Gaslighting and Infidelity: An Interview with a Specialist Part Two
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- čas přidán 27. 02. 2019
- Samuel discusses gaslighting and both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
I like that she acknowledges that at times we all gaslight. That's a key element in getting beyond kind of feeling guilty to think a spouse could do something like gaslighting. It's not awful to realize and accept they gaslighted you...because we all do it.
From there you can then move more objectively to looking at the extent of the gaslighting. Was it consistently done, was it done to enable an affair to occur or only to cover an affair after the fact, etc. Determining the reality of the gaslighting helps in dealing with the affair and the spouse involved in it in my opinion.
Truth. I appreciate those insights. Thanks.
Sarah needs her own channel! So much strength and hope found in her interviews. Thanks Sam
i'll tell her. thanks for sharing.
YES!!
Wow, she is amazing! Thank you so much, I can't believe how much I learned about myself and my current situation with my unfaithful, and that im not making all this up and its not all in my head like he always says. I too have recently questioned if im going crazy, if im losing my grip on reality, and now I know that im not, I know whats been happening. Again, thank you so much!!
This was extremely healing to watch and re-watch. No one understands the deep trauma unless you’ve been there. Watching this morning wasn’t necessarily re-traumatizing, but it helped me reaffirm how deeply this pattern wounds me and how committed I will be to keeping my heart safe. Boundaries are today’s vocabulary for “go and sin no more”. Not against myself. Not against any other human being. Thank you!!
Samuel, you hit the nail in the head about Pastors that don't understand...my pastor told me my boundaries were control, my anger was a sin, and my husband's infidelity was because he didn't know who he was in Christ. He also told me I am being judgemental...I stopped seeing him but my husband is still seeing him...he is all my husband has.
ugh,, i'm so sorry. run from that pastor that's for sure. i'm so sorry friend.
Been with my husband 30 years. He doesn’t see that he has a problem. I feel alone in trying to make our marriage work.
@@cropodile me too honey. 35 yrs of escalation. I watch the vids and just get triggered. I'm sadly more calm in denial.
Teresa Walter I know of three ministers who had the same belief system and gave the kind of council you received. All three where having affairs. All three where released from their position by the congratulations. Strange counsel can be found in all kind of places.
@@cropodile I too understand because I have been married almost 39 years. My husband was a gaslighter for the first five or six years of our marriage. I thought I was actually going literally insane. He was an complete sex addict. He is not acting out now for many, many years, but I was a young bride who knew nothing except to listen to my military husband and be the good wife. Forget that crap, I learned to protect myself quickly and fly under the radar around him or I would have ended up in the nut house for sure. He finally grew up and matured, thank you God.
Thank you again. Another discussion to study and learn from. This is helping me to understand the dynamics of the last year plus, including the immediate last week. I know I need to digest this, learn and go forward.
Wow!! 👍🏽🙌🏽👏🏽👏🏽 this is so on point to what’s going on with me and spouse. This hits so many areas. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!
Where i feel my gaslighting comes to play, is when I’m in defense mode 100% and I don’t mean to do it, its like it slips in, and then becomes a huge snowball rolling down a hill
Thank you for the hope of healing.....for both sides
very welcome dawn. thanks for always being so kind and encouraging in your comments.
Absolutely amazing! Thank you!
This is so good! Thank you! 🙏🏻✌
Thank you for your words Sarah! 💗
Thank you both! It helps me a lot ❤
Thank you for this!!
Great interview questions!
Unfortunately my wife isn’t willing to accept her hand in our demise,about 2 and a half years ago,even my brother in law actually had a go at her as HE picked up on her gaslighting of me,but was shut down by the wife’s sister
Samuel and Sarah thank you. 🙏🏻
you're very welcome.
Thank you to both…simply thank you.
Excellent thank you
Affair Recovery / Sarah thank you so much for the riveting interview. So much to obzorb but
now that I'm no longer in a relationship or affiliated with my once partner. How do I practice these things in isolation? I'm a bit of a hermit and don't have a lot of folks in my area that I associate with. But I'm picking up what your laying down and would like to know as much as I can about this. How could I do that?
i would go to her site and see about what help she provides. i would also read any books on the subject you can for info and help. also journaling to help you piece through the pain and hurt and clarity you need over time. i would also see about seeing a professional over zoom.
Not to say there isn't blame to be placed, because clearly there is, but I believe that "gaslighting" (maybe it's not exactly but it's along those lines, I guess I mean more added shaming) should also be addressed on the side of the betrayed as well. I as an unfaithful have dealt with this and it has added a ton of unnecessary grief to the recovery process. I understand that what I did completely destroyed and shattered my wife, but it started to get to a point that I was being shamed and attacked for things that I did that weren't wrong or even for trying to make things better using healthy forms of moving forward and being told I was making things worse and that I should feel wrong for even suggesting it. It's as if she was creating conflicts that didn't exist because she wanted more reasons and ways to hurt me, and I never understood it in the time of the general beginning of my recovery in the process. Being told I was wrong for instance about being addicted to porn, and that it was just an excuse to get sympathy from her, when it has been a struggle for me for over half my life and I never felt I could even think to seek help let alone eventually get it.
Is it possible for a marraige to restore after there’s been gaslighting in the area of disclosure especially, but when it’s happened the entire marraige (5 years). How does a betrayed person ever trust the partner ever again?
it takes expert care and expert help my friend. i would look at our courses at affair recovery like our ems weekend. it's vital when there has been that level of gaslighting. here is the site: www.affairrecovery.com/ and here is the ems weekend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend it's the best and only thing i would recommend with that level of gaslighting
Oh my gosh 12:00 and onward. Shaking my head. This is us. 😒
Thank you❤
Soooo good. Omgoldfish so good.
I really have gone back and forth arguing with my self about what I know.
lol “omgoldfish” that is so good ! 😁❤️
Not sure if this is a form of gaslighting,but it’s certainly manipulation,and I was so attuned to it,,however I let it unfold,as it wasn’t important enough to block it.
My wife has been obsessed with a certain bunch of people,her newish in crowd,and makes everything about getting to see them as much as possible,they are a little drive away,,I get ignored once out with this bunch,her Affair partner bailed,and this is kind of her new Limerent object,,,
We were going out for something to eat,and I was thinking of going somewhere local to us,I was suggesting places,but she was oh let’s go to this particular restaurant,now I do like this place she suggested,,but it’s near her usual haunt with her in crowd,,and I just knew she was manipulating so she could end up back with her buddies,,,she said nothing about that as she was trying to roll out the “oh we may as well pop in” once she had secured the location,,,,so ok I really do fancy the place she suggested,and I thought nope,I will play her for a while,,,I suggested several places more local to us,,,and her desperation to covertly manipulate was evident,,”oh they have that lamb you like,and other little bait suggestions,,,I was actually laughing inside,,,,,so then I agreed,as I wanted to go there anyway,,,wasn’t keen on where we were bound to end up,,but deemed the meal was worth it,,,,,once she thought she had manipulated successfully and we were by then nearing the area,,,,”oh maybe we could nip in Blah for 10 minutes before we come home” “Just one drink” it’s never one drink,it’s never 10 mins half hour whatever,,,,,,,,it was such fun watching her tap dance,,,,,I did it again after our New Year’s Eve gig,,,,,,with her “Oh would be lovely to see the lads they are nearby” half hour one drink turned into 3 hours,,,but at least I’m getting my own fun out of her transparency,,,,she thinks she has me manipulated and her invisibility cloak is working.