How Brain Injury Affects Marriage
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- čas přidán 13. 07. 2024
- Jeffrey S. Kreutzer, PhD, ABPP, is the Rosa Schwarz Cifu Professor of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU), Medical College of Virginia Campus. There, he is also a professor of Neurosurgery and Psychiatry. Dr. Kreutzer serves as Director of Virginia's federally designated Traumatic Brain Injury Model System and coordinates VCU Health System outpatient services for families and persons with brain injury. For the last two decades, he has been active in implementing empirically based vocational rehabilitation, psychological support, cognitive rehabilitation, and family support programs. Dr. Kreutzer has co-authored nearly 150 peer-reviewed publications, most in the area of traumatic brain injury and rehabilitation. Co-Editor-in-Chief of the international journals Brain Injury and Neurorehabilitation, he has also published a dozen books focused on topics including vocational rehabilitation, community integration, behavior management, and cognitive rehabilitation. Currently, he serves as Editor-in-Chief of the soon to be published by Springer, New York, Encyclopedia of Clinical Neuropsychology.
Taryn M. Stejskal, PhD is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an Advanced Rehabilitation Research Training (ARRT) postdoctoral research fellow at Virginia Commonwealth Medical University (VCU) in the division of neuropsychology in the department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation (PM& R). She received her masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) as well as her doctoral degree from the University of Maryland, College Park (UMCP). At present, Dr. Stejskal is the family support and education coordinator at VCU. She conducts the Brain Injury Family Intervention (BIFI), funded by National Institute of Disabilities and Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR), a clinical research program designed to help families and couples gain necessary education, psychological support, and personal skills after brain injury. Dr. Stejskal trains clinicians to implement the BIFI and presents her work nationally as well as internationally. She has written numerous peer reviewed research and newsletter articles on the impact of brain injury on couple and family relationships. Dr. Stejskal is also a volunteer co-facilitator for the Brain Injury Association of Virginias (BIAV) family support group, and she is an executive board member of the Community Futures Foundation (CFF).
On April 24th, 2009, BrainLine had the opportunity to sit down with Dr. Kreutzer and Dr. Stejskal to talk about their work with traumatic brain injury survivors and their families.
My husband had a brain injury a few months ago, he use to be a jerk before his accident. Now we talk more we share more time together and he helps me with everything now
40 years ago I had almost zero "help" after brain surgery. They wanted me to go on government aid and not work again. I got angry and it worked well because I had a good career and am getting ready to retire nicely. Therapists, psychologists, doctors and other medical so-called professionals were counterproductive profit seekers.
Mr Johnson . Consider yourself blessed after I was injured it's been an up hill battle.
@@vanessasmook4229 I probably spent 8 years crawling my way back to normalcy. Some things are a struggle today.
My husband does rather well for someone who experienced a moderate TBI. However, he seems identical to someone with Alzheimer's disease on some days. He doesn't even remember our wedding. At all. Thank you for this video and for your work in this field which is not studied nearly enough!!
As a person with a brain injury I think sometimes couples stay together because the uninjured spouse feels like society would judge her badly for leaving and the brain injured can be financially dependent on the uninjured. I was married for 10 years before and have survived for 20 more years together. I feel sometimes that we stayed together for those reasons and for the kids. For my part, I simply cannot conceive of being with anybody else and what life would be like other than I would have no income or anything. Yet my wife has made it very clear that I am a burden to her, she is not romantically interested in me, and that she harbors many regrets. It has been this way for the last twenty years, more or less. But I loved my kids, I had hope for the future, I was somewhat high functioning still (enough to appear fine but fail enough in life activities to be maddening), and there were some nice times in there between us. Those were the exceptions. Anyway, though I think your message is sweet and hopeful, I think it would be useful to address some of the darker aspects of why a couple might stay together and how they should look at those societal and economic pressures. For they will almost inevitably come up, and I think it worthwhile to prepare viewers in advance with a means of taking them i to account, I have no idea of how to do so, but it would be refreshing to hear somebody discuss that topic.
I am very stressed living with my brain injured husband
I really relate to what you say, my husband has the TBI, physically looks fine and is fine, Cognitive, he drives me mad I get so angry with the questions, and forgetfulness lack of awareness and social skills.The I hate myself for feeling resentful. 😞
@@pandoramoore3794 Really wish somebody would seriously address the topic. I see a real tendency to whitewash the problems and stress involved. I have heard that there are some support groups out there for the "caretakers." Always those groups are not very convenient ... Any
I've not found a lot of information on couples affected by TBI that are unmarried and without children. My partner and I are only kids ourselves practically (he's 22 and I'm 19) and all I've seen so far are horrible people telling me that his accident has doomed our relationship. I refuse to believe that. What has your charity observed in young couples affected with TBI? I can imagine a lot of people especially in new relationships would run away, but we've been together quite a long time now and an engagement was not off the table for the near future prior to the accident. I don't know where we stand now as I've not been able to see him yet (despite it happening a month ago as the accident was in another country he was visiting) but he's projected to recover well and his personality doesn't seem changed. I'll continue to love him even if he has - I could never stop loving him. I'm just terrified that maybe his opinion of ME will have changed.
Hey, I am a similar boat as you were 5 years ago when you posted this comment. Long term relationship, not married, partner has TBI. Do you have any words of advice for me or anything about your life that you can tell that will help me to understand what should I do or what did you do?
Thanks
After 26 years of dealing with my husbands brain injury , it’s getting much worse lately and I’m at my wits end with despair and no help from family
I understand completely, I'm 3yrs in and because he looks so well and come so far from the hospital days everyone thinks I should be grateful, I describe him as having autism and dementia....I feel trapped
@@pandoramoore3794 is it that bad? Does he have any income from SS? What does he do every day? Does he drive? Does he have any hobbies?
@@kimp4412 He plays computer games. He's nit great with socialising as he can bore people he talks at them rather than with them and can't pick up on how others are. He forgets everyday what day it is we have same conversations over and over as he forgets he's told me stuff. I just end up being mean to him out of stress. He's completely unaware of how others are feeling. No we got no help at all from social. He can walk talk etc the fact he lost his job as an engineer because he just couldn't cope with that anymore counted for nothing.
@@pandoramoore3794 Can you ask a friend/another couple to go on a walk or lunch with you and your husband? If you explain to that friend/couple that your husband is not well as far as socialization and your friend would have to excuse your husband's inabilities and just go with the flow and whatever happens happens? Also preface the conversation with the fact that if the friend is not comfortable or cannot help, that you totally understand and no hard feelings. Sometimes other people are afraid or just have no idea how to help. Try asking a friend for exactly what you need. I know that I would help my own friend if he/she was in this position. Maybe it could be a once a week little adventure to look forward to. I am so sorry you feel alone and trapped. Just know there are people thinking of you and sending you love and light.
I'm never going to get better
Ya my husband has no memory and it makes me crazy. We r five years post stroke and it’s still very hard
I having been the one with a tbi have went from being a romantic relationship for 10 years, now 10 years later that romantic relationship has changed to one of being of a friend, me being more caring and having maybe a better place just me trying to help out more at home and I think he gets frustrated and upset but understands what has gone on over the past 20 years
I was the caregiver before I got my brain injury (Got my brain injury over 22 years ago from hydrocephalus and brain surgery, lot of pressure on my brain since I was born without knowing about the hydrocephalus, the neurosurgeon told me I was born with it), now we have to care as best we can for each other. We're both sick with chronic conditions, been together for almost 32 years, married for over 30 years. You just deal the best you can with what you've been dealt. 😴 Sleep helps a lot! lol ...And keeping away from toxic people. 😏😉
What I'd be interested in seeing is, how is the dynamic different when women are injured...though they are less frequently victims of TBI, new research from a group of neurologists at Stanford University suggests that the damage women suffer is more widespread. Its similar in that aspect to cardiopulmonary injury. While less frequent, far more damaging...and with more women going to college these days and driving to work I suspect we are going to see some changes in all of these dynamics over the next few decades. (I have PhD credits in Clinical Neuropsychology and am working on my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and Neurology Nurse Practitioner.)
I don't believe any woman could cope with my TBI "quirks"-(Repeating Myself,Poor Short Term Memory,Speech Issues,Short Temper etc)..😢...
I have 2 frontal lobe tbi's and my wife my friends and even my parents have abandon me - I would have rather died after the first accident
Jason Stockman I’m so sorry.
trust me I feel you! The way people abandon us after is so messed up, but I get it. They just don't know how to deal.
First of all I am so sorry Secondly I am in the fifth year post stroke after husbands stroke. He is very very cognitively impaired. If I had jars in heaven to contain my tears I tell ya there would be aplenty. It has pushed me to the absolute limit of what I can handle and I have days where I don’t know if I can do it.
Fascinating discussion on how brain injury affects marriage. I am especially intrigued by how the divorce rate of those marriages affected by brain injury is actually lower than the national norm. Of course, they also commented how many of those marriages may have been strong before the injury occurred. It still intriguing nonetheless.
We had been married for approximately 22 years when I was in a severe accident. We knew each other since we were pre-school. We had older teens that were going through a rebellious stage, and their focus was on them and not the family. My husband tried to have conversations with them, but it wasn't successful. We have done very well - as now I understand - it's the long term relationship and knowing each other. As we enter into our 60's, things aren't as well as expected. We have less energy, etc... and my husband isn't a young man anymore. Even tho it has been 17 years (in 2018) since the TBI, we only have two or so people who come to help and know how to help. They do not live close and some fly down to help. Now, there is a terrible trauma that is holding us hostage, and we are trying very hard not to let it get to us. God has been very merciful, but he can't make people do something they don't want. But He has answered many of my prayers and unexpected people have either chipped in and helped, or sat and let us talk, or let my husband talk. These things have been like gold, as it is rare. I'd say our marriage is struggling more now than ever, but when we have the help we need and the support we need, it affects us in a positive way. So that is what I personally believe happens to many. Because of situations beyond any ones control, my family (sisters) have not been available. A bro-in-law has done very good work, in that he would come with my sister about every few months and let us talk, ask deep questions that made me and BOTH of us think about. If not for him, I'm not sure what things would look like. The trauma isn't the TBI anymore. The trauma is what has been said, what has been done or not done, the treatment that has been so unnecessary, and the lack of empathy is stunning. I have a wonder set of doctors who understand our situation of isolation. They do not make us feel guilty, but always ask "how are things at home". While I believe some of my issues are more "trauma" related, as well as my husband's, there isn't much one can do. Education is ignored and because we put on a front so we don't pull people down, that has been a bad thing in reality. We hear (and are concerned) about other family members, some we don't know, and sit and listen to the rambling of issues we are well aware of in those situations. Most of the time, these are people we don't know, so it's hard to help. What hurts, is this person has no idea of what is going on with their immediate family member and the caregiving and fear experienced daily. Never has it been asked "what are you thinking of today"? Or something to let them vent a bit or just have a cry. I try not to be a burden and get up in the middle of the night and do my crying. It triggers the dystonia, and I fear my caregiver will find me, as it would scare them to death. No one seems to "get" the trauma of knowing funeral arrangements are being made and treat it as something I'm fabricating. In 17+ years, we have never had someone care enough to sit and talk on a weekly basis - even about death. (excluding the quick visits from my BIL) People hear me comment and yet, there is no move to talk to understand our situation nor my diagnosis. I am aware I may not live beyond a long long life that other have. I've accepted that and expect my caregiver to go on and live. But if no one will talk or listen, then at times when death has been close, I wonder what will happen? My sister died and it was a shock, but she chose to not speak of things as that is how she coped. At the end, I remember her face when something was said, and now I understand. She realized, like me, she may have made a mistake in not saying how serious things were. When I would say I was so sorry for xxx, she would always get on to me and tell me not to mention as she wanted to be positive. But that seemed so difficult as I wanted to give her my support, but it was refused. She always encouraged me to let others know so I would have help. But it was something she struggled with. Ultimately, her children are older and she had good support and good communication. So I stay confused. I have no family to reach out to, but I know I am loved. They just don't know what to say, yet I am an open book. I NEED them - maybe not physically, but mentally to know they are with us. I do know that the busyness of life has deeply hurt many who are suffering. And I see others suffer and there isn't much I can do, which weighs on me ... the guilt, etc.... My husband is now so shut down, even tho he takes care of me, it isn't like it used to be. I do more than I can, and he can't handled much at all. Which in turn creates more issues of stress with the immune system, and at times I don't know if we can make it. But one day at a time. Family meetings do not happen as they have been refused in the beginning. Lack of understanding and not listening or reading causes more unbelief or as if it is my fault. This is not what I hear at the doctor's office, thank goodness. The neuro has asked for things to be done to help, but it has never been done. He asked someone who came to help, and it was not done. It was asked of my husband, and it has not been done. So each doctor understands I am in this 75% alone, and they will turn cart wheels to help. It is not being negative when I say "I have reached my limit in learning", as the rest must come from outside help or from others. I can't express my self when trying to deal with these things, so I have come to a halt. Yet, the breakdowns, the anxiety that goes alone when the brain isn't processing correctly is because I'm not praying, don't have enough faith, or let God work in my life. I refrain from saying too much in how God is using me in different ways, as that is uncomfortable. This is wear I am not sure how much I can handle and where the deep depression comes. We simply have no one to turn too on earth, and per medical based evidence, I'm living proof of what I feel, and how I feel, and what I do. The trauma started years ago, and it can't be undone with out help. But I do allow grief and then forgiveness, as that is all one can do to keep peace in their life. PLEASE, do more video's... I am an advocate, but I can only do so much. I have researched this and there is answers to your questions that many have said in my surveys. But as you have said - it's education and empathy. One thing I believe with all my being, is the WHOLE IMMEDIATE family must be educated by the doctor. At some point they must go with the patient and let the doctor have 3 minutes to say and validate our health issues. That would do more to help than many realize. Sorry for the book.... I've been told I should write one....but where do you start? :) chatcat76.wordpress.com
I married a person with brain injury not knowing the extent but I can tell you it's a challenge to be on my phone, hearing things that are not said,eves dropping on telephone conversations not trusting,texting and saying things to other people because you are taking to them , acting like a Bible freak , bringing things everyday from the Bible that has nothing to do with our relationship, jumping to assumptions , always accusing ! It's like a living hell 😢😢. But hey everyone is mostly about the victim not the family or spouse
You are not alone. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Being a spouse and a caregiver is tough. We have a few resources that might help: www.brainline.org/caregivers/family-relationships
We didnt handle thing good ended up splitted up i now am on my own, rent a room somewhere else and my family are on their own, i cant get close to them due to domestic violence(i pushed her) im on a restraining order for three years. And i was in jail two weeks. I was in a car accident almost a year ago i had a fracture to the skull i dont remember the accident or my stay in the hospital(3 weeks) all i remember is when i was home i was always cold( it was november in california) and i was in what i call vegatative state because i didnt think anything i would just go to the backyard where there was sun and sit in my camping chair and pass out i dont even remenber when or how i bring myself inside i was like that for one more month, i started to notice and interacting with my family around chrismas time(the date of the car accident was october 26th) she(my wife) always told me that i wasnt the same person and i was always angry and like i said things things didnt work out for me and im not out of my problems yet hopefully things get better.
I never been married.
I never will be.
I like my money, peace and quiet and sanity.
You Nailed ..it
I took care of my wife for 10 years out of 13 years together he had epilepsy with lots of strife she was finally a candidate for surgery on June 2nd 2020 she had her right front lobe removed well she hasn't had a seizure since then but she changed into this heartless fairytale telling malicious person I told the doctors about her anger / short temper they said it will adjust well she's filed 4 restrain orders against me said I kidnapped her and our 2 children for 2 years ,that I beaten her said I've made life threatening threats harrased her she doesn't allow my name to be brought up when my mother takes to the children my children can't say that they love me or miss me by the grace of my CREATOR I've proven myself innocent and the judge has denied the RO's but I'm ruined my reputation,threw me out closed our bank acc, I saw my children 12 times last year and the judge doesn't even care that she don't follow court orders there's no help out there for a loving father ,husband now she filled for divorce and full custody I dont know what to do and without an attorney it makes it worse