleep. And the other time he caused me getting black eyes it was because he tipped over the carpet and he wanted to save me and his hand got a cramp and then his right hand flew this way and left hand flew the other way and actually he is the victim here.
They also seem to forget what happened and what they said the day before.... really strange. They carry on like it never happened and that you are crazy.
15 minutes after bothering me until I list it he suggested we go get icecream,
They never apologize.
Yeah the ones i met, more like seconds ago. I started sending screenshots, will then even play dumb. But the recent one..he didn't like i screenshotted stuff he said 🙃🙃
My mom does that convenient amnesia. I'm gonna do the same and see if it drives her nuts.
@@TazHall Wow and I first thought he was schizophrenic - dual personality!!
Married to one for 10 years. I had no idea until a couple years ago this was a form of abuse. He even took me to a therapist for antidepressants because I was reacting to the abuse. Wow. Recovering every day. 5 years since separated
How are you now?
I was married to one also. A covert one. They are evil people . I woke up late.
WOW. My exact story. 10 years. He made me an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist because he just wanted me to “get the help I need”. Me thinking he was being supportive, I went because I was desperate to feel/function better. But in actuality, I was an emotional wreck from all the cheating & being walked out on. All of his back & forth & mind games. All the gaslighting Had no idea that it was abuse. 1 year free. 🙌🏾
Good for you! That was 10 years wasted. Sorry to anyone who is married to one. I know a woman who has been married to a narcissist for 45yrs and still with him. She has such a low self esteem and she is so nice. Very unfortunate.
I didn't figure out k my dad was one til months after he died when I couldn't figure out why my family couldn't get over it. Turned out losing your abuser is hard for the abusers he created with his abuse
When the devil can't reach you, he sends a Narcissist. I just flushed one after 2 years of up and down behavior. She had no friends. She was never wrong. She never owned her erratic behavior. You couldn't confront her in any way...she just projects or avoids responding. Everything was about what she wants.... everything was about her....never us. She was constantly worried about what everyone thinks of her. She was also on my back about how I dressed....how I looked. I came to find out that it was not caring about me but her being embarrassed by my attire....my appearance. No....go practice your wicked game on someone else, lady. Glad to put her in my rearview. Live and learn.
What you just described is so insanely familiar it's completely fucking up my head! I could have written exactly what you did and it would be accurate in my situation.
@@russob7042 Same for me,thank God the nightmare is over for me,except for the horrible flashbacks.
There's a lot of this going around. I had never experienced the female version before this. I had plenty of experiences with the male version.....quarterbacks....politicians...generals....pro athletes.
1000% agree with your statement. They are evil. Very very degrading and evil. A slow death if you will.
@@hinatababe97 it really doesn't feel that slow.
Never tell them your secrets or insecurities.
Made that mistake..now every time he gets angry he throws it in my face
@@shannonnichole8833 😣 tell him he's ugly 🤣🤣
@@shannonnichole8833 the first time someone does it cut him out of your life
I made the huuuge mistake of telling my partner things i should've kept to myself..cos i had it in my head he is my soul mate....he shows his true colours in public ..outrageous flirt ..plays on the fact i have been cheated on and have trust issues ..
I allready did 😣..... Before i understand who she was!
It’s so weird when you expose a narcissist, it’s like realising someone you thought was very confident and powerful becomes an insecure child
So true.
SuperAussieOi That's what I'm saying.. It's crazy how u view them once the invisible spell is gone.
@SuperAussieOi
I stood my ground against a narcissist and managed to win a debate using facts and logic. I proved him wrong.
He ran out of arguments, threw a childish fit, started saying insults to me.
It made me realize how pathetic he actually is.
It certainly is weird. Watched one of them turn into a 5 year old after I drew a boundary.
@@Yue4me I also had problems with my own self-esteem. Still do a little , but it used to be a lot worse. I also had a rough childhood. I'm a quiet and nice guy, just don't like it when people bully or take advantage of me.
I finally had enough of his hypocritical manipulative bullshit.
I destroyed him and he resorted to throwing insults into my face, cause he knew had been proven wrong and didn't want to accept it. Really shows how pathetic narcissists actually are.
I've learned my lesson and now try my best to avoid bad people. Being a nice doormat has never helped me. Sometimes you have to be rough.
Once you have seen the true face of the narcissist, cut all cords (emotional, mental, physical, financial, social) and walk away. Don't engage in any kind of a conversation with them. It's like going down a rabbit hole. No resolution will come out of it.
Don't ever let them back in your life, even if they apologize - it's yet another trick to pull you back into their clutches.
And above all, always keep praying to the most high God to set you free from dark, evil, narcissistic energies. Prayers create miracles and even if the narcissist tries to keep you isolated and friendless with no one to ask for help, God is good and a way-maker even in seemingly hopeless situations. May we all be blessed and free of narcissistic energies! Amen🙏
Amen 😓😭
Amen 🙏🙏🙏
Amen
Amen 😔😞
Amen
I’ve met a lot of narc men with one thing in common: mommy issues. But sometimes daddy issues. It all starts at home.
Agree! I've dated a couple narcs and they definitely had mommy issues. Mothers that hovered and were too involved in their adult lives, although I'm sure the opposite, a neglectful mother, or an issue with the father, can result in narcissistic personalities too.
EXACTLY!!!!
Try dealing with a alcoholic narcissist that’s what I’ve been dealing with for 33 years, last 10 him drinking heavily. In the process of getting a divorce now wish me luck & say a prayer for me.
You and I are proof that it's never too late to fix a mistake. Well done :)
Good Luck!!
Why would you? For me 4 months is enough
I'm divorcing an alcoholic narcissist. I noticed the first signs when his mask came off. I ran. It was a short marriage but I refuse to deal with him anymore.
How are you doing? How it went?
Been there, done that. Only 2 years, but that was more than enough to make me get the hell out of there
This is the reason we survivors need to bingewatch all these damn videos to scrape up a sense of validation from such cunning manipulation. Had it not happened to me I would have never known ANYTHING like this exsisted or was possible.
Narcissists are hard to detect unless you live with one or work very closely with one. And even then it can take years to denote the patterns. Normal healthy people will always question themselves first. And that is why the narcissist chose you. the traits that make you a decent person is what they use against you.
I know, when you try to describe them to someone that isn't familiar with it, they think you're crazy
@@cherrytop9616 I have lost one best friend who blamed me for it, and another who is blaming me. Its horrible..... I keep saying I wish my trauma had it been anyting else a rape a cancer diagnosis award victim anything that anyone could understand but when it comes to this no one backs you up if they just think like you said that you're crazy it's such a terrible place to be in.... I wish you peace on your journey
Sister Anonymous i agree and btw i love dr todd grande for really understanding the narcissist mind
@Grandma Fury I know, its hard to believe.. i have never felt more worthless in my life... but im still trying
I was raised by a narcissist mother. She destroyed my relationship with my brother, because we were close. Always tells me I can trust her which I never will again. It took many years to break away. It is sad for me as I have no idea what it is like to have a mother that actually cares about you.
Jacqueline Patrick,You deserve better
@Jacqueline Patrick
You got cheated and ripped off. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling because my mom is a covert narcissist.
The only thing I can do is be the mother to my children, that I didn’t get. I view her as an example of what not to do.♥️
This happened to me, only I eventually discovered that he also was playing the same narcissist games with me. He tried to cheat me out of an inheritance. He dropped dead at 53, and she’s still roaring along at 92. It’s a royal muss, and frankly I deserved a lot better.
My mom finally passed away at 95 a few years ago. Although I had distanced myself and rarely share personal information with her, it was only when she died that I felt free. When people talk about Mother's Day, and how much they loved their Mother all I feel is empty.
@@nancyf7062 Find another role model. Must have been very painful to live that. Sorry but you are free now.
If you live with a narcissist and if you stand up to them, you pay the price big time...either with anger or weeks of abuse. So you learn to walk on eggshells to keep the peace.
Walking on eggshells is not peace.😥
@@GDixon-ch3yl but compared to the anger or other manipulation, the eggshels can seem better...Ugghh...
@@seekingthetruth304 maybe that's your experience. But it is not mine I have found out walking on eggshells only twists me and makes them more in control. I do choose my battles. But I don't walk on eggshells they're not the same.
I've got very defensive I just throw it right back at them
Criticism, im never good enough or can't do anything right, he will go behind me and do over what I just did, even though the way I did it was just fine, the task got done..
some people are born without arms and legs.Narcissist's are born without empathy and compassion
It's just amazing how dry they can be!
@Sugared Violet it can also be genetic
@@coffe1892 No, it can't be genetical. If narcissism is proven to be genetical, then narcs are only victims and sufferers and they should only be sympathized with and not hated.
@RHIBEE A narc causes more trauma to a lot of people than the trauma they use as an excuse. Nut cases.
@Sugared Violet Its an inborn trait.I have seen this in children.
What really boggles my mind... narcissist are all alike..
It's like they went to University and studied how to be a narcissist..
Every single one of them do the same thing to me that is mind-boggling
I know!!! It’s totally unbelievable. They are evil robots.
yes, and I think it is cultural, they copy others who do the same who get away with it. It is the normal for them
Excellent point. It’s incredible, but fortunate for us...because of reports I read online matched everything I experienced, down to the dialogue, so completely, it helped me ascertain the situation swiftly. I waited decades to know what the hell was wrong. Even the nightmare of Christmas, described in detail by others, matched what my mother did.
It's witchcraft. Businessmen purposefully make themselves double minded, like the politicians, they are able to say a lie with one half their mind, and beleive it with the other. The double minded man in unstable in all his ways.
And the amount of alter egoes floating around this society is fucking retarded. Imagine in you own mind you are staring into a mirror of yourself, the tv traumatizes people, and their inner image becomes shattered / fragmented. The broken image is a form of demonic possession. We get gamed, then we start hazing each other unconsciously.
It’s scary the sheer volume of ‘narcissists’ within our society these days. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who sees it as demonic..the good news is you’ll be so much wiser after tangling with one, and stronger if you choose to learn and be insightful about yourself
It's very demonic, disturbing and evil. So you're description is quite accurate.
@@pjpj3416 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
“1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their's also was.” 2 Timothy 3:1-9
@@ghost-user559 this is really scary. I know he is evil. It makes me sick to know how evil he is and I still sleep beside him. I pray for safety and protection and I thank God for sending his Angels to show me and tell me that I am strong enough to keep fighting for a happy, healthy, safe, and loving life. He has actually said that he is the devil. He’s proud of it! It’s scary- he has me scared every day. He displays different personalities like clockwork but he’s still unpredictable. I’m looking for ways to legally prosecute him because of this “situationship”. I feel like I’m a hostage. Thank you for posting. With everything going the way it is around the world, I feel like we all should be trying to help people find the Lord and be saved from Hell. I’m living in Hell on Earth right now. I don’t want to experience Hell in the afterlife.
@@mistyparmer8772 hopefully you can leave and things will get better wishing you luck 🍀
I made it through college and law school while married to a narcissist. I learned very quickly NOT to mention any accolades or awards I received or he would be unbearable for days. I had to keep finals and papers due under wraps or he would completely sabotage me with temper tantrums. It took a while for me to even figure what the heck was going on, it was so outrageous.
That’s sad! I am glad you made it out.🤝
I stayed for 34 years; I deserved better than that. You do, too. Find your strength for your children's sakes. Find your way out of this manipulative situation. Life on the outside? Wow! The air is clear, the kindness of others awesome. Be kind to you and. G.e.t. O.u.t.
Namaste.
Right. You can just sense something isn't right. It's not normal behavior
He needs to man up, grow up and shut up!
Kudos to you for your achievements!
Blames you for everything
And freaks out at the smallest
Errors
This my Daughter .....she is 56 years old ......I am a Widow ....my Husband her Farther, died 33 years ago at the age of 48."...... and I have tried so hard to please her......but I am blamed for every thing ....that is not right for ....... I can not speak to her ...I am 80 years old on 1st of November ...
Plus, what they give out they can't take
Cynthia Rockett I’m very sorry to hear this, am 57 my daughter is 25, and is a narcissist. Her father is too. Am terrified to be in the same room with my daughter. I have no independence or friends. I feel my only choice is suicide.
I used to hate trying to cook. If I didn't ask for help they would get involved anyhow, or try to make changes when you were following a recipe it was frustrating and I got to the point where I said fuck it, it's not worth trying to do something nice for somebody
@@cynthiarockett6554 Sorry to hear that. My father passed away recently. And while I do my her(for blowing all his money, leaving the houses unfished making him sicker and sicker, plus stealing his painkillers so he couldn't do anything, plus all the anger issues. And yet trying to spin every bad decisions she made that really hurt me and my father instead, onto him.) but it must suck getting blamed like that.
No. Contact. Period.
It really is a beautiful thing.
Liz Beth yep!! It’s been almost 40 years for me since there has been any contact. Best decision ever!
Yes Liz this is the cure. My current situation dealing with a coworker
@eroMoD eroMoD I'm not the narcissist asshole. I'm the one that dealing with one.
I am finding myself in that situation. I one year went by after she blew up at me the last time, . Then she, the (friend), made contact last November & WEASLED her way back into MY life, then last evening, she blew up at me again, playing her blame game... I cannot do it, it's so unhealthy & toxic to me.. it's exhausting...I'm done. 😦😝😩
@@gingerbee6719 Toxicity is draining, damaging and exhausting. It doesn't get better. It's relentless.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 7 years. Complete control and cheating at all times 😒. Finally getting myself and my children out of this.
Same here
Good luck. Do it!
The BEST REVENGE for a Narcissist is to IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY. Ghosting them is the ultimate blow to their egos. Forget they ever existed. 👍🏼
I am doing this now. This person insulted my wife and daughter. So I cut their ass.
Wish they taught this in high school.
same
A lot of people would be better off if they did.
Yup wtf where did this come from?
It's great to have the internet its how I realised what I was dealing with was a narcissist was a painful realisation at first but the truth will set you free and I'm free of that person .
Some of the bullying teachers who make life he'll for the students .....I had experience of such a person in my sons school . Mr charisma he had two faces the smile and the sheer. Jealousy was behind all his bullying of teenage boys not the girls . He saw himself as Mr handsome .many women admired him other teachers and female students . But tteenage boys on receiving end of constant harassment they loathed him ...
Narcissism has become an epidemic. I'm truly worried for the fate of humanity
Me too and it is becoming an epidemic and just look at the man in the white house he's a narcissist now that's real scary
@@annetebailey4122 it is scary, especially how people take influence so easily.
Untill the day comes that we work together for the collective efficiency of each other, the digressive personality type is winning, so to speak.
Gamma Light Cooperation and teamwork and fair play are concepts utterly foreign to the narcissist.
I agree completely.
It's really common in developing countries.
I’ve always thought that the narcissist’s trashing you to other people serves a purpose from their perspective. It serves to justify their poor treatment of you. You’re the ‘bad guy,’ so you deserved whatever it was they did to you.
So I am a second wife in a religious marriage.
My husband started getting worse towards me after he found out I am pregnant with my first child. We have been in a rough time so this was the worst time to get pregnant, but it happened. I have only been married to him for a year but he and the first wife have been married for 10.
So I would be minding my own business in the first wife's home (when I would go to help with her kids) and he would take time to poke me until I got irritate and spoke rudely to him to tell him off. The first wife would sit there and say "why are you bothering her? Just leave her alone" and he immediately defends himself saying "See? She is so rude. Who would want to be kind to someone like this. She deserves it for being disrespectful". This is after he scolds me or shouts at me to put me in my place for being rude towards him for pestering me (he normally would make offensive "jokes" or poke at my mentally illnesses).
The first wife said that her entire 10 year marriage has been. No different and watching the way he teaches me is like reliving her initial years of marriage. Except she feels she must stay for the kids.
And I bounced a couple weeks ago while being newly pregnant.
Neither of them know where I am and she gave up doing his bidding to get me to return. The four kids (ages 2-9) have even been brought into this by my husband. Soon I will let them know I left the country we all resided in together (not our home country).
Sis (as I call her), if he won't change for you after 10 years then I am nothing magical or special for him to change for me after one year. If he cared so much about this baby of mine he wouldn't put me under stress, trying to threaten that he can force me to abort, tell me to go kill myself twice (in her presence), refuse me to seek mental health treatment for my diagnosed illnesses, and refuse to allow me to seek a doctor for anything until 16 weeks.
That sweet woman has bent over backwards, and then some, to help keep this family together. But I cannot keep burdening her with my marriage and she needs a break. I pray she gets every bit of a reward in the afterlife for everything she has done to be there for me through everything, but I had to leave.
I miss her and the kids.
"You two act more like a married couple than you and I do" -husband's comment about me and the first wife.
Yeah, no dug, it's called respecting boundaries and genuinely loving one another without expectations or demands.
Walking away is the only solution to get rid of from the Narcissist.
I walked away(no longer in telephone contact) a month and five days ago; best 31 days of my life! Dad's my narc. He is invisible to me, now. I just won't be bothered with his b.s!
Having a parent like this is torture.
I agree....
...and is THE good basis for becoming a narcissist, too (generalky spoken, not personally).
yes yes yes .
My mother-in-law is that way
I agree as I have one
And they feel threatened and attacked when u try to talk to them about them
Yup,they're extremely fragile, defensive,and sensitive. They're like overgrown, insane, psychotic 2 yr olds. Very pathetic individuals.
They will talk about themselves endlessly, but if you try to talk about them, unless its crafty ego stroking, forget it, they RUN. Leave you holding a rubber chicken.
@Twist Reject woww..this is wats happening here..u are shifting blame on others jus for them forming an opinion. The way u overreacted is what we jus said. U instantly became defensive and irrational.
Typical narcissistic gaslighting.
And then they’ll turn it on you calling you the narcissist when you confront them with how they are lol! 😂
One thing I always get is "after everything I've done for you". In my experience a narcissist will do literally anything to keep you tied to them.
You are their source of supply....until you decide to turn it off. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism it sure isn't easy
My respect and empathy goes out to all that have have been directly and indirectly affected by narcissistic relationships. Here's to all you folk out there.
Oh, so true. My BPD/narc husband does nice stuff then, once we argue afterwards, his favorite line is “Oh, I guess the concert is over if he got me tickets to a concert. And, another good line is if I bring something to his attention that was unacceptable behavior, he says oh, just forget it. Deflects from his bad behavior. I now just laugh in his face and walk away. Ugh!
I started saying, “It doesn’t appear you’re happy in this relationship. Perhaps there’s someone better suited.” She ended it within two days. Now I can figure out who I am again,
You're lucky if they end it. Most times they will string you along while they start their new relationship with your replacement behind your back.
That's what my ex boyfriend always says. Wow, everything makes sense now
You're lucky. Mine cheated on me and gave me chlamydia and blamed it on me. As if jacking off can create an std 😆 she was evil and the stress caused me to start balding
1. They charm you into trusting them.
2. They begin to establish the upper hand over you
3. They instill fear in you
4. They will sabotage you behind your back
5. They find your flaws and use them against you
6. They'll portray themselves as the victim even if it was their fault. They pin blame on anyone but themselves.
7. They turn life into a list of rules & obligations
Don't give them the reaction they want. Don't fall into their traps.
T
All those qualities describe my dad.
My ex wife of 31 years had ALL narcissistic characteristics, and used all seven of these things on me and our only (now adult) kid. The kid hasn't spoken to me in almost three years.
@@tedschmitt178 Why? You aren't the narcissist.
can't/won't forgive you for anything...but EXPECT to be "forgiven" their faults (though they never Truly own up that they did/said anything unhelpful or hurtful...
As you begin to confront them, they begin playing "idiot game" where they don't understant what is wrong with their actions.
Yes. They are conveniently confused
Yea and start crying ...crocodile's tears
So Tru
OMG! this is so true!
Spot on
The narc I knew opened up by telling
me his family weak points. It made me feel pressured to reveal my life. I thought he was being vulnerable. But all that disclosure was manipulative and painting him as a victim. Later I realised he didn't actually ever let on about "himself" like how he felt or how he was wrong. The max he would say is "I took responsibility for my part" but never said what that was. Such an easy sentence to say! Lol
Realizing my ex is a narcissist is one of the most painful experiences I ever been through
Me: “what you did was abusive.”
Narc. “That’s your perception, I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Wow!!! I hear that all the time...that is until I woke up and called him out on his nonsense!
“That wasn’t abusive I was playing”. “Everybody agrees with me you’re the crazy one” exhausting to even talk to them.
Yup; This happens to me constantly. 2 years in and I"M about to leave. It's always "I'm not responsible for the way you feel" WTF?
@@LuLtvGAMING did ya leave yet?
Me: "You have broken my wrist" Narc: "If I have broken your wrist then you deserved it" No apology then tells everybody that I had a fall. However the hospital figured it out for themselves what really happened.
How many narcissistic people are here taking notes and learning to smooth their craft 😂
They’re tricky like that in my experience
🤣🤣🤣🤣
John Probably hundreds
There are narcissist therapists . Yoga teachers business consultants . They will be considered successful as they have used their skills in Manipulation to their own advantage. Certainly Acting theatre and showbusiness is full of Narcissistic personalities.
Many NARCS have watched these videos and then decided that the videos do not apply to them.
I was thinking the same...a narcissistic supply source.
I’ve experienced 6 out of the 7. My wake up call was when I started identifying that they always play the victim in every situation. It took me many years to become aware of his games but very quickly realized they are narcissistic. Even though I’m not 100% free, I am freer than I have ever been. I won’t ever go back. Thank you for the education, your videos are extremely helpful
Why are you not completely free?
@@PoyTroy I have children with him. I do need to communicate with him for child care reasons which tempts him to want to play games and control me once again. It is a struggle maintaining boundaries but I am in a much better place now emotionally than when I was married.
@@brown_eyed_girl I knew you were gonna say that, I'm in the same position. I'm free but still have to talk to them for my child here and there. I honestly am lucky cause they found a new supply and don't have to deal with their emotional baggage or constant criticism, it's just talks about my child and that's it
Everything is alright with him as long as I don't say anything
That’s how they take your voice! They want to silence everything about you. Don’t let them take your voice and if they have taken it then get it back!
@@destewart2288 Thank you. It's gonna be hard since I'm stuck in this abusive situation 😔
Right ! I would agree !
@@chocolate4135 I am so sorry, for I know this all too well ! When money is used as a weapon, in addition to, other forms of victimization/gaslighting to keep you down, poor and isolated, is not only brutal, but CRIMINAL !
Are you ok ? Are you in a safe location ?
Standing up to a narc won't do nothing but make them more angry. Best way is to no contact.
No contact sounds and is great , then the holidays comes , family get together can be tricky .
@@bryanoliver5550 I don't even go to the events if I know the narc will be there.
Bryan, don't give them the attention they seek. Just be kind and move along. =] Happy Holidays.
That's what's happening to me it's killing me
What a great ending! He certainly helps a lot of people in distressed situations.
“Don’t give the reaction that they want “ Best advice ever!! Thank you!
Yes the best one don't even look they way
I'm so happy I found this, I have been feeling so alone for so long. Thank you
That sets them off any way you try to do and they blame you. And you really need a psychologist between the two of you to sort things out so everybody's on the same page.
@@lorawalsh2412 I have listened to this fully. Now this video will prevent one from being affected by a narcissist and prevent the "forces" from "becoming" a narcissist: czcams.com/video/K-MoPErk3l0/video.html
When one who is purifies by austerity, contemplative, free from desire and searching for life beyond all of this the video has been made. When this series is finished by way of accepting understanding practicing reiterating and perfecting is one ready for the next stage which is beautiful. I wish you well in your journey :)
You are so right I live with one I think he could troll but he and denial with him you style with yourself so he has to try to make everybody else be unhappy it sneaks around dust oven and he believes whatever he says to try to convince you to believe it are that you're stupid Down to where you're not happy The same to do is to get out of it And I'm the wife shall I know To be very shady They try to tell you that they know what love is but they don't And I want to make you think you're cute don't Because I don't know how to get that can return After water becomes very mentally and physically abusive you should because you're so unhappy with yourself
The lovely thing about Dr. C's videos is that you can go back and rewatch when needed. It's an amazing catalog of therapy. Love being on team healthy.
So pleased, Ann. Dr. C
He is by far the BEST therapist. It’s like he know my husband!!
@@lifeisgood7740 Welcome to Team Healthy. I posted this 3 years ago. Time flies under Dr. C'S guidance. You'll find your place of peace guaranteed. My narcassist is 97 and I've risen above her and her messy life. She hurts me no longer. It's glorious. 😘
As the ‘golden child’ or whatever of a communal narcissist father, i at least know what it’s like to think like a narcissistic person, but not a true narcissist cuz I saw a good therapist since freshman year, and I’ve worked very hard on changing my thought patterns, increasing empathy and compassion for others, taking full responsibility for my mistakes, and I stopped viewing people as selfish and dumb. And it was absolutely worth the hard work I’m a different person now and I see through all my fathers bs
Also my listening skills improved a lot cuz I now genuinely care about others and what they have to say. Also I don’t lie and I have a much deeper connection to my friends and family members besides my dad
I'm the scapegoat. It's hard having the narcissist's responsibility fall on me. Just too much! He can't be bothered, so I won't be. Dad is the narc. I deserve better!
Narcissist favorite tool is getting you to love them.
Yep. And when they have you in the “enamored” state, they feel and express a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
They need you to side with them, see it their way. Emotions blind people to the truth
100
Omg yes they bloody do
They write the rules, but don't follow them!
Very true. Check out George Simon also. He speaks about not letting a narcissist dictate the terms of engagement -how they always start off whereby you are in a one-down position ....a major reason for NOT arguing with them, since it shows that you buy into their doubting of your merit and perspective. He says that it is so important to redefine the terms of engagement.
I see it also as, question their right to question you ....or look at the 'thought behind the thought' .... great example would be to question their right to be abusive over a supposed criticism of your work. -This sneaky aggressive tactic, where they hide behind a supposedly legitimate criticism of your work and try to fool you into engaging on this level.
I also found an article at www.excelatlife.com on dealing with Passive Aggressive behaviour ...namely, people who hide behind supposed "legitimate" criticisms to actually abuse somebody ...the trick is supposedly to say something like: "I may be wrong, but you sound really angry with me...?" ...and to repeat this sort of questioning until you FORCE the covert narcissist to OWN their hostility towards you (instead of hiding behind "legitimate" "constructive" criticism) OR they have to then back down and start behaving in a civil manner.
Thought I'd pass this on.
I am so OVER having these SHIT HOLE people in my life... I don't know what the future holds for me if I cannot manage to at last get serious distance from these toxic pieces of absolute crap.
@@lambchop6278 Thank you! I will check out the other persons posts and the article. This is a whole new area for me since becoming entangled for 5 years. This will never happen to me again! When you know, you go. When I knew, I flew. Best regards!
Remember, they're really afraid of you.
Rachele Gilbert true
great point! I am quite sure my ex girlfriend was a narcissist! she would always crucify me for things that she did even worse than me. when i pointed out the double standard she would always say that she did it because of me. and omg, could she ever play the victim!
When I learned how to remain calm, she accused me of not caring. Why learn how to deal with these people ? The only way to improve the situation is by leaving them .
My ex would actually say "Don't talk with him or her". "Don't go here or there". They are control freaks, blameshifting totally unpleasant ppl! I'm putting it lightly too!
You can feal the hate. The little bit of “love” they offer feels like a patronizing/child like/immature way. I feel the hate is real. I don’t feel the love at all.
Talking in a child like voice.
Yes I really believe my narcissistic husband of 36 yrs really actually hates me! He can do such thoughtful and kind things after being Mr Nasty as I call it. I know it’s the love bombing stage.
@@dubliner1303 ... and in a sing-song way!
They are incapable of love. Jesse Lee Peterson gives a good definition of love.
The hate or only continual pitying of you to your face as being only a hopeless case. Until every one of your own assets get used up.
I was in a relationship that drove me towards almost committing suicide. When I got back home from the hospital, I was blamed for it, that was a red flag for me to leave
I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope your doing better now.
I know a narc who did the same thing...feel sorry you had to go through that
so sorry u went thru that. thats not fair.. I pray ur happy now and have the love u deserve
I have abandonment issues. It was chum in the water for her. Left me feeling like my soul was killed. God helped me and always has. Now I can help others. That is my reward.
Im so sorry. I went thru something similar. I had a mental breakdown at exes house and wanted to die. Then they kicked me out and ex told me I terrorized them. I was pregnant and sick. Somehow i still blame myself but jesus it’s so insane of them
I am so grateful for your advice and counseling. My brother and I are dealing with end-of-life care for our mother who is an extremely narcissistic person. My brother is actually providing day-to-day nursing-type care to her while she belittles him, insults him, and picks apart everything he tries to do to help her. I quit giving in to her demands about 18 years ago and she declared nuclear war on me and tried to break up my marriage, created a web of lies about me, and tried to get me fired from my job. I refused to fight back and simply stepped-away. My brother did not, and he is now trapped in the situation.
You can bet she does not appreciate his efforts.
It has taken me years to be in control of my life again but in the beginning I was under his control completely. I took the blame for everything just for a quiet life but started standing up to him after 40 years, but it ended my marriage and although it gets lonely, it's peaceful and stress free.
Me to, 40 years married, of never being right about anything, he isolated me from my family and friends. Divorcing NOW! Wake up call: cancer in my female parts. He tried to say it really wasn’t that bad, after all I didn’t receive chemo or radiation treatments!!! The doctor caught the cancer extremely early in the cell of my uterus. He wouldn’t even take care of me after major surgery. Expected me to take care of HIS needs instead of my own body.
So over the games! Nobody is worth a miserable life. I would rather be alone on an island than deal with a game playing narc!
🌟
Try having a daughter in law that plays these games with. I'm divorced so she takes advantage of the fact it's just me. And now I have a grandson I hardly see because I won't play her games. It's so sad. But she has already destroyed my close relationship with my son because she has him do her dirty work for her like he has no choice. She has him wrapped around her pinky. I have to stay away because it's devastating to deal with this sneaky witch. I end up crying and leaving early every time I visit. It's a 4 hour drive and in disabled..(Back problems and Lupud) So I don't subject myself to them anymore. I can't for my Sanity! I'm still 💔 broken hearted.
They still stunted your existence by isolation as last respite. See, & you will like it, you see, gangster
I'll join you...I'm tired of the b.s. seems like the whole world are narcissists....
@@michelleantonette9345 mines had my whole family turn against me....even after breaking my face....
The best thing to do is stay the hell away from them, even if they are your family.
Evil is the game they play i know doe are like one
they play great games but immature guys too
Thank you: the best thing to do is to stay away from them--even if it is a family member...
Same, once I get my car then I will leave my parents for good.
True
@@haaxxx9 are you parents narcissist?
I’ve been thinking about this for a while: how can someone who’s basically a petulant child in an adult’s body be able to manipulate people this well? I think it’s because they’re good at finding people who are too nice/doormats. They test you to see how much crap you’re willing to put up with, and how much they can influence you with their “you should, you must” statements. From there they have an unbeatable advantage because they can hold you to an unreachable standard of perfection while they can do whatever they want because “muh bad childhood!” or “muh dark times™️“. All because the victim is too nice to call them out on their hypocrisy, and doesn’t wanna start a conflict because the narcissist will have every flying monkey they know message you nonstop and badmouth you behind your back and try to do everything they can to get even with you. No sane person would do that, their goal is to fight you while your goal is to just not have to deal with their horrible treatment.
TLDR they’re unhindered by morals while you are and they purposely select individuals who are sympathetic so they can play the victim whenever they’re backed into a corner and give you a bunch of rules that only apply to you and not them.
What you wrote sums it perfectly. Good for your awareness 🙂
Got that right went through hell but I'm free of it now 😁
Oh my word man, you've just nailed it perfectly, exactly what my ex was like!!! Yeah I was putty in her hands, I loved her but that's how it went. Manipulation, tantrums, distancing, cheating,bad mouthing, childhood trauma, Lies.
They should put these fked up people on a watch list to warn other potential victims...
Yep! That's why many therapists talk about setting boundaries at the start of a new relationship.
This person told me they hate playing victim then they turned literally everyone we know against me and played victim instead of us talking through the issue. The epitome of a victim right there and the flying monkeys came to me at different times testing me with questions and I looked guilty based on my response or lack thereof plus I was not in the right state of mind so I said things I shouldn't have.
I was married to a wonderful woman for 20 years before she passed away. The last ten years of marriage she had turned into a narcissist and used all 7 of the mind games mentioned. Not being able to realize what she was doing I fell into many of her "traps", simply because I loved her and knew she was in pain from her ailments. We were like two roommates living in the same house. After she passed I got therapy for what I thought was loss of a loved one, but it turned out it was more than that. I had to de-program myself from how she treated me as well as the loss of a loved one. Your views on the 7 mind games narcissist's play, hots the nail on the head, all 7 nails. Thanks for giving me confirmation.
Hi Nelson! How did you de-program yourself, please? Thank you.
"They are just joking" all the time. Duhhhhh.
110% true
@@elizrebezilmadommdo1662 this is so true.. why we can't we take a joke ;( what's wrong with us
@@samsavage8988 but they cant take any kind of jokes
@Alison Gaona dont show your emotions to them. Gray rock
Oh yes, “don’t take it personal”
Nothing "bad" is their fault. Everything "good" is something they caused.
Bingo!!!!
Exactly. This is hilarious but it really isn't. Mine even has a so called "Conscious Living" social page.. Just crazy. I have kids with this nut. Smdh
You are NOT lying! Dead on target with that statement.
czcams.com/video/yYhaAwv6Cj4/video.html
I feel like im gaslighting myself into thinking IM the narc because I blame myself first and have bpd traits, but then the ex has a lot of narc traits like how he acted toward me and i NEVER did towards him. I dont even trust myself anymore
Had the same thing. That's why he is so good. But what you're doing is simply called looking for your own mistakes in that relationship. Was he/she wrong/ the narc? Or was I the narc? Or were we both narcs, going back and forth? But in essence, you question yourself where you went wrong in the relationship. That's a healthy sign. You're willing to learn from your mistakes. That's a sign you can trust yourself. They send you on a guilt trip when they tell you their trauma's and (kind of) admit where certain behaviours come from.
Like, in my case, you cannot blaim a victim of sexual and domestic child abuse that eventually became narcissistic herself, for putting you up with firm sexual boundaries, misplaced jealousy towards aquaintances and friends, self induced insecurity and a practically asexual relationship in return. I mean, how could I not go wrong? Talk about a perfect formula for walking on eggshells. Everything I did was wrong.
It's ok and healthy if you don't want such a thing ruining your life. Especially when you've had (well, in my case) 2 psychiatrists telling you, you are mentally, spiritually and physically, beautifully balanced, you're talented and doing your thing with it, you're doing it great and you have some awesome plans for your future. Just days after a pretty intense breakup, containing gaslighting, suicide threats, flying tables, flying washing racks and kitchen knives flying around the neighbourhood.
Really, trust yourself. It's ok to look where you went wrong. But don't get lost in it. And take care.
That thought of blaming yourself PROVES you aren't the Narc. A Narc WILL NEVER TAKE BLAME OR RESPONSIBILTY!!! Learn to trust yourself and your decisions. The Narc's opinion means NOTHING!
Missy don't feel that way if possible. I'm going through the same confusing roller coaster with my ex-wife that I divorced in Feb of 2021...
My husband won’t manage his heart disease with meds or diet. When he gets feeling real bad he’ll come at me demanding to know how to feel better. Because I’m a nurse he knows that I understand what’s happening. No matter what advice I give him it’s not enough. Tonight was one of those nights. I told him he has not learned about his disease or followed the doctors orders and that I’m not his punching bag to use when he feels bad. It feels good to stand up for myself.
Good for you!
Confronting a narcissist is not healthy. They are usually violent when they feel threatened.
bust um up then that power will diminish
yes, mines does. starts with heavy handed pointing fingers and then they go for the smack on the top of the head, grabbing your collar/clothes, then when you lock yourself in your room they ram on the door and you wonder if you should call the cops on your crazy mom
@@davidfitzgerald4683 sometimes that's the best way imo. Fear is a great deterrent.
@MarSar Fishin' I'm reading your comment and my heart literally just sank I feel so sorry to hear your story. I bhateb the fact that you think you've alrerady lost. Once there is life hunny aint nothing lost. You better get back up say a prayer and ask God for the strength to fight this feeling and also to feel worthwhile again. With Jehovah my friend nothing is impossible.
Ce R yes they have violent and aggressive behaviiurs as one of the psychopathic traits
A comeback line that worked for me was... well honey I would love to agree with you..but then we would both be wrong!!!!!
Ha! Ha!
Ha! This is great! Narcissists lack a sense of humor.
Lol that one got me hahaha
I'd have got a week of silent treatment for that lip. My sister would've got a punch in the face.
Nice
They can be fake nice. Later he purposely acted physically intimidating to “get my attention”… he acts nice and friendly to other people, especially people I work with, this is, I believe to “win them to his side” if I ever have to leave him, then he can be “the victim” and my coworkers may think that I must be the “bad guy”
I know one who is always the victim. Never takes responsibility for anything he does wrong. Wants people to always get him out of anything he gets himself in.
Lois Roberts,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈! Cause you are too beautiful 🌺🌹🌷
@@oscarwilliamson1264 ...What are up to dude?...I'm become suspicious of you & your 'overly nice' responses to female victims of narcs!...Sure, u are aware of the unfailing law of 'sowing & reaping'...So, play no games, & check your motives... Father-God is watching u!... Shalom.
Hi Lois, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
Oh, never trust them and tell them your secrets because they'll grasp the first opportunity to use your secrets against you. They are liars and will play mind games all day long and everyday.
Kholoud Aladel that’s the issue you can’t just look at someone and say ooo there’s a narc don’t talk to them.
No it’s the opposite they act normal and get you to trust them then they have you comfortable enough to spill your heart to them....then they begin their draining of you once you give them the ammo
The best way to drain a narcissist is by not telling him your secrets,it’s sometimes really hard,especially if it’s your very close relative,I learned how to change the subject(it took me 20 years to learn that)-talk about them and their interests instead,don’t let them leash u in your conversation,don’t let them trap u over and over again!
You are so correct. It's like they're soulless.
czcams.com/video/yYhaAwv6Cj4/video.html
Couldn’t you be shameless and have no secrets?
Yes. Never, never share any secretes.
I am beginning to think my health issues are possibly affected by his treatment of me. Yes hes always putting me down.
Caroline Stone take good care, an apple a day& water, never give up! I hear u!
@Caroline Stone 100%! I've had adrenal fatigue (feel like I have the flu 24/7), chronic lower back pain, chronic sleep issues. Not to mention the isolation that comes with it.
Find ways to take care of yourself. I started with yoga, I was soooo scared, shaking like a leaf, but I just kept going (4 times a week) and my life slowly changed and got better.
Also Al Anon - a 12 Step program for friends and family of alcoholics, but everyone is welcome and it's really helpful.
trust me, it is. I was a therapist for many years, and had 2 very narcissistic parents who were very successful. I'm 65 and still dealing with the low self-esteem. One thing that may help you get in touch with your body and what it is telling you is to read books by Arnold Mindell, he's very good at interpreting messages from your body, he helped me alot.
@@weisabunny Yes Al anon is wonderful - and those folks are heroes. I've had the same health problems, now I have Hashimotos, too, pretty sure it all came from how I was raised by 2 narc parents.
The hardest step is trusting your judgment first. When I left a relationship which I genuinely dreaded each day, my health and prospects improved.
So true! They will hurt you and walk away like it was your fault! Leaving you very broken.
I was nodding constantly throughout this video. The stories I could tell...
One of my family's favorite control tactic is "I'm just so worried about you." Infantilizing, domineering and questions of my mental capacity all in one. Yay. I think my "favorite" was when I was told at the tail end of a very minor illness that I didn't really know what I had and if I needed to go to the hospital, to call *them,* not an ambulance.
I've gone no contact with most of my family. Greyrocking works wonders on the ones I can't do that with just yet.
Kimberly, sorry to hear your experience. I'm dealing with a similar situation right now with my family. How did you respond to the "You're scaring me" or "You've lost your mind/imagining a reality that doesn't exist" tactics? I've always known it's been a gaslighting tactic, but it doesn't make it easier to keep receiving it.
My X- Narcissist husband portrayed me to his family a total different person than who I am! I’m free from that praise God almighty!
My x did the same, but there was a language barrier. It's been five years now and have zero contact.
Kristi Beers I think that’s my issue
Same here thankgod
Same here, I was always portrayed as the villain in the relationship but it was he always projecting his insecurities onto me. He has been out of my life for a decade and all I can say is good riddance to him.
@@shenanigans17100 thats great im proud of you mines dont come around as much anymore but when he do he claims hes checking on me sonething i dont need we have 4 children together and its sad that he only cares about himself he so selfish he cant even be right with them so im do what i have to do for them only thing is im waiting patiently for God to bless me with a place out of town so i can be totally clear of that demonic man
He left out Gas Lighting. Making you think reality is all in your mind.
Angel C. Sudario please go easy on the Doctor. 😁
This reminds me of my narcissistic ex-boss who told me that I was the creative director of the company. Two years later, he hired some guy and told him that he was the creative director. Needless to say, that was a problem. He denied ever giving me that title and got mad at me when I confronted him about it.
He's got a whole episode on it on this channel! It's good.
No where says this is an all inclusive listing
Well, your version of reality is a function of your mind, just as mine is - like identity. Gas-lighting is more making you question your sanity, instilling your self doubt and reliance on them.
I was with a narcissistic man for 10 years. Towards the end when he realised I was starting to take care of my needs, and I called him out, he responded by labeling me passive aggressive, and even tried to claim that I was being 'remotely controlled'. When I finally moved away he had a huge emotional/physical reaction because I had destroyed our relationship and hurt him so deeply. Several weeks later he told me he was in love with someone else, and then proceeded to be verbally hurtful, dismissive and cruel. I also blocked all contact. Recovery is hard and can be slow, but it is how you regain yourself.
Lmao Teenas out here dodging bullets.
Coverts the one I know does not wants to know about me ever.His game projection ,triangulation, guilt, gaslight , manipulation, control, devalue & blame shifting. When I say no to his way or the highway he calls me Bipolar.
God bless you beloved.
I don't know you in person but God knows you well God reveal a revelation to me when I was going through your profile to observe things about your spiritual life.
while I was meditating
I saw a divine breakthrough in your life and I saw evil attack of the enemies manipulating on seizing your favour and to come against your hand work for you to be confused and lost hope. As I was praying the Lord reveal to me and instruct you to sow a seed into the life of a baby suffering from leukemia in children of Saviour motherless foundation,located Edo state,Nigeria, before the end of tomorrow and let me know so I can join you in prayers deeply because he want to manifest his promises in your life and that of your family
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God bless you.....
I get called bipolar too!!
Folks being called Bipolar. Even if you are, so what? Get the hell out of the relationship. These people are no good for you.
After 6 years I'm finally seeing the light! You just described my life, I was starting to wonder if I really was bipolar!
I got called narcissistic from my ex 😁which was super ironic.
They're trying to dim your shine.
So very true ... my daughter says, "everybody thinks you're very nice, but inside you're not nice at all"???
They'll take out the BULB!
Everyday!
I wish people knew what this really meant, the sheer extent of it. We're living in Brave New World, production of epsilons and all.
I was married for 25 years to a man fulfilling every sign you mention . Plus all those years we were in The Jehovah’s Witness Cult .....also Narcissistic !!!!! My life was hell ( I now know I am an empath ) . The religion teaches as a woman you NEVER leave your husband . At the end of 25 years I had NO personality left and was a wreck . I finally left him for my own mental and physical safety .
Then I found out the TRUTH about JWs and disassociated myself . AT LAST I AM ME ...at 68 years old ....whew ...home at last !
Love love love love love your story 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Wow would I ever like to talk to YOU! Was raised JEHOVAH witness never got baptized because I saw my sister get dis fellowship saw how she was treated
You are a beautiful person!!!
Im also an ex JW.
Wow, thanks for sharing!! That makes a lot of sense regarding JW's
Dealing with a spouse like this for last 26 years. Thought it was just the Sagittarius in him🙄. Now I know he's a sociopathic narcissist.
My wife is a Covert, or Vulnerable Narcissist, and one of the things I think is funny, in a very sad way, is that she watches these videos, and then specifically, and almost systematically, goes through these points trying to make myself, and her kids, believe WE are the ones being narcissistic and the issue in the relationship.
1. They are smarter than you
2. They have no sympathy
3. They start stupid arguments and blame you
4. They don't accompany you to your family gatherings
5. The day starts out how they feel not caring about you or your day.
6. They speak louder and louder thinking that will make you agree with them.
7. Thay are aways in a bad mood, they are not happy very often.
8. They talk down to you and think it's funny.
9. You're always wrong
10. They require an exhausting amount of attention.
If this is your experience, RUN! Never look back! And don't let their charming apology woo you back. Many men and women are mentally scarred for life. My anxiety attacks seized the very day I left. And this is not meant for self pity like some say. So many women have lost their lives being in this type of relationship. Men have too.
I am having to deal with my Father like that and the worse part he act's 3/4 of the time on what you posted here. I never seen it till I got my diploma. Mother isn't much of a help ether, only my sisters are helpful which I do appreciate since they deal with their bullshit for over 30 years now.
But luckily I have a decent job and can save up for a decent car, like a 2000's civic. Sigh up for Community College in the Fall so there my deadline!
#2 on your list is a tricky one. I had a reality check and found out there is a significant difference between sympathy and empathy. My narc mother was able to sympathize but it wasn't her experiencing the pain or joyful feelings I was sharing. They don't actually feel the feelings of others. That is the essence of a lack of empathy. She would use sympathy as a smoke screen. Its a very subtle difference after becoming NA or Narc Aware.
No Empathy. It's being soulless for anyone unless it's themselves
He just send me a pic on whatsapp guess he is gonna try to manipulate me r play r make me feel bad about myself
This sounds like the guy I'm WITH!!
@@kearab4238 run!
I was married to a narcissist. We are apart now for 17yrs. I'm still becoming the person I truly am. It feels great to be free after almost losing my identity.
Patricia, may I ask how you got away?
I was married for 10 yrs to a covert narcissist. It was the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. I felt like I was crazy. I've been out for 3 months, I've never felt better and more empowered 🤗🙏🥰. Of course he already has his NS and she's pregnant lol🤣. Better her then me😆.
Married 4years and gone 1 month filing divorce Oct. 24th. I love me even though I lost myself in him. I am finding more and more pieces of me everyday💪 and 😁
Yes 31 years married to one , it was awfull
I'm in the process of getting away from one. I can finally start to heal.
The narc: "I don't know what I want but I want it now!"
The narcissist that I was married nearly sent me to my death. Now that I see the games and how they play it makes me glad that he was not able to. Thank you for the insights and what to do.
Hi Jane, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
In my experience, confrontation doesn't work. The result is a barrage of narcissistic rage. And they hold a grudge FOREVER. I've found the only thing that works is shunning them. Conflict only feeds their ego and love of drama, but they can't tolerate being ignored.
Amen to that!
Carry a grudge if you mean it!
Yes Forever!!
Exactly right!
Ignore conflict and carry a grudge✔️
Only problem with confronting them is that they're often actually dangerous and can get really nasty
YES SO TRUE MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST AS YOU SAY HE OK ONE MINUTE HE OK AND THE NEXT TOTALLY FLIP MODE 30 MINUTES LATER I LOVE YOU BABY LETS DO SOMETHING I TELL HIM TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IM LIKE WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU EARLIER HE SAYS ITS NOTHING WRONG BABY HE JUST GOING THROUGH SOMETHING AND HES SAYS NOTHING JUST DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW SO I LEARNED NOT TO STOP PUSHING TOO HARD AT THE SITUATION BECAUSE HE GETS VERY ANGRY AND VIOLENT RAGE THAT ALSO BECOMES MY PROBLEM AS WELL TO MAKE THIS STORY I THINK THAT HE REALLY TRY TO PLAY WITH MY MIND GAMES AND TRY TO MANIPULATE ME WITH THE PLAY OF THOSE MASTER MIND GAMES HE TRY PLAYING WITH ME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS CUT IT SHORT THATS WHY HIS HEAD HEADED ASS IN JAIL BECAUSE HE DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO NOTHING I SAY RIDE OVER MY OPINIONS ON THINGS HE JUST GO BY HIS OWN IN TAKE THAT'S WHY I THINK IM GOING TO PUT HIM IN CHECK WHEN HE GETS OUT OR HE CAN GET HIS ASS OUT MY LIFE BECAUSE IM TOO OLD FOR THIS BULLSHIT AND I EXPLAINED TO HIM IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER IM MOVING FORWARD AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR ME AND MY LIFE DAMN A MAN.(I CAN DO BAD BY MYSELF)!!!!!😎🤗😚 BUT ANYWAYS I FEEL WHERE YOU WAS COMING FROM AND I NEED A HERO NOT A ZERO BOO !!!####👑👑 A KING IN MY CORNER GOD BLESS YOU AND TAKE CARE PEACE & LOVE ,💘💘💘💘💘 PRAY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST FOR ME I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE LILE IT'S GOLDEN IM 39 YEAR-OLD WILL TURN THE BIG 40 THIS YEAR OKAY SO DON'T HAVE TIME FOR GAMES LOVE YOU TAKE CARE YOURSELF PEACE AGAIN 😛😛😛😛😀😀😀🙈🙉🙊
I liken it to the phrase someone taught me long ago "Whacking the hornets nest might be the best thing to do, but best left undone."
flutefun999 exactly!
@@denisejackson6509 life is hard denise,but for a partner to make it even harder and misrible for you speaks volumes,i hope it works out for you,either your partner changes for the better or you leave him,its not easy, but from what you wrote you have some clarity .you deserve only the best denise,ivwish you all the very best..
Denise jackson..run while you can you are a free agent. Get on your hands and knees and praise the Lord you did not have IT'S SPAWN.
My sister tries to bring me down by telling me I’m vein and shallow amongst other things just because I describe people as beautiful and enjoy taking pride in my appearance... but everyone else tells me I’m a beautiful person... it’s taken me until I’m 29 to believe I’m good and whole.
jealousy is a beast
FYI "You're So Vain" is a song written in 1971 by American singer and songwriter Carly Simon and released in November 1972. Veins carry blood in your body.
@@dylannaenzo9737 lol
If someone says these phrases, are they a narcissist?
1) You’re so negative.
2) Why can’t you just relax?
3) It’s your hormones/ anxiety making you think like that.
4) You wouldn’t be happy with anyone.
5) Every relationship has problems.
6) I have never had problems with anyone else.
7) We would be fine if you weren’t so...
8) It’s you who has an issue.
9) I have defended you to my friends.
10) I know you better than anyone.
11) You upset my friends when you...
12) Everyone thinks you’re being weird.
These are knowingly crazy-making right?
Or my favorite "No one will ever put up that from you!" That's another one you can add to the list.
Once you are fully aware you are dealing with a narcissist, the best way to deal with them, is to never deal with them again. The hard part is coming to this realisation.
My father was a narcissist, I saw him in the books I read on the subject. The most startling thing I read was: "They will never kill themselves because inside... they are already dead,"
Sad.
The same applies to my father. After many years of mental abuse, my sister and I left him two years ago, never to go back. He tried relentlessly to invade our lives again and again, which did not work out. My sis needed psychological care for a long time. There is only one way to deal with narcissists: go away, stay away, burn all bridges. My father has been dead inside for as long as I can remember, without him knowing. He is like a mental cancer, consuming anyone who comes close.
My mother unfortunately. Best thing I ever did was go no contact over a year ago. She is the one that is mentally ill....when I waved my clean bill of sanity after spending hours with a top psychiatrist she was left speechless. Turns out I have C-PTSD. Finally free after 55 years!!
yes very true it is a deep state of apathy almost like being in a coma ( i have seen it visually like a very young child bent forward over their folded knees stuck at the bottom of a very deep dark well )
apathy is a suppression of feelings although numbness is the first authentic feeling thus if someone can even manage to acknowledge their apathy they might be able to sit in their numbness long enough to then grieve a bit. Grief is necessary to come out of that deep dark place of desolation and despair. Acknowledging devastation is necessary to begin to grieve these deep wounds. The power and control issues used to boost self esteem ( self image ) create more distance from the reality of feeling these wounds enough to safely grieve them.
my father became a psychic medium and has relied upon antidepressants to separate from his feelings yet now in his eighties a lot of those dark spiritual separations are coming back into his body forcing him to feel pain yet I can not convince him that some of his physical pain is due to suppressed feelings as well.
our spirit is love and love is a feeling
our wisdom consciousness is made up solely of feelings which is denser than energy and the mental awareness is only energy thus only thirty percent of a feeling
the tricky part of spiritual separation is the intellect since there are zero feelings in the intellect although the person can have a mental awareness of feelings and think they are feeling when they really are not feeling anything since feelings are both demonstrative and vulnerable
the emotional tone scale explains how people move through a scale of feelings
covert hostility is a good example as the person is stuck between fear and anger and they refuse to feel either since their depth of sensitivity regarding grief is too daunting for them to surrender to yet mentally they can believe that they are above fear or beyond it yet that is a mental rationalization or seduction since then they feel they are in control yet their aggression still squeaks out in inappropriate ways
now to get to the point of my responding to your message here, it takes a great deal of vitality to actually kill yourself
i am in no way suggesting suicide as any kind of remedy
i am saying that feeling dead inside or being stuck in apathy doesn’t allow someone to choose suicide even if they do finally acknowledge feelings of devastation still there has to be a very strong feeling of assuredness that suicide is necessary truthfully thus a choice to suicide must come with a great deal of conviction that there is no other way out of life’s negative situation
feelings are powerful since we can feel like we are dead emotionally due to our devastation about life’s circumstances yet it is our beliefs regarding our own self worth that tend to propel us into destructive actions and that is always due to the assumption that we have no value somehow, that we are not appreciated and our positive efforts are not given any credit... that is what I am learning about myself, that I am angry that all of my good intentions and positive efforts are not recognized as having merit and then I can take it all very personally and go into a tail spin over every slight that I have ever suffered as if these repetitive put downs are real and have meaning yet ultimately every action that I have ever taken can only be judged between me and my own higher self
only my God knows my value and worth ; not another flawed human being
like Stephen Levine teaches : we need to seek the love and mercy in our own human hearts for ourselves and others
personally for me i have needed to see the game and the underlying tactics of the wounded people in my life to be able to witness it without getting caught up in it and losing my own center by reacting negatively and thus getting sucked into negative behaviors
Dr Carter’s ideas about how to respond to the narcissist are helping me to see what I can be capable of and for my own journey I do wish to expose the narcissist
I already know myself and I know my own intentions, I just need to not allow outside forces to convince me that I am less than what I know myself to be
Same. Fuck that nigga.
They do figure out the buttons to push to get a reaction. Get a new set of buttons. It really throws them off when you react opposite of their expectations!
Hi Kathryn, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.
Yeah I like that learn to be quite a chameleon
They never apologize, never admit their wrong doing, are quick to point out your faults to make them feel superior! 😥
They beat you down for something you didn't even do. They Never Do Anything Wrong¡
Yes!!!!
Nope
Omg yes
That explained how my eldest sister talked and behaved with every family member.... even for being empathic for my father!!! She thought that we are not right in our spiritual faith and bragged about God and Christian virtues. It's a life-long problem in the family. I left home to study and work since I was 18 years. But when I go back home, she is still the same crazy talker.
My experience
1. You talking about yourself makes them angry because they see that confidence in you which they do not want to exist.
2. You said something and they understood it some other way and make a big deal out of it(your explanation is never heard or approved). You cannot come out of it without a fight or a verbal abuse.
3. You always have to admit to their decisions and plans.
4. They are always correct.
Yes you will explain yourself around in circles
Bruh I do all those 😂
The number 2 my grandfather did that to me 😱 how is called when i say something and someone understand different and make a big deal of it?
It’s all about them or their interests! I don’t matter! I’m a nothing! Got to stop! These videos are an amazing insight into narcissistic behaviour! Thank you Les!
Omg my ex did this rolled his eyes was passive aggressive. He hated my confidence, was always trying to one up and compete with me.
The problem is that after being with a narcissist, I cannot trust anyone to open up with.
Dr. Carter, this is the 2nd time listening to this empowering video. You will probably never know how very thankful & grateful I am to have found your channel. Your soothing manner, insight & generosity in making these videos has helped me greatly. Hugs to you & all Survivors here, learning, growing & getting healthy again. Kudos.
I totally agree with this , Thankyou for your help
Agree 💯
I have to say that my narc DOES NOT react well to being confronted or if I am standing up for myself.
If you are no longer with them, that won't matter.
None of them do. None of them ever will.
@@armadillotoe why do you assume it's s romantic partner?
Could be a parent, a sibling, a coworker, a neighbour.
The narc is the one with the problem, not their victims.
Experience, expertise and education is highly overrated.
Bottom line is they get off on messing with you.
They sure do am i imagining this or is it really happening.
THATS RIGHT BUT YOU KNOW PAYBACK IS A BITCH
Yes they make u believe🙄 u won't survive without them, yet u will💖 as u did B4 they arrive in ur life..
My father told me early in life, "There are things you will not want to do in your life that you have to do anyway." I did not know that everything he was referring to that I had to do was FOR HIM! It was only many years later that I realize that I am living both his needs but also his mistakes!
Hi Kitty Kat, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Richard by name, it would be nice getting to know you better, if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😉.