Romance is a game of hide-and-seek: remembering that you're already whole

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
  • The fundamental game at the heart of romance is hide-and-seek. Romantics cut out a part of themselves, hide that part in someone of their choosing, and then forget about the cutting and the hiding and the choosing. This process imbues love with the possibility of mythic alchemy: the completion of the self in union with the other. However, romantics have always ever already been whole. Unfortunately, remembering this makes it harder to keep playing the game.
    Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY
    Book a paid consultation:
    oriontarabanpsyd.com/consulta...
    Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
    Social Media
    Facebook: profile.php?id=1...
    LinkedIn: / orion-taraban-070b45168
    Instagram: / psyc.hacks
    Twitter: / oriontaraban
    Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
    Orion's Theme: • Enrico Deiana - Orion'...
    Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
    Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
    GRE Bites: / @grebites4993
    Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
    / @psychacks
    Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
    Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
    #psychology #relationship #marriage

Komentáře • 561

  • @psychacks
    @psychacks  Před 26 dny +59

    The fundamental game at the heart of romance is hide-and-seek. Romantics cut out a part of themselves, hide that part in someone of their choosing, and then forget about the cutting and the hiding and the choosing. This process imbues love with the possibility of mythic alchemy: the completion of the self in union with the other. However, romantics have always ever already been whole. Unfortunately, remembering this makes it harder to keep playing the game.
    Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY
    Book a paid consultation:
    oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
    Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
    Social Media
    Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
    LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
    Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
    Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
    Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
    Orion's Theme: czcams.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/video.html
    Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
    Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
    GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
    Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
    czcams.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
    Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
    Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
    #psychology #relationship #marriage

    • @cosmictreason2242
      @cosmictreason2242 Před 26 dny +7

      I think part of everyone's confusion on this episode is that it began sounding like advice on how to pursue a relationship but ended with a warning not to do this but reject it

    • @bedhunter
      @bedhunter Před 26 dny +5

      More on this topic! Please, dig deeper. Thanks!

    • @RealHomeRecording
      @RealHomeRecording Před 26 dny

      Your channel was better when you talked about more than just romantic relationships.

    • @cosmictreason2242
      @cosmictreason2242 Před 25 dny +1

      @@RealHomeRecording he still does. I call cap

    • @alexlitill2315
      @alexlitill2315 Před 23 dny

      Are you talking about incorporating shadow into the consciousness and to be rational in love, to choose what benefit us?

  • @someguy861
    @someguy861 Před 26 dny +353

    "Satisfaction is the death of desire."

    • @YouilAushana
      @YouilAushana Před 26 dny +4

      How can you tells what's the satisfaction and what's the desire?

    • @JD..........
      @JD.......... Před 26 dny +14

      Desire is the death of contentment.

    • @TV-oc4ml
      @TV-oc4ml Před 26 dny +5

      Death of desire is the end of content*

    • @nerozero_
      @nerozero_ Před 26 dny +2

      Then comes a new desire.

    • @cosmictreason2242
      @cosmictreason2242 Před 26 dny

      Consent is the end of thrill 👀

  • @markberger5739
    @markberger5739 Před 25 dny +69

    People are so complicated - Success is getting what you want. However Happiness is wanting what you get! = very different!

  • @raviom
    @raviom Před 26 dny +110

    This is the most accurate, logical and understandable explanation of something that is otherwise illogical and almost impossible to articulate. This guy truly understands ’The Value Of Others ‘

    • @snowbear163
      @snowbear163 Před 26 dny +9

      This is high-level content. Way beyond the dumb "be a high value man" stuff from CZcamsrs who clearly have deep-rooted self-confidence issues. This breaks down the science of the whole thing and how it works.

    • @raviom
      @raviom Před 26 dny +2

      @@snowbear163 Agree. Be a 'Self-Referral Man' is harder to sell than 'Be a High Value Man' . Most RP youtubers are just farming for views/subs.

    • @alfredopampanga9356
      @alfredopampanga9356 Před 24 dny +1

      No , sorry to disagree. It’s a contrived pastiche that bears no resemblance to real life.
      In realty the love object is imbued with everything the romantic yearns for. , accompanied by wilful blindness of the persons deficiencies and failures.
      Byron was shocked when his love object went to the toilet to defecate.

    • @mikha007
      @mikha007 Před 24 dny +3

      his mother told him this stuff when he was a kid

  • @malekkushimuzik3580
    @malekkushimuzik3580 Před 26 dny +77

    All you need is within you. Games are a waste of time.

    • @lpi3
      @lpi3 Před 23 dny +3

      侍の言葉

    • @borrr6568
      @borrr6568 Před 8 dny

      Until you realize its all
      A game, kings and pawns go in the box

  • @antonionutrition
    @antonionutrition Před 26 dny +294

    Dude, I never use my “I have a PhD card” but…. This guy is SO dang knowledgeable. And I’ve met many intelligent people (far smarter than me)

    • @femchud9255
      @femchud9255 Před 26 dny

      The midwit card

    • @Ibrahim-by8ou
      @Ibrahim-by8ou Před 26 dny +37

      Having a PHD doesn't necessarily mean you're intelligent. Just means that you're very knowledgeable in a certain field. Not trying to throw shade btw

    • @antonionutrition
      @antonionutrition Před 26 dny +28

      @@Ibrahim-by8ou no offense taken, lol what you say is very true and I’m glad you’re aware. PhD = highly specific and niche knowledge. All I meant was- I’ve listened and learned from people with PhDs in many areas (so we learn to spot true intellect vs superficial knowledge) and Orion is an example of someone that knows his stuff (as evidenced by his articulation and combination of the knowing the scientific literature and real world application). He knows his stuff as someone who can detect that well

    • @cosmictreason2242
      @cosmictreason2242 Před 26 dny +1

      @@Ibrahim-by8ouit actually just means you've gone very far in school. Lots of odoit phds

    • @Ibrahim-by8ou
      @Ibrahim-by8ou Před 26 dny +3

      @@antonionutrition Oh Makes sense, congrats on getting a PHD. That in of itself is no easy feat!

  • @alex434343
    @alex434343 Před 26 dny +161

    I'm 40 now and I haven't "fallen in love" since I was a teenager. I've been in satisfying relationships but not with that "in love" energy that romance flicks are made of, and I always wondered if this was somehow odd. It was nice to have someone like Dr Orion say that this is normal for people who have got their emotional maturity together. Another great episode by Dr Orion.

    • @szymonbaranowski8184
      @szymonbaranowski8184 Před 26 dny +13

      maturity such, mature people act as old dead people

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +3

      @@szymonbaranowski8184 100%. People can fall in love at 90, if it's the person that clicks in.

    • @mark9294
      @mark9294 Před 26 dny +4

      @@szymonbaranowski8184how would you define maturity instead? Do you think adults should still just “follow their hearts”?

    • @ConsistencyWins444
      @ConsistencyWins444 Před 25 dny +2

      It is possible to “be in-love” and go about in mature way. I just did a short coursed called “Causing Those Loving Feelings” by Alison Armstrong. I am already experience more love.

    • @rayrwyr
      @rayrwyr Před 25 dny +2

      Falling in love has "falling" involved. Fallen souls are to be pitied and helped.

  • @vincewhite5087
    @vincewhite5087 Před 26 dny +75

    When doing college course on sociology, I was assigned to interview long time married couples, and some not so long. I made a small oberservation to Prof. This was in early 80’s. I pointed out, that almost all the long time married people, had grown up together in a community. There was also a faith component. Different faiths, but faith group. The prof gave me studies, showing that prior to the late 1960’s . Vast majority of couples pairing did it with people they grew up with, or knew a long time. The studies pointed to Hollywood & romance industries, changing the way people selected for most of history.

    • @szymonbaranowski8184
      @szymonbaranowski8184 Před 26 dny +1

      biologically best pairs are those of cousins,
      cousins tend to be part of the same communities and religions, cities don't have communities and are less religious, its harder to leave when your spouse is from family it's then not only personal but family matter, we tend to stick with good things that we can't change for better ones

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +3

      It's called compatibility and symbiosis.
      People who meet in a community of similars (homogeneous) stand higher odds of dyadic compatibility.

    • @SurAuvers
      @SurAuvers Před 25 dny +1

      ​@szymonbaranowski8184 that just sounds like you don't break up because you can't.... I guess that's the point.

    • @jefflebars-tf5jw
      @jefflebars-tf5jw Před 24 dny +1

      Au contraire ma chère ! You can always run away in the sunset with another one of your cousins !

    • @Savvynomad225
      @Savvynomad225 Před 7 dny +1

      Dating apps have only been around for 30 years and only extremely popular for a few decades. They’ve also been monetized with public shareholders and are motivated to help people find new strangers to try, but not motivated to help people find lasting connections. Once you realize dating apps and social media damage connections, and don’t help them, you’ll exit stage left

  • @JeremiahNudell
    @JeremiahNudell Před 26 dny +34

    So being a romantic is glamorized just because of the illusory “adventure” of seeking wholeness.
    And that adventure must be equally as compelling as our unconscious belief that we aren’t whole.
    Relationships always got me so damn high quickly followed by a stark contrasting sobriety of disappointment of how ordinary it feels at the end of the day.
    This really put things in perspective for me thanks doc

  • @badmojjo
    @badmojjo Před 26 dny +39

    Interesting hide and seek metaphor.
    My experience is a bit different. To be honest, I am in control of my life, from washing, ironing, cooking to working, advancing in my carreer and even self growth and inner and outer exploration.
    However, I find that these things are fueled greatly when I am in a relationship with a lady. To me, there is a very obvious boost to all of the above when together with a woman, I guess because I start being for more than myself. But with the right woman, not perfect, just right.
    Romantic or not... two is miracle for me, and a most worthy addition to the life.
    Awesome short talk, spoiling us as usual.

    • @TV-oc4ml
      @TV-oc4ml Před 26 dny +1

      You’re co dependent

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 25 dny +2

      Finally someone who gets it.
      All Romantics say is that life is best with someone who fits you body-mind-soul.
      It's not anything radical or delusional, but too many soulless curmudgeons think they are cool when they disparage the fundamental human need for connection, which is what Romanticism is ultimately about.
      Don't ever trust any detractors of Romanticism, they are soulless, which would be a good chunk of humanity.

    • @Punchinelli
      @Punchinelli Před 25 dny +9

      @@TV-oc4ml Being motivated by your partner is not codependency.....

    • @urachialaska2126
      @urachialaska2126 Před 23 dny +1

      @@TV-oc4ml humans envolved around being codependet, no couple can rise a children alone, there is no society made by a singular being...

    • @TV-oc4ml
      @TV-oc4ml Před 23 dny

      @@urachialaska2126 😂 clown! You can’t redefine codependency: characterized by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.

  • @curzy3
    @curzy3 Před 26 dny +69

    Toby Maguire, Orion Taraban, and Spider-Man are the same person.

  • @witchers-shadow
    @witchers-shadow Před 26 dny +18

    Writing on subject,
    cut the best part of yourself, project that on another person and then fall in love in that person...
    Doc...you rock 🖖

  • @num3willie
    @num3willie Před 26 dny +121

    Married women tend to be the most romantic but, as the good doctor explains, not with the person they've already found.

    • @nerdock4747
      @nerdock4747 Před 26 dny +12

      And that's a huge part of the human condition for the unsatisfied "want what they can't have".

    • @StephenPuddicombe1
      @StephenPuddicombe1 Před 26 dny +7

      Yeah, found myself to be a victim of one of those married romantics 🙄

    • @zombiemachinery4868
      @zombiemachinery4868 Před 26 dny +6

      Yep, been there and they do things for you that they have never done for anyone.

    • @christalone184
      @christalone184 Před 26 dny +3

      Then they are (following the logic of the video) the most dissatisfied ones

    • @TV-oc4ml
      @TV-oc4ml Před 26 dny

      @@StephenPuddicombe1that’s because you’re the loser who married her

  • @B4DWrath
    @B4DWrath Před 26 dny +115

    Compared to all this cutting, oppression, forgetting, game playing, etc. I prefer peace. No romance for me.

    • @szymonbaranowski8184
      @szymonbaranowski8184 Před 26 dny +5

      you are boring

    • @B4DWrath
      @B4DWrath Před 26 dny +30

      @@szymonbaranowski8184
      Thank you!

    • @suefleming
      @suefleming Před 26 dny +18

      Peace is very precious.

    • @zombiemachinery4868
      @zombiemachinery4868 Před 26 dny

      @@szymonbaranowski8184, and you are young and a fool.

    • @ChrisPTY507
      @ChrisPTY507 Před 26 dny +14

      Agreed. I do get this is the way a lot of humans interact, but I find this unnecessarily boring and convoluted.
      As we age, we realize that mental peace is of utmost importance, and this kind of silly games turns into a terrible way to use your time. I can understand how all this nonsense be entertaining to some people, I just find more pleasure in simplicity, which often comes tied with maturity on those who live by this mindset.

  • @MOCHI-ek6rc
    @MOCHI-ek6rc Před 26 dny +159

    A lot of Male romantics are in jail doing time for harassment, stalking and intimidation.
    If they run, let them go.

  • @hilld83
    @hilld83 Před 26 dny +33

    What you've said here aligns with my experience, and it was when I realized these rules of the game that I finally mustered the strength to quit playing and walk away. Once I saw behind the mask, I couldn't forget what I had seen. Now I see masks everywhere I go. I'm not saying that it's all doom & gloom, but rather that my discernment, understanding, & wisdom have grown.

  • @MiguelTrujillo1
    @MiguelTrujillo1 Před 26 dny +45

    Orion, I have been enjoying your videos for a long while now. As a person who has been reading self-help literature for many decades now (~30 years), I am convinced that you are some sort of genius. The variety of topics your explore, the originality of thought, the utility of your ideas, and your ability to explain never cease to amaze me.

  • @JohnSmith-bh8um
    @JohnSmith-bh8um Před 25 dny +13

    This is pretty much the whole "where are the good men?" Cult in a nutshell

    • @jopalolive
      @jopalolive Před 24 dny +1

      Needs a bit of exposition from your view, but gets my like cause you are on to something.

    • @heitor4144
      @heitor4144 Před 22 dny

      great insight

  • @seanelcock
    @seanelcock Před 25 dny +7

    Appreciate you sharing a couple videos without swearing recently

  • @adventurer2395
    @adventurer2395 Před 26 dny +21

    Good video, but I would have benefitted from more examples as to what we are disavowing in others, and how to actually make that process whole in ourselves. In other words, more specifics beyond the abstract idea.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +6

      It's a very bad video and I usually love all of his videos.

    • @heitor4144
      @heitor4144 Před 22 dny

      watch the meaning and fulfillment videos

  • @brandonmontgomery7461
    @brandonmontgomery7461 Před 25 dny +21

    Adds much needed context to the saying "my better half"

  • @yesbirsingh
    @yesbirsingh Před 18 dny +2

    It's falling in love with my projected best self onto significant other - all the while being blind to my own mechanisation in engineering the love.
    Thanks for the thoughtful talk and confusing the hell out of me.

  • @NilsMacQ
    @NilsMacQ Před 26 dny +5

    This is so huge, most people do this. I also think there’s a bit of laziness in looking for it in others instead of taking responsibility for it and building/creating it/connecting to it internally
    Listening to this again!

  • @jejo63660
    @jejo63660 Před 26 dny +12

    This is a great insight about the idea of romantics cutting a piece of themselves out and looking for it in others. However I don’t think the reason is that it is an exciting game, but rather because romantics were taught as children that they weren’t lovable as a whole person, and that they would need to find/win that missing part of themselves in their parents, who didn’t love them sufficiently.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +5

      Psycho-babble.
      People thrive with like-minded, like-wired, like-souled, like-yoked others. It's that simple.

    • @jejo63660
      @jejo63660 Před 26 dny +3

      @@roses6564 like it or not, like-minded, like-wired, like-souled, and like-yoked very often result from being like-parented.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny

      @@jejo63660 Yes. What's your point?

    • @jejo63660
      @jejo63660 Před 26 dny +4

      @@roses6564 My point is that the romantic idea that was talked about in this video, where a person represses a part of themselves in order to ‘look for’ it in others, comes from a failure of their upbringing where their parents taught them that something was missing within themselves. You said that was psychobabble and said that it was as simple as people who are like minded thrive together, which I took to mean that parenting means little, & like attracts like. So I responded by saying that people who are likeminded often are that way because they were raised similarly and have the same childhoods and childhood issues, because your response came off to me as saying parenting doesn’t matter much and I wanted to reiterate that parenting means a lot.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +2

      @@jejo63660 Everything matters in compatibility: genetics, psychological profile, environment, childhood experiences, including parenting. Ilk. Yoke. Cut. Plus life experiences. All this creates like-mindedness which is the basis of a potentially excellent relationship. Any differences become charming, loving complementarity instead of frustration and desire to change the other. That's symbiosis. Add chemistry - you got it
      That's all.
      But it's a tall order.

  • @bradleyhiphop
    @bradleyhiphop Před 26 dny +29

    Love this concept but a few examples would have really helped as I’m still not quite connected

    • @RockJohnson2000
      @RockJohnson2000 Před 26 dny +2

      Same here

    • @detroitvcw
      @detroitvcw Před 26 dny +2

      Im sure most that really wanted to grasp the point had to listen 2-4 times to contexualize the analogy to other concepts. It's harder to grasp for guys because they typically don't romanticize.

    • @Kuk0san
      @Kuk0san Před 26 dny +9

      I kept asking myself 'what is this guy on about' with this one. Honestly sounded to me like a description of a series of dysfunctional relationships and then trying to normalize it as some kind of cute game or fantasy.

    • @radoslavtoth391
      @radoslavtoth391 Před 26 dny +2

      guys watch the whole series on this topic, might help ;)

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +2

      It's one of his worst entries. Listen carefully to everything he said, then do the opposite.

  • @northerntao
    @northerntao Před 26 dny +6

    I needed this advice 40 years ago - I cauterized my need for romance years ago, more out of reaction to setting myself up for disappointment over and over, and less from understanding why. Loving this channel.

  • @oninotsume
    @oninotsume Před 25 dny +5

    Dorothy's journey in the Wizard of Oz, she ends with the same conclusion.

  • @georgecook5120
    @georgecook5120 Před 26 dny +11

    Uh...What?! I'm going to watch this again, maybe 3 times.

    • @fps_spicy
      @fps_spicy Před 26 dny +2

      worth it

    • @Xenozillex
      @Xenozillex Před 25 dny +5

      Romance is about a person who is unhappy or at least discontent with themselves and or life and they fulfill the void by giving it a pseudo purpose of chasing something they cant have.

    • @fps_spicy
      @fps_spicy Před 24 dny +1

      @@Xenozillex oh thanks for that

  • @WisdomIsPrecious
    @WisdomIsPrecious Před 26 dny +11

    Bravo, Dr. Tara van. You’ve done it once again I swear to God this man is trying to single-handedly break the matrix.

  • @skypickle29
    @skypickle29 Před 16 dny +1

    Real romance grows out of two people who enjoy doing stuff together - the shared challenge, the shared achievement, the shared problem solving. For example,, a date is more fun at a bar when there is a trivia contest.

  • @madness5693
    @madness5693 Před 26 dny +39

    Cupid's driveby 😆

    • @IfSemper
      @IfSemper Před 26 dny +1

      I know, I laughed out loud at that. : )

    • @godishere4
      @godishere4 Před 22 dny +1

      😂 Pow Pow

    • @IfSemper
      @IfSemper Před 22 dny +1

      @@godishere4 Shots fired! : )

  • @philaman1972
    @philaman1972 Před 15 dny +2

    Fascinating. Just be happy and if you are not, work on yourself.

  • @jonnyaesthetic
    @jonnyaesthetic Před 18 dny +1

    This is highly accurate. After endless hook-ups and sex based relationships I just stopped. After breaking up with my last girlfriend I decided to face every single one of my demons. 8 months of inner hell and outer turmoil I'm free. That NEED to have sex is gone lol. The NEED receive female validation? Gone.. I'm enjoying my own company, living purposefully, and returning to my favourite hobbies. The only real love one can experience is from within yourself.

  • @hilly5488
    @hilly5488 Před 26 dny +24

    This was very confusing, to be honest.

    • @calibre_au6183
      @calibre_au6183 Před 15 dny

      I found it deep too, just means you need to watch it twice.

    • @williambaldwin9346
      @williambaldwin9346 Před 14 dny +1

      Romantics enjoy the chase not the actual finish line of achieving a relationship.

    • @abde4645
      @abde4645 Před 9 dny

      Watch it again it actually makes so much sense

  • @GreenPasturesFinancl
    @GreenPasturesFinancl Před 22 dny +1

    Agreed, ppl need to cultivate and maintain their wholeness and achieve a self fulfilling life satisfaction.

  • @vdl3984
    @vdl3984 Před 26 dny +4

    This applies into way more than romantic relationships. Learned helplessness seems related to this process aswell. The thing is that it's actually horrifying to discover that these disavowed parts were actually there, since it forces you to confront your worst nightmares head on.

  • @luisnvb
    @luisnvb Před 23 dny +2

    This chanel is a treasure.

  • @LastEarBender
    @LastEarBender Před 26 dny +3

    This is exceedingly accurate in my opinion from my own personal experiences as well as that of close friends, whose relationships I know way too much about...

  • @oussefel3220
    @oussefel3220 Před 26 dny +6

    I believe in the automated tendencies of the human brain and psychology to heal and find solutions.. i think a romantic needs to be a romantic in that particular time … and then once he gathers enough mental energy.. he will automatically evolve to a less romantic and more realistic person with a clearer vision of what’s really going on .. understanding the game doesn’t mean playing it could be the best choice available at a particular time .. like a child who subconsciously choose to shut up and not face an abusing parent .. we always make the best possible choice and a fool who persists in his foolishness will become wise

  • @tochukwutc3727
    @tochukwutc3727 Před 20 dny +1

    This was deep...but it truly does make sense when you consider certain people tend to think they'll "feel complete" once they finally meet their one true love...a sentiment which stems from their "seeming inadequacy" which in itself was fallacious either propagated by themselves or those around them.

  • @alfredofloyd
    @alfredofloyd Před 20 dny +1

    You can be a romantic in a mature relationship. Learning how to be better at love, improve yourself, make the other person happy is romantic af.

  • @maks_st
    @maks_st Před 26 dny +1

    This is the best explanation of romanticism I have ever heard. So much is clear now (about my past)

  • @angellinahmogensen915
    @angellinahmogensen915 Před 17 dny +1

    My God, this is brilliant! 🤩 Mind-blowing insights 😲 My favorite video of yours so far 🙏

  • @erendiraperez9455
    @erendiraperez9455 Před 25 dny +1

    Im glad I found you. I’m tired of coaches telling you the opposite. I was very confused and doubting myself if was doing the right thing. My intuition said you’re right, but everything that I was watching a social media was making me crazy. Thank you!

  • @brianmaclaury9876
    @brianmaclaury9876 Před 26 dny +3

    This is profound, and I'm finally going to sign up to your GRE course. Thank you for helping me

  • @lander.96
    @lander.96 Před 26 dny +2

    Really good. Very on point. You only notice these things after a lot of experience out there. Thanks for sharing.

  • @nelsonduenas6214
    @nelsonduenas6214 Před 26 dny +1

    Another message that nailed it! Thank you Orion!

  • @JacobTJ1
    @JacobTJ1 Před 26 dny +3

    You are enough for yourself ❤

  • @jonkho
    @jonkho Před 26 dny +6

    Thanks!

  • @Ponytown00
    @Ponytown00 Před 26 dny

    Beautiful message today Doc, and right on time for my, and I'm sure many others' relational struggles. We are already whole

  • @mouadjbel5973
    @mouadjbel5973 Před 25 dny +1

    You still amaze me with each video, thank you doc.

  • @mgregory22
    @mgregory22 Před 26 dny +6

    What is beauty then? What are we hiding from ourselves when we project and perceive beauty on someone?

  • @user-qp1ys5de9t
    @user-qp1ys5de9t Před 23 dny +1

    I applaud you for summarizing such a deep topic so succinctly

  • @VictorCruzMX
    @VictorCruzMX Před 18 dny

    Thank you so much for your content, Orion. It's been so inspiring and soothing to hear and reflect on these concepts that have helped me heal through my own process of instrospection after a painful breakup.
    There is a poem by Mexican poet Joaquin Sabines called "Los Amorosos" or "The Lovers" that I believe is one of the most compelling expressions of, precisely, "romance being a game of hide and seek", and the never ending process of fulfilling what is already inside of us.
    What you said in this video reminded me of a passage in a book called "The Three Pillars of Zen" when a man is allowed to ask a Zen Master to write some maxims of high wisdom, to what the Master brushes the word: "Attention". The man gets outraged and says: "That's it? Will you not add something more!". The Master writes: "Attention, attention".
    Once again, Orion, much obliged!

  • @user-of2xc9ls8q
    @user-of2xc9ls8q Před 24 dny +2

    you should expand a lot on these: on how the disavowel happens, what means to be in bad faith with oneself regarding one's own character, how to prevent this internal scism, it would be very interesting and it would allow you to go back to "romantic advice" videos, which made this channel's fortune some months ago, don't you think?
    (I have to add that I really like when you talk about growth and personal enlightenment, but I also recognise that "romance" sells better)

  • @MM-pb8ik
    @MM-pb8ik Před 24 dny

    I wish I listened to this a long time ago. I’ve wasted so much time and effort in so many ways. I’m going to listen to this daily until I’m really absorbing it and acting on it. Thank you.

  • @PitbullofWallStreet
    @PitbullofWallStreet Před 26 dny +29

    Excellent analysis.
    Womin’s thirst for drama is a high one.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +2

      What men call "thirst for drama" women call "thirst for connection."
      Go marry a dude instead.

    • @mark9294
      @mark9294 Před 26 dny

      @@roses6564that’s actually solid advice, but the option that is even more guaranteed drama-free is to just not marry at all

    • @esyphillis101
      @esyphillis101 Před 26 dny

      @@roses6564then why do so many women only want what they can’t have? What does that say about their need to _connect_ ?

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +1

      @@mark9294 This is also true. Don't marry at all, yes. Just keep the fulfilling relationship that works and proves itself each and every day without the socially manipulative controls of marriage. If you get a chance for such a thing, that is.
      If not, alone is drama-free, unless you develop internal drama with yourself, from all the loneliness. It's not simple.
      Romanticism all the way, if that's a possibility. The ultimate luxury in life. Don't listen to Orion on this one. He's wrong here.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 25 dny

      @@esyphillis101 It's not that women "want what they can't have."
      It's that most women settled for someone they shouldn't have had (questionable match) but they did anyway bc they experience bio-social pressures and tight deadlines.
      Women are also more selective than men and care more about the substance of the relationship than men; so as long as monogamy is the norm, there will be many women who marry without being in love,aka settling. Yet women WANT a man they are in love with. It's the only way for them to look up to a man and admire him. Otherwise, the whole thing turns to nagging and subtle disrespect.

  • @suzanne5651
    @suzanne5651 Před 26 dny +2

    Romantics just like the IDEA of a relationship - rose-tinted specs and all that ... (I do like the insights!)

  • @mylolita
    @mylolita Před 12 dny +1

    I have a feeling Orion may never have actually be “in love” before.
    I love alternative view points and different opinions - this is very interesting, and good for thought - but I take serious relationship advice from long term, happily married couples, and people who have lived and loved and stayed in love!
    This isn’t a bash Orion - but sometimes the critiques are too clinical to encompass the true depth of human emotion, spirit, and yes; romantic love!

  • @LittleMew133
    @LittleMew133 Před 26 dny +11

    I don't get it.

  • @aaaaaaaapins1578
    @aaaaaaaapins1578 Před 24 dny +1

    This is nervewreakingly insightful

  • @zoeglover8323
    @zoeglover8323 Před 25 dny

    Great information. Thankyou 💛 life can be better with a loving companion to share experiences with but this is a rare outcome of romance, and your explanation of why is so interesting. I'm going to listen again!

  • @Mattice.Venken
    @Mattice.Venken Před 25 dny

    Hello Orion, been enjoying your content for over a year. Your comments at 5:28 about difficulties with "falling in love" when being satisfied with your current trajectory resonated with me. Would love it if you did a video on how people should approach this! Kind regards

  • @mariolamalasinski1819
    @mariolamalasinski1819 Před 23 dny +1

    What a great way to connect these ideas! A slightly new way of seeing - what a thrill ☺. Love this. Makes sense.

  • @maritamaltezaki8588
    @maritamaltezaki8588 Před 25 dny +1

    I enjoy so much listening to your videos! You have made me realise so many things about human psychology and behaviour!❤

  • @dog_lover1888
    @dog_lover1888 Před 26 dny +7

    Is this referring to dysfunctional romantic relationships, or healthy ones too? This does not seem to fit my own experience. Unless I’m missing something major and/or in major denial.
    The man I’m in love with is also in love with me, there are no great barriers between us, he wants what I’m happy to give and vice versa, and we found each other and fell in love when we were both in great places in our lives (good friends, family, meaningful work, health, travel, etc.)
    Being together is always better than being apart, but I don’t feel broken or less of a whole person when we aren’t. I know we’ll be together again soon, and the parts of myself I give and share with my love I know are still within me too. Like more of a copy & paste than cut maybe.
    Also, I think there’s plenty of seeking and adventure in what more we can unlock and give to ourselves and each other as life goes on. Just my 2 cents.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 25 dny +6

      You are the living proof of what Romanticism can achieve when it does not face social obstacles. You got lucky, this is wonderful.
      The detractors of Romanticism are "sour grape" types who must rationalize and justify why most people's relationships are varying degrees of sucky and why this is OK bc it's not like "grass is greener." Sure it is.
      In a romantic couple's yard, grass absolutely is greener.

    • @dog_lover1888
      @dog_lover1888 Před 25 dny +4

      @@roses6564 I think you’re right, and grass is green where you water it. Thank you so much for the kind reply ❤️

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 25 dny +5

      @@dog_lover1888 I rejoice when I hear about couples who are in love. It's the best bet in relationships. This is Romanticism - what everyone should aspire to. Pride and Prejudice type stuff.
      Now, onto your conclusion. It is not exactly what I meant. When it comes to relationships, the "grass-is-greener" argument is ridiculous.
      No one - EVER! - who is in love with their person would even consider discussing grass. They have no eyes or time for that since they are too much into their person. Who cares about other people's grass? Only those in unsatisfying relationships start talking grass.
      Here's a not-so-dirty little secret: your grass is greener because you installed high-quality grass to begin with. Always examine the tropes. The herd parrots them.
      Your consistent watering is a natural consequence of having found beautiful grass to begin with.
      You started out being in love, you both got it right. You begin with quality grass, then the incentive to water it and maintain your lovely lawn is naturally there.
      Start out with bad grass, in the wrong location, and you can water it all you want, it won't take root, it will dry, etc.
      Then you have to keep lying to yourself that it just takes even more water. Then you get root rot. Or in the end, you tell yourself that brown grass is normal (marriage takes "hard work") or that the neighbor's green grass is just an illusion. Eventually you just give up watering and let it go to weeds.
      This is how humans delude themselves.
      Best of wishes to you and your love.

    • @dog_lover1888
      @dog_lover1888 Před 25 dny +2

      @@roses6564 That’s very true! Started with amazing grass haha. Good points. Thanks :)

    • @yzma6142
      @yzma6142 Před 22 dny

      When you say you’ll be together again soon, do you mean he has passed? Or there’s distance between you?

  • @ChosenofDarkness8
    @ChosenofDarkness8 Před 18 dny +2

    "People simply aren't the innocent victims of Cupid's drive-by" Wow!

  • @likearollingstone007
    @likearollingstone007 Před 26 dny +10

    Hence Co-dependency

  • @perpetualogan-eb8jo
    @perpetualogan-eb8jo Před 26 dny

    Your channel is getting better and better.....congratulations 🎉

  • @ErikLeed
    @ErikLeed Před 26 dny +3

    Much appreciated content! Love yourself first!!

  • @btwthblood
    @btwthblood Před 26 dny +3

    YES!!!! This almost tied my brain in knots! My husband of 38 years passed unexpectedly last year. I have been seeking.....I want to be coupled. This is very complicated at 60. I've met someone whom I enjoy very much. We will see......

    • @cheekymonkeygirl3378
      @cheekymonkeygirl3378 Před 23 dny

      You are way past your prime! 🥱🥱

    • @VolleKwark
      @VolleKwark Před 22 dny +1

      @@cheekymonkeygirl3378She has wisdom which attracts the good men. Hence why she had one who unfortanetely passed away. Based on your comment you’ll probably be tossed around up until late after your ‘prime’.

  • @JosephERICFisk
    @JosephERICFisk Před 26 dny +39

    ROMANCE is best left for the Chick-Lit novels. Romance will only earn you a Trespass Warning, CEASE & DESIST letter from a law firm, and possible lawsuit which you will have to pay the attorney's fees. ❤

  • @musiceffects7566
    @musiceffects7566 Před 25 dny

    Brilliant. Another great video. Keep up the great work. 👍

  • @cloutiec
    @cloutiec Před 26 dny

    Such a wonderful but challenging teaching.

  • @btwthblood
    @btwthblood Před 26 dny +1

    Can't wait to read your book!

  • @ALForb
    @ALForb Před 26 dny +3

    Well put!

  • @williepatino2832
    @williepatino2832 Před 26 dny +7

    Tate was right, women love mystery. So keep parts of you mysterious so they have someting to seek for

    • @szymonbaranowski8184
      @szymonbaranowski8184 Před 26 dny +5

      it's not enough, what you bring out needs to be also attractive and interesting

    • @cosmictreason2242
      @cosmictreason2242 Před 26 dny +2

      "Lack of Communication is Key" by Doug Wilson is better than what tate toldv you, examine it for comparison

    • @williepatino2832
      @williepatino2832 Před 26 dny +4

      @cosmictreason2242 I'm sure there is much better ways to articulate the message, but tate is good at summarizing and simplifying things I will say. Will check that out

    • @AUSTIN-ss2zd
      @AUSTIN-ss2zd Před 25 dny

      ​@@williepatino2832Yes Tate was programmed at Tavistock.

    • @Xenozillex
      @Xenozillex Před 25 dny

      That's not really the main point of Orion in this video but yes.

  • @mmmddd4366
    @mmmddd4366 Před 25 dny +3

    To abstract for me to comprehend.
    Or I don't comprehend romance in general

  • @jaimelabac
    @jaimelabac Před 7 dny

    This fits my experience. I project these disavowed parts of myself onto another and fall in love with the other. Funny how projection works both for positive and negative traits (but in both cases, traits we can't accept for some reason). Thanks for your video.

  • @henrysteadman963
    @henrysteadman963 Před 20 dny

    Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it, what is wrong is to seek it outside of yourself when it is inside - Romana Marharishi 🙌

  • @Walk.-
    @Walk.- Před 25 dny

    So true and this is something i truly struggling with being a hopeless romantic. Going from one relationship to the next looking for this perfect love.

  • @longliveknowledge9588
    @longliveknowledge9588 Před 26 dny +10

    This guy is a genius! Keep the content coming!

  • @kundalinikid1844
    @kundalinikid1844 Před 25 dny +1

    This has inspired me, thank you 🙏

  • @druidactual
    @druidactual Před 26 dny +4

    Great video. I don't fully resonate with your idea of love & falling in love, however. Something in this feels off

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 25 dny +2

      It's a bad video, typical superficial, whimsical disparagement of Romanticism, which is the basis of any lifelong fulfilling relationship (body-mind-soul connection).
      If practicality in relationships was the answer, this world would be full of lifelong happy marriages. FACT: it isn't. 50% divorce rate, 20-30% estimated intact but expired marriages. So whatever happened to "love is a choice?" Did all these people not...make a choice?
      Sure they did. Except love is not a choice.

  • @GENERALMGR
    @GENERALMGR Před 25 dny +1

    Romantic at heart = the embodiment of self-contained mythic love that can never break the barrier of fantasy.

  • @shoncurtis767
    @shoncurtis767 Před 25 dny +2

    Sometimes, due to metaphors ect, I understand you completely. Sometimes I haven't a clue as to what u just said to me. Perhaps u say what u gonna say then paraphrase it in common layman terms please and thank u love the channel

  • @user-px5bs6qi5s
    @user-px5bs6qi5s Před 19 dny

    How does he lay it out so well....so satisfying....thanks Dr

  • @atastefortheroad4475
    @atastefortheroad4475 Před 26 dny +1

    Life works from the inside out and everyone is whole and complete. Rupert Spira has an excellent book on the topic - "You Are the Happiness you Seek".

  • @vicentealencar9132
    @vicentealencar9132 Před 22 dny

    This fits my experience. Thank you for this explanation!

  • @rayrwyr
    @rayrwyr Před 25 dny +1

    Falling in love has "falling" involved. Such fallen souls are to be pitied and rescued.

  • @angaroruso
    @angaroruso Před 26 dny +3

    Minute 5:05 perfect soundtrack for a plot twist XD love it!

  • @GoOutside321
    @GoOutside321 Před 25 dny

    I absolutely agree, you have hit the target 🎯

  • @rome8726
    @rome8726 Před 26 dny

    Very interesting. I will have to watch that video again to really internalize what it feels to be a romantics.

  • @stephanie7572
    @stephanie7572 Před 26 dny +3

    Others here have said this, but your talks would be clearer with examples. "Joe didn't consider himself an intellectual, he was smart but had to drop out of college to get a job to help out his family. Tiffany has a master's degree in biology and is thinking about medical school. Joe is wondering if Tiffany is too far "above" him brain-wise to make a relationship work, but he is very attracted to her..." Joe doesn't realize he is already "whole" brain-wise, and if he goes back to college he is well able to get a master's degree and doesn't need validation from (a romance with) Tiffany to feel he is smart.

    • @roses6564
      @roses6564 Před 26 dny +2

      Duh. If he actually is as smart or smarter than Tiffany, they will know instinctively. Degrees are horrible measures of actual intelligence.

    • @fps_spicy
      @fps_spicy Před 26 dny +4

      OH MY GOD THANKS SO MUCH
      this makes so much more sense now THANKS!!!!!!!!!

  • @chaoshunter358
    @chaoshunter358 Před 25 dny

    Wow. I am laughing and crying. This hits home brother ❤

  • @user-rj4xl5bl2s
    @user-rj4xl5bl2s Před 26 dny +4

    I wrote 2 personals ads in my single life. They both said,’knowledge of cars is a plus,’ because both times I needed my car worked on. I also came out of being single and sought out my current husband when the transmission line fell off my car after I drove it up a snow pile. I am not a ROMANTIC when I’m single😭. Thanks a lot Dr. Orion.🧐

  • @Cre8Fire34
    @Cre8Fire34 Před 26 dny

    This is brilliant and layers deep. Wow.
    I'm guilty of these crimes.

  • @danielclee1
    @danielclee1 Před 26 dny

    Something rang a bell here... this was brilliant.

  • @jorgemtorres7132
    @jorgemtorres7132 Před 24 dny

    You always blow my mind
    Thank you!

  • @goofywill90
    @goofywill90 Před 26 dny +2

    Hide and seek analogy is more relevant now more than ever