“BROKEN FAMILIES, SINGLE MOM EPIDEMIC, AND THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON THE WEALTH GAP (EP. 102)”
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- čas přidán 7. 02. 2024
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(EP. 102) “BROKEN FAMILIES, SINGLE MOM EPIDEMIC, AND THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE HAS ON THE WEALTH GAP (EP. 102)” Todays conversation we discussed an important topic that often gets overlooked in romantic relationships - honor and its significance for women.
In tough times, it is crucial for women to uphold their honor and to expect the same from their partner. Honorable women are those who have a strong sense of self-worth and have the courage to stand up for what they believe in.
Having honor in a relationship means being truthful, loyal, and respectful towards your partner. It also means setting clear boundaries and not compromising on your values.
In difficult situations, honor can be the foundation that holds a relationship together. It allows for open communication and promotes trust between partners. When both individuals in a relationship have honor, it creates a strong bond that can weather any storm.
Moreover, being an honorable woman also means not compromising on your self-respect. It is important to stand up for yourself and not tolerate any form of disrespect or mistreatment from your partner.
Women who have honor are not only admirable, but they also set the standard for how they should be treated in a relationship. So ladies, remember to always uphold your honor and expect nothing less from your partner. Thank you for watching!
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@duke @omar.bolden @just.Jalon
Intro song: @xaroc__ - Pledge of Allegiance
Very interesting conversation. Let me start by saying that I am a young African woman who has lived in Canada for 10 years now, but I spent most of my life in Côte d'Ivoire. I really don't know if Duke grew up in Nigeria, but I'm guessing he didn't, as he has a less than accurate view of the state of families back home. Our parents may be together, but believe me, families are broken from the inside. Our fathers have different families, they have several children out of wedlock, women discover they have sexually transmitted diseases while pregnant, our mothers are single mothers while married. My own father squandered his fortune just by pursuing different women and having several children. He didn't divorce my mother, because why should he? He was able to cheat on her, have several mistresses and have children outside the home in complete peace. In our culture, it's up to women to make their marriage work, or to consider their husband's indiscretion as a fault on their part. I have very good Nigerian friends and it's the same story. The values they talk about only apply when women want better, and let me tell you, there's a revolution going on over there. Yes, we haven't experienced slavery, segregation or drugs the way you have in the U.S., so the dynamics are different from continent to continent, but let me tell you, women's feelings are the same or on the way to becoming the same. The divorce rate in Côte d'Ivoire is rising. Millennial women are leaving their marriages. If you ask me, let these women divorce and be single mothers... As long as men and women (I'm talking mostly about men, to be honest) don't realize the great sacrifices involved in getting married and having children, in creating healthy families, society will keep on going to hell. African-American women are doing the best they can, and yet they seem to be the subject of so much criticism. I'm so afraid to have a child for the reasons mentioned here. The way the black community talks about single mothers when they're the ones who keep showing up - it's crazy.
This is an important, important comment. Families often stay together at the disrespect of the woman and the duty for her to swallow that disrespect. 😩
I am from Botswana and this comment is 100% true, actually society punishes you for leaving men.
Jalon was in his WISDOM BAG on this one. The level of emotional intelligence and security he has within himself is outstanding. I can tell he has a SECURE attachment and came from a good home. This is goals!
This conversation is very nuanced. I am a single mom but no one has ever asked what my journey was. The assumption from those who don’t know me is because I’m young I’ve had a child out of wedlock. Some of us are widowed, divorced, victims of domestic violence, etc…I don’t know any single mom who “chose single motherhood”….personally.
EXACTLY!! the stereotypes are sad
That part. They don't know. Have no clue.
Majority of women choose being a single mother when you allow a man to impregnate you without marriage. Being divorced or widowed is a small number compared to careless women who let careless men impregnate them
People tend to recycle the same generalized talking points when it comes to women a lot of times.
If it don’t apply let it fly 😌as a 28-year-old,looking at the parents today and the parents before us ALOT OF YALL KNEW DONT HAVE A BABY AND DARE NOT ANOTHER!🤣this is why many don’t want marriage 🤷🏾♀️ MOST of us don’t have family to leave to make anew
I think sometimes as single moms we feel attacked when these conversations are had. In reality I think the convos are needed, our bed is already made. I wish I heard these convos growing up, but this wasn’t my norm. However, If my child can hear these convos one day great! Or somebody’s teenage daughter to prevent single parenthood even better.
We honor this 🥃🥃🥃
I appreciate you for saying this, because reading a lot of the comments from women they totally took it left field, sadly… I don’t feel the men whatsoever came from a place of attack or judgment but from a place of really processing their experiences and what they’ve done their research in to better understand on love up women healthily. ❤
If you watch Netflix you get exactly what Duke is saying . I end up browsing and don't watch anything !😩😂. Too many options really isn't always a good idea for real.
Soooo damn tru. Real asf
Too many options don't mean good ones
Wow this conversation exposed how some of our parents was not this detailed with parenting. It’s something that Jalon said “ we are raising little big people to go out to be great big ppl” some of our parents think we are obligated or married to them. We are not and that is so pronounced in the black community! I don’t have kids yet but it makes me want to 1. Think twice on who your forming a union with 2. What are the views on family and kids do they align 3. Don’t settle! This are a great group of men you don’t hear a lot of men speaking in this manner, we need more.
🥃🥃🥃
Dallas
Create a healthy foundation of marriage and commitment first, then have a child. When you have a child out of wedlock, both parents are consenting to a possible broken home. There are 10+ ways to avoid pregnancies/unwanted pregnancies, men and women need to practice them. Us women need to also have more discernment when it comes to who we give access to our wombs. The men you have a child with has imprinted you for life. Children are a big deal and I hate that we don’t recognize that. Unhealthy relationships, hook ups and situationships are unfortunately the norm and they all lead to broken homes. The generational curse continues… we are doing such a disservice to those coming after us.
May we all find our way back to God’s divine order. 🙏🏾
As a 35 year old male without kids the topic of not wanting to have a child bouncing between houses hit home.
When I was a teenager it felt that I was getting uprooted every week and it was hard having to follow two different ideologies from my mother and father.
I want to have a unified front when I bring a child into this world and want to be sure that they see two parents loving one another on a day to day.
The end made me cry😭😭😭😭
I met my husband when I was 13. We got married when I was 18. I'm 41 now. I can't imagine losing him. He's my whole life.
Duke lit up about HONOR....that is very telling Ladies. For real I hear a lot of men echo those sentiments in my community!
A single parent might be able to raise a successful child BUT I can guarantee you that child has a lot of emotional issues and struggle in their adult relationships. They probably have abandonment issues; mental health issues due to trauma and much more. A lot of people are not well EMOTIONALLY even though they may have monetary success. Money cannot fill the void of a an emotional distant and physical absent parent
Can I just say that I LOVEEEE this podcast!!! Ya’ll always dropping gems, opening perspective and providing great examples on how to carry it all. This podcast is a true treasure
I just discovered you guys - you are amazing. Am sending you r videos to my twenty four year old son and oldest son. We are a French, Hispanic European family but everything you say, your values resonate with me as a mom. God bless you guys
The end of this episode almost had me knee-deep in my feelings! I love the fact that Duke pointed out there’s nobody that will take care of you like a daughter! Thats exactly how I feel about my parents & they know it! I love & honor my parents & truly hope to one day build a foundation like them so that I can take care of them the same way they still do for me at age 29!🩷
❤
from a single mother… thank you for having this hard to have & hard to hear conversation. i am worn out, exhausted, tired and struggling to be the perfect parent to my son so he can grow to be a great big person. it’s tough, and i don’t want to do it again i want to enter into a union where the man can show my son the things i can’t teach him… hopefully one day soon
Y'all should get Charleston White on here for these type of important conversations. Not his ignorant character but get him on here and get him to give his game. He has a valuable perspective on these type of topics that involve the dynamics of the black struggle. Great podcast fellas!
This was a hard conversation. Thank you for going there with the tough topics. Keep them coming. It's like therapy over here
I am thinking the same thing. Therapy is very expensive and I’m getting it for free! Thanks for enlightening my understanding.❤
This is such a great and very necessary conversation, thank you fellas!!!
I must say as someone who grew up with out a family and proper guidance. Y’all’s videos help alleviate and fulfill that void.
Thank you.
This episode was the perfect sequel to the last; so good and so reflective. And to Omar's point, as a (current) single woman, I do believe that I've reached my personal cap in reaching my potential by myself. And, to reach my next level, I believe I now need *my* partner --- and I'm looking forward to meeting him and going through that journey.
Enjoyed this. Glad the conversations still wholesome and entertaining at the same time.
Loved this episode! I was able to jot down questions I’d like to ask in my dating experience. Having the same mindset about family & relationship is so important!! I appreciate y’all for not being afraid to say what needs to be said.
"the plan" segment, chef's kiss. You articulated that so well Jalon. it really hit different when you said it like that. never really thought of it like that.def adding that to my list.
THIS IS A Banger episode!!
I think the conversation is very nuanced... I don't think any woman chooses or wants to become a single mother... The issue stems from being unable to find a man with true intentions, God fearing, ambitious, man that is in a position to lead and not cheat, beat, or be on the down low.
We have to be honest about the options that women have access to in our community when it comes to men... Black men. After you've been burned a few times, you stop opening yourself up to the same crap. Women are no longer willing to settle. I pray that more of our men start walking in their purpose so the black family can heal and be together.
So if a man is not of God, does not have true intentions, etc, why do women open up their wombs to him?
Thissss!!!
@stoiclover It goes both ways! A man knows if he has unprotected sex with a woman that it’s a possibly she can get pregnant. He should step up and be a real man and take care of the child just as the woman has to do!
@@brittanyb5942 that still doesn’t solve the issue, which is broken families and single parent homes.
So well said, I absolutely agree!
This chat was very much needed! I appreciate getting the conversation started to understanding and articulating well what you’ve come to understand “thus far” where it regards women! I’m grateFULL to see not the pointing of fingers at women but the talk of both parties taking accountability when you know you don’t recognize an area to pour more into ourselves to equip ourselves for more healthily and fuller relationships… rather than wasting time pointing the fingers at the next or talking about what your counterparts don’t understand ❤
Love this conversation. Thank y’all for what y’all doing.
This conversation was so nuanced and I truly love your perspectives. Not one lie was told and it’s so important for family structure to be strong. The illusion of options ruins the essence of where your joy is supposed to come from. I would absolutely love if you guys made your way to New York 🎉
Yet another great episode. Thank y’all so much. This podcast is for the culture and black love.
I love the content as always! The one that got me is “Honor in a Woman is vital” 🔥
Great episode. As a man who grew up in a single household there are certain things I didn’t see as a kid that could let you see life in one aspect than both sides. From a learning life lesson and loving/ caring standpoint.
I enjoy every conversation whether it applies or doesn’t apply!! Everything sounds like it comes from a spiritual place ❤
This was a great episode!!! Definitely a lot that needed to be said!
The concept of how partners speak to one another being the framework responsible for children to emulate, was so insightful. Please consider taking these presentations to south Florida.
This was an AMAZING episode. Could you guys do a video on attachment styles and how your different styles affect your relationships (good and bad). I think It’s imperative to understand each others attachment styles to understand relationships and how to navigate them and make them stronger
Amazing fellas! Thanks for the knowledge.
This has been my favorite episode so far!
Yo! I had this one in the "watch later" tuck lol Great EP! So good fellas! A gem in every min!
I want to take the time to commend and applaud you young men for being diligent to create change in your families. You have decided to stop broken cycles which will, in turn, be beneficial to the next generations. May God bless you with wisdom, like Solomon.
This episode was great. All of the perspectives were good. And I agree with Omar on “A MAN OR WOMAN in my opinion doesn’t reach their full potential being single 💯
And come to CHICAGO for live show 😅
This was a really good conversation! Come to the DMV when you guys start your tour!
This is sooo good, guys!👏🏾💪🏾
i can feel how much this is sad and painful, it's really a subject that nobody is proud of. i can feel how much we are ashamed of that
Appreciate you all for these conversations
Speak to us! 🙌🏽 Loved this
This is a very nuanced conversation. People have both parents and still missing something. Or aren’t the best people. Your parents can be together for a very long time and you rarely see your dad ever interact with your mom in a loving healthy way. Highly nuanced conversation. Maybe next time bring a therapist or a single mom
Gotta put the plan together… Jalon… thank you for your perspective 🔥🔥🔥
Great conversation fellas!
Please bring the tour to Charlotte, NC! 😊
Great discussion, was just caught but O discussing how as men we must fight (for family) , and I agree we must, but not from fear, anger, bloodshed, or foreboding…but based upon on understanding that as men when we strive, direct our intentions…fight let’s say…we have changed the face of this planet we live on…Men, and so have women, but I am speaking from my plateau…my view…have accomplished so many wonders, that prior to know one seemed possible or even felt able to be yearned for…in cultural, religion, science, education, philosophy….we have tremendous leadership, we have power to transform this world…so holding on to family, and working towards empowering the family as a institution- socially constructed- where-in everyone thrives is easily in our hands to do….Family should be a place where we all thrive, when it’s not let’s make the appropriate avenues…but don’t let exceptions deter family or ancestral obligations…your conversation is powerful..in many ways, your call to arms- so to speak should undertaken, as we know what our abilities to change this world are…powerful talk, courageous and true…bless you
Arranged marriages tend to last because the couple usually have less experiences to compare their relationship to, and they usually court and typically don’t rush into a sexual relationship. The U.S. is a country of greed. Most Americans value their own needs, it feels like most people here are selfish because that is what this country teaches us. I have hope that things will change.
This was a great conversation
This was too good!
Love the male perspective on these topics!
Thanks for sharing
So good! Admire you guys. “Baltimore”
Nice & Neat across the pond, London 🇬🇧🙏🏾
Duke always asks the good questions, I made my comment before he asked how much is the man's fault?
Excellent! Single dad here. I've already f$%ked up, but I am sharing it with my children. Shukraan! 😃
Great episode fellas 💪🏾
Great episode ❤
Going back and rewatching your guys podcast because I love them so much🤗 , I had a thought about women wanting to have kids without a partner. I think that stems from (those) women accepting the idea that they can provide everything for that child, out of fear that if they have a partner and a child, that the father (partner) would let them down. When they have accepted the fact that they don’t need a partner because of that reason. Having to rely on yourself because you don’t want to be let down by your partner, or your partner letting down your children. I think that just stems from choosing the wrong partner (a partner that reflects your ugly side, abandonment wounds from your father/parent and just overall trauma etc). Just my thoughts😊🦋
Great topic, not too many Lebrons from a single mothers households unfortunately...
Chicago in the house!❤
With regards to the impact of Slavery, the tactics of the Willie Lynch letter (wether the letter was real or not) have been used since slavery to not only put black people at odds with each other (crab in a barrel type) but separate black families.
Stockholm, Sweden or London, UK. Been promoting your podcast here!
Some men walk away from the child it’s not always on the Woman. A lot of women don’t want raise their children alone. If the other party does not want to be present then there’s nothing that can be done. Children can still have a Village where a male can be an example of how a man is. Family dynamics are different but it takes a village whether two parent or one parent.
This is true! My son’s father walked away not too long after he was born and we didn’t see him again for 3 years. I wanted us to be a family for life but he didn’t want them same 🤷🏾♀️
@@brittanyb5942 Exactly! We can have discernment and all of these things. Sometimes people can turn around and decide this is not for me. It’s too much. It happens. Then the woman bares the blunt of it all like it’s her choice. As woman we decide to raise our children in peace and create a safety net our children can grown up in! That void of not having a father is not always felt because of the love from the village surrounding that child.
Paused at 26 minutes:
The conversation about slavery and other things that played a part in division is spot on. But Im curious to know, have yall ever thought about women not being able to make their own income playing a part in our ancestors staying in a marriage as well? Our enslaved ancestors experienced the worst possible trauma and continued to create families. Passing down those traumatic experiences. I’m sure a lot of families experienced abuse physically and mentally inside the home, as well as outside. Men were abusive towards their wives and children because they’ve taken on the fact that they are the head of house. They may have unintentionally taken on the ways of slave masters. Also creating division between our families. Not physically but psychologically. So women were leaving marriages that didn’t serve them but somehow we were still growing the population and thus came the creation of abortion. (That’s another story) and then drugs and so on. It’s so many factors that were thrown at us to divide us. They made us believe we’re better apart than together and they did a heck of a job of convincing our people. The ultimate domino effect.
Wow black men were abusive to women and children because we were not head of house🤔. The color purple really was the worse thing to happen to blaxk women and did its job because without any proof you would make a general statement that our ancestors were abusive to women and children like they were monsters. That aside Asian women in America make more than every other woman and have the highest marriage rate and lowest divorce rate. The fact is the propaganda and Willie lynch syndrome worked and y’all for generation were taught to believe the worse in your men regardless of actual experience
Omar ya questions are fire
Y’all gotta come to NYC!!!!
Slavery happened everywhere, but not everyone went through Jim Crow/Civil Rights & then the drugs epidemic. They took away job options from men which led women to depend on the government or enter the workforce. Laws were created to force black women into work. This was strategically done, but it’s up to us to fix it.
I’m a Young Africa girl, being raised by a single mother. I will tell you it’s not easy at all, seeing my mom work 3 to 4 jobs just to make sure we’re not homeless and her not having time to spend at home with us just working and working. Her being a single mother was not by choice. Me seeing her experience, as a mother scared me not to have kids. My mom and dad were once married.
I think I missed something and would appreciate clarity….did Duke say he’s unaware of a divorced Nigerian couple then say that his parents didn’t stay together?
Please add Atlanta to your tour list !
Shout out to all the women in these comments who received these brothers perspective and not automatically resort to the typical rebuttal of “what about the men do”. 🙏🏾
Y’all gotta come to Chicago!
Please come to NYC. Home of the hustlers. I would definitely pop out
I love this podcast, which I why I tune in. I love that they’re actively trying to see things from different perspectives, although sometimes they may miss the mark. Historically speaking, yes we were physically separated, but let’s not forget that hypermasculinity has always been a threat to the female population. Around the time period Jalon points out the mental separation of the black family, is actually around the same time women began to receive rights as WHOLE human beings. Yes, there was welfare, but there was also access to education & sustainability. Because of American culture, women depended on men for everything (I even heard a song from way back in the day where the woman said “having a piece of a man is better than having no man at all”) - so regardless if he was cheating or abusive - she didn’t have much of a choice but to stay because “what goes on in this house, stays in this house”. Personally I don’t know too many women who would choose being a single mother over having a 2-parent household - but I do know plenty who would choose it over mental/physical abuse & toxicity. I am a single mother because of many reasons - mainly emotional manipulation - but ultimately because my child’s father just doesn’t care to actually be in her life. To know my history is to know it is not my fault, however it is my responsibility to make the best decisions going forward.
It is your fault and that’s the first step of doing better and healing because only you chose your child’s father. Assuming the divorce rate is 50% that is still a higher percentage than having a child out of wedlock and the man sticking around.
lol wow - I can’t even comment on how foul & completely wrong you are. I hope you heal whatever part of you that has you seeing things so short-sightedly. My best wishes to you🙏🏽🩷
@@jazminblair322 I’m not wrong or foul, every single mother claims emotional or physical abuse when in reality the majority of y’all have children out of wedlock so the man was never committed in the first place. Accepting that it’s your fault is the first step to the healing you’re talking about cuz you take back your power and autonomy. Or you can just keep believing that things are random and anybody can be a deadbeat father and there were no signs being ignored🤷🏾♂️
@@michaelmcfrI’m not sure why you see it fit to zone in on placing such harsh projections on me, especially considering you don’t know me. I will never understand why some men feel the need to profusely attack women on the internet at such alarming rates & act as though what you say is so finite. But that’s a journey you’ll have to walk through on your own. I don’t receive any of this negativity you’re attempting to project on me, I am not your enemy. Best wishes to you.🙏🏽🩷
This conversation is so damn necessary
Mannn I remember Jalon was my least fav when he was single but nowwww…he’s maturing 🙌🏽
Come to Cleveland, OH!!!!
New York or New Jersey. Love the show fellas
This is a great conversation in a society where it’s my body my choice- it’s also a woman’s responsibility to watch who she lays down with - ofc hindsight is 💯 but lack of accountability is wild - cannot control men but definitely can control who we chose to love or lust over despite the red flags - ofc there’s exceptions to the rule - but the rule stands - if that man is not willing or ready to make you his wife do not have children with him (there are legal and spiritual benefits to waiting till marriage with the right man) and duh ppl change - that’s why if God is not in the center of the marriage I don’t want no parts in it bc ppl can be fickle and shaky - being honorable takes time and patience while most wants insta-love / desire/ commitment 14:30
Live show in NEW YORK PLEASE!!!
A great book on this topic is Salvation black people & love by bell hooks specifically how love not being put at the forefront has affected black families
The way Jalon said “oh he lost his girl”
Can you guys also come to Honolulu, Hawaii during your tour? They always have flight deals on Hawaiian Airlines or Southwest 😭
It is very difficult,sadly sometimes it is what the mother has to do for the safety of herself & the children.
They don’t miss!!! Take my MONEY 🗣️duke hit on the honor aspect
Other cities might be more exciting but Detroit needs you
Atlanta, Ga 🔥
Come out to Toronto!!
exactly, if God wanted us to raise children by ourselves, why would he make the process need the two
Also, I think it’s important to note that women get pressured into having kids. Literally get told that they aren’t valuable if they don’t have kids despite the huge responsibility.
Atlanta, GA
Really got a lot from this episode
No more SHAME
no more STANDARDS
Yes I remember when I was shamed/corrected by the pastors wife at my church for having a baby out of wedlock. The shame was so bad I never had another child again!
Charlotte, NC 👑👑👑👑👑
There's no loyalty. 😢
You should discuss what wifey and husband material is