WIL WHEATON on Traumatic Child Acting, Abuse on Set, Impacting Nerd Culture, Stand by Me & More
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- čas přidán 5. 08. 2024
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Wil Wheaton (Stand By Me, Big Bang Theory) joins us this week to share his brave story of coming to grips with the trauma of his childhood, breaking the cycle so it doesn’t carry on to future generations, and understanding that part of his healing process may lead to a lifetime split from his family.
Wil is an open book as he talks about problematic introductions to the world of child acting and how his career was propped up from parental projections onto him.
We also get into his annotated look back into the past with Still Just a Geek, his amazement of being in Star Trek as a trekky, and how he manages his anxiety, depression and PTSD.
Timecodes:
0:00 - Intro
3:58 - Wil Wheaton
8:15 - Realization
10:35 - Impacting Nerdom
12:15 - First Audition
13:50 - Abusive Upbringing
20:00 - Trauma
23:30 - Stand by Me
31:00 - Resentment
33:30- Wasn’t Ready
38:30 - Manipulation
43:00 - Flash Back
48:30 - Making the Split
56:56 - The Hole
1:05:30 - Supportive Wife
1:10:00 - Anxiety
1:14:05 - ShitTalkin
1:21:30 - Outro
1:23:36 - Love Ya!
WIL WHEATON on Traumatic Child Acting, Abuse on Set, Impacting Nerd Culture, Stand by Me & More #insideofyou #wilwheaton - Zábava
Years ago after a visit with my parents, as my 2 teenage boys were leaving, my dad reached out to me. The boys were just typical goofy teens and we had played and roughhoused during the visit. Just normal father son silliness but it registered with my father. He called me to one side as Mom and the boys were outside saying bye. His comment was, "I wish I had been the father to you as you are to your boys." That was the most important thing he had ever said to...He saw me! He saw what we missed. That recognition meant so much to me that it has stuck for years, finally I was seen. Thanks Dad, I really needed that.
You made me 😭. In a good way 😊.
My mom is...... waaaaaay to much to unpack in a comment. Also, it doesn't do me any good to bring up the ugly, it just sucks 😞. Back on the old ranchero, she gave me a moment like the one you ❤️ got with your dad. I was going through a nasty divorce. My ex turned my daughter against me (temporary so don't be sad we're ( TOTALLY GREAT 👍🤪❣️). I was destroyed. Not good. She came over crawling into bed with me, grabbed me up and said do you hate me? I said no momma why would you even ask? If you don't your daughter could never EVER stay with her dad. He's using her and kids ALWAYS find out the truth. She said she was proud that I rode it out instead of trying to get my daughter to hear the truth from my own lips. It would have just sounded like the way her dad spoke about me. Feels REALLY GOOD afterwards, but while you're taking it, the high road hurts like hell. Glad to be in the other side no human alive could break our bond now. Thanks for your comment.
Hope you told him that, and didn't just post it on CZcams.
Good to hear you got that Steve. Sad that Wil didn't.
All Gen Xers want from our Baby Boomer parents is acknowledgement that they weren't perfect and we felt let down and they take it. But much like Millineals, they just can't. Their egos are too big. I always related more to my WWII grandparents than my parents even as a kid. It's a Boomer thing. They're just shits.
Omg this brought tears to my eyes❤️❤️❤️thank you for sharing. I miss my Dad. We were close. And my mom and I are not. Hopefully she sees me before it's too late.
"Having no parents hurts less than keeping them in my life". That is the ultimate fact of narcissistic parents. Wil, I feel and see you, brother.
“Feel and see you brother”?
You see him yes, but you don’t ‘feel’ him not is he your ‘brother’.
Be authentic not just generic emotional words. He’s not reading this.
Your comment is out of line. I'm showing empathy and sympathy based on mutually shared experiences. I do feel him and I do recognize his suffering. You know nothing about what I have had to endure for 50 years nor do you understand the ability to "see" trauma. Will and I are members of Gen X and our generation had our worlds destroyed by Baby Boomer narcissism and 50% divorce rates. I know his pain. You do not. We have skin in the game, you do not. Stay in your lane. If you nothing constructive say than keep quiet. Best to let folks think you are a fool then to open your mouth a prove it.
As a child I often fantasized that my parents would die (painlessly) in a car wreck so that we could be adopted by people who wanted us. Now that I'm older I understand that they didn't have loving parents either, and had no idea how that parenting thing works.
@@NyeGuy-yv2dv you put 50x more effort into that reply than that asshat deserved. Well said.
@@doctorstreamspunk9996 I see you found a root cause, but that is no excuse. In 2003, I stopped all contact with the people I grew up. Family not a good definition of what they were. 2023, I am 55 years old and I even when I come from that, I am not like that with my 14 yrs old daughter.
Wil’s acting in Stand by Me during the scenes about Gordy’s relationship with his father also seemed so real. Now we know why.. the feelings were real.
Good call!
I teach primary school, we run across kids all the time who haven’t found their people yet. Their families aren’t doing it, their peers don’t get them, all we can do is hope they can make it in one piece to a place where they can. I am so glad that Will found his people. His story could have easily ended differently.
That must be heartbreaking to watch. I was one of those types of kids. It took me a long time to find my people, but I did and I am so much happier, healthier now. But I have to say, I would not be here if it wasn't for a few teachers who just acknowledged my existence. Even if it was a small thing or a passing moment. You are probably doing more for these kids then you even realize just by being there for them.
That's why I try to make my class room a welcoming place for all students. I teach high school math, and sometimes The lack of hygiene is tough to get around, but I love those kids to death and can handle the odor if it makes them feel a little more loved and accepted.
I've you've read his writing Wil makes that abundantly clear. The reason he disappeared from Hollywood was because he saw what had happened to his friend River Phoenix and he was afraid of the same thing happening to him.
Jonathan Brandis played a pretty-obvious expy of Wesley Crusher in SeaQuest DSV. Both the character and the actor had many points of similarity with Wesley and Wil. And Brandis committed suicide also. I don't think that was part of Wil's choice. But it does tend to underline the point that he's making that he could have ended the same way oh-so-easily
Just came up on this episode after watching the interview with Jonathan Franks. I cannot believe all the trauma that Wil had to deal with. I wish I could hug Wil and tell him that he always matters... This is an amazing interview..
I had a brief conversation with both Wil, and Jonathan when attending a convention. Even though I was a volunteer, both were very kind.
But having a one on one conversation, it is powerful. Kindness is as well.
I said to both of them, thank you for all you do, and taking us on these journeys with you.
I also said " thank you for being here"
Jonathan says "no thank you, people like you are why we do this"
They both smile, and I helped guide them to the room they were hosting a q&a in
I can never forget that memory
Always liked Frakes' acting and style. I'm a little disconcerted he concludes such great things about Wheaton. I can only imagine he has no clue how Wheaton treats people that might view our reality differently than he views it, probably due to the bubbles Wheaton confines himself to, maybe out of necessity due to his upbringing, of which no one was privy. Such a dynamic is interesting to me, if we assume his version of events are accurate - there is considerable doubt about that - because it means that his ability to trust others was so diminished that he insulated himself even among people he would call friends and family, indicating that the person you see before you is so trained in hiding his personality, trials and tribulations, that all interactions must then be suspect. Regardless, it's wonderful to feel compassion for others, as you're expressing.
Same. YT served up that video, which led me to this Wil Wheaton video. This interview is soooo good that it made me subscribe to a channel that I never heard of before today. 😯
Same route for me. I never knew.
and Bill Shatner was a complete prick to him too, to add insult to injury!
I’ll be 72 next month. I’m an abuse survivor. I wish we’d had access to conversations like this when I was young. I was middle aged before I could admit how horrible my childhood had been and start to ditch the shame and self blame. I still remember the day my Dr told me that I was a scapegoat child and not a demon. To this day I worry about how my trauma may have harmed my kids and in turn my grandchildren. I celebrate my incredibly supportive husband. Thank you for discussing difficult subjects and recommending therapy to your listeners
My one brother of 3 became my Dads scapegoat, then he became an alcoholic with alot of tragedy in his life.,Most of the parents of the post Ww2 and depression era had drinking problems and were abusive in my opinion. Our town was full of alcoholics but it was a big secret, at least rehab is readily available these days. Thanks for your openess
@@barbaralopushinsky2707 it’s pretty tough spending your life being told your parents and grandparents were members of the greatest generations, when those speaking don’t realize that the immense challenges they faced crippled them in so many ways. Boomers have made many mistakes but many come from trying so hard to break the cycles of abuse so our children and grandchildren could grow up empowered and emotionally healthy
💝💐
Just found this episode after seeing the clip with Jonathan Frakes. Big thanks to Wil for speaking so truthful about how he had to break the cycle and be a better father to his kids than he had. I have an 18 month old son and I am very aware of things about my parents that I need to do better with my wife and kids, and this interview acts as a reminder to that goal. Thanks for that.
Thank you. That is exactly how I found this video, and just what I wanted to say.
Same here! Found this video the same way.
Here too!
Me too
My mother, that just recently passed, used to tell me how much she regretted things. For example she regretted not having the money to send me to post secondary. I could never get her to understand that her and my father were perfect parents. I look back on my past and nothing about my childhood or my parents falls into the bad side of those memories. My heart breaks for people that don't have the same love and support. Wil should be proud of breaking that mold, and becoming the admirable man he has become. You're an inspiration Wil. Remember that.
My mother is exactly like this. My brothers - treated like Gods. My sister and I, maids and living wallets. She loved nothing more than to pit her children against oneanother with misinformation and violence. As adults, we have nothing to do with one another. Toxic parents like this operate with silence and favoritism, gaslighting their "favorites" to keep them under their control by branding you as the scapegoat. Nothing I ever did was good enough. After decades of putting up with her abuse she told me, "Your brothers are just easier to love." Wow. Okay. Got it. Bye. Cut her off, cut them off. Nothing to do with any of them because love is not supposed to make you feel like garbage. And being a parent doesn't give them a free pass to treat their kids that way.
I’m glad Wil is still with us. So many people going through less decide to quit life. Thanks, Wil, for being so open about this. Maybe more people will take the hint and get help. Nothing wrong with it. 💕
this was the Therapy session we didn't know we needed. Hats off to Michael and just letting Wil talk, but giving it a fun and lighthearted ending too. Thank you to Wil for being able to talk about the things you dealt with in such a prolific way.
Up is the adverb…keep walking😉
Wow, I never knew how horrible Wil's childhood/family was. It's amazing to me that he made through all of it, under the public eye, without self destructing. I'm so happy that he's gotten to a happy and healthy place. Great interview!
everything Will talks about how his parents said and did , the narcissist behaviors hit home so hard. My mom always said those things to me. I was always being "over dramatic", I never remembered thing correctly, told to shut up, forced to give up my passions and focus in my case only on academics, father was emotionally, verbally, mentally abusive. It just hits so hard.
I was always told,”your stupid, or dumb” when I was in a horrific car accident as I was coming home from a master’s class for a dual degree, I wanted to finish it. My mother said “ Wht bother? It’s a waste of time now” I was crushed. I regret not finishing it
the problem is even loving non-narcissistic parents will say most of the things he complained about.
Me too 😢😢😢
My mom still says those things to me. My dad did too until he died last year. They didn’t say it w maliciousness though.
Sister you are healed in Jesus’ name!!!!!!! It is done!!!!!! God bless you!!!!!
You got to love Ann for giving Wil what he needed in the hardest times.
This sort of conversation is not only healing for victims of domestic abuse, but can be very helpful for parents who can be self-aware enough to see abusive behaviors in themselves so that they can change course before more damage can be done. Thank you for sharing, Wil.
Unfortunately, it's pretty rare for narcissists to self-reflect and change their abusive behavior. Will explains how he tried to reach out to his parents in the last few years to get them to do just that and they are literally, biologically, incapable of doing that.
I feel just like Will did. 47 years old I finally found peace. Dad tried to do what he did to me to my son.
I said no. I called him out.
He answered by attacking me and afterwards when I left he lied to the police and had me arrested for domestic violence.
The truth was on my side, I held true, the family that knew the truth stepped up, my friends stepped up.
I realised then the problem was never me.
Today I see my father as a child that never grew up and does not deserve me, my son, our love.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and she used to tell me "you only have one mother" and I used to say "well thank god for that!!" *cue narcissistic rage*
She also used to tell me "you'll regret it when I'm dead!" (whatever that was supposed to mean). I didn't go to her funeral because I'd have had to be restrained from dancing on her grave.
@Siobhan_ Shivaun thanks for your comment. The 'dancing on her grave' comment hit home for me as it's a comment I always use about my narcissistic mother.
I don’t plan on going to my mother’s funeral either!
I grew up watching him in the 80’s idolizing him and thinking he had a perfect life. I appreciate his transparency and being completely real with his experiences, a truly exceptional podcast, I’m sure this will resonate with a lot of people in their own traumatic past with family
I feel bad for how he was raised because I have four kids and am crazy about all of them. They have not all done right but I love them unconditionally and hope the best for all of them. It looks like Will has decided to NOT raise his kid or kids the way he was raised and for that I thank the Lord.
I just listened to a 50year old crying that daddy wasnt nice to him. Thats why his life is still 40 years later so unbearable.
Just what have we become. Its a massive crying show.
Dude, deal with it. Life is hard. Deal with it. Everyone is struggling way harder than you. Deal with it.
@@livinlicious I think it is because our upbringing teaches us so much. If it was.bad lessons they are hard to unlearn.
@@livinlicious I’m sorry your heart is so closed off and lacking of empathy that you cannot see how his words are resonating with the audience who had similar experiences. I hope you find peace one day.
@@livinlicious Agreed. I think he is also trying to attain a “victimhood status” which raises his Twitter credibility.
If he just admitted he had a pretty great childhood by most of the world’s standards then he would just be yet another rich white guy which amounts to less than nothing on Twitter.
“Trauma survivor” … “I’m a victim too”… “feel sorry for me”.
This guy genuinely disgusts me as human.
Soft … self absorbed… whiner … still hiding behind a mask to make sure everyone sees that he is
Wil, you do know what it's like to know the unconditional love of a father. You became one for your sons. I'm so sorry you never quite had that dad piece in your life, but you owned the space for your boys, and that sir is absolute aces.
The treatment of the children in our society is the central problem keeping the human race from moving forward. I think about this a lot because, after realizing that I'd been emotionally neglected by my narcissistic parents, I started noticing just how pervasive this is. Loving and supporting children is the only path to a better world. Thanks to Wil for being open and honest about all of this.
My mom was a narcissist. When my kids were in college I thought I was a really great mom (cuz I wasn't exactly like her) and I said so to them. The look they gave me was classic. It was a good bit of honestly on their part. I'm so grateful my kids are honest with me, tell me what I did wrong and let me apologize. My mom never apologized to me and I get how much that experience can hurt. PS Wil, I love every time you and Felicia Day work together, it always makes me smile!
My husband’s parent were very much like Wil’s; nothing he could ever possibly do, or be, was good enough for them, although everything his brother did was fantastic. After college graduation, he moved 1,200 miles away from them. We had limited contact with them throughout our marriage, as - by extension through marriage - I was also not worthy of them. They visited with us, always stying a very tortuous week, and they tried to be on good behavior around their grandsons. Eventually, our sons began picking up on the lies, ‘stories’, and verbally abusive behavior that were aimed at their dad and me. We pulled away further, with little contact. Life was good. Then, after our eldest son graduated from graduate school (it was the last ‘Great Recession’, circa 2010), and couldn’t find a job in our area, he asked his grandparents if he could stay with them to find a job in their area. Sure, they said! As he packed, we asked him several times if he knew what he was getting into, as his dad had told him what he’d gone through at their house. Our son was convinced it would be different, as he was their grandson. Within weeks of moving in with them, we got a late night call from him, asking, “Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad? I thought those ‘stories’ you told me were just tall tales, like trudging through the snow, uphill, for 5 miles, going to and returning from school!” His dad told him that he didn’t detail specific behaviors because he was doing everything he could to distance himself from his childhood, trying desperately to break the abuse cycle, which we finally discovered was classic narcissistic behavior. Our son spent as little time with them as he could, working as many hours possible to save money for his own apartment across town from them. We helped him move away from them. His grandfather’s parting words that day were, “You lasted longer here than I expected. I thought you’d be gone in a few weeks.” No thanks for doing the yard work, painting the house, doing inside house maintenance, etc. on whatever free time our son had.
Wil Wheaton is my favorite audiobook reader. A massive talent and certainly the voice of my generation.
My sister and I survived a toxic childhood & vowed in adulthood to break the circle. Especially as parents. I think Wil reminds us that our origin family aren’t our responsibility. T y for a great chat🩷
Breaking the cycle takes extreme intelligence! Good for you.
Listening to Will's story makes me more cognizant of how I am as a parent and how I've exhibited narcissistic tendencies over the years and how I wholeheartedly wish I could make amends.
If you are this aware of it you will! Just never forget to check yourself. You are a good person if you think like this, remember that.
You have insight - that's the key. It's never to late to own it and apologize! Best wishes!!
Never too late! Choose to act from Love! Choose to show gratitude, respect, appreciation... with zero expectation of reciprocation. May you find healing.
I read some great advice years ago, "Catch your children being good." We are primed to chastise our kids when they do something bad; so I make a point of complimenting or thanking them out of the blue.
It's never too late to make amends---being self aware is half the battle---break the chains of hurting others and look for helping them/supporting/at least understanding their position--first! ..good luck!
Not a big fan of Wil being cut off in the middle of sharing these deeply emotional experiences. I can understand if someone needed to be refocused, redirected or perhaps needed some help in finding something to talk about... but Wil is eloquent and extremely good at conveying his experiences and, for people like me, making me feel less alone and understood. I understand we all have questions we want to ask, but respectful timing is important. To Wil: I feel you, brother. And you're right... it's not about you. Love 'n hugs.
It takes a special skill to pull yourself back and give the other person space to share their experiences. Michael doesn't have that naturally (very few people do unless they are trained or just inherently patient and empathetic) and it would be great if he considered adding those skills to his repertoire as an interviewer.
Maybe not ideal. But it's simply him. He had a strong connection to W.W. (having also "problems") from what I understood and wanted to share that by adding a little of himself* - expressing his understanding. Which in retrospect is fine to me, as he didn't over do this! Perhaps a few more smart questions instead would be ideal, but the show is still about the moderator a little bit and it went well anyhow and I am thankful for bringing this on. *Let's also try to understand Michael and see the positive :)* (TBH I was a little afraid he would not let W.W. talk enough after that thing; but yea again, it went really well - and in the end W.W. talked almost exclusively kinda hypnotising the moderator lol - a good sign! (probably) (when michael was honest of course, which I will not try to judge) *PS: So from my long time understanding it's simple to explain: Michael probably was afraid he didn't have a chance to say what he felt and that's why he had this little spurt, during the very continuous vivid tale telling by W.W. which could be challenging to deal with. I kinda know this thing when talking with my spouse sometimes and it's well perceived/understood - AKA: say it before it's too late and might slip out of your mind (actually fostering a good conversation, of course if done moderately enough...). This ambition also shows interest(!), so I even welcome it(!!); and remember: Nobody is perfect. So again as this was rare - perhaps slightly too rare for my taste - I can kinda get the reason behind it, the actual intend, and am happy about the event. W.W. brought some great insights.
This answer was directed to @daninanity6651 . Best wishes, start of the week, or best rest of your day :)
@@alexanderxyz6146 well said, my friend. And trust me, I am compassionate towards Michael and his interruptions, but as someone who also identifies with similar challenges, it was very distracting. When I say "Not a big fan of", this is a sign of my own issues with attention and why I tend not to watch interviews like this. It's my problem, not his.
And you and your spouse shared the same kind of communication as me and hubby. The only time this doesn't work for us-and we have to use great constraint-is when we argue. :D
So yes, I do understand... and I do see the positive. But I'm also on the spectrum and if something doesn't work for me, understanding why it's happening isn't going to help. "Respectful timing" is what I try to afford those I engage in conversation... because trust me, my mind goes a mile a minute... so I have to restrain my mouth from doing so. A pen and paper at hand usually helps as long as I make listening a priority.
All in all, it was a good interview. And I appreciate your POV.
My mother used that "Family" card frequently, but it wasn't her MOST devastating tool. Her very best tool was, "You're not trying hard enough, you'll never be able to try hard enough. You'll never be good enough, but if you don't try harder you'll learn that even more can be taken from you."
I met Wil at a convention, around 2006 or so. He was very kind, even though we only had a few minutes to chat. But he was also very smart and knowledgeable.
Thanks Wil! At 50 I learned I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and PTSD from a narcissistic parent. It's valuable to hear you talk about it, and it helps me feel seen. Thank you.
I am two years older than Wil and I have watched him since he was in Stand by Me and I had a sense that he was sad and hurting I could see it in his eyes because I saw it in myself. I am also a childhood trauma survivor and I think we can relate to each other without really knowing how badly we crave the love we need and we look for it because we were never given the love and caring that all children deserve. I'm glad that Wil is at peace .
Wil's a legend. It's a hard thing to look at the trauma that shaped you and decide to mould something new with that clay. Serious respect to him, not only for doing so, but showing others that it can be done.
WOW! this really hits home for me. I walked away from my parents 25 years ago because of abuse and, I have never felt better for it, NO ONE understands even if you try to explain the abuse it's always 'BUT THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS?' so thank you for your sharing your story. It really means so much to me and I am sure MANY MANY others. I am so glad you seem so happy and content.
Many people understand.
This week’s episode is so powerful and heartbreaking. Will definitely had a traumatic childhood. I am glad that he found a family with his Next Generation cast. A part 2 is definitely needed . Prayers
I'm simply in awe of Will Wheaton - thank you Michael for getting him on the show!
When Will talked about his anxiety referencing the “bees”, wow did that hit home. Fantastic interview!!
I feel like Wil was telling my story. My father was physically abusive and his mother was a monster. I know now why he was the way he was but you don't understand that when you're a kid who was also bullied outside the home. I had that cathartic moment about 8 years ago and it was the most painful thing I ever lived through, but when it was over it was like a whole world lifted off me. The abuse destroyed my sister (she's gone now) and my brother and I did our best to end the cycle of abuse (I raised my niece and my brother has twin sons). My career for so long was what my father decided it should be and not the creative career I wanted. That life made me suicidal (and I attempted a number of times). My life changed when I went back to school to study theater and I found myself. From then on I decided to pursue the artistic life and became a professional scenic artist. It was a hard choice. Working in the arts is not very profitable unless you are very lucky, but I chose it knowing that and spent 25 years working in theater. I barely survived financially, but it was the best choice I ever made. Now I'm a writer and I've written a character that was abused by a horrible father and that was releasing. The character is left with a choice on his father's deathbed whether or not to forgive his father and he echoed what I felt when asked why I couldn't read a letter from my father asking for my forgiveness. The abuse I suffered may not have been the worst, but to me it took away a part of me and I may not have suffered to the extent a lot of people have but it was my suffering. To read that letter would have appealed to the part of me that would have allowed me to see his humanity and if I were to do that it would negate everything I suffered. It would have negated ME. I couldn't do that, and neither could my character. I could forgive for my own sake, but I couldn't forget. That pain still exists on a certain level but it is in my past now.
I worked in the industry and I know what Wil is talking about regarding the abuse of child actors and stage mothers. I've seen it. I was also able to see that actors are not just a character but actual human beings. I am so sorry you had to experience this Wil. I always liked you as an actor and now I love you as a person. You are an inspiration.
Have watched a LOT of these 'casts, but never have I just broken down and cried repeatedly like I did today. I was hearing someone I never met talk about my life. Different circumstances, but the same behaviours and relationships. The never-ending disappointment and shame of my existing. The years and years of trying to be good enough to actually feel what we heard from others was parental love. And then finally hitting that wall of "I can't do this anymore. I'll never been good enough to be loved by them, and I can't keep abusing myself by trying to build relationships I'll never have with these people." The day I finally snapped was also the day when I finally started to feel some peace and quiet and calm within myself. I was into my 50s before I gave up, cut off my mother (my father had died already) and my one sister. My other sister - who escaped through university far away and never returned - and I understand each other and love each other the way we never received when we were kids. I am SO much more of a. complete person than I ever thought I could be. The day I cut them off was the day I was finally able to be in charge of my own life and fill it with people who were positive and loving and caring. I finally got to find out who I really was beyond the abuse and the manipulation.
And now, listening to you both, I hear all the things I had dealt with. It was like an unrequested free trip back to hell. But it let me appreciate the full life and love I have now. When I share my experience with younger people still in that place, I let them know that the only person they can control is themselves. Focus on being the person they want to be. To treat others the way you wish you'd been treated as a kid. And that its great to understand why someone is abusive, and it's okay to forgive them if you're ready, but you have the absolute right to not let yourself be put in that situation again. You can't make someone love you, but you can discover your real self and love that person. Then you won't starve for love from others.
You may have issues with being proud of yourself, and that's cool. Being appreciative but not proud as a great indication you've done an amazing job of breaking the cycle of narcissistic behaviour. Thanks for making me repeatedly sob with fear and joy, pain and relief. I'm so happy for you that you are now a person who knows real love and has a family that's healthy and happy. The light at the end of the tunnel, is sometimes the light that's been inside you the whole time.
This podcast with Wil...it's just gutted me to my core! As a fan (of both of you), as a survivor of childhood (+) trauma, but mostly as a mother, I'm deeply gutted to my core. I just wanna hug you both right now! I'm glad you both realize it isn't and never was about you, that's a hard pill to swallow for many trauma survivors. I admire the strength in both of you, you're not just surviving, but finding your own ways to thrive in what makes you feel good in life. I feel like we are entering an era where Finally Mental Health is being recognized as a real issue for many and taken seriously. It wasn't that long ago that if you had something like tourettes, or down syndrome, families would put you away in a institution (an uncle of mine died in such an institution). My daughter is a young adult and calling in due to having a 'mental health issue' is a recognized and viable reason to call in sick. That was Not the case in my (X) generation! I LOVE "This Is Water!", I watched that a couple years ago and have recommended it myself to friends and family! I'm so glad to have heard your story in your words of the experiences you've had! It just shows we're all 'humans' who want to be happy, healthy, and heard. So glad to see how you have taken your power back and using your platform to talk about abuse and narcisscistic/abusive parenting. That point you made about how your mom is always the victim in her story, that's a sign of a Gaslighter. All gaslighters are narcisscists, but not all narcisscists are gaslighters. I was victim of this from first, my mother and later my ex husband. I'm now in a healthy marriage thriving with 3 children that are young adults themselves. Thank you for sharing so much of your truth!
I had an uncle I did not know existed until my mother died. She left my sister in charge of his care in an institution in Georgia. Had I known I would have gone to visit him at least! She did not know until her father died and left his care to her. SHE never went to visit. I cannot imagine! I was frustrated she never gave me that choice!
Will Wheaton is one of my all time favorite audio book narrators.
Thank you for this.
I am near 70. I have PTSD from events that happened before I was 8. My brother, 10 years older, saved me from the worst. We both had years of therapy. We both decided to never have kids. The abuse was multi generational on both sides. TY.
"WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM" Words of wisdom
I grew up with TNG and im glad he found a real family with that cast. Like so many others I love these interviews on this show but this was the first to bring me to tears. This was deep and as someone who has seen a lot of Wil Wheaton stuff (he's taught me how to play many a board game) knowing what I know now about what he was going through during those times... man, we as fans really have no idea. My heart goes out to you Wil, I hope to meet you someday in a time where I can just give ya a big hug. I think we both could use one :).
Watching this reminded me of the scenes he did in TNG where he's getting overwhelmed by the workload of school and expectations of the people around him and how well he played those scenes. He played them really well!
In many ways his character was really similar to the real him...
And I have to say, that even as a kid, I always noticed that there was a certain sadness about him. A baseline of discontent that seemed to seep through the acting. I could never really put my finger on it at the time, I just remember feeling it. It was very subtle. But it all makes perfect sense now... I'm glad I saw this.
This hit me like a freight train with how Wil was treated because I have the same feelings with my narcissistic mother. I wish I could find the peace like he has.
Good Luck man, it is up to you looking for help, remember it is never about you.
We're pulling for you, man. I hope you find it, too.
@@nakazonegamestreaming896 Thank you
@@anlemeinthegame1637 Thank you
@@oldschoolstyle4 Sure man, been there...
I've never been on this site before but just stumbled on to the Jonathan Frakes clip and that sent me straight over here. This was an absolutely riveting conversation. I haven't really ever followed Wil but I've been impressed by what I've heard about him in the past. What a remarkable young man! He is so grounded and centered as a result of all his soul searching and its searing insights. All I can say is I'm off to purchase his book now. You may not like to express pride Wil, but well done young man!!!
At 76 I am still meeting new challenges. Last year I began learning Python.
I started programming professionally in 1982 as a Scientific Programmer Analyst. I am self taught.
I think new endeavors keep you young.
Wil has the twinkle back in his eyes, it's great to see him so tapped into his emotional vitality.
He’s an actor… he literally uses emotion to manipulate an audience lol
I think him cutting out alcohol has been very good for him. It really is toxic to most people. Many can balance it, but it almost never improves your life.
@JustSomeGamer calling someone manipulative because they can do the job of an actor is unhelpful. His emotions here are human and noone forced you to listen
My admiration for Wil Wheaton is off the chart after this interview. I had no idea. What a great interview and Michael R., you are such a caring, thoughtful host. I really am impressed with this episode. My heart breaks for Wil. What an example and inspiration he will be for people who have had a similar experience. You both obviously rose above so much trauma. I hope you will be able to find peace somewhere in that black hole that having to break off your family surely makes. I’ve had similar experiences in some regards. Your story reminded me of Natalie Wood’s story in some ways. Michael, I don’t know your story of your family but would love to hear if you feel to share it sometime. God bless you, Wil and Michael. Wow-this was so powerful!
It's amazing Will isn't more screwed up than he is after the horrific childhood he had. Spiritually speaking unconscious people simply don't know any better to behave better but it doesn't make up for all the pain Will went through. In their life review when his parents go over to the other side they will feel the pain they caused Will and they will be terribly sorry. We are all here to be more conscious and awaken from ego and once we awaken we will be at peace and be more loving to one another. Life can be very very painful but it seems necessary in order for us to recognise our true essence. I wish everyone peace, love and joy.
It's worth noticing that Wil speaks of the extreme emotional abuse by his father and he points out the emotional damage. Then, at 45:23, he off-handedly mentions that his dad, "hits me all the time". But that was almost a throw-away fact because, typically, physical abuse can't hurt a deeper part of you than emotional abuse.
Wow, it is so great that you had Wil on your show. I have so much respect for him openly sharing his journey with the rest of us. These are the stories that need to be told to help us understand and have empathy for each other. This was a great interview and I really do hope you have him on again.
I'm 30mins in and I have gone through a variation of everything Wil has gone through. I cannot tell you how much I relate to having NPD/BPD parents.
I live near Burbank. I hope to run into Wil and tell him he's not alone. This interview is very important.
I feel like I came from a really good childhood. I felt loved and cared for so hearing from those who didn't help broaden my awareness and to be more of considerate of another's situation. I am so very thankful that I was able to listen to this and I appreciate the openness and raw talk that Wil Wheaton shared with you. I grew up watching Mr. Wheaton in many of the shows he talked about and still continue to enjoy watching them.
This is one of the best podcasts in the history of the internet. Good job Michael and thank you Will for telling this story. It's gonna help tons of people.
For me it's totally the glee in his voice telling the story of the engine room at the end. The happiness you can tell he still feels from that experience and as a Sci Fi dude. That just makes me smile to hear it. :)
Such a beautiful and heartbreakingly honest interview. I've been a fan of Wil's since Stand By Me and Star Trek, but even more so after discovering his blog WWDN back in the early 2000s and then reading his first book in 2004. Hearing him speaking so honestly about his experiences is brutal, but he's helping so many people by validating their own experiences. Such an act of generosity.
I just watched this episode. Wow, Wil, I felt so bad hearing what you went through. I'm glad the TNG cast became your family and have been supportive of you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Everything that Will was talking about resonated so deeply with me and how my father was. Growing up with a narcissistic parent who is also bipolar led a very traumatic upbringing full of abuse and neglect. So many things Will said I was like, OMG, that was my dad! I am now 53 and have cut my father out of my life forever. I am so thankful this video popped up on my suggested vids. It has truly impacted my life.
The toxicity of having been raised by narcissists digs so deep. It leaves permanent scars. It affects every relationship you have in life in some way. It's hard to explain that to people who haven't experienced it, but it takes exhaustive mental gymnastics to push through it.
This whole episode is a parade of anecdotal relatability for me.
67 now, but I think I was around 50 when I looked over my life and my failures, of not being the best parent, and it hit me: I did the best I could in this life with the very few coping skills I'd been given. No father, my mother was bipolar, and a cold cold woman. I was not her son, but her servant. She once told me that all I had to do in life was to do what she told me to do. That's when it dawned on me (at 50) that she also did the best she could with the coping skills she had, or rather, she did the best she could with the coping skills she DIDN'T have. That's when I started to let go of all the guilt and shame I'd had of myself, while at the same time I let go of the hate I'd had for my mother. We're all imperfect humans just trying to make it in this life.
Good points. While it's very easy to point out the faults of others, it's not easy to see why they have those faults. It's also very difficult to recognize and own up to one's own personal faults. Then once you have done all of that regain focus with that knowledge and use it to improve the lives of others. Will Wheton is blaming others in this interview a lot. While he might gain a measure of satisfaction from this, it's unlikely he will be satisfied with it.
Same story but havent let go of the hate.
Same story here. My existence is a lot more peaceful with that release of hate. Even thinking about about it inspires me.
Incredible interview that left me nearly in awe of Wheaton's hard-earned spiritual wisdom. I have saved it and watched bits as needed, and I recommend it to anyone I come across who is struggling as an adult with childhood trauma.
Wheaton's inner light shines bright and illuminates some dark corners for the rest of us. Rosey provides the emotional safety and just enough direction to allow him to turn that light on for us.
Shout out to Ryan and a huge thank you to everyone involved in this episode. It is a very special one.
Holy crap! I swear you guys are telling my story. I was told by my mother that I was a mistake. They wanted only wanted my older sister and my younger brother. I'm 55 and my father still does not know how to spell my name. I moved to a large city for about 5 years and not once did my family call me, I always had to call them to get updates. To top it off, whilst I was living so far away from home, my parents moved and didn't tell me. It was 6 months before I finally found a relative that realized I wasn't told. So many things like this went on. Whenever I used to bring anything up, I was laughed at and everything was deflected.
Your mom was disgraceful for saying such things. No parent should ever speak such words to their child
I held it together through this interview until Wil said "I never knew the unconditional love of a father, and I never will." That hit home in a way I didn't know I had not addressed.
I relate to that, too. I know people that are so close to their mothers and need them and rely on them. I can't even conceive of what that feels like. It's such a weird feeling and almost makes you feel like an alien.
Wil and Michael have always been two of my favourites from my generation so this episode was a joy as much as it was heartbreaking. My narcissistic mother didn't push me to do what she couldn't, she sabotaged me so I never outdid her, then played martyr for putting up with such a failure of a daughter. I never had the courage to do what Wil did, and I'm grateful to him for talking about it so openly.
This is so much about how necessary it is to find people who can see you and accept you and love you. It sounds like the great people on TNG saved Wil's life. Potentially literally.
I really think that the fact that Michael knows, at least to a degree, what Wil has gone through, especially as far as dealing with anxiety is concerned, really helped Wil open up during this interview.
I've been waiting for this episode and a lot of what Mr. Weaton said hits home in what I've experienced. I remember at one point in my life that I realized that nothing I was doing was wrong and that some people are just assholes and you can not change them no matter how much you try to be what they want you to be. That realization took a huge load off my shoulders.
This is why I watch episodes even with guests I don't particularly care for as actors. This was totally worth watching.
I'm a huge fan of his - as a child abuse activist, which is the only way I've known him for years. As a actor? I've never seen him in anything lol
Same here - totally surprised me so much I had to spill my guts above to Michael and I hope Wil
After listening to you and Frakes, had to see this one when I stumbled across it just now...Listening to you two going back and forth just sounded like bits and pieces of my childhood being batted back and forth at a tennis match. Fascinating. Thank you Michael and Wil for a little bit of understanding.
Wil, we loved you on TNG, we love you on Ready Room... and many many thanks for being open about childhood trauma and mental health!
Many of us struggle with similar issues. Your openess educates the general public as well as giving the rest of us hope.
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!
Michael...thank you for having Wil appear on your show. I am so glad he was able to openly share his trauma with you and your listeners. He is one of those kids I have high hopes for, just like you. You may be dealing with it daily but I hope that with each episode you gain a new perspective about the traumas you had to deal with. Love and Light to you and yours :)
This is why I love this podcast each guest is a storyteller and they have a stories that need to be hear. Sometimes just hearing others let you know your not alone with what your going through. Wil Wheaton what he been through, your right Wil and your not alone. So many have been also raised in a very toxic and abusive environment. Some have had it worst then others, and as a child it does affect how you grow up. I know someone that was so abuse from a child and from life. All he dose is go to work and home, Never married or any children. He been through counseling in the pasted,He is the sweetest nices person, I got him to open up a little, I can feel and see its way to painful for him. I am always there for him and visit when I can and we talk on the phone. My life wasn’t always a bed of roses either. My father was very abusive and Few of my siblings grew up very toxic and I was in a abusive marriage for 19 years. After 2000 abusive is more and more out in the open and bully in school are taught more to the children,Thank god for changes. I have Really got a lot out of this episode and I am definitely going to read your book . Thank you for another awesome episode Michael you Rock!!!
I am weeks away from starting therapy, and only a couple of months away from turning 40.
The amount of things I related to with Wil's (and even Michael's) stories is ridiculous, and holy crap the tears won't stop flowing. It's been over a decade since I made the same decision Wil did and walked away from my parents after so many chances and broken promises to repent or heal or even just shallowly apologise, and while I'm only properly recognising and addressing the ptsd and trauma now, I've been invfinitely happier and healthier without them in my life.
I had no idea Wil had gone through this, nor Michael or sadly so many of our peers, older and younger. Here's to each of us healing and finding our happiness
I welled up watching this when Wil talked about his flashback. Poor poor guy... I'm so glad he's getting to a better place these days. Love Wil!
I couldn’t help but think of the scene in stand by me when Will‘s character Gordy tells Chris that his dad hates him and he cries uncontrollably I can only suspect now that that was not very hard to reach in an emotional way.
Wow. Just wow. I’m heartbroken to know Wil has suffered through such a traumatic childhood. But I am so proud of him for facing it and changing his trajectory. Thank you for this interview and interaction.
I love that man. It makes me so sad he had such a rough relationship with his family. He is so amazing that he is helping so many telling his story! Thank you for your show.
I've seen a number of your videos now and it's shocking to me how much i relate to people like this who are in the public eye but have these issues. I'm learning so much about myself and my own situation by listening to these podcasts. Also a message to Wil and also you Michael.... you are NOT alone!!!!
Thank you so much for the interview, Michael! Wil Wheaton was so open that I can relate to him when it comes to talk a lot about personal/emotional issues. You again helping me with anxiety, keep going. Love ya
I can't thank you and Wil enough for this show. I just had, in listening to this, an epiphany in what may be wrong in my relationship with my wife, of all people. Weaponizing family is a thing that happens to many people. I think I have gotten to the point in my 52 years that I might need to find a professional to give me some rudder in my mental journey. You guys rock! Thank you BOTH for sharing this with all of us.
To Will, Thank you so much for bravely sharing your story. As a fellow childhood trauma survivor, So much of what you said really hit home and brought tears to my eyes. My relationship with my mother is sort of parallel in a different kind of scenario but still....I had to be an adult at like 9 years old. I've gone through lots of therapy too and even though I've worked through all of it and have done a lot of forgiving, stuff still comes up and I hurt...then I get frustrated with myself that I still let these memories effect me. It's such a process when we've grown up with manipulative narcissist as parents. So happy that you are sharing your truth. So much love and blessings to you and yours. Stay strong, brother!
I can relate to Wil's childhood and psychological trauma so much 😲
I made my peace with my parents when I realized that they also both grew up in broken homes.
I've been a fan of Wil's for years and have followed him on the interwebs and love hearing how honest he is and dig that he's a geek like me. So cool that you got him on the show, Rosey. Great episode!
Wil, thank you for coming on the show. Getting the audio book. Listening to the two of you helped me see something I've been trying for years to come to grips with and figure out. I'm not going to lie, it hurt, a lot. Thank you both for this.
As a 50-some woman, I am grateful to listen to the experiences and reflections of my fellow-humans who are men. My late husband was "damaged" and a nerd-to-the-end (still trying to figure out what to do with his original D&D guides and Star Wars toys), and he taught me so much about what boys/men can go through that other people just don't know about and might not believe (or think is "a big deal"). It's so hard to know that the suffering we hear about now is the same that has gone on since before humans learned to walk on two legs. Life is a fight, and occasionally we experience joy - which tricks us into thinking that joy should be our "normal" state. I literally have to pick up my 17 year old son from therapy in 40 minutes, and truly hope everyone here is okay right now.
Knowing what Wil went through breaks my heart, I have so much appreciation for him and his writing.
Listening to Wil and Rosey talk about their childhoods resonates so much with me. The parallels of what he went through is hitting me on so many levels. Glad to see there is a silver lining and a light at the end of the tunnel.
Wow....his story and just hearing him tell it so raw hit home for me and I found myself saying 'yep' over and over to so many things. Thank you, Will for being so open.
Wow. You can tell he's done a lot of work on himself and therapy. So nice to see a man who has done the work, and is so mature and self-aware. Amazing.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot when other survivors of childhood abuse speak up. I was severaly abused by my dad (physical, verbal, emotional and religious abuse), and my mother was the enabler. The pain never goes away, no matter how old you are. You just learn to live with it.
I cannot thank you enough for speaking up, Wil.
Thanks to Michael and Wil for hosting this conversation. My YT path for STP luckily brought me here.
My narcissistic father just passed. We stopped speaking years earlier. I’ve done the inner work Wil speaks of for 2+ decades but having somatic depression reactions to my dad’s lonely death has been going past my radar. I’m feeling like a highly functional empty husk.
It’s complex to grieve a person who found you of little value, also your only father. All this to say I needed some of Wil’s processing in order to recognize my blind spots. 🙏
Will, when you were discussing the differences between being proud or grateful, that struck a chord with me. Thank you for sharing that and acknowledging the existence of that kind of feeling.
Wil Wheaton was always one of my favorite actors. I had no idea what happened to him as a kid. I would give up every role he ever played as an actor for him not to have to go through this as a kid. I would have loved for him to hace a good childhood. I am so so sorry Wil.
Amazing example of healing. Some things really hit home, other parts were heart wrenching to imagine. The personal growth that Wil has inspired is invaluable. Thank you to Wil and Michael for helping communicate this.
What an amazing guest. Wil Wheaton was so interesting and articulate that I literally was hanging on his every word. Dynamic and forthcoming, Wil was so interesting! I never saw Michael listening so intensely and say so little. This was the best interview to date. Bravo guys!
Wil, I just wanted to say thanks. It is so easy to feel alone with Depression. Hearing you share your struggle has helped me feel less alone today. Plus, you gave me some profound thoughts I had not considered before - such as this might not really be about me. Thank you.
Wil Wheaton is genuinely one of my favorite people, and I absolutely loved this. I mean, I hate that any of this shit happened to him and wish he had a better childhood, but I love how open he is. It helps me not only process my own childhood trauma, which is minor in comparison, but also realize that I don't have to repeat the things that happened to me with my own kids. And I could see how much of his story you could relate to, Michael, even when you weren't speaking. I just wanna go back in time and give both of you hugs as kids and tell the childhood versions of you both that you matter. Since I can't, I will do the same with both of my own children because, at the end of the day, that's what I hope they remember about their childhood. Me hugging them and them knowing that they mattered to me. So, thank you both. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sob in a corner for a bit before I go hug my kids. ;)
Watching this has PROFOUNDLY touched me! I can relate to so many things you talking about and its really helped me to hear you guys discuss these things. I can't even put it into words right now. I doubt Michael or Will would ever see this comment but I just want to put it out there just incase. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for doing this and being so open and real with your discussions on your experiences with the family abuse, anxiety, depression, what you did and are doing that helped you. I can relate to so many things you discussed here. So thank you so very much ✌💜
Wil's story brought me to tears. I've loved his work for a long time, but seeing what a grounded, kind person he is despite what he dealt with growing makes me like him even more.
Great episode. As someone who has survived narcissic abuse, everything Wil talked about resonated. If you have been through it, you recognize it. Something that stuck in my mind in this interview was when Michael asked Wil how would you know if you are dealing with narcissists. There are characteristics of narcissism that people can exhibit, but some people have more traits of narcissism than others. Your mother might be somewhat manipulative telling you she is going to die someday to persuade you to do what she wants. But your experience is different from those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse from our parents, which is that there is never a break from guilt and, in the case of the scapegoats of the family, the guilt that narcissists put on their child is framed in their mind as "you are the sole reason that things are bad in the family (in the narcissist's world)." Narcissits have their own criteria of what is acceptable (and it is usually built around protecting their own psyche). The thing is, people don't realize they were guided by a narcissist for young people until they have left the house and are adults. Because having a narcissist as a parent, they will limit the exposure the child has to anything that is different than what they want. Parents are in charge of their kids and who they interact with and, in my case, made me understand that I could not talk to anyone about what was happening in my home so I was fearful to do that. As a ten year old, I was afraid as a child to say anything because I thought it would be discovered that there was something wrong with me. Fuck, that's messed up.
I started out wanting to say thank you to Wil for talking about this. Thank you Will and thank you Michael.
this guy;'s dad was a real a-hole.
This interview was so helpful to me, thank you for sharing, it feels good to know I'm not alone. I'm sorry for the trauma you suffered Will
Listening to Wil talk about his experience really brought some things home about my own father and how his emotional immaturity affected me growing up. Thank you for this interview.