Questions Classy People NEVER Ask (& how to answer them)
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Classy people NEVER ask these questions. Find out what they are and how to answer them if they come up! Improve your social skills and avoid awkward moments with these quick tips.⚜️ To get coaching from Anna Bey - visit levelupclass.com & start your transformation! ⚜️
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I'm a mentor for women who want to look better, feel better & level up their entire lives! I offer women mindset coaching and guidance on high-end transformations. I've been featured in The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan and many more. For more information visit: annabey.com
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#annabey - Jak na to + styl
What rude questions are you asked? Do you have any other tips on how to respond to rude questions? Let me know in the comments below.
Anna! Please, you never sent me an item I bought.
Hey Anna, next video on how to answer such questions.. I mean i am homemaker, technically it's me who literally does everything so that my man can simply and happily go to work. He also appreciates this, but people? How exactly i am supposed to answer this question?? Oh! So you're a housewife but what do you do in your free time? I literally feel like cursing at loud🫥🫥🫥
Once a friend asked me how much money I have on my bank account! I mean... seriously? 😅
@@lindavidel95😮
While I was single I’d get many questions from ‘friends’ and acquaintances ‘when are you getting married’ 🥲 It was really getting the better of me for a long period of time. At some point I decided to not lose my cool and joke it away with this answer: ‘Oh it’s none of your business in the first place but keep asking and watch how you lose all your chances of getting an invitation for the wedding’ 😂 I realize it’s not the most elegant way to respond but back in the days I was just over it.
I’m a full time mother/ caretaker for my severely disabled son. Whenever people ask me what I do … I’m a doctor, a nurse, a therapist and a teacher. 😊
I hope you get paid well for that, you deserve it. 🤍
God bless you 🙏🏻
Me too.Staying home with my son , who is on disability ♥️👩🦰♥️
Im a Stay at home wife/mom. I like to respond with I'm a domestic engineer. Lol
Being a mother is the most challenging job in the world, yet it is the least appreciated and valued just because it doesn’t come with a paycheck. When I meet divorced men complaining that their “horrible” ex wife, who delivered his kids, has never worked, I get so frustrated. She has worked 24/7 with no vacations. It is so sad to see where the modern world is going with its values.
My favorite line for all of these is: “thank you for asking (and showing interest) but I keep that kind of information private”
@@Cinnamon_rolls444 Perfect answer.
😂 I wish to have your level of spicyness
Very good answer
Hmmm sry but I find this answer a bit of a turn off
I saw someone say that their go to response is “huh, what a weird thing to say to someone.” Might be a bit petty but gets the point across sometimes
I just love avoiding people these days. So much more peace. Just focus on what makes you happy
@@MARA_O1 me & my bestie's motto is literally let's go and avoid people together 😂 I so hear you
That´s it ! 💡
A lot of people are not happy in life, and so they like over-stepping other people's boundaries.
Only immature people can’t feel other people boundaries. I don’t have to be a good mother for kids that I didn’t give a birth to. 😂
Well said❤
In my opinion these "curious" people were never taught what to say or not. We lost the art of etiquette and communication. Anna does a brilliant job of returning lost knowledge.
Or a person is really interested in getting to know you. I think it is not good for your mental health to always assume the worst in people.
@@theartoffashionThank you. You sound like the only classy one in the room. I like your attitude.
I generally ask people "how do you like to spend your time?" They can bring up their hobbies, or if they enjoy it, their work. It's friendly and keeps the conversation going while giving your conversation partner many ways to comfortably respond.
Very good advice
Ah, I like that question! 😉
When people ask me “why you’re not married?” My response “ Nobody wants to be happy” 😂
I love this!
My daughter is adopted and doesn't look like me so I constantly get "where is she from?" She hates explaining her adoption story to strangers so I just say "we're all from God."
Our son as well. He is brunette and has a beautiful dark complexion. My husband is tall and blond. My husband is often asked if he is the father, and it annoys him. He always politely replies that our son looks more like his mother.
@@merih-agyour husband is the father, he isn't the sperm donor. You are the mother not the egg donor. Really it's not anyone's business.❤
My parents are both deaf. Countless times we got asked if it was hard for me to learn the sign language and if your hands hurt. No to both 🙈
The family planning questions are so crude. If someone asks me that I immediately lower my opinion of them.
Yes, they are crude...that's exactly what those questions are
@@Thrivinginthespotlight YES! AND, what if you had several miscarriages or a child that died young in an accident? I have said "Why do you ask?" and I just look at them. I project an honest demeanor and most people just stop and reflect.
@@NicolewithouttheH yeah same
Someone asked me yesterday how come you don't have children? My reply was I'm happy not having them. That ended that conversation.
that deserves a round of applause 👏👏👏👏
@@thewizard555 Thank you 😊 Exactly, was my decision not to have them, not really anyone's business.
Just flip it back around on them. If someone asks you "why don't you have children" you ask them "why do you have children"? If someone tells you that you'll regret not having kids one day, ask them if they regret having them.
I can relate to this too..
I tell them that I am not childless; I am child-free! That shuts them up! LOL!
When asked what you do, one answer can be "as little as possible", said with a smile.
@@PenangGirl 🙌
The "are you single/do you have a boyfriend/husband" question is especially uncomfortable when you are gay 😅 and do not feel like getting into that with a stranger/acquaintance
It's also uncomfortable when you're straight. Especially when you're a female and you're almost 40. That was a torture for me everytime(most of the time) someone asked me those.
My answer: "you don't need that information." Failsafe.
@@natashabourne2167❤️
I'm a Realtor and I had a very handsome gay male client who was buying a home in a desirable neighborhood. The next door neighbor inquired about his availability- he had a daughter- I told him that my client was "involved" in a relationship. When I told my client, he laughed & said it happened to him frequently and said my response was perfect.
I agree with you Anna Bey.
Some people deliberately ask unnecessary questions and even if you try to evade by answering their questions in a vague manner, they still are very persistant and want to dig deeper and try to judge you and want to taunt you and make fun of you by making you feel uncomfortable.
They just want to poke their noses into other people's affairs....
I agree, and I find it incredibly rude. Then they persist and ask you the same question in a round about way.. more than once..you have to become an expert at continuously diverting them or being vague! For me this is the hallmark behavior of an uneducated and ignorant person!
If people are that bold, I don’t feel guilty walking away from them. I’ve become ruthless. I usually don’t answer the phone if I don’t know the caller id but I’m selling my house and moving and so many businesses don’t identify their name on caller id anymore so I will answer any number that is remotely local incase it’s one of the companies I’m working with to move. Twice recently someone has called me about lowering my electric bill. Twice I told them I wasn’t interested. Twice the person calling felt compelled to respond with some information about their service. Twice, I’ve hung up on them. I don’t hang up right away. I hang up after they can’t accept, “I’m not interested” as an answer. No, I don’t want to tell them I’m moving. Yes, I realize that seems like a sure way to dissuade anyone trying to sell me solar panels or whatever they wanted to sell me to lower my electric bill. However, I don’t want to explain where I’m moving to and why with a stranger. It’s hard enough with people I know. My life is stressful so I give people one, just one, polite response. If the person pushes, I don’t feel the least bit guilty walking away. It’s rude but not so rude that I end up wasting my time in some debate with some nosy busy body. My life is stressful enough
They ask to then talk bad about you and/or make fun.
As someone who just graduated from high school, I don't like when people ask "what university are you going to?" because 1) some people haven't figured that out, 2) some can't afford it, and 3) some don't want to. And then they look down on you if you say you aren't going to one yet
Saying congratulations! So what is your next step?
@@rhondaharris398 Thanks! I'm going to move out of my house soon and do some musical theatre training (that's my niche)
When people are secure, happy with themselves, and have a life they don't need to ask these questions
I’m glad you included at least a few ways to ask “what do you do” question differently. Because I believe that in most cases, people don’t know what to talk about and are just desperately trying to find commonalities, rather than to judge or intrude upon another. Many people, myself included, are very proud of what they do, love their work, and are eager to share. In any case, when I ask someone this question, I say, “What do you LIKE to do?” With that question, someone can include their work or not.
I don't feel I have to answer but just to lighten the mood and also help the intruder get the memo they're being intrusive, I'll just say "I professionally make up job titles to confuse people who are bent on knowing" or simply "I train squirrels to steal picnic baskets"
😂…your Last answer is the best ever, I still laughing tears 😁👍
I love that! Omg that reminds me of something I made up, I got so annoyed at the question that I took random things I did and made a whimsical sort of resume that I could just pick from such as "I take care of 100 birds", meaning I just feed the birds in my backyard and fill up the bird bath, or I'm a butterfly rancher, because I raised butterflies with my mom for fun once. 😂
Sometimes I feel like English is such a polite language - so it’s getting hard to deal with low class people and be firm about your boundaries
Try just remaining silent. What do you do?
…
…
…
Oh sorry should I not have asked that?
…
…
…
Well anyway I’m (starts talking about themself/goes away).
I am sorry i have to disagree. . I feel like lots of times people that speak English are very aggressive, especially those in the USA. Lack of culture is also a big factor. . . Cold, rude, aggressive, annoying , etc etc. . I visited Mexico just last September and was in awe by the warmth of the culture and how polite people are.
If it becomes hard to deal with them, just leave and forget it to move on with your day happily as it didn't happen.
@@letyfoster2421 I have agree with you 100%. It is rampant, especially in social media. It's the elegant, polite people that attract positive attention, but they are few and far between. I wish that table manners, social etiquette and respect for others were taught in schools.
Hey Anna. Thank you for addressing this, I think one of the most rude questions to ask someone is, "What do you do?" This is a person's way of categorizing you which will determine how they treat you.
Exactly! I noticed that a lot when I was younger and were out clubbing. Guys were all impressed at first when I said I'm an assistant nurse (a female nurse is hot for most hetero guys) and asked what hospital I worked at, but emediately started to frown when I told them I work with elderly people in nursinghomes. Most guys looked disgusted and like "Ew, how can you do that??" and quickly left. I said, as I do to this day, that it's more fun and I get to use all my skills because it's set in a homely environment where they have their own little appartments but share meals and activities with others. We do everything there, we clean, cook, wash, help them obviously with personal hygien, entertain, take them out in the garden, fix broken stuff etc. It's not all about poop and diapers🤦♀️Plus the pay is a bit better than in hospitals. At least it is in my country.
But I think my profession is classed as the least wanted in our society. It's lower than cleaning jobs I guess.
I want to change profession because I'm tired of the stress and workhours (and peoples frowns...). We work horrible hours with very little rest in between and it's very heavy too. But I'm 54 and have low selfesteem and affraid to do it... I look good still but I'm terrified to be judged. I just want a fun job like in a supermarket or shoppingcenter as I did when I was a teenager😩
@@tessltaekook8501 hm, wondering if what others have said and felt have impacted your joy in what you do. It’s unfair. You get to hang out with your friends everyday and you’re getting paid for it. Those guys were real jerks, thank goodness you didn’t marry them because if you had, they would basically never appreciate or value the heart that goes into all you do in your home. That’s the worst feeling in the world. At least, the elderly appreciate you every day. ❤ Change how you see them, they’re customers and just have fun playing with the thought. They’ll have fun, too! You’re so important to them!! You’re everything to them, your true friends.
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger Yes, I know. I even got an expensive perfume from a woman! She said "If only everyone was like you!". That was the biggest compliment and most important one I've ever gotten! I know I'm needed and that they value me. I'm always happy and see the fun and joyful things in life, and that helps a lot in my profession. But I'm tired of all the bad things people say about our profession. It's so annoying to be embarrassed about what you do for a living. I always point out that it's a lot more fun and free to work at nursinghomes and that it's like my second home. Those who live there become like family and their relatives and friends need us too. Some are so sad and lost. Like I said before, we use all of our skills and experiences in this job...😅
@@tessltaekook8501 And it’s true. If only there were more people like you! If only a new word title should replace the one that exists. It would give a facelift to the whole perception of the profession. 😄 You could explore a new exciting title for yourself! 😁 Many people already call you Angels. You kind of work as a Human Resources Management. 😉 Your clients are a Seasoned Class 🧬 among the Worlds MOST experienced! 😃 You are AMONGST the finest, luckiest and most experienced in the world, who have connected you to the most available knowledge of the world in most areas of life!
😌💕 Everyday, you have the Pulse on life! 🩺😁 Everyone else is missing out… 😊😉💕
When someone asked me an intrusive question, I ask them why they need to know
@@renferal5290 Just say: Why do you ask?
I'd rather answer "Is that important?"
That doesn’t work for me. 😂 They keep not getting the memo and want to know.
Being rude back like that doesn’t really do anything for you. At least be witty
@@M_SCexactly
The dress looks so beautiful on you ❤❤❤ you are glowing!
yesss The DRESS!!
It’s even harder when you’ve lost a child (my son was 18 yrs old when he passed away) and they ask that. I always tell them two. Then they’ll ask “How old are they?”. Then I can feel the waterworks starting to build and I have to divert. It’s just awful 😢. I give different answers depending on my comfort level with the person.
@@codreaming9304sorry for your loss. A new hairstylist asked my mum how many children she has. My mum said I had 3, but sadly lost my eldest daughter. This upset her saying those words to a total stranger.
Exactly, it depends if they're genuinely wanting to get to know you or if they're just interrogating you to pass the time or to pass judgement on you for why you don't have children yet (but they don't realize I literally just had my second miscarriage) and still feel like they can judge me.. I'm sorry for your loss.
As a 33yo widow who works as a flight attendant, these questions are an annoyance. Thank you for providing good answers to draw boundaries to these intrusive questions.
I had several professions in my life, from being a housewife all the way to the CEO. I can tell you that ppl totally judged me by my profession. Their reaction showed me right away what kind of person they are. Today, after all my experience, I am answering the way I feel at the moment. 😊 Thank you, Anna, for bringing this up!
The worst: When you sit at home with your 9 month baby and somebody said that I only sit at home and do nothing because I don't have a job 😡
@@sylwia7319 they are Jealous. You should be smirking not mad. Don't let them trick you into thinking its not the most important, valued job in the world.
People who think that being a mom is not a fulltime job are not worth your time. This is so disrespectful.
Sylwia, if you have time to sit at home & do nothing you are one of two things. Neglecting your home & mothering duties or an awesome mummy who has great time management. The best I managed was a tired, messy mummy whose children survived & hubby wasn't stabbed.
❤❤ much respect..it is one of the best roles in life..motherhood.❤❤
Be with your baby! Don’t listen to them!
I have the habit of occasionally testing people when they ask 'What do you do'?
Either telling about my two bachelor degrees or my blue collar job.
The difference in reactions are priceless and usually classist unfortunately.
i do that too! tell them about my degree, then “yeah, and i work as a chef☺️”
My friend when she was a young lawyer would answer “I work at subway sandwiches” if she suspected they were snobs. And if they were not cool with that she knew they sucked.
Well, I don’t think that asking “what do you do?” has bad intention, it’s just a normal question when you try to get to know someone as work is a big part of our life. This question is not elegant only when you ask it in order to judge people based on their occupation. But “when are you getting married” and “when are you having children” totally rude and no they don’t mean good by asking. Usually the people asking this are married and have children and feel like you have to follow their path, because it’s the right one and I also believe they feel more “successful” and want to rub it in your face. And I would add one more rude question: “have you gained weight?” and my favorite rude answer “oh, no I actually lost weight. You should have seen me last month when I was fat, I looked just like you” 😅
@@themartinacrazy people who are laid off or who choose to be stay at home parents/homemakers do get judged. And in some circles people are judged for retail or blue collar work.
In the U.S. the question, "What do you do?" is routinely asked, just as a conversation-starter with someone you've never met before. It's assumed that, whatever it is that they do, they''re not ashamed of it, and it's not illegal!
You can always ask, "What industry are you in?"
Agreed. In America, it' not uncommon for people to ask this and it's perfectly innocent. And I have found that foreigners often ask the intrusive family questions like, "Why aren't you married or have kids." Our values are different.
@@n0tgunshy it may be intended as innocent but there are people who are judged for a low status job or no job. It should be common sense that not everyone likes to explain “what they do”; to me this sounds like “how do you justify your existence?” Which is very intrusive coming from a stranger. I understand talking to strangers is hard though because you don’t know them.
@@Pamsmith59 no because how would a SAHM answer that? I’m in the “domestic” or “child rearing” industry? If you work behind the counter at McDonald’s, do you say “restaurant” industry?
@@joanblack6672 people who recently got laid off may be ashamed about it. Quit being obtuse
My favorite reply is: "Is that a question?" Then change the topic.
Anna has collected all the most annoying questions in one video.
A colleague asked me every day for two years: "When will you invite me to your wedding?". I answered: "First I need to find a boyfriend, then he'll propose to me, then we'll plan the wedding. I don't think it will be anytime soon." And she'd start telling me that she got married at 19 and thought she was an old bride, and she'd say that I must think I'm really old at 32. She spent a long time telling me how old I was. One day when she asked me "When will I get an invitation to your wedding?", I honestly replied "never. I will only invite my friends and family." She said: "That's rude." And I said, "That's honest." For two years I heard every day from this 60 year old woman how old and unwanted I am in my 30-32 years. And I was frustrated and sad every day. Why wasn't I rude right away? I should have been rude to her after she said bad words to me for the first time.
Sometimes it's okay to be rude.
Where did this happened? India?
When she told you “that’s rude” you should have replied “I learned that from you, thanks”
People who ask these type of questions lack etiquette and manners and not necessarily because of lack of wealth or because they are not in “high society”. As a matter of fact, it is often “high class” “from high society” or “wealthy” that ask these questions which in my mind definitely reveals their lack of class, etiquette and manners. Still I agree, sometimes it is ignorance or curiosity but it is no excuse for such intrusive questions. I never answer back in an aggressive or defensive way. I rather lighten up the conversation by saying -“oh it isn’t that important but you know what is? This delicious meal we are enjoying, don’t you love the…”. Thank you for this video
Yes! I always find it's so easy to have a pleasant conversation and maybe even make a new friend when you can just make observations of the environment you're both in and often you'll connect over something funny that happens and it flows naturally. "What do you do" is so over used and it makes the conversation so choppy and then you have these judgements about the person before you've even spent much time in their presence.
That's a good response. 😊
@@lifespanwellnessbeauty-60i64 thank you 🤍
Every time someone asks me "what do you do", I would answer:
"I am not willing to talk about our work, it is our free time, so let`s enjoy our free time."
I don`t even care what people think of me after my respond. 🙂
Good answer. I would love to use it
Thats a good one ! "Work stays at work" !
The first part sounds rude but I do like the “it’s our free time, let’s enjoy our free time”
I would get asked this quite often when my friends - my girlfriends and I - would go out for a Girl's Night Out or something and I was just tired of it, so I looked at my Best Fried, one night when we were out dancing and I said, .." watch what I say to the next man that asks ' me what I do ' ...she kinda giggled, said ' ohhhh boy' "..( cause she knew me well, lol) , and sure enough .... A man comes over and he's talking to us. He asks us to dance and what not. ..
Then asks to sit down for a moment. ...Hes speaking to my friend..then turns to me ...He looks at me and he says " So. what is it that you do . ?" ....And I looked him straight in the eye. ..and Replied " Whatever I want ...what about YOU ???" ... I thought my friend was going to fall off of her chair...1 She was like " wow. That was great ! " ...after he left our table. I used it from thst time on for such a silly question.
"Oh, I totally feel you! So what do you enjoy during your free time?"
The key is to avoid places and events where these nosey types are lol 😝
These types are everywhere.
Unfortunately for me, a lot of this type of interrogation has occurred at work.
I'm unemployed and I hate whenever the question came especially the why. Why? Because everyone circumstances are different
im not unemployed but i work part time in retail bc i recently graduated and am trying to find work in my field, i just hate having to explain that all to ppl who i just met
So what if someone asks me what I do? How are you supposed to get to know each other? It’s not like they are asking me how much I make. I don’t think they are rude questions at all. People have asked me many of the listed questions and I never took them in the way that would suggest hostility or unexplained curiosity on their end. When socializing, my goal is to be pleasant
Right?! None of these questions have ever bothered me in fact I’m happy someone is trying to get to know me and love hearing about other professions it’s fascinating.
Exactly. It is how to get to know strangers through asking each other questions. As long as the intention is sincere, I don't get offended by questions.
In America it’s very common to ask what you do in Europe it is looked down on. But that’s cultural
This is very blanket statement.
Europe is not one country or just one culture. It is a continent that is home to many countries, cultures, and lifestyles. Same for America- which actually covers 2 continents, North America & South America.
In Italy those questions are super common, even from "elegant"/rich people (that I find very rude)
@@g.c.6823 I know right ..
Even here in India such type of questions are asked within 2 seconds of meeting as if their respect is measured by your profession and how much money you make..
So annoying.
I believe everyone understands that in America means only in united States of America. No one from Brazil says “in America” when referring to Brazil.
@@g.c.6823in asian countries it's super super super common...i m so done😕
"im a police officer" right away "have you killed anyone" 😭
Thank you for your dedication, selfless, courageous service to your community. Thank you, too, to your family. God bless you and your family and community.
I'm in law, and dated a state trooper. Police officers do NOT like taking a life. They are sworn to serve and protect and take that very seriously.
God bless the U.S.A.❤🗽
I would say "Not today but it's still early".
@@mallorygraf8574 hahahaha
Only immature people can’t feel other people boundaries. I don’t have to be a good mother for kids that I didn’t give a birth to. 😂
😆❤️
Love the analogy !
The “kids” question. Especially after you get married. They look at your belly and check if you got fat
I disagree on 'what do you do' question. Work is a place where we spend almost half of our lives and it indicates our interests, habits. If you're afraid that your job is not sufficiently prestigious or will be judged, then I would change the circle of people you're hanging out with.
I can understand where you're coming from with this, and I'm sure this is true for a lot of people. However, not everyone's work indicates their interests or habits. Sometimes it simply means they did not have the means to get an education, not even a two year education, and their job is simply what helps them get by. This question is often asked at weddings, or other events where you come into contact with a lot of strangers. So this question is often asked over and over again, and can be pretty exhausting. Why not simply ask about interests instead of what someone does for work if that's what you really want to know?
I agree with you . This video explained why people are so easily offended these days and afraid to talk to each other. There are so many egg shells around. I don't see "What do you do" as a rude question. Work doesn't define a person, but it is a very important aspect for most adults as we spend most of our awake time work whether in an office or at home. As long as the question was not asked with an ill intention, I don't see why we can't talk about work.
I'm a doctor and every time I've said that to strangers I've ended up tangled in the very annoying conversation about their health issues, or worse their relatives health issues... Believe me after a day taking care of patients of all kind the last thing you want to hear in your free time is more health problems. I believe it's the same for every job though.
So I start replying to that question that I work in health care. And if they ask further infos I say I work in an office and luckily the conversation goes on to the next topic.
yes, I have the same experience:-)
I make a point by saying something nice and not asking about my own health issues beacuse I could understand how annoying it would be to give out free advice
As someone whose Mom is almost obsessed with being tactful and drove the point home about the importance of not preying into anyone’s life, even if I know the person, I’m still amazed at how nosy people can be and that people have no shame about being nosy and making others uncomfortable
I normally told them I am a “Sex Therapist”, it really stir up their mind 😂
@@hww2741 lol this could backfire in the wrong crowd 😂😭
That’s 😂 hilarious.
@@jennna17 I tell you, people’s reactions were even more hilarious 🤣 😉
“How old are you?” … can people stop asking about age? So inappropriate🙄
I don’t understand what’s going to change about knowing a number. As long as the person has legal age people shouldn’t care!!
I agree! so annoying
That one infuriates me. Someone asked me that todag actually. A stranger.
I never grew up rich or formally educated but I learned this at home. Maybe because my mother is not American born and my father is second gen as well it’s not something we do. I am often reminded that people don’t know how bad and uncomfortable it is to ask people these questions especially strangers.
Formal education is not required to have emotional maturity and excellent social skills! Some people have none of the above
You restore the art of communication. In an old book of etiquette by Florence Hartley that they now reprint it is said: " In conversing with professional gentlemen never question them upon matters connected with their employment...The same rule applies to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on their paintings..."
Anna, you are nicer than me because the "What do you do" question, in my opinion, is mainly asked to size the other person up and not because the asker is actually interested
But why do you think that? Did something like that happen to you?
I teach and am proud of where I work and what I teach. I am happy to discuss it. I usually socialise with other professionals and asking about a person’s work is a great ice breaker
Thank you, Anna! I love how you explain that when someone asks you a question, you are not obliged to give them the actual answer. This is a wonderful reminder. 💙💕
I hate it when you tell people what you do for a living, for example marketing, and they want the specifics.
“oh so what exactly do you do?”
Like they actually want to know what your daily tasks at work are. It’s so intrusive. And it’s even worse when you’re unemployed.
But is it not a good thing if someone is interested in you? They want to get to know you.
@@noxnoir not when you are first meeting. Most of the time you’ll probably never see these people again.
Obviously if you are on a date it’s different because you are probably looking for a life partner or serious relationship but a stranger you barely know doesn’t need to know the answer to that question. It’s just small talk for them. Doesn’t mean they want to get to know you.
@@ayla8345 all friends were "strangers" at some point. I think it is not good for your mental health to always assume the worst in people.
It could lead to an interesting conversation. If you have your "wall up", you cant bond with people.
@@noxnoir you clearly do not understand what I am talking about. There is a time and place for making friends. I’m not sure if you have ever been to certain events or met new people in a more formal setting but situations like that do exist.
You KNOW when someone you’re meeting could become a potential friend but most people you meet in your day to day life will not become your friends. If that were the case we’d all have thousands of friends. This has nothing to do with having your wall up.
Maybe you don’t socialise enough to know the difference between these situations.
I am signed off as unfit for work and I have had to get used to confidently saying that I don't work. ❤❤❤
Yes, this is a difficult situation but not totally unusual
It can be very difficult to reply if you're in this situation. People unfortunately can be very judgemental.
I understand that some questions can make people feel uncomfortable. I remember how I felt when I had lost my job after 28 years at an institution I really believed in. I felt like my entire identity had been taken from me. Answering the question about what I do was very difficult for me at the time. Still, I think that these days we are obsessed about being politically correct. I want to have honest, genuine conversations with people. I don't like all the small talk. As you say, people are always free not to answer, but if we only ask superficial questions, no real connections are formed. Why do we need to be so secretive about ourselves? Let's have the courage of our convictions. I stand behind who I am and the choices I make.
I totally agree. Playing games with words do not build connection or trust. For questions one doesn't want to answer, just be honest about it: I don't want to talk about this.But can we talk about xxx?
Totally agree
I remember you once saying that you could ask politely "What line of business are you in?" Which I think is okay.
I had the dumbest questions because I got married young and had children before 25. They asked me did you finish your education? Are you still together? Did you plan it? I always say with pride I have a masters in econometrics and my work was so uterly boring that I feel lucky to be a home maker for my husband and kids..😂😂
@@c.j.m.mariaa seriously too much econ & stats sure is boring as hell. Great decision 👏
Right. It's so ridiculous. On the flip side, people seem to also question why you're not married with kids by 25 asking why you're waiting and acting like it's a big deal. It's crazy that they can't just mind their own business.
I love telling people I am a homemaker when they ask me the annoying question of what my career is. I find that people typically ask me this because they are looking at me and wondering how to achieve what I have achieved. The answer is discipline in diet and self care. The answer is making an effort with my appearance whether I am getting on an airplane, meeting with a CEO or preparing to meet my house cleaner.
I wonder if that makes people feel lied to though if it is obvious you are independently earning separate of your spouse?
Same. And when you say it with enthusiasm and that it's the career you ALWAYS wanted, it opens the convo up for them to ask more about you.
Never ever say you are equal to high profile working women cause that trigger us.
As I often say, the question belongs to the one who is asking, and the answer belongs to the one who will answer, so you're free to give the answer you want. If a person doesnt like your answer then it might be a bit of a toxic person, or at least not a kind person, so not necessary to make this person a friend.
Thank you Anna. For me It's been a traumatic time losing my partner suddenly. I decided to be a woman of Grace and really understand what that means for me. I now can, in turn, 'Give Grace' to others for their own ignorance. I'm able to set my boundaries with others and hold on to my power 'gracefully'. .....It's powerful stuff!
I am sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best.
Why is it more acceptable to ask for private stuff (free time, hobbies) than work stuff?? I don't get this point to be honest... if you don't ask, you are not interested in other people, if you ask, you're intrusiv....
I think you can ask anything, the response shows if the other person is comfortable sharing. However, the first one is a risk no matter what the topic is.
Yeah me neither . I mean ...it show a minimum of interest....
Good point!
I’ve been asking, “What do you do for fun?” or “what do you do when you’re not at_______(this event)?” It goes over well.
That is very good
Jus avoid outings until u r ready to converse. Different people have different understanding of boundaries, and at these days, everyone gets oversensitive and it's hard to tell people nicely without offending them. We can't get angry at people who overstepped our boundaries unknowingly but it's also hard to continue a conversation without stepping on eggshells
Right, if you’re not comfortable answering basic ‘getting to know you’ questions then perhaps avoid situations where you might meet new people.
I agree. We have to be gracious with people. We aren’t obliged to be offended by anyone.
Your dog is so adorable snuggling on the couch behind you! ❤
I had a work "ice breaker" once and the chap asked each of us what we do in our spare time. I was the only one who said: I enjoy going to the theather and watch musicals or go to nice cafes when I go to London.
Everyone else than said: my life is more boring. I don't do much. The most, I go to the gym. Etc.
I left the meeting feeling totally like a stuck-up bi":h.
Never more I shared what I do in my spare time.
I would rather talk about work now, being honest.
Never be ashamed of being excellent. Don't turn your light down just because other people are dull. You don't need to say as much the next time maybe but don't feel embarrassed for not being boring and average please.
I have met lots of people who are not classy, and I understand now why I felt uncomfortable with their conversation. I'm improving my social circle and I don't give time and energy to people like that anymore, particularly in London where there are so many people and talking to strangers in not so much of a taboo anymore.
What do you do is a very normal question for Americans. A lot of wealthy people are also used to that question. They usually either work or have a business and are happy to tell you about it.
I appreciate you for bringing up the infamous 'What do you do'. I am not always willed to discuss my profession with other people 😅
When I was young and doing illegal things for a living, I answered the question, “What do you do?” by saying, “About what?” It always got a laugh 😊
I’ve noticed that a lot of people are incredibly passive during conversations. They stare at you waiting for you to take the lead. Then when you ask them questions they get insulted by the intrusiveness and respond by being evasive, but then never offering an alternative subject of discourse. If you don’t like the question, just start talking about something that interests you first. It’s not “classy” to expect others to do all the work then get irate when you don’t like what they come up with.
I get this a lot as well.
For sure. Condescending too.
They’re not being passive. They’re being respectful and polite. Bring up the weather. The condition of the environment. The air pollution. Your next tasks of the day. The dog. Your dog. Something you’re going to do. Compliment their clothes or their hair. Tell them they look nice. Ask how their children are. Then wish them a nice day. There’s really no need for much more. 😊
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger why socialise at all if your range of viable topics is this restrictive and drab?
When I was a stay a home mother, I would answer this question saying," I'm an Investor. "
That's right, I'm investing in my family too keep them out of rehab, jail, teaching them values.
People are so rude! You meet them and some immediately start interrogating you. I find this highly rude. I think it's better to just have a conversation and let things come up as they may. A casual acquaintance doesn't need to know all of your business as soon as you meet. When people start up with this, I've started to immediately ask them the exact same question, and they usually get the message. I may have to start saying politely, "We've just met, do you need to know everything about me right away?" I also like that, "Why are you asking?" If it sounds defensive, that's because it is offensive. I don't like feeling like I'm being interrogated.
I live in a wealthy area. Every time someone asks me what type of job I have and I say educator ( Im not bothered by the question) I know they think that I dont make alot of money. Compared to them I dont. Teachers dont make alot of money. I have a great retirement and great insurance with summers off...but I know I could never make what they make. But, I do work hard to help young people read and feel loved every day when they come to school. ❤
I live in the US, and the question “What do you do for a living?” is so common. I am from Europe, and even though I’ve been living in the USA for over 10 years, the question still turns me off so much. But, well, I am in a country that values status above anything else. Probably for this reason, my closest friends here are people from my home country and other immigrants..
I was asked in a job interview if I was planning to have a baby. She was so shady because she asked while we were walking in the hallway. I think it's an illegal question actually.
This question in a job environment is common. They want to know if they can rely on you.
But i understand that it makes you feel bad.
Years ago when I was on dating apps "What do you do?" triggered me very much. It was an instant turn off... now I understand why.❤
If you are happy with what you are doing be proud of that. Be proud of yourself.
It’s funny, when I was poor and a housewife I was looked down on by some , but now they say I’m “privileged “ to be a housewife….
I was a Nurse in the US Air Force and I was so tired of hearing people’s surprise or opinions about women in the military that I would just answer Nurse. That response usually ended the employment conversation.
I try to avoid letting people know I'm a nurse; then they will tell me their most gruesome stories/accidents/illnesses, and then press for which hospital? What department? Do you work days or nights and how long have you been there? OMG ; rude, rude, rude Feels like the Spanish Inquisition
@@gigi9301 LOL! that is true, but it was a little less annoying than the whole military discussion.
@@cherieroberts3502 You could tell them you were in "special ops" so you can't really discuss the details, LoL. My good friend is a phone triage nurse for the military; her pay is horrible but she does get to work from home and that's an awesome benefit. Happy 4th of July and thank you for your service!!
I thought that was a rolled blanket on her couch for the first 70% of the video and then realized that is Anna' adorable little pup! lol
I don't think it's meant to be rude, it's a common question. What is a better conversation starter? Answering rudely is just uncalled for. If it's a person who is going to judge you by your job you will figure that out shortly and have no further interaction with them. It could be a person who has valuable networks to share, which you will miss out on. In what situations are you talking to an utter stranger, if you're with someone it could be someone they're friendly with or one of their business contacts. Unless you're a spy, what you earn money doing just isn't that big a deal. The children or not deal IS a bit too intimate as are relationship status questions, but usually asked by harmless aunties. Where are you from is also harmless, everyone is from somewhere. Personally I just don't like secretive people, if you don't want to talk don't go to parties with people you don't know.
Agree
I'm sooo glad she touched on this subject, it's so important ❤
I think what do you do can be a very normal question depending on what kind of setting you’re in.
Hello Anna, here is my take. Anybody should be able to ask any question to anyone without being labeled rude. It's our personal prerogative to choose to answer and how or not to answer at all. I reserve that right. I'd rather the person ask and then choose not to answer, than expect them to assume for me what I would consider rude or not. If you don't want to say, just say so, if you feel discomfort, say so, if it makes you upset, say so, don't judge people for asking, that's childish. Any decent person will work with that, no need to be rude or deflect, or turn the questions around, it's awkward. Now if they don't respect the boundaries you expressed, that's a different conversation.
Thank you!
I love Anna, but this video and many of the comments are telling us to “mind read” the sensitivities of these people we’ve just met. It’s no better than the ridiculous pronoun nonsense. These questions can be from curiosity, interest, or possibly negative and angled. They’re too whiny lump a question that could have many reasons for asking it as categorically “bad” because that person doesn’t like the question. LOL. Get over yourself, ya know? What on earth do these people want to talk about then huh? Vapid nonsense? The answer sounds like yes! They do only want to talk about nonsense. In doing so, they miss out on all chances of deeper connection.
100 %
I think the key is to handle awkward questions with class and grace. And there are many ways to answer the job/career question generally.
My answer to 'what do you do?' I always answer lightly 'ohh is this a networking event?!'
I am from a place where people are very well known to be sarcastic. Whenever we are asked any question, we only give sarcastic answers. It is like mother tongue.
If someone asks me when my marriage is, I would say in a sarcastic tone - why, do you want to sponsor my wedding? That would do it😂
I love that you tackle the “what do you do” question. An MD. Friend introduces himself as a day labourer, partly to screen out those people who value you based on your occupation as well as to avoid being asked for medical advice. He is also helping the guys working on his house and says people have no idea how hard these guys work or of the skills they have.
I was especially stunned during “Covid” when total strangers were asking me if I’d been vaxxed
In my country nobody forced us to get the shots and we didn't have any lockdowns. We were as free as before. Just suggested to wear masks and keep distance. Some were and are still brainwashed though even here to believe in those "vaccines" and ask if you've taken them, and I've learned my lesson: if you don't want trouble with such people, just tell them you took the vacc. Otherwise they'll start pestering you with their propaganda and how "irresponsible" you are...
So just tell them you did😃👍
You can thank the government for that. They brainwashed the masses to believe the "dirty unvaxxed" were selfish and dangerous.
I know, I wanted to ask a similarly rude question like, "How is your sex life?"
@@pao6097 I loved that question and observing people jumping far away from you on the basis of your answer (yes
o doesn't even matter).... Those that asked me twice in particular, because my contro-question was "what if I bite you?"
@@alessiafaggian999 Ha ha Funny you said that. I actually did have someone jump away from me when I told them I wasn’t vaxxed. I did get Covid a few years ago but never got it again and they’ve had it a few times. Some “vaccine”. But I’m really getting off track - that’s not what this video is about. It only reminded me cause it is about total strangers asking you personal questions.
I am not well educated, I went to community college for a year and that’s as far as I got in receiving formal education. Classy, I am though 😊 I made the choice to become an exotic dancer in order to live a life without financial struggle, and not because I identify as a dancer. This question always haunts me and gives me major anxiety bc I know how people will perceive me and it’s not at all how I truly am. In a way it has been a blessing to repel people who do not want to really get to know me and build a meaningful relationship/ friendship. Anyway, I would love to thank you for teaching us your classy ways, forever a fan of yours 💖
My aunt always used to turn it around with…depending on the one asking…”Why do you want to know?” Or “ “Oh, why do you ask?” She actually did that to me once, and I boldly answered, so she told me what I wanted to know. I also saw her make people stutter over that question. That was a different era, but I’m sure even though it’s probably not proper, I would consider doing the same thing. I asked about it and she said “That is how we handle the people who put their nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Tweak the truth to set a boundary. Love that.
Loved this video!!! So relatable personally I’m extremely tired of what I think is the number one question people ask “ what do you do for work?” And the dreaded “why are you still single ??? “ I liked your advice on how to actually answer these intrusive questions that was helpful because I’m so tired of these questions!!! 😩😩
I love when people ask where I’m from.
Oh my gosh! This is a great video. I gave up my law degree aged 27 to care for my son who is blind I also have my daughter who is beautiful on the autism spectrum. A son who is 23 year old. So I am a carer and home maker and also on my own. I used to feel obliged to say! I am still myself and dress up. So people want to know what I do and where am I going?! I am not overdressed they are basic.. I tick almost all the questions, work, you’re so beautiful why are you on your own right down to my ethnicity! My faith teaches us not to overshare and keep everything private. As those who are blessed are envied and envy is real. Being born British I have always struggled on how to answer any questions as I am too honest and open. I need to learn these responses and apply next time. Thank you this is a great video Anna.
Unfortunately work represents a lot of our time. If we feel uncomfortable talking about what we do, maybe we should be in that meeting first and instead only attend social meetings with people who make us feel comfortable talking about different topics.
"what do u do?"I respond by smiling and then laughing softly and say "nothing much wabbout u?"
Anna, I have been watching you since the beginning of this channel. I must say your old as well as new content is really eye opening and informative. The new content in particular has elevated a lot. Thank you so much. God bless.
I very much agree with these and it’s a good reminder to be careful what I ask also. I notice in the US, people go straight to what do you “do”. Also with the family planning it truly is so personal and sensitive. When you say you don’t “want” kids like you mentioned people think it’s that you just don’t like them but it can be for a variety of personal reasons.. like for me it is medical conditions. So asking why someone doesn’t want kids is very prying! Both men and women do this!
I respect the compassion for humanity in this message.
When people find out you’re almost done with medical school, it’s almost always like a constant “what are you going to specialize in?”
why do you have to know???😒🤦🏽♀️
Someone is interested in you. The real question is why you have a Bad feeling about this. You should be proud of yourself and what you do. It is truely amazing.
“I’m sorry, I feel like a psycho saying all of these out loud” made me laugh so hard. This is why I just love you Anna 😂 elegant, smart, hilarious!
I understand the concern that people make assumptions about careers, but it’s a very common question in the US (and elsewhere) and is expected small talk. You don’t have to give extensive details, and a broad answer is fine, but a snarky reply would be rude, and you’ll just come across as weird if you ask why they want to know.
Another thing to consider is context - realistically, at a networking event or social gathering, attendees run in similar circles, so the education/class difference likely isn’t a factor.
The concept of class and the connotation of job types is not universal.
This.
My father always asked “what do you do for work “… I told him that it might be rude. He said…how will I make a connection? He didn’t care what people made, he just wanted to talk…
Omg you're such a saviour! You literally covered everything! 💯🙌🏻 I feel like I had a good, much required venting session! 😂 Tysm! 💖