Same. I'm 53 and just ended that relationship. I've done it before for long periods, always decided to try again. Finally realize she's just too cruel and too damaged. I don't allow that in my life. It's not easy, but I'm treating myself the way I wish either parent had treated me. Protection, love, sacrifice. ❤
This resonates with me. My mom was extremely mean and cold to me at times. I was an o my child and it was just her and I. I was spanked ALOT with belts, shoes, wooden spoons, to the point of cutting me open. I turned 15 and left home, got pregnant, had 4 kids by the time I was 25….smh. My dad, turned out to be not my biological father and found out when I was in my 30’s. When I asked her why she didn’t tell me she said why would you need to know? And btw, my "dad” molested me when I was 3 and she stayed with him after I told her. That’s what my relationship with my mom consisted of.
I have been a fixer, rescuer and enabler with an Inability to set boundaries, perfectionist, codependent, low self image, ( no-matter how many compliments I have received from ppl) and addicted to toxic relationships with ppl that have taken advantage of my giving nature. Although I have been working at healing myself for the past 20+ years and have made lots of progress, I still carry some immature pain that has prevented me to thrive. To be fair, and this I heard recently, “ we must seek safe relationships in order to heal.” I think I have done the contrary to that . In relationships I have chosen ppl where I have recreated the same lack of safety, lack of compassion and lack of nurturing that I lacked in childhood. Needless to say, this wound runs deep and healing it will be a “work of compassion and tenderness “ for the rest of my life.
I released my expectations of what I wanted from my momma. It’s not easy but I have somewhat found peace… and if/when we see each other again, I will accept her for who she is💜
I came here for me and realized I've done some of these to my own children. 😢Now to forgive myself for that and never do it again so they can flourish. ❤
Thank you for this. I am discovering my mother wound more and more. I denied it for so long, I was ashamed, because it doesnt seem manly to confess that you have let yourself be dominated by people and especially women all your life, but after a toxic relationship I recognized that I needed to go to the darkest place in my heart so there can be healing. Still on the journey, but I can feel my body and my emotions now. I am coming home.
My mother was very very sweet. She showed up everyday supporting her family. But I don’t ever remember relating to her nor connecting to her. She neglected herself and her own needs and settled for less. I vowed never to turn into her.
This is true! I always say wonderful things to my boys, but I say things like that to myself and my youngest parrots what I say about myself. I was floored!
I became a rescuer. I got number 1 , 2, and number 4, 5, 6. I don’t ever want to become like my mother, I am NOT a quitter, I will make it out of these house.
This is very painful cos I ended with someone who treated me just like how my dad treated my mum... Reliving such deep sorrow is like hell on earth..that's how it feels to me. God🙏🙏 I trust you to heal me😭😭😭. I am broken by this... Thank you sir for the enlightenment.
This has destroyed my life. But more importantly it is causing my daughter so much pain! How do I escape my mother and fix my behaviors with my child? I know it probably so simple but I'm so jarred and too close to the situation. Someone plz direct me towards where I may acquire help before I create more real problems for her.
can't tell you what exactly to do, but I know this: - as long as you are close to yr mother, both you and yr daughter are on that leash, and you'll never trust yourself that you're doing the right thing, you'll always be shamed into obedience - when she realises you're getting away and trying to establish boundaries, expect hell (blaming, gaslighting, victim playing, manipulating yr daughter and other family members against you); you can choose that extra struggle or you can choose to stealth your way out - people described in this video never change unless they personally decide to (and that's rare); you can't make them (it worked fine so far, so why should they) - I find it important to write everything down! cuz you're not going to be believed; you yourself are going to gaslight yourself cuz that's how you've been conditioned - therapy, of course good luck
@@anabltcvery true.i hope this person took your advice I waited too late and lost all 6 of my children to the toxicity and dysfunction of the narcissistic family
We usually are victims of victims , they never nurture by their own parents it's became wrost when they never realized it's so never blame your mom and dad because they also suffering from their childhood trauma 🧡🧡
The " hurt people hurt people" is baloney...my "mother" was a spoiled brat baby of a large well off family...she thought the world revolves around her...she enjoyed abusing us
Honestly, I dislike this US TV-preacher style of communication, I'm really not used to it, but the content still got through to me, this is quite accurate
It’s very noticeable every time they start talking about mother wounds how they have to immediately start walking on eggshells. I think the most dangerous mother wound is the father shaped mother wound. There’s a lot of that going on these days.
Dam right mother wounds are extremely suffocating and traumatic never think just because they are mothers they are healthy or good .. We need more talk and discussion about this extremely toxic trait of mother wounds.
Really insightful, i've been embarking on my healing journey for a while now and i'm finally ready to adress my mother wound. Looking forward to how this might improve my relationship with her.
Man I've been there without knowing it all. I found someone exactly like my mom and was in a toxic relationship. Idk what to do so i kinda run away from everything..
I remember this message. I was there that night. However, I also applied much of what he said to my father wounds. Example 0:47 He said "Maybe your Mom kept you home from school..." My Dad kept me home from work, church and a social life to be with him. And this was as a full grown adult on into my early 50s. I'm not saying there aren't any mother wounds, but the father wounds I have match much of what I've heard in this message. A few weeks ago, I saw a video (at church, not CZcams) where a pastor said that his father stole his childhood. My Dad stole much of my adulthood.
Dad went Home in Dec. of 2021 at age 90. The last two years of his life he was suffering from Dementia. Honestly, had I been "allowed" to live a "normal life" and been on my on maybe married with kids of my own during the last two years of Dad's life, I know I would have taken care of him.
Too much to write about this. It IS a generational curse. YOU can break it. I prayed everyday as a child that whatever this is stops here and now. I am not my mom. It takes work. Raised mine differently.
regardless if he is religious etc he speak allot of truths, I've done years of therapy and self healing, what does your bible say " when I was young I thought like a child now i am adult I think like adult" something like that.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things - 1 Corinthians 13:11
Wow. What about the adult child who refuses to help themselves despite infinite online resources like this (unavailable to their parents back in the day) and chooses to blame and wallow in misery despite the parents' acknowledgement of all that happened? My adult child has all kinds of free resources and insights that were just never available to me, yet refuses to avail himself of any of it, even though he is living in my home.
Haha you've just described me and my mother. Well done for acknowledging that you did your best with what you had. Forgiving yourself and striving to be happier is the only thing you can do. As kids, we often don't think we can hurt our parents' feelings, but we can.
Because true re-parenting needs more than "information online". It requires a near-miracle: long-term, safe relationships with spiritually healthy, raised-in-love individuals with endless patience and a broad, wise mind, which can offer a foundation to heal, unlearn, and grow. Saintly things when considering no one - other than your legal caregivers - is actually required to care for you, less alone help you re-parent. Living under your roof most likely does not provide that, since it's the same address where the problems started from. Humans are baptized in either conditional or unconditional love, and we can't give what we did not get and we can't express what we are not. And to learn that 'everything you know' is a lie, and to unlearn the lie, is a FEAT of which not enough books are written. On top of that, while we have unhealed trauma and unhealthy programming, we believe what hurts us is good for us and what's good for us hurts us. We wind up with retraumatizing places and people - even if we leave home. And even if some pureheart of a person finds us, it takes a long time and a lot of psychological intelligence to fully learn to live a good life.
The mother wound comes from crappy men. My dad sucked and my mom created mother wounds. I live with a porn addict and as much as I try not to talk bad about my husband to my kids, he creates insecurity in me from his porn addiction. He is distanst emotionally. I live in hell with him. He is the worst husband. Some of us are just trying to survive the toxic men we marry.
"it will push you into toxic relationships because that's what feels like home" that's a whole bar right there
Man I've been there without knowing it all. I found someone exactly like my mom and was in a toxic relationship
100%
Definitely🎯💯
You got this 💯 on 🎯. Undoing this later in my life.
I literally have the mother wound surfacing right now. I've came to the conclusion that I can't accept her emotional neglect and abandonment
So what does that mean for you? How does that take shape in your life?
May I ask: how old were you when this surfaced? Mine is surfacing and I am finding 30 yrs.
I pick myself apart, I’m consumed by self doubt, I’m lost all the time and even now i struggle with self esteem. Thanks mom!
Me too! I feel like I was robbed and can’t help but feel resentment towards my mom
God, please help me to speak life over myself and my children.
There was no communication. She never talked to me or supported my feelings. I never shared with her because she was mean.
emotional neglect
Same. I'm 53 and just ended that relationship. I've done it before for long periods, always decided to try again. Finally realize she's just too cruel and too damaged. I don't allow that in my life. It's not easy, but I'm treating myself the way I wish either parent had treated me. Protection, love, sacrifice. ❤
FELT.
This resonates with me. My mom was extremely mean and cold to me at times. I was an o my child and it was just her and I. I was spanked ALOT with belts, shoes, wooden spoons, to the point of cutting me open. I turned 15 and left home, got pregnant, had 4 kids by the time I was 25….smh. My dad, turned out to be not my biological father and found out when I was in my 30’s. When I asked her why she didn’t tell me she said why would you need to know? And btw, my "dad” molested me when I was 3 and she stayed with him after I told her. That’s what my relationship with my mom consisted of.
Mother wounds are real !
I became the counselor. I'm a fixer and a rescuer. Very true.
I became the family counselor. And Mum's #1 counselor.
Me too. I’m the responsible parent and she’s an immature child.
Yes same.
Same here.
I have been a fixer, rescuer and enabler with an Inability to set boundaries, perfectionist,
codependent, low self image, ( no-matter how many compliments I have received from ppl) and addicted to toxic relationships with ppl that have taken advantage of my giving nature.
Although I have been working at healing myself for the past 20+ years and have made lots of progress, I still carry some immature pain that has prevented me to thrive. To be fair, and this I heard recently, “ we must seek safe relationships in order to heal.”
I think I have done the contrary to that . In relationships I have chosen ppl where I have recreated the same lack of safety, lack of compassion and lack of nurturing that I lacked in childhood.
Needless to say, this wound runs deep and healing it will be a “work of compassion and tenderness “ for the rest of my life.
I totally relate to everything you've said. God bless, strengthen and heal you on your journey 🙏🏼🩷
Amen 🙏 you are not alone
OMG! You are the first person to properly explain what a mother wound is. Thank you.
I released my expectations of what I wanted from my momma. It’s not easy but I have somewhat found peace… and if/when we see each other again, I will accept her for who she is💜
I concur...
How? I am 44 and still get irritated over little things. I do not want to be this person.
How has that journey gone? I'm trying to accept her for who she is and I don't know how to do that @beedabee
@@rosasomoza6284 you can accept that she is who she is and still not have her in your life. Abuse is abuse.
It’s not easy at all
I came here for me and realized I've done some of these to my own children. 😢Now to forgive myself for that and never do it again so they can flourish. ❤
I relate to literally every point he just said
Me too!
Thank you for this. I am discovering my mother wound more and more. I denied it for so long, I was ashamed, because it doesnt seem manly to confess that you have let yourself be dominated by people and especially women all your life, but after a toxic relationship I recognized that I needed to go to the darkest place in my heart so there can be healing. Still on the journey, but I can feel my body and my emotions now. I am coming home.
My mother was very very sweet. She showed up everyday supporting her family. But I don’t ever remember relating to her nor connecting to her. She neglected herself and her own needs and settled for less. I vowed never to turn into her.
I can definitely relate to this
This is true! I always say wonderful things to my boys, but I say things like that to myself and my youngest parrots what I say about myself. I was floored!
I became a rescuer. I got number 1 , 2, and number 4, 5, 6. I don’t ever want to become like my mother, I am NOT a quitter, I will make it out of these house.
This is very painful cos I ended with someone who treated me just like how my dad treated my mum...
Reliving such deep sorrow is like hell on earth..that's how it feels to me.
God🙏🙏 I trust you to heal me😭😭😭.
I am broken by this... Thank you sir for the enlightenment.
Good for you for delving into this topic 👏🏽 so important and validating. It’s not societally acceptable to talk about mother abuse
It should be
I believe a lot of mothers never realized that despite encouraging us, their self talk was damaging. I wouldn’t call that abuse.
I’m learning and currently doing my best to heal for me and my kids
This has destroyed my life. But more importantly it is causing my daughter so much pain! How do I escape my mother and fix my behaviors with my child? I know it probably so simple but I'm so jarred and too close to the situation. Someone plz direct me towards where I may acquire help before I create more real problems for her.
can't tell you what exactly to do, but I know this:
- as long as you are close to yr mother, both you and yr daughter are on that leash, and you'll never trust yourself that you're doing the right thing, you'll always be shamed into obedience
- when she realises you're getting away and trying to establish boundaries, expect hell (blaming, gaslighting, victim playing, manipulating yr daughter and other family members against you); you can choose that extra struggle or you can choose to stealth your way out
- people described in this video never change unless they personally decide to (and that's rare); you can't make them (it worked fine so far, so why should they)
- I find it important to write everything down! cuz you're not going to be believed; you yourself are going to gaslight yourself cuz that's how you've been conditioned
- therapy, of course
good luck
@@anabltcvery true.i hope this person took your advice I waited too late and lost all 6 of my children to the toxicity and dysfunction of the narcissistic family
Join ACA 12 Step support group in your town. You will grieve and heal from your mother
We usually are victims of victims , they never nurture by their own parents it's became wrost when they never realized it's so never blame your mom and dad because they also suffering from their childhood trauma 🧡🧡
That doesn't justify abuse in any way!
@@The94BeanieNo, it doesn't but it helps in understanding why it happens. God bless 🩷
The " hurt people hurt people" is baloney...my "mother" was a spoiled brat baby of a large well off family...she thought the world revolves around her...she enjoyed abusing us
Hard to swallow, but needed to hear this. Thank you
I wish growing up I had this knowledge.My life would have turned out differently.
I totally agree.I would have made better decisions.
Wow no comments! This is Deep thanks
I have ups and down in this healing journey
Honestly, I dislike this US TV-preacher style of communication, I'm really not used to it, but the content still got through to me, this is quite accurate
I’m an enabler bc of my mother wound.
Yes, I know all this. And I become angry because I know it. But now, wtf do I heal it?????
It’s very noticeable every time they start talking about mother wounds how they have to immediately start walking on eggshells. I think the most dangerous mother wound is the father shaped mother wound. There’s a lot of that going on these days.
Dam right mother wounds are extremely suffocating and traumatic never think just because they are mothers they are healthy or good ..
We need more talk and discussion about this extremely toxic trait of mother wounds.
Really insightful, i've been embarking on my healing journey for a while now and i'm finally ready to adress my mother wound. Looking forward to how this might improve my relationship with her.
Yup
My mom had no self esteem & dated toxic men !
I’m the rescuer
I try to rescue broken men
So I end up in toxic relationships 😢
Wow. This is such a cogent & concise portrait of own my mother wound. Sincere thanks
Thank you thank you this video brings tears to my eyes. I need to get to the hospital. Thank you for your your video.
Man I've been there without knowing it all. I found someone exactly like my mom and was in a toxic relationship. Idk what to do so i kinda run away from everything..
I remember this message. I was there that night. However, I also applied much of what he said to my father wounds. Example 0:47 He said "Maybe your Mom kept you home from school..." My Dad kept me home from work, church and a social life to be with him. And this was as a full grown adult on into my early 50s. I'm not saying there aren't any mother wounds, but the father wounds I have match much of what I've heard in this message.
A few weeks ago, I saw a video (at church, not CZcams) where a pastor said that his father stole his childhood. My Dad stole much of my adulthood.
Dad went Home in Dec. of 2021 at age 90. The last two years of his life he was suffering from Dementia. Honestly, had I been "allowed" to live a "normal life" and been on my on maybe married with kids of my own during the last two years of Dad's life, I know I would have taken care of him.
Thank you for this
Thank you I recently learned about this. I have almost every part of this
Such great information- guidance on overcoming this will be great
I am trying to heal this wound - Both my mom and I have Chiron conjunct Moon. Which is the mother wound, deep emotional wound.
I wish my mum considered me her best friend, all I have ever received from her is criticism and scorn.
Mine was more like that too
Omggg thanks so much for this . Such a blessing.
Truth spoken.
Thankyou
I obviously low my mother, but how do you heal from these wounds and keep her in your life?
You can't get well in the environment you got sick in
You don't have to have her in your life. Put yourself first for once. It matters.
Spot on 😮😢
I just realized this year
That's so tru... But how to release this mother wounds?
Too much to write about this. It IS a generational curse. YOU can break it. I prayed everyday as a child that whatever this is stops here and now. I am not my mom. It takes work. Raised mine differently.
where can I watch the full sermon?
I'm so screwed 😵💫🤦🏼♂️😖
How do you heal from this?
Prayer and faith 🩷
Counselling and therapy is a good start
regardless if he is religious etc he speak allot of truths, I've done years of therapy and self healing, what does your bible say " when I was young I thought like a child now i am adult I think like adult" something like that.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things - 1 Corinthians 13:11
"Causes you to be a fixer, a rescuer, or an enabler".
Pshh.... why just chose one? >_>
SO how the heck do I fix this?
A dad? What's that?
Can anyone recommend a book to help deal with this?
I FOR SURE have a mother wound
I did not to feel so attacked while feeling so seen.
“❤🎉😢😊😢.”
Wow. What about the adult child who refuses to help themselves despite infinite online resources like this (unavailable to their parents back in the day) and chooses to blame and wallow in misery despite the parents' acknowledgement of all that happened? My adult child has all kinds of free resources and insights that were just never available to me, yet refuses to avail himself of any of it, even though he is living in my home.
Haha you've just described me and my mother. Well done for acknowledging that you did your best with what you had. Forgiving yourself and striving to be happier is the only thing you can do. As kids, we often don't think we can hurt our parents' feelings, but we can.
Because true re-parenting needs more than "information online". It requires a near-miracle: long-term, safe relationships with spiritually healthy, raised-in-love individuals with endless patience and a broad, wise mind, which can offer a foundation to heal, unlearn, and grow. Saintly things when considering no one - other than your legal caregivers - is actually required to care for you, less alone help you re-parent. Living under your roof most likely does not provide that, since it's the same address where the problems started from. Humans are baptized in either conditional or unconditional love, and we can't give what we did not get and we can't express what we are not. And to learn that 'everything you know' is a lie, and to unlearn the lie, is a FEAT of which not enough books are written. On top of that, while we have unhealed trauma and unhealthy programming, we believe what hurts us is good for us and what's good for us hurts us. We wind up with retraumatizing places and people - even if we leave home. And even if some pureheart of a person finds us, it takes a long time and a lot of psychological intelligence to fully learn to live a good life.
I mean, if watching youtube videos alone would heal debilitating wounds... wouldn't YOU be healed enough to be able to answer your own question?
😢😢😢❤️🩹
Do you know my mom?
My mother has low self esteem
The mother wound comes from crappy men. My dad sucked and my mom created mother wounds. I live with a porn addict and as much as I try not to talk bad about my husband to my kids, he creates insecurity in me from his porn addiction. He is distanst emotionally. I live in hell with him. He is the worst husband. Some of us are just trying to survive the toxic men we marry.
No reason to stay
Everything he mentions is how not to parent.
Sounds like NPD
Welp I hit all 8