Feeling Major Regret Following My Divorce
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Feeling Major Regret Following My Divorce
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My favorite saying is: "Everywhere you go, there you are."
Aristotle! So, so true
Love it
My favorite saying is you think the grass is greener then you get to the other side and it was spray painted!
Over generalized quote. Changing your environment can indeed trigger a better outlook and a better life. So yeah...
People on here are ridiculous. Yes this call was a bit over the place, but she's trying to get help. We've all hit low points in life. Hopefully, she gets the healing she needs.
Yes
True. None of us call a counselor because we’ve got it all together
Thank you for this 🙏🏽 Totally agree
hopefully she didn't ruin his life.............
I think it speaks more when someone asks for help when they're not sure what the problem is. Instead of waiting for when it's so bad the problem is so streamlined.
I think the fact that she worries about being a good parent means that she cares about her future kids which is a very good sign. Some ppl don’t even think to care at that level.
Agree
People can worry about it and at the same time not be very good parents.
wherever you go there you are
“ How does a person know if they’re too crazy to have children?” Dang that’s tough
she is
If you are asking the question the answer is yes.
@@petesfohn5659 judge, jury and executioner?
You know trust me
Child free age. In the days of ol, it won’t matter if she’s too crazy to have children. Some leech would pump her full of them anyway.
I had regrets so many times, but 25 years later he still hasn't changed. Now he treats my daughter the way he treated me. I thought exactly what Mr. Delony thought. She is just lonely.There is nothing wrong with a phone call saying I miss you. Be prepared to be happy for him if he is happy though.
For the sake of the children, please don't have babies until you have a stable relationship and home life. While it is sad the marriage was dissolved for typical marriage problems that can be worked through, the self reflection is a huge step in maturity. Best wishes in growing and improving.
36 is way passed her prime
I wouldn't say that, but having 3 kid's at 39 I'm definitely over having more.
If you think you're too crazy to have kids, then you probably are. I felt that about myself. I'm just about to menopause and I completely don't regret not having kids.
No way should this woman be having children. Too old and too many problems. Guaranteed disaster.
@@abark lol can't stop a selfish pos from doing so
If you're looking for an excuse to divorce then you'll have plenty of excuses ready to be picked over. Just because it's that easy doesn't mean you should. Just like finding a reason why you love your spouse and choosing to stay married (as long it's not abusive or adultery) might be difficult, but it doesn't mean you aren't meant to be
Before couples hit a wall, they’re so busy that they don’t have time to think or connect, then once they split, they now have all this time to reflect.
That’s true to an extent, but thats also like the people who say that they’re far too busy to do push-ups and sit-ups for 10 minutes per day, even tho they waste 2 hours eating, 2 hours on Tv, and 3-5 hours staring at the phone (on average).
So yes while a couple may be very ‘busy’
There’s always time to do a few pushups and sit-ups..
which in this case is just simple acts of attention and love
You don't appreciate something til it's gone
Real
I loved his compassion and ability to see her.
ugh
yes. i agree. half way through, all of a sudden, it all got serious....like he realized how much help she actually needs
@@petesfohn5659 ugh
Yeah he does that really well…
But only to women lol
Wow, imagine that she's reading all these nasty comments. People be kind, everyone has low points in there lives.
Agree with Dr. Delone
oh no!! Maybe a little Truth would be a good thing [for her]
@@petesfohn5659 lol.
I agree…..❤❤❤
To be fair, she may be all over the place because she’s dealing with a lot and has anxiety. Also some people fight and some flight in certain circumstances. And she took off and is coming to terms with her decisions .
She thought the grass was greener on the other side. 😭 Don’t double back now. The grass can be greener where you “water” it. Please don’t call your ex. Leave that man in peace. 🙏🏾 You have so much to work on before you bring anyone into your life again.. including children.
Facts
Amen! 👏
Shocked that Deloney repeatedly said to contact ex-husband about reuniting. It wasn't clear who actually filed for divorce, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was her because she's all over the map. Doesn't appear that she ever reasons out consequences of her actions. Her problems go back to her childhood; it's going to take a psychologist or psychiatrist to untangle that web.
It's fine to call. If he says don't call them she can stop calling.
Exactly
Having kids when one’s life is like this… oh man, please nooo
She's regretting but dont forget the pain she obviously caused her ex.
As much as every one nit picked this caller, I hope she found some answers to help her with her life.
People need to realize this lady is struggling. Your comments are not necessary if there aren't to lift her up, encourage her and support her. Unless you have walked this walk you don't know. I get it, I have been there. It is hard, it hurts but it is the best thing I have ever done for ME. Life can and does get better, I am proof of that.
We are trying to save lives
The comments are necessary, and her behavior should be shunned/judged because it's ridiculous. She needs to hear it to straighten out.
Yeah, so many red flags here. She starts off by implying that she paid off all her debt and that she was achieving her dreams in life but she only paid off her debt because she liquidated all of her assets and lives in a van. That’s a very unbalanced perspective of life.
Not necessarily, she could have liquidated her assets and still have plenty of debt while living in her van.
It’s a place to start though. She has had a lot going on, she got herself out of debt and now she’s looking at her own health and future. That’s a lot of good there.
Nothing wrong with living minimalist and off-grid for a while. She clearly needed some time to sit and think in nature. And she didn’t have to pay for some expensive retreat. She did it in her van. As someone else noted, better than doing all that with debt!
She sounds mentally bipolar or borderline. Maybe has anxiety or adhd or depression.
their money
She should not be quick to get into a relationship with her ex-hubby if they entertain that idea. She needs to get healed, get emotionally secure, get Jesus, get counseling, get therapy, be whole, then be friends with the ex for a lengthy period of time and have deeeeeep conversations before possibly getting official again
You have to do all of that? She’ll be 256 before she’s done half of that. We’re all a work in progress.
@@staleydu1 😆 🤣
Get Jesus! Well said🙏🙏🙏
Great job Dr. John!
Best advice towards the end. I definitely agree she needs to heal and figure herself out before she ever thinks of calling her ex.
Also, wanting kids is something she definitely needs to figure out before her next relationship so that she can date accordingly and be with someone who genuinely wants the same things.
I really wish her well.
Well he tried to reconcile, she said no. Then she tried TWICE and he decided no and the divorce was completed. So I doubt it's an option at this point. It's been a year (at the time of call,) chances are he's involved with somebody else. Hopefully she's been working on herself and doing well.
I would think anyone who gets a divorce has their regrets at some point.
Nope, not me. After the silent treatment and verbal abuse..... never, no regrets. 🌈🌈🌈✨✨✨🌸🌸🌸
I regretted marrying in the first place. Should have paid more attention to his dysfunctional behavior early on.
I would highly recommend EMDR therapy for this young lady. I can relate to her situation a lot. EMDR really cut through the trauma from years of family drama. I thank God for it.
Reoccurring dreams are often a sign of PTSD. So it's more likely that the dreams are from trauma, instead of some sort of a "sign to get back together". It sounds like she may have layers of mental health issues or disorders due to trauma. A great book is "The Body Keeps The Score," by Bessel Van Der Kolk. If she hasn't already, she needs to get an official mental health diagnosis and treatment program by a psychiatrist and find some sort of stability before jumping into any new major life chapters. She seems to reason things out with the maturity level of a teen, more than an adult. Hoping the best for her.
She divorced me....i got a puppy...now all what i have my love to my puppy.he is very loving and loyal..she called me 6 months to come back???? NOW my littel dog doesn't want.hahahaha.i am happy without her
I got divorced in July of this year and I always say its life after death. Now that the marriage is dead I now have a life.
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I can't believe am with my lover again
after so many years of breakup.,
I’ve been through divorce care with a group and it’s not uncommon for people to have these types of regrets. Hopefully she takes his advice, creating a whole new mess by reaching out to her ex while she’s still in this head space would be adding to her regrets.
Frankly I think she was wise to pull away and the seek to heal herself; unfortunately it needed to take place in divorce, but in a glass half full mindset she needed this for herself. My ex called the dating relationship off because she had drama including occasional suicidal thoughts and while it sucked when it happened, in hindsight I'm glad for her that she's working on herself instead of bringing me into her unresolved darkness and baggage. I can only imagine how tough it is to work on yourself when there's a marital partner and kids.
So instead of being a good platonic friend to someone that struggles with mental health and help them heal if possible, you decided to get married to them?
@@marthajackson1388 some people in their ailments are so charismatic and think that finding someone can bring them the joy needed to recover, so they go through with it. Sometimes the partner of the ailing don't even know that they got with someone who's suffering until they've married them
@@ilai7893 That might be true for some. I am an older person. I have to tell you for my experience and from what I have seen other people go thru, most of us ignore the obvious. The small little details that we just decide to overlook until we found the relationship crumble and then in hindsight we all go "well obviously that was destined to fail". Most successful people have an ability not to overcome bad situations but rather walk away from them. So when you personally improve, you start paying attention to this. You can't control anyone else actions but you can control yours. Walking away is an option that honestly many of us should exercise.
Dr Delony you are brilliant
You are wonderful company and food for thought during lifes difficulties. God bless you and your family
I'm really glad she's thinking very carefully about having children, something that everyone should do these days especially with the way things are for working families in the US. Whatever conclusion she reaches, may it be for her best interests and the child's too.
If you're asking yourself if you're too crazy to have kids you're probably more responsible than most. And probably not too crazy. Good luck!!!
So she was homeless for four months. Also, she initiated divorce and feeling regret.
Avoid divorce at all costs, even if this means not getting married in the first place.
Thank you!
Thats the best way
That's what most people are doing now.
“Are you too crazy to have children?”
*id love to find out*
That’s about as close to a yes as you’re gonna find
She will probably be a great mom after some healing … she is afraid to hurt a human . So many people think they do a great job being parents but nahhhhhh!! I wouldn’t judge her at all. God bless her and I’m sure she will find and create more moments of joy with her family . Love you Elisabet, you are definitely courageous !!
Children need parents that are fully present and able to be there for them. This woman isn't at a place where she can do that it sounds like.
I think she will make a perfect parent.she applies her mind and thinks about what kind of environment her child will have.some people supposedly sane are in no state to be parents but they are
I disagree….❤
Love this caller! She's working through hard stuff, and I just heard her being real. God bless you, girlie!
This woman is all over the place. Can’t answer his questions, doesn’t seem to stay on subject…
I think she needs counseling.
She has anxiety and is probably borderline and has PTSD and maybe has ADHD.
Most people are awful…and I’m not talking about the caller
Dont tell her to go crawling back to her ex. Worst idea on the planet. She needs to start over, not go backwards. His mother is still toxic and he didnt stand up for her or she wouldnt have divorced him.
John always tells people to get back together. Since there are no kids, she needs to stay away from her ex.
LEAVE him alone....for HIS sanity
I admire this man's quick advice so much. I'm tempted to make up a problem to see if he really thinks of the right thing to say this fast.
So, you're going to lie?
@@veracityhunter7777 It was really just a joke. It's fine.
@@saywhatnow57 Good
Leave his time for legitimate problems
She didn't want to take responsibility. That why it was hard for her her to come up with a reason. Bottom line, she thought she could do better. That's about 70% of reasons for a divorce. Men stay single. Your daily reminder.
What about men who want to have children?
She totally dodged why they were divorced. John should have steered her back to her taking responsibility for that answer.
@@sueblack5794 🤣 it wasn't going to happen, they will never take responsibility
Complete B.S. 🤯
she stalled so much cause it was her fault she knew it and didnt want to admit it
I sensed the same thing
If you can ask the question on how crazy do you have to be to not have children, you are not that crazy. She is just in her own head and over thinking everything.
The caller said she could have another relationship. I'm not so sure of that. I don't see someone this troubled being in a relationship and if she did get into a relationship I don't see how it could be a good one. I wish her well, but at the time of this call she was in no condition for a healthy relationship with a significant other.
She won’t admit that she cheated.
what ??? The dating market isn't all that great?? The grass isn't greener......?? What da'?!
Not one moment of regret for me.
Same
Thank you, same 😊
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I can't believe am with my lover again
after so many years of breakup.,
Bitter
@@valeria-militiamessalina5672 peaceful.
She wrecked her home. KS.
I resonated so much with this call
Elizabeth, I'm proud of you for at least giving thought to what you may bring into our society. Many people are out here making babies because they CAN then when those babies grow up they expect the govt to do something because they CAN'T
Great that you learned from books but keep in mind that you are not a Stepford wife. Following those books verbatim will turn you into a robot🤖
Don't call ex until you 100% love self first. Once you're at 100%, you may realize he is/isn't the one 😘
If you’re not broken by now you’re tougher than you know.
So, he tried to reconcile first and she turned it down. Then she changes her mind. Goes crazy and takes off in a van. Sadly, I've seen this many times, mostly women. When many women go through hard times, their relationship ALWAYS suffers. It encompasses her entire life. She made a decision when she was in an emotional place and now realizes she made a mistake. Men can kind of compartmentalize trauma and separate it from the relationship. Just what I've noticed.
I am seriously considering divorce because my husband is an alcoholic but at the same time - I don't want to regret it later. I love him but I can't trust him or want to be around him
Consider the effects if you have kids and also try to get him help if you haven’t already.
If he’s not willing to want to get help then God bless you
Sorry to hear that! Do whatever it takes to protect your mental health. He’s made his decision. You make yours. I do videos on self-love. You can check them out if you like.❤️
I'm in the exact same situation....with very young kids.
Research Al-anon
Struggling to find a lawyer who will work with me and my financial situation
If you ask if you are too crazy to have kids, means you are not too crazy to have kids. ☺️
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
nope
The only reason she regrets her divorce is because she can’t get anyone better than her husband the the guys she wants don’t want her.
Red pill incel nonsense hits again. You people are so miserable,it is just sad at this point.
Get help.
Oh brother
Poor lady has been thru the wringer her entire life. She really needs to "FIND HERSELF " before, we bring kids into this world. Her mother probably didn't have access or resources to seek help which might've helped this young woman in her upbringing& environment. Tnxs Dr for suggesting she needs help 1st before making decisions about children. It will be a lifelong journey taking care of her mental health& needs. GodBless RIP MAMI/BRO
There's help they just don't want it tired of hearing it
Those are not reasons to get divorced
"No matter where you go, there you are!!!"
My Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. Never been happier I’m not with her.
Couldn't agree more. She found some one better and left and now I have a life and more money
I.... can ...refer ...you .. to... the... powerful... relationship...
restorer ...who ..helped... me... manifested... my ...
...partner ....back ...with... more... love... and
commitment ...he... can... help... you... and bless
your... relationship.... perfectly
What app... him... for... help
for men is better than for 'her'
If your divorce was the best thing that ever happened why are searching CZcams videos about divorce regret
Her ex husband dodged a bullet by not having children with her. He can start over clean with a woman that can listen and complete a sentence. She is confusing.
Its not that he dodged a bullet she's hurting and when you're hurting your mind is everywhere. That doesn't mean something is wrong with her and someone shouldn't love her or someone should watch out. She needs to heal. Her mind is hurting so her emotions can't stay in one spot. Have you ever felt so flooded with emotional hurt that you couldn't think straight? That's where she is she's just strong enough to realize she needs help and is reaching out.
Troll
She has a HUUUGE problem listening....
@E yes, also people with attention deficit.
Umm…errrm…ummmm…aaaah…I had sever body dysmorphia……
Tell us you cheated without telling us you cheated.she still can’t take accountability 🙄
Her ex is better off without her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Huh! Thought it meant she looked ugly or fat or unattractive in her opinion.
It’s funny how she asked for a divorce and then wanted to come back after two months of separation.. my guess is that she went out, slept around, and then craved stability with her husband….
Yeah she kept avoiding the question. She probably cheated and guy she did with didn't want commitment.
Bingo
Why do people call if they cant articulate their problems?
Often they are the ones who need more help.
Right, John literally has to drag it out of them. When that happens it usually means they're hiding something significant..
@@geminisunleomoon Why are you expecting someone with a disorganized life and chaotic thought patterns to be able to explain in an organized manner? Her problems need hours, not minutes, to unpack.
Listening to her avoid answering his questions is like pulling teeth
Guys run away from this chick .... 🙅♂️
Coach Greg Adams gotta break this down
Did he ever do it?
Moving in and buying a house before marriage is not the cause of the divorce…did this and still happily married for 10 years
Please don't have children if you have all these issues. It might sound harsh but think about putting innocent kids through an unstable environment. We have so many psychopaths and murders because they did not grow up in a stable loving households. Sometimes we need to give up things in life for future generations. Do not bring kids that will continue with the decline of society.
the best observation is that this "regret" maybr grief, regret, guilt and has more to do with her than the ex-husband.
She needs to move on and not call the ex . the ex does not want children, she does. quit living by the river, get counseling and focus on herself 1st
Chris Farley...a van down by the river. I'm terrible with names too. Take care
Matt Foley was the name of the character
Sorry, but this woman is a mess.
I feel sorry for the next guy that is dumb enough to deal with her...
@E You got that one right. Honestly.
If you took the time for introspection that she does you still would t be half the adult she is.
@E not everyone's "low moments" consist of initializing divorce for no reason at all lol
Comments are unnecessarily mean. She is struggling and is honest about it. I hope she gets counselling to figure out her childhood first and she needs to grieve. ❤️🇨🇦
Good advice dr
If she has to ask, yes please don’t have kids
Dude this lady needs a really licensed therapist and needs to be in therapy not a friend not someone in the church. This lady has so many problems yet you shielded her from the truth. Come on.
@E tell that nonsense to a family who has lost a loved one. The seriousness of her issues requires the help of a licensed professional not some clown at a church.
@@CaliAAA72 100%!
she wanted to leave him why does he wanna stay with someone that doesn't want him ?
Her story is exactly what happened to me 😭😭😭
Im really glad I found this video
Honestly, it does sound like she regrets her actual decision to divorce. I think, I don’t know, but it sounds like she thought the grass is greener on the other side was better and was violently (not physically) wrong. I wouldn’t call.
she lost her mother and brother around the same time while also dealing with a divorce. delony is right. she might not necessarily want to get back with her ex, she’s just so desperately lonely she wants someone near. why not the person you used to love? that’s not the ex’s responsibility though. and it’s unfair to him. i hope she finds healing and community. sometimes you dont need a relationship you just need good friends you can rely on. this video is old so… i hope she’s doing better and is in a better place.
I only wish I had gotten a divorce sooner.
All I hear are excuses.
Deloney never tells people the truth about themselves
Did he really respond to "I am 36, is it too late to have children ?" by "You gotta love yourself" ? 😂
Marriage is permanent. Unless there is abuse, there’s not really a good reason to get divorced. You made a promise to be joined to this person for life. So, you should feel regret if you broke such a promise.
Absolutely wrong. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and a pleasure. Its not a death sentence.
What kind of twisted evangelical drivel to say its permanent. If you are lucky and marry the right one, it should be. It isnt always. You sound like an escapee of the Handmaids Tale.
@@Lianne459 Well...this is sort of a Christian podcast...hence Christians listen to it but yeah what a bunch if Evangelical brainwashed hogwash. Evangelicals treat marriage like the golden calf.
@@sueblack5794 You are right, I hear Dave tell like 19 year olds to get married all the time. Don't wait to save up money for a big wedding, just go and do it! Worst idea but evangelicals push marriage. Then he gets so many calls of women whose husbands cheated on them, left them with 3 kids and no money, etc.
I dont understand any of this. Marry someone you love when you are mature enough to make a good sound decision.
Yep. There are only a two good reasons for divorce. Infidelity and abuse. I have seen marriages restored after infidelity too, and they are stronger than before. Breaking Vows made before God is a serious matter and will never result in true peace.
Good god lady just answer the freakin questions
She needs therapy. Reminds me of some ex I know.
- So, why did you divorce ?
- Because my mom died.
I see. Everything is an excuse now
We need to bring back societal judgment asap!
Im doing my part by judging harshly
Sure I'm going to judge you for being the wrong religion, for thinking that you deserve to have a voice online, for how your home looks, for where you went to school, for your birth order, for what age you got married, for how many children you have for what their hair colour and eye colour is...
or we could just
Not judge.
I couldn’t make it past the first 2 minutes. Too much going on. No straight answers. Lots of regrets.
She is crazy. Living off the grid in a van all alone as a single woman?
Everywhere I go, there I am
It feels bad because it should. At the end of the day it means you either failed in action or in judgment. Marriage is serious and as a society we have made it far too easy (and profitable) to dissolve it and make it a dead institution.
All I hear is excuses for her horrible life decisions
I can't listen to this. Get it together. She doesn't need to have kids.
Why can’t more men be a Delony 💁♀️
I can have children right now. What???? With whom?
I would avoid that woman like the plague. 😱
Women who just want kids and don’t care about the quality of relationships that gives them those kids, are just awful. They want kids in the same way they want a cool car or a nice house. Until those things get old, then they’re someone else’s problem. And usually, it’s the world that suffers.