SPILLING THE TEA ON ALL MY THERAPISTS
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 7. 09. 2024
- To all the therapists I've seen before. I've been going to therapy for nearly two years now and it's something I'll always prioritize. I'm so happy with the therapist I have now HOWEVER it took me a long time to find the right one. In this video I chat about all the therapists I've seen and explain what I didn't like and what I learned. Hopefully this video can help anyone who's searching for a therapist and encourages you to not give up.
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To all the therapists I've seen before... I wanted to sit down and chat about my whole journey on finding the right therapist for me. I would love to know your guys' therapy experiences in the comments below. n_n
Started seeing my school's therapist this year for stress... a lot of it is just me ranting about my life, but after hearing this I want to start to improve myself instead of just ranting :)
to all the therapists before - thank u, next ^~^
Thank you so much for making this video Jenn! You really nailed alot of points which gives me so much more clarity now! đ
I really loved this video Jenn, if you would enjoy making a few more I'd gladly watch them. However I also find it important to let you know that you don't have to open up if you don't want to. You're also allowed to keep a few things to yourself. :)
Thank you for this video!! I really enjoyed watching it and I enjoy the further ones you'll make.
Lots of love from Belgium!
Thank you for this
Iâm a therapist, and I ALWAYS tell new clients not to give up on finding a good fit! Itâs like any relationship - good chemistry is so important!! I ask clients to let me know if they feel weâre not a good fit, and I will happily find them a better one. Thatâs more important than client retention for me â€ïž
Yess! Thank you for this. That's great that you're so clear with your clients!
Iâm training to become one, and yes this! I have so many friends complain about their therapists and Iâm always confused why more donât offer them this, I just assumed itâd be standard :/
BeyondBrii I agree! I just want my clients to get help - I donât care who itâs from!
@@moochie719 i'm currently seeing a therapist but i feel like we're not a good fit. i've been grudgingly going because i don't really know how to tell her that i don't want to continue this anymore. what is the best way to go about this?
Sara Bak Iâm sorry to hear that! My first suggestion is to talk about it openly with her. She may not realize it or may be holding back for some reason, and sometimes an honest conversation can actually deepen the relationship. Maybe something like, âI wanted to talk to you about something before we start today. Iâm realizing that I donât feel very connected to you, and Iâm not sure why.â And then let her ask follow up questions. Therapy *should* be a safe place to disagree and talk openly about the therapeutic relationship. If she isnât willing to talk it through, I would say go ahead and move on to someone else. If you are able to have a good conversation and you still feel the same way, I would ask her for referrals. It may be uncomfortable for her, but thatâs her job. I hope thatâs helpful!
I am a Korean-American clinical psychologist and I want to thank you for posting this. I love hearing the clientâs perspective and how theyâre experiencing the intense change they are investing in. Additionally, thank you for touching on the topic of multicultural issues and how finding a therapist who is culturally competent is so important. I am so glad to hear you found such a great match! Thank you for posting this!
It's so strange that therapist #2 suggested you cut ties with your parents. Im a psychology student and one of the things they teach us is that we have to understand the client's culture. There are things that seem "strange" but are completely normal in a different culture.
Also, as a Mexican-American, I completely understand the feeling the you have about your parents. I owe my parents EVERYTHING. They risked everything to get me and my sisters here and we have such a better life for it. I can literally never repay them and it's not a negative thing.
It is a negative thing when that creates negative emotions in you. Such as guilt, feeling less than, not ever good enough, emotionally blackmailed; in essence, when it become toxic and detrimental to your health and well-being.
Right? I felt all of the therapists she spoke about before the last were quite insensitive and didnât seem to take the time on getting to know her other than wanting to push their own views and solutions.... seems like they may need a bit of help too lol
I agree therapist #2 demonstrates how to not do counselling or therapy, honestly she could've gone towards placing boundaries here and there but her solutions were extreme and unhelpful for anyone to cope long term. Amazing and informative video love it xxx
I guess it's not literal.đ Cutting ties just means you don't have to carry a heavy burden just because they are your parents. I'm an Asian-American and I'm on a therapy, dealing with the guilt, feeling like I'm owing everything as if like life debt. It's a really strong, never-ending feeling related to our culture more than in others. This was one of the reasons I've started having panic attacks and anxiety. I think her therapist #2 tried to persuade her in a wrong way. Pushing her too hard.
I agree with you it's not a negative thing we just need to refocus our mind.
Diana GRM THANK YOU for saying that. I think cultural diversity is certainly something lost sometimes in counseling. Counselors (and friends) tend to be culturally homogenous in their advice; itâs like only one culture is right and a person needs be culturally American to be considered healthy.
Iâve never seen a video like this, love this type of quality content! đđ
Yay! Thanks for clicking on it!
@@imjennim would love more of these !
I'm Vietnamese and was verbally/emotionally abused my whole life and my parents used their struggles and sacrifices as justification for the abuse, so being told by a young Vietnamese therapist and an older Chinese psychiatrist (both female) that it's not my fault that I'm not the child that they envisioned having, that I don't owe them anything, and that it's understandable to cut ties with them was actually a relief. I don't see myself cutting them off. I love my parents and I'm thankful for what they've done for me, but it was damn near not worth it.
FatBestialSwan I totally feel you. Of course I am grateful to my parents for sacrificing a lot for their children and always putting us first. I DO really think I owe them a lot, however this doesnât mean I owe them everything. It was still their decision to get children. I know I am lucky to have parents that dedicated their live to raise us, however especially my mother uses this against us now in order to somehow ËblackmailÂŽ me (as I am the youngest out of four children). If I donât agree with something she says or donât do something she wants from me, I am always the ungrateful daughter. She uses this behavior a lot to suppress me, which is also one of the reasons why I feel so responsible for all the problems within our family. So both of my therapists made it clear to me that I need to untie myself from my parents and I totally get why also your therapist suggested it to you. Of course, maybe this doesnât seem to be a huge issue to you, so your therapist should have listened more to whatâs really bothering you in your life, but her advice in general was not totally unreasonable. Good luck to you on your journey of self-healing
So did you cut ties with us parents? I am German Vietnamese and my mum has luckily been never any kind of abusive before (except some harmless ass slaps xD) so my dumbass head thought that other children of asian immigrants don't have a big problem with their parents
finding a therapist of color is super important. i remember having white therapists that kinda looked at my life as a south asian as "strange" and just couldn't understand at all. it made me feel extremely uncomfortable and as if i'm misrepresenting my culture someway because of my personal traumas which gave me even more anxiety. i found myself explaining more about my culture and how it works rather than healing. finally, i found the perfect fit and she was a person of color!!! im so glad you found the perfect therapist for you :)
very true! this very issue makes me want to go and get my masters. there aren't enough of us in this field!
So incredibly important!
So true!!
Thanks for opening up and sharing about your experience!! Itâs really helpful. Also admire how much you prioritize your mental health đđ
My favourite youtuber commenting on my other favorite youtuber đđ, the world is really round đ. You are one of my biggest inspiration! You have no idea how much you hav helped me through times when i felt hopeless đ. Thank you so much aileen đđ
Oh hey... didn't expect to see you here. I love your videos. đ
wow - I canât believe the 2nd therapist told you to cut ties with your family. I would have had the same reaction as you as an Asian American!
Yeah... I was PISSED.
saaame!! being half Korean I believe family is SO IMPORTANT
I would have the same reaction like "is you crazy", I probably wouldn't believe her but I'm hispanic and family is very important to me as well!
Dude I'm totally white from scandinavia and I would've been totally pissed as well, family is important, that therapist was weird!
i was soooo shook when you said that. i could never
Hey jenn! As a psychology student, this video rocks! Itâs REALLY important for people to know what a journey it is, since a lot of people give up on their first try. Sometimes the therapistâs approach doesnât match you and/or your needs, but there are SO many to choose from. The more people know that, the better, cause we all know how it can help and heal.
As a psychology student, I 100% second this !
Yeah I majored in psychology too, and I remember learning that the relationship, or rapport you have with a therapist is almost more important than the advice or tools they give you in your sessions. I've forgotten a lot since I graduated lol but that stuck with me
Also, as a psychology student, this is 100% true!!
Please make more videos on this topic and about your experiences! I feel like we have some similar life experiences and similar ways of dealing with our issues (rationalizing events to process them effectively). I love that you have 2 years of therapy experience and a year of consistently seeing the same one, so talking about your experience would be a great insight for your audience :)
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Jenn, ahhh I'm in the process of finding a therapist and your story of your first therapist is the exact same thing I'm kind of going through right now. Felt really nice to hear you have the same thing. Ending really abruptly left me feeling really on edge, and then not being able to see her again for awhile, and overhearing my therapist ask the woman at the front desk who I was, did not feel good! in the process of trying to find someone else. Thanks for sharing this video though it's so helpful for all of those out there interested! and therapy is such an important thing!
yes yes yes yes yES YES YES YES!! More mental health videos for sure!!! They really do help people not feel alone in their mental health struggle.
Yes..thank you sharing. I have never seen content like this. I have been curious about seeing a therapist for quite some time. Just to have in my tool belt. And my daughter who is PhysD told me I should. Lol. I have been to one before and he wasn't good fit and I just was totally turned off and didn't have the energy to try again. But it is something I should value u more and make a priority.
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yes!
+ totally agree! please more videos!
We need more mental health videos Jen. This was SO eye opening and I find it very heartening that you were willing to share all this with us it really helps to know that we arenât alone in all of this
Hey thanks so much for doing this episode Jenn! I am an Asian American therapist in training and it's really encouraging to hear this from you :) Also, just to validate your experiences it's been confirmed that Asian clients have a higher success rate with a therapist that are also Asian (through research)
Red flags with therapists are so important to understand. I went to therapy once and told them about the issues I was having in my life. Instead of being there for me they just said âthat sucks I donât know what to sayâ and moved on form that. This happened years ago but the moment has stuck with me in a negative way but has also helped me understand how I want a therapist to interact with me. My advice is to stick with your gut. If it doesnât feel right it probably isnât
I'm studying to be a therapist and OMG this is so insightful. It's really refreshing to see what the client's point of view is because all I'm seeing now is just the therapist's POV while in this therapy program in school. I would love to see more mental health videos! I loved hearing the pros and cons of each therapist you saw. Some of them are do's and dont's that I'm learning rn. Love your content always and i'm so glad you found the right fit! There is a need for more Asian American therapists and I hope to change that in the future.
I'm studying psychology and a few of my professors let us know that when you study therapy it can also be super useful to follow some therapy yourself. To indeed, as you said, get the other point of view. Just dropping it here as a small suggestion for you. ^^
But feel free to completely ignore it if it doesn't feel right to you!
Good luck with your studies!!!
More mental health! Make a video on said "repercussions of having a display profession". You said display profession and I had to pause the video because I had never heard it be called that. Real talk about how having your life online has had an affect on your life both positively and negatively. I'd love you hear you dive into the nitty gritty because I feel like we all feel like that "influencer" life would be so grand when in fact in IS a profession and it is work and like any job it can take a toll on your mental health. I also like hearing about your struggles with anger. I think your vlogs definitely maintain a positive tone, but I struggle with anger a lot, as well as FOMO and comparison being a normal digester of youtube, and sometimes I watch your vlogs and they don't make me feel good about myself- HOWEVER whenever you dig in about your feelings, it feels so much more genuine and personable. Like yeah, she just a normal person trying to figure it out- like me. ("Celebrities- they're just like us" lol) OH ALSO- on this topic, I have a movie recommendation; watch Ingrid Goes West on Hulu. It's wild and but I think you'll find it super relative.
Not related to the video but that pink sweater is so pretty, and looks so good on you!
Aww thank you! n_n
Does anyone knows the brand? Bershka has a similar one, but the pink looks different I think đ
I wanna know where can I get that sweater too!
@@imjennim Where is the sweater from?
Yes the sweater is so cute!! also wanna know where it's from ^-^
As an Asian American therapist myself, I agree that sometimes clients just need to take the risk to shop around before they find a good fit. Finding a therapist who understands your culture (not just ethnicity) is very important. The key here is that the client will work on goals that he/she establish. I'm glad you found one that lets you explore your own goals. These days a lot of clients want to get therapy to get a solution or answer from their therapists. Doesn't work that way. A lot of people want instant gratification. Thanks for sharing!
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I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at 14, and my mom tried to find me a therapist. The first two I met with both made me bawl my eyes out, but not in a cathartic way whatsoever. One was a heavier, older woman, with bright pink, recently tattooed eyebrows. She only ever talked about her own problems with her boyfriend and her dog. It was as if I was HER therapist. She hardly took anything I said seriously, and then threatened to have me taken from my parents, solely because I didn't feel comfortable trying medication just yet. It took me 2 years after that to find a therapist who I clicked with. I never ended up needing medication; talk therapy alone with the right person worked wonders!!
Wow that first therapist sounds awful. >__< I'm so sorry you had to go through that especially at such a young age. ): I'm glad you found a therapist you clicked with in the end!
Dude, I watch this and I realise how freaking lucky I am. I was having really BAD anxiety issues and I went to see a therapist. First session, I've spent 2 hours just talking with her. Imediately clicked with her. She's a strong and bright woman that lived so much and she really cares about me, kick my butt if needed and remember things of our early sessions - 1,5 year ago. I'm so happy you did not quit and managed to focus on your mental health and found someone good!
Jenn never disappoints, this is QUALITY content! đ I hope the CZcams community continues openly talking about those subjects, because I feel like we're slowly getting to the mental health representation we deserve. Always so proud of Jenn for not giving up and for all your progress!
âI love being able to support her because she supports meâ You have such a beautiful mind, Jen.
This feels so genuine, and I appreciate it so much.
This video made me so emotional. Having struggled with my mental illness my whole life and never having found resources for an individual therapist, it makes me so happy to see how it has helped you. Iâm truly moved by this. I feel empowered to speak to my psychiatrist honestly about it. Thank you, Jen. You remain one of my favourite places on CZcams and I always reflect on what you say! Please keep talking about mental health. Itâs so so helpful.
As a multiracial asian, this helped so much Jenn. I'm going to grad school soon to be a therapist. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable on screen. Mental health awareness for the win.
As a future therapist, I'm in therapy myself and exhaustion and crying are my prominent reactions. I wish sessions were longer. It often does take a long time to find a good client therapist relationship, it's dependent on chemistry, techniques, and their therapy approaches. Sounds like you were really active in your sessions which is great! Sessions should always be about the client! Never about the therapist.
For those looking for one, see if your prospective therapist has exposure to multicultural background. This may be helpful for those who come from certain backgrounds, so they understand your cultures values and origin in the very basic sense.
Congrats on finding a therapist Jenn!
Sounds like your therapist follows the person centered therapy style, meaning you lead the sessions and she follows and guides you when you get stuck. âș
Hi Jenn! As someone who is getting a degree in social work I am aware of the struggles people go through finding a therapist and relating to them. Currently I counsel middle and high school students and find it very gratifying when they build rapport with me and in turn teach me things as well. Everything you said about finding a therapist is so important and I'm glad the one you stuck with could give you everything you needed to hear and guide you to your own solutions. Also an an Asian American myself, being culturally competent is so sooo necessary when working with all clients not just people of color. I'm very happy for you and wish you wonderful healing and journey full of growth đđđđ
I remember listening to your podcast with dumbfoundead about your therapist and thought it was so interesting. I'm glad you made a whole video cuz this was really helpful and insightful!!
Ahhh thanks for listening to the podcast with Dumb! :D
She has a podcast?
YEAH! SHE HAS A PODCAST?
An K Tran she was a guest on dumbfoundeads podcast! It was a really good episode though, you should watch/listen :) (itâs posted on yt)
I just started seeing a therapist. Where I live, I don't really have a lot of options, so I can't shop around. This video was very good and for some reason I started to cry towards the end. Maybe it's just hearing that someone else - someone I admire - has had or is having a similar experience to me and is also seeing a therapist. Thank you so much for sharing this!
im so glad you're talking about this, a lot of ppl talk about going to therapy but never mention the work tht goes into finding a good therapist.
Yes! I feel like a lot of people are chatting about therapy which is great, but I wanted to dive deeper about my experience!
I enjoyed your feedback Jenn! As a therapist it helps to hear from a client's point of view what is helpful! It encourages me to be sensitive to my clients needs. Being a marriage and family therapist we are required to go to therapy to empathize with our clients and manage our own biases.
Your current therapist sounds so lovely and inviting. So glad that you found her and vibe with her the way you do!
Yess, we're in a long and committed relationship!
Thank you so much for this. I struggle with depression and anxiety and my first therapist was not right for me. He used my cultural background as a reason for why I am the way I am, and then told me to watch a ted talk. I felt humiliated and helpless since then and never considered therapy again and Iâve been struggling for so, so many years. This really helped me realize it takes time and patience to find the right one. Thanks for being open about this topic Jenn.
I really appreciate the honesty and the courage it took to share such a personal journey. Well-being of the mind is so undervalued in our society. It goes neglected. I will take time to take care of my mind and heart and pass along the compassion to my surroundings. Thanks Jenn! Well done!
Hi Jenn! I just wanted to say thank you for this incredibly insightful and encouraging video. Iâm a Korean-American female, currently in grad school to become a therapist. To be honest, itâs been so difficult and Iâve questioned my ability to be an effective therapist countless times, especially as a woman of color. But youâre video reminded me of why Iâm in this field. I hope to be able to positively effect my future clients as much as your current therapist has positively effected you. Thank you again for encouraging me to continue fighting for my license!
I first saw a therapist when I was around the age of 12. My parents decided to take me to one because I was dealing with depression, anger, and anxiety. At that time, I hated the whole idea of therapy. Being fully open and speaking to someone I did not personally know about my issues was something that terrified me. Being so young, I didnât understand the benefits of therapy. As you said, itâs so important to find a therapist that you feel is right for you. Iâve gone to see other therapists in my teenage years, but never really found âthe oneâ. The whole experience left me very incomplete and have even made myself think that maybe therapy wasnât for me. Iâm in my mid 20's now, and am still a bit traumatized about trying therapy again, but this video gave me that push to want to try again. I know the process of searching for a therapist wonât be so easy, but I know it will be worth it if I donât give up. Thank you so much for this video Jenn!
Hi Jenn! I'm a psychologist and I have been a fan of yours for many years, so when I saw the title of this video I was really curious to hear about your experiences with therapy and I must say, you did a wonderful job at listing all the criteria needed to find a good therapist. You pretty much listed all the points I always give to people when they ask me how to look for a good therapist. Also, thank you for not the discrediting the profession, even though you've had bad experiences. I'm so proud of how you bring awareness to mental health and that seeking professional help is totally normal. I hope you find what brings you peace of mind and happiness
We really don't talk enough about mental health in the asian community, and I'm so glad you found the right therapist! Although I'm sure all most, if not all, therapists are trained to treat patients from different cultures and backgrounds, there's just something about personally sharing the same experiences. and the asian-american experience is a very complicated one.
Jenn, I really appreciate how open and how well spoken you are with your experiences. Itâs such an enjoyment and insightful to watch!
Yes more mental health videos please! I started looking for a therapist, but never got a call back from my provider. đ i know I need to go though. Itâs something that I think will positively impact my life once I do it. Youâve inspired me to keep up with it and try again to get my first session.
As someone who always watches beauty videos every single day .. Itâs been getting exhausting to me to watch beauty videos after beauty videos when even though I love all things beauty, my mental health has been deteriorating and I so wanted a video that addresses on that .. so it means a lot seeing a CZcamsr that I follow talk about these things and not some 40 year old random doctor talking about symptoms of diseases. Thank you Jenn â€ïž
Man, I just spend the past 2hours watching videos on psychotherapy, finished and decided to go back to studying for tomorrowâs exam and I get Jennâs therapy video?! Ohhhh boy I will be staying up all night lol
Wow! Just in time! Hahhaha!
Jenn, I just wanted to say thank you for making such an important video and being so open and NOT succumbing to the betterhelp promo scheme and making money off of your viewers' need for mental health support. I think describing your journey through different therapists and what worked and didn't work for you is going to be so helpful to the viewers who would like some counseling but aren't sure what to look for, how to go about it and what to expect. And you still managed to keep some privacy despite giving us all a good overview of why you felt the need to speak to someone. I am really proud of you for making this video! :)
Whoops my English-- I thought that you were gonna talk about an incident where you actually spilled tea on the therapist đ€Ł I can't wait to watch the whole vid!!!! Jenn's vids are always spirit-liftingđ
LOOOL! It's not that kinda tea! Hehehe! n_n
omg sameđđ°
Me too and then it clicked đ
I APPRECIATE THIS TALK. FINDING A THERAPIST IS A JOURNEY AND WANTING TO CHANGE IS A STRUGGLE. Highly encourage people to watch if they are thinking about counseling/therapy!! It took me awhile to find one but yes I found an Asian American therapist (woman) and it makes A HUGE difference because they understand cultural norms
As someone who is thinking of doing a counselling and therapy masters after my current degree this was really helpful to see what works and doesn't work. I can't believe how some of your therapists were, I can't imagine most people finding those experiences comfortable or helpful.
Please make more videos like this. I struggle with mental health issues and it is an amazing thing when you realize youâre not in it alone. I think this video is so great because it is helping to break down the stigma against mental health when someone with your platform speaks about mental health so candidly. Thank you for this!!
I have definitely been told the same thing about cutting ties with my parents in therapy. I remember feeling totally misunderstood and dismissed by my therapist. I kind of gave up on finding a therapist that fits my needs because I felt hurt by that experience. I am so happy to know that you've found a good fit after persevering. Good for you!!!
thank you for going in depth about a topic that's not really discussed on youtube! a lot of people turn away from therapy because the first therapist they saw didn't work for them, so it's really vital that people know how much time it can take to find the right one. if i had given up after my first bad experience, i wouldn't have found the amazing counselor i have now. i'd love to see more videos about mental health! your videos have always been super informative and genuine â€
omg jenn you are GLOWING and i love love love the pink sweater !! âšâš
Aww thank you!!
I love how raw you are in this video Jenn and I totally agree about spending your earned money on things that make you feel fulfilled in life. I made a video called 28 lessons I learned on my own channel talking about the lessons I've feel like I've intook the most in my 28 years of life and wanted to share with others so we are open to not feel worried about the challenges we find solutions to, not always easy but they are there.
Love you and I think think you should continue to share your videos.
I related to your fourth therapist experience so much. My therapist also lets me lead myself to my own conclusions and encourages me to try and work out my problems for myself. I also love the therapy space as being a private, âme timeâ zone, where I can vent without feeling like Iâm burdening or hurting the person Iâm talking to. Itâs so liberating to not feel guilty about expressing my feelings and frustrations. I love your description of it being like a zip-lock bag, sealed away from everything else. I was lucky enough to click with my first therapist and really achieved a lot during my first year with her. Iâm now seeing her assistant while sheâs on maternity leave and this has allowed me to see the benefits of a different kind of therapist, kind of gently pushing me to make the decision to part ways with my first one, something sheâs gently prompted me to consider before (the idea being that her kind of therapy isnât a long term arrangement but one where you can take the ideas home and work on them yourself without a need for a therapist). Iâve also seen a psychiatrist to get a clearer picture of what is going on in my head and give me a foundation to base my treatment on. Having had therapy, itâs something I definitely see as being a part of my life, to the point where Iâll budget to have a spare âtherapy fundâ so that I can see someone whenever Iâm in need of it. I thoroughly enjoyed this video and would love to see more mental health chat-style vids, if youâre up for sharing đ
I love this video so much because I've also been through (at least) 4 therapists and lowkey felt like it was MY problem that I didn't really make progress until I started seeing my current one. we totally don't talk enough about how important it is to find the right therapist who fully clicks with you. thank you for sharing! :)
Hey Jenn, I never comment on videos, but I've watched yours for years now. Today was a bad day-I felt like no one would hear me. Then I came home and watched your video. I relate to every. thing. you. said. And I feel heard. Thank you †You've come a long way and I want to thank you for sharing your journey with us đ
Also thanks for giving me that final push! I'm gonna try therapy again-this time with an Asian American woman, without the guilt of feeling racist/sexist.
As a psychology studentI have to thank you, thanks for sharing your experiences so openly.
The timing of you posting this video is SO crazy to me because I very recently (maybe like 3 months ago?) decided to go to therapy for the same reasons. It actually got to a point where I was so stressed and anxious that I had to become hospitalized. Since then, I've already switched therapists once because I just wasn't clicking with the first one. One of my therapists actually told me the exact same thing, she said "you don't owe your mom anything". Which for me kind of took some pressure off but at the same time I know there will never be a time where I don't want to help her and take care of her. I think for me realizing the difference between having an obligation and actually WANTING to take care of my parents was really helpful and relieving for me. Overall I'm finding this whole journey to be super exhausting but seeing this video gave me so much hope, so thank you for posting it! So much love for you :))))
I really enjoyed this video. As a new therapist, I was a bit apprehensive when I saw the title because I was unsure of what to expect. Unfortunately not everyone is this field is anti-oppressive, but thank you for speaking your truth and sharing your experience. It takes a lot of vulnerability and courage to share these things - and Iâm also really glad you found someone that fits! I know it inspires me to keep taking care of myself and I hope others are impacted to do the same. Iâve been a long time follower and I love the new content you keep putting out. Much love!!
Iâve started seeing my own therapist about two months ago, and itâs been helping me so much. As a university student whoâs going through some mental challenges it is such a relief to have somebody to talk to who doesnât have any ties with you at all - plus, sheâs Asian-Canadian like me, and sheâs not too much older than me so I feel like she understands my struggles. My only problem is this anxiety I have that I canât fully explain everything in the time we have, or I forget to say something crucial, or that the long term issues I have wonât ever be solved with therapy and that theyâre just a part of me I have to accept. But I guess only the future will tell! Thank you Jenn for this video! Weâd love more talks on mental health
Iâm so glad that you released this video and I came across it. I got my first therapist last year, years after I got diagnosed with PTSD. I didnât have insurance until then. I had PTSD from physical child abuse for 22 years, and I started having nightmares/sobbing in the middle of the night. I had insomnia and was too scared to sleep. Plus, Iâm Asian American, and i was torn between filial piety and knowing that my parent has tried to kill me countless times. My first therapist had no clue how to treat PTSD, my second was this âMean-Girlsâ-esque gay guy who didnât want to work anymore, and my last was a black woman with soothing voice that listened to me. She let me cry, but also talked everything through. Itâs so terrifying meeting new therapists bc of the fear of being judged but itâs so rewarding when you find the right one. Everyone deserves to heal.
How could she not remember you? That makes the entire thing pointless since she obviously won't remember any of the thing you told her. How do you make progress with that? Huge lack of professionalism...
Iâve been thinking about therapy for a while, but i think i have some uncouncious stigma buried deep down (one of the issues I want to resolve) and this video has made me bite the bullet and actually WANT TO CHANGE! Thank you so much for this video, itâs little videos like this which can really change peopleâs lives! đđđđ
I think Therapist #4 never telling you what to do is the different between professors who shove their ideas down your throat and professors who encourage your ideas. Iâm majoring in architecture and I love my professors who have multiple suggestions that I can work and iterate from and develop new designs from whereas the professors who only help you build off of one idea or just own straight up give you their designs really frustrate me because I want to design and be creative my way, not follow their idea for a good grade.
From a masters psychology student, it's called guided discovery! I'm glad you and Jenn find it more helpful and impactful when the therapist/professor guides you to make your own decisions rather than just telling you what to do. Our course taught us the importance of guided discovery and Socratic questioning (which teachers also use) so it really made me feel uncomfortable when the earlier therapists had their own solutions/agenda.
Carmen Thank you for telling us about this concept! I never knew about this and I hope Jenn gets the chance to read about it! Sometimes the lack of concreteness/structure is a bit frustrating, but in the end it makes my sleepless nights more enjoyable when my decisions influence the design. đ
Carmen and my friend is studying psychology too so Iâll bring this up to her!
@@naomischeung Yes the satisfaction at the end is well worth it !
@@naomischeung Awesome! I'm studying psych in Australia, I wonder if its different in other countries. Is therapist the same as a psychologist in the states? Would love to know :)
It's great finding the valuable qualities you feel a therapist needs to have in order to best help you. For me, my first therapist was an older, white male. I thought I couldn't connect with him at all but he was also a pastor and although I'm not Christian, I found it extremely helpful to have someone who is religious and could help me see the connections I needed between our religions. Like a non-religious therapist would not work for me and a super religion-pushing therapist wouldn't have worked either. The balance is what I need. I'm still looking for my right therapist but this video makes me feel more encouraged to keep looking. đđđđ
I really love this, I've been meaning to just make the appointment and see this therapist for the first time for a year now I can't build the courage as I don't know what to expect, and maybe I'm a little nervous/ scared? but I'm really gonna try to just pull through and go!! â€ïž I know it will really help me!
BlondeHilton I was the same way! I finally did it this summer and Iâm so happy I did
I work for a mental health program and learned a bit about dos and don'ts (or can'ts) of therapy. So hearing about your first therapists pushing solutions into your face was somewhat a shocking thing to hear. You definitely have found yourself a good therapist though! (from what you've shared at least) They actually shouldn't be telling you what to do (like cut ties with your family). They can only make suggestions, and it's really up to you to decide what to do. Only when you make and decide your own solutions will be when they work the best. I think it's awesome that you recognize that you have to be willing and ready for therapy and change for it to work cuz it's totally true. Can't wait to hear more about your experiences with mental health in the future. :)
Hey Jen! I've watched you mature on youtube through clothes encounter. I relate to you a lot. I'm Japanese Italian, and I live in LA now too. Definitely keep putting out more content on mental health, please. I've been going to therapy since I move to LA four years ago, and now I am with therapist number 4 and really happy since March. SO MUCH PROGRESS. Hypnotherapy, Reiki, memory, and really going in deep is so essential.
a lot of my friends started to see a therapist after they've seen me heal through the years. I think being open about our experiences as humans really make a difference. I think you're different from other CZcamsrs or influencers to me because you speak about these topics. It helps to feel less alone in a world where we are all busy trying to win this game of life and forget to be kind to one another. much love.
My therapist also suggested cutting ties with my family, also as in âyou owe them nothingâ
But more for a âyou owe NOBODY a thingâ in order to help me with my guilt issues. Iâd love to say it actually helped...but my guilt won and im back in my hometown...therapy is definitely a very personal thing and advices never work the same way. Im glad you listed to your gut and cut ties with the therapist who was not working for you
you have no idea how much you helped me with this video jenn . you are so real and honest and like you truly care about who you are as a person and i love that thank you so much for being you
This means so much to me to hear you talking about setting boundaries (something I personally struggle with) with your own therapy! You have been such an inspiration to me for so long now as a woman who is afraid to mess up but shares her experiences anyway and thatâs so brave đ Thank you thank you thank you
Also INVESTING IN YOURSELF YESSSSS! Itâs so hard not to feel guilty about it but this is so important, thank you for reaffirming this for me x
Hey Jenn, ever since Iâve started watching you years ago, your videos always showed an unimaginably perfect life filled with infinite happiness. But as you posted this video today, Iâm glad that youâre opening up about your personal life and mental health. Iâm happy that youâre showing me that your life isnât always perfect and that even the people who seem to have it all together need help too. Thank you Jenn, love you!
Hey Sabrina! Thanks for being so sweet and kind. My channel is a place where I put my highlight reel, but I'm wanting to share different facets of me. My life is amazing, but I am not immune to sadness, anger, and struggle. Everyone no matter where they are is/has been going through something.
Jenn!! I'm in the same situation. I've seen 3 therapists before, but all of them have been women who didn't understand how important parents are to people of color in general. and all of them have told me that my parents shouldn't matter so much to me. One even told me that stuff that's happening to me "would never happen in an American household." and I'm already a second generation American. That's why I quit therapy, but after watching this I'll start finding a new therapist. I did learn a lot from therapy, but I felt like I'm always hitting a wall when it comes to talking about Asian families. I guess it just takes someone from similar background for therapy to work for me. Thanks for the video xx
Okay I have to comment again đ But I'll be starting med school next year (yay!) And one of the things that really motivates me is being a visible minority. There have been studies that show that overall compliance with patients increases when a person's doctor looks like them! I love that you found someone you can relate to!
This is amazing. So many people give up on seeing a therapist without knowing that it's something you need to keep on searching on because not all therapist work with every patient. I related alot too on the ethical/ cultural problems you mentioned too. Thank you for posting a video on things that are important to know on one's health. You can change the world little by little by posting these types of videos. Therefore maybe find a purpose in life! Sending love all the way from Switzerland! (I'm Filipino by the way) â€ïž
"iÂŽve thereÂŽs an open bar iÂŽm like H-H" the zoom in and face is so hilarious iÂŽm crying from laughing xD. YouÂŽre awesome, thank you for sharing your insight on therapy! I think we can use a lot more of that!
Yes yes yes, more videos like this please. We all learn this journey of our lives. We experience so much things that are beautiful, amazing but can tear us down hard but I am going to keep going, trying my best to be better for myself and for others.
I see that you're trying your best too and I admire that. I am lucky to be shared the journey of yours. Thank you Jenn.
I'm chinese and I relate to your worries about not being able to support my parents after they retire SO MUCH. As asians I guess it's rooted in our minds and upbringing that while we are young, we are our parents' responsibilities but when they get old, they are our responsibility no matter what your economic status is. That therapist asking you to cut ties with your parents could probably be seen as the worst of all sins through the Chinese perspective and being unfilial.
thats why a pension exists? Why are you worrying so much
CallMeCarolyn its not just financially you also want to be there for them emotionally and physically. I guess you can see that in people who put their parents in nursery homes vs people who have their parents live with them. This burden is a duty in every aspect of your life bc your parents have given so much to you and you want to give that back
Many immigrant parents work at jobs that don't provide pensions or retirement plans, ect. They literally work long hours with no vacation, sick days ect at low paying jobs to provide for a better future for their kids, which is why their kids often want to succeed to provide for their parents to return the favor.
Many countries do not have well-founded pension schemes like the US does. Plus it's not just about the money, it is about being there for them, and taking care of them while they are sick. For example, many parents will get really upset when they are sent to nursing homes because its sort of like their children given up on taking care of them. This is what Asians see as the duty of a son/daughter.
Iâve watched a lot of your videos and this is the first one Iâve felt compelled to comment on. I recently began looking into therapists and was thinking about the process of figuring out how to find the right person. Oddly it never once occurred to me to have an Asian American therapist but you are so on point with that recommendation. Ironically Iâve had many discussions with fellow Asian Americans on the struggles we face with balancing 2 cultures as a first generation, and trying to please our families and ourselves at the same time. It makes so much sense to see someone who can relate to your struggles that may be so specific to culture. Also equally important is that feelings and issues arenât as often discussed in Chinese culture, which makes it even a bigger struggle as a Chinese American! THANK YOU for this video and would love to hear more on your mental health journey! â€ïž
jenn, thank you. you are such a queen of love and you radiate such happiness & fulfillment. just, thank you.
Jenn!!!! This video was AMAZING. Iâm taking some years off after undergraduate right now before I go to school to become and therapist. I have had a therapist for 10+ years. You hit a lot of key points and discussed some great things. Thank you for your video. Using your platform to lessen this stigma of going to therapy. Sharing stories like this helps tremendously. I loved this video so much!
omg this was amazing!!!! youâre always so articulate, every word u said had so much purpose. iâm also korean american and found a korean american therapist who rly is so great to me.... itâs crazy to hear all the bs u went thru with ur first few therapists im glad u found the one â€ïž
I'm a bit late to the game but I really want to thank you for this video. I find it so easy to connect with you and It was so refreshing to hear this as someone from a similar background. I'm also a PA student going into a health profession. A lot of other people have trouble voicing their frustrations about finding a good therapist as well as a medical provider. I'm so glad you found someone who you connect well with. It's so easy to find someone who wants to help you, but its difficult to find someone who helps you in the way you want to be helped. This is something I find frustrating even in my own training/ academics. Because my entire class is filled with good people who want to help, but sometimes its difficult to get out of our own heads to help others in the way THEY want to be helped. I'm always looking for ways to become a better clinician and friend to those in my community, and this video really sheds light on various ways/solutions that I can do that. So thank you for this great eye opener.
Oh girl okay not done with the video yet, but I have to say that although I'm not Asian (I'm middle eastern) I totally get the responsibility towards your parents. I would've been pissed at the comment belittling that responsibility, too.
Seriously... I was MAD.
I decided to start my healing journey in 2023 due to an unfortunate event at work, but even more so because I finally felt ready. However, connecting to my first ever therapist has been a confusing and disappointing experience. I'm not too sure if she's the right fit, but I am also uncertain about moving forward with another therapist because it was so hard to even find the courage to find the first one. My coworker and I had a long conversation about this and she suggested I look up this video to really figure out what I'm looking for and this video really hit everything spot on. Hoping the journey to finding THE ONE gets only easier with time, thank you for this video!
"I enjoy spending money on experiences that are gonna feed my soul." Jeeeeennn â„ïž
Thank you so much for sharing Jenn - I thought I was the only one going through some of these experiences but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. I don't have a lot of Asian friends and sometimes non-Asians don't understand the importance I place on family and my commitment to them. You beautifully articulated my feelings and I now have a better understanding of my values.
I don't bother to speak with the non-Asians when it comes to any new family issues. The ones I've had to debate with, just don't get it, and never will.
totally get what you meant about feeling a responsibility to your parents, as a person of African descent we have these same sentiments. this video was such great timing btw! i was just doing some thorough digging into therapy.
Agreed!! A lot of immigrants and people of color feel this responsibility!
this helps me sooo much. this shows me what to look for in a therapist. In the past, all my therapists have heard the same story and have given me the same advice. I am looking for someone with a better outlook that isnât just in it to stick to the time and get paid a bunch of money. I also didnât know you should form a relationship with your therapist, so thatâs really helpful and good advice.
I love my therapist! She was the 2nd therapist I saw. The first one I saw i personal did not like she was an older lady and when talking about some of my mental health I felt she didnât take me seriously, like I was just a dramatic teen ( I was 17? When I first needed to talk to someone) but my now therapist is great! She talks to me about what is happening in my brain and really let me understand that my mental health is like any other illness and that I need to work out my brain and to do that I need to know what is going on up there. We did a lot of EDMS therapy to go back through past traumas and to help release the anxiety towards the past.
I am way from my home town at college so I havenât seen her in along time. But I know I can always schedule an appointment if I feel like things are going bad.
Iâm so happy I tried therapy. I have noticed a change from my past self and I donât think that could happen if I didnât see a professional.
Thank you Jenn for telling your story!
wow can't believe you had to go through all of that. So happy for you for finally finding a therapist you like. I now feel so greatful for my therapist thank god she was my first one and I love her!! I couldn't imagine going through all of that.
I stumbled upon this video accidentally but I'm so glad I stayed til the end! Mental health is super important & honestly it really is hard sometimes to spew out all your problems to your loved ones.. I've never gone to a therapist but maybe in the future I'll consider going to one :)
Thanks Jenn!
I've been thinking about going to a therapist/counselling for awhile now because I've never talked to anyone about my issues. My thoughts are always so jumbled up in my mind and I feel like I wouldn't know how to express them properly. But thank you for sharing your experiences, Jenn. This video was so helpful and it's given me some more courage to go out and talk to someone! :)
Yay Jenn! I've been going to therapy the same time you have. I completely agree - having a POC therapist has helped me too. Especially with complexities of being a child of immigrant parents and how culture and tradition affect us but we're living in a western society đ© I definitely feel ya on the burden of giving back to your parents because of their sacrifices. Thank you for sharing your experiences xx đđ
I never comment on videos, but I feel the need to here. Please continue to talk about this topic. Therapy and mental health issues are still seen as taboo still and that blows my mind. I truly believe that everyone should seek therapy at some point in their lives. As you said, life will always have problems. The process to finding the ârightâ therapist is one not talk about, but it should be. It might be safe to say that some of the people who are seeking therapy are experiencing attachment/relationship issues in some capacity and might feel obligated to stick to a therapist even if they feel like it isnât a good fit. Without realizing it, you planted a seed of empowerment to those in that processes to leave if something feels off. That is so, so important. I applaud you for making this video, Jenn! I look forward to more content like this. âš
I love this!! Therapy is hard and finding a therapist that works for you is so hard! Itâs so great youâre sharing your story bc I feel like it happens to a lot of people, but no one really talks about it so you feel alone. Thank you thank you, you are so awesome â€ïž
Wow, thank you Jenn. For so long I thought it was my problem that nothing clicked and nowhere felt like a safe space therapist after therapist, but clearly, you've kindly shared that it's actually a common thing and that it's just a matter of finding the right one! I'll keep looking. Love videos like this!! x
Hi Jenn, i have been following you for the last 7 years and i just realize this is the first time i think its important for me to comment. Lately, i have been on the edge of unsubscribing because i felt like i dont relate with who you are today. Not in a bad way though. In my opinion, i think it's just the content that was lacking of your essence like it used too. Im So HAPPY and Thankfull for this video on therapy because i feel like i got to reconnect with the evolved Jenn. Your journey on finding a therapist and beeing in therapy really shows the kind of person you are today or becoming. Which is a beautiful soul who is trying to become the best human as it can. Im Glad that you are using your platform to empower people to grow as good human beings. And sometimes going to therapy (which is not only for crazy people) can be a good alternative. Thank you so much for this content! (Im not an english speaker, so i try my best with the grammar)
I never went to see a therapist before, but I really considered it...because I do have a lot of things bottled up in me that I don't exactly just want to take it out on my loved ones. This has been very helpful! Thanks Jenn! â„ïž
Thank you thank you thank you Jenn for making this video! Plz do more videos about mental health, anxiety and...just sit down and 101 talk type videos!!>3
Anyway, this is my personal experience about the therapy.
"Therapists' schedules are booked up" IS REAL!!!! And actually it sort of affect me as a barrier to be "outspoken" with my therapist. I go to therapy from time to time, and every time when we finish our conversation, she(the therapist) will ask me about the next time appointment. However, the most weird thing is that... I always experience some bad things and emotions literally in the middle of my two therapies, which means if I want to talk to my therapist about the current things that affect me, I have to talk to her after 3 weeks. But after 3 weeks, my emotions have almost gone, and I almost solve the problem and pain(not in a good way tbh, just the suffer with crying and complaining and praying sth cliche "it's gonna be ok" lol). Next time when I go to my therapy, actually I don't even feel anything, just describe those things shortly without being emotional because the "anesthetic effect" of my emotion to those certain things.
Besides, another very essential factor that affect my therapy experience is the language. Because English is my second language, and I am studying in US, which means I talk to my therapist in English only. Even tho I can clearly express the process of those events happened in my life, sometimes I prefer to talk in Chinese(my mother tongue) with people who understand Chinese because I want to completely express some descriptions in a real and raw way. Speaking English gives me time to think about the expressions and brainstorm the usage of words, and it will distract my concentration on the feelings. I tend to be more calm rather than speaking Chinese. Therefore, my therapist regards me as a person who's rational even in the hard time... but I am totally not. If I can talk to someone in Chinese, I would definitely have emotional breakdown and just urgently pop out all the negatives from my heart :(
Yes recently there are a lot of studies showing how communicating in a foreign language takes the emotion out of decision-making e.g. moral decisions! You could talk to your therapist about how you are forced to think more rationally while speaking in English and hopefully she could understand you in a better way x
@@324smile Thank you for this information! I appreciate that I'm not the only person to feel that way haha. I'll definitely tell my therapist in my next appointment!
@@Bunnylovescoffee I don't know where you live, but I know there are asian-based mental health places. I live in Oakland, California , and it has a high Chinese population, and I was recommended by a school counselor, and I found my therapist. English is my first language, but I do know how to speak in chinese. But pretty much all the workers there speak chinese, and there a lot of the therapists that speak other asian languages as well!
@@Bunnylovescoffee I'm sure if you do some research, you could probably find something similar around where you live! Good luck!
@@proudtobeAYSHUN I study in a small campus in PA now, so we don't have Asian-based therapist since we do have limited resources :( But the good thing is that I go to the on-campus counseling and mental health treatment for free haha! Thank you for your advice! As long as I go back to China in summer vacation, I'll try to find another therapist in China and talk to her(I prefer the same gender as well) to see if there's any difference.
i'm also asian american and actually my journey to find a therapist actually echos yours almost exactly. i think i went to a total of actually exactly 4 or 5 therapists before i found one i exactly clicked with in that way. she's also asian american and when i spoke to her it really felt like she knew exactly where i was coming from. a lot of what you said resonated with me deeply including the feeling like i owe my parents everything and also having anger issues at a young age that stemmed from feeling like others were taking something from me that was given to me by my parents