My Journey with Dermatillomania.
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- čas přidán 2. 05. 2021
- DERMATILLOMANIA INFO
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I feel like people don’t understand how weirdly trance-like a picking episode is. I could be in my bathroom picking for what feels like 5 minutes, check the clock and it’s been an hour.
They don’t I will sit and watch TV & not even realize I’m doing it, until I’m dripping blood.
I have to really careful now. I have very bad burn scars from a grease fire on Christmas Eve and if I even pick a tiny bit they will literally bleed for 20 minutes. My husband literally walked by and yelled STOPYOURE BLEEDING All over the carpet. I had no clue. 😳 Thankfully the medications they have me on now are helping or my huge scars would be getting way more hideous. 🥺
Its literally an addiction sometimes i will find myself looking for scabs without even realizing. I had holes on my back and i bled so i had to put bandaids so i stop touching it. Its to a point that breeding is normal and i dont care about the pain anymore
Its so satisfying and releases my tension and i get so into it that once i start i cant stop until i ripped every scab on myself i will look everywhere for scabs sometimes even my legs if im really desperate
@@makemecry6604 same, it’s very stress relieving. Which makes it so hard to stop
I don’t know about you guys but I don’t even feel any pain from it .
Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience on this. I agree more awareness on this needs to be built.
Hi Psych2Go!!!
I have been watching your videos a lot recently and they have really helped me a lot! I love your videos so much and your drawings are so cute in your videos!💕✨😁
You could make a vid on this 💕 it would be so helpful
Oh my gosh I just finished watching your daily video today
I love your videos you should make one about this!!!
Hey Psych2Go! I watch your channel have you done any vids on Trich/dermotillomania? If you haven't could you? A lot of people watch your vids and it could really help educate people.
When you said “it’s not a pretty mental illness,” I felt that. People are a lot more accepting of some mental illnesses, but a lot of ones that have a physical manifestation are still really looked down on or not understood. Awareness is important!!!
Me too! So many people are looking to self diagnose, specifically through Tiktok. But mental illness is not fun. It’s not glamorous. And the fact that people assume, judge, and look down on illnesses like these just shows that they haven’t experienced something like this.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone describe this disorder in such a relatable way.
The guilt, the satisfaction, and the determination is absolutely the way I would describe it.
The months and months of my life, literally, that I’ve wasted accidentally harming myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel like you’re speaking my thoughts out loud.
The thing that most people won’t even understand, although I think you will, is that listening to your story simultaneously helped, me but also made me want to pick so much.
Seriously you are amazing for talking about it.
My thoughts exactly Jenny!!!
@@lindsayh.8503 I agree. It’s me too. Different area but the same. Wanting my skin to be smooth. It’s so embarrassing. People think you use drugs. 😔
Yeah, It's like she has all the understanding and none of the visible scarring that are one of the primary associations with shame.
@@MeCooper I don’t have much scarring either so I relate to her a lot. I happen to pick in places that aren’t easy to see. My scalp, my ears, little facial and body hairs.. but the compulsion is often uncontrollable and lasts for hours and hours at a time.
As a person with severe dermatillomania that affects my self esteem and everyday life .. it needs to be talked about more
I think I have the worst of all. I am shame to go to the dr and let them see my legs or body. I'm very ashamed of mine. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older
I agree. 100%.
As someone who also suffers severely, I agree.
I have the sister disorder to D. A Colleen thx you so much
@@lareshia8516 I'm the same.. the humiliation kills me
Who else thinks Colleen is such a strong woman like she’s gonna through ADHD anxiety her skin picking disorder and she had a miscarriage there’s no stopping her! 💜
Yes, preach!
i love your pfp!!! also i totally agree we love you colleen
Weird comment dude, why would you say such a thing
@@JoshHutchersonOfficial just curious why you say that? no disrespect, just trying to understand why you find it weird
she is extremely strong and I'm immensely proud of her. nice pfp too
“this thing i’ve struggled with my whole life, i never knew it was a thing.” that is me currently watching this video realizing that there is a good chance i have this as well. thank you for making this video and opening our eyes to it.
You and me both. I was shocked listening to this because I’ve done this accompanied by all the same emotions for the last 10 years. I can’t believe it might actually be more than poor self control as I always thought it was. I’m so thankful she made this video.
@@Toastlover308 yes!! i feel the exact same way!!
Same. I’ve struggled with picking acne since I started getting it when I was probably 12, particularly any on my back. Which has only irritated the skin and made it 10x worse. I’ll do it when I’m anxious, focusing, bored, angry, etc. basically until it bleeds or I get a “scab” off, and I talked to a dermatologist once about it and she only told me to stop picking because it’ll make it worse, I don’t think she understood it’s not something I consciously do. I’m pregnant now and my hormones have caused an uptick in back acne so I feel like I’m just picking all the time trying to make it smooth or whatever, it’s soooo embarrassing. This is a summer pregnancy and I can’t wear dresses, sleeveless shirts, or tank tops or go swimming because I feel so embarrassed/ashamed. Watching this video helped me know this is a thing and I should probably find a therapist that is familiar with this..
Same here 😱
It’s so sad that she was so emotional and nervous to talk about it the whole time because she is under such a big light that so many people are gonna say horrible things. Im glad she posted this for the people like you who may not have even known. She is such a beautiful person inside and out!!
"Being sucked into a vortex" is by far the best way to describe a session.
I made a video about my dermatillomania about a year ago and was so embarrassed when creating the video because its something I have been suffering with for about 10 yrs. My biggest let down is when i confided in my friend and she simply told me to stop... I literally broke down. Its amazing to know you're not alone as there isn't much on the internet about it and i feel isolated by it. Thank you for speaking on it, I am trying my best to stop. its so hard.
We're so sorry you had to go through that love, we can't "just stop." Feel free to connect with our community at pickingme.org
@@pickingmefdn7441 Thank you so much!
Stopping is sooo hard! And my mom does the same thing she thinks that every time she tells me to stop I’ll just magically stop which sometimes makes it worse because it almost makes the impulse harder to ignore
@@emmapritchett6898 It is and people who don't have to deal with dont always understand how difficult it is. Stay beautiful and remember its a marathon not a sprint.
@Jadetra thank you!! ❤️❤️
Can we just appreciate how Colleen can open up about her disorder? A lot of people struggle with this so it’s very encouraging 🙂
Yesm
I struggle with Trichotillomania which is the cousin to dermotillomania. The struggle is real. The embarrassment is real. You are not alone Colleen.
Agree
Yes ma'am
As someone who deals with this disorder too it’s really great to hear somebody actually talk about it
THANK YOU FOR ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SAY "STOP THAT." It is the most humiliating thing I hear when someone notices me digging a small hole in my face.
I don't have this but i bite my nails a lot and always have and everytime someone says "stop that" i get furious like you don't think i've TRIED??? I wish I could just stop that easily
my dad says that when he's w me, but it works in the moment and I know he loves me. so I hope you don't see it in a bad light all the time
Its the worst when they say that because I just feel helpless
Girl. Same. Middle school was super hard.
Honestly same with my hair! Sending you all so much love and prayers! God bless you all!
i cried so hard watching this. i’ve been picking since i was five, and now i’m 25. i didn’t know this was a disorder either, and now i know i can get help. thank you so much, colleen ❤️
I’m a thirteen year old girl going through the same thing for two years now. I do t remember a day where I haven’t picked at my skin. For me it’s my arms, back, face, chest, legs, and hands. You have no idea how comforting this video was for me. I want to get help so bad but I don’t know how.
i was around 13 when i started. i feel that. what helped me was removing myself from toxic friendships and situations and i found then my skin got better, and once i was back in a toxic friendship it got worse again. it’s hard but i know you can do it. try going to the bathroom with the lights off, keeping your room dim. wearing longsleeves and even windbreakers in the summer to cover your arms. keep something to fiddle with. this could be a pen cap, a stone. anything. whatever place you pick the most, work on that and that will help it get better. i wish you the best of luck in your journey
I'm a 30 so male, you're not alone. I grew up in an abusive household and mine flared up at around 20.
Find some adult in your life who you consider a friend and trust completely, that you consider he or she will truly help you, be that your mother, father, aunt, etc you get the point and ask them to help you get into therapy as soon as possible. You're young and there's a very high chance you'll overcome this affliction.
I wish you all the best in the world, and you're never alone.
I'm 15 for me it's arms back face and chest
im 13 too and literally rip off the skin of my face legs and scalp. i mean it- there are scars everywhere and it affects everything in my life and kills my self esteem. you're not alone in this. i know it gets hard but the best thing to do is distract yourself or fidget with something and I like to cover mirrors to avoid picking at my face for hours.
i really wish you the best, lily.
I started when I was 13 as well. I’m 22 now and I can honestly say that the very best thing I ever did to “cure” my dermatillomania was Accutane. It helps with healing skin and reduces scarring, so eventually I stopped picking because there literally was just nothing left to pick at! And I picked at EVERYTHING, face, chest, arms, back, legs and when all that was destroyed I’d even start picking my teeth obsessively. There is hope for you and even if the picking doesn’t stop, the shame will.
“It’s not a pretty mental illness” thank you, for putting into words something that is so hard to express
Xx
What is a “pretty mental illness”? This world is so not ok haha
@@jaycieblancett821 literally. ive been so ashamed to talk about my depression cause the media’s representation is just so off. no one talks about blood stained sheets, being so smelly to the point where it’s like a toxic waste room not a bedroom and suicide attempts, how u don’t even feel anything when trying to kill urself. it feels so okay. the media’s representation is: failing tests sometimes, being “sad” and it’s like stfu.
i’m confused, there are no pretty mental illness. it seems almost invalidating other mental disorders
never ever have i heard someone put this into words. i have been struggling this for as long as i can remember, it’s part of me. you literally explained the entire thing so so well. thank you
exactly!!! i had to send this video to my partner bc i have always struggled to explain the emotions and difficulty that come with it and how it’s not just that simple to stop doing. it’s hard for him to understand the extensiveness of this disorder but she explained it well enough for him to understand. i’m so thankful. and he’s been so understanding.
Same
I have had this issue as long as I can remember. I had NO IDEA this was a thing.
I have had this my whole life (starting around the teens, but may have been mildly in my childhood too, in hindsight) I don't know anything about it
Or how to stop or manage it
I have had it very severely or less severely throughout the years, but it's always present
Recently I started looking into information about it
I wonder if that's the reason this came on my reccomended
Same!
First of all, I wanted to say thank you for sharing this with the world! I’ve been like this for at least…5-6 years now. It’s not fun. My parents will tell me constantly not to pick at my face. My mom will yell at me. Telling me I might as well just put a knife to my face. She doesn’t understand how that makes me fell. It makes me feel… alone. Hurt. Disgusting. Crazy. I have never been diagnosed with dermatillomania. I do want to get checked by a dermatologist though for it. It’s somthing that when other people hear me say I think I have it, they laugh. It’s not fun. It’s destroyed my body. The skin on my toes is hard and scabby. My knees are covered in scabs. I have a dent in my hand from picking at a wound. I have 4 scabs on my head. Those are the worst. I feel.. some sort of relief when I pick. Whether it’s my hand,fingernails,arms,legs, or head, it’s somthing of a routine to me. And I wish I could stop. I’ve tried. And failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed! It’s somthing that people that do not have this condition do not understand. I want to say thank you again for just opening up. Because before I saw this video, I felt like a complete outcast. A weirdo. But this makes me realize that I’m not the only one! That I’m not crazy. That there are others going through the same thing as me.
Oh my gosh I can definetley relate to the struggles and fights with my mom too. It just makes the situation even worse and you feel even more like a horrible person . . . making you want to cope with your feelings by picking. Such a fun cycle isn't it? I haven't been officially diagnosed with dermatillomania either but I have been diagnosed with anxiety and have talked to my doctor and working with my therapist on the issue. As a result I have been put on anxiety medication in hopes that it will help with the picking. I have been spending hours a day picking my scalp and face for years where I constantly have wounds and my face is covered in permanent scars. I am always struggling with the feeling of trying and failing as well. I'm glad I don't have to feel like the crazy one either. I guess we are less alone than we think. It's awesome that you are planning on getting help because it makes the situation feel less hopless and out of your control . . . at least for me. However it's definitely not a cure to stop picking like Colleen said. It's denfinetley a relief reading your comment and being able to relate to many parts of your story. So thank you and I hope that we can both find motivation to keep trying and trying till we succeed
@@racheldursteler1783 I've never related to something more then this. I'm glad you found some sort of comfort in my comment! I still haven't been diagnosed, but I have been diagnosed with EXTREME anxiety and OCD tendencies. And those two conditions combined makes since of the picking! I have a salon manicure on right now and I've noticed it really helps with the picking because for one, I'm not able to bite my natural nails without ruining the manicure and the edges of the nails simply aren't sharp enough to lift up scabs!
God, it's so hard to talk about a compulsive disorder. It's so embarrassing to admit, "yeah, I do this think I know will harm me but I just can't stop." I'm so glad you talked about it and had the courage to share with us even though it can be outright humiliating. Thank you for setting such an amazing example.
I relate so strongly to yelling “please stop! Just stop!” in my head when I’m picking and just feeling helpless.
I have ocd and I would say that to myself too it mad me super depressed I couldn’t stop having ocd
I try super hard to stop i put bandaids on my wounds and i wear a beanie when im at home chilling so i dont dig holes in my scalps. Ive got two scabs on my head that ive been repeatedly ripping off for almost a year and im scared to get bald spots so i try really hard to stop
feel you 100%
My ep never last up to an hour because I put all my force into doing it my pain comes quicker, and when I notice it I run and put socks on because I'm so ashamed of myself
Im really sorry this lowkey made me cry bc j recently started picking my legs i just related too much too. much luv
People love supporting mental health issues until the "gross" stuff. Oh you support my depression and anxiety and cptsd, but can't understand why I haven't been able to shower or do the dishes this week.
They call us gross they just want us to be a idealist version of the tortured soul.
No we're humans and suffering.
Well said
Yep ♡
EXACTLY
This!!!
Exactly
I've always lied that I was having a breakout on my face when it was really red and flared up. But in reality I had spent hours in the bathroom picking at my face. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this. Thank you, I feel understood.
I literally do the exact same thing. The face picking can be so brutal and just destroys your self esteem when you look in the mirror and see all the white scars, red patches, and scabs.
I have never heard of this! My 8yr old does this, around her nails. To the point that it bleeds. I always thought it was just a nervous tick. She’s being tested for autism, so I assumed it might have something to do with that. I’m going to bring this up to her doctors! This is really eye opening.
Hang in there! I also am struggling with my daughter. I knew she was having some stress, anxiety and some self esteem issues, but I really didn't put two and two together until we had sort of conquered it, and then when school started back it just reached a new level. We are working together, talking about feelings, and going therapy. Also, idk if this will help you or not but some small fidget toys have helped her curb the picking. Obviously all people are different and it may not work, but ever since she's been able to keep her hands busy I've noticed a decrease in sores/severity in sores. Again, good luck! Sending you some positive vibes ❤
Don’t make a big deal about it, not noticing is better
It is common in autistic people.
It might be both honestly. Skin picking can definitely be considered a stimulatory behavior, so I can imagine that Autism and dermatillomania could be diagnosed comorbidly.
@@WO-yx5lt So now I'm autistic?! 😫
"well stop picking your skin!?" "well stop having anxiety" "Well STOP JUDGING PEOPLE FOR THINGS THEY CANT CONTROL!"
Have you heard about the picking rocks? The rocks with holes covered in glue so you can pick the glue off. They are specifically designed for skin picking disorders.
That’s a really amazing clever tool! Thanks for sharing
That’s cool
Wow
I have trichotillomania and the trance you talk about is SO REAL. Its so hard to explain to people but you describe all of the feelings so well. Thank you for sharing your experience, the shame and embarrassment is some of the worst, so I know how much strength this took 🖤
Totally agree.
I totally felt this, "this thing I've struggled with my whole life, I never knew it was a thing." So, so, SO relatable!! I have OCD, ADHD, clinical depression, and anxiety (yes, I'm a mess! 😇😁) and usually pick out of boredom, my ADHD, and to quiet my anxiety. Like you, Colleen, my picking starts with seeing some imperfection on my skin, usually my face, and I will feel as if I have been in the mirror for 5 minutes when, in all actuality, it has been 2+ hours, and my face will be exponentially red and inflamed. EMBARRASSING! I will isolate myself in fear of other people seeing the aftermath of my over picking. Again, like you, I will be in a 'trance-like state' where the world around me doesn't exist; I am only fixated on the thing I'm picking...i will constantly and repeatedly tell myself just one more and I'm done, but that NEVER happens. I have had multiple cases of cellulitis, abscesses, and folliculitis due to my picking.
Colleen, thank you so much for making and posting this video! It's nice to know that my identical twin sister and I are not alone!
I feel this so hard. I have over 40 hydrocolloid patches on rn. You’re not alone :( It sucks so much.
The amount of scars on my face due to this is really sad. It’s so embarrassing to go out in public with actual bleeding holes in my face. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who experiences this.
Same
Just always remember you are beautiful and you are not alone! ❤️
I can relate. And having masks now to cover it has made me feel I can pick more.
Yeah, my face is so red all the time and you can see the imprints and the part where the skin broke from my finger nails pressing it. Touching my face so much actually gave me horrible acne, and that just added to it. I’m obsessed with squeezing and prodding at the acne which doesn’t help at all and makes it worse, this continuing the cycle. Gosh I want to stop so bad.
I relate so bad, i dont even wear tanktops anymore because of the scars and/or bruises/wounds i love the heat of summer but nowmatter how hot it gets im wearing a short sleeve
Colleen , there is no reason for you to be embarrassed we love you , and we are so proud of you for opening up , we love you so much
I picked my scalp as an adolescent when I was watching tv/zoning out/bored, have always bit the skin around my finger nails, bite my nails, pick pimples to the point of bleeding and scarring and lose track of time when doing it. It’s SO HARD TO STOP. I’ve been picking my scalp so hard lately that my scalp burns in the shower from the hot water; I haven’t ever been there before. Thanks for talking about this and being open-you’re not alone in this!
Hi I just wanted to reach and hope that you are doing okay. I have been having a bad time with my scalp picking and it has been really hard to try and stop. My partner is putting a scalp treatment on every night but it burns so much every time, I cry and bite t
a pillow, but it still feels itchy afterwards. Hoping this was something I will forget about for a while. Also, I find running it under cold water helps when there's burning etc.
The burning of your scalp in the shower is the worst after you have been picking your scalp for hours! I have been struggling with the scalp picking recently too which is strangle because my main problem is picking my face.
@Rachel Dursteler me too actually. i have been picking at my face for probably 10 years now . more recently in the past year or half a year, ive been scratching at my scalp and it gets so bad that it burns in the shower. i wonder why we picked up the 2nd habit more recently. i thought it was my way to divert my energy away from skin picking, but now i just have 2 main problem areas :^(
I've lived with this for over 10 years and I've only ever told 2 people. Its incredibly embarrassing and shameful. Thank you for sharing this and raising education. I appreciate your transparency.
Colleen, I feel like I can say for this whole comment section that we are NOT disgusted by you nor think you’re a freak.
We love you, care for you, and wish we could give you a hug. 💕💕
Telling someone with Dermatillomania to just stop picking is like telling someone with an arm to stop having an arm.
Girl I have trich and it’s bad. I have bald spots and my hair is so thin and I’m only 30. I feel you. It’s beyond frustrating. Warm hugs. 💛
I don't even know when I started picking. I literally type and pick at the same time right now. Thank you so much for making this video and helping me realise i am not weak and that I have an disorder. I had people tell me to stop because it pisses them off, but I just hid my fingers under a scarf and went on because i could not just stop. When you said it's not a pretty disorder i felt that to soul, people will be more supportive to those with anxiety or depression but shake heads when i have my fingers covered with blood saying i should just patch up all my fingers, as if I had not tried it many times. You are not alone! Be strong, we will fight this together.
We may not completely understand (for those of us who haven’t experienced it) but we do sympathize with you. You’re not weird or gross. We are our own worst critics. We love you so much.
I’m glad she talks about this because it’s so important to inform people about what you’re going through.
Yeah, she's very strong, we all respect her because of it.
Yea and we want her to feel open and comfortable taking about it.💕💕
Agreed
Yeah she’s the best ❤️💋
Trying to build up the courage to finally show this video to my mom. I've been struggling with the symptoms of dermatillomania for at least 6 years now but, if I remember correctly, this video was the first time I became aware that it was an actual condition. I haven't been to the doctors yet, mainly out of fear and embarrassment, but a year later I think I'm ready to finally be honest about it and so I'm hoping my mom will watch and try her best to understand because sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in this and no one can see it. thank you for sharing this video - in the year since even though I have not been diagnosed I feel a shred of light after my episodes, during the shame spiral, where I remember that I am not the only one who struggles immensely with skin picking and there is potential treatment out there. we are not weak, and we are not alone. thank you colleen.
Same but i had this for 10 years ☹️
Same, i’ve had it for 13 years and I showed this video to my mum but i’m still too ashamed to get professional help ):
I'm going to share this with my mom too!
I’ve struggled with this for years and haven’t really found relief. I recently got acrylic nails for the first time and was unable to pick my skin. It hasn’t resolved my problem, but it has helped!
One of my service dogs tasks was interrupting my compulsive behaviors, including skin picking and hair pulling
I'm curious to know, how did it interrupt?
Im curious too!
I didn’t even know a service dog could do that!! How amazing!
I was going to mention this too. My sister was working on getting one for hers.
They are trained to look for key factors.. like someone moving there hand towards there hair in a certain way. Or pick up on the key emotions effecting you personally. Its a long process for the person and animal. But it is fully possible and really does wonders.
im so proud of colleen for opening up about this.
Bring back miranda
Dude. I needed this. You are a hero. There are literally millions of us.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. My sister always watches your videos and she noticed that my picking was getting worse. She is so supportive and doesnt make me feel ashamed and she told me bout this video and I am beyond grateful ❤
To hear that someone else not only is going through the same thing but feels the way I do about it, makes me feel sane and kinda at ease.
Please don't feel embarrassed about your disorder! We appreciate how you're educating everyone about this.
I second this! Over the past year, Colleen has made me feel so less alone and not as “weird” for having these struggles. She helps me feel less ashamed and embarrassed. Even if I am the only one, she has helped me immensely.
@@kacie_shipman i agree with you! its great that someone is being so open and honest, its comforting that youre not alone.
I’m calling my therapist tomorrow and asking him to help me with this. You did that. Thank you.
Are you alright?
I can't imagine how difficult this was to post. I have struggled with skin picking on my fingers for as long as I can remember and I share your feelings of shame and guilt. It is so difficult to hide the calluses, scabs, and broken skin to prevent others from seeing and questioning it. It's a comfort tool that I have had no luck in giving up fully, and I can't image myself ever dealing with anxiety without it. THANK YOU so much for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable in this video, and KNOW that you are not alone. You have a whole team of people suffering from dermatillomania who understand and are here to support you. ❤
The emotions you showed in this video are exactly why I have such a hard time with this disease. I cried with you all the while keeping my head up high because you were being strong for the rest of us. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting us out there feel that we aren’t an embarrassment… that there are others experiencing such confusion when we pick but we aren’t alone!
I have dermatillomania too and it is so important for me to hear that I'm not alone. I don't wish it on anyone, ever. But it feels nice to know I'm not the only person in the world who has it. My arms are all scratched up and full of scars, I can barely wear shirts without wearing something over my arms...
sending so much love and support!
Her talking about this has brought me out of the shadows of my own shame about this. I have suffered in silence and shame with this for YEARS.
you are not alone!❤️
Sending love
❤️
I’ve always picked my fingers and been embarrassed of them. I can’t stop and didn’t know this disorder existed. Now I’m thinking I have this. Thanks for talking about this.
Thank you for opening up! There are so many people you are helping!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Update on my Dermatillomania, back to square one czcams.com/video/0IfKiUrIW6Q/video.html
This is what courage looks like.
Girl I have the sister disorder, Trichotillomania. I make sure to tell every single person who says something derogatory or questions why my eyebrows don't match or why my eyelashes are gone. The only way we'll stop feeling shame is if we educate, educate, *EDUCATE*. Thank you for talking about it.
Me too, sister. I didn’t know it had a name until a few years ago. Sending you love!
Oh I’m sorry I dont have this but I have alopecia areata (my hair falls out)and its hard when people ask you why your eyebrow is gone or why I have no eyelashes ik i dont have the same thing as you and for you it probably is way worse i just want you to know that your not alone!
I have this too
You are so BRAVE! Thank you for sharing this with thousands of people! You have already helped so many people. Your time and healing will come. You are STRONGER than you think.
Oh my god thank you so much Colleen for talking about this. I sat crying though this entire video because I thought I was just weird and weak as well and I do the exact same thing. My mom has noticed and she keeps telling me to stop but I can't. I thought I was just weird or crazy or something but now I'm going to look into this because everything you've described is something I've experienced. Thank you.
Who would be the un-empathetic jerk who would hear a vulnerable moment like this and say "ew you're weird" or "why don't you just stop?" ...?!? Colleen, if this is what you're experiencing, if it's real for you, then it's real and it deserves compassion. Thank you for sharing.
It’s hard when people say, “Just stop” like it’s not that easy
Those people are just so scared of being vulnerable themselves that it makes them uncomfortable I guess ... pay no attention to them
I’m 18 and I suffer with dermatillomania ocd and anxiety. Thank you. Just thank you.
She’s literally saying everything I’ve felt for so long. It makes me so fuckin emotional bc finally someone else experienced it
I am taking an abnormal psych class and we were learning about this and it made me realize that Dermatillomania is a real disorder and not something only I do. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope your journey is going well! I relate a lot to this video and I’m so glad someone is talking about it. Much love 💜
As a mental health practitioner, thank you for normalizing this. You’re so strong & brave & I am so proud of you!
At 29, I can still picture the moment a classmate loudly told my teacher in 5th grade that my scalp was bleeding from trich. My grandmother tried bribing me with books to stop me from doing it. I didn't need books, I needed a therapist. I needed help.
I have picked at my scalp for years but i didn’t think it could be trich because i thought that was pulling out your hair. Could i possibly have trich?
@@kristenhanes1365 I live with the big three of bfrb (skin picking, hair pulling and nail biting) and bounce between them. I was pulling hair out and then picking and scratching at the wound. It's possible, like Colleen said, during the trance of an episode. I wish I could provide more insight, but I don't want to steer you in the wrong direction.
I'm sorry that happened, I don't pull from my scalp just my eyelashes and it's painful, bc where I pull is where it's not as noticable but where it hurts and I can't stop and my eye will hurt for almost two days
@@kristenhanes1365 I have Dermotillomania and my focus areas are my scalp and my ears. If you are pulling out your hair and then picking at it then you might have trich too, but if your only "intent" (I put it in quotes because you really don't intend to do that you get sucked into it like an addiction) is to pick at your skin on your scalp then I would say its Dermotillomania but I am not a doctor I am just someone who struggles with BFRBs.
@@tehechristatehe Thank you so much, so well put, I really appreciate it♥️♥️
OMG I literally cannot even explain to you how much it means to me that you, a very famous and beautiful and successful person, are openly talking about this because I have struggled for YEARS and I'm absolutely embarrassed in the same way you are. I'm crying so much right now because I've never in my life seen a public figure say they struggle with this and I'm so happy and relieved to know I'm not as alone as I feel. Like I KNOW other people struggle but its still SO RARE and nobody understands and you have just explained everything so well. THANK YOU. You have made me feel so much better just from sharing your story, and I am also searching for answers as I have been for over a decade now. You are so brave for sharing this because I know how hard it is for me to talk about, it is easily the thing I am most guarded about and even as a very open person it is so difficult for me to open up about. I just want you to know how much the things you say resonated with me and I'm sure many others. Again, thank you Colleen. You have touched me very deeply today.
Also, I just got to the point in the video where you said somebody chastised you for saying you feel gross, and let me just say that anybody who would criticize you for saying that clearly has no personal struggle with it because although everybody feels differently and experiences the illness differently, EVERYONE who struggles with it feels some sort of remorse/regret/shame after picking so the "gross" feeling is literally part of the illness. Keep sharing your own truth
I feel understood after this video, thank you so much. I was thinking to myself "Finally, someone put it into words!" You hit the nail on the head when you're screaming at yourself "Just stop! Stop, look at what you're doing!", and the feeling of immense guilt and shame afterwards. Thankfully my treatment has been helpful, and I'm still trying. You being so open about this has helped me feel like I'm not alone. Sending so much love to you (and everyone else) ❤️
Oh Colleen, I am 53 years old and have struggled with this my whole life. I understand the shame and embarrassment. Please know you aren't alone. ❤
Do you still do it? You think Colleen will over come this or she will have this all her life?
@@zairabandy8695 ldepends. Everyone is different. I did. It took a long time. A long time. I thought my scars would never heal. My fingers always looked so gross. I always hid them. And my feet? Always wore socks. Now I next ro never wear socks unless it’s tennis shoes
i am so sorry 😞
YES telling her to not be embarrassed is invalidating her feelings. Thank you for your comment.
I’ve had it for 25 years now :(
Colleen, do not EVER hide from this. Don’t feel gross. Don’t feel ashamed. Be you and don’t feel embarrassed. dermatillomania is something you can’t control and you are stronger than it. I’m so proud of how strong you are and I’m so happy that you’re slowly but surely getting better by the day. We love you.
I didn’t even know dermatillomania was a thing until I listened to you open up about it.I have recently realised that my whole life I have been picking at my skin on my head my arms my feet and my fingers.I have always been told by people that it’s “just a bad habit” and that I should “stop picking” I was in class once and I was very anxious so I started picking my finger and my teacher pulled my hands away and made me sit on them.so I think this needs to be talked about more ❤️thankyou Colleen for opening about such a hard thing to go through ❤️🥰
Please do not be embarrassed. You are so strong for this and it’s already a huge step of healing. Me and so many other people are so proud of you and we love you ❤️
you’re the only influencer I’ve ever heard speak about this so openly and it has helped me realize it wasn’t just me and now I can actually start talking about it, thank you so much Colleen🥺
You are NOT a freak, Colleen. You are so strong and brave for opening up about this. I’ve been watching you for years and years and I’ve noticed how you feel shameful bringing it up. I’m so proud of you. The frustration you feel is beyond valid. We love you so much.
👏👏👏
No need to be embarrassed, I think it is awesome that your opening up, you will for sure help many!
This is incredibly helpful, my daughter is 9 has adhd, ocd and lately I have noticed her picking at her legs and arms. It never crossed my mind this could coincide with this disorder. Thank you so much for making this video.
I have been dealing with skin picking since I was 8 years old. My "dad" used to scream at me anytime he caught me picking and that made it worse. I'm going to be 24 in July. My fiance has helped me realize when and why I do it. Please don't feel gross, Colleen. We love you so much!
I'm so sorry your father couldn't understand what you were going through.
I hope you're doing better now.
Same. My fiancé pointing it out does help and he tries to get me to
Focus my attention onto something else. Sometimes you need that otherwise you’re just in a trance
I’m 58 and have been doing it to my fingers and especially my thumbs ever since I can remember. I never knew that it is an actual diagnosed condition or even that it has a name! The only way I was able to stop was when I had false nails for about 7+ years but when COVID hit I wasn’t able to keep up
with them and I automatically went back to picking my thumbs again. Even after that amount of time I still wasn’t able to kick the habit, which is what I thought it was! It’s very interesting for me to read all of the comments and realise how many people have the same affliction. It’s way more common than I thought.
Yes parents screaming at you makes it worse
Oh I wish I could give you a hug 😪 I am so sorry you’re struggling so much with this and I’m sending a crazy amount of love to you xx
Same I wish I could just hug her
Hahahha
Same here 💕
Same. Xoxo Colleen
Me too I wish I could jump out of the screen and give her a hug to tell her it’s ok 🤧
It's nice to find other people who can relate, it really deserves more awareness and to be taken seriously by people. I myself had no idea this was a thing until around 2 years ago, kind of a shock finding out that this is what I've been struggling with every day for 8 years :)
I recently realised I have dermatillomania and after a picking episode I feel anxious about going to school the next day which triggers it even more. I feel comfortable here that someone can speak up abt dermatillomania. thank you.
As someone who has had OCD and depression for ten years (i’m only 21) I know the shame of feeling like you can’t stop. You’re not alone Colleen and we all love you!
I have social anxiety...is so overwhelming
I don’t really have a disorder, but I do have diabetes. It is way harder then you would ever imagine. You were born in this world for a reason, so have a great day! Ily
I have rumination tendencies with irrational fears that trigger me. And when she talks about being sort of sucked in to a zone. That’s how I get. For example I fear getting schizophrenia or going crazy LITERALY FOR NO REASON. It’s not in my family at all and I honestly probably don’t have crazy bad anxiety. But I will sit for days, weeks, months even at times and second guess everything I’m hearing or seeing because I’m so sucked in to my fear.
Totally there with you on the OCD one, it is such a struggle
I literally had no idea this was a disorder until now. I always thought I was so gross for doing it and never understood why it was so hard to stop
I feel the same, never heard of this disorder in italy. Is so sad when people tells you: "please stop it", but you can't...so frustrating :'(
Same
Thank you for making this video. I'm only seeing it now, 2 years later, but this is the best video I've seen about dermatillomania. What you describe in terms of the urges, the ups and downs of emotions (dopamine, shame), everything is also what I go through daily. You mentioned a few times in this video that it's not relatable but it TOTALLY is. I could probably be speaking to the President or the King of England and I'd still be picking at my skin. It's just so unstoppable. Glad you have found therapy for this. I haven't had the courage to go to therapy on this topic, because my skin picking is such a security blanket for me, despite the shame, guilt, uncontrollable nature. I hope even after 2 years you are reaching people and really making a difference, thanks for sharing and for your vulnerability.
Good luck on your struggles for this. I and everyone else will be supporting you with this ❤️ You are amazing for having the gut to share this with us. We’ll love you no matter what.
Can we just give her props for bringing more awareness to a different perspective of mental health disorders. Like some people may not even know that it’s something they can get help for!
you for shedding light on this highly misunderstood disorder. I wish you the best in your recovery, I understand your struggle, and we support you all the way
Exactly🙌🏾 I rip my eye lashes out... like everyday. My anxiety tends to lead me toward it
I have trichotillamania. I wish I was able to post this and feel confident telling people about this. I can’t stop and haven’t been able to since I was 10. I am crying right now because I know this so deeply. You have a friend in me and an ally as we need more people who are open about this.
Same, I've had trich since i was 18, i'm 45 now. I stopped for almost a year and recently started back up and all my new hair is all gone and its the worst its ever been.
I have it too, I am young, and it’s honestly hard going to high school with no eyelashes or eyebrows. It’s hard because I feel like no one I know feels the same way.
@@taylorwhite1643 I went through junior high having teacher ask my parents why I was doing it and thinking that it was me being disrespectful to them. You are not alone.
Same. I’m sorry you feel alone. I’ve been hair pulling, had anxiety, depression, and OCD for over a decade. I’m thirty and ever since the pandemic began it’s gotten worse. You are not alone! I’m sending you love and good vibes! ❤️ ❤️
I'm here too.
I didn’t know that I had a disorder until this video. Thank you for bringing awareness to my own self, Colleen!
Thank you for this. Thank you for being vulnerable, thank you for not only educating but sharing your personal experience despite how difficult. Thank you for making it easier for people like me who struggle with trich and dermatillomania to also share our experiences and thank you for making us feel not so alone!
You’re not alone. I’ve had it since I was a little girl. Not to discourage you, but I’m 52 now, and I don’t fight it anymore. You’re not an idiot. You have so much information about it, that’s hardly an idiot. Anyway, I do it without even noticing it. I only notice when I bleed. Hang in there, Honey. YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Me too....since my teens or early twenties. Back then it was my eyelashes. Then skin on my feet. For a long time now, it's my nails. I've never been diagnosed but looked it up because it was an issue I had no control over. But I experience much of what Colleen has shared about not being able to stop and picking my nails into the quick and experiencing pain later. And not being able to do things like open lids with tabs because one, I have no nails to speak of and two they hurt.
Same, I pick my mouth and I won’t notice until I taste the blood or see it on my fingers
@@SharonHines oh look a self diagnoser 😂😂go to a doctor and get diagnosed first loooll
@@kacirush8878 what was the point they just shared a disorder they think they might have
@@kacirush8878 just cause there not diagnosed doesn't mean it's any less of an issue it's a serious issue people experience
the amount of people you’ve already helped just in these comments is remarkable. my heart is with everyone who is working to recover from this. un dia a la vez
I haven’t watched your content in a while. For no particular reason. But I’m so glad I came across this video. Thank you. It’s nice to have a name for this.
Thank you for being so vulnerable to bring awareness to BFRBs. Someone in my life struggles with one and the general public’s reaction is typically very negative!! I hope this helps changes the narrative! Sending my love to you and anyone reading this who can relate. You are so strong ❤️
you’re not a freak, you’re not gross. your feelings are valid and i totally understand you. we are all here for you
I really hope colleen sees this comment
This video is making me take my 6 year old to the pediatrician. I can’t control her picking. I didn’t know it was a disorder.
Sending you and your little one lots of love ❤ I hope everything goes well and you get answers as well as a treatment plan!
Thank you for doing that, I wish my parents had done that for me. Sending lots of love to you and your little girl.
I have 2 family members who suffered with this in childhood. She’s not alone. You are a wonderful mom for getting her help 💜
hey I started piking my lips around 4 always have extreamly until I bleed and have deep cuts it gets worse when im upset its worse as I got older I started picking at my fingers until I bleed I can't help it I have horrible anxiety never got real help can never find a good therapist
@@marybranch5102 I really hope you find a therapist 🤍🤍🤍
I am so happy you posted this. I just sent it to my mom because while she's super supportive and has never made me feel bad about my derma or tricha, I feel like she just doesn't understand. It's hard to put into words how I feel and this was just 💯 about it.
To a few of us, this IS relatable, Colleen. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience with this. As someone who has been suffering for years, your strength has inspired me to talk more candidly about my experiences.
My friend has this and her husband of 15 years divorced her. He got custody of the kids because he used this against her. She said she regretted letting him know, because he used it against her. She's doing better now but I think its so wrong to use disorders against people. It doesn't stop you from being a good parent. It's so disrespectful to the person suffering
But how would this disorder affect parenting? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make you aggresive or you're not putting in danger others by havinh this disorder
@@vainetuxx That’s what I’m wondering. It’s one of my many disorders, but it doesn’t even break the top 5 that affect my functioning.
I have trichotillomania and not enough people talk about bfrb's and their experiences. That's why so many people don't understand what we're going through. "just stop pulling", "that's so weird ew", "no way that's real" to name a few things I and many others with bfrb's have to hear all the Time... So thank you. 🖤🖤
Hi I have trich too it’s so comforting to see people talking about this stuff
When my husband and I get in arguments I go right for my eyebrows and he tells me to stop it is not at all helpful. I can’t stop, it just makes me feel like a POS when people say stop doing that. Believe me! I wish I could!!
@@jaclynnstrawinski6626 i don’t know anybody with bfrb’s but if i met someone who did and they opened up to me about it, how would i go about consoling them? like, is there anything i could say that might make them feel a little better and make sure they know they can trust me with talking about it? if you don’t feel comfortable answering that’s okay.
Me reading this while pulling my hair like:👁👄👁
@@mac.joy02 I can only speak for myself and what helps me, but basically if people are just there when I need to talk about it. They don’t ask me condescending questions about it or basically what @H.E.K said. I don’t want lip service, but basically when I’m going through an REALLY bad episode, I just want someone to be there to listen and maybe even rub my back and ask if I want to talk about it. Even saying everything is going to be ok is a bit triggering for me and it feels like it’s discounting my feelings sometimes.
Usually I don’t know I’m doing it ( IE; when I’m driving to work), but if I am having an intense episode, those things are incredibly helpful. Thank you for asking for advice, that’s a really good sign that you’re an amazing support person.
Thank you so much for opening up. I can't stop, its embarrassing. I've been doing it since grade school. Mine is connected to my OCD and it feels good knowing that people with a big platform like you are bringing awareness to something that I deal with daily.
Wow you are so brave to tell millions of people this. Even though it’s a mental illness doesn’t mean it’s not embarrassing! There are so so many people that understand. I’m on of them. Thank you for sharing. Thank you so much.
I just want yall to know. I love this woman right here. Colleen Mae Ballinger, she saved my mental health by just being herself throughout this quarantine. I am so grateful to have Colleen as a role model. AND SHE IS AN AMAZING PARENT AND ERIK TOO
Me, my mother, and my grandmother all struggle with this. This video made me cry because I know my mom and grandma are so ashamed of their hands bc they pick their finger nails. I stopped doing that, but I pick my lips. It’s so embarrassing when people point it out :/
Yes!!! Me too! My dad would hit my moms hands when she did it and tell her to stop.
Me too.... my fingers look horrible. Dry, flakey skin with bleeding all around my nailbeds.
Same, I've had people ask me why my fingers look so weird when the skin gets wet (all the places I picked then look extra weird), or why my lips are always so torn. And then to have to tell them I did that myself... yeah no.
i pick my lips whenever they get chapped! i dont really think its a disorder for me though.
@@NinkaaP same.
i really really appreciated u being vulnerable in this, it made me cry. i suffer from skin picking disorder too on my face, and it affects my self confidence so much. picking without realizing, picking for more than hour, to the point of of bleeding and crying. hearing someone else talk about the hardships and unreasonableness of this disorder was so validating, and i appreciated you even filming yourself after an episode, because it truly does feel like that
I do not have this disorder but I do have episodes of obsessive skin picking on my face (short and eventually I am able to stop on my own) but the feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment are sounding all too familiar. The uncontrollable aspect of it made me feel a bit like a monster... I have the highest respect and biggest love for the person you share with us online. Hearing it come from you, that this is something you, as a wonderful HUMAN, are battling, makes me feel.. less afraid and alien to myself when I have those impulses. Thank you for making this part of me feel human Colleen
I’m 51 and no, you’re not alone. Read these comments. You are so loved. So much growth and health and happiness are wished for you on this journey.
I love how open Colleen is about her disorder, her life, her concerns, her insecurities. I think it helps a lot of people who deal with the same issues. Especially knowing that we aren't overly sensitive or dramatic for feeling a certain way :)
Oh my god.. you have said eeeverything i have been going through, ıt's so nice to hear that other people also know what it is. You definetly are not alone.Thank you Colleen 🙏
Thank you for being brave enough to make this video. This is a REAL condition and I suffer from this. I so relate to you and you're not a freak. Keep on with your journey.