Parents Were Released From Prison and I Want to Cut Ties
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Parents Were Released From Prison and I Want to Cut Ties
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"Stop trying to buy donuts from a hardware store." I don't take credit for this quote but it helped me cut ties with my emotionally absent mother.
Cut ties with my dad finally
This guy is me. Only I’m an old, old woman now. Don’t spend your whole life trying. There’s nothing in them to give. In the end, you’re empty handed and still taking the blame.
Agreed
“It’s like they have the back door codes to me.”
“No, you’ve kept a back door open.”
Such wisdom!!
This is the part that also hit me (so unexpectedly!) right in my chest...
Growing up, my mother was beautiful (former model) and always the picture perfect church parent.....at least from the outside looking in. In reality, she scapegoated me so mercilessly (while my Dad and younger sister, their Golden child, hardcore gaslit and enabled) that the crazy-making drove me to put a loaded gun to my head. Thankfully, my Dad just happened to walk into the room as I lifted up the gun and tackled me to the ground to get it away from me. I'll never forget how coldly and unfeelingly my mother just leaned up against the door with her arms crossed, just looking down on me with an empty expression and watching as I BEGGED my Dad to please just let me end my life. This memory became the final clincher, during a counseling session years later, that made the truth finally click in my head and heart - just like this caller, Eli's parents, they aren't what I need them to be as my parents. And the lack of empathy is a cold reality that I, like many others, MUST face.
I pray for my parents when the heaviness of the truth resettles into my mind every so often. I have forgiven them, with the Lord's help, as much as I know how to, but it's still hard, so I really feel for poor Eli. What a testament, though, that he has such a soft heart towards his own wife and children - and what a blessing he is to them and the generations to come for breaking the harmful cycle. What a MAN! 👌
Great advice for setting boundaries!
Never feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of your life, even if they're your parents.
Always so impressed with people who turn out better than they're dysfunctional upbringing. So amazing
That Eli won't continue the cycle of abuse with his kids is such a testament to what a strong, beautiful person, husband and father he is. My heart breaks that he still wants a relationship with his parents even though they're dangerous and toxic people. 😥
I've cut ties with my extremely dysfunctional parents & older sister, about 12+ years ago. They've never met my kids and don't know anything about me and my family (unless someone tells them. I live in another state and only have contact with an aunt and uncle that are very supportive of me and my family. My hurtful parents & sister don't have access to my life to mess it up.
I feel your post SO MUCH.
You are really brave.
Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're away from all that mess.
I did the same. I feel at peace.
Getting my toxic parents out of my life was the best thing I've ever done. I'm thriving now!
I disagree about not ghosting. It's the best option in this senerio. They don't deserve to hear another word from him.
I moved 1400 miles away from my parents and largely cut ties. A friend said that he saw me crazy and broken after every phone call. Everyone around me could see it but I kept hoping. I was wrong.
Shocking how well this man is such a good person in spite of his horrible “Parents”. Very tragic. These narcissistic “parents” continue to prey upon the Children they have not yet killed.
John’s level of empathy is unmatched. Sheesh, I love this guy ❤️🙏🏾💯
He seems like a solid kind of guy.
I cut my toxic father out of my life when I was 18 and it was the absolute best decision I made. I value my mental/emotional health above having relationships with toxic people. He has never met my children and I plan on keeping It that way. Why would you want these horrible people in your childrens life? Let them go,heal and move on.
This was heart wrenching! I pray that Eli can just shove this into the dust bin of history and move on with his amazing wife, children and friends that truly love him!
Eli sounds like a great father the way he speaks about his family. Dr. Delony gives amazing advice. If I had a counselor it would have to be someone like him.
Thanks Eli for having the guts to call about this. I’ve been trying to build up enough guts to call and discuss this as we have similar parents. And thanks Dr. John. So so much.
I hope this has you on a healing path.
I reunited with my father towards the end of his life and it was a successful reunion and lots of healing was accomplished on both sides. But I never absolved him of being a lousy parent. I didn't beat him up about it either. I tried to keep our relationship in the present. He wanted absolution, but what was done was done. And I don't think he ever understood the damage he really did to his children and he was never going to get it. He was clueless and was never going to accept responsibility for what happened. So I just let it be as long as we were kind to each other in the present.
Good for you. You are what is known as an adult, instead of perpetuating being a victim of your childhood upbringing. Cheers!
These parents killed his adoptive brother, probably a little bit different.
Good Luck, Ely! You are on your way to happily ever after with your wife and children. Enjoy the beautiful,, healthy, harmonious future that you have earned a right to live, totally guilt free. 💪🙌💖
We had shut out the parents from our life. and turned out we had to start going down the family tree because when grandma and grandpa were no longer allowed access to our family they would go through aunts uncles and family friends to get to kids and my wife. You don’t have to except abuse from anyone especially family and especially once you are out from there care.
This really helped me while I think about my parents. I think of my parents as a little brother who gets into trouble and a little sister that’s manipulative.
Edit: I had a bunch more written, but I don’t wanna share too much. This helped me. Thanks John and Eli!
i can relate. i finally decided my mother burned her mom card for the final time around 1998. so i moved 200 miles away and ceased contact. i haven't spoken to her or her idiot husband since. now we're the only 2 of my original family still alive, and i still don't care.
This was so sad to listen to. It's really upsetting to hear child want connection with parents. Surely, this should be given. I hope he heals and accept he unfortunately have parents who care only for themselves.
It's OK man...just let them go. Sounds like your brothers have moved on work on connecting with them. Just let them know you understand where they were coming from and you now see the light.
Feel for this guy...seems like a great son but he got horrible parents. Focus 100% on those kids give them all your parents didnt give you in love and attention. I'd move on they sound pretty horrible people that wont bring much to you and family. If they change for the better and reach out then sure that's different.
This was sooooo good!😭 I hope this gave Eli some healing and closure.
Hi Zoraida. 😍 cute picture!
8:54
The emotion and the determination behind that “no” moved me to tears. Good job, man. Proud of you and rooting for you.
Lord be with Eli, his wife, and their children ❤️ and Lord be with Delony. What a beautifully difficult conversation.
This guy, my heart breaks for him hearing him speak.
Ely sounds absolutely precious. God Bless you Ely
This person is so sincere. However, his parents have given him a guilt trip. Also, can you forgive and not keep that relation? I think this person is having that problem working this out. There is the dilemma of forgiving them and also not allowing toxic people to control you. Thank you for your council to this great man.
Been there done that. If you love them enough. It’s there in ability to be parents. Everyone does not play by the same rules in life. Young man You just keep being that great man in the life of your wife and kids
I understand that this guy wishes his parents could be different where they could be in his life, but they aren't going to change. They are who they are and he is much better and safer with them out of his life. Not to mention, it would be toxic for his kids to be around them. I love how John handled this call. I think ELi will be ok once he stops feeling guilty for 2 pathetic parents that failed him and his siblings.
I teared up a couple times. I’m no expert but this seemed like it was very helpful,
Bro, we all out here cryin 😭 hugs to u.
stay direct with them and you wife and kids are your number 1.
I shut out my mum this January from my life. It has been a blessing after 48 years of pain and disconnection. Manipulation and cognitive dissonance.
Done. Over. Finished.
Thanks Dr. John! After decades I cut contact with my Mom. To this man give that energy to your wife, kids and siblings!
Eli thank you for sharing your story! We are all so proud of you!
That was rough. Eli has turned out to be an incredible man, despite the crape of his household. One can just feel it. Dr. John, I appreciate that you just lay it out. It's hard for him to hear that it won't get any better, but it's probably 99% chance they won't. It was HIS birthday, but they had to make it about them! Thank you for the educated advice on boundaries, and thank you more for the absolute empathy and support.
I need to give my parents a hug. I love them so much after hearing this call.
I just wish everyone had someone like you to talk to. This guy needed to here the truth.
Dang the caller pain in his voice make me tears up….I didn’t grow up with the “appropriate” parents neither so I feel for him. John is right….you can’t change them, but you can take that as a lesson and learn how to be a good parent for your kids.
My mom constantly explains my brothers behavior away. I tell her like it is. She is finally seeing him for what he is. A 38 year old boy mooching off her living in her home . We finally got her moving out and a cousing moving in that house. He will become responsible or.. move out ; )
This is sad for this guy . Hes a good guy. It's hard to want love from someone who don't have it for you. This man has Jesus . That's why he is not strung out and a terrible dad like his mom and dad. Who sound like narcisist to me. God bless
You should be glad they have never met your kids.
Keep your children safe.
Dr D you gave such amazing advice, support, and encouragement. Kudos
This one made me cry like no other calll
Best thing Eli can do is keep his children away from his parents.
I understand ghosting. It's really upsetting.
God love you, Ely
Why the h*ll would you want your parents to have a relationship with your precious children when they neglected your brother and ultimately caused his death? I'm very sorry you got such dysfunctional parents but stop the cycle and protect your little ones.
Dr. D rhyming “Albany” with “Al Bundy” 🤣
It’s pronounced “All-bany” 😬
This one broke my heart.
parents are toxic... he needs to disconnect he needs to break it off with them now and permanently no contact just forget about them. Continue to pray for them and leave it at that . Leave them to God.
I'm not trying to be funny but why on Earth would you want your parents to have access to your kids if they killed your brother? They should still be in jail.
My heart breaks for this guy
Such a shame his parents made him, the brothers and the brother they neglected and murdered. They should be better parents.
I wanna know what's in the letters😒
Eli.
You can't unscramble eggs..........
♥️ is in my throat
Your parents abused you emotionally and physically. Your parents are not trustworthy around children. You must sever ties with your narcissistic parents. You now have a duty to protect your own children! Do NOT allow your parents into your family's life. You can forgive your parents by the grace of God. Forgiveness does not mean you must have a relationship with them! Move forward with your life. Your dream of a happy family with grandparents will never come true. Furthermore, if you fail to protect your own children, knowing your parents are convicted child abusers then you will end up in jail too. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Please go and get help. Your wife is 💯% correct.
FORGIVENESS AND REDEMPTION...THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT 🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤
Yikes
This guy is 41? And is considering exposing his kids to his jailbird parents? Call dcfs. The only thing that matters are his kids right now, not his feelings. For fux sake
I know the world has told you this, but it just simply isnt true. The kids are not always the most important thing in your life. He needs to heal just as much, or more, than his kids need to stay away from his parents etc.
@@andyg806 don't agree. He had a rough childhood due to his parents. He has a chance to give his kids the life he never had. And I know how tough it is to have awful parents. My parents beat me and neglected me my whole life. Just because some piece of trash gets knocked up doesn't mean the offspring have to draw their feelings of worth or love from these parents. THAT is the big lie.
@E I can! I can express the hole that exists! It's called anger! My mom beat me bloody all my life! I get satisfaction knowing that I am the only one successful enough to help her in her old age, and don't. Don't talk to her, don't want anything to do with her. She suffers because of her actions. That's life. Actions have consequences.
I agree. He knows his parents basically killed his brother. He would be a horrible father to allow them near his kids. Oy
sell some pizzas
14th comment
Sorry that your acting and creative writing didn't come to fruition. Nice prank call.
You alright mate?
@@SpeedfreakUK You clueless mate?
I don’t understand this comment at all. Are you saying this guy was a liar? I don’t understand.
@@JustinCase780 are you his dad?
@@JustinCase780 he's trolling. 😢