The Shocking Reason Why So Many Women Today Are Single
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- čas přidán 14. 06. 2024
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This week on the podcast Hafeez is joined by Lori Gottlieb to discuss the shocking reason why so many women today are single. Be sure to check out and share the full episode via the link below.
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What is her name and what is the name of her book?
@The Esquire of Sports® thank you!
Not shocking, it is not shocking at all. In fact it is blatantly obvious.
Get Shay Rowbottom on the channel!!! She is business oriented and seems to have a good mindset
The Bible prophecy is coming true. Just read the book of Daniel and Ezekiel. It predicts all of this! Marriage is not necessary in most westernized or advanced cities. Just visit Singapore, Denmark, Norway, France, USA all democratic advanced countries with women earning high income. the divorce rate is shrinking because the marriage rate is at all time lows.! Men are waking up to see all the bullshit!. Most men are invisible to women! And Most men will REMAIN INVISIBLE! The tipping point occurs when the world goes into all out world war 3. The only reason for men and women to take care of one another is in times of real war!. Battles death being waged on streets. Soldiers coming home with severe wounds. The women will be there to sew up their wounds. Because if these women don't keep the men alive, the enemy will rape and or take them as slaves. Society is relatively peaceful today and technology is so advanced WOMEN can have all their needs met without a man in these top tier first world countries! Notice marriage and family is more prevalent in the poorest and most war torn towns. This is due in part to necessity.
Both men and women need to stop focusing on someone that ‘makes them happy’ but someone they ‘can be happy with’. Trying to find happiness externally is a recipe for perpetually unhappiness.
well said, andrew
That and realize happiness is fleeting, if you’re not happy at a certain part in your relationship that doesn’t mean leave. Relationship is work you’re not always gonna be happy.
Well the 3 things that guys usually go for are not really based on happiness. Guys still have issues but for this type of problem, Its women. Men follow women when it comes to relationship trends. But if you don't take accountability for anything then you don't grow. Women get to escape accountability so then they nvr learn. Like she said if you keep running into the same problem with different people. Then its YOU thats the problem
@@x6da9crain To add to that, I find that in our society it's hard for people to really find the answers as to why things aren't working out in romantic endeavors, even if they are taking accountability. therapy in the united states is very expensive and most young people don't have good health insurance, and when I consider my group of friends, every one of them would either give given a nice but dishonest answer, or a vastly different answer based on their own jaded or skewed personal viewpoint
Written like a post wall woman ready to settle down…70% of men are happy in marriage…until 70% of women file for divorce so your “both” statement doesn’t really hold much water
Just a note: it's the ladies that have thousands of potential options in their dating apps. Most mens apps look like The Walking Dead auditions lol dead 💀😂
I have a rule, everyone has 24 hours to respond to my message. If not I unmatch, all the guys who don't unmatch are allowing themselves to be treated like Human Pokémon cards. I keep my list around 4-10 matches, no more.
If you are a guy and a girl keeps you waiting more than 24 hours, UNFUCKING MATCH, men who are simps are making all these girls have an OVER INFLATED EGO..
Tinder needs to make a cap on matches at least 15 MAX no more, yet MEN(the majority of customers) aren't demanding this from Tinder service.
@@noahidewarrior5838 i guess you want to stay single then if your still using tinder
Honestly its not just looks wise. I understand certain people are bad texters but my god. I cannot have a convo with a girl who says "lol", "oh" and "ok" repeatedly. If you don't sound interested or at least can't start a convo, goodbye lol.
I'm thinking avoid all app people....they're just window shopping.
@@dillonc7955 they are probably mad they can't get on a rich guys boat... many girls will put themselves in danger just to get on a boat.
Expecting only perfect, flawless men in an age of broken marriages, broken families, godlessness, and moral decay is like expecting a horse to lay chicken eggs or expecting a cherry tree to give you oranges.
you should be nominated for best comment of the month
The west had messed up so bad to the point of no-return.Learn from Indians
Facts👍
@@steavlin0176 The only thing we can learn from
Indians is to not breed the population into billions with high poverty rates lols
Now you know why most men say most women are delusional.
Ladies, just take care of yourselves and be a kind person. It’s literally that simple.
Bro its LITERALLY that simple.
@@jns08d most women who like a man are kind. Who are you guys dating lol ?
@@MissShey89 Maammmmm don't get me started But I will agree with you in that the "take care of yourselves" part is where most women fail (imo). But I have also been ghosted on dates, blocked, cursed out cause I wanted to split the check, and straight up lied to visually, so yeaaa its super tough out here these days lol
@@MissShey89 lmao
@@jns08d are there any women who aren't bitches?
This makes me see why arranged marriage was a thing for so long.
I got 10 goats ready to trade 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐
@@Striker50_ I got 20 cows, what’s up?
@@yourfriendlyneighbourhoodvue I up you 40 Schillings good sir 🪙🪙
@@Striker50_ Bride price / dowry is different from arranged marriage.
@@edheldude how? If a father is selling his daughter for a dowry, that's an ARRANGEMENT.
What do you look in a partner?
Men: "3 things."
Women: "300 things."
Men: "I'm wasting my time."
Yegods.. I had a couple of dates pre-COVID 19 - each one, one-and-done. Maybe I should buy her book, draft a 300-item checklist, and the next time I don't get a second date - send the checklist and request it be filled out..
Especially when the first couple of things for women are "He must be over 6 ft tall", "He must make over $200,000 a year" and "He must pay for every date" 98% of men are out.
I am a man I guess because I look for maybe 3 to 6 important things in a partner...
1). Share the same morals and ideals.
2). physical Attraction
3). Kind.
4). Loyal.
5). Has to share some of the same hobbies and interests as me.
6) Want to get married, but more stay married and have kids.
Dating modern women is like cleaning up after a party you weren't invited to. Total waste of time considering women treat men like this season's new outfit.
You are right.
When I first started dating my now husband, a couple of my single friends made me feel like I was settling because he didn’t make a lot of money or have a prestigious job… and they made me feel like I should hold out and find somebody “better”. But he was good to me, he was consistent, it was healthy, and made me happy.
I do think it’s a personality trait that some people have to constantly be unsatisfied and always looking for something better. And I do think that some women get bored when a man is healthy and stable because the thrill of uncertainty is gone
The thrill of uncertainty generally leads to the reality of failure
It sounds like you trust yourself and that trust has been rewarded. I like to hear positive input from women such as yourself because often men's discussions online about women and dating can become bitter and overly negative but this is as much of a mistake when men do it as it is when women criticize or belittle men. It's not two human races but one and to forget that or become too alienated from the other sex cuts us off from a part of our own humanity.
@@brianbowers7192 couldn’t agree more!
@@brianbowers7192 bitter is the wrong word. It's cynical.
I've seen women get bitter. Men deal with those enotions quicker but they become more cynical as a result.
Man we got a man honest woman here!
The more options you have, the harder it is to make a decision!! Psychology 101! Dating apps made it so easy to find another person, people are now disposable!!
you ever been hanging out with a woman and asked her what she wants for dinner? girls can't decide what they want for dinner, how they gonna decide what man to date? lmao
Paradox of choice
I heard about this but too few options the paradox that many men have ro deal with and end up single.
@@quill6408 never ask a woman what she wants, always demand that you want what you want and she is participating
@@quill6408 and then there are are the extreme picky lunatics lol
A lot of women don’t want a slow burn relationship with men where you have to put in time, attention, and energy to get to know someone genuinely. Most want the fireworks and high highs early or “he’s not it” the difference is like a candle vs a firework. The candle is stable, boring and consistent. The firework is flashy, explosive and exciting. The problem is not making the connection that fireworks are short term and candles are long term so instead you have a bunch of women out here looking for long term fireworks and won’t settle until they find one. A viscous cycle of excitement and disappointment until she gets older and realizes (hopefully) her mistakes and tries to change... most times it being too late.
Very well said!
You wouldn't want a slow burning relationship either if a 100 different women would be messaging you every month... Basic law of supply and demand. Women are more in demand than guys (when it comes to ages 15-30) on average. That's why they are getting more offers and a higher supply of resources. You are telling them to give all that up and invest her most powerful years in the game into a 'slow burning relationship' with some average dude... Would you want to invest into a 'slow burning relationship' girls would be giving you free attention, time, money and sex just for existing and being half-way decent looking? Of course you wouldn't rush tie yourself into one person unless you still believe in the myth of the unicorn.
'Candles are long term'... Yeah, ok. Go tell that to the boomers that their laughable divorce rates... And those were kicking way before the internet too. People were never designed to be in monogamous relationships. After the initial honeymoon and magic dust fades, then it's mostly another 'part-time' job where you have duty and obligations to fulfill (especially if you have kids) while you have less time, desire and energy to do anything fun. You're basically trading freedom/fun for stability/security. That's the basic fundamental premise of a long term relationship. And that's not what most people want, they do it out of scarcity and evolutionary necessity to procreate.
Roommates, you don't have to thank me for sharing this. You're welcome.
You just nailed my last 3 relationships. I dated women that posed as "wanting a good man" types but when we weren't on vacation, at a hookah lounge, or not clubbing not only were they boring af at home or just not good to talk to, they also became very demanding like children. Just being in another room by themselves was like pulling teeth.
@@advancedapathy1531 You're projecting. You have zero clue what I, or any man would do. You don't know our personal goals or what we value as men. Your views on relationships are selfish and hendonistic. Sacrificng "freedom/fun" for stability and security for your family isn't based off scarcity or an evolutionary need. It's understanding not everything is about YOU and what YOU want.
Great insight and comment! Thank you
"You can't really treat human beings like a shopping experiment." For some reason, people have to be told this every generation.
Smoll hats
Social media destroyed the dating game
💯. Sadly we're not not going back
@Russian bot social media enabled them
no, we humans did, social media was an enabler.
@@onceuponarevenant9409 Humans created social media and social media destroyed the dating game. My statement still applies.!
@@SLamarHarry I don't think I ever disagree with your statement when I said "no". If anything I wanted to rephrase it, so your point is 100% remain true.
I love that Rick and Morty episode where Jerry develops a dating app with that alien, and everyone's hopping from one hook up to the next convincing themselves it's true love. It was just so accurate and spot on
freaking awesome episode👌😂
Is that the same one where Jerry is floating around and gets hitched to an airplane?
@@benderpwns5745 no I think that was a Christmas episode because it started off with him putting up lights on the house.
Something like Lovefinderr
Loveee Rick and Morty! So many funny and insightful commentaries. Lol
She's basically saying that women in current digital age feel that they have unlimited options, which is magnified by women's hypergamy [aka full time looking for the best male available].
And there it is
even further than all that, decisiveness isn't a trait inherent to women. ever been hanging with a girl, and you ask her what she wants to eat? same thing when it comes to men LMAO
@@quill6408 what do you mean same thing when it comes to men? Are you saying men don't know where to eat. Or girls don't know how to pick men
@@cireniogonzalez429 He's saying Girls don't know which man to pick because they've got to much options and can't pick decide
@@Royal_Blue I'm saying that indecisiveness is a trait commonly associated with women
Fathers....we need more fathers.
You can't have fathers in a legal court system that punishes fatherhhood.
@@adriannova this is true. It’s despicable how anti father the family court system is.
@@adriannova Or in a culture where would-be wives/mothers put themselves first and see the father as both disposable and oppressive.
Most of the old -school hard nosed guys are retired or dead or cancelled.
@@jimh472 i guess it has to do with how competitive male species are, men who are on high power like rulers or presidents create a system where other fellow men cannot retaliate otherwise there are consequences since they cannot control them or brainwash them unlike children and female making the former seen as evil creatures, we are simply cornered against the wall.
5/10 Male: I want a normal looking girl that I can chill with 2-3 times a week
5/10 Female: He needs to be 6'3+ feet tall, make 300K a year and walks on 3 legs.
Good luck with that
😂
Hahaa walk on 3 legs!
Very true. Haha
3 legs CCR 😆🤣😂
@@FC-ku4ez Unfortunately as sex became de-valued so did relationships...
Stop looking for a mate in this Babylonian society and focus on yourself.
I dont even think that true babylonians would like to live through this mess we call society.
This is why you stay off dating apps and go outside, there’s good women out there, Starbucks, libraries, local restaurants , concerts, art shows, you gotta put yourself where these quality women are
Agreed, they're not necessarily on an app.
This is 100% true. Most of the women who want a serious relationship or are only looking to hang out with one man are not on social media apps getting attention.
Lol definitely true!
Figure out how you want to live your life.
Go and live that life.
While you are doing that you will find women/men who are living the same kind of life.
Marriage is two people living their lives together.
Not one person living their life for the other.
@@markschmidt9142 Exactly this 👏
Sounds like accountability is missing from women when they choose these types of men… where have I heard this before???
@Blokka Nokka i agree to the T. One of my cousins is one of those that tells the whole world in social media that all men are the same, but she never takes into account that she is the chooser therefore she keeps choosing the same type of guy over and over again, like the women on the video explained she just goes to whatever is familiar to her bc a different guy scares her. And when you try to tell her what's going on, she gets defensive and combatant and don't want listen.. i ended up getting mad at her and avoid talking to her bc she keeps spinning in circles like those little dogs that runs in circles chasing their own tail.
my friend has an easy time meeting women, but he’s too picky and doesn’t want to ‘settle.’ his pet peeve is any girl who’s on social media.
He's smart- social media chicks are for the streets. Let them be.
That's true though. You don't need social media, especially if you're married. I would be suspicious.
Smart man
nice! He's doing the devil's work of creating more broken relationships with women. i bet he loves giving girls trauma
He must be in the top 20 percent
That absurd list of 300 expectations is the result of entitlement and obnoxiousness from constantly being told that they’re victims and nothing is ever their responsibility and they can have it all. It’s the culture that’s the biggest problem.
Partly culture.. but it is also female nature to be extremely hypergamous and unrealistically picky. Wiser traditional and patriarchal cultures recognized this and steered women into marriages by restricting female freedom, having arranged marriages and having norms where women were shamed for being unmarried after a certain age. In these cultures, women find out very quickly their nonsense doesnt fly and isnt tolerated and they have more incentive to get married quickly with a decent man.
@@hv3115 If only we had this in the west. I'm so tired and sick of this overly promiscuous culture, and hook ups. Women don't want a good man, they want the perfect man which doesn't exist.
OR most women have been victimized by your species and you're oblivious to it because you haven't abused anyone.
This happens a lot. Good guys are clueless to what men are actually doing out there because they're good and don't do that kind of stuff.
Why don't you study the subject of abusive men? It might give you an extra tool in your tool box when looking for a woman. You'll be able to speak her language and be understanding.
Because virtually every single woman I know has been abused by a man in some way. Real abuse, not just hurt feelings.
Exactly! Straight to the point 👌
@@mowthpeece1 you are right but i have a question to those women. arent't they understand that they are dealing with a bad guys? why they reject good guys but falling for bad guys who then abuses them?
Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter, Tinder are the biggest problems in our society.
Add Pooprn to that list
Things will only get worse
100%. The best thing you can do is delete all of those apps. Absolute game changer
You forgot TikTok it's #1
Also tiktok.
I guess it's old fashioned to actually go out to find someone.
Very. Its damn near impossible now.
right. I hate online/app dating. It feels so impersonal.
It’s impractical
@@mutalemalama Immorality, in all it's forms, is never practical. Sadly, we have become too much a mob of short-sighted nimrods to grasp this.
I guess so, no shame in that. 21 year old here and I want a girl who is an old soul too.
I didn’t feel the spark with my husband when I first met him. But he was EVERYTHING I always wanted in a man. I thought to myself to not even give it a chance based on mere feelings is foolish. Love grows when you know someone. I think society has overblown ‘falling in love’. It’s much more than that. I’ve been happily married to my husband for 7 years now with 4 beautiful children. I can’t live without him. I miss him when he goes to work. He’s absolutely my everything. Allow love to grow guys. Especially when you meet the person that ticks all your boxes
Would you say that 'feminism' or "women empowerment" has lied to women? Therefore you get high rates of women who don't know how to deal with men or even compromise with masculine males and that creates long term loneliness?
@@YaaAgubyKete well to be fair, feminist don't know what feminism is 😂😂 and youre insults are weird lol
Regardless of being a man or woman, if you live a life of short sighted, foolish hedonism, you cannot just change that, and you can’t change the repercussions or escape the effects, even if you regret it, and even if you actually change and grow up later on, many of the consequences will be life long and inescapable. Moral, virtuous, faithful, committed, responsible men and women of worth will want nothing to do with people who live or have lived pleasure seeking, shallow, immoral, selfish lifestyles. Good people want to have a good partner, so they can have a good marriage, be good parents, and have a good family.
And if you try to force people to be something they're not, you end up with a nearly 60% divorce rate when factoring in long term separations and those who literally can't afford to divorce and those who continue to live together solely as an arrangement for children. So good luck with that piety.
@@manuginobilisbaldspot424 Who said force? It’s not even about “piety” it’s about having long term familial success, not chaotic, broken, dysfunctional lives which end in no continuity. I get that people don’t value that, so I would not build a relationship with someone who does not have the same goals. If the goals of having a successful, functional, good marriage, family and life are too wild an idea then I don’t know what to tell you. It’s almost radical in this day and age to deny selfish, impulsive, foolish, short sighted, emotional urges, and pursue integrity, commitment, patience, outflowing concern, and functional behaviors. That is a sad commentary on our society.
I disagree with you 🤷♀️
@@manuginobilisbaldspot424 Fortunately, that divorce rate has very little to do with moral, virtuous people marrying each other. It has everything to do with hedonism, dissatisfaction, selfishness, and deception (both of oneself and one's partner).
@@NodnarbRS so you don't believe that somebody with a poor lifestyle can change?
All men want is a woman that is fit, feminine and a pleasure to be around.
-fit- healthy
Aka…..The impossible.
@@mahmoudagha4060 I don't like big girls...and most men don't either unless their options are limited.
@@Peter_Wang Some are so skinny that their bones are literally out. I was not talking about fat ones. They are not an option for me. I just don't see them as a dating potential.
It was just a few years ago when it clicked for me, males primarily want a wife / female for comfort and solace 😅 as opposed to someone to impress them
This is why I've stayed single. After being cheated on, it woke me up realizing how I needed to develop standards of my own, despite many women's ridiculous ones.
Alot of us men are waking up out here
@ Dillon C If you're looking for something casual, all's fair (but realize that many young women in the culture today are all about sportf*cking "hot guys" to impress their galpals and to accumulate bling from saps and the transactionally-oriented. If you're looking for something more serious, realize you might be expected to present your best self. Good luck out there.
I think a good and simple rule to follow is just to expect from her the same things you give her that you consider to be fundamental to the relationship. If it doesn't go both ways it's way better to be alone. Being with someone that is not as invested as you will make you waste time that you will not recover while preventing you from potentially finding someone that would actually be worth it and I think that's the worst part, the loss of time that you will never ever get back. Lost many years to someone that did not deserve a thing from anyone, not repeating that mistake again
there are many good women out there, there will be a good one for you! Church is a good place to find a good woman
The west had messed up so bad to the point of no-return.Learn from India
When I was single I tried dating apps and it was awful I could not get into it 😩 but I met my man organically at a part time side hustle and it was so 90’s so awesome 😎 still going strong 5 years later 💕💕💕
Did he have a nice car and made 6 figures
Oh wow good if it's still strong after 5 years. I'm assuming you two are married by now if not soon hopefully.
He wife you up yet?
I’ve had varied experiences on dating sites and Apps. Currently married to a woman who I “knew” for 16 years yet now filing for divorce. Basically- people need to ask lots of questions and the respondent needs to answer honestly. Don’t expect perfection and be humble and understanding-we’re all human. For God’s sake if you have severe anger/drug/drinking and emotional issues that are unresolved and cause a need for intervention of police or suicide attempts you should take great care to fix those or decline marriage.
I feel like you just said ALOT without saying it lol.
You called the cops bro?
Hoping for the best for you @Ronald
Keep well ronald stay blessed
I had to break up with a girl I really liked due to drug use. I’m not gonna be the doormat to recovery. At least she was cool enough to not steal from me.
"if you have severe anger/drug/drinking and emotional issues that are unresolved and cause a need for intervention of police or suicide attempts .." Really, dude?? You MARRIED THIS?! :-o
Men need 3 things. Women need 300 things 😂
Loll
Any woman that says she is a queen will never ever be satisfied by a man. My first question for any women is what princess they relate too. They all relate to a princess. Anyone that says Arielle or Mulan is an absolute danger. Arielle had all of Atlantis, king poseidon and king triton worshiping her feet. She had to have the land and ocean bow at her feet. A Mulan wants to fight and be equal to the most powerful men in the world. Belle was beautiful and cared for her crazy, outcast father. She traded herself for her father. She submitted to and cared for the beast. She was not consumed and absorbed by the greatest man around or superficial nonsense. Any women who thinks she is a great royal princess is always a psychotic narcissist. Belle is not favored by the average women today. Belle is the only good Disney character princess. Very few women fill the shoes of Cinderella. Cinderella was cooking, cleaning and sewing for her family while wearing rags. Cinderalla is the only "strong and independent" women in all of Disney history.
Yet they aren’t worth 300 things. Thus making their value low due to high risk for short term longevity. They have proven to only be good in short burst because they are use to being in temporary situationships
lol thank you Sean
@@lalamclala5553 there r so many things wrong with that paragraph. Both Belle and Mulan have admirable characteristics. They both sacrificed themselves for loved ones. Shitting on Mulan who literally sacrificed herself for her father is ridiculous. And Cinderella only did the cooking and cleaning because she was forced to by her evil step mother.
In 30 seconds, she took the words exactly out of my mouth. It’s a serious issue in dating and I’m sooooo glad to have found you all and this presenter.
She just explained FEMALE HYPERGAMY in the first minute - that's all you need to know!
“Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.”
🔥🔥where is that from bro?
I am so grateful I met my husband right before dating apps really took off. If I had to go back into the dating circle, I think I’d just stay single.
Been with my wife 25 years I feel the same.
Same here. Glad I met my husband organically. I would hate dating these days....I would probably stay single as well.
*Yea, I felt the same way until my husband of 25yrs just passed away on July 22. Now I find myself in a position that I DID NOT WANT TO BE IN! If God doesn’t send my next mate than HAPPY SINGLE LIFE IS THE WAY!* 🙌🏾
@@servingtheteawithhoney3066 I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the same thing, if my husband passes away before me then God is going to put the man he wants for me next in my path or I'm staying single to avoid the drama.
@@crystalrose4296 *Thank you! Taking it one day at a time. Exactly, he has to be God sent!! And no FREE COOKIES until our honeymoon so I know it’s real. Wolves will not stick around THAT long!* 🤣🤣🤣
They’re not single, they’re multiple, and unmarried.
And lonely
@@christiansnaturestudio6599
They have each other.
Women (particularly those with Golden Vagina Syndrome) who spend their prime years vine-swinging from one guy to the next always end up alone, miserable and desperate by the time they reach their late 30s. They're their own worst enemies and don't even know it.
I have noticed alot starting to simply screw one another instead of involving a man! WTH is going on?⚠️
@@vapeking466
That part….
"kindness, do you have shared values, do you enjoy being with the person" again, the problem is she's describing things men look for in the upcoming dates. Women care about status, money, looks and how you compare to the other guys. Men are the ones who aren't hardwired with an agenda, we are crystal clear what we want; partner to engage with physically that we find attractive, who is loyal and isn't making our life hell. You don't need loads of things when that's basically all you're looking for.
I feel that's the problem nowadays. Most of the desired values men tend to list for partners are the expectations but women are literally treating them like the premium package.
Hell some like loyalty are more like eBay's hidden minimum bid, you were the highest bidder but you still didn't pay enough to win
I’m a woman and I’m looking for kindness and shared values. And reasonable amounts of compatibility and attraction. Some people aren’t practical. I think it happens when they think they’re bringing a lot to the table but aren’t as generous with interpreting the other genders traits. Society has gotten really comfortable with lifting women up and tearing men down. We should lift everyone up.
@@pnwlady Did you do that in your 20's? Cause if the profile picture is real you are at least 40. No, you do it now when it is a little late. You want a man that has access to much younger and better looking women. If you get attraction it would be the kinda guy that will never settle with you or just wants to smash and dash and is not picky ;) Fun part is you would not be happy with an average man although you are, as KS puts it, average at best ;)
@@pogonarugeorge3504 My stance hasn’t changed in 20 yrs. I added values after learning from my last relationship. Don’t know why my profile photo has anything to do with it. Personality and character are more important to me than the superficial and it’s served me well in life. I don’t GAF about looking good online.
Woman: I agree women are being favored over men unfairly
Man: You suck because you are woman
Woman: Wtf
The last few comments in a nutshell
A lot of times when you don’t feel the “spark” it’s because this person isn’t triggering your childhood trauma. A lot of times we try to find someone who will repeat the same cycle of attachment we had with our parents; if we DIDNT receive the attention we needed, perhaps we look for a partner who will do the same thing/never have you know where you “stand” with them, therefore giving you that spark and exciting feeling. Of course, in the long run that won’t make you happy. It’s exhausting and becomes toxic/addicting. So we toss away the good ones, and go for the “Assholes.” And if they don’t make you feel that “spark”, you say they are boring/no chemistry. You could throw away a relationship with someone who is genuinely a nice kind person!
The key is realizing that great relationships take TIME and EFFORT. The toxic addictive relationships don’t bring long standing happiness. Genuine connection can come after even a few months with someone. Does this person have my back? Do they listen? Are they KIND? Are they a GENUINE HUMAN? Are they negative? Those are the qualities worth deciphering!
Last thing; are YOU someone who you’re dream person would want to date?
I usually feel the "spark" days later, when Im taking a leak.
Very good points. Things to ponder.
Didn’t feel the spark with my husband. I always believed you need to love with your mind before loving someone with your heart. Our love grew and keeps growing! He’s absolutely my everything!
Unfortunately most women only come to that conclusion when they are already accomplished and "settled down" society has destabilize long term relationships
The older I get the pickier women get. One single mother who was obese talked about her bad date she had on her profile, and had a laundry list of what she's looking for. I just am in shock. Never would I thought it would get this bad.
Yeah it nuts! After the love of my life my son's mother left me never even giving a reason or trying to work it out I decided to stay single 10yrs now. It's been great doing what I want when I want but once mom and dad passed I got a bit lonely from time to time and decided to try and find a date. Hell at 48yo I can't even get a reply. One day I had this one fat chic reply I messaged her simply to see if she might reply. I told her most women never reply so I asked her how many men message her in a day. She said at least 150! My God no wonder they never reply. Oh and this fat chic wanted a over 6ft man with no kids 🤣! So my theory is since most women no longer commit it's caused a huge single male influx. This has put the ball in her playground! Not good and it don't seem to be getting better anytime soon. I miss the old days when you could message a girl online and be on a date the same night! Then stay with each other a few years and repeat. Social media and feminism killed it!😳
@@vapeking466 hey man the struggle is definitely real. I'm 47 so I get it. A few things I did to help was I went to church. Not a bible thumper by any stretch but it got me sociable with people instead of isolation. I'm very careful with religion because they have cult like behaviors, but I tread lightly. Keeps my sanity. 2nd, stay away from dating apps. They are useless as you know and not made for men.
Online dating is not good, approach women in real life.
Let’s not pretend that alot of men act the same way
Even whales with kids think they're 'thicc' & 'all woman'...they're trying to re frame women's obesity. Not 1 of these women wants a fat man. They still feel entitled to the Rock 🤣
Has anyone else noticed that most of the women on dating sites are highly educated? Coincidence? I dont think so.
🔥🔥🔥
what’s your point
@@marra531 it seems that Educated men have no problem being with uneducated women, but it seems the educated women have no interest in uneducated men. Men want someone who is pleasant to be with, not someone who is always 'right' and driven by her status and ego.
@@keepitsimplestupid3012 is that supposed to be a good thing? Men care about the physical so it off much easier.. why is it bad to care about other characteristics?
@@keepitsimplestupid3012 what is a woman going to do with an uneducated man……….. chances are she will have more masculine characteristics.. it doesn’t work both ways
Meet people in person. Ask people out to dates in person. You can’t smell an app.
Our ancestors didn't need Lamborghinis, millions of dollars, 7 inches, plastic surgery, 6'4, 5 star restaurants, Condos and mansions, Hercules body, beard, etc to be happy. Can someone send me back in time?
Facts hahaha being happy even with a short-term life expectancy is fulfilling still.
Talk to em⚠️🔥💯
@@businessmike2371 agreed. I have thought it about a few times how back in the old days going back a few hundred years ago that people usually died in their 30's and 40's but it seemed like they lived a more complete life than what people are living today.
@@doctorx1924 When you think about it they accomplished so much more things than the average modern person accomplishes, by 30 they completed their purpose, and 40s continuing works until death, barely any distractions from life other than wars. The family units were structured and pairing with a high-class woman was easy as slicing bread if you were about your business.
@@businessmike2371 I agree. I think there is a motivating factor when you know you are not going to live too long to get a lot done. Most people believe it's guaranteed that they are going to live 80-100 years which I think causes complacency and stagnation when it comes to a lot things in life.
The interesting thing I've learned during the whole dating scene is Men want to give love, woman want to consume love.
Men are getting a bad deal
Remember, men control the heart, women control intercourse
W0men want to consume love... your time and your resources
What I learned from.humam relationships is that they're not good from a cost/benefit.analysis, and non-human relationships are superior.
@@MichaelTaylor-yb6gt you didn't need the word 'narcissistic' in there.
Lol this popped up in my feed and I clicked on it so fast because I really enjoyed Gottlieb's book "Marry Him". I've always found her to the the biggest irony though because even as she talks about this stuff, she herself is still very much a statistic and a casualty of the very things she's sending alarm bells about. But as always from her, golden advice. 🙏🏾
Yes, based on what she said..I was guessing she didn't take her own advice and was just like all her clients in her own relationships. Which is ironic to the max.
@@nobay The exceptions are so fxcking RARE that almost all go down the same path I stopped feeling sorry for these folks a long time ago.
I know a guy who stop dating 20 years ago and became uninterested in marriage .he didn't mind if a girl had a huge list if they looked like Jessica Alba ,its kind of justified ;but, when they hardly brought anything to the table he became disillusioned and gave up-just way to hard and stressful.
I love how you mention “dealing with your inner issues/wounds/trauma” because that’s important in attracting and finding someone like minded, also in noticing what actions or feelings are based on your past trauma/patterns because that can ruin a good future partner for you.
Hello dear how are you pretty doing?
Right before Lori said this line 0:35 I knew everything she was going to say, you guys feature amazing guests, and I can't be thankful enough for this channel.
When you spoke on "sparks" it really resonated because I recently went on a date and while everything went really well I noticed I didn't feel those. I told myself that I wasn't going to operate from that space anymore though because it felt like 'sparks' might just be connected to my trauma and be there to signal something different than true love. First time I ever thought to myself, 'maybe sparks are overrated'.
I think a lot of people need to see this. Even as a guy I can really use this advice because in today’s world, everybody wants perfection but not what’s healthy for them. Straight facts💯
Good call out I'm guilty as well
Men will get blamed anyway... let's not forget that accountability is not very popular among the ladies
💯
Hungry for control a bit much eh?
The whole comment section is bashing women, and here comes a soy boi being the victim. Shut up Man
@@ziyamalik1666 Nah, feminism made females entitled. Wait till ur 30. Men won't give u attention. Ur too old Ma'm
@@ricoamordavila7496 I am just 15 bruh. Get lost uncle. I am still in school, and men are behind every one. Even our 50 year old teachers are tired of male attention. Lol
It is not that you are choosing people that will disappoint you in the way you got disappointed in childhood. It is that you are subconsciously teaching every person you meet to treat you in the familiar way that will disappoint you.
So true stability is more important than sparks. The sparks come naturally when each person makes a genuine effort to show each other affection, grace, humor, and authenticity.
Im 26 now, and I screwed up a lot of my dating life because of my childhood trauma. My mother was manipulative, dark, irresponsible, etc. And so i became (no masculine figure) i was addicted to women that presented drama (as my mother did). I had 3 potentially great women that I dated and I was the cause of all those failed relationships, i was so addicted to drama that I didnt want peace, i wanted to keep reliving my childhood with my mom. What this woman said hit home for me and it was a breath of fresh air. I still believe ill find a woman for me but, i will remain focused on my purpose (before and after a woman) and keep The Roomates in high regard!
If most boys think I'll never be like my deadbeat father he was never here for my single mom, then why are there still so many single mothers or shitty fathers. Drama and dysfunction, as a boy it's normalized and desensitized so they don't grow up not knowing better until they get trapped in the same cycle many of their fathers did.
Sure some guys a just shitty people or irresponsible, but I think a good amount either finally reached a breaking point or were thrown out
Where was ur dad???? The absence of ur dad is the bigger issue ...not ur mum because naturally most women are dramatic but the absence of ur dad may have made ur mum bitter and angry because he left her only to raise u plus every household need a dad especially during teen age because kids tend to be very rebellious and stubborn and men tend to know how to control them even up to adulthood ...
I honestly don’t know why kids who grew up with mum and no dad tend to always blame mum for me is foolishness because she was the one that never left u but ur dad did ...u are repeating what ur dad did ? Go see a therapist
@@lacy4035 based on the context of your response, you sound like a mamas boy/ girl(whatever pronoun). I am a grown man now, and Ive recovered from those situations given my experiences and maturity. Its about the accountability of both parents (my mothers irresponsibilty, my dads absence) naturally i held both parents responsible for my messed up dating life because I had no guidance for a long time. You should probably learn to consider someones circumstances before you start pointing fingers.
@@hcook1023 its trial and error. For a while i was doin the same thing my dad did because I had no guidance. I got more mature and realized that it wasnt working for me anymore. There are still a lot of shitty mothers and fathers out there because they dont want to hold themselves accountable and stop their actions that will perpetuate this messed up cycle.
@@lacy4035 it also appears that you dont believe in holding women accountable for their actions (with/ without children), which is against what this channel pushes. BOTH GENDERS NEED TO OWN UP TO THEIR NONSENSE. Let that rest with you and this post.
Unrealistic dating standards, awful attitudes & awful personalities are the main reasons that so many women are single
This aged so well😅
Bingo.
I freaking love The Roomates. Always cold hard facts. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
“You can’t treat human beings like a shopping experiment… “
… Hold my beer.
Lol
I read her book Marry Him! about 9-10 years ago, It made me accept the dating environment and I was less frustrated with Women and My own Dating situation. It's good read especially for men looking for a woman's take.
Women give the worst dating advice, generally.
"Finding fulfillment in who you are not who you are with or what you have is the key to finding contentment that will forever last"
This is a really smart lady.
I hope people are listening to this episode.
Honestly, people need to grow up and be grateful for what they already have and if you're not, change it!
Hello 👋 that’s so true
Kindness is seen as weakness in the western world.
Keep up the great work guys 💪
The last date I went on felt more like a job interview than an actual date..
arent dates any different?
Around how old was she? Was she a career woman as well?
I am 47 years old, and during my life I have often heard women label men as being immature; from my unbiased perspective I have been a witness to immaturity from BOTH men and women. BOTH men and women are equally flawed.
Indeed.
Excellent video!
If you are not happy on your own, nobody can make you happy. They can only give you a brief high.
This therapist is top class btw. Thanks for the great interview!
Very informative
You Should take what she is saying and apply it to your life.
I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨
No. Its not. No, I won't.
Great clip !
Even if many women are "single" they are still sleeping around.
Enters: chad only
We can go for much longer than men without sex. Last guy was 3 years in between
@@purplegirl8036 That's false for the simple fact that women are having sex far more than guys are. Male virginity is skyrocketing. You're saying girls can go much longer without sex whilst girls are having sex far more often than guys are... Which makes ZERO sense. There are stats that show this.
@@andrewsampton based on what? Says of how many people and where? Nobody asked me.
Same with men. Escourt are very successful lately
This is a very important video. Thank you Roommates for posting this. For both sexes this is important for men this lets you know what you may have to deal with but also to keep making yourself better keep doing the things you need to do to make yourself better not for others and the rest will follow. For women it’s just about being honest and looking inwards as well. Great post guys.
Most if not all the women I dated, I got the sense that they weren't interested in me specifically, but were interested in some idea or experience. They never asked any questions about me and never opened up with anything. It was basically like making a friend and then the friendship never progresses. Did I find out later that they were talking to other men? Yes I did. This is the #1 problem for me now. I'm only talking to one woman, the woman I'm talking to is talking to like 5 guys. How is that my fault? I'm supposed to stoop to their level? Lol I'll pass. Let them have their lives be about playing Human Games, that's exactly what they're doing with these apps, just playing games with people's lives.
Systemic brainwashing
And I think a lot of them watch reality TV dating programs like, The Bachelorette.
Women dont love men, they love what men can give them
Such a good video. Deep wisdom!
i really appreciate this video! i usually only feel interested once i start getting to know someone and see that they are kind, peaceful, and that we have things to talk about. honestly, looks (even age) don't really factor in too much, nor am i interested just because i find someone physically attractive. it was nice to hear that sparks don't have to fly right away for something to grow into a beautiful relationship because i feel like that has been my experience.
Why sign a contract with a partner who's highly incentivized to break it?
I studied a bit of law. A good contract provides for the contract being broken. Oh look a prenupt and a trust fund for the kids! You know who is on my dad's bank account as joint holder? My sister and I not our mother who he's been with for over 40 years! Long ago only super rich royalty/nobilty people got divorced. Cause divorce is expensive. But before you got married back then, the marriage contract had a series of clauses on settlement and on trust funds. This way if someone died or remarried or divorced or was a spendthrift, the money was always protected for the children of the Union. Somewhere along the line divorce got cheaper but the quality of the marriage contract declined. Slightly more modern example, when Princess Diana and Prince Charles married and divorced there were a series of legal contracts so she couldn't take all of his money or take the children.
Most women in their mid 30’s complaining about not having found their “forever person” met the man who would have made them a wife and mother, but he was “good enough” in some regard compared to one of her exes or one night stands.
We want partnerships with men and not just guys who do the basics as we can do that for ourselves.
That’s so true .. dating has become more of a shopping excursion … picking up an item then ditching it for something better.
What a great intro! So true and sad for both men and women.
Remember that college class " Interpersonal Relationships "??? It`s a lost art we need to get back to....
I took that class my freshman year in college. I still use those skills to this day. A lot of people have lost interpersonal skills and it shows
these days the interpersonal relationship classes are more feminism classes, its BS..
What the lady being interviewed didn't explicitly state that as a generalisation, is that women tend to be maximisers when it comes to products, and relationships, and men then to be settlers when it comes to theirs.
Look at the stereotypical men's view and women's view on shopping....most men go to one store and buy the one thing that they want and often have researched. The stereotype of women's shopping is going to half a dozen different stores, only to return to the original store to buy the first product they looked at. Problem is in the dating market, often that product (man) is no longer on the shelf, so they go to the next one, and repeat the cycle.
Thank you for sharing. Dating is super hard
@@TheRoommatesPodcast I'm very lucky that I am in a 10 year long term relationship with my partner. We're not married and have no plans to be, and we're both very happy. But I vetted her (and I'm sure she did the same) for almost 2 years before we decided to move in together and share our lives. I wouldn't get into a long term relationship with anyone without at least a year of vetting the other person.
I am just appalled at the state of the current dating market, and I hope that any small insight I can bring, can help someone out.
I appreciate the content you put out, and I think it's important both for young men, and young women to have the reality of the dating world exposed. Keep up the good work my man.
For the shopping thing I do that sometimes (Because I am poor)
your comment falls in line with men generally being the "hunters" and women the "gatherers".
@@nightlord5102 I've got friends who are relatively well off, and they still check out what they want online, and then go to the nearest store that sells what they want and off they go.
I cannot tell you in the past how many hours I've wasted in shops with previous girlfriends.......
Omg I love Lori! Just found your channel, I’m obsessed.
I absolutely love this video! The way you was talking with your hands in your commercial break tho 😂. I love you and I’m so glad I found this channel
Hello lleana
Greethings from panama
How are you
What she says around 6:00 about maximizers and dating through apps is truly pandemic, and the degree of self-inflicted constant insatisfaction and misery it generates is off the roof. Some philosophers have aptly called it "the cohertion of the optimal". The trick is to make happiness virtual. If it's real it's not enough and false, so happiness/satisfaction can NEVER make itself physically present (whether in a person or a situation). I consider it a generational illness closely linked with media, internet, and the virtual world. It's urgent to desintoxicate ourselves from social media and the social distancing it inevitably fosters.
a first date now is more like a police interrogation.
I loved the awesome and profound insights of this video. Keep up the good work.
Hello 👋 that’s so true
Dude I love your videos. Phenomenal content always.
What I took away from this: Be successful/interesting to the point that you seem like a catch from the start. Start at the exterior gentlemen. Exercise, eat right, dress well! Level TF up for your own sake.
Good attitude man. Nice to know not all men have accepted defeat
A lot of people are looking for perfection in their matches. Keep your deal breakers. Get to know the energy that's across from you and see if there is compatibility. I'm about to start the dating journey because I'm at a place where I'm ready. Great advice. Let's see what happens ❣
It's all true, there is a lot of confusion happening when it comes to dating... no correct communication when it comes to determining what someone really needs in a relationship to create that bond! Videos like this are changing attitudes and behaviors... I applaud you and your guest!
Hello Ted... How are u?
You all have nailed the lighting, it’s beautiful
You can't nail lightning that would be to much for them
She hit the nail on the head saying girls are always after the best. The number of times Tinder dates ghosted me after going out for a few weeks, only to resurface 4-5 months later is frustrating beyond belief. I return the favour and ghost them when they crawl back ;)
Just because majority of women are single, doesn't mean they aren't sleeping around with many partners.
The single females have the highest body count! Especially single mothers on dating apps!
Single doesn't mean celibate.
And this is the crux of the issue... love, marriage and sex are 3 completely unrelated things........... even though they aren't.
Truth!!!
"Many" being the keyword here.
Good topic… keep up the good work guys 👍
What she said in the opening was 100% spot on. It's hard to date someone when you're juggling several people at the same time.
I got this book and reading it , if i cant undo my mistakes ill make sure my Daughter doesn't become delusional like I did
👏🏿👏🏿 kudos to you and you on your yr journey of reaching your highest feminine prowess
Take that colored hair out. Take out them lashes, fake nails, tattoos and get off IG Facebook Snapchat and Twitter.
@@jermo1213 i dont have colour in my hair my hair is black and long i have my own nails and my lashes are natural fake plus And I don't have any tattoos ,i dont do social only for my health coaching business , plus starting starting some redpill Content for women , I wouldn't be embarrassed to show my own grandmother & grandfather
@@jermo1213 We both know that’s a Tall order and unrealistic to ask of Modern Women
Don’t be an asshole though, how else do we expect women to join and understand this community. Barking orders on what she needs to do is not going to help.
@@KaiisEgo The prejudging is real but I understand
What she is talking about is dating apps for women. Men don't go on a date then on the way home have a bunch of messages on their date profile, only women. Dating apps are for women. Mans dating app maybe 1 reply a month if he's lucky, womens dating profile 100 a day. I wonder who isn't satisfied and always looking for something better.
That’s exactly what thought too. Her analogy was a woman not a man. I think men in general are willing to give someone a chance unless it’s a complete no. Women on the other hand will disqualify you immediately if they find anything that isn’t perfect.
@@chrisn2125 on dating apps men don’t really know what they want. A majority of men aren’t looking for a relationship but a quick lay.
A lot of men on dating apps always state they aren’t looking for anything serious , that immediately gets them disqualified.
The realest conversation on CZcams
This lady was great in providing valid points 💯
What is standing in the way of women getting a lasting relationship and being happy? In a word, Feminism.
Happiness comes from self.
The host and the doctor are so smart. I got a lot of knowledge from this 12 minutes show.
Mind blown…good stuff. Love the concept of repetition compulsion and the nervous or empty response to someone.
How do you stop feeling negatively around people that are actually good for you?