7 AMERICAN HABITS THE FRENCH FIND RUDE
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- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
- Learning about cultural differences is fascinating and fun. But sometimes it can be confusing, especially when cultural differences come across as rude. Let's take a look at American habits and norms that are commonplace in the United States but would come across rudely to French people. Don't do these things in France!
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Salut! I'm Diane, an American who has lived in France since 2012 and the creator of the blog/CZcams channel Oui In France. My channel's focus is "Everyday French life and beyond." I make videos on French culture topics, France vs. US culture comparisons, food, travel, language, and give you my thoughts about what it's like living in France as an American in the Loire Valley. Thanks for being here and if you enjoy this sort of thing, please share with friends and subscribe!
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A long time ago as an exchange student in the US, I remember I talked to an American and told him that French people were eating rabbit. He asked me how could I eat rabbit, that is to say how could I eat such a cute animal. However I didn't get it and I genuinely answered "with mustard" !
😂💪🏼👍🏼
As my mom grew up (Ohio on a farm) she had to eat things I had no interest in even trying. We are all different. There are a lot of French foods I don’t care to eat but so what. Let people enjoy their own culture.
😂 excellent
😂
Might I suggest squirrel to that American. Very commonly served dish in US during harder times. However, as with all food, one must know how to prepare it properly.
"A gentleman should always mean what he says otherwise he never says what he means." My grandfather told me a wise lesson.
There is only one thing that you can take with you when you die, it's your word
That's a quote from Bertolucci's movie, The Last Emperor.
My grandfather told me this, "Don't believe anything you hear, and only believe half of what you see."
My Southern American middle aged self in 2007, met 2 French twenty year old kids on a ferry from the NC outer banks to the mainland. My French stinks, but I had a go. They were cycling from Montreal to Miami and I invited them to come stay with us on the coast of S Carolina, (abt 3 days time away on their cycling schedule) I gave them our address and my mobile number. My husband thought I was full goose bozo! The pair called in the afternoon & I said, come on over,and left work. ( I had drawn a map) Poor babies, they were so trepidatious! But I had baked and cooked in advance to offer them goodies to show they were honored guests if they actually showed up. And I had fluffy towels and nice soap bc if they showed, they’d certainly want a long hot bath. It is one of my favorite memories. Not only did my husband adore them, but he became special friends with the young man. The gal, what a ball we had cooking and chatting. I made them use our phone to call their families as I was fairly sure they were low on funds. They were so tired from “sleeping rough” and not having full meals, though they never admitted to such. After they figured out we were not crazy, I told them they should stay for at least one or two weeks to build up their health and they did. We still get occasional cards. I am not an outstanding person of prestige or soul, but I think of that as my ambassadorial moment to wipe out the ugly American notion that is often true. Loved those kids.
That was very generous of you, inviting this intrepid young couple and greeting them so hospitably! And I didn't know the word trepidatious existed, thanks for the addition to my vocabulary ;)
Bless you and Southern hospitality!
That was so nice that you welcomed them into your home like that. I can imagine that this young couple returned to France with a positive image of Americans and shared this positive experience as guests in your home with all their friends and relatives.
Astonishingly patronising and smug.@@simonledoux8519
That was so sweet of you! (And a bit brave, IMO).
I'm born and raised in the US and can't stand when people say they want to "go for lunch sometime and catch up." It took me a long time to realize people were not being sincere. I've even laughed and said, "Yeah, right." And if you do initiate the get-together, be prepared to hear all kinds of excuses why "this time" or "that time" won't work. I just find it really rude and inconsiderate.
Did you ever stop to consider - even for a nanosecond - that you are being given a clear message that your company isn’t valued? Yikes. Talk about clueless.
@@charleshamilton9274 Complete BS on your side. You're just being rude for no reasons, just for the pleasure it gives you : It really is like Diane (and azurebluehc) is explaining it : To most Americans, this turn of phrase is just (and only) a "Floskel" (german word) in a conversation, like you would, for instance, in Portugal, end/ponctuate a casual, friendly, positive encounter, still without any meaning to it, with "até já"... In France, 3 or 5 years ago, it was hype/fashionable / slang to give a kind of a "see you later, Alligator" "- in a while, crocodile", which would go like this :
" À plus, dans l'bus !" To which you would have had to answer -- provided you wanted to play along/ not leave them hanging/ be collegial , with : " à plus tard, dans l'car ! " . Nota Bene: Nobody in this exchange is gonna be taking the bus anywhere together. They're just fist-bumping, high-fiving one another, exchanging a secret, personal elaborate handshake
@charleshamilton9274: Why would a person suggest having lunch with someone whose company they don't want? Insincere statements makes a person look small and immature.
@@300books I think charles meant the part about the which time won't work excuses. Buuut, i'm pretty sure that those people possibly just was busy and the OP chose the wrong time options.
I was also born and raised in the US - by European immigrant parents. I was a young adult before I learned that Americans say things like that (let’s get together etc) and don’t mean it. If I invite someone to come over I mean it. Several years ago I invited an entire family who I barely knew for a holiday in my home. We waited and waited and finally I called her, thinking maybe they got lost or something. She said “oh you were serious?” I literally gave her a time and it was a major Jewish holiday. I never spoke to that woman again. I think that this American fakeness is specifically American; I’ve been to LOTS of countries and have never encountered this type of behavior elsewhere and I was also not raised that way.
As a teenage French(Parisian) I also have other advices for tourists …Please respect them because it really annoys us ….
Number 1 : please stop going in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD to take an Instagram picture in front of Eiffel Tower or the Arc de Triomphe !
Number 2: Stop putting your feet on public transport’s seats .
Number 3: Please ,stop putting your trash in the water …(It is not a joke ,it’s been several times that I have seen tourists voluntarily put waste in the Seine …One day ,a saw a mother filming her son doing that ! Those tourists seems to come from South Asia ,so it is maybe a tradition ,however don’t do it in France …)
Number 4 : When you take the escalator ,please stand on the right side and leave space on the left so the hurry people can pass .
Number 5: Please don’t buy items from sellers (on the floor)in front of Eiffel Tower ,they are often scammers and have no right to be on the territory,it is the same thing for the sellers of « weird food ».
Number 6 : STOP FEEDING THE PIGEONS AND DUCKS !!!
Last one ,Number 7: Please be polite ! Especially Americans …Sometimes with my friends we go in really touristic places and we noticed that sometimes Americans were really rude toward French people and even other tourists . For exemple ,on July 5th 2023, we were in a little restaurant near the « Tuilerie » and an American family next to us was complaining to the waitress that no celebration had been done for the 4th of July …They were literally scolding her ! They were convinced that we should celebrate Americans national day ..in France ?
Sorry if it was long😅. Those advices apply not only in France but everywhere . All my support for my fellow Europeans who also live in very touristic city .
Have a good day !
But besides that, Parisians are some of the rudest people in the world, so there's always that!
I love your recommendation to stand to the right on escalators so that others may pass. Few will do this, but it’s a good thing to bring up!
I’ve just commented much along your lines, but I’m British, where manners really count and in America, there appears to be a deficiency in polite behaviour and respect for others
@@Nettsinthewoods I'm American and I agree. I was raised to be polite, 'please' and 'thank you', pick up after myself, etc.. Even I am amazed at how rude Americans are towards others.
Stand in the middle of the road to photograph the Arc de Triomphe? Pretty sure that would be the last photo they never took. Even driving around that monument is not for the faint-hearted.
On the whole Second World War thing: In this century in particular, it does seem that every time France refuses to blindly follow the USA into whatever war, skirmish, or controversial foreign policy our government decides to adopt, people from our elected officials to our talk show hosts to everyday people trot out the “if it weren’t for us, you’d be speaking German” crap, the obvious meaning being, “France owes us.”
I (as an American) like to remind these people that if it weren’t for France, we Americans would still be bowing to the King of England. BECAUSE WE WOULD. America would not have won our war for independence without France on our side. Any assistance we’ve rendered to France since then is repaying the favor.
@@powelllane No, this is false. French aid was a late-war development. Most of the aid provided by France was in the form naval support, with lesser significance in guns, money, advisors, and probably small arms. By the time any significant French aid was given to the colonies, most of New England was firmly outside the control of the King, and much of the mid-atlantic and southern regions had already become problematic and hostile territory. While french aid undeniably hastened and ensured the end of the war, it is very likely that the British resolve would have failed before the Anericans, thereby leading to a longer and bloodier way, but one with largely the same outcome.
You're perfectly right. We (French) built England as it is today. We aided you to free from them. Both of your leaders know that very well. And they hate it.
I think the same! The people who say that don’t know their history!
Absolutely. Forgive us Lord if we forget the sacred sword of Lafayette
@@userequaltoNullAnd, the same could be said for American involvement in WWII. America assisted, but she was not Europe’s sole savior, as propagandized in certain history syllabi.
I've lived in France for over 2 decades now. What she is saying is very true. You must understand that the French love their culture as much as Texans love theirs. The French are not going to change any more than the Texans are going to change. I know because I am comfortable in France because it feels exactly like the Texas Hill Country in the 1950s through to 1990s. I'm not declaring that France is backwards. What I am trying to express is they cherish what their culture creates and supports for them personally and their community. When in Texas I am Texan but when in France I am French. It is not a big deal to resist your culture so that you can share in their culture, yet the opportunities of doing so are so wonderous and vastly expanding!
I m French ( from old stock !) And absolutely don't care about French culture. I sincerely think Anglo Saxons Germans and Nordic people in general are more civilized than us frogs.
Yaaawn.
even in France we know that you "don"t mess with Texas"! 😂 decades ago i was driving in France with a bumper stick on my car i've brought back from Abilene(TX) "anyone can become an american but you have to be born texan! with a big Lone Star as background😂.which is quite provocative even in France because it's right of birthplace here (jus soli)
It's not necessarily about "loving your culture" (some people will proudly say that they love their culture, but frankly many people don't think about it).It's just that your culture is your norm. You may not even be conscious that something is part of your culture, it's just the way it is, and you do it without thinking. So something that is outside of this norm is seen as weird (and sometimes rude)..
❤
I work with a French person and he said it is uncomfortable to talk to business colleagues about personal things unless he knows them well. Sometimes during group Teams calls we are ‘forced’, if you will, to discuss personal situations (example: family traditions, vacations, personal feelings, etc.) and that makes him uncomfortable. I feel the same, and I’m American!
As a fellow American, I think it’s better, in most situations, even casual, social ones, to let people disclose what they want or not disclose anything at all. (If I were on that group call and “forced” to discuss my personal feelings, I’d probably say how uncomfortable I feel about being compelled to discuss my feelings and leave it at that.)
That sounds borderline cultish (eek!). I dislike these pseudo-teambuilding sharing activities. I'd rather stick to business, tbh.
@@carmelasantana3091 Decades ago, I got a masters in organization development (a sort of behavioral science business degree), which emphasized, among other things, team-building and “being honest” about one’s feelings and these practices sound like a _misapplication_ of that. At the time I said I thought that the most effective way to build a team was to _actually get the work done_ but that was pretty kooky, I guess.
There a word for people who separate completely their private and their professional lives : it's called schizophrenia.
@@lioneldemun6033 Don't use words when you don't know what they mean.
I recently went to Paris for the first time, and I found the French people to be really friendly and kind. I'm going back again in a few months.
My Swiss friend has the perfect response: he whips out his calendar on his phone and asks “How about next Wednesday at noon?”
I’m English. When I say “ Let’s meet up for a cuppa and catch~up”, I really mean it. I hate when people say that and you can tell they don’t mean it.
I got a compliment from a French woman. She said she appreciated it when I said something was different and NOT weird.
I find that to be more of an age thing.
Bizarre, non ?
@@jeancharland3858 "Vous avez dit "bizarre"?"😀
@@argonwheatbelly637 No it’s a civilized thing. Well educated people are open minded.
@@Josian-ps7fb Comme c'est bizarre!
One thing I liked when I was in the USA: If I said to somebody "Your dress is very nice, it suits you really well". They just said thank you. The French start squirming, and self-deprecate. No, saying thank you is the best way to respond, and that's what I do now.
Funny, I feel like the American habit when complimented is to immediately say they got something on sale or tell you how much it cost 😂 at least I know I still do that reflexively (especially because I buy so much on Vinted now)
Je suis bien d’accord avec vous. C’est un compliment, acceptons-le !
Maybe this is the way it is now. I went to the states a couple of decades ago. @@shinyshinythings
@@Julie-fl5vc Hum... Quand quelqu'un que je connais me dit que je suis bien habillé, j'en déduis qu'il doit trouver que je suis mal habillé le reste du temps, donc je n'aime pas trop ça. Personnellement, j'évite de faire des compliments sur les vêtements de quelqu'un pour éviter cela (et puis parce que la plupart du temps, ce n'est pas la personne qui les porte qui les a fait, elle a juste fait l'effort de les acheter...).
Women who dress well should be complimented without sexual undercurrents. They're one of the things that makes life wonderful.
Regarding the "Let's do coffee." Many years ago, my mother (American) mentioned to a friend (also American) about coming over for dinner for her birthday. Mom forgot about the conversation, but the night of the friend's birthday, friend and husband showed up at the door! Mom had to quickly order Chinese to be delivered. Don't say things you don't mean.
Don ' t be subtle. Be in your face. So much more " civilized" ( not ).
Though depending upon how long it was between the suggestion and her birthday it wouldn't have hurt for the friend to mention they were coming over before hand. Just in case your mom may have had other plans.
@@nanoflower1 in this case the mom must call and cancel the invitations
@@lioneldemun6033 Since when being insincere is being subtle?
@@babelbabel2419 since when being rude vs.gross is being honest ?
I am Canadian and started being more polite to the grocery store employees due to your videos! It has worked beautifully! I now say hi! + How are you? type things before asking my questions!
But in France saying ' How are you ?
' is not as pas common thing compared to Canada . It may seem to be fake and superficial specially if you do not mean it .
Where I shop the clerks say, "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Sometimes, I say "No, I couldn't find this, that, or the other thing." Some shelves are still empty two years later. We only buy necessities now, because prices of processed foods are too high. They aren't healthy, anyway.
Why did you not do that before?
@@peteymax Well, it depended on the situation! Although I was friendly and relatively polite - I would often start by letting them know that I had a question. By the way - "I have a question for you" type thing! If I knew the person from before, I might say: Hey, how's it going? Any new exciting vegetables? Oh - excuse me - sorry to interrupt but where can I find such and such! (I shop at Farm Boy a lot!) Today, I am just more aware and careful!
Hmm, that's normal in my area. Maybe it's just the Southern tradition but that is how the grocery store employees are taught to greet their customers. Of course they aren't REALLY asking how you are because they get confused if you start to answer them (I've done that a couple of times) so it's really just a bit of social lubrication.
The first habit I would have thought of is: being noisy.
As a reserved New Englander, I loathe nosy questions!
I had someone ask me one time if my diamond ring was real & I said - well it’s not you’re imagination.
great answer!
😅Funny!
# 4 is super rude here in the US too, or at least all across the Midwest where I grew up. You do NOT ask someone what their personal possessions cost, from a bracelet to a house. If someone wants you to know, they will volunteer the info.
Same in New England
If you're that nosy about it, house prices are usually a matter of public record and can be looked up. I'd find that a bit creepy if it's just curiosity, rather than when you're looking to buy a similar place. One can often even see video tours of various houses posted by real estate brokers/agents.
But also, offering the information is either tacky or bragging.
@@jodejette It is both.
Something that doesn’t come up in a lot of these conversations is regional as well as class-based differences in culture in the US. The type of person able to afford to travel to Europe is going to be its own unique demographic. The United States and Americans shouldn’t really be viewed as if it’s a monoculture. It’d be like treating all Europeans with the same stereotypes. We have culture clashes even within different regions of the United States.
The point is that the French don't care (generally) about that. They can't make any differences in your accents like yourself probably could not make the difference between North, Anjou, Provence, sud ouest, Bretagne, Gallo, Corse, Pays Basque, Paris, Savoie, Alsace, Bourgogne, Normandy, Limousin, Auvergne, Toulousain, Charente etc...
@Leftiesoutnumbered - well said!
While I’m surprised that what I view as a friendly way of expressing pleasure in meeting someone is viewed by the French as rude, I would hope that I’d recognize that response as a cultural difference. Then, I myself would react differently the next time I met a French person, in their own country. It’s my job as a tourist to bow to non-harmful culturally different behaviors in the country I’m visiting. There is absolutely no way I’d expect the host country to act in my preferred cultural bias; I am the guest!
That said, my Midwest American self was taught to try to make my country friendlier to visitors. So when they visit over here, I am eager to learn of our different perspectives, and try to accommodate when I can. But of course neither of us would express offense at the differences!
@@maxotatYou know, as a French person who has often traveled to the US (especially in the Midwest), I sometimes have the impression that my country is in many ways comparable to yours (although it is much smaller!).
In the same way we shouldn't judge the US by the way we're welcomed when we go to cities like LA or NY, certain typically French stereotypes are in reality only true with Paris. And I tell you this as a Parisian, born and bred.
Our Midwest being the rest of France (bar the South coast which is more like our very own California!) you will be welcomed with unfeigned enthusiasm by the majority of French people who will have the ability to communicate in English, and even those who will be incapable of doing so will do their best to make the interaction as pleasant as possible.
Simple and humble, authentic people are everywhere regardless of their nationality, what makes them unique lies in the environment in which they evolve. People who experience roughly the same type of environment will, I'm sure of that, have more or less the same type of behavior. People close to their land will always be more welcoming and genuine than people who live in the city.
This mainly applies to Western countries, I guess, I don't really have the expertise to judge others.
So true. I don’t think that people realize how big the US is, they just want to lump everyone together.
@@zorbeclegras5708The point is that Americans shouldn’t assume that all French people are the same, and they shouldn’t assume that all Americans are the same. The US is a huge country which was settled regionally by many immigrant groups and lots of those cultural differences survive.
We travel internationally a lot and my own preparation is to do some homework on the region to better understand local customs and norms. When we get there, speaking simple phrases in the local language, being graceful and forgiving towards everyone goes a long way. One of our girls lived in France for two years playing professional water polo on the French Women's National Team. She would gently guide us on etiquette to be accepted into social situations without offending and this was appreciated. We loved our time in France but I do find the French people often to be far more sensitive and less forgiving of our "Americanisms" than most other countries in Europe, Asia, South America, Africa, and the Middle East. Grace and forgiveness regarding cultural differences probably should go both ways.
While touring with a group we will often pick out the most glaring "awkward tourist" who boldly tramples local cultural norms and always insists on getting their own way. It is hard to watch.
For me after not saying "bonjour" and "sorry for bothering you", which is a crime indeed, the second offense is to be so loud and inconsiderate for their surroundings.
I'd say the latter is a more severe offense. When you serenely sip your expresso at a café terrace and all of a sudden a group of American tourists sit at a neighboring table and start litterally bellowing at each other, you wish they had adressed you without saying hello, told you it would be nice to have a cafe together some of these days without meaning a word of it, made silly generalizing comments about the French, their propensity to eat snails and surrender to the Germans, anything, but in a normal tone of voice!
I was in France in the summer, my mum and I were just finishing our lunch at this café when an American family turns up (about 8 of them) at the very end of what the french would consider to be an acceptable lunchtime (the cafés are multipurpose, so they serve drinks outside of mealtimes, light lunches and dinners at at standard times and then become bars in the evening).
As tourists, they probably could have been forgiven for this social faux pas if it wasn't for the rest of their behaviour. The dad in particular was shouting at the waiters in english (not even a bonjour or a merci thrown in) and making constant demands. The first waiter didn't speak much english, so got his colleague who spoke better english to deal with them (bear in mind that whilst this was a large town, it was not in a particularly touristy area).
This family were loud and demanding (still in english) the whole time we were there, for example chasing things they'd ordered even though it was a small café, they were a large party and they really hadn't been waiting long at all.
On the flipside, we'd made an effort to adapt to local cultural norms, including placing our order in french (the American family could have at least had a phrase book) and surprisingly had received a much friendlier level of service in response. We left whilst they were still eating, so I don't know how the interaction ended, but I imagine that family went home and told everyone how rude french people are and how bad the service was without even realising that they were the cause of the staff's behaviour (which was still polite, just less friendly and less openly helpful than they were to us and the locals).
@@hannahk1306 Yeah, you got it... And we french don't get why it is so hard to understand to americans.
And so the incinsere conversations. Why say things you don't mean. Only americans do that. The fake behaviour, of fake people of a fake country...
And fake history too. Thats why french don't love ww 2 jokes.
Winner write history. American's version of ww 2 end is totally wrong.
@@hannahk1306
You brought us drugs (tabac and chewing gums), and most of resistances and soldier during the "débarquement" were NOT AMERICANS !!! They were english, french, algerians, marocans, spanish, canadians, the list is long.
So thanks for the LITTLE help; but you took all of the credits for a war who was already won by RUSSIANS (yeah, the war did not end in french or germany but in Russia).
You took all the credit, wich is profond direspect of everyone else's country.
Just tell me, wich country in the entire world is better AFTER american's passage ? Tell me only 2 exemple, to change my mind, or change your.
Americans think they are the best, in every subject, they are superior, by default. But I don't see any example of really positive thing you are good in. @@hannahk1306
I unintentionally insulted a French service employee and I feel bad about it to this day, a decade plus later. I was presenting a paper at an academic conference in Paris and while I had a suit for some reason I didn't have appropriate dress shoes. I decided to get them in France (I was living in the UK at the time). But as is my habit I put off the purchase and finally had to make it last minute. I put myself in a rush so I just wanted to go into the store, get a pair my size and leave. The salesman wanted to do the whole measure my feet, have me try on the shoes for fit, etc. But I was late so I insisted on just getting the shoes without the whole process. I could tell he was both confused and insulted. I think is it sort of connected to the chef/food thing. In France a shoe salesman is a professional that takes pride in his getting a costumer a well fitting pair of appropriate shoes and my ignoring the process necessary for him to do his work properly insulted his professionalism. To this day I regret that I didn't take the time to go thru the proper shoe buying ritual. And sure enough the shoes didn't fit particularly well. Thanks for providing the forum for the confession.
Dominus te absolvit!😀
In the name of all the French people, more than ten years after this terrible sin, I forgive you.
@@bodawei425😂😂😂😂 je confirme
You are absolved because you suffered, wearing those ill-fitting shoes was your penance.
I don't see the problem assuming you at least took the time to tell him you were in a time crunch and needed something right away. While going through the process is relaxing there are times when we just don't have the time to do what we would normally do and so long as we explain that situation there shouldn't be an issue.
Also please and thank you. My good friend was over from California and when we went to a offer shop, she was saying, get me a coffee, or I'll take a coffee. When I pointed out that was rude she actually said " He's a server, here to serve me!" The guy turned round and said" I am the business owner and I choose who can buy my products actually". We sat I the are for about an hour and she said" You know everyone has said Please can I have, or I'd like a ...please ." Yes, you should treat everyone with respect. Her mind was slightly blown tbh
As an American I have experienced countless "let me have your number so we can hangout" or "I'll text you" only to never hear from the person. Generally I've found that co-worker friendships tend not to last after you leave the organization so I tend to put little effort into getting to know my fellow coworkers or expecting a genuine friendship to be formed. I've found it easier to make friends when I travel abroad and I enjoy conversations that don't revolve around what type of work you do, how much money you make, what kind of car do you drive so on. Regarding small talk I can enjoy little bits of it but working in a customer service industry I don't feel the need to ask everyone how they are or apologizing for something I have no control over those are disingenuous statements that have no substance. I enjoy my quiet times and don't enjoy loud conversations on phones or music in public settings. Although I was born in America I wouldn't say I identify with the "norms" of society and find it easier to connect with people from other countries more so then my fellow Americans.
Most of the friends I have now are all from my former employer. So it depends 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for another good episode.
I've spent a good bit of time in big, French cities. I've also tried to spend more time in small villages and towns. One thing that sticks out about Americans is that they are in such a hurry all the time. Maybe it's the rural-urban difference but in France it's pronounced. Don't act antsy when a person is slow checking out groceries. Don't get impatient waiting for a butcher or baker to 'hurry up' with the customer ahead of you. Chill out. The service person will be patient and helpful for you by taking their time just as they did with the person ahead of you.
Get down to small town Tennessee. I have taught myself to start doing a 5 count in my head while waiting for people to react. ;-)
I think it’s rude to waste other people’s time. I would not patronize a business that doesn’t treat me with respect.
@@wintermatherne2524 Ah! Ah! That's the whole point of these video: try to understand cultural differences and chill out. Or... stay home.
And in Germany it seems even more hurried in the check-out lane, very rude!
Well, perhaps people should stop to consider why that person may be getting antsy, or may be hurried.
They may not have a lot of time. Especially if they are a tourist. They could be in a rush to catch up to their tour group, or worried they may miss their transportation.
Try expanding your thought process.
That one I have to conscienciously try to avoid (not always successfully) is to not speak in a loud voice, particularly when with other anglophones. I'm getting better.
As an expat American living in a non native English speaking country for the last 33 years, I cringe every time I am at a restaurant or public gathering and I can hear the Americans from the other side of the space. There have been not a few times out where I was so embarrassed by a loud American that I either silently left or finished my transaction in silence, lest my accent group me in with the “boisterous” client in the next isle or table.
My ears thank you! I can’t stand the noise level coming from an American table. So rude to other customers.
When I’m in a restaurant in France, Spain etc I always ensure I sit as far away from Americans as possible. Nothing personal against Americans. I like them in general but their loudness in restaurants is beyond the beyond.
Some of these can go in both directions. As an American in Europe, many have said to me that I can't be an American, because I am not fat. That's just ONE example. Some refuse to believe that I am an American, because I don't fit their other stereotypes. The American bashing gets old.
Really? That's insane! I have the type of face that no matter where I go people think I am local, so nobody really bothers me much.
Absolutely. And I see loud, boisterous behavior from A LOT of groups so it's bizarre to act as if it's limited to only one 🙄
Totally my experience! I was often told I couldn’t be an American.
Just like being around arrogant Americans has gotten old.
@@vtcs1963same here. I’m part Mexican, Spanish, British and Irish so I can pass for almost anyone except for Asian or Scandinavian 😂.
When I was in France, a group of French people asked me (as an American) "what took you so long?" I hadn't mentioned the war at all. They were joking, I was not offended!
I have to ask : what does this refers to ? Because it's something we usually say among each other, it's not a stereotype...
Raised in French Belgium, an almost traumatizing habit I was taught is to eat while making the less noise possible to an intense extent.
Which led me to be indisposed and uncomfortable when hearing people mouth noises, as I don't live in France or Belgium anymore, I have learned to live with it.
But I know in some asian countries it is encouraged to slurp on noodles as a way to enjoy your dish better, since living in the US I have noticed it to be much more common in the USA to not care about it.
But yeah when you visit French and get looks from people or get people uncomfortable while you eat just be aware of that.
Slurping or chewing with your mouth open, or even worse, talking with your mouth full are things we're taught are boorish, uneducated and rude.
Just like slurping or burping are considered normal in other places, we have our customs and we shouldn't have to apologize for them.
I still cringe when I hear people slurp their soup or noodles down, but if it's not my country, I don't have the right to tell them what to do.
I don't think wanting this courtesy to be mutual is unreasonable.
Very true being quiet when you eat is table etiquette
In the US, restaurants are regarded as a type of convenience business, hence the reason why Americans are more likely to ask for substitutions. It's literally because they think the restaurant is just a business that needs to cater to its customers' needs. In return, most restaurants are happy to oblige so long as the substitution or modification is feasible. In France, a chef is regarded as a skilled artisan and restaurant patrons are more likely to appreciate the chef's creations in their original and unaltered state. Neither is right or wrong, it's just two different cultural expectations.
"Haute cuisine" is pretty much an art, one where skill is acquired over years of apprenticeship and lifelong pursuit of perfection.
I'm only slightly exaggerating in saying that asking a change in a recipe or a preparation is like asking Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel differently.
There are places providing à la carte, places that offer flexibility and places that offer the work of a master at his trade, pick the one that will provide you what you want.
I think that Americans are accustomed to "fast" cooking. They just don't know that french cooking takes more time, then to change something on the spot is just impossible, and the consequence is that nobody in France get the idea to ask for recipe's changes. To do so implies that the cook just warms up industrial pre-prepared food, exactly what a "normal" french restaurant is not by any means.
@@IRACEMABABU That's not to say you can't ask. But you do just that, you ask. You don't demand
Going to a french restaurant and asking for other ingredients is, in fact, asking if this restaurant is an american restaurant. Guess the answer.... LOL@@boxonothing4087
Unless you're going to a Michelin-starred restaurant, you can easily ask for substitutions. But even Michelin-starred ones have to cater to customers with dietary restrictions. I'm a type-2 diabetic with nut allergies. The Michelin-starred restaurants were the best in adapting to my needs. Generally the French don't eat butter with bread outside of breakfast. But if you ask for it, restaurants aren't going to give you a hard time about it, they will give you butter. And Michelin-starred restaurants usually serve butter in very fancy shapes.
I’m American born & raised. My husbands side of the family is very different in that they ask where I got a LOT of things and how much it costs. Then they make a judgement about if I was “ripped off” or not. This has been their habit always. I’ve tried to say I don’t recall but they seem to want the information enough to research themselves, discuss and then get back to me
With a final judgement. I’ve never met anyone else who does this (like a hobby).
My husband's step-mother used to hit us with crazy nasty comments until we stopped speaking to her decades ago. Things like, "Nobody breast feeds their babies as long as you did." (A year) Or when my daughter was going to a university out of town where my husband's brother-in-law was a full prof and later head of his dept, "Couldn't she get into Queen's?" She had a job in Guelph that paid her tuition as well as benefits and a good salary and laid her off for 4 months every year so she could do courses in the spring semester. Why would she go to Queen's which would have offered none of that? Maybe, it's not a cultural difference. Maybe, they hate you like our husband's step-mother hated us. LOLOL!
I went from Milan to Paris on the train...i was in a group of 10..some immediate family plus cousins etc....we got into Paris late afternoon...got settled in the hotel and went out looking to eat...we found a nice place big enough to accommodate our sized group...they asked us to wait at the bar until a table opened up...and at the bar my cousin's rude wife insulted the bartender...cannot remember what she said but it was obvious they were not going to seat us soon....so eventually my dad and i decided to sing the French National anthem...not the words...just the tune...then the bartender joined in and the entire restaurant stood up and sang it words and all...we were seated immediately haaaaaaa 😂😂😂
You've seen Casa Blanca?
@@dinkster1729 ....only the very end scene
you were not in a kebab restaurant!! guarantee!!
@@benoitpisarchick6866 ...nope lol.
😂@@mikeferrannini712
Great video as always ! If more people had your way of thinking about difference and this ability to look at the bigger picture and to put themselves in other people's shoes, the world would definitely be a better place !
You're too kind. Thank you!
I work in a 4stars Hotel in Paris.
Some americans are polite, around 50%, all americans should learn that if you say me "Bonjour" once in your stay I will be good with you.
Because I will be like "oh ? He's intrested by my country".
If I can upgrade only one person, I will choose the one who said "Bonjour", the one who tried too ;)
Also, some people are coming to me to ask stuff or help. If I dont have "could you" and "please" then "thank you", it's like if you was stealing me. Those words are my reward, we are not asking you tips like in some countries. If I dont have my reward, you could be sure that I will not do more than my job the next time.
One day, an american said to my director : "the customer is king", my manager risponded "indeed, but you are in France, you know what we done to our kings"
Good video. It is funny as there are IMO dramatic differences even within America. New England where I grew up is reserved and very cliquish, and it takes forever to be accepted if you are the new guy. And people seem to belittle you UNTIL you are successful. When I first moved to California I was asked to a coworker's family meal within a week a working there. And I've found Californians much more supportive in times of trial. California is in no way perfect, but it is like another country in some ways compared to New England.
Absolutely, regional differences count for a lot!
Welcome to California! We Californians are very open and welcoming for the most part. My son invites friends and co workers to our Thanksgiving dinner. A lot of Californians also tend to smile at strangers and say hello as we pass on the street. I've noticed that practice is not so well received in a lot of the U.S. and Europe.
It's even worth in France.
- if you try to start a "small talk" with someone you don't know, yes, everyone will look at you surprised : "what does he want ?"
- If you say hello to anyone while walking on a street in a big town, everyone will wonder if you're crazy or drunk
- if you walk alone and cross someone in the countryside on a forest path, you'll be welcome if you say hello to him
I know, it can sometimes be a bit hard for a stranger to know when you "must", "can", or "must NOT" do such things 😋
Oh, Californians are very friendly...but they are not your friends. Californians don't have the capacity for deep bonds. People from the NE are often tricked. In the NE, everyone is an Ahole until you find out they are your friend, in California it's the reverse. Ever notice how complete strangers will hug and gush--that's because it doesn't mean anything.
There are few places more provincial than New England, where, if you can’t trace your lineage to the Mayflower you are SOL. Also, a place where folks brag of their utter refusal to travel or understand a region other than New England as it simply doesn’t matter. My husband is from New England and while I LOVE his hometown of Gloucester MA, and nearly all of New England, that aspect of its natives I could do without. Californians here and we invite people to our back yard or for a drink at the local pub that we meet on the street, regardless of where “your people” are from or what university you graduated from.
You are so right about casual small talk with a stranger where you ask personal questions. Many French people take umbrage at that for sure!
To give an other example : Brits engage in "getting-to-know-you" chats with you, like if they were on a speed dating, and still don't necessarily know you the next time you meet... Say, in a pub, in a disco, or at a private party even.. My sister is a gorgeous woman. Men and women alike, would come talk to her, in London and Brighton, and forget from one week to another that she had already told them about her having 5 brothers and sisters, which industry/general professional area (finances) she was in, or that she loves to dance Latin-American dances. She complained about it to me, telling me how shallow she found them to be. I wondered whether they just had been too stunned by her drop-dead-gorgeousness to pay attention to her words... But I offered for us to meet up to live in Ireland instead (in separate accommodations), for the experience of the difference of it all, for one year or three. The Irish were indeed as engaging as their reputation says they would be. With the difference that, if you had told them about yourself, they would have listened to at least 75% of it, and gone from that 411 on, the next time you met...
Here's the thing, though.
One person's casual small talk may seem to another to be too personal, and vice versa.
It would seem to me that the best thing to do is not take offense right away, and perhaps, just politely let them know you find that question too personal. Then you move on to another topic.
Try not to take offense at every available moment.
@@jonok42 The issue is whether what I say or ask will be something the French person finds to be too personal.
I was always taught that you NEVER discuss money as it is vulgar to do so. Similarly showing off your " wealth". The Europeans are very understated
@@jonok42Offense is a kneejerk reaction, it's hard to keep your cool when offended.
It's harder for impolite behavior that's hard to understand.
As a french, I simply can't get why people need to know how sibling I have, my marital statue, my job....ect
People too curious will be answered by a "Are you part of gestapo? Wtf do you want to know all that?"
It feels like it's a way to put people in case, to judge right away if I am worthy of friendship according to my social statut and the gestapo insult is not a joke, it's really the answer you'll get by an angry french people.
Last time we put people into category we helped the germans murder millions of people, WW2 scars are still deeply present.
Thanks so much! One thing I found when I was in Paris was that if I went into a small shop and attempted to speak French, the people there appreciated it -- even if I reading from a book and not doing a very good job. They could see I was trying. On the other side of the coin, I was surprised that men would try to "pick me up" when I visited the gardens next to the Eiffel Tower in the early evening. They would speak in familiar French and sit close to me on benches. Quelle surprise!
Americans, widely considered very friendly, being considered rude by the French, worldwide known for being rude, is rich in
In the Midwest of the US the reason why asking about the cost of something is because it's a point of pride to get a good deal on something. Between the factory towns and farm country its an especially for house wives to demonstrate how savvy they are with their family budget and an extention of independent living.
I'm American in the US and I'm with you on the let's do lunch thing. It's insincere, and I think much less of the person when comments like that are made. I'd rather make small talk and catch up with a rarely seen acquaintance, and be done with it.
As for the "how much comment," it also makes me uncomfortable, especially from strangers. Several times I've immediately thought that I might get jumped and have the item stolen from me. Sadly last time it involved my dog because he looks expensive, and I actually stopped someone from stealing my other dog a couple of years ago.
About the food subs, I have an actual food allergy that I carry an epi pen for. Unfortunately I have to suffer because other people say they are allergic, but really they just don't like something on the dish. It happens so much that restaurants don't believe the people with real allergies anymore, and I end up using my pen and going to the emergency room. So for heck's sake just pick something else and stop being a PITA at restaurants. It drives chefs crazy, and makes people like me suffer.
I feel you on the allergy thing!
Wow, I'm shocked about this. I also carry an epi pen, but restaurants in Britain take you seriously. To the point it can be annoying as I don't mind if something is cooked in the same kitchen and might contain traces of my allergens etc. but some restaurants just won't let me have that dish. Others are ok as long as I'm aware and have agreed.
But now you've made me nervous to travel in the USA! It's years since I've been there.
If you're allergic to an ingredient, the best strategy would be to say so and ask what can be done about it. The waiter will hopefully tell you what dishes you can eat, or ask the chef what he can do, nobody will take umbrage and on the contrary they'll do their best for you.
@@frenchimp that’s great in theory, and what’s supposed to happen, but yet I still sometimes get served my allergy ingredient.
After I react, they always apologize and I’m usually told that they didn’t believe me because some jerks before me have lied and said that they were allergic when they just didn’t like something. So now they don’t know who to believe and treat everyone like we’re lying.
@@melissa7233That's incredibly irresponsible of them and could easily lead to someone's death. No excuses.
A BIG one is expecting people outside the anglosphere to speak English, to assume they know it and wish to speak it. I have had the opposite in trying to speak the local languages which I was learning, and the person I was speaking with, switching to English. People also might be advised that not all visiting foreigners want to speak their language, rather than yours.
Yes, that's another good one, the expectation that English will always be spoken.
Oh yes this is what annoyes me above all. I lived in other countries and allways tried at least to learn a few words so i can say hello im french bla-bla-bla. Américans often assume english is understood everywhere and this sounds so imperialist. When this happens i sometimes play dumb until i hear « bonjour » 😊
This is a very interesting one. I have noticed that it is very common for two people who are not native English speakers to use English with each other. They often do it way more confidently than native English speakers, who are often a bit shame-faced at the fact they don't speak the local language. I've seen this between, for example, Bulgarians and Romanians, and even between speakers of two different Slavic languages such as Polish and Croatian. It's an accepted lingua franca now and it's a reasonable assumption that someone will speak English, especially if they are in a customer service position in a major city.
I had a wonderful experience with a ticket seller in the Gare du Nord. He was an older gentleman who treated me with great courtesy. I started my request in schoolboy French but he switched to English and was exceptionally helpful with regard to navigating the complex set of tariffs for French rail travel.
I speak a little Russian and find that it can still be used as a lingua franca in the former Communist world (e.g. Georgia, Bulgaria) but only among older people. I have bought train tickets in both countries using basic Russian with ticket sellers of my (older) generation.
So I suppose the conclusion is that if you are lucky enough to speak a lingua franca, you shouldn't be ashamed of using it.
I've heard the opposite complaint from people who have studied a foreign language.
They visit a "non English speaking" country and attempt to speak the native tongue.
A friend went to France hoping to be able to talk to the French in French.
But the natives of France could tell he was an American struggling with the French language......
So they'd start speaking to him in English!
@@langreeves6419 I'm french and I can tell you it's really done out of good intention (and, sometimes, a tiny bit of pride, even more so because of the stereotype that French people are usually bad at speaking foreign langages (which isn't that false)). It's out of respect for the person asking something to make him/her more comfortable. If anybody would want to practice in french, they absolutely can say so to us and we'll be glad to do so :) hope this helps !
I live in France, my wife is French and I can assure you that it is perfectly acceptable to ask for your steak to be well cooked. No chef would refuse that,and certainly not arrive at your table to admonish you.But then maybe the Parisians are special.But thankfully I live in Bordeaux where the client is king.
Paris is like a country inside a country. It's very different from anywhere else, le microcosme parisien, like we call it.
It depends on which restaurants. In higher-end service, the chef knows and refined what he proposes and that includes how the steak is cooked (even if frankly in top-notch restaurants you'll rarely have steak since it is not a top meat choice)
on the flip side, i've been asked to sign a legal liability paper when I ordered my steak "rare" in the US ^^ (don't worry, I ordered something else in the end...)
If a chef takes good care of sourcing good quality meat, even more so if it comes from skilled artisans, I don't think it's unreasonable to try and convince someone that it's something that is both safe and that they might actually like. They might have never been in a place that _doesn't_ ask you to bear responsibility for the bugs in their meat before.
As someone in the US, I think of that “Let’s get together sometime!” as _aspirational,_ i.e., the person hopes that will happen at sometime in the future, not necessarily that it _will,_ so it’s not _entirely_ meaningless or insincere. That said, I don’t like it very much, either-it doesn’t take much to follow through and, if you can’t (or know there’s a high likelihood that you won’t), there are probably better things to say, e.g., “It’s always great to see you.”
_Adding:_ And a good friend, who is, yes, French, told us that it is rude in France, in a small group of people at a table, for two people to carry on a conversation about something or someone that the others know nothing about. I actually happen to think that’s rude also but I have plenty of friends in the US who will do precisely that.
The French see that as a waste of time though. It's like of course meeting up for lunch would be nice. That's just common sense. But to suggest a possible event that may or may not ever happen just sounds like meaningless fluff.
It's pure hypocrisy, that's all. Not friendly and not "aspirational" but hypocritical.
I think the most important bit of this video is actually the conclusion. All of this is mostly a matter of perspective, cognitive empathy. Assuming bad intentions or wrong morals, although easier to come to mind and effective to keep going on for a short time, is rarely the right course.
Well said!
Asking for specifics ingredients added or removed : It depends on the restaurant !
Casual no problem, very high end (3 Michelin stars) no problem too ! In the high end they will try to accommodate your taste if possible, or suggest another dish, absolutely no problem if the request is for a kid. The chefs there have no ego problem.
That's in the middle range that the problem lies, the wannabe culinary artist has a fragile ego, and will feel too easily insulted !
The minute we arrive in Europe we are so self aware of how loud we are. I got scolded once at a French market for not asking for a photo I took but he was very funny and diplomatic about it thankfully.
What an intelligent and tolerant person you are! It is refreshing. Your French pronunciation is perfect. I have lived in the States 40 years and many people still ask me where I am from.
Not all curiosity is disrespectful though
Well done, thank you: this content also helps us when we have to expain to tourists how they are putting themselves in difficult situations.
It's regional. In the town where I live, you usually learn somebody's life history in the first 15 minutes whether you asked or not. It's called small town life.
I live for 15 years in a french hamlet, not even a village and I don't know some of my neighbors names ! There is one who's name was told to me by my landlady but I've never seen him ! The village attached to the hamlet is even worse ! If you were not born there or had family in the village, they will not talk to you, you are a "stranger" in your own country.
@@misstoujoursplus Are you French ?
As an American, number one is not only rude but hurtful. It's not friendly.
It along the lines of saying to a stranger "Hello , How are you?" You don't really care how they are, and they know that. They will respond with "fine, how are you" and then you say "good" and that is the end of the conversation. Nobody is upset by this.
@@dandiehm8414 that's where you're wrong.
@@keturahspencer1211Not in my neck of the woods.
@@dandiehm8414 I know damned well how others perceive it. And you sound like an awful person. I'm glad I don't know you.
@@dandiehm8414 In America, almost nobody is upset by pleasantries like that. It's an acceptable version of politeness to show that small exchange of consideration for each other's welfare.
I learned a lot and realized how integrated I have become since immigrating to Canada. I forgot or never knew about not taking photographs at a market. I made a return trip to my native city and was eager to have my daughter and adult granddaughter experience the open market I remembered,. We photographed everything. A market is such a great introduction to the culture, I did the same in Japan. From flowers to fish to cheese from the variety to the artistry in the display a feast for the senses.
I was in Paris with my daughter, lunch at a standard bistro. The waiter was efficient, did what was asked for, not effusive. The standard rude Parisian waiter.
Standard, yes, rude no. He left while we were sitting outside with a glass of wine, having finished his shift.
He gently tapped me on the shoulder, smiled and muttered 'M'sieur'
Probably because I spoke quietly, in French.
J'ai hâte d'avoir la vidéo sur ce que les américains trouvent impoli. Merci, c'était intéressant
Some of these things, we Americans find rude.
Apres avoir passé quatre ans en France, I’ll y a une chose je vous offre: comment vous faites la queue. It took quite some time to figure that out! En deoit, mes annees francaises Se situent parmi les meilleurs de ma vie.
En depit
@@davidm8657 Malgré tout (ou cela)
An annoying trait that the French have is to correct your grammar, even when the the phrase is perfectly comprehensible 😂
It's because of the school system 📏
@@charlottelanvin7095 It's because we want to help you to learn the language you obviously want to learn , we don't see it as being rude
The main difference in customer services, is that:
- In the US, the customer is King. The employee is "inferior" to them and has to do everything they said because he "pays" for it. It is promoted by a tipping culture, that reinforce that idea.
- In France, the customer is the one asking for the service. Not saying the customer is "inferior", but you need to respect the employee, use the formal way (vouvoiement). Basically, unless you are deadly allergic, you are more into "trying first, critic after if asked" than asking to substitute every ingredient to your liking.
There is a lot of importance about etiquette and behind honest. Asking "Bonjour" isn't a waste a time, but both a conversation starter and a way to check if the other is open to conversation. If they are not really answering back or stop for you, if you continue to talk, then you are basically starting a conversation without consent and French people feel kind of violated.
There is a big shift on freedom perception. In France, it is "my freedom stops where other's start" kind of mentality. You cannot blast music in the street because you bother other people. In the USA, it is more "my freedom is absolute" and people just do what they want as long it is legal. That is why the number #1 stereotype about American is that they are loud.
Bien dit! Well said!
I knew about asking permission to take pics of people, but not things like paella! That's really good to know. Thanks!
It'll depend on the person/situation, but if it's paella at a small market stand or a deli or something, definitely ask. You're in the clear I'd say at a big supermarket.
I’ve lived in the US since 2006 and to this day I’m still shocked when people enter a room and start talking to you without saying hello, or when they approach a store employee and ask them something like “where’s the __” without even apologizing for interrupting what they’re doing. It feels extremely rude to me.
It's jarring to hear for sure!
Being French, saying hello is so embedded into our behavior, it's such the bare minimum of politeness, that the conversation immediately derails if it's missing.
If you hate the culture, why don't you move back to wherever you came from? Do you think anyone needs you here?
I'm still like that. Where I was raised, it was rude to waste time in small talk when you could be getting work done. I get along fine with business people who think of seconds as dollars.
Each culture is different. It’s not rude here in Texas. You smile and begin talking. We call it being friendly.
They aren't wrong. Having been to France, they are actually kind people. If people met French "snobs", it was likely in Paris, where they're less snob. and more like New Yorkers - just in a hurry.
Omg though the people in the South of France are waaaaaay worse on point number one, to the point they'll give a specific time, date, and their home address, and then when you call to confirm they'll be like, oh, yeah, no, don't come. When I asked others in the area about it, they were all like, yeah, that's normal here.
Hi Diane! I love your videos, including this one. Some of them stuck in my head. Recently I found myself buying a French sauvignon blanc from the Loire Valley, thanks to what you've mentioned on this channel! :)
Could you tell what wine (I'm from the Loire Valley).
Hope it was wonderful!!!
I'm from the US, and the first time I visited France was in 2009 as a result of becoming a fan of French rock music. Before that first trip, I made sure to brush up on the language and learn as much as I could about acceptable social behavior. Thanks to the friends I met along the way, I've learned more about this; it's an ongoing process for me and I'm looking forward to learning more on this channel.
do you remember what was the bands you have liked??
I have a personal philosophy that may seem odd to the French. And it’s not the typical American habit of making chit chat with strangers or asking rude or personal questions. My ethos is I treat everyone with respect. I don’t treat security guards or cashiers or servers as if they are invisible or inanimate objects. I always take a moment to say hello to a doorman or a bus driver or a bus boy. Not to make conversation but just to acknowledge that they’re also human beings who deserve respect.
That would not seem weird to a french, actually very polite and thoughtful. I'm not saying every french person does this (definitely with cashier and servers, not so much with security guards). It's not rare enough for the security guard you say "hello" to to be surprised, but still rare enough to be extremely pleasant to him/her.
I truly think that French people find Americans rude by mainly being very loud in public places. I personally, being French, love their friendly attitude, strangers talking to me in the streets or stores without being introduced, as French are really way too formal. But it’s just me.
It annoys me when I hear the dismissive phrase, "this is the best country in the world". I usually reply with a quick "how do you know"?
In Spain people never keep the promises "let's meet, I'll call you", I'll text you", etc. This is extremally frustrating.
Sure, there are so called cultural differences. But there are also universal norms of civilized and well-mannered behavior. A polite, well-brought-up person will never come across as rude in any culture.
As an American I’m also shocked by many American’s behavior. As a mother of twins I got asked many personal questions like do you breast feed them? And in a checkout line at a grocery store a woman asked me if I conceived naturally! I was shocked. I wanted to say yes would you like to know our sexual position? I mean really people!
oh yeah please tell us what was the position! I'm french you know! 😂😂
@@benoitpisarchick6866 imbécile
I’m an American, but maybe I’m old fashioned. I too believe that when someone says we should meetup for coffee then we should actually do it.
Love the steak one, I worked in a small, fancy restaurant in the US where the chef wouldn't cook steak well done. He used to say if you want it your way go to Burger King.
haha love that
I have lived a long life in my native US and I never knew people weren’t sincere in their suggestions for getting together. My feelings have been hurt many times, and I honestly thought they just didn’t want to get together, or all their priorities are greater than I am. I guess I’m now relieved to hear that it’s not just me that my “friends” are dissing.
Kathi, you are hanging out with gross people. So sorry. I always follow up and never invite without follow up.
Many of these aren't exclusive to the US. Pretty common behaviours among all English speaking countries.
It is rude, if you don't mean to go for coffee, then DONT ASK!!!
'We should get together for ______ ' is not a solicitation it is a vague suggestion. I am American born and raised. By the time I reached age 30, I had learned not to take that phrase literally.
After watching the video, I'm glad my days of visiting France are behind me. I wouldn't necessarily make these mistakes, but I would always be concerned about it.
Just like anyone with manners would be in any place on Earth.
We treat each other like this all the time.
Bonjour. Bonne Année. I find it interesting that I, a simple farm boy from rural Virginia, would find most of these American behaviors rude. Asking the price of something is very rude - we NEVER discuss money. As you point out, there are regional differences in any country, especially large countries. However, I have to admit that DH will only eat well-done meat (I prefer medium rare so even after 34 yrs together, it's a continuous battle at home). He has learned not to order beef while we are in France.
I used to find some cultural behaviors incredibly rude, especially the cultures that don't respect personal space, not willing to queue, and pushing. However, after visiting those countries, I realized that unless one pushes, one never gets anywhere. But that is not tolerated in parts of France. Once when I was visiting Château de Fontainebleau, a group came running through to get in front of the queue. The security guard tried to stop them, couldn't, so he stuck his foot out and tripped one of them. Then made them all go to back of line and wait.
I have begrudgingly learned that what I find as rude is sometimes my own cultural chauvinism. I generally try to flex my expectations and behaviors to the local culture. Not always successfully.
You can't avoid eyerolls and cringe, but you'd be surprised how frequently a "yeah, I know" gesture and a smile will smooth things.
I like people who can make fun of their idiosyncrasies, self-deprecation in humor seems to be a lot more common on our side of the ocean.
No need for profuse apologies.
Besides, there's some idiots in France, we natives deal with them every day
I found it rude in Paris when the men pee in the street in front of my daughters. I find it's rude that the unwashed take the Metro 6 Paris line in the summer. Every culture has their quirks but you can't get angry at the whole race.
on the other hand, they don't pee on you I guess
Or even better yet, don't get angry at all! They're just cultural differences!
The whole "race" ????
urinating in the street is prohibited; in Paris, the offender is liable to a fine of €135 (150 $.) It's an old bad way that's frowned upon today, like spitting in the street.
Because homeless people in the US (and there are a lot) don't pee in the street ?
Ooooh, I’m English and I’d agree with all of those points you have made, they apply to us Brits too. They apply to probably all Europeans. It boils down to being polite, to manners and respect for another nation.
If I were that rude, I would've gotten into trouble with everyone I ever met on the other side of the Channel, right ?
@@koschmx That's social media for you, focusing on the bad because you get more views.
The English are super polite even when telling you off. 😂
Norwegian here, not American. But yes, I did a thing. I was walking the latin quarters in Paris, and saw a window display at a small artisan bakery that was just a piece of art, and this is a very touristy area, just to be clear. So I took out my camera, wanted to take a photo of it, and this guy jumped out from the bakery and started shouting at me in French and looked very angry. So, despite knowing some French, I soon realised that the words used weren't exactly in your normal dictionary, to phrase it cautiously... Hehe... Well, I deserved it, no doubt, but I learned the hard way...
Salut . le pâtissier qui t'a crié dessus, était un con. C'est normal de prendre en photo quelque chose qu'on trouve joli comme une vitrine de magasin . Tu aurais du lui crié dessus en norvégien. Je suis sûr que vous avez aussi de très remarquables insultes.
@@caudron5926 (I needed some help from ChatGPT, my French isn't that good anymore...". Bonjour. Merci de m'avoir fait me sentir moins mal à ce sujet. Et non, bien que je connaisse quelques jurons norvégiens, je ne ferais pas le poids face à ce type... Hehe... Ceci dit, j'adore Paris. J'y suis allé de nombreuses fois, principalement pour le travail, mais avec suffisamment de temps pour profiter de la ville également. J'adore la nourriture, même si j'ai vite appris à ne jamais manger près des endroits touristiques, mais à trouver des petits restaurants où vont les locaux, avec des menus courts, et c'était toujours mémorable. Je vous souhaite un Joyeux Noël et vous remercie pour votre réponse. Salutations de Norvège.
@@caudron5926 En même temps, c'est jamais bon d'envenimer les choses, non? Surtout si le patissier est un con qui l'aurait bien mérité, en effet...🙂
Yeah, we have our share of jerks in France too... Don't feel embarrassed: shout back!
@@caudron5926Le "pick-me" français par excellence, qui, pour se faire bien voir des étrangers, blâme toujours ses compatriotes même quand ils sont dans leur droit. C'est normal de ne pas prendre en photo l'oeuvre d'une autre personne sans son accord en fait. Si tu veux prendre en photo ton gâteau tu le paies avant. Tu te crois où ?
Personally, I'm not fond about overly friendly fake comments when standing in a line or whatever. This is what makes me feel like I'll fit in well there. When strangers address me here in the US, I consider it rude and I'm born and raised here so its not just the French that consider that rude.
While in Paris, I aimed not to be the typical tourist. I always started conversations with a 'bonjour', a tip I picked up from Rick Steeves' Paris book, and remained polite and patient, as I didn't want to come across as a rude tourist. There's this notion that Paris can be tough on Americans, but overall, my time in France was wonderful, and I'm eager to return. However, I did encounter, on a few occasions, what can only be described as unnecessary rudeness from "SOME" Parisians.
One morning, at a typical cafe for breakfast, I tried ordering two cheese omelets in French, "Puis-je avoir deux omlets", but the server seemed confused. After a couple of attempts, I switched to English, yet it didn't help. It crossed my mind that she might be deliberately making it difficult, perhaps to provoke a typical 'Ugly American' reaction. Instead of reacting, I thanked her and went to another cafe nearby.
Then there was this time at a Parisian pharmacy. I needed saline solution, which is 'saline' in French as well. You'd think it would be straightforward, but it turned out to be just like the cafe incident.
In contrast, I doubt a French tourist would encounter such situations in New York City.
Don't be paranoid, you just have a shitty accent that's it.
Don't worry, Parisians don't have a good reputation among other French people... 😅
That's because we don't eat eggs for breakfast in France, typical cafes usually don't serve it! She was probably genuinely confused! 😊 You need to find a more international place.
I know what I like to eat and what I don't like to eat. I try very hard to never order what I don't like to eat, BUT there are rare times when every dish has something that I don't like to eat. The alternative to not changing up the order is my scraping off the parts that I don't like or spitting it into a napkin. It is up to the chef and/or waiters which they prefer. The choice in restaurant isn't always mine.
Yes, I find it more polite to put what I don’t want to the side of the plate. Works like a charm.
An American colleague said 'we'll have to have a family meeting soon'. I've been waiting ten years for the 'soon' to happen. He said he'd call me.
One time, in the south of France, I was out having a drink on a patio and I swatted a pigeon away from me and someone got really mad. oops
Most of the things you talked about are considered rude here as well. I was taught that it was rude to ask how much something cost unless I made it clear I was interested in buying something like it myself. I heard all the stereotypes of how rude the French are, but I found most of them to be as polite to me as I was to them. I also found people in Paris and Fountainbleau to be as different as in Gotham City and Mayberry. The big city/small town dichotomy is as strong there as it is here. A couple of things I found humorous were that when I slaughtered the French language I was interrupted by something like "Please stop that. My English is better than your French. We'll speak English." and once I was stopped on the sidewalk by a young woman leaving a shop with an unlit cigarette in her hand. Being caught by surprise, I didn't understand when she asked me for the time. I thought she wanted a light and held out my lighter. She grabbed my left arm, looked at my watch, thanked me, and walked away-with the cigarette still unlit.
You probably got a better response because you tried to speak french (even if you butchered it) - they could see you were making an effort.
I appreciate this video, and would like to say that where I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains of Kentucky the negative stereotype thing is very much understood. In fact I would think a lot of these types of things have their own way of showing up in other cultures. You shouldn't ask strangers about money, you shouldn't fail to follow through with people, and being a donkey's hind end is not cool even if you think it was "just a joke". I can't remember the last time I started an interaction with someone without some sort of greeting and/or introduction, mostly because that would make me feel uncomfortable. I wish we had that same view as the French do regarding the photos though.
I live in Paris. Conversely so often, a common trait, when French say the will give you a confirmation, a follow up mtg to conclude a plan - don't hold your breath.
I almost made the comment about speaking german to a guy who wouldn’t sell me a stamp pretending to not understand. (I was trying hard to speak French.)
On the other hand every other person I met was friendly and helpful.
Talking about having a coffee one of these days can be a french thing to ! Maybe it's not as usual but when you meet new people in vacation, it always happens. Just like the American ! As we say in France, sometimes, we should sweep first in front of our door.
Canadians make empty social invitations too. As an ESL instructor of adults, I have heard that people from Europe and Asia find this habit cold and flaky.
Great posts. Thank you for sharing this. You've definitely provided valid information, especially about photos. Always ask.
Happy holidays Diane!
I'm 100% in agreement with you and I loved the benign, non accusatory, friendly approach you took. Thank you.
Speaking of costs: I think that must be regional or generational. I’m in my 70’s…American…and I was raised that to ask someone what something cost was utterly crass, and showed that you were not raised well.
Thank you for the excellent advice. I love your glasses. They are so flattering.
I have been to France 5 times. I love the food there and the way the chefs prepare the food has always been great. Forget where you come from. Eat what they suggest you should try. Stay away from steak or brochettes. The French do not master the art of aging beef. I have never had a good steak or brochette in France. The meat is always tough. If you order something typically French, you will have a great meal. The all the choices on the menus, you should find something good to eat. Don't go to France expecting to eat like you eat at home. Each region has specialties. Each region's wine will go well with these specialties. Trust your waiter's suggestion. Except for the steak, no food in France will kill you. I have had Escargots in the US and Canada and I can compare it to eating pencil erasers, but not the ones I got served in France. They were very tender and tasty. Even the canned ones. You want to bring back some of these delicacies, go to a large surface stores. There will be a whole row for local foods. They will be quite a bit cheaper than you would pay in the specialty stores for the exact same product.
Lol French does not know make steak...
Yes quite funny what you think about french steaks. I hate the "american way" to cook meat (maybe "burn" would be a better word, can you call that "cook" or "grill" ?) for 4 hours on a barbecue with a lid on it, for example : OMG, just awfull 😂
Well, in fact, just different ways to like meat, and you're allowed to prefer the american steacks and brochettes ... I'll let them all for you 😉.
Neither USian nor French here, so I have no monkey in this circus BUT ... there are many differences between the cattle-raising and beef production practices in the US, and those in all parts of Europe, as well as in the breeds used for beef, which results in differences in the appearance, flavour and texture of the beef, even if the ageing, the butchering (cutting) and the cooking were to be identical.
A large part of the difference in flavour is accounted for by the fundamental differences in diet. Beef cattle raised in Europe tend to have diets containing much less grain, and much more fibre (grass or preserved grass) than do beef cattle raised in the US. They are also very likely to be significantly more physically active than are US beef cattle.
Also, the meat in France - and Europe in general - isn't produced using those popular-in-the-US flavour enhancers, known as hormones, antibiotics and artificial colourings ;)
FWIW, the very best beef I've ever had was New Zealand beef. I prefer the fuller flavour of grass-fed beef and find US grain-fed beef to have a floppy sort of texture and a slightly greasy 'mouthfeel'.
Bringing up WWII in that way is just so offensive. The French aid in the American Revolution was integral to our existence. Maybe talk to the French about our gratitude for that.
I literally see weekly comments on my videos about the white flag
@@OuiInFrance There are so many uneducated people, and, sadly, that's universal.
For a long time, the French have blamed the Belgians for surrendering to Germany at the outset of the war (Belgium has a population of about 10 million people, and the then King knew that there was no way we could resist the invasion of the German well-prepared, vastly superior army; he then chose to prevent what could only have turned to be a nasty carnage).
But kudos to you for having mentioned the European Résistance that was paramount in preparing the ground for the Liberators, which is very rarely mentioned by the latter ... Yet so many were tortured, imprisoned, killed for having taken huge risks in an occupied Europe, by sabotage actions and providing key intelligence info to the Allies !
But even my mom who's lived the Liberation has kept the souvenir of the GI's as being friendly, generous, ... childish and flippant ...
@@OuiInFrance What's this I hear about slurs using the symbol of the white flag?
Are seriously Americans of our disturbingly increasingly, frighteningly around-the-world warring times, still going on about the French, and/or Europe owing them for overcoming the nazis?? Really?
And, how many more white supremacists, antisemites, and other extremists of all kinds, shape or form would there then be in the US of A -- which were BTW themselves built on what genocide, and utilizing, abusing what other population, remind me??
I mean, ppl REALLY ought to check their references, their upbringing, and, learn, teach themselves some history & geopolitics, before even talking to foreigners,
or even neighbours who are even the slightest different from themselves.
Ignorance is indeed a real devastating and blunt pandemic. A fact which in and of itself is a mind-blowing oxymoron, isn't it just ?
☮,☕ ,& Norbert Tarayre's remedy against "gueule-de-bois" for everyone !
(paste the title of his video into your YT-search engine : " RECETTE DE NORBERT : REMÈDE ANTI-GUEULE DE BOIS ! ", if you're curious, and if you don't hate me too much for everything I just dished out, myself, to take any advice coming from me... I really mean this recommendation to help everyone to be kind to themselves, after the heavy and loaded meals of the end of the year festivities) . Cheers 🥂&☮0ut, Jungled0ut Bagheera
@@OuiInFrance You could answer (and it's true) that the white flag meaning comes from the french king's flag, used by all the countries so many times surrendering in front of the french armies. When you surrender, you raise the flag of the winner : the french flag.
Aid from the King. Enormous difference....
It's a two-way street, when someone suggests catching up sometime, it's up to either person to make the call and suggest a time and a place.
Greeting with a hug, or hugging goodbye. I automatically hugged someone goodbye and it was embarrassing to the french friend. I'll be sure to pay more attention next time!
being scolded by the chef of the restaurant you're dining in must be a very unpleasant experience
especially in front of other people! haha
Yep would never happen in the U.S. unless you burned the kitchen down!
@@jaengenYeah, rare Fr*nce W.
For all their infamous arrogance, scolding people for not knowing how their own cuisine works and demanding changes is actually understandable.
I really hate the sense of entitlement of American consumers.
@@jaengen This is why we french people always have a baguette with us, to resolve, if necessary, these situations with a duel...😀
maybe, but it makes for a pretty unique holiday photograph
Yeah, I've been called out for rudeness in the States and I grew up here. Could people just write all this crap down for those of us who can't figure out how to be phony?
Basically, to be polite… you need to think of others and what makes them comfortable. Be gracious without fawning. Speak with kindness, clarity, purpose, and appropriate language.
merci pour ce bon épisode, c'est très instructif !
Anytime anyone asks you anything about money or pay rate, say "ONE TWO THREE DOLLARS" and let them sit there like a doofus.