Why You Feel Lost in Your 20s
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- čas přidán 2. 07. 2024
- In today's episode, Dr K explains the concept of a 'Quarter Life Crisis', why it's happening more, what could be the cause, and why it might actually be a good thing!
Check out Dr. K's Guide To Mental Health: bit.ly/3zjCqc2
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▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Introduction
02:40 - Navigating the crisis successfully
05:09 - The basic problem
06:44 - Stage 1: Locked In
11:57 - Stage 2 (A): Separation
15:36 - Stage 2 (B): Time-out
20:32 - Stage 3: Exploration
23:44 - Stage 4: Rebuilding
28:01 - Conclusion
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Im 25, I dont have a job. im not a student anymore, I dont have a lot of friends I feel so lost so lonely so stupid im just wasting my days
same dude, same
Dawg literally same. I _just_ dropped out of school
@@s.ivainesu yo sian is a dope ass name
@@jonathonthomas1255 thank you - that made me smile
same
In other words, there are 2 mottos one in their mid 20s should go by:
1- "fuck around and find out"
2- "fuck it we ball"
Pretty much. Here are some practical examples from my life. A typical Nerdy Gamer:
1. I was unemployed, got a shit job, got stuck there for 3 years. Finally grew a pair and went to study German (more like brush up on it). Fate rewarded me as Soon as I did that and a few months later I upgrade from a shit Blue Collar job (Paying like 300 Dollars) to a white Collar job (Paying more like 900).
I live in Bosnia so it's like upgrading from 1000 bucks to 3000 in monthly income.
2. I was a lonely Virgin forever, until recently. I grew a pair again and got into online dating. Now I met a bunch of cuties and am cruising through my romantic life with plenty of options, feeling way more confident, wanted and like much more of a "typical Man"
3. I could go on and on, but here are maybe some more relatable examples: Finally learning to swim and taking that plunge, finally learning to ride a bicycle as a kid. First time asking a girl out etc. etc....
The point is, folks, you're not meant to know all the answers right away. Jump in and start flailing around, you'll figure it out along the way
So I was on the right track with my motto being “fuck”
Rush B ?
We ball!
3.Nah, I'd win
Mid 20's? In a few months I will turn 30 and I have no freaking clue what is going on.
try being 50 and feeling the same... 😅
That is easy: yous imply drink to much. Am i wrong?
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
Don’t worry it doesn’t get any easier lol. Still feel that way at 40
@@Sh0n0ngmi
For those who feel lost in their 20s, don't give up hope. You still have plenty of time and you never know what will come around the corner. I didn't start dating until my 30s, started performing improv comedy in my 30s, started traveling more in my 30s. I believe in you.
bro im 34 and am still lost... in fact more lost than ever..
appreciate the kind words, was lost for most of my 20s and im starting to finally gain a footing at 28. it wasnt an overnight shift but it happened. but theres still a long way to go
What he means is, there's no expiring time for changing, if you want to write a best seller at 70 you can, and you wouldn't be the first one oen
Hell yeah bro :)!
I promise I won't give up!
That's so encouraging.
22 turning 23 and every single day for the past 3-4 years I've been stressing about navigating the world, navigating myself, understanding myself, worrying about my future. Every single day
Same, man. It's scaring me.
yeah i am coping with video games to empty my mind
@@pier4962 I can't even play games anymore, it gives me anxiety
@@pier4962 That’s probably what’s keeping you there, no? Feels like that for me, the more distraction I engage in the less time I have to actually progress and do things in life.
@@gavinp214 actually what is keeping me from progress is that whenever i want to study i have to have a youtube video or a stream play in background
quarter-life crisis
1. locked in (u find yourself trapped in a life you don't want)
an outward identity that conforms to adapt to the outside world, compulsive activities
2. physically or mentally check out of a relationship (oscillation between confidence and shame)
"i worked rly hard but i feel rly empty"
/ false id that is no longer working, ppl get stuck after having lost their extrinsic /
2b. timeout (u try to move back into life, make you old life work)
=>intentionally move away from your old life
=>travels, goes to a different physical location
=>take a step out of your life
=> sit with the uncertainty of "
intentional evidence of the past and of the future
""""im done w my old life""""
3. figuring things out
=>explore ur id
=>create urself
4. rebuilding
=>craft your external life to fit who you are on the inside
takeaway: if your life is not what you want, you need to change it
Thank you
what, im not the only one taking notes here?
Feels good. But it need lot of courage to leave your job... Everything and move to some other place...
For me when i was 16 i had an existential crisis. And almost died due to covid. I had no identity (because i was so young) it felt like an ego death. Dropped out of high school. After that my purpose was to improve health and later that decision snowballed into a better life
The main issue is that hard work used to get you somewhere. School used to guarantee a good job, which would guarantee a house, a family, and stability. Now school puts you in massive debt, jobs dont pay enough for even rent, a loaf of bread costs 10 bucks, the world is on fire, and getting a date is impossible. We've been separated from the value of our passion and labor by the sociopathic greed of the people who already own 99.99% of the world.
I find that it is difficult to explore and find yourself because the associated cost is so high. The education and experience requirements for jobs these days expect so much up front before you can even start, so making changes are so risky.
I have interest in tech, but am I ready to give up 4 years of school + 6 years of professional experience in engineering, with a pretty good career outlook for it? In exchange I have to spend 50k to go back to school, spend the next 1-2 years without income and at the end graduate and be potentially unemployed, fighting for an entry level position. The total cost and loss of income, assuming I am successful, easily exceeds 200k. In this economy that's potentially the difference between owning a house and having a shot at leading a decent life vs renting and struggling for majority of my adult life.
And after all that I may find that tech is better, or I may find that I was just too hopeful that the grass isn't greener on the other side.
What you described is simply not true. Job never guaranteed you a family. School more or less guaranteed a good job, but it's also the case today. And good jobs definitely give enough to pay for rent and more, seeing as the standard of living is steadily rising. The world is on fire, but it always has been. And about getting a date - it's completely on you. People date everywhere all the time, so clearly something works. The world is shit in a lot of aspects, but don't put all the blame on it, take some responsibility as well
@@iluxa-4000I feel like what "guaranteed a family" was at best arranged marriages, but that often didn't end up well. So yeah, there's no universal law that job=family. 30% of ppl in my country did neet their SO at work, but the relationship happened because of proactivity from the actors involved.
@@shadowstrlkeMight sound dumb, but I know there's a lot of tech certifications you can get if you're willing to study in your free time, as opposed to quitting your career and returning to college. Since you already have a stem degree with work experience, just supplementing your resume with tech certs, you'd probably have a good chance at landing some kind of intro job and working your way up.
Saving this
The fact that I listened to the beginning of this-- and felt terror at REMEMBERING feeling this way every day--- proves how far I've really come from that crappy place. Damn. I totally forgot how hopeless that felt. Stick with Dr. K. folks, exercise, meditate, do yoga, chill out.
Did self care got you out of the hole, or did it aid you in it?
@@peeteri95in my experience, it felt like I was cured for about a week. I was happy, content, fulfilled, felt like I could almost tell the future. The world was tangeable and anything was possible.
Over time that went away completely. The peak lasted a week, and then the feeling was totally gone by the end of 2 months. (it's important to note, I stopped meditating after feeling that. Had I had a continued, I might not have stopped.. Who knows 🤷♂️)
Now I'm feeling lost and on autopilot and useless and all the things Dr k talks about. Basically I'm more or less back where I was a yr prior to finding Dr k.
Thr big difference for me, is that this time I understand more and know more of what to do, so it's easier to navigate my life despite being sort of in a fog and on autopilot.
Hope that made sense and helps
My man started with reading a study and ended with an inspiring speech.
"But as long as you are looking for a guarantee, you will never believe in yourself" - that quote is just so perfect. This jumping into the unknown and surviving is what builds that belief in yourself, as Dr. K says. Because confidence is knowing that YOU ARE THE GUARANTEE. Because you don't need to know what will happen, you have all the guarantee you need. Yourself.
I felt lost with 26, figured something out by 28, now I feel lost again with 31.
About the same part of your life?
I was lost as recently as 6 months ago and I'm 33, but my toolkit is more robust now and I'm better at understanding my needs. It happens!
I don't know if you're familiar with manga solo leveling, but you are now officially double awakened
Congrats man
This is exactly where I'm at. I feel like I went through *a* crisis 3 years ago and I'm on the precipice of another one, maybe to a lesser extent this time
Me
I don't know whether Dr. K is getting better over time or I'm just understanding more. I've been watching this channel for exactly 2 years (and I watched A LOT of stuff), but this video was something else. Half way in the video I just like a epiphany, it clicked for me, this is actually the describstion of my life and I already knew what he was going to say later. It was my experience for the last 2 years. Thanks for everything you do at HG, it is truly life changing. There is hope guys.
tl;dr believe in yourself
I second this
Same
This video feels much more inspired than many of the previous ones.
The end was so intense... I was taking notes and literally did not write a single word as he finished the conclusion. This was such a great episode... I think for me, I might be on the exploration stage of the crisis. Or I can be in a weird limbo 2B stage, where I'm making small changes, but not taking the plunge to radically change my life.
I've always been very risk-averse and fearful. Each time I change the goalpost of my life, I scramble to sketch out a road to get me there. More than likely, I've limited where I set my goalpost to places that I feel like i can build a safety net beneath in case of failure.
Maybe this is a sign for me to admit that I don't know what I want. And that I need to start doing things without knowing if it will be worth it.
Same, it was a supportive kick in the behind to wake up that some people like me need to hear... even if we don't want to hear it since I've been wallowing in my depression, massive burnout pursuing a life I thought I "should" live (heavily influenced by society's view of what "success" is), the fact that I had to move back in with my parents, past childhood trauma, analysis paralysis, lack of a career direction and honestly not doing much to change my situation (combo of learned helplessness and freeze reaction) except for watching videos of experts, gurus and such telling me what to do. The thing is no one real knows what they're doing or has all the answers, even experts.
Looking for all the "right" answers of what to do for my career and with my life just makes me feel more lost and sends me trying to do 10 different things. When the answer is to changing is to get out there and do something that I'm interested in and working towards the kind of life I want. If the thing I'm interested in doesn't work out, yes it sucks but that's life, try something else, reflect and adjust accordingly. But keep going. Don't stop and give up even in the face of stebacks and think your life is over at 25 (or 35) that's how to get unstuck. This being stuck in a rut has gone on so long that I have no other option but to do something for myself, anything at this point. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Behavioral activation will help jump start getting unstuck.
"There is no certainity in life. Everyone is looking for 100% certainty and gauranteed outcomes - that's not life how it works."
All I need is this: Something I enjoy doing & can keep doing, an income that allows me to have what I want, time to do what I want, and a partner. There's literally nothing else that could possibly satisfy me.
Commenting so i can come back to this.
You do realize a partner is a time committment too right?
@@DeadpoolX9 I really dont see your point man
You didn’t need most of those things when you were 3. Seems premature to know for sure they won’t change again, no?
Not saying it’s a bad list, it’s quite aligned with mine, but just… why the surety? Seems a bit extreme.
@@khaledyasser8293 to be fair, he didn’t say that its all he would ever need. I see your point though
This video came at the exact right time for me! I've just quit my job and will be moving away from the UK after five years and back to Denmark and my parents, because it will allow me to spend a year where I don't have to do a full time job and can focus on exploring different paths, working on my mental health, and figuring out what I want now.
I'm feeling the exact things Dr. K describes of being lost in the mundane routine and not knowing what I want anymore because the plan I followed didn't get me to the place I thought it would. I'm completely burnt out. And choosing to leave this country, my friends, and the path I thought I needed to be on is absolutely terrifying, but hearing Dr. K validate the need for a time-out was such a relief, that I started crying on the overground.
I am fully accepting that this is a emotionally tumultuous time, but that it's still the right thing to do, instead of trying to continue to push through!
It would be helpful with some videos on ideas for that phase 3 looks like in practice or different ways you can approach exploring who you are now.
Going through a quarter-life crisis is one thing, undergoing it with depression on top of that is a totally different thing.
Some may even become hikikomoris because of it, so the scale is not the same for everyone.
I say this because I read a comment saying "I want to experience a quarter-life crisis" and I instantly thought "No you don't ... ".
Can relate I think I’m going through both at the same time and it’s scary
Going through the same thing + the physical health issues since 2013(since the death of my father). It takes the process longer. Without external support (financially) from mother. You are basically stuck without any financial support.
The pandemic gave me time to transition to phase 2-3.(leaving friends and the college degree my father wants for me)
Almost become a hikikimori after the pandemic. Discovering Dr.K help me started to crawl.
41 and I’m still lost. I have an MBA from a top school and I work in a grocery store just to barely financially survive. I know who I am and what I want and it still doesn’t matter because nothing I do ever moves me closer to that.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
capitalism fucking sucks
Rule number 1: you are not your ego. You need to forget who you are and what you want in order to truly find it. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet.
Sounds like you would benefit from doing something else. If the things you are doing is not getting you to your goals, then there are something that you are not doing right. I would recommend trying to find someone that is further along the route where you want to be, and tell them the same thing you just wrote. They can give you a more nuanced advice, which sounds like just the thing you need
do you think your expectations from the world and society are holding you back?
WOW. This video is unbelievably well timed. I’m 22 and this PERFECTLY describes the last couple years of my life. I have recently been in the stage of struggling to let go (of my college life that I checked out of, despite “patching it up” multiple times). But now, knowing that letting go is an integral part of the process, I can finally move on and give myself permission to explore without certainty or expectation. Thanks Dr. K.
@@HOBS_21 what would you like to explore?
same same brother
Wdym checking out of and patching up?
I'm 34, single and $50,000 in debt. Finally just starting to take a college course to get out of this factory job. It can always be worse man, 22 is young as hell..
Same. Didn’t realize I would be so attached to college life but I am lol😅 it was just so much simpler lol, and college wasn’t an easy time for me either so that’s saying something lol.
I went through my quarter life crisis in the years following the 2008 financial crisis and as hard as that was, 20-somethings now have it so much harder, not the least of which coming of age during a pandemic. I’m glad people like you are around, Dr. K. Hopefully we can make the world better for the young adults inheriting it now.
Saving this
yeah i graduated a month or two before the pandemic and I'm literally. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm doing all the things I'm "supposed" to do to get better, and after another year and a half wifh the mosr recent therapist and more and more useless meds my psychiatrist throws at me, I'm realizing it's all bullshit. Maybe therapy and meds work for some people, but not for me who's been doing it on and off since I was six because my fucking family was abusive and I was constantlt crying as a kid. And they wondered why I had anxiety!
I don't have friends. I hate my jobs and they make me more sad. I come fucking home from my stupid job after an hour commute and then have about three hours before i go to sleep and do it all over again. And I don't even sleep for 8 hours during the week, because falling asleep and staying asleep is hard even with meds. Fuck being an adult, imagine this the rest of my life and not even saving money for a house like my parents could. People treat me like a failure because god forbid I wanted to be an actor, someone who caught Broadway in Chicago's attention in high school. And yet, I'm too tired to pursue it like people with money because my stuoid fucking job makes me sad and drains me so much I go home and crash in bed. Meanwhile, other people who can afford to live at home or work part time or whatever can actually take more classes and audition/take gigs whenever they need to.
I'm too broken to date anyone with my PTSD too. I hate myself. So much.
Out of all videos I have ever seen on this channel, I think this one is by far the most impactful. I think so many people (including me) try to solve their problems in their mind, what this video has made me realize is that what I'm going through currently is a normal part of the process. Thank you so much for this.
Dr. K, without exaggeration - you've saved my life. You helped me to better understand myself, the world around me, other people and more. Something other psychologists and therapists failed miserably to do. Thank you for your work
I feel your words ❤
Im 23 and in phase 3 at the moment. I cant tell how much this video hit me. It feels like you know more about me than myself. Thank you for your content!!
24 here but same, although im about to start a masters in my pre-crisis career path. I recently realised ive checked out of what im doing and considered dropping the masters bc I don't want to continue this path but bc im unsure the next steps my parents want me to at least do the masters and I can see benefits to it but fuck, after watching this idk anymore
Dr. K once again reading me like a book. I graduated top of my class in Engineering, and already started feeling the crisis, unsure that this route was one I enjoyed. I landed a starting position at a company some of my peers could only wish for. Comfortably making money, found the love of my life, yet I’ve been stuck in stage 2A with my career for the past 2 years. I’ve been waiting for that guarantee instead of taking the leap into stage 2B, worried about losing my ability to afford a future I desire. This is a wake up call for me. Instead of trying to check back in, it’s time for me to join my mental and physical state together and craft my identity. And the craziest part is my partner and I have been talking about moving overseas, thanks for showing me I’m not alone, HealthyGG community.
This video might have just been what ive been needing. Been watching Dr.k for years now and all of his videos are great and help in some way. But to me personally this is what i needed to hear all along.
Its not about me needing to quit my addictions and figure all this crap out, its that i need a new life, to restart. Thank you Dr.k hope i can meet you one day to thank you.
This is so damn eye-opening, thank you so much Dr. K. This video made me realize that I'm currently in the 2B stage but going about it the wrong way because I keep reading endless books and watching videos and taking tests and talking to career counselors trying to make the perfect career decision, when I just need to give myself a time-out and take time to process and self-reflect. I genuinely don't know who I am right now and my focus should be on figuring that out, not trying to figure out the "perfect" career plan.
The point about physical separation is interesting, I used to be really into reading fantasy, and a common narrative trope is travel, the character generally leaves home to go on some hero's journey, and I assumed that it's mostly a useful narrative tool, it's easier to convey character change with there having literally been significant external changes. But, for financial and/or personal reasons, the "hero's journey" isn't available to everyone. How can one develop while staying in place?
Great comment. I echo this fully.
Because there isnt enough substantial change happening to them around them at home. Nothing changes fast enough you will always be surrounded by the same people, the same buildings, maybe a new business pops up... Travel is an immediate way to experience change
My guess would be variety? If you like libraries, go to a different library. Try different music, different parks, etc. Read on the back porch instead of in your room. Idk if that'll really be enough, but it costs very little to try.
I'm also wondering about this. For me, it's not just about money but also because I like my city (knew since I was young but my family only moved here a few years ago) and don't really want to leave it behind.
I'm not sure if it'll be as effective, but I think a good part is about trying new things and meeting different people. You could try some new hobbies and maybe join a community about them; Like a sports team, a literature club or a makerspace. You could also try to visit nearby cities and do things there, if you have a decent way to get there it could save you the cost of moving and the risk of losing your local connections.
If you can afford it, just taking a vacation in a different country can also broaden your cultural horizon and maybe give you new ideas and inspiration.
More often than not, the "Hero's Journey" is one we DON'T want to go on. That's part of what makes it a Hero's Journey.
Bilbo didn't jump at the chance to go with Gandalf and the Dwarves, nor did Luke when Obi-Wan offered to take him to Alderaan. Even the OG Odysseus had this problem. The trip home was only supposed to take a few days... not the high side of a decade of being bobbed about ocean like a toy losing his ship and men in the process because he unknowingly pissed off the wrong God.
However, it's important to remember that the "Hero's Journey" is a myth not meant to be taken literally but internalized spiritually, psychologically. Think about the stages you've been in your life, you proudest triumphs, your darkest nights... you're most likely already on the journey.
I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment on any video, but wow definitely writing CZcams in today's gratitude journal! This is an accurate description of the last 5 years of my life. I recently switched to the third phase, and your content gives me so much hope, thank you!!
That's was amazing...I'm in my checked out phase and moving towards my exploration phase. This resonated with me so much. A profound thank you to Dr. K and team.
Genuine question: wtf are you supposed to do during the "Time out" stage. I get the "jumping into the unknown and trusting the process" idea but like... In practice, how are you supposed to keep a roof over your head during that time? Not everyone is cut out to become a monk. What are other examples of things to do in that "meanwhile", when you're finding yourself? Because you'll still need to eat and pay utilities even after walking away from the "past life" that didn't satisfy you anymore. And I get that point of this "time out" period is to give yourself the space to actually find yourself instead of getting distracted by external things like a job or a course of studies that doesn't satisfy you. But how is this "taking time off" compatible with the reality of life under capitalism?
Then the advice is not for you. It's a luxury not everyone can afford. It's like those tutorials on how to get rich that starts with "invest 300k into this".
I guess it's either saving up the money to leave the job you don't like thus having the money to sail a bit, or timing out during vacation and day offs instead of just having fun and relaxing
I don't know, there's always something within your means though. I'm broke, my folks are broke. I couldn't afford to rent and desperately needed to leave. So I bought a van second-hand shoved a bed in the back, away I went. Haven't looked back. Lived all over my country. Been in heaps of different situations. I can tell you this, the video is spot on.
Have a bias for action and commit to something longer
When I was in the time out stage I worked jobs to survive but they were never career. Time out was in not chasing a career my parents wanted me to do. You still have to survive. What more the income made didn't allow for much so I had lot of time to myself to think about things.
18:32 Wow, this perfectly describes my current situation! Thank you. I think I swing between phases 2 and 3. While exploring new things, I experience joy, excitement, and comfort, alongside anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure. (I graduated with a degree in chemical engineering. At that time I felt like I was being tortured. Every day seemed to drag by without any relief. Then I realized this career path wasn't for me. So after graduating, I explored various fields such as sales, online handmade crafts, novel writing, and project coordination. Now I'm exploring a career in UX design.)
I still remember discovering you all those years back and using your videos to navigate my many mental crises. Now I'm 20 and I've been unknowingly going through my quarter life crisis, I noticed that things are shifting but I didn't know that this process has a name to it. The timing of this video is immaculate as always and I just wanna express how thankful I am that even now, when I'm moving into my new life, you are STILL here to help. I believe we're all gonna make it ♥
I never stop being amazed by how every new video doesn't dissapoint. Thank you
I already went through my quarter life crisis, I am more confident and mentally stable than I have ever been. Things came crushing down after I graduated. My mother shames me for taking 10 year between finishing high school and college. Feeling like a failure all over again from the pressure she puts on me and a refusal to help so there is fear of not knowing how I will pay my bills.
I never had a quarter life crysis. Because I am so smart, I just worked on my career, and now I am retiring at 32 with 2 million net worth to travel the world.
20 yo haven't completed my high school yet. I think it'll take me same as u. Idk what exactly is going on in my head.
@ZelenoJabko yeah right buddy 😂 I'm sure you're real
@@bigsmonk7428 yeah, real. I am travelling in Croatia right now. There are even more successful people than me, people who have sold their startups and retired with 10 million at 35.
@@ZelenoJabko only 2 million? You can do better
Could you PLEASE do a video on "Fear After Success". Every single time I have a guitar breakthrough, it is followed by guilt, shame, and FEAR. Micro-dosed imposter syndrome? I ask this because I fear that I do not deserve to succeed, as I question my free will.
You've been immensely on point for a while now, but it somehow continues to get even more on point
Your talks on adhd, changed me. It has made me more conscious of my faults, you called out all of mine. I feel more joy and more close with my family. It's still not easy, but, thank you.
This literally was my quarterly crises. I had a complete break down. Abandoned my career of 10 years. Moved to the other side of the world to go to medical school. Graduating this summer! Absolutely terrifying to to give up that old identity but so worth it.
This is probably one of the most impactful videos I’ve watched, and one I really needed. I feel like I always thought I knew what I wanted my whole life, I had a plan and a dream. So being lost later in life feels weird because I was so responsible, certain and ambitious when I was younger. I am now reasonably “successful” on paper, but not doing what I want to. I love owning a home, and not having to worry about $ making decent money at 26. I still don’t feel on track with my life at all, I feel burned out and incredibly sad. I have been chasing the way I felt when I felt on track when I realize that’s not me anymore. I can tell there’s a huge gap between what I do for $ and ME. But I feel like I have to have my whole future planned out like I used to, so knowing that’s not the phase I’m in is really helpful. It gives me a sense of relief, although I get scared I’m “wasting time” and “wasting youth” without chasing after the life I “want” or I guess the identity that I feel aligned with. I am trying to be okay with not feeling a sense of certainty.
If there is a video I've been waiting for, it feels like it's this one. This is life changing Dr. K. I was definitely stuck in stage 2 and always going back to my old life - the past 3-4 years felt this way. Thank you, I feel like I have a clearer understanding that I need to explore myself more and just jump in.
Thank you, Dr. K and your team. This is exactly what i am going thru. It's unbelievably hard, and i critize myself for doing everything that you've mentioned, but deep down i always new that I'm doing the right thing. And now i understand the exact fase I'm at (3) and it's such a relief. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I wish myself and everyone who's at this stage of life a successful and happy transition on a desired side and joy in figuring out your identity.
I just quit my job today, and found this video, it hits so hard to hear you describe this process and realizing that is like hearing you describe my life for the past 5 years. Your job is incredible.
I just jumped of the clif, i'm going back to university, i don't know what the hell is going to happen, but as you said, there is something inside me that tells me that I have to do this, or i'll be traped in this awful life forever. Again, thank you so much for all that aoe healing. Just wanted to share my thoughts
I've done the same thing! Graduated quite some time ago, accepted onto a masters last week, moving city too. We're getting moving, we gotta get stuck in. Best of luck :) !
Good luck you two🎉.
If you could just quit your job that you didn't like why didn't you do that sooner? I would quit my job but I would starve to death.
@@liu3chan for the exact same reason
Loved the passion with which you delivered this concept 💥
The last part feels so reassuring and powerful. Definitely will come back and listen to it when feeling hopeless in the future
I needed this so much. This very issue has been keeping me paralyzed for years. Thank you.
28 and living at home still (thanks COV!D, thanks economy, thanks government etc) and this video hits me right in my guts. I feel physically sick when I look at the proverbial clock and watch it tick my life away while I have to just sit here and wait for arbitrary things to happen.
29 here, same situation with added bonus of addiction (now resolved) and trust issues due to failed 10 year relationship
same. age 27.
Graduated then pandemic happens. Got Addicted to watching series,movies, and playing games, etc. during the pandemic. Still unemployed because I realize I don't really like it. Felt like I wasted years in the university for something I do not want to do.
What works for me is instead of finding/indulging on things that will make me happy. I removed or fix what makes me sad(ex. friends, social media, messy room, gaming etc.)
It is not overnight change(3 years) but it somewhat help me to look forward for the future. Now I'm on phase 3. Trying to explore my identity.
Hang in there. I'm 28 too and was living at home 6 months ago. I really strapped in and got my life together (atleaset more than previously). We all got this!
@@Katniss0000 I am currently in the same position. I got a degree in computer engineering and I got a job right out of college and I got let go because I could not perform and fell into a deep depression that I am still dealing with today. I have thought that I could not be happy if I didn't get a job using my degree, but I just feel awful and overwhelmed when I try to go back and look at software development or programming. I have been trying to figure out if that is because I actually don't like it and don't want to do it, or if that is because of my self esteem issues making me not believe I can do it. I don't want to feel like I just gave up on it, but at this point I already have given up on it. I can't make myself look at it.
This was the best video i have ever watched of Dr.K and for my life personaly.
All I want to say is Thank you. I really needed this video!
You've put my thought into words, and that's just priceless!
This 💯 hit the head of the nail for me. I have been in this process, recently reached step 2B. I love knowing what step 3 and 4 are and to actively move into it/anticipate it!
Good luck to everyone going through a quarter life crisis! We’ll make it out together! This too shall pass!!
It's not just a feeling, it's a correct assessment of the situation we all happen to be in.
Lol
It's the dizziness of freedom, brah
Exactly. The world is simultaneously becoming too expensive to live in and falling apart. Its more like how do you navigate a quarter-life crisis while the world is in crisis
Agreed. Some people will might argue with semantics in replies but yeah brother that’s it, and is what Dr. K is saying
Alok didn’t dispute that.
All he said is that you need to do something about it instead of waiting for the world to not fall apart.
27 right now, and I relate so damn hard to the "living on auto-pilot" and "momentum" bits, 12 minutes into the video. Three whole years of NEET life and counting, got myself a freelance project by joining up with a former classmate, yet I still haven't been really gripping on that rope to climb and get out of this rut, despite being so aware of this current situation I put myself into. I need to get an upward momentum going again and hug it tight...
I’ve noticed that quarter/mid life crises, nervous breakdowns, major depressive periods etc. usually happen to people with stronger than average thoughts, emotions and values (stronger personalities) because their internal world is much more likely to clash with their external circumstances
Ty very much Dr. K
I've been going through this for a few years now , and im eternally grateful for sharing your knowledge through the videos , knowing that what i've been through is perfectly normal brings me peace and tranquility for what's to come , ty very much
This was exactly what I needed to hear
Dr.k is amazing. Genuinely.
I am almost 20 years old. I am at the end of my 2nd year of electrical engineering, a path a chose not because I wanted it, but because it was "the least bad thing". At the end of the day, I got enough grades to enter it. And now, I am at risk of repeating this year.
For the last 2 years I have been living in a quarter life crisis, I don't know what I like, or what I want my career to be, only that EE is not what I want my life to be about. I realized I needed to explore, but the system does not make that easy, and nor does my family.
A thousand questions flood my mind and i have no answer to any of them. And the deconstruction of my faith didn't help either.
First I did feel the burnout. And this semester, like dr.k said, I went back to that same uni life. I tried to succeed but it's hard when you have giant knowledge holes from the last 2 semesters and not even the drive to attend the lectures in the morning. Not even the make up exams did enough.
This is an amazing video. The timing is impeccable. And although I still don't know what to do, with no direction, and a possibility of extending my locked in phase by a year, I will try to explore on the side, and to build more with that internal drive.
That final stretch of the video was phenomenal. Thanks Dr.k
Same man I dropped out of mechanical engineering, 20 yo now. Don't know what to do
same here. about to head into my 4th year as a physics major and honestly still dont know what to do after 2 years of being lost and almost failing. after watching this video i think i will try out more things this summer, just to see what i am passionate about, and if im lucky itll provide some sort of career for me. Best of luck to you op
You were me one year ago. I was one month into my fourth semester as an EE student staring at an op amp and realized i don’t want to do electrical engineering (to be more specific, i was so frustrated from sticking in a major i didnt like that i almost flipped my dorm room desk over). I dropped out of my major and my school the next week and lost my subsequent engineering scholarship. I spent a few weeks agonizing over my next career move and realized that i needed to drop how future/job focused i became. After that I realized that what i really wanted to do is study physics, and even if that career path is a lot less linear, i’ll make it work. (Granted, its physics, not underwater basket weaving, it still has decent job options). Now one semester into my physics degree and loving my classes and have passion for school again.
I don't know if there is a correct decision here, but i did push through a whole degree i didn't like at all. it gave me migraines and i was passing out all the time. i ended up doing random courses after and getting jobs on unrelated fields, but now i am working on something completely unrelated to my degree. Knowing what I know now I would have changed courses, even though my mom would be pissed off lol, but at the same time i wouldn't have known about what i like to do now if I hadn't been through that. Maybe I would be doing something I liked even more! who knows. but i would definitely be making more money, because if there is something that is true, is that pushing through studying something you hate will show up during the hiring process, as the other candidates are full of personal projects they did out of love, while i was barely enjoying my school work 😬 good luck to you guys!
@@carrie.m so you say you would make a lot more money with or without the degree? even when working in unrelated fields. This is what I didn't understand from your answer. I ask this because i'm thinking of restarting my degree or not... Thanks!
been absolutely lost since college. Parents urged me to go the college but didn't actually put pressure on a specific path, ended up majoring in Linguistics because I fell in love with the field. Got a Bachelor's in Linguistics, which I love the field but don't really see myself doing as a career. My parents helped me find a part-time, then later another part-time which ends up with me being split-2 days a week here, 3 days a week there. Feeling completely checked out on the earlier of the two, and the last one isn't a full-time position that I can transition into. I have no real skills, no goals in life, just a general sense of dissatisfaction that I wish there was something to direct me.
I'm now 24, still live with my parents and still feel like I'm an overgrown child. Been doing the first part-time since October 2022, and the second part-time since March 2023. I don't consider myself young anymore but I don't know what I'm doing.
Linguistics😅, same story here. I studied it because my parents wanted me to study something...I changed my career completely and learned nursing, which is hard, and its not for everyone, but at least it gives me independence.
Find out what else you can do with your education, maybe you can study MBA in some other area, like speech language pathology, or Linguistics for computers, continue exploring😉
One of the best videos I have seen in a long long time. Thanks Dr.K. I can't heal if I keep on from running away from my own fate
This is me. I'm a 26 year old part-time shop assistant. I'm a DJ, an actor and a writer in my spare time. I'm trying to change my career to something a bit more vocational, or at least something that doesn't suck arse, but there are ZERO opportunities anywhere.
i mean who needs a low tier dj, actor or writer lol. pick one and go all in or drop all of it and pivot into one thing all in.
@@phonixMAM Id argue one person can master all of those things Id also say youre unnecessarily condescending but you got your reasons I guess
@@phonixMAM Do you not realize how many fine arts people are multitalented? How about the directors who write part of the script and also play a role in the same movie, for one? Yikes, and double yikes for being rude to someone on this video of all videos.
@@Thealvita Having talent and being successful is so much far away from each other you shouldn't even put it in one sentence.
@@liu3chan Reading comprehension. I was replying to the person talking about "low tier" talent. I'm well aware of the difference. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In addition, one person's definition of success in the arts is different from another's. A working actor for example-most of us aren't multimillionaires, but many of us either juggle jobs and enjoy the gigs we get, or we make about the same as we would working one blue or white collar job. For some people, that's enough. For others, they crave only fame and may or may not be setting themselves up for disappointment. Capische?
Such a timing I was thinking I feel lost and I'm 20
Just relax and focus on a thing you're interested. Take it from someone in his mid 30s. You still have so much time, but don't let this cause complacency - you have to put effort.
I don't mean to offend you, but at 20 you are barely not a child anymore, your life is starting, please just relax.
Things that help me: exercise, yoga, meditation, avoid alcohol, focus on eating healthy food, but still having some junk food, let's say 5-10% of your daily calories can come from junk food.
DO NOT watch porn, just don't! Take it from someone who was basically addicted to it, it gives you nothing good. Avoid drugs, but sometimes they can help, you must have a healthy relationship with them, which is extremely hard to do, especially avoid alcohol, it's by far the most dangerous thing out there.
Studying, learning is the best thing you can do to yourself, but do not abandon your body, it's impossible to live a fulfilled life if your body is a junkyard rather than a temple... disabled people have it differently with this, but even they should look after what they got.
For me the best thing about training my body is that it improves my mind. I have many mental issues, and all of them get improved by exercise.
Anyway, sorry for the possibly unwanted advice, but it's done in good will.
"Take it easy dude, but take it!" - Terrence McKenna
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
Also 20 (i dropped out of collage 1st year), don't know what i wanna do or how to find out what i wanna do.
Same here guys! I'm also currently 20 years old
lol
Conveniently enough I've already finished the first 3 steps. Thanks for giving a better layout on the next steps.
Thank you very much Dr K, I needed this and I'm sure many others too. We'll grow from this discomfort and perhaps look back to our struggle - satisfied.
I'm 22. I went through a mix of depression and early life crisis which was absolutely painful and torture and now I'm on that other side. I've never felt better, he's so right!
At 22? Bullshit lmao
@@colbyboucher6391 Why would I lie...?
Thank you for posting this. I’m 23 and in my second year of nursing school. I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate and I’m weirdly excited to experience a quarter life crisis. Don’t feel like I’m at my full potential and I want something to push me towards it
I thought this guy was some internet guru, but his content are great and I'm glad for finding your channel and giving it a chance. Thanks!
impeccable timing on this upload. thank you dr k ❤❤
You always know exactly what im going through lol. I just turned 28. I have a masters and was working at a fortune 50 company. Got pushed out the door because I lost all motivation. Turns out I was having a QLC. Learned a lot about myself. Kinda between 2A and 2B atm. I feel so deeply that med school is calling to me and im having trouble ignoring it. Time to change!!
That was a great video, I am certainly in one of these phases. Your education has been invaluable Dr. K. Enjoy your vacation!
With this video, Dr.K just gave me a mental hug.
I fucking love this guy.
This was such a great and energetic video, timely too given that graduations just happened. Extremely helpful and inspiring. It's beautiful to see when someone unlocks the doors of others' expectations and figures out their next self-quest and how that brings so much self-confidence. It's what's beautiful about the HealthyGamer community too, it's not just Dr. K helping others, it's everyone helping everyone in their own way and sometimes, all you have to do is show up with a positive attitude.
4 years ago at 24 years old I tried ending my life. I was hospitalised and was diagnosed with BPD (I'd been previously misdiagnosed with Bipolar II). I stunted my healing by trying to go back to my old life and it took 2 years for me to accept that it's not working and start allowing myself to properly go through stage 2a, 2b and stage 3. Now I'm at stage 4, rebuilding, and I could never have dreamed of my mind being where it's at now. I've been here for a while and I can definitely say, everything in this video is true, it really is the story of my life. The resistance and attempts keep parts of my old life, the overwhelming anxiety of deciding to separate, the limbo of taking time out to look within and figure things out, the uncertainty of EXPLORING...it's all facts. So as you read this, if you're struggling in any of those stages, know this, eventually you do get to REBUILDING and it's insanely beautiful. I'm in film school at 28 and loving it. I've not had a depressive episode in over a year, BPD has beeeeen remission, even anxiety can eventually be manageable apparently (shocker). I eventually managed to quit alcohol a year ago, then weed 6 months ago and finally nicotine 3 months ago. I also have ADHD so of course I was addicted to substances. With the ADHD though, it's now become one of my favourite things about my mind because I've learnt to thrive with it (shamelessly plugging Dr K's guide for that one). From the lens of the darkness I was in 4 years ago, I never thought this would be me EVER. You might be in that darkness right now. Trust me, you can get out. It takes time, and people can try help you, but it's going to have to come from within you. You may not see how but eventually, if you take yourself through this process, everything (even the darkness) turns out to be worth it. Like Dr. K said, it's amazing...give it a shot and you'll see😉 p.s. shoutout to you Dr. K and your entire HG team
That's a very hopeful and cool story. Congratulations.
We need more people like you sharing these kinds of stories
>Me in my mid 30s
Haha I'm in danger
Me exiting my 30s, parenting six kids, the eldest who I'm supposed to be preparing for adulthood and I am further away from what I wanted and still want to do than ever.
Oh pewp.
yooo this was so helpful, realizing the way life is going is just a phase of something with explanation takes so much pressure of it
The timing of this video feels surreal This applies so heavily to my life the past several months. It was just yesterday that I ended up walking out and quitting my job (not the best decision, but it was something I needed to do). Finding this information is very reassuring and makes me happy to begin exploring myself and making a better future for myself. Thank you so much for this!
I did a speedrun of my quarter life crisis.
After graduating university, I found a shitty entry-level job. Went from unhappy at a job to checking out, to quitting, to flying to Europe, to exploring my intrinsic wants, to finding a new and better job in a new city that is more in line with what I want. This crisis started around 23 years old, and I'll be turning 25 next month. I'm still in the rebuilding phase, but it's a much better place to be than where I was at the start.
This was such a cool piece of research. Thanks Dr. K for finding and sharing it!
Need the same video for my 30s 😢
Need the same video for my 40s 😓
not kidding
Yes. Quite honestly I feel way, way more lost in my 30s than I did in my 20s.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
Close to 30 - but…
IDK, the more I think about this, the more I see that the same shit applies every time you have a crisis in your life.
Why struggle keeping up the status quo when you have the ability to check out and start anew.
But that’s my two cents about this - your life, you know way better what will work for you.
@@jesseissorudeare you actually 40 years old
I am in my early 30s. Thank you for talking about this topic. After watching I realized I have been stuck in phase 2 for years. It's really nice to learn where I am so I can move forward.
Discovered the concept of quarter life crisis and parentification last year, was hell of a year but slowly healing! We got this!❤
Gonna drop a comment before starting the video, will update or drop another once I’m finished watching:
Twenties are a really weird time, you’ve gotta find the balance between living your life recklessly so you can have all the great stories to reminisce later in life, but at the same time, work harder than everyone else to build your future.
Walking that line feels impossible in recent years
Update: this has given me a lot to think about, not sure if I’m at the point where I’m questioning my identity, more just questioning the plan that’s been prescribed from previous generations.
perfect video at perfect time, thanks doc
Dude. I can't thank you enough ❤ i literally spent the whole night thinking about this and i have said enough is enough and made my plan of escaping this loop of hate...then i saw your video at 6AM. Talk about nessages... Man i am so happy and proud for you and to everyone struggling out there keep your head up... you got this !
I love your vids, a bunch have helped me, but this by far is my favorite. The passion you speak with in this video is fucking inspiring, thanks for all that you do!
I am 27 and I can definitely see what parts of my life fit in to what category. The difficult part is that I feel like I am in different stages for different aspects of my life. Career wise, I feel like I am in the rebuilding stage. However relationship wise, I am still in the seperation to time-out phase. So I have been feeling the rough aspects of the early stages for a while now and for different reasons. This shit's rough...
I’m 22 and feel the same. Career wise I think I am in the separation stage but dating wise I’m already in exploration stage. Think the concept of being in different stages regarding different parts of your life is possible
Im pretty sure I completely understand and commit to the mindset of this video, but i still dont know how to navigate the monetary issues that taking the leap causes. The issue isn't the philosophy, its being able to commit to the philosophy while still being able to afford to live. Im not sure how to get around that issue.
I took the leap. Quit my fancy job. Didn't know what would happen next. Annnnnnd, my life fell apart. I lost my apartment and I am crashing on a friend's couch. Living off of food from the food bank. I'm in the time out phase I guess. I can say that I don't have it all figured out yet, but I am monumentally more happy than I ever was at my fancy pants job. I had everything on paper, but truly I was miserable. Now, from the outside it looks like I have nothing, but I truly feel happier. I have faith that soon I will be employed again, and I'll be able to get a new apartment and start building my life again. I just had to let my life fall apart first to make room for new things! I don't regret the leap, despite what my situation looks like. There have definitely been some hard moments, but I have learned a lot. I know your situation is different than mine, but I hope you take the leap! Good luck stranger
@@karalaughbaum1201 survivorship bias
@@andybreadley429 Maybe so. Ultimately, you don't know the full extent of my situation. I may be homeless next week. Or I could be gainfully employed. Who knows! I do know that some people have it better than me, and others have it worse. Just anecdotal experience from a person currently going through it. If you use catastrophic thinking as a basis to make all of your decisions in life, it's almost impossible to make a change. You have to be willing to take a chance, risk failure, otherwise it's easy to get stuck in life a you hate. I think it's important that we take calculated risks in life. I'm not advocating for impulsive decision making. But ultimately, we can't control what will happen to us, whether that be by staying in a job you hate, or taking a chance on making a change. I'd rather try than always wonder 'what if'. I don't say any of this to take away from your point, but to add to it, as it's a multifaceted topic.
After all years I've seen dr k videos. This is the best yet.
I'm 23 and have been watching you for around 3 years. I think this is one of my favourite videos you've made. I wonder if you could make more videos about each stage of the process and how to navigate them. Thank you!
I'm 32 now and I felt the desire to leave home and travel 12 years ago. Sick parents completely muted my desire to leave home, and when one of them died I scrambled to make just enough money to be able to live in that home.
Fastforward to today I'm in the same place with a worse job, horrible mental health, feeling just as stuck as ever. My loved ones and friends say I have great potential for this or that but I don't feel anything strongly and I don't care anymore. I want to leave but I feel obliged to the people I love and who are counting on me to stay. I'm swirling down the drain and I feel I'm about to drown.
Stay strong brother
"Change and believe in yourself" bro if I do that, and I won't find a higher paying job in 2 months after quitting, I'll be homeless, jobless and starving in a foreign country. Saving money isn't an option cuz I spend everything on necessities. I don't think your advice applies for everyone
There is no advice that applies to everyone
Advice from anyone on the internet is general, incredibly broad, and won't tailor to your specific situation.
@@globe00 Yeah, I understand it now, he is just so confident and expressive, like "here's what you're missing" kinda thing i guess haha
Probably one of the best video's you guys have done. Thanks for this
Your quote starting from 5:50 sums up my feelings exactly and it's weird because seeing my parents grow up I always knew that that was kind of the routine getting up early. Getting ready for work. Going to work, coming home, exercising and then starting over but I guess my family always made it seem cooler. I don't know it's a weird way to explain it
This is exaclty what I went through. Everyone, it will get better.
...Except for all the people in these comments saying that it really hasn't in their 40s
@@colbyboucher6391 you gotta put in the effort and believe
I'm 31 and I still don't even know what to do with myself.. how to find a good job, where to live, what to do that has meaning. I've never gone to college. I don't even know if I want children. Which that's kind of a big thing not to know, but I've been single for a minute and I don't want to work at Trader Joe's forever, it's difficult on the body. Not knowing, it's disappointing and frustrating that I don't even know what to do and where to go because I probably should know myself..
Hell. I needed this video. I know I'm on the right track, probably on the last stage or two. But the last year or two has been absolutely brutal. I'm glad the worst of it is over (for now at least).
As usual Dr K releases this kind of videos when I need it the most
Personally, I would love to see some content about living with a chronic illness and how to still make the most of your life. It ain’t easy and I feel like I’ve lost or wasted so much time.
Comfort zone is not always comfortable. Usually, it's quite the opposite
bro not gonna lie i found your channel like a week ago and im so glad that i did. the timing is insane as well because I think this explains a lot about my current situation. Thank you
I'm going through this, I'm in exploratory phase. This is 10/10 textbook--Dr K is totally right. I'm really loving learning who I am. But I'm also really grateful I have a good support system to help me through this
Guide me, Guru K.
I am fucking lost right now, inner guru not guruing
Correction: looks like the inner guru was guruing and I was questioning it :D
My 20s aint the problem, the 2020s are
Possibly the single worst kind of mentality anyone could have.
Blame anyone and anything else, but yourself
the way I look at stuff like this is, it is utterly irrelevant whose fault it is, what matters is whose responsibility it is, and that would be your responsibility in your case.
One of the most useful psychological cues is "can it be both?". Just alongside "is this true?".
Hey guys all im saying is i really didnt struggle that bad until precisely 2020 when all the bs started. So its pretty obvious. I got destroyed in 2 years and the last 2 was just pure survival
seriously the timing of this video is freaky. currently hovering around phase 2 ✌️ glad to hear it’s all part of the process.
i’d love to see a video going into more detail about some of these diffucult transitions and building a sense of self-trust. i can’t distinguish between which of my desires are unhealthy impulses and which are things that I should embrace.
This was... freaking amazing. Your best video so far thank you Dr.K!
His videos are getting better and better