How to Deal With Relationship Nightmares
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- How to Deal With Relationship Nightmares
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The military casualties were far too young, thank you for showing their faces, names, and ages. It really humanized their lives and sacrifices beyond the number reported in the media.
Thank you for remembering our 13 fallen Service Men and Women at Abbey Gate outside Kabul's Karzai International Airport. We will never forget.
Thank you for honoring our fallen serviceman and women 🇺🇲
Thank you for honoring our fallen, my husband is a veteran who made it home safe ❤️
We had a whole parade for Jared Schmitz in his hometown when he got sent home. What an honor to witness such a touching and beautiful thing from are community. Rest in peace Jared. Much love
An Asbergers man I know was watching his teenaged daughter working into a frenzy and I saw the light hit his face and he called out, "Do you need a hug?!?" His daughter cried out, "Yes!" He wrapped his arms around her and I saw him check his watch twice and after about a minute, he asked if she was okay. She answered that she was and trotted off happily.
1st callers marriage died by a thousand cuts rather than a major stab wound. So many callers come on and say she left me! It took me by surprise. I only lied a little, a few too many times and didn’t make changes even though she voiced her concern and I said I would change.
I have Asperger’s myself, and Delony hits it on the head. We may not be able to communicate correctly how you want us to, but we love you all the same.
First husband loves his wife. He’s still protecting her….unfortunately some husbands don’t protect their wives and take them for granted. I hope God blesses both of their futures
Dad tortured my mom, she divorced his sorry ass! Good! Because of their marriage, I never married. Or had kids. (Various reasons). My life is good!
So, I really relate to having been with someone who has high functioning Asperger’s. He has not taken any steps to understanding himself. We have a one year old child and it’s been extremely tough and lonely. We’ve broken up and it’s because I can’t do it anymore. The constant disrespect, the outburst of anger, the walking on eggshells, and me telling him exactly what I want/need and him STILL not doing it. I’m done with it. I’ve tried so hard. I’ve worked so hard. It felt nice to hear somebody else goes through it.
Just found this particular episode. Having gone through an extremely difficult marriage with someone who was very high-functioning, it is nearly impossible to work through some of the issues with lack of empathy, egocentrism, an adult with Asperger has. We had 11 years together. We left no stone unturned and were separated numerous times. I had to give up any sort of idea I had of being loved . We had three children, one of which was officially diagnosed with Asperger's in 2014. He also struggles with relationships as he is now a young adult.
I am now remarried to a wonderful man and we have an extremely well functioning relationship socially, emotionally, physically, and financially. I learned many skills from being married the first time with negotiation and compromise. I'm so grateful I was set free after my first marriage.
I can relate after 27 years my ex-husband served me with divorce papers out of the blue with not ever even mentioning he was unhappy or had any issues within our relationship or that he had any issues. Athough I had come to him with issues. I think it was easier for him to bail then to work on the marriage... He accused me of cheating but I found gifts from other women hidden in the truck of his car and in his closet...that's when I was done
😊
I am currently dealing with a narc husband during a forced separation by the law (thankfully), but he's making sure I have no friends, resources, and reminds me how much my family just loves him. It's sickening. I see other women popping up now.. it's painful. But it's time to deal with me and my kids. He's always been the selfish one who takes care if his needs no matter what. P*rn issues. Trust issues. Lying. Financial infidelity. It's going to be hard but I'm slowly embracing it.
It was hard with those 13 deaths, I had friends evacuated out of there and a friends son sent there for the evacuation, when she posted she heard from him after it happened, I said I’m glad to hear but it’s sad to know 13 won’t be able to post that. We all felt that in the military community those trying days
John, I enjoyed the honoring of the fallen soldiers. It humbled me and made my heart grateful of this life that God has allowed me to wake up and see another day. In all my sorrows I forget that it could be worse.
Mourning a divorce like a death is not always as straight forward as it sounds. Saying goodbye to someone that actually died is saying goodbye. They’re gone. The person that divorces you, vs you divorcing them, is still alive.. often living a very different life. So mourning that is incredibly difficult, close to impossible when you’re blindsided by the person you’ve given everything, sacrificed much for, and loved…I’ve lived it. 6 years later and I’m just starting to feel like I can breath again. Divorce is hell
SAY👏 IT LOUDER 👏FOR👏 THE ONES👏 IN 👏THE BACK!!! 👏❤ I fully agree.
John that was a lovely tribute to our 13 lost souls. That was a very moving tribute. Blessing 💔
I was there when this happened. The aftermath seeing those kids back in the rear and the trauma coping mechanism was sad and devastating. I am an old head and nobody gets you ready to see what we go through and I pray for those kids and families who are no longer hugging their love ones
Kassie - Oh, girl. I’ve been living your life for 42 years with a neurodiverse ADHD and High Functioning Autistic spouse. I hope you continue to believe there are others who understand you; we do. There are excellent podcasts about NTs and ND’s on CZcams. I hope your husband will agree to the “couples” therapy that’s needed to improve the relationship. He does love you, but you will have to teach him how he can show love to you. If you want a dozen roses, you have to ask him to get them, and show your excitement. Yes, it’s hard. But ND’s didn’t ask to be this way. And they have immense struggles to overcome in a neurotypical world. You’ll have to draw a new picture of your life, whether you stay or leave. If the resentment, anger, frustration remains, you’ll lose the “real you”. Staying means reframing all your relationship interactions. Your relationship will never be as you perhaps imagined and wished for. Praying for you!
I agree with you and with Dr. John. Figure out win/win solutions because people with AUD or Aspergers or Adhd need to know how to get "wins" in relationships.
Beyond that though, you really have to like both the person AND their quirks to be able to sustain for the long term. I dated a guy with OCD and I loved his quirks. I found them endearing and entertaining and not as a "mental illness problem." I wasn't being hurt, neglected, nor abused by his weirdness, so it was all quite adorable. Everyone can be annoying or unaware, so communication and negotiation are important keys. But if you just crave "normal" a neurodivergent person's life is just NOT for you cuz their freak flags fly high and thar is not going to change.
Sierra, look up narcissism. Your SO's mom sounds like a narcissist. I know this term is thrown around a LOT these days but discovering this and the manipulative tactics Narcs use has helped me soooooo much! It's helped me steer clear of them and when it's been family, it's helped me to set boundaries, it's helped me stick up for myself, it's helped me understand that it's not me~ etc. praying for you!
Thank you for honoring our fallen brothers and sisters. My husband and I are active duty and any time we lose service members it hits so hard
Thank you for doing what you do, John!
Thanks for reading their names. 🇺🇸
I hope Erick and his wife are able to work this out. Praying Jesus will restore that marriage. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I feel for the 2nd lady, Kassie. My husband is on the spectrum and has anti personality tendencies, and came from an extremely abusive and traumatic household. It is not easy. I also came from abuse and neglect so I have my own issues, a need for attention he doesn't know how to give me. But sticking it out is worth it. I'd rather have him that anyone else because his pros far outweigh the cons.
Caller number 2 poor lady. Sounds like she’s married to a robot and needs to program him. There is no connection. That is emotional starvation for her.
I had a marriage like that...almost went crazy and bolted out
Regarding the autism call Deloney is spot on with his advice to be very specific. Its hard and awkward at first but its been really great for preventing miscommunication in my personal and professional life.
May they Rest In Peace
My condolences and prayers for their families
We are a military family 💙
Dr. John gives the best advice, always, always. 😊I love this channel❤❤❤
Hahahaa i just love the humor in this show…thank u for all that u do Dr. John 🤗🤗
I suggest he finds a Divorce Care program to attend. It really brings clarity and is also nice to be around others going thru the same.
I'm Autistic. If you meet one neurotypical person you've met one neurotypical person. If you've met one Autistic person you've met one Autistic person. No 2 people with the same neurotype are the same.
But. If we are speaking adults many of us can communicate very clearly. Often more clearly than NT people who communicate with hints and socially acceptable language. They often 'beat around the bush'. We don't do that.
It is more often than not absolute torment for us when we aren't spoken to directly. We are desperate to know what you're really saying. This is your opportunity to be honest and open and enjoy this wonderful trait where we will tell you what we think and you won't have to guess. Please do that to us too.
We aren't all good at telling you how we FEEL though. Sometimes we don't know and sometimes we don't remember you need us to do that that.
Many of us feel very very deeply. So deeply it can be physically and mentally painful. Those of us like that feel more than many NT's. Sometimes we can't verbalise it.
Anyway I could go on but my mind is tired...
Tragic loss 💔
If there is any courtesy, at least she sent him papers instead of doing things in secret (like having affairs) some guys don't even get that.
Who says she isn't having an affair?
Oh? 🤭 this is a very emotional episode 😮💨
My question to anybody exposed to divorce : if divorce was a liberation, what would you be released from? This perspective speeds up access to light at the end of the tunnel for most people asked. Those for whom it does not work are those who refuse it might be a liberation. Ego driven denial
Love and appreciate our veterans
Way out of resentment is hyper intentionality.❤
2nd caller- it’s great advice and all but I feel it’s been made all about her needs and her beginning statement is clear to point towards her starting fights or convos like “you’re just not meeting my needs” and over years this can be extremely damaging to someone anywhere on the spectrum. She’s been very vague about her needs bc she doesn’t even KNOW what her needs are. She wants attention from him. Plain and simple. She doesn’t want sex bc she steered away from sex every time you brought it up. Why is her situation unique? Not sure what he was doing wrong bc maybe he was doing exactly what he thought she was asking for. Scheduling her needs on a calendar will not work for either of them. It will make him put himself down more.
John--- SHES NOT TALKING ABOUT SEX! 😆 she clams up every time you bring up sex or eroticism. She even said “well it’s not so much that, I just want 10 mins of undivided attention “
(Aka I don’t like or want sex) 😂
And why is this a “nightmare” call? It’s nothing close to a nightmare. Nothing.
Great conversations
American are smart, yet some times interestingly politically deceived! Please ask yourself what the F these people were doing in Afghanistan?! They were defending USA in the poorest country people suffering finding bread to eat, thousands of miles away from USA? Don't get me wrong, it is horrible these young people died, heartbreaking they were sent by government; killing others in their own country is terrible too. Wish all hate and war ends in the world.
Ty
If there is an issue with her why can't she and the grandparents resolve it so the grandchildren can have a relationship with them.
It's not fair to the grand children. They can alternate holidays with each set of grandparents. It seems they might be putting financial strain on the paternal grandparents.
There's more she's not telling. Why his parents don't like her.
To add some levity/analogy (if that is possible), I have been watching "Kitchen Nighmares", my dad is my worst nightmare. I avoid him.
As someone on the spectrum too this one was harder to listen to :/ she says she isn’t done but she sure sounds like she is. I feel like she just wishes he were “normal”
Whatever "normal" is nowadays.
@@minna6049 and like John was saying a lot of communication needs that seem so extra here are actually.. fairly normal
@@minna6049 it's way diff than being on the spectrum. being on the spectrum is hard. my 20 year old daughter is HFA
This is too much for a person to have to spend this much time literally telling a person and micromanaging a relationship. This sounds exhausting. I get what he is saying but yikes.
I wonder if after the diagnosis the husband just blames it all on his diagnosis now and doesnt think he needs to try. He has an actual excuse now in his mind for why he doesnt need to change and its all on her.
Maybe the husband is mirroring female qualities.
@@djpuplex that came out of left field
Yea people really lean in to this hard. Hopefully he isn't.
Tracie Judy is not wrong. Married 42 years to ADHD/High Functioning Autistic. It’s true of us. He’s extremely happy with his life and structure the way it is. Doesn’t see a need to work together with me. We’re still married but living very separate lives.
It has been 5 years since my ex married someone else but he's not willing to leave me?? Such a hard tough situation. U am tired of marriages😢
That is coreman for proper pronunciation....
12:20 terrified at the idea of loneliness. With brotherly respect, the guy is afraid to lose his mummy
That first caller at first sounded like he was caught out of left field with the divorce papers, but then he said they've been having problems for a year and a half.....like dude, it's been long enough, and have some dignity, move on to better pastures she's probably getting banged already hence the divorce papers.
Let’s go Brandon
How did the autistic husband make the wife feel like she wanted to marry him? He must have been doing and expressing things she needs then? If it was autism wouldn't he have said hurtful things then?
Often, “red flags” about adhd or autism don’t present until years in a marriage, and for me it was 8 years.
It's called masking and also likely when they were dating/engaged, she was his special interest.
The first guy strikes me as what Dr. Robert Glover calls "nice guy" or nice guy syndrome. Hey! READ NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!
😞💔🙏🇺🇲
Sadly some idiots actually probably fast forwarded thru the 13 names being read & respect bring paid. My heart breaks for these young souls! 💔 Wish our country was going the other direction these days & that everyone was patriotic instead of ignorant.
You can pay your respects without randomly badmouthing hypothetical strangers. Save your anger for when people actually do something wrong.
@@snoozyq9576 Hello pot- meet pan! 😏
I fast forwarded because I am from Afghanistan but living in Europe. I was in Afghanistan when Taliban took over and I went through hell to finally be rescused. So the moment I heard the words Afghanistan and Soldiers I was hit by a traumatizing wave and faet forwarded.
I wanted to fastforward because USA is just destroying another poor country for money. But then I thought those soldiers are victims of USA government just as Afghanistan people...
23:00 Marriage Tips Schedulding Directness Autism
Don't get married, problems solved.
You aren’t avoiding problems that way, just prolonging the suffering.