The CHOKEHOLD: Why WOMEN Confuse LUST for Investment!
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- čas přidán 9. 08. 2022
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💚 Love this 1. I was definitely a Delusional Dater😵💫. I thought every date was going to lead to a committed relationship. I fell for word 🥗 instead of action 🎬 . I started doing the FWB thing to see if it would eventually turn into a relationship...boy was I wrong🤣. After taking time to Heal, Pray & listen to Chloe's videos I am def on the right path. These videos have made a major difference in my life! Thank you Chloe💚
Yes, I thought every man who showed some interest could be a potential husband, and I also did the FWB 😩🤦🏾♀️ Never again!
Girl my friend just transitioned her fwb into a relationship and now she’s complaining about the way things are like it’s still a fwb and he has hella female friends. I don’t wanna pry but I hope she sees the signs and realizes it before it’s too late
Men will always reveal who they are through their behavior. It is a women's job to either accept or reject behavior but never try to change his behavior.
Yes I’ve been the placeholder however I’m so grateful I didn’t allow myself to get trapped with children. Although my time was wasted I was fortunate to make clean breaks! 💕
Same here sis.
🙌🙌
Same here! Lesson learnt
Same here. Lesson learned! 🙌🏽
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
The mantra: single until married, single until married, single until married
In my experience it goes… Attraction (purely physical), Interest (getting to know you), Attachment (typically a committed relationship, marriage, etc.) Know what stage you’re in and behave accordingly. Most men will want sex in the attraction phase. If you want to make it to the attachment phase proceed with caution. With my husband, his actions were CONSISTENT through all the phases and that’s how I knew.
@Wisdom Diva some women are soo Lucky!😉👍🏽💖
Consistency is KEY!!
@@kaoshi_kutie 👍🏽
I definitely just went through the placeholder position. One sign is when they go from hot to cold, back and forth, and when they claim not to be “ready” for a relationship. Listen, if their dream girl wanted to be with them they’d be ready, lol
I'll tell you the dating technique of chinese and korean women.
In the west men expect sex on 3rd date, in the east women expect the relationship to become official on the 3rd date (no sex). If not, they move on.
Koreans celebrate 100 days of dating (roughly 3 months) as a big mark of the relationship.
We start to see some consistencies right?
3 dates, 3 months. But these women are looking for marriage and commitment and don't want to be talked about. Single mothers are ostracized...and we really haven't seen much of a difference in the west right?
I had an older man who I was dealing with and was giving all his sexual fantasies to. He kept telling me that it made him feel closer to me, he can be himself with me, etc. I thought that was his way of opening up to me and thinking this would make him want to be with me. I started to realize that I’m only kept around because I gave him what other women didn’t want to, and the times he said he got closer to me was only when we did sexual things. I felt like a piece of meat. When I started to pull away, he came back acting as if he wanted a relationship to keep those sexual fantasies. Then a year later, I found out there was someone else he was dealing with that he was actually planning on being together with. She met his fam, talked about moving in together, etc. When I say my self esteem went straight to hell after that. I felt so stupid and embarrassed thinking what I was doing was an investment, when it was just a benefit for him(although I was into all of the things as well). I wish I shared those experiences with someone who really gave a damn about me, but I don’t regret what I learned. A man will have you next to him in his bed everyday telling you sweet nothings while he’s planning a life with the woman he really wants and wants to invest it. Sexing a man the way he wants and him wanting you doesn’t mean he is going to see you as potential. If anything it does the opposite.
💯💥
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Right! 💯🙏🏽
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
You are not alone as I recently had the same thoughts...thank you for sharing
Many women attach themselves to men who aren’t fully invested in them & ignore all the signs talked about in this video because we think if we hang in there, he’ll realize we’re a “good woman.” Even having his baby won’t keep him if he doesn’t see you as “the one.” You’ll just be used as a placeholder for the one he really wants.
💯💯💯
Well my mom would say that both are “marking” time.
This is exactly what I did and got my feeling hurt so bad..sad 😞 😔
I had one man ask me on
for a date. One date. I turned him down. Not more than 2 months later, he actually tried to he pick me up to have sex with him. At a church dinner no doubt! He had already told several men at the church he was going to do it! I couldn’t believe it. I’m a widow so I wasn’t educated on the dating scene today. I hadn’t dated since the 90’s. After that experience, I went online and educated myself.
I took crash courses from
Influencers such as yourself on what you expect from dating today. I am so thankful that I did. I know the terms, the red flags, and how to handle the manipulators and the ear hustlers. Thank you.
I knew I was low hanging fruit when he described his real type as nothing like me. He's basically with me because I was easy picking for him. Even explicitly said he can't AFFORD those girls
Chloe, I am so grateful for your channel. It’s has helped me so much in dating. I just got back from Vegas where a guy asked me to be his date for a wedding. I said yes as I was told I would be taken care of. The first day I was tested by being taken to cheap places in areas I didn’t feel safe and I spoke up and said I didn’t want to go back after he suggested we eat a buffet there. The next day he pulled away and at the wedding, he kept disappearing to the point that his friends called him out. I carried myself as the prize and his friends, including the bride and groom took notice and cared for me. The rest of the trip I hung out with his friends and they stopped inviting him. They would even ask if I wanted him around. Our final day he tried to hang out but I said I’ll get to the airport myself and I’ll enjoy Vegas w/o him. I said he didn’t deserve my presence and attention after ignoring me and leaving me for two days. Long story short: I knew my worth and others saw that he wasn’t treating me as I should’ve been so they stepped in. The discernment I had was so on point to the moment I noticed he was testing me, I knew not to give in to accepting any breadcrumbs. It’s all because of your channel that I know how to vet.
Learning about femininity and hypergamy @41years old.Wish i had this info at 17.I would have chosen differently.I have been low hanging fruit all these years and didn't even know it.
It's ok. You're here now and learning.. That's all that matters 🌸
Same!
Parents didn't bother to explain to their daughter/s? Tell me there aren't muthas who want to see their daughters fail!
@@suebotchie4167 some people don’t want their offspring to do better than them.
It hurts to have been “ marked as territory “ but I’m gonna do better from now on in vetting and choosing
It’s not too late to have the life you want. Forgive yourself and leave the past in the past, because it’s over. Focus on the days you have left and be better than you were on yesterday. Good luck to you.
Sending love
I'm with you sister!
@@PineapplesCoconut Yes and Amen! ❤🙏🏽
Ladies, love on yourself, pleas yourself intimately, go on solo dates and you will see how your confidence will sky rocket.
Your desire to be intimate with men who do not commit is about your desire for male attention, the right man will wait till your ready💜
Unfortunately in my early 20s, with zero experience with men, I had to learn the hard way that lust doesn't equal like or love. I had my heart💔 broken once & my feelings hurt multiple times🥺. Though I am happy to say I didn't give anyone my womb🙏🏾. Now that I'm in my 30s I'm much more cautious of who I give my time too, let alone my body🤚🏾🙅🏾♀️
Same here! A lot of us learn the hard way 🫠
Precisely! High standards, self love, and self respect will ALWAYS weed out the street rats 🌟.
Chloe, I've learned this hard-earned lesson in my mid-30s, so your teaching is for e-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y! Again, you're doing God's work, thank you 🙌🏾
You have made me so unapologetic. If I see you one day I swear I will kiss you🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
💋💋💋
Its unfortunate that women have to experience a bad relationship or being treated poorly in order to learn these lessons in this video. I know I had to go through a narc relationship to open my eyes to how men are. Now I am open to absorbing information like in this video. Wish my parents would have taught me to value myself better. But my mom was very insecure and fell for, married and gave her life for a dusty. And that ruined her and she never taught her children to value themselves over a man either.
💯💯🏆 keep moving forward with discernment and glory to god and yourself 💯💯
I agree, but sometimes learning the hard way is the only way to learn. Pain can teach lessons, even if we wish we just had known better sooner. I had a boyfriend years ago that was so bad for me and all my friends told me to leave him, but I didn't listen - I thought I could change him. All I say now is it's not too late until you are dead. As long as you are still breathing, you can learn from your mistakes and do better. My dad is & was a dusty, but I will make sure if I every marry or have children in the future, the kids will have the best fatherly figure I can possibly find. It's not impossible to break the generational curse.
@@kathyalex778 it's ok to pray for enlightenment, instead of suffering to grow
If she had told you, you wouldn't have listened. Some lessons are better learnt through experience.
@Be REAL true she's getting more popular now. When she started calling out dusties people said that she was reaching wyt supremacist blah blah. Now they are seeing for themselves.
My heart almost got me wrapped up in alot of these stages but my mind pushed me out of them. Almost married a low vibrational man (he asked me twice with two different rings.) Thank God that didnt happen. Im 41, beautiful, healthy, no kids and a home owner. Happy with myself...thats all i need as of now.
My ex never invested in me he was a total dusty
Thank you Chloe for transforming me from a desperate, masculine woman to a much happier woman who finally enjoys femininity, and being single until the right person comes along to treat me well. You channel has brought me peace. My standards are now very high and I don't intend to drop them! It's shocking how little some women will settle for just to say they have a man, all I am grateful for is that I discovered this knowledge so young. You are changing so many ladies' lives
❤❤❤
Chloé you are such a gift😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 there is a man right now who is giving me attention some times to times and then wonders why I don't believe in his word and that I don't love him 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 sorry baby but I always walk with Aunty Chloe's words in my mind. "Follow his actions not his words" "a man will always do what is necessary to get what he really wants" 😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😊😊then he asks me what should I do for you to be mine then I think of Daddy Steve Harvey's word." You don't teach a man how to treat you " . Everything is in my head at the age of 21 and I am proud of myself. I face theses men with so much confidence. When I feel a little weakened I think of your teachings. Chloé you are a real aunty.
what do you mean forever Aunty! I’ll be 39 forever! lol. I kid. 💄❤️💋
@@TheNewFeminine wait in my mind you were still 37 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Where was this content 20-plus years ago this would have done me so much good!
I needed this video today. I literally got ghosted for no reason. This guy brought me flowers multiple times, chasing me, being consistent, never allowed me to touch a door because he would always open it… said he wanted a relationship. I was still on edge because I don’t trust guys these days of course but at the same time I did start to think…. What if he is different. Once he got what he wanted he dipped. I learned so much and it won’t be happening again
How disgusting of him🤢!! Wishing blessings in your future ❤️🙏🏽
None of us know what you put that men thru until he got what he wanted. Sometimes a weak man will play on your court until he gets what he wants and then dips for various reasons. He shouldn't have engaged further once the first sign of you not being attracted to him was shown. Now we end up with more hurt people hurting other people. I hope you always keep your heart open but remain cautious.
I just want to say that it's not your fault that his intentions were not authentic. Unfortunately there is alot of men that do this it's call love bombing. Also I hope that you meet someone who does all those things and means it. It's still a blessing in disguise because you found out early.
A love bomber. Still, you said you were on edge with this guy and your gut was right. That's your take...trust your intuition. A serious commitment type will make you feel at ease, not nervous, not anxious, not on the fence.
You gave him what he wanted! 🤦♀️ Not only did he not have to do much, but he didn't even do anything at all. Opening doors?🚪Oh wow! Woopee!
Thank you so much Chloe I’m 21 years old and I became a young single mother when I was 18 it’s painful it’s true the man wanted to make me less desirable for the right man but I found someone who takes care of me and my son sometimes I still get angry at the thought of letting that man get me pregnant and manipulate me to think I was going to be a wife someday I appreciate this Chanel because it educates me in many different ways I come from a family of single mothers and it broke me when I joined the chain but I pray for a brighter outcome for myself with the help of your channel love love love you ❤️
Chloe this may sound crazy but you are like the mother I never had or that one Aunty that I really needed to give me some game. I grew up in a turbulent single parent house hold and had to learn many things hard lessons through trail and error. I’m 33 and I’m just now establishing some of these boundaries. Thank you for all you give.
❤
I'm 34 and never been in a relationship at all! It makes me nervous. I think to begin. I need low effort dates to get the nerve. I'm so behind on the ball.
The problem is some men will settle and marry a woman that he made wait 10+ years to do so. This happens to young women a lot. Don’t move in with your boyfriend or fiancé. Don’t do wife stuff for a boyfriend. You can not build with a man who isn’t your husband.
Lust is not love.
Lust is a fire that always requires.
Feasts while it depletes.
A burning from an internal yearning,
imprinted outward on a person of superficial appeal-but at its’ purest core, lust is nothing more.
Lust without love overtakes you.
But when housed within love, it motivates you, to be a better you than the you who arrived before-
Independently.
Love survives adversity.
Recharges. Doesn’t deplete.
And doesn’t fuel on just fantasy.
Love is not a burden.
Love is a giving-not depending…
and if true, never ending.
Beautiful
@BeGetGood Drop da Mike! That is C R E A T I V I T Y.👍🏽😉💚
"The more you understand male psychology, the more you'll understand your role in a mans life" 🔥
I just wish I knew this all before, women aren't told the true about relationships
I totally agree. I have believe a man’s word instead of his actions. That how I became a single mother but I paid my BD Dust. I pay men dust period. Im focused on me and my child.
Chloe💗, you are the sister I never had. Every upload opens up a conversation I can't have with even with my own mother. I'm grateful for a femininity community🥰.
Thanks for the video Chloe. Very informative i have been a victim of a man attention thinking he was intentional. This really needs to be a class in grade school.
“6 month or less…” if that ain’t the true!
I was a place holder and and dealt with a flagger as well, thankfully no kids were involved. I did my emotional and spiritual healing. I’m thankful I know much more than I did in the past. I don’t fall into the excuse of my insecurities or loneliness because I know the outcome of succumbing to them would be as terrible as jail time.
Guilty on almost everything. 'Masculina' behaviour be gone! Never again.
I have met a man recently that made me realize how much my interactions with men have been extremely superficial, and I had begun to despise being the so called “one that got away” because I never stayed to be a placeholder, or anything that was below me. I rarely entertain most men once I figure them out. I’ve been caught up once or twice like anyone else. But, I’m realizing most men weren’t a match.
He cares more for my soul than any man I’ve ever dated. My looks are what he thinks about on the secondary. He makes me feel beautiful without talking about my looks, and I love it. He touches my heart without needing to touch my body. I love it all.
“barking like a dog” lol I’m cracking up😂😂😂
No 🍪 for the cookie monster.
I appreciate your video. I am concerned about the narrative on YT that marriage doesn't benefit Black women. I disagree with that narrative, and know firsthand how wonderful it is to experience the real investment from a man that offers you his heart, money and last name. Perpetually dating high-earning men without getting the benefit of his full investment is fruitless and possibly a pathway to heartbreak. Especially, if marriage is what you really want. I don't like that Black women have been and are being discouraged or shamed for wanting marriage. You deserve provision AND to be treated as the prize by your man in every way. Choose your husband carefully and understand that marriage is like a garden. You'll get what you and your husband put into it. Select a man that checks the non-negotiable boxes, but that also wants to join you in having a great marriage (a beautiful garden). My husband proposed after 4 months of courtship. He's a man of integrity, a great provider and we've been married for almost 9 years. Be encouraged ladies! Don't settle for dusty men and require marriage (Again, if that is what you want). ❤️
Yes! I confused lust for love. I felt ashamed at one point. Having this illusion, thinking my ex would marry me and I’ll have his baby. I was so desperate about being picked by him. I moved on now and on my healing journey.
Have you ever considered making a course for younger ladies? I feel like you have so much wisdom to share and the world could really use it. If you made a course I would buy it!
I have more than a course. I have an entire Finishing School called The New Feminine! Link in Bio.💄
@@TheNewFeminine Wow do I ever feel silly right now!! Thank you so much for the link. Im going to check it out. I would love for my daughter to learn these things now while she is young. Bless you! You are wonderful and I appreciate you so much!
I appreciate the information we gain on this platform. But trying to play this game of dating wears me out sometimes. I honestly believe I'd be happier with Me,Myself and I.
Hiiii Chloe I'm a young listener!! This is SUCH an eye opener.😭 I have made playlists for dating and femininity (and other things of course) I start College this fall!! Definitely going to rewatch ❤️❤️
You got this, young lady☺️💜☺️
@@starshine6321 thank you😇❤️
CONGRATULATIONS! And keep watching Chloe, she will have you right and ready for high quality dating to a high quality marriage. This stage in your life is the perfect time to blossom as a high quality, feminine young lady. Best of life to you sweetheart 💝
Wishing you all the best....focus and discernment...you'll do phenomenally.
Thank you so much for the video. There are plenty of them out there that specializes in reducing a girl only to a source of se**ual gratification and are are unapologetic about it. And honestly it destroys a woman's self esteem. Even if he makes such advances for a zillion years with no investment in you, he sees you as nothing more than a placeholder and himself as still very much single. Your last two videos the one on the dark feminine and this, rare 💎.
I remember how in the beginning of a dusty relationship, the Dusty was adamant about being ‘unsure’ of marriage but kept pushing for when we’d have kids. Even though I was mostly the breadwinner and we were financially struggling, he kept asking about it. My answer was always the same: not until marriage, and probably not till after 2-3 years of said marriage.
I never had kids with him, but in hindsight I should’ve left earlier instead of devoting my time to prove to him the ‘benefits’ of marriage and how ‘good’ he had it.
He basically said off the rip he’d rather be tied together with children he can’t provide for then be legal obligated to provide for them and me. He said, without saying it, that he’d rather be able to have a legacy without responsibilities then a partnership with titles. And if our relationship was any indication, he was fully intending to only make choices that benefited him without consideration for us.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
I'm 23 and its refreshing to hear you mention that this video is especially for us younger women, and I am not ashamed to admit that I have no knowledge on dating that's what got me in some messed up situations but every mistake is a lesson but I'm learning to do better and make wise decisions 👏
I did allow a man to plant his flag with me but that was because I lacked feminine guidance and had unhealed trauma that kept me from even not knowing my needs or worth. I was in my masculine so much and for so long and thought I had to be the man and the women, even with a man. He ended up being a covert narcissist and I still find myself kicking myself for not knowing any better. But honestly we are all free individuals who only belong to ourselves, I’m just glad I have the information now.
WOW! I'm so glad you spoke on number 2 because this one is very popular! This is an attack(#2) and I have been saying it to all my family and friends for years!. And yes I have experienced this very thing! This is a form of a man's Revenge on the Woman!
Commitment is investment not lust.
I’m here as the Student & these comments!💫
I needed to hear this I went back to my old ways desperate energy. So glad I didn’t give sex and that person has said a mouthful. Young ladies never let a man keep telling he doesn’t want you. Don’t even entertain the homegirl title either. This was reaffirming back to the drawing board and self work. It’s okay to not be ready to date but don’t make excuses
Yes !! I made this terrible mistake didn't know the difference between Lust and Love. Trust and believe I definitely know the difference now. Thank you Chole you are always, always on point. 🥰🥰🥰
Good Lord it took me way to long to figure this shit out, I'm starting a playlist of videos like this for my daughter so God willing it won't take her as long Thank You for this great information.
Actions are the final indication, that sums up all of the arguments perfectly
Drop da Mike Sis Chloe!👍🏽As a Christian, woman almost in the prime of her life, the marriage ship for me has pretty much already sailed. I find it challenging to meet decent spiritual men as most BMWs (Black Man Working) are already taken. I actually wouldn't mind being asked to go for coffee but the single men at my church sadly seem to be more interested in going for coffee, beer, or whatever, w/each other. Which is becoming to be the norm in a lot of circles/settings, but that's a whole other Pandora's Box. 🍱 In any case I dig your content and shared this video w/daughter, and nieces. Stay Blessed.🙏🏽💚🙂
With God nothing is impossible. If it's marriage you desire ask, with Chloe's lessons how can you fail? It is not His will for you to be alone . Expand your search, networking events, etc. Your divine appointment will come.
@@bakigwaze90 Ty, I receive that Sis, Stay Blessed! 🙏🏽❤🙂
Some dirt bags will marry too for control purposes and the womwn get stuck paying alimony to them. Smh. We have a lot of sifting to do as women for real as these jerks are getting more cunning, either that or we're getting blinder.
So many pointers in this one. Especially about marking their territory and ladies if you have or seen dogs. What do they do Mark Their Territory?
it’s the Biological imperative.💄
Unfortunately I've been that girl but I've learned and still learning.
I haven’t been none of the above 30 no kids as well
Whew! This touched me. This was real. Thank you for the face slap. I needed it.
The teachings I never got but need. Finally. Thank you.
Excellent commentary 🎯🎯🎯
Ooh wee, have I ever conflated the two! I'm a bit better now, but I'm glad that I had the strength and knowledge to walk away from someone who didn't really want me. Thank you for all of your wisdom, _Chloe. 💖
Chloe your advise has changed my life! Thank you for the feminine game! You are a God send🌹
☺️☺️💕
So glad I am with my Twin Flame! I didn’t have to deal with a lot of nonsense when it came to MEN because I have only been with one! THE ONE! My true love! My Twin Flame: Provider and Protector! Invests into me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially! 😍🥰
Today you PREACHED 💅🏼
You are literally speaking to my situation. Thank you!
So true and hard to hear 👂 and accept. You on point!
Thanks CHLOE❤️❤️❤️❤️
This video was definitely a gut punch for me but much needed
Perfect day
Well said as always!!!
Bravo 👏🏾
This video dropped on time like every time! Preach it Chloe ❗❕ a whole word
Thank you. 🙏
Facts!
Thank you Chloe for sharing this thought provoking video. I am definitely sharing.
Great commentary 👌 per usual. 👏
Thank you. Glad you did this. Girls.. Don't fall for it and get trapped.
Thanks very much
I sent this video to my mom thank you
One of your best videos !
new upload yeay😍☺
Great advice
This channel is my empowerment channel. Thank you Chole_
I have made that mistake and was about to make it again. I'm glad I clicked on this video. Thank you.❤️
At the end of the day, [off rip] you know where you stand if it’s NOT “ PRETTY WOMAN” treatment!!!!
Excellent commentary
This is the cold hard truth 😭
God!! Please give us wisdom.🙏
Definitely have been confused. Never again.
All my life
Chloe, I love, love, love this video. Watching it made me realise that at some point I was a low maintenance fruit. I also realised that I was the placeholder in my last situation ship. I thank God I jumped out before it was too late. He was the kind of guy with that lovely word salad, always kept me hidden and never seemed to want to move forward with us. I left him when I realised I deserve better in this life. I am in a much better place. Am yet to invest in some good therapy but my hypergamous journey is definitely underway.
this video was for me 😮
I haven't heard the comment yet but the title alone is a whole word!
Oooo this is going to be a good one 🍿
Yes yes and yes