The Science of Great Relationships | Laura Heck | Talks at Google
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- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
- Laura Heck, licensed marriage and family therapist, presents Dr. John Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. This talk outlines the Seven Principles that every couple should adopt in order to have a harmonious and long lasting relationship. Laura has been personally trained by Dr. John Gottman, and is co-developer and Master Trainer for The Gottman Seven Principles Program.
We have a code word for repair attempts, if either one of us says, "You're the one" the other replies,"No, you're the one". it reminds us that blaming never works and to focus on the issue not the person. Happily married 35 years.
What's the secret, Michelle? If there's someone to share a secret to a successful relationship then "You're the one"!
the content starts at 11:35
Wonderful talk. Thank you for sharing.
As I listen to her presentation I am thinking that a lot of supervisors could use this as a way to communicate with their co-workers, actually I wish they would.
That was a very helpful and informative talk :) Thanks for sharing
Valuable talk!
I wish she listed the 7 principles in the powerpoint. I have to watch this again. But other than that, it is an excellent talk.
Please share the list in here so we also don't have to watch the complete video. Thanks
1. make love maps
2. express fondness and admiration
3. turn towards bids
4. accept influence from partner
5. solve solvable problems
6. resolve gridlock
7. create shared meaning
the video goes into more detail and provides actionable advice, but there's plenty of articles about the same stuff on the gottman institute's website and others
Valuable talk!!!
For any program to work and to make it work, both individuals have to want it and have to want to make it work.
Shes very smart, you can tell when she talks slow. You can tell she has something to say. Btw, spot on she is.
I think it is a great talk! I love both the ideas and the way of presenting them! :)
Excellent talk, Laura Heck.
Lots of great insights here that I will be putting into place within my relationships. And, I'll be reading the book!
All it takes is "LUCK"!
Love, understanding, caring, kindness. Or in this case we might switch the caring to "compromise".
Two Best skill to have to make a relationship work-
1.Communication
2.Listening
Secondary skill- Touch
Touch varies given the spectrum of the relationship, but successful mastering the skill of Touch can help you amplify the bonds you make within the relationships you build.
From high fives, to backrubs, to hugs, and shoulder pats, touch helps us reinforce the emotions and experience we are feeling and sharing.
Relationships are impossible without communication skills.
Thank goodness negociation skills can be learned. I think finese can make relationships .
Can the PowerPoint presentation be shared to us please?
Great
Slides of presentation PLZ ?
Liked the question about the date of study, would defo be interesting to see what the main problems or strengths between gen X / Millennials couples leading to divorce are.
I'd suggest that you watch Esther Perel for that.
TY
"something soothing for twenty minutes" Nice subliminal message!
For those who don't know, may relationship experts or specialists do get divorced: John Gray, Tony Robbins, and others.
aside from the irony of it, whats your point
@@Benjamin-om3ih shit happens ! That is the point..
No way fidnt realise John Gray was divorced?!
The secret to a great marriage is a great divorce!
I found best video to improve my American accent English skill. :)
No not at all! Here in my native town have many Americans, just want to have better communication with them.
KING
Question for Laura, if there's any way of raising my virtual hand: Any suggestions if your partner asks for a LOT of "bids"? For anyone who didn't watch the full video but might have an opinion, a "bid" as Laura described it is like a request for connection. For example, "Wow it's sunny today hm!?" or "I'm going to put this plant over here" (basically anything that is ok to say "Mm hmm" or "Ok" to i.e. your partner is simply looking for an emotional acknowledgement). Laura or anyone else have thoughts on what to do if your partner is the type of person who needs a LOT of those?
Look into thais Gibson channel, about the anxiously preoccupied attachment style
Simple, you respond to the bids. If that feels like a hassle to you then you probably shouldn't be together.
Damn! I want to try again! 😂🤣
I loved most of the talk -
But when the husband asks:
Why are you always manipulating me into trying to stay in during Monday nights(when she knows he's going to hang out with the guys)
He's raising an important issue that needs to be addressed.
It could very well be that the wife has a serious passive aggressive problem.
She constantly tries to undermine his expressed desire to spend a weekly meeting with his friends + she's saying that he is turning against her which transfers the responsibility for her aggression unto him.
So offering to make him dinner is not a sweet and innocent thing to do under those circumstances.
Your point would be valid if in fact the wife did manipulate him regularly. Her example served the purpose of showing how the husband could turn against* (which is more aggressive than turning away) from the wife. Based on the purpose of the example, I think it would be more logical to assume the wife had no malicious intent & that the reason the husband responded aggressively was because he was in a rush & flustered, & as a result turned against (I think the speaker specifically wanted to show [in other words] a situation where someone [the wife] made a thoughtful gesture AKA "bid" but regardless of the reason [in this case he's in a rush] the husband turns against). Assuming and accusing the other of manipulation is a very defensive way to approach the believed issue (even if it had a logical basis) and is surely not the most effective way to achieve resolve. *I initially thought her example was illustrative of turning away but now that I realize that it was that of turning against, I do see your point a bit more because I feel like for someone to respond so defensively it might take more than simply being in a rush, but I guess this is all up to interpretation & perhaps she could have given a better example *Also just discovered she provides a suggestion on a better way the husband could have responded @ 31:12 (looks like this example had a lot of us thinking)
Could your defense of the husband in her example suggest a bit of projection? 😄
It was only an example.
@@NicoleHurka a lot of projection i would say
you didn't understand what she meant by turning against a partner. even if you are perceiving your partner as being manipulative, saying "you are manipulating me" is not a good way of dealing with the problem. you are in fact turning against the partner, who might not be manipulating you and in fact might miss your company, or feel lonely, or need companionship that day due to a personal issue the partner simply didn't know how to share. if you practiced empathy and said something along the lines of "i have an appointment with my friends. are you feeling okay? is there a reason why you would need my company today even though i have a commitment already?" if the person is in fact manipulative, empathy is very disarming (w/o bending to their needs if you have your own ofc). And if they're not manipulative, you just opened the door so they can share their concerns and needs with you in that moment. Pay attention to the whole video, it's actually very informative and useful for this precise, specific twisting you made of her general example.
If you listen to Jaque Fresco this kind of information is just an after effect of what you've learned.
so you're telling me my parents broke the 7 principles. wow not surprised at all
So nothing ever is going to get fixed because to have a good relationship you have to overlook the wrong
As I listen to her presentation, I keep thinking how much better this could have been if she didn't talk like a robot
Those Google people have mach less questions than I would have if I were in their shoes...
More often than not shoes are not filled with questions.
She says 80% of those who "shut down" are men, and she says their heart rate, sweat, and breathing were spiking, but she doesn't say what the women were doing that caused it. She simply says that shutting down makes it worse. That it's better to say "I'm not having this conversation now." But usually if you do that, the woman will start flailing with her fists.
If this is true, perhaps you should consider the choices you make in selecting a partner? Sex is not everything.
Like a true woman, it is never her fault.
@@Iksvomid Excellent. Generalizing here...Women (again generally) seek to resolve heated issues in the moment where men seek to first calm themselves down and disengage from flareups. However if she starts chasing him around the house, blaming him for not engaging her, especially late at night, particularly after drinking, he may turn on her physically to get her verbal attacks to stop. Few men choose ever to abuse but reigning in emotions after he has been cornered, exhausted and verbally disorganized, is a bit more challenging than remembering to say oh, I'll have this conversation later, good night. If you find a partner who will back down, give you space, process at the right time consistently, you are truly blessed.
Was this filmed at Google? You'd think a technology company that makes billions would be able to afford better chairs for the audience
It's a technology company, not a chair company. Google is NOT IKEA.
beauty teacher luck you
Licking someone on the face sounds more like harassment than a repair attempt to me. Or does it only depend on gender?
You could get Dr. Gottman himself to do the talk.
This is simply modern quackery...
That is simply a baseless accusation.
This is simply an astute observation.
Anil Aba it's baseless when it's based on 40 years of study?
Remember, guys, no matter how well You know a topic, there's always a turk that knows better.
Can I have a great relationship with Laura Hick and Molly Sobota, at the Sam....fukx . She has a husband. Dam nvm. Lol
i dont understand a thing.. next time speakers should be slightly uglier.. goddamn she so gorgeous
how very post modern; her poor husband, he has my sympathy.
I'm curious to hear about your approach to relationships.
Marriage was working when women didnt easily have a chance to support herself and divorce was a disgrace. Take out those two variables then there is no reason for two human beings to sacrifice their emotion to maintain a marriage. And for good reason, why would they? I think Americans should just embrace the modern lifestyle which is co-parenting. Simply have a casual co-parenting relationship with your partner and stop mystifying marriage so much. This all "true love" bullshit needs to stop now.
Why even co-parenting? Just clone Yourself and raise the baby by Yourself, it's complete independence and very modern! Only true love is for Yourself!
Is it just me or she looks nervous and unnatural
a big B-S
OMG, I would divorce her the day after our wedding, feel sorry for her husband.
she tries so hard ...
So nothing ever is going to get fixed because to have a good relationship you have to overlook the wrong
you can be right or you can be in a relationship
Or you can improve your listening Skills.
You can be right or You can be happy. Which one?