Marriage and family therapist here 🙋🏼♀️ I just want to jump through my screen and have this conversation right now haha. I have SO many individual clients who struggle with this (men and women) and a lot of couples who struggle with the resentment that can come in the aftermath. There is no short answer for this but… I find that being able to see that there can be helpful as well as unhelpful people-pleasing can be beneficial and gives less of a chance of shame showing up trying to get rid of the people-pleasing. Rather than trying to get rid of it, being aware of that line and the feeling that comes up when it crosses over to unhelpful (ie. resentment, annoyance, anger, etc). At that point knowing how to take responsibility when you let yourself lose balance between your own needs and the needs of others and learning to communicate that and make the adjustment. Then learning to navigate the highly uncomfortable feeling when you decide not to people-please. That’s probably the hardest part. Massive fan of this podcast and both of you as women in field of sports. Thanks for doing what you do and being so authentic while you do it🙏🏼
Just like you said - some people are just not happy unless they have something to bitch about! Don’t waste your worry on how to make them happy! Please don’t take time away from the good in your lives worrying about how to be a people pleaser. Unless it’s family or work related (important stuff) it really doesn’t deserve a space in your mind! It does get easier with age 😉. Love you ladies!
100% a venmo judger so I very much appreciated that and keep that $#!T on *private* lock. Whose idea was it to treat that like a social media app AND the dryer! My mom had the same rule. And also not to shower during thunderstorms. Loved this chat. I feel seen 😂
"I have so much anxiety right now, its bananas!" This is amazing! A direct quote from my brain, in sooooo many situations!! I just love you girls!! I laughed so hard when Erin said this, that my kids looked at me like i completely lost my mind! Which I mean at this point in time in summer I pretty much have!
Charissa-please tell where we can get an NFL Films sweatshirt, if available...Erin-can you do an hour or so on the channel just reading us a bedtime story in your so soothing whisper....just perfect
I am the person who comments as I’m watching otherwise I will forget. And also I want my comments to be separate based on topic. So comment #1 is, and stated as a woman in the corporate world with many men, CT you say that you don’t buy that it’s “we’re women” and in the next sentence contradict yourself. I am not the sports world so I won’t pretend that I know shit I don’t. But this is a universal conversation. People pleasers (🙋🏻♀️) need everyone else to be okay so they can feel okay. It’s garbage. If we want to simply the conversation and make typical-gender-based, men do the same thing but it expresses differently. It boils down to codependency. I need you to be okay with my thoughts so you keep liking me. Trust your own thoughts and opinions and let go of fears that you’re not enough. You are where you are for a reason. You are both excellent at what you do. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be employed. So step up and own your role- UNAPOLOGETICALLY!! Stop apologizing for existing and having the jobs that you have. For sure you both have been traumatized by weirdo people, and I absolutely acknowledge that. I know you are both strong humans and that your fathers are a pivotal part of that. You can be the leaders of this generation that knows one’s own worth based on merit. Fuck this idea that “it’s a man’s world.” Y’all have repeatedly said how awesome your teammates are and how amazing the players you interview are, that is the only gauge you should be using. You are part of the team because you have earned your spot and you are a consistent contributor to the team’s success. Because of who you are as a HUMAN independent of everything else. ❤
Reasonable expectations. Ask yourself: Is what the person is requiring of me to please them reasonable? Are the expectations I've placed on myself in order to please them reasonable? Swap shoes: Would you expect the same of someone if the roles were reversed? If someone you care about was in your position, would you think they're trying or doing too much for approval or not being treated fairly? I'll do anything for those I love who appreciate it &/or would do the same for me. Beyond that, my own needs come first. If you don't know about, look into the 16 diff personality types & take the test. I found it very helpful to know my own traits, tendencies & way my brain processes info. The more I got into them, it helped me identify these diff types in those I know & am getting to know. (It's similar to the love languages if you know about those.) Maybe someone will find this helpful like it's been for me.✌️
I had a seven day candle in glass that got at Fred Meyer(Oregon) shatter when it was about 2/3 done. Ever since, I place a seven day candle in a metal bowl about 8" around just in case.
hit send too quickly! Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay & Foster Cline. Old book, my kids are 32, 36 and 38. The world keeps changing and feels more complicated but love and logic will never change! Solid parenting advice! Hugs!
I have always been a “pleaser” type, but at the same time (in my younger years) was an AITA (yes I was 😮). But your thoughts and comments are very valid and something a very large number of us are dealing with.
I thought a candle would just go out if it was to the end. Nope, the glass exploded and burned and warped the counter top. Luckily it stopped there. Never have I ever left one burning for an extended amount of time again. I learned the hard way.
IM A FAITHFUL PERSON THAT IS LISTENING TO YOUR PODCAST. BUT WHEN EXACTLY IS YOUR FULL PODCAST ?CAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH YOUR PREGAME WHICH IS ONLY 4-6 MINS LONG BUT WHEN IS THE ACTUAL ONE THAT HAS A FULL EPISODE OF YOU TWO? LOVE THE CLIPS BUT WANT TO SEE MORE FULL PODCASTS. CANT SEEM TO SEE WHEN YOU POST FULL EPISODES. I LOVE THE PREGAMES BUT MOSTLY ONLY PREGAME IS ON YOUR CHANNEL AND NOT THE FULL PODCASTS. LOVE YOU GIRLS AND DONT WANT TO MISS ANY OF THEM BUT ASKING THAT THERE BE MORE FULL EPISODES. THANK YOU. ❤
Professionally, you both are more effective if you can help make whomever you are interviewing more comfortable...any hint that you don't give a "F" will make you less effective...you need to be circumspect and you need to make your interviewee the center of the conversation and comfortable. In your personal life, it's a small step to becoming a people pleaser.
Listen to Daveney free and well podcast or emotional badass with Nikki eiaenhauer Both of them are on point with all of us people pleasers and highly sensitive people **football is my favorite season**
1. Discipline- the child is pushing your buttons and you acquiesce just once the child has won and you will have to try 10 times harder to correct the issue! Kids are very smart that way, even at 1. 2 - Venmo: oh hell no, charge me for a play date. A child is never going back to that house (never, ever, ever 😂) but will meet you at the park and play with your kid outside (where they should be anyway! To many nice days are wasted inside. Us GenX’rs grew up outside getting water from the garden hose, and not coming in until the street lights came on!! 😂😂
Forgive me… I am doing what. You guys talked about at the beginning. But…… I raised 3 boys under the age of 3 yrs. Boys are TOUGH to raise with an upper hand. I am 71 yr old grandma. 😂I learned early on that their bottoms are for popping. Diapers or not. The older they get it needs the sting a little😂so they don’t laugh at me when smacked on the but. Because they did. Soo I started saving my life a touch by giving them a choice by counting by mouth and fingers. 1-2-3 and the better be moving ( for the issue and toward my expectation ) by time I reached number three. Worked for me again at a wedding we went to, andiheld up my hand when they got my eye and just started 1-2-3 quietly with my fingers and wiggled my finger like come to me…come to me and it worked!!! For your little guy….they have to hav discipline. U concequences. Some times if he won’t allow you to stand where they were suppose to be by reading books….starting to scream and cry one of you may have to tell him you’ll leave and take him to the car while he is crying etc. for his diciplineing. He must understand his .
I agree. “Soft parenting” does not really work. There have to be definitive consequences starting at a young age. I am not advocating beatings like we got in the 60’s and 70’s, but a pop and loss of privileges!
Oh honey! Both you honeys. ❤️ Keep talking to each other and being conscious of what you want to change. That’s the best path to better versions of yourselves. Finding a balance between people pleasing and being an asshole is not impossible, it just takes practice. Being committed to the process is everything. My friends and I (we’re all old af) say women in their 20s care about what everybody thinks of them. Women in their 30s stop caring about strangers. Women in their 40s struggle with the deepest stuff that keeps us stuck, and all that leads us to the Fuck You Fifties. 👍🏼 Relief is on its way, just keep working! (So far we haven’t named any other decades because we don’t have to.) 😂 Talking to a therapist can certainly give you better tools, because everybody has their own quirks that keep them stuck, and therapy is personal and specific. Here’s the best news: you can stop being a people pleaser, still be a loving human being, still have amazing friends, and you won’t die because you change your approach. 🥰🥰🥰
Yes if a candle is too low, the glass can explode!!! My ex is a firefighter ❤️🩹. I also loved all things about how you guys would think about if you forgot to shut something off or blow the candle out and you drive back home or obsess over all day. This is me. Also you gals are so relatable and so awesome.
"You can please some people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" Keyboard warriors are the lowest form of life. They get off causing others pain hiding behind a pseudo name. GRRRR
Marriage and family therapist here 🙋🏼♀️ I just want to jump through my screen and have this conversation right now haha. I have SO many individual clients who struggle with this (men and women) and a lot of couples who struggle with the resentment that can come in the aftermath. There is no short answer for this but… I find that being able to see that there can be helpful as well as unhelpful people-pleasing can be beneficial and gives less of a chance of shame showing up trying to get rid of the people-pleasing. Rather than trying to get rid of it, being aware of that line and the feeling that comes up when it crosses over to unhelpful (ie. resentment, annoyance, anger, etc). At that point knowing how to take responsibility when you let yourself lose balance between your own needs and the needs of others and learning to communicate that and make the adjustment. Then learning to navigate the highly uncomfortable feeling when you decide not to people-please. That’s probably the hardest part. Massive fan of this podcast and both of you as women in field of sports. Thanks for doing what you do and being so authentic while you do it🙏🏼
Is it wrong that I’m a dude and I effing love this podcast and EVERYTHING about these two! 💕💗
Parenting with love and logic is a parenting book that is wonderful! Highly recommend Erin!
Just like you said - some people are just not happy unless they have something to bitch about! Don’t waste your worry on how to make them happy! Please don’t take time away from the good in your lives worrying about how to be a people pleaser. Unless it’s family or work related (important stuff) it really doesn’t deserve a space in your mind! It does get easier with age 😉. Love you ladies!
Parenting with Love and Logic
Charissa's hoodie is so cozy
100% a venmo judger so I very much appreciated that
and keep that $#!T on *private* lock. Whose idea was it to treat that like a social media app
100% a venmo judger so I very much appreciated that
and keep that $#!T on *private* lock. Whose idea was it to treat that like a social media app
AND the dryer! My mom had the same rule. And also not to shower during thunderstorms.
Loved this chat. I feel seen 😂
Love y'all!!!
"I have so much anxiety right now, its bananas!" This is amazing! A direct quote from my brain, in sooooo many situations!! I just love you girls!! I laughed so hard when Erin said this, that my kids looked at me like i completely lost my mind! Which I mean at this point in time in summer I pretty much have!
Not sure if having the need to please people is about the guilt or the fear of not pleasing them. It’s a real mental wrestle.
Girl! You can live that way!!!❤
Venmo for playdates?!?! Stop. I’m with C on this!
Charissa-please tell where we can get an NFL Films sweatshirt, if available...Erin-can you do an hour or so on the channel just reading us a bedtime story in your so soothing whisper....just perfect
I am the person who comments as I’m watching otherwise I will forget. And also I want my comments to be separate based on topic. So comment #1 is, and stated as a woman in the corporate world with many men, CT you say that you don’t buy that it’s “we’re women” and in the next sentence contradict yourself. I am not the sports world so I won’t pretend that I know shit I don’t. But this is a universal conversation. People pleasers (🙋🏻♀️) need everyone else to be okay so they can feel okay. It’s garbage. If we want to simply the conversation and make typical-gender-based, men do the same thing but it expresses differently. It boils down to codependency. I need you to be okay with my thoughts so you keep liking me.
Trust your own thoughts and opinions and let go of fears that you’re not enough. You are where you are for a reason. You are both excellent at what you do. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be employed. So step up and own your role- UNAPOLOGETICALLY!! Stop apologizing for existing and having the jobs that you have. For sure you both have been traumatized by weirdo people, and I absolutely acknowledge that. I know you are both strong humans and that your fathers are a pivotal part of that. You can be the leaders of this generation that knows one’s own worth based on merit. Fuck this idea that “it’s a man’s world.” Y’all have repeatedly said how awesome your teammates are and how amazing the players you interview are, that is the only gauge you should be using. You are part of the team because you have earned your spot and you are a consistent contributor to the team’s success. Because of who you are as a HUMAN independent of everything else. ❤
Reasonable expectations. Ask yourself: Is what the person is requiring of me to please them reasonable? Are the expectations I've placed on myself in order to please them reasonable? Swap shoes: Would you expect the same of someone if the roles were reversed? If someone you care about was in your position, would you think they're trying or doing too much for approval or not being treated fairly?
I'll do anything for those I love who appreciate it &/or would do the same for me. Beyond that, my own needs come first. If you don't know about, look into the 16 diff personality types & take the test. I found it very helpful to know my own traits, tendencies & way my brain processes info. The more I got into them, it helped me identify these diff types in those I know & am getting to know. (It's similar to the love languages if you know about those.) Maybe someone will find this helpful like it's been for me.✌️
Howie ❤ another great episode 🎉
Janet Lansbury " No bad kids. Toddler discipline without shame"
I had a seven day candle in glass that got at Fred Meyer(Oregon) shatter when it was about 2/3 done. Ever since, I place a seven day candle in a metal bowl about 8" around just in case.
I always say how AWESOME YOU BOTH ARE. You should be my therapist, if I could call you guys I would. LOVE YOU BOTH AWESOME AWESOME!!!😎
People are never happy unless if they have something negative to say. It’s pathetic. Those people get called “Karen’s “ or the middle finger.
hit send too quickly! Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay & Foster Cline. Old book, my kids are 32, 36 and 38. The world keeps changing and feels more complicated but love and logic will never change! Solid parenting advice! Hugs!
I have always been a “pleaser” type, but at the same time (in my younger years) was an AITA (yes I was 😮). But your thoughts and comments are very valid and something a very large number of us are dealing with.
36:50 This freaked me out & cracked me up at the same time. This is the exact convo btwn me & my husband not even an hr ago!👀☺️😲😆😁
Ok Erin, if I lose 2 months for every shot I take, I died almost 8,000 years ago. Cowboy up, girl.
1. Hair down
2. Whisky down
NFL preseason starts next month, can't wait to see you two beautiful women on live T.V
I gotta have an update to the ear wax removal process!
I thought a candle would just go out if it was to the end. Nope, the glass exploded and burned and warped the counter top. Luckily it stopped there. Never have I ever left one burning for an extended amount of time again. I learned the hard way.
IM A FAITHFUL PERSON THAT IS LISTENING TO YOUR PODCAST. BUT WHEN EXACTLY IS YOUR FULL PODCAST ?CAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH YOUR PREGAME WHICH IS ONLY 4-6 MINS LONG BUT WHEN IS THE ACTUAL ONE THAT HAS A FULL EPISODE OF YOU TWO? LOVE THE CLIPS BUT WANT TO SEE MORE FULL PODCASTS. CANT SEEM TO SEE WHEN YOU POST FULL EPISODES. I LOVE THE PREGAMES BUT MOSTLY ONLY PREGAME IS ON YOUR CHANNEL AND NOT
THE FULL PODCASTS. LOVE YOU GIRLS AND DONT WANT TO MISS ANY OF THEM BUT ASKING THAT THERE BE MORE FULL EPISODES. THANK YOU. ❤
To me, being a people pleaser is rooted in some kind of insecurity.
Professionally, you both are more effective if you can help make whomever you are interviewing more comfortable...any hint that you don't give a "F" will make you less effective...you need to be circumspect and you need to make your interviewee the center of the conversation and comfortable. In your personal life, it's a small step to becoming a people pleaser.
How cute is your house Carissa!
THIS CANDLE CONVERSATION. Did you tap into my psyche?!?!
Some curling irons will shut themselves off after a time
It's called an ear lavage (la-VAJJ). I also need them every 12-18 months.
Listen to Daveney free and well podcast or emotional badass with Nikki eiaenhauer
Both of them are on point with all of us people pleasers and highly sensitive people
**football is my favorite season**
Yay 🥳
1. Discipline- the child is pushing your buttons and you acquiesce just once the child has won and you will have to try 10 times harder to correct the issue! Kids are very smart that way, even at 1.
2 - Venmo: oh hell no, charge me for a play date. A child is never going back to that house (never, ever, ever 😂) but will meet you at the park and play with your kid outside (where they should be anyway! To many nice days are wasted inside. Us GenX’rs grew up outside getting water from the garden hose, and not coming in until the street lights came on!! 😂😂
Try bone conduction headphones like Shokz
What do you guys make of Louis rees zammitt the rugby player trying to make the chiefs squad, do you have any plans to interview him during the season
I am your damn therapist!!!❤😂
Forgive me… I am doing what. You guys talked about at the beginning. But…… I raised 3 boys under the age of 3 yrs. Boys are TOUGH to raise with an upper hand. I am 71 yr old grandma. 😂I learned early on that their bottoms are for popping. Diapers or not. The older they get it needs the sting a little😂so they don’t laugh at me when smacked on the but. Because they did. Soo I started saving my life a touch by giving them a choice by counting by mouth and fingers. 1-2-3 and the better be moving ( for the issue and toward my expectation ) by time I reached number three. Worked for me again at a wedding we went to, andiheld up my hand when they got my eye and just started 1-2-3 quietly with my fingers and wiggled my finger like come to me…come to me and it worked!!! For your little guy….they have to hav discipline. U concequences. Some times if he won’t allow you to stand where they were suppose to be by reading books….starting to scream and cry one of you may have to tell him you’ll leave and take him to the car while he is crying etc. for his diciplineing. He must understand his .
I agree. “Soft parenting” does not really work. There have to be definitive consequences starting at a young age. I am not advocating beatings like we got in the 60’s and 70’s, but a pop and loss of privileges!
New tradition for you….you need to come up with your vacation names. I’m Gizella and my man Steve is Stephanos.
I personally can’t keep my hands off my chin!
Taylor Swift knows how to put out a candle fire! Did you see the video of when they were writing "Us" 😂
Let him go. He may get interested in storytime later, but he's a boy. Let him run and play.
Oh honey! Both you honeys. ❤️
Keep talking to each other and being conscious of what you want to change. That’s the best path to better versions of yourselves. Finding a balance between people pleasing and being an asshole is not impossible, it just takes practice. Being committed to the process is everything. My friends and I (we’re all old af) say women in their 20s care about what everybody thinks of them. Women in their 30s stop caring about strangers. Women in their 40s struggle with the deepest stuff that keeps us stuck, and all that leads us to the Fuck You Fifties. 👍🏼 Relief is on its way, just keep working! (So far we haven’t named any other decades because we don’t have to.) 😂 Talking to a therapist can certainly give you better tools, because everybody has their own quirks that keep them stuck, and therapy is personal and specific. Here’s the best news: you can stop being a people pleaser, still be a loving human being, still have amazing friends, and you won’t die because you change your approach. 🥰🥰🥰
Erin - please, please, please get your hearing checked, NOW!
Ladies, please quit telling us we're sick of you or bored by what you're saying....if we were, we wouldn't watch.
Why is story time at the gym. Any kid wouldn’t sit with all surrounding them in a gym. Story time is for the library!
Fuck people’s feelings. Nope.
Yes if a candle is too low, the glass can explode!!! My ex is a firefighter ❤️🩹. I also loved all things about how you guys would think about if you forgot to shut something off or blow the candle out and you drive back home or obsess over all day. This is me. Also you gals are so relatable and so awesome.
"You can please some people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" Keyboard warriors are the lowest form of life. They get off causing others pain hiding behind a pseudo name. GRRRR
36:50 This freaked me out & cracked me up at the same time. This is the exact convo btwn me & my husband not even an hr ago!👀☺️😲😆😁