I like how half of these are "This precious baby is a functional member of society who likes to get drunk on the weekends" and the other half are "This man is an absolute psychopath with no redeemable qualities and ate 6 astronauts in 1978"
Okay, but for real, spending a paragraph describing how stupid and vain Pidgeotto are and then ending with "They're also US congressmen" is unironically hilarious satire.
I'm American and some of these had me legitimately crying from laughing Fitting time stamp - 9:11 "Blastoise are often used to disperse protesters" - if America had Pokemon, politicians would 100% have a Blastoise.
@@Kyle49840 To be fair, it's not far off from the truth. Most of them are like startled birds that have no idea what they're doing, they squawk at each other and fight constantly. God this is hilarious
This feels like a real Pokemon book from the Pokemon universe, written by someone who is not an actual Pokemon professor so he just bases himself on told tales and word of mouth. I love it
Headcanon: Sylion is a Eevee who's adicted to Sailor Moon. The male ones are the type of weeb who is on 4 Chan 24-7 and making MLP Rule 34, while the females are happy go lucky to hide their crippling depression.
@@alexreid7386if you think about it, beating a Yamask to an inch of his life and then standing under a super specific rock formation in England. It doesn't sound too incomparable then.
@@alexreid7386 And other batshit insane entries. Skeledirge's bio in Violet goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
@@xavierwalko4175 Lol yeah, the Pokédex is weird about temperatures sometimes. Magcargo is literally hotter than the sun, so everything around it should be absolute toast.
Hearing a middle aged Russian father's passive aggressive anger, and serious love for this series al the way back from the 90's: is not something I expected. But I'm so glad this found me. This is heartwarming, puzzling, and hilarious at the same time. "Charmander drinks gasoline every day, and if not, alcohol. They get very drunk and fall down" "EVERY SIINGLE Wartortle is registered with the police, and are skilled with a wide variety of fire-arms" "Blastoise is used to deter protesters" Oh my god. Someone needs to remake the anime into this man's vision.
The dichotomy of a dad wanting to entertain his kid, and a dad writing a Caterpie having an existential crisis or Butterfree beating animals to death, is something.
I love how the Poliwag line starts out like an actual Pokedex entry, living in rivers and being fished for by trainers. Then it just immediately turns to wielding sub-machine guns, overthrowing Haiti, hoarding missiles, and driving pleasure from torpedo fire.
I feel what makes this so unique is how it portrays Pokémon as the fair folk, sometimes friendly, others hostile. From this point of view, it's pretty interesting
@@iponce2 I just want to point out that in the 1990s and 2000s, journalism in Russia was really quite questionable. Usually journalists were bought by some oligarch, and those who were honest and had principles were killed rather quickly.
@@hisaceinthehole3426I imagine he was working with a Pokedex handbook and a rudimentary knowledge of English. He just decided to make something funny instead of translating it into Russian
@@AbsolXGuardian I guess that makes sense, but I have to imagine that a lot of the lifestyle and political jokes and racial politics were going to go over the kid's heads.
his daughter was a fan of the show, so i assumed he caught a few episodes (explaining how he'd bring up things that seem related to specific moments in the show, or team rocket)
I like the acknowledgement of progression between evolution forms. A lot of pokedex entries treat the different stages of evolution almost like they are separate creatures from the other stages, but here, the author explains how their personalities change as they evolve or treat it like actual progression through their lives. Even if it is very goofy...
i love how this guy is so concerned with the education and employment of pokemon. He doesnt even seem to think of them as animals, saying things like "they don't know multiplication" and "they work at supermarkets" but then also saying they will attack you unprovoked and eat snails
to be fair that's not far from normal pokemon. mr mime, chancy in pokemon centers. those monkey ones that work as a moving company as the start of one of the games.
I like how half of the entries will start off pretty normal like "this pokemon loves almonds and plays board games with its tail" and then devolve into complete insanity like "its also the cause of the kashmir conflict and spews hate speech at construction workers"
I think one became president. I'm no democrat, but I miss Obama 😢 Been too long since we had a decent one without, well.. Guy could speak. He looked and sounded like a prez, and actually had a great sense of humor.
It was a HUGE honor and a great pleasure to work on this project together with you, and I want to once again thank the whole team for a fantastic job! 🙌 Researching all this was so interesting and I'm happy that we were able to bring this obscure Pokémon lore to fans! Everyone, I hope you enjoy the video! Trust me, strength was required not to die of laughter while translating all this haha!
Хей, у тебя получилось очень круто передать оригинальный юмор! Это огромная работа, ты молодец с: Я тоже всегда считал, что весь остальной мир обязан увидеть наш безумный вариант Покедекса, и благодаря тебе теперь так и случилось :)
it's oddly charming to hear that a father did this for their daughter and just the glimpse into their thoughts about the pokemon and how they would tie to society, thank you for the effort of making this video and all your efforts to translate and such
I love how all these get one specific Hobby like "With its sharp claws it rips off its enemies throats and feasts on their blood. Also it likes to make pie on the weekends"
These are hilarious and amazing, but also, these have really convinced me that the idea of pokémon all having full human-like lives instead of being closer to animals is an idea with tons of merit that's super compelling.
I love the idea of Nidoking being this big scary monster that peole run and hide from, slaughtering livestock by the dozens and smashing 2 story buildings with its tail, then here comes Ash with a little wooden brush, scratches the right spot and all the sudden it's docile as a Pikachu.
Elon Musk, a vessle for Arceus itself, hires them on mass so they kill each other instead. Also has female Nidorans running Twitter giving him the worst advice.
I was thinking about it on a walk today and I think that it's decently reasonable that whoever was writing this was writing them less as the elemental animals that they are and more as something like the anthropomorphized animals that exist in fairy tales and parables and stuff like that. Like less animals and more standins for aspects of human nature. Some are unambiguous political / social commentary, obviously, but
What I love about this Pokedex: 1: How every Pokemon has trivial hobbies and ways of life. 2: Others are used in society by their own choice without any reason. 3: They have specific religious and beliefs.
It's especially funny because in later games, the term "Indian Elephant" is replaced with Copperajah in dex entries, which makes Gastly's entry make no sense as Copperajah is immune to poison.
Oh, Primate dies of it being pissed and then is too angry to die, Cofugrieus Mmummifies it's trainers, and the dex entry of Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit." So these aren't that far off when you think of it that way.
As goofy as these descriptions are, this is one of the most charming and sweet things I've ever seen someone do for their kid. And some of these are really fun and creative, too. Can't believe I didn't know about this sooner
There are some legit great worldbuilding ideas mixed in here (in between this well meaning dad's hot takes) like Bellsprout being used for anasthesia, Alakazam working on space stations, & Kingler recycling shipwrecks are just a few standouts
I actually love the idea that Fearow don't really age, or extremely slowly. And a geodude chiseled into the shape of a roman statue, still just being a geodude Also love that Psyducks are just the average historical writer whose works shook the world... after their death
I get the impression that anyone who knows this author really well can identify actual people some of these descriptions are based on. It feels like a lot of these are local town gossip, unresearched hearsay and stereotypes, and responses to his daughter’s random questions about Pokemon. “Daddy, do you think Ponyta loves Pikachu?”
I became so desensitised to how ridiculous some of these were that by the time Vaporeon's entry came up saying they were Eevees with alcohol addictions I was just went "sure, why not?" and treated it like a normal thing. Also I am shocked that the Hypno entry was more tame than the actually entry.
I can actually explain why Vapoereon is an alchoholic, in Russia if we wanna say that person is drank we say he is blue, and Vaporeon is blue, so its a clever joke
I don't know why, but his style of writing and his humor really reminded me of how Douglas Adams, author of The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, used to write. Specially the existentialist Caterpie
8 months later and I came here to say the EXACT same thing - the randomly specific references about public figures/philosophies/countries and the sense of comedic timing feel very much in line with the vibe of H2G2 entries
I love how it has the same energy as one of those medieval texts about exotic animals the author once heard about, I could also see some of the personalities working in a Mystery Dungeon type scenario, like Venonat picking up radio waves on its antennae and therefore becoming conspiracy theorists lol Edit: Russian Grimer is my spirit animal
@@SlimeBlueMSit's a big metallic object that can shoot metal spheres Canon is a term that means that the fact is unobjectionable and true to the fictional world of a book/movie/game
Dmitrii Gorchev is actually a well-known writer who became famous because of his Livejournal. His style is postmodern with a lot of absurd humor. So there is a chance that this Pokedex was a joke from the beginning. At least he knew what he’s doing with his illustrations.
Saying there's "a chance" that this was intentional isn't giving the author and illustrator enough credit. This isn't a "so bad it's funny" kind of bootleg - it's superbly written. This isn't the kind of humor someone can make by accident.
As a Russian, I had absolutely no clue this was a thing.. I dunno if that thing is a joke or not, but I’m actually kinda proud of it😅 Edit: I hope somebody makes a romhack based on these entries
“Most Sandshrew can’t even count the claws on their own paws, even though they only have 2” Sandshrew have 3 claws on their front paws. Is the author secretly a Sandshrew?
If you've played any if the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games, that's actually not far from the truth. It's just that they don't talk to people, just other Pokémon.
@@howlrichard1028 I did, but... in mystery dungeon it's a bit more grounded, I suppose? one Kangaskhan chose to open a storage, and other kangaskhan just live their lives elsewhere... Kecleon is the only example where an entire species is dedicated to a job, which appears to be more so the direction this pokedex often takes.
He turned them into Digimon so much that he turned the Pokédex into the Digimon Visual Encyclopedia. Only it’s weirder because Pokémon are chattel while (most) Digimon are people and treated as such unless they arbitrarily aren’t. It’s weird how one of the Digimon that is supposedly one of the mindless ones was the evil genius villain for an entire strategy rpg series.
I love how Alpharad acts horrified and incredulous when reading about Haunter and Gengar eating souls like that would never happen in the real Pokédex entries. The Litwick line, anyone?
Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit." Cofiguegus mummifies it's trainers Mimikyu kills you with it's looks and Bewear with it's hugs. Pokemon is fucking insane.
A lot of these could be actually used for Pokedex entries, especially on gen 1. Heck I wish some where, many of them have very cool concepts, like Ninetales using their tails to fly and being mistaked for shooting stars. It's also so sweet how a father did all as a gift for her daughter :)
Gotta love how for the one Pokemon that's specifically designated as female, this Russian dude was like "they're toxic liars who sit around eating cake and lipstick and reading fashion magazines all day" In a book he wrote for his daughter
It’s very easy for me to imagine how this was pitched to Alpharad “Hey wanna read a full Pokedex out loud?” “Probably not, why” “Blastoise are used to quell protests in Southeast Asia” *brain misfires “Waitwha-“ “Rhyhorn watch Mexican soap operas and when they’re done they set out to kill” “But-“ “Dratini run the Italian mafia” At this point Alpha’s bit-seeking nature just, probably took over and before he knew it he was halfway through reading about Mankey pretending to kill Terrorists in Nepal
Best buy recruiter: sorry mewtwo but we cannot hire you. cause of your.... Mewtwo: deletes recruiter replacement recruiter: you'll make a FINE computer salesman, when can you start?
It's impressive how well all the footage matches what's being talked about. That's way harder to do than it looks. I can't imagine having to scour the show for all of these incredibly specific shots.
How can it turn so horrific yet still be so cute? They'll tear apart anyone, but also enjoy eating branded gum and spend time helping at kindergartens.
I want to see the gang ran by a Dratini, a Charmeleon, and a guy name Gosepe >.> I love that this pokemon gang, run by a pokemon, just has an italian guy involved. he probably makes them all spaghetti for dinner, and has a gun
This is some of the most insane stuff. Two hours of listening to Pokédex entries that talk about Pokémon taking jobs, doing drugs, extorting crab sticks... and knowing that it's all the work of one man who just wanted his little girl to be able to enjoy Pokémon, it's honestly kinda wholesome, even considering the nature of the dex entries. This was quite the laugh and I love knowing this is a thing. :)
It’s funny how it starts out with Bulbasaur, and it’s like “yeah… this isn’t quite Bulbasaur, but it sounds kinda like a pokemon” and then it becomes progressively clearer that the author has no idea what Pokémon are. It’s like if someone wrote pokedex entries for the pokemon Julia from Drawfee draws
I love this so much i want to find one. This is COMPLETELY UNHINGED. I learned so much about the author. He clearly loved his daughter and watched episodes with her and listened to her talk about the games. It just feels like he's a traditional, conservative boomer type with specific opinions about journalists, protesters, and the Chinese. But this is so outrageous. I was NOT ready for jynx just being a gypsy or dratini. Multiple times i almost choked on my drink. What a magnificent ride. Also his humor is glorious.
I like these pokedex entries, it makes me feel like pokemon are assimilated into human society on a deeper level which in-turn feels more realistic and relatable.
I'm only ten minutes into this. It says a lot about what it must have been like to grow up in the USSR. I can't help btu notice dystopian societies output people with a distorted sense of humor. What a gift this is.
Holy moly, this is literally only the SECOND time I've heard of anyone confusing Electrode's eyebrows as antenna!! The first time was all the way back in 1997 when some kid tried to tell me they knew everything about pokemon. LOL It legitimately sounds like someone in their family had to have had one of these books! XD
I like how there’s no sense of like… a theme or progression in some Pokémon’s evolutionary lines. Like, Cyndaquil is a panhandler, so if gamefreak was making it, maybe it would evolve into a street performer or a pickpocket. Instead, “Quilava fights for Justice all over the world.”
If you started reading some of these Pokedex entries to someone, without explaining who wrote them, I'm certain they'd be able to tell that this was written by someone who grew up in the Cold War-era Soviet Union. So much commentary on espionage, drinking, gambling, foreign militaries, rich exploiters, grumpy old people, gold-diggers, and SO much mockery and hate for journalists and philosophers. I laughed so much at all of this. To each and every person who helped this amazing Pokedex get to me today, thank you. May all of your life's ailments be healed by benevolent Dragonites and Chanseys. Or by the touch of an Articuno's tail, if that's more convenient.
@@zacharyyoungblood7013 That could even be a reference to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Or... something. (When I'm not feeling so sick and feverish, I may watch this video again and check what it says there.)
You can tell he was pissed off by certain other people and ethnic groups like Americans and Gypsies and local animals and stuff. Then he just simply anthropomorphized them.
I really like the Seadra Pokedex. It really paints a picture of an old tired Seadra talking of it's former romantic conquests all around the world, and now it eats garbage from cruise ships, I teared up a tad.
I love how much the author shines through in the descriptions. I know so far that he hates millionaires, political corruption, weak men, and loud car alarms 😅
Also against gambling, but likes drinking, and reads the newspaper. Possibly a smoker or around smokers a lot as well - cigarettes come up quite a few times.
To me, he sounds like a pissed-off communist a mere 10 years removed from the collapse of the Soviet Union. Like he had a life, and it was taken away. So he blames people, broadly.
@@KelsieJG__they-them Don't forget that this was intended to be published. Smoking and reading the newspaper may be peculiar traits in 2023, but these were everyman traits in 90's russia.
То чувство, когда даже у нас нет обзоров или каких-либо видео по поводу русского покедекса. Офигенное видео :D Вообще, даже жаль,что Фэндом покемонов не популярен в России... Не было ни игр толком про покемонов, а геймбой был редкостью в нашей стране в 1990-х и 2000-х. Спасибо автору за классное видео!
What’s the most insane about this is that some of these almost make sense for the Pokémon they’re about, at least partially. Like…. IDK why but I can just totally picture Dragonite as this super strong but super chill dragon beast that just spends its time taking care of the disabled or Drowzy respecting people that kick it in the stomach and avoid its hypnosis!
On the one hand, this is very sweet and wholesome that a father would put so much effort to make something based on his daughter's love for Pokemon. On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL!?
I like how half of these are "This precious baby is a functional member of society who likes to get drunk on the weekends" and the other half are "This man is an absolute psychopath with no redeemable qualities and ate 6 astronauts in 1978"
"They are wanted in 78 countries for their crimes against humanity. They often works at journalists"
Cloyster is on heroin
It's so much more than that. The social commentary is insane! What an intelligent and creative man.
And Russian Machamp is an absolute Chad
@@poweredman I feel l already know all about Russia!
Okay, but for real, spending a paragraph describing how stupid and vain Pidgeotto are and then ending with "They're also US congressmen" is unironically hilarious satire.
The notoriously stupid Pidgey who all become journalists and businessmen is even better.
I died laughing and had to rewind just to make sure I heard that lol.
Those kids must be so confused when they realize all our congressmen are pidgettos, just in human form.
I'm American and some of these had me legitimately crying from laughing
Fitting time stamp - 9:11 "Blastoise are often used to disperse protesters" - if America had Pokemon, politicians would 100% have a Blastoise.
@@Kyle49840 To be fair, it's not far off from the truth. Most of them are like startled birds that have no idea what they're doing, they squawk at each other and fight constantly.
God this is hilarious
"Alakazam are absolute bastards" should be in the official Pokedex. I am so happy this exists.
@joechristman6019 - it totally does seem like it would exist. Alakazam are like evil wizards who can shut their conscience off at will
This feels like a real Pokemon book from the Pokemon universe, written by someone who is not an actual Pokemon professor so he just bases himself on told tales and word of mouth. I love it
its russian propaganda. their government probably bought rights to the game.
This is the pokemon equivalent of the golden plates.
It's better lets be real
a book written by the town drunk
I like to think this was written by Jessie and James after they retired, and they called it the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Pokemon.
Outside Russia:
"Eevee's a fox!"
"NO! Eevee has to be a dog!"
"I'm pretty sure Eevee is a cat, guys!"
Russia:
"Eevee is squirrel."
And vulpix and ninetails are horses
And Vulpix and Ninetales are horses, apparently XD
My dad used to call pikachu a squirrel.
Headcanon: Sylion is a Eevee who's adicted to Sailor Moon. The male ones are the type of weeb who is on 4 Chan 24-7 and making MLP Rule 34, while the females are happy go lucky to hide their crippling depression.
Eevee’s a hybrid of most, actually.
Paras needing to kill an entire Miami life insurance company to evolve is maybe the most niche evolution trigger yet.
I think it's second only to Galarian Yamask lol
@@alexreid7386if you think about it, beating a Yamask to an inch of his life and then standing under a super specific rock formation in England. It doesn't sound too incomparable then.
@@Nitosa Lol ikr, wacky Russian dude accidentally kinda predicted the weirdness of Galarian Yamask's evolution
@@alexreid7386 And other batshit insane entries. Skeledirge's bio in Violet goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
@@xavierwalko4175 Lol yeah, the Pokédex is weird about temperatures sometimes. Magcargo is literally hotter than the sun, so everything around it should be absolute toast.
Looking at the Russian Pokedex is the equivalent of reading animal descriptions from medieval times.
true lmao
Hearing a middle aged Russian father's passive aggressive anger, and serious love for this series al the way back from the 90's: is not something I expected. But I'm so glad this found me.
This is heartwarming, puzzling, and hilarious at the same time.
"Charmander drinks gasoline every day, and if not, alcohol. They get very drunk and fall down"
"EVERY SIINGLE Wartortle is registered with the police, and are skilled with a wide variety of fire-arms"
"Blastoise is used to deter protesters"
Oh my god. Someone needs to remake the anime into this man's vision.
"It turns out there's no need for philosophy if you've got huge pincers" is a godlike fucking quote holy shit
Spoken like a dummy
LMFAO i almost died xD
The dichotomy of a dad wanting to entertain his kid, and a dad writing a Caterpie having an existential crisis or Butterfree beating animals to death, is something.
Quite a bit of it is thinly veiled social commentary that would fly over most kids heads. This guy really hated journalists.
Man, that string of letters is wild, fao
@@codycrawford7842 I know it's hilarious
@@codycrawford7842 I don't think it would fly over anyone's head. This is the least subtle social commentary that has ever existed.
@@uberculex It would be the first time a 8-12 year old might be introduced to some of these concepts but that actually makes it effective propaganda.
I love how the Poliwag line starts out like an actual Pokedex entry, living in rivers and being fished for by trainers. Then it just immediately turns to wielding sub-machine guns, overthrowing Haiti, hoarding missiles, and driving pleasure from torpedo fire.
you love russian propaganda then
@@electricearth1101grow up
^ dude above me is odd but I am NOT gonna reply to that
the first reply is the most low quality bait I've ever seen. 144p bait
@@kellymountain lower quality bait than a bare fishook
I feel what makes this so unique is how it portrays Pokémon as the fair folk, sometimes friendly, others hostile. From this point of view, it's pretty interesting
It's also interesting how this chooses to focus almost exclusively on the Pokémons interactions with humans.
All I know is I would have a charmander be lighting my tokes and cigs save so much money on lighters
To be honest, as crazy as all this stuff is, it's pretty impressive that this guy made fairly extensive backstories for ALL Pokémon.
Imagine someday he or his daughter is gonna make these backstories for all the 1000+ Pokemon. This would be so cool imo
Ones that reference each other, even
What wouldnt a father do? 😊
A really nice thing to do for your daughter too. What a good dad
Considering the directions it goes: some make sense and others are actually accurate
The dad energy is real. Weird polítical takes, questionable moral lessons and nonsense humour. That russian dad hated journalists
felt more like he hated tabloid journalism, but maybe the distinction doesnt exist in other languages? "Journalism" felt vague, nahmeen?
@@iponce2 it's russia, journalism is either tabloids or propaganda
@@iponce2 I just want to point out that in the 1990s and 2000s, journalism in Russia was really quite questionable.
Usually journalists were bought by some oligarch, and those who were honest and had principles were killed rather quickly.
@@user-xi5lx7fu2y ...what's changed..
@@BoblopZmuda Now they are either put in jail or forced out of the country.
And sometimes killed.
The crazy thing is the author managed to sprinkle actual consistent Pokémon factoids in with the great satire. Like Rattata being prey for Fearow.
Or mewtwo's entries. Like, did he actually do research or just got lucky on some of the entries?
@@hisaceinthehole3426I imagine he was working with a Pokedex handbook and a rudimentary knowledge of English. He just decided to make something funny instead of translating it into Russian
@@AbsolXGuardian I guess that makes sense, but I have to imagine that a lot of the lifestyle and political jokes and racial politics were going to go over the kid's heads.
his daughter was a fan of the show, so i assumed he caught a few episodes (explaining how he'd bring up things that seem related to specific moments in the show, or team rocket)
I like the acknowledgement of progression between evolution forms. A lot of pokedex entries treat the different stages of evolution almost like they are separate creatures from the other stages, but here, the author explains how their personalities change as they evolve or treat it like actual progression through their lives. Even if it is very goofy...
i love how this guy is so concerned with the education and employment of pokemon. He doesnt even seem to think of them as animals, saying things like "they don't know multiplication" and "they work at supermarkets" but then also saying they will attack you unprovoked and eat snails
I mean, that's Russia for you.
to be fair that's not far from normal pokemon. mr mime, chancy in pokemon centers. those monkey ones that work as a moving company as the start of one of the games.
In some parts of Asia, people do eat snails
@@obiwancannoli1920 more like the rest of the world namely French cuisine.
@@obiwancannoli1920 those "people" are called fr*nch
That bit about charmeleon being substitutes for light posts in rural towns actually sounds like a real dex entry
Same with Butterfree being mailmen. That sounds adorable
I like how half of the entries will start off pretty normal like "this pokemon loves almonds and plays board games with its tail" and then devolve into complete insanity like "its also the cause of the kashmir conflict and spews hate speech at construction workers"
I find it funny you can tell which designs the dad liked because they all have something like "handsome" in their description
15:06 The abrupt leap from Pidgeotto dying in agony to "Several Pidgeotto are United States congressmen" was too much for me to handle...
I'm surprised that bit didn't also include "this is where the term 'bird-brain' comes from."
@@Barracius There is no saying like that in Russian so that makes sense.
I absolutely lost it at this.
I think one became president. I'm no democrat, but I miss Obama 😢 Been too long since we had a decent one without, well..
Guy could speak. He looked and sounded like a prez, and actually had a great sense of humor.
@@LegendStormcrowno one asked
It was a HUGE honor and a great pleasure to work on this project together with you, and I want to once again thank the whole team for a fantastic job! 🙌
Researching all this was so interesting and I'm happy that we were able to bring this obscure Pokémon lore to fans!
Everyone, I hope you enjoy the video! Trust me, strength was required not to die of laughter while translating all this haha!
Thanks for this!!
Хей, у тебя получилось очень круто передать оригинальный юмор! Это огромная работа, ты молодец с:
Я тоже всегда считал, что весь остальной мир обязан увидеть наш безумный вариант Покедекса, и благодаря тебе теперь так и случилось :)
@@prxtxtype3930 а где он был вообще? Я в двух городах жил бывал и не видел.
@@PAINNN666 лично я видел только в интернете. Сомневаюсь, что эти книги действительно печатались) Но было бы круто.
Thank you
it's oddly charming to hear that a father did this for their daughter and just the glimpse into their thoughts about the pokemon and how they would tie to society, thank you for the effort of making this video and all your efforts to translate and such
This must be what the Hisuian Pokedex looked like to future generations lmao
I love how all these get one specific Hobby like "With its sharp claws it rips off its enemies throats and feasts on their blood. Also it likes to make pie on the weekends"
Now I want a romhack based in Russia and the Russian pokedex lol
I’m not a rom hacker but I feel like the Clefairy line would be fairy/ground
I'd totally play the shit out of that
@@tikalthewhimsicott2736 yeah
Pokemon CommieRed
@@thegrassguy2871 Pokémon Federation Blue
These are hilarious and amazing, but also, these have really convinced me that the idea of pokémon all having full human-like lives instead of being closer to animals is an idea with tons of merit that's super compelling.
Furries when having pokemon fursonas be like:
I mean at that point just make a new series.
Maybe make it similar to Pokemon on the surface but have all this going underneath.
That's... That's just Digimon. And I'm not one of those "Digimon is a Pokémon ripoff" guys, but that is literally what Digimon are like.
@@ashketchum732Also Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.
I love the idea of Nidoking being this big scary monster that peole run and hide from, slaughtering livestock by the dozens and smashing 2 story buildings with its tail, then here comes Ash with a little wooden brush, scratches the right spot and all the sudden it's docile as a Pikachu.
I love the idea of NASA employing it's 25th Alakazam being like "Ok THIS time things won't go south"
Sounds pretty on brand for NASA lmao
Elon Musk, a vessle for Arceus itself, hires them on mass so they kill each other instead. Also has female Nidorans running Twitter giving him the worst advice.
@@xavierwalko4175 Comparing the intelligence of Twitter employees to Nidorans is an absolute slight to Nidorans :(
@@xavierwalko4175if anything he’s a Ditto barely keeping its human disguise
i love the authors idea of pokemon just doing both regular animal things and human things like "they eat bugs and drink booze"
"Several Pigeotto are United States Congressmen" XD
I was thinking about it on a walk today and I think that it's decently reasonable that whoever was writing this was writing them less as the elemental animals that they are and more as something like the anthropomorphized animals that exist in fairy tales and parables and stuff like that. Like less animals and more standins for aspects of human nature.
Some are unambiguous political / social commentary, obviously, but
@@LuminousLead I don't know what they stand for but I will vote for them
@@markb5249 pokemon in general are anthropromorphic, and have acted more human over time
@Internet Guy yeah but being Businessman???
A wise Psyduck once said: "To Be A Persian is to Never Know Happiness"
Truly words to live by
What I love about this Pokedex:
1: How every Pokemon has trivial hobbies and ways of life.
2: Others are used in society by their own choice without any reason.
3: They have specific religious and beliefs.
Zapdos in Japan: LEGENDARY BIRD OF THUNDER WHO RAINS LIGHTNING DOWN ON THEIR ENEMIES!
Zapdos in Russia: eh, charges people's cell phones in Holland.
Followed by participation in executions by electrocution.
One of the biggest whiplash moments in the video.
@@Nitosa the thing went from 1 to 100 really danm fast! XD
lmfao
This feels like the "Gastly can posion an Indian elephant" Pokedex entry expanded into an entire universe.
It's especially funny because in later games, the term "Indian Elephant" is replaced with Copperajah in dex entries, which makes Gastly's entry make no sense as Copperajah is immune to poison.
@@asierx7047 Regional Form Copperajah?
@@asierx7047That is Raichu's Pokedex entry. Gastly's doesn't mention Copperajah.
@@aananthbalachandran Gastly's does simply no longer mention any elephants iirc, so we can only assume
Oh, Primate dies of it being pissed and then is too angry to die, Cofugrieus Mmummifies it's trainers, and the dex entry of Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
So these aren't that far off when you think of it that way.
As goofy as these descriptions are, this is one of the most charming and sweet things I've ever seen someone do for their kid. And some of these are really fun and creative, too. Can't believe I didn't know about this sooner
There are some legit great worldbuilding ideas mixed in here (in between this well meaning dad's hot takes)
like Bellsprout being used for anasthesia,
Alakazam working on space stations,
& Kingler recycling shipwrecks are just a few standouts
Parasect taking out an entire insurance company, specifically in Miami, has to be one of the most convoluted and confusing things I’ve ever heard. Lol
"You finish your pokedex yet?"
"Almost, just need to feed my Paras seventeen more insurance agents."
@@ShamanJeeves These dang special evolutions are just getting harder and harder...
I burst out laughing when I heard that one!
Knowing how homicidal Paras is in Legends Arceus, I would not be surprised if they massacred an call center or two.
@@ShamanJeeves I was drinking tea when I read this and started choking because it made me laugh
I absolutely love that dratini’s mafia consists of Dratini, Charmeleon, and… “a Sicilian guy named Giuseppe”
Amazing
Giuseppe is the unofficial honorary Pokemon in the dex and needs his own entry someday XD
Best part is that it says there are multiple mafias like that, and so that means there are multiple of him.
@@genyakozlov1316Team Giuseppe.
Does each Dratini mafia have their own Sicilian guy named Giuseppe or is there one Giuseppe who is extremely busy?
@@MarquisdeL3 It sounded like the former to me
“Hey what’s that big turtle doing”
“War crimes”
I actually love the idea that Fearow don't really age, or extremely slowly. And a geodude chiseled into the shape of a roman statue, still just being a geodude
Also love that Psyducks are just the average historical writer whose works shook the world... after their death
I get the impression that anyone who knows this author really well can identify actual people some of these descriptions are based on.
It feels like a lot of these are local town gossip, unresearched hearsay and stereotypes, and responses to his daughter’s random questions about Pokemon. “Daddy, do you think Ponyta loves Pikachu?”
I became so desensitised to how ridiculous some of these were that by the time Vaporeon's entry came up saying they were Eevees with alcohol addictions I was just went "sure, why not?" and treated it like a normal thing.
Also I am shocked that the Hypno entry was more tame than the actually entry.
Same here.
Lol nah I never got desensitized to the entries. Everytime I was like how are they gonna top this one!? And then they do
Same thing for Gengar, being lazy and only maybe eating a soul, as opposed to canon pokedex where they're just evil incarnate.
I can actually explain why Vapoereon is an alchoholic, in Russia if we wanna say that person is drank we say he is blue, and Vaporeon is blue, so its a clever joke
I'd honestly prefer Vaporeons being shitfaced Eevees a lot more than... _you know..._
I don't know why, but his style of writing and his humor really reminded me of how Douglas Adams, author of The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, used to write. Specially the existentialist Caterpie
8 months later and I came here to say the EXACT same thing - the randomly specific references about public figures/philosophies/countries and the sense of comedic timing feel very much in line with the vibe of H2G2 entries
I love how it has the same energy as one of those medieval texts about exotic animals the author once heard about, I could also see some of the personalities working in a Mystery Dungeon type scenario, like Venonat picking up radio waves on its antennae and therefore becoming conspiracy theorists lol
Edit: Russian Grimer is my spirit animal
The fact this all stems from a father seeing his daughter interested in pokemon and then...doing his best is what makes all of this cannon for me
What does cannon mean?
@@SlimeBlueMSit's a big metallic object that can shoot metal spheres
Canon is a term that means that the fact is unobjectionable and true to the fictional world of a book/movie/game
Well congratulations for having a fun head canon for pokemon.
canon*
If "doing his best" is traumatizing your kid with horrible descriptions of all the ways people die at the hands of Pokemon, then sure.
Dmitrii Gorchev is actually a well-known writer who became famous because of his Livejournal. His style is postmodern with a lot of absurd humor. So there is a chance that this Pokedex was a joke from the beginning. At least he knew what he’s doing with his illustrations.
pretty much
the writing style, especially in the preface, is supposed to clue you in that this isn't a serious book
I would be very concerned if it wasn't obvious this is all EXTREMELY tongue-in-cheek
It definitely seems like one of those things that parents/grandparents would buy for kids and not know that though. Like any good bootleg stuff.
Saying there's "a chance" that this was intentional isn't giving the author and illustrator enough credit. This isn't a "so bad it's funny" kind of bootleg - it's superbly written. This isn't the kind of humor someone can make by accident.
Just a chance, huh?
This is why I love gen 1 so much. It was like the wild west and we got jewels like this Pokedex.
As a Russian, I had absolutely no clue this was a thing..
I dunno if that thing is a joke or not, but I’m actually kinda proud of it😅
Edit: I hope somebody makes a romhack based on these entries
“Most Sandshrew can’t even count the claws on their own paws, even though they only have 2”
Sandshrew have 3 claws on their front paws. Is the author secretly a Sandshrew?
We got em boyz
I think the translation had the idea of two front paws, not two claws on each paw.
@@CosmykTheDolfyn Or the guy just wasn't paying attention after having to write 20+ insane entries
Honestly looking at the gen 1 sprite and early artwork I can see why he said it only has 2
Or a Valve employee.
I love Pokemon being just... differently-shaped humans. They just live with us, do same jobs as us, talk with us, etc.
If you've played any if the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games, that's actually not far from the truth. It's just that they don't talk to people, just other Pokémon.
@@howlrichard1028 I did, but... in mystery dungeon it's a bit more grounded, I suppose? one Kangaskhan chose to open a storage, and other kangaskhan just live their lives elsewhere... Kecleon is the only example where an entire species is dedicated to a job, which appears to be more so the direction this pokedex often takes.
He turned them into Digimon so much that he turned the Pokédex into the Digimon Visual Encyclopedia. Only it’s weirder because Pokémon are chattel while (most) Digimon are people and treated as such unless they arbitrarily aren’t. It’s weird how one of the Digimon that is supposedly one of the mindless ones was the evil genius villain for an entire strategy rpg series.
Minus the human rights since you can catch and force them to fight to the death
While actual lore leans into humankind being species kind of similar to pokemon, writer of that Russian pokedex just did the opposite.
The Jigglypuff opera house sounds amazing, what a concept, this dad was creative as frick
This really does feel like a dad that just watched pokemon with his daughter, stewed on these thoughts, and then served them up to the Russian World.
The insertion of that random Sicillian guy named Giuseppe, in Dratini's entry, was hilarious.
I love how Alpharad acts horrified and incredulous when reading about Haunter and Gengar eating souls like that would never happen in the real Pokédex entries. The Litwick line, anyone?
Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
Cofiguegus mummifies it's trainers
Mimikyu kills you with it's looks and Bewear with it's hugs.
Pokemon is fucking insane.
Pretty sure there are multiple entries of gengar killing people
Gengar line kills Ash in one of the early episodes
NOT THE LITWIC LINE!
It's not that out of place, yeah
A lot of these could be actually used for Pokedex entries, especially on gen 1. Heck I wish some where, many of them have very cool concepts, like Ninetales using their tails to fly and being mistaked for shooting stars. It's also so sweet how a father did all as a gift for her daughter :)
Gotta love how for the one Pokemon that's specifically designated as female, this Russian dude was like "they're toxic liars who sit around eating cake and lipstick and reading fashion magazines all day"
In a book he wrote for his daughter
Yes he is teaching her about what most women do.
All nidoqueen know is charge they phone, eat hot chip, be charmeleonsexual, and lie
@@mikecsernyik7360 Low effort trolling I see
@@janer1024 no it's mostly true. He was a good father.
It’s very easy for me to imagine how this was pitched to Alpharad
“Hey wanna read a full Pokedex out loud?”
“Probably not, why”
“Blastoise are used to quell protests in Southeast Asia”
*brain misfires “Waitwha-“
“Rhyhorn watch Mexican soap operas and when they’re done they set out to kill”
“But-“
“Dratini run the Italian mafia”
At this point Alpha’s bit-seeking nature just, probably took over and before he knew it he was halfway through reading about Mankey pretending to kill Terrorists in Nepal
It's a crime this goldmine has been hidden from us until now
"pure gold" is the first thing that came to mind when I saw this
Not just hidden from us, but hidden from mx, ca, uk, fr, it, all countries really
It is the warturtle fault, they love crime
Tell me you're making a video about this
Yes the old Pokémon books are weird but amazing
"you might see it one day, walking around, looking like Apollo" that one killed me omg
Best buy recruiter: sorry mewtwo but we cannot hire you. cause of your....
Mewtwo: deletes recruiter
replacement recruiter: you'll make a FINE computer salesman, when can you start?
It's impressive how well all the footage matches what's being talked about. That's way harder to do than it looks. I can't imagine having to scour the show for all of these incredibly specific shots.
Glad to know my 2 months of work paid off in that regard. And my extensive knowledge of the anime.
Thank god it was just gen 1
I was thinking exactly the same thing!
it shows how he watched pokemon in a language he didn't understand and made all this up based on what he saw and his own political opinions.
@@SpydrXIII he must have been drunk as shit when watching then.
I'm legitimately sad those two passed away. The amount of creativity in that book is immeasurable
Wait the father and child passed away?
@@deepflare1028I think this commenter meant the artist and writer died
How can it turn so horrific yet still be so cute? They'll tear apart anyone, but also enjoy eating branded gum and spend time helping at kindergartens.
I need a Russian gangster movie starring Russian Blastoise, Charizard, and Beedrill.
Charizard are the getaway driver
The Beedrill from Pokemon Rusty would be PERFECT in that role!
Don't forget Giuseppe
Detective Pikachu 2: Electric boogaloo
I want to see the gang ran by a Dratini, a Charmeleon, and a guy name Gosepe >.>
I love that this pokemon gang, run by a pokemon, just has an italian guy involved.
he probably makes them all spaghetti for dinner, and has a gun
This is some of the most insane stuff. Two hours of listening to Pokédex entries that talk about Pokémon taking jobs, doing drugs, extorting crab sticks... and knowing that it's all the work of one man who just wanted his little girl to be able to enjoy Pokémon, it's honestly kinda wholesome, even considering the nature of the dex entries. This was quite the laugh and I love knowing this is a thing. :)
It’s funny how it starts out with Bulbasaur, and it’s like “yeah… this isn’t quite Bulbasaur, but it sounds kinda like a pokemon” and then it becomes progressively clearer that the author has no idea what Pokémon are. It’s like if someone wrote pokedex entries for the pokemon Julia from Drawfee draws
I love this so much i want to find one. This is COMPLETELY UNHINGED. I learned so much about the author. He clearly loved his daughter and watched episodes with her and listened to her talk about the games. It just feels like he's a traditional, conservative boomer type with specific opinions about journalists, protesters, and the Chinese. But this is so outrageous. I was NOT ready for jynx just being a gypsy or dratini. Multiple times i almost choked on my drink. What a magnificent ride. Also his humor is glorious.
It’s interesting that even in this Pokédex, Clefairy are still aliens. Clefable being a circus performer and tour guide is quite wholesome.
meanwhile wigglytuff possible insanity
Kind of seems like he knew more than he had let on.
@@reddawn1873 lines up with mystery dungeon
@Harloichii Is speaking of which in their own little short story It's pretty much implied that wigglytuff has perfect IVs
@@reddawn1873 terrifying combo.. strong and insane
I'm in tears. How did the author dream up an international Meowth conspiracy???
Based on a true story.
Honestly, that Machamp boiling oil story looks like real medieval folklore
And the inspiration for the plot of Dark Knight Rises 😂
This is great. Wholesome fan canon to fill a hole that kids needed filled.
Edit: wholesome may not be the right word
I think the sentiment and intent of it all is incredibly wholesome. The content maybe not as much 😂
I like how throughout this Jacob is just trying to narrate normally and not lose it at how insane these entries are
You can hear how hard it is for him for some of the crazy entries
This fully explains why Oak trusted 10 year olds to fill the pokedex instead
I like these pokedex entries, it makes me feel like pokemon are assimilated into human society on a deeper level which in-turn feels more realistic and relatable.
I'm only ten minutes into this. It says a lot about what it must have been like to grow up in the USSR. I can't help btu notice dystopian societies output people with a distorted sense of humor. What a gift this is.
Yep and how they all do jobs not based on their choice lol
"Pidgey are so stupid it's become an expression."
"Most Pidgey are journalists and businessmen."
Checks out.
“I made this for my daughter and her friends!” *writes about how evil the Pokémon are*
it’s still pretty adorable though
And has some extremely sexist takes on women in there too.
@@janer1024 thats just russia in general, moreso than this dude personally
@@janer1024 but it had same sexist takes on men in the same vein, it's just a different type of humor
@clownery It isn't really the same though when men are the ones with all the power.
Russian pokemon explains alot about current events
Holy moly, this is literally only the SECOND time I've heard of anyone confusing Electrode's eyebrows as antenna!!
The first time was all the way back in 1997 when some kid tried to tell me they knew everything about pokemon. LOL
It legitimately sounds like someone in their family had to have had one of these books! XD
Someone absolutely needs to make a fire red based rom hack using this Pokédex as a basis for the story and Pokémon.
This Pokédex is the epitome of “my source is that I made it the fuck up”
As someone who lives in Moscow and has been to the Ostankino tower, I can confirm, it is guarded by a Zubat and Golbat.
Have you seen some Crobat there as well? Although I've heard Golbat need to drink 5 liters of water in one go to evolve
Krabby - Kingler's russian lore is absolutely amazing
I like how there’s no sense of like… a theme or progression in some Pokémon’s evolutionary lines. Like, Cyndaquil is a panhandler, so if gamefreak was making it, maybe it would evolve into a street performer or a pickpocket. Instead, “Quilava fights for Justice all over the world.”
If you started reading some of these Pokedex entries to someone, without explaining who wrote them, I'm certain they'd be able to tell that this was written by someone who grew up in the Cold War-era Soviet Union. So much commentary on espionage, drinking, gambling, foreign militaries, rich exploiters, grumpy old people, gold-diggers, and SO much mockery and hate for journalists and philosophers.
I laughed so much at all of this. To each and every person who helped this amazing Pokedex get to me today, thank you. May all of your life's ailments be healed by benevolent Dragonites and Chanseys. Or by the touch of an Articuno's tail, if that's more convenient.
The magneton one about how American and Russian magnetons wouldn't fight, just buzz at each other absolutely felt like cold war commentary
@@zacharyyoungblood7013 That could even be a reference to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Or... something. (When I'm not feeling so sick and feverish, I may watch this video again and check what it says there.)
You can tell he was pissed off by certain other people and ethnic groups like Americans and Gypsies and local animals and stuff. Then he just simply anthropomorphized them.
@@nickirmen6671dude, you can’t say that
Remember, if Nintendo tries to take down the video it's all canon
I think this is my favorite video ever. I’ll watch this over and over forever, it’s already been like 3 times
I really like the Seadra Pokedex. It really paints a picture of an old tired Seadra talking of it's former romantic conquests all around the world, and now it eats garbage from cruise ships, I teared up a tad.
“Irritable and always criticizing the governments of the countries they live in, as well as all other governments”
Nidorina would love social media
I love how much the author shines through in the descriptions. I know so far that he hates millionaires, political corruption, weak men, and loud car alarms 😅
Also against gambling, but likes drinking, and reads the newspaper. Possibly a smoker or around smokers a lot as well - cigarettes come up quite a few times.
To me, he sounds like a pissed-off communist a mere 10 years removed from the collapse of the Soviet Union. Like he had a life, and it was taken away. So he blames people, broadly.
He also hates journalists, judging by entries like Farfetch'd and Muk.
@@KelsieJG__they-them Don't forget that this was intended to be published. Smoking and reading the newspaper may be peculiar traits in 2023, but these were everyman traits in 90's russia.
@@DABrancheit's a pretty common depiction of fathers.
I like how half the entries are "this pokemon is dumb" and the other half are "this pokemon is dumb and mean"
I thought this was going to be really crappy- I didn't expect it to be so creative and funny. Thank you for reading all these lol
"Shellder who can't break their drug addictions turn into Cloyster" I can't believe I enabled my Shellder's water stone habit :(
Drawfee needs to do an episode where they draw pokemon based on these entries
I’ve never wanted anything more :(
YES! drawfee fan!
and, agreed.
Omg you're so right, Julia would have a field day with these
То чувство, когда даже у нас нет обзоров или каких-либо видео по поводу русского покедекса. Офигенное видео :D
Вообще, даже жаль,что Фэндом покемонов не популярен в России... Не было ни игр толком про покемонов, а геймбой был редкостью в нашей стране в 1990-х и 2000-х.
Спасибо автору за классное видео!
What’s the most insane about this is that some of these almost make sense for the Pokémon they’re about, at least partially. Like…. IDK why but I can just totally picture Dragonite as this super strong but super chill dragon beast that just spends its time taking care of the disabled or Drowzy respecting people that kick it in the stomach and avoid its hypnosis!
On the one hand, this is very sweet and wholesome that a father would put so much effort to make something based on his daughter's love for Pokemon. On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL!?
I wonder if his daughter used to observe the cubone kangaskhan similarities, hence russian cubone hanging around with kangaroos.
I love how they say Pidgy are very stupid but also are businessmen and journalists, REALLY makes you question what the authors opinions are on them-
And Pidgeottos are USA Congressmen...
@@Kriegschwein This Russian dad is based af. Japan needs to convert this pokedex into a rated M pokemon game.
Well, he was a Russian.
It doesn’t make you question, it lets you know…
"Can we get pokemon?"
"We have pokemon at home."
Pokemon at home:
“As soon as Squirtle grows ears they become Warturtle.”
>Appear on TV show
>Say “why do we exist? There is no reason!”
>Leave to eat fern leaves
What a gigachad