A Nice Person’s Guide To Being Assertive
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- čas přidán 21. 05. 2023
- Here’s a powerful idea…nice people can also be assertive. You can be both likable and respected. Want to know how? I’ve developed a 60-minute free training: A Nice Person’s Guide to Being Assertive. I’ll teach you 3 tools you can use for powerful and direct communication both professionally and socially.
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you are reading this for a reason, you are so smart so intellignet, stop let other people make you feel down. you have alreadyw atched this video, you are doing a great job! i believe in you
Assertive confidence in all aspects of my life
Stop feeling invisible, unheard, overlooked.
100% - everyone deserves to be heard, seen, and appreciated!
That’s why I’m here. Long time currently awkward fan-girl of yours Vanessa 😊
I want to be able to control my anxiety and enjoy life more
Yes! You are not alone in that.
You are so not alone she is right. Latch on to all of her videos on youtube. Find her friend Lisa on women of impact she will bless you!
I'm always wary of saying things that hurt people's feelings. I do understand and love assertiveness and need this.
❤
Thank you for the assertive training video! This was very helpful for me, too! I have always wondered why my opinions were not weighted by people in general, although I tried to talk to them genuinely. This has hurt my feelings many times. I know that I am not an assertive person but I didn't know that I am so much far way from being assertive: 7 out of 7 questions for the assertiveness test were FALSE! 😂 You helped me rethink that being assertive is a skill and everyone can learn it. This gave me a lot of hope! Also, I might have been offended or lost direction to improve if I were just criticized for not being assertive, directly by people. Throughout your talk, I was able to assess myself more objectively and I learned the specific way to practice it. Thank you so much!
Oh this is so great to hear! I'm really glad you found it helpful - it is definitely a skill you can learn. You 100% got this! ❤
Huge Thank you for this free training! I so appreciate this!!
It was my pleasure! Thank you for joining in!
Thank you Vanessa, I have your book and have been listening in for a few years now, I truly appreciate you! I am so focused now on steadily, allowing myself to be assertive, stable, and resilient.
I love to hear that! I really appreciate you listening in. ❤
I want More meaningful conversations
Always ❤
Ikr
Watching this video has help me see a lot of bad habits I have created and helped me want to better myself I am truly thankful ❤
I'm so happy to hear this ❤
I’ve been waiting on this for two weeks!! Yay!!
Really found this so helpful!
Something extra that really helps complement assertiveness is something I call “seeding”.
All it involves is adding/including a helpful tip about yourself to a conversation topic that either highlights your strengths/likes or weaknesses/dislikes in relation to that topic.
This can be direct or indirect.
An example of Direct would be when acknowledging a request you can add a statement at the end that is a form of praise about something in the request you valued most, or you can constructively add how they could make a future request easier for you to process.
So you could say, “I really like that I have 5 days notice, that should give me sufficient time and really helps.Thank you” or “ For any future requests, if you can also include an attachment, I should be able to process it faster for you.”
Or “I love how you are always quick to respond. I really appreciate that”
The intention is the seed these cues that would tailor the nature of future requests/responses you get from people.
As for indirect, you can drop in your “seeds” in a casual discussion. As an example, you could be talking about bad traffic or missing a flight and on the topic of time you can say “Yeah I really hate time delays especially when they cause me to keep someone waiting on me. I really value being punctual and love it when others do the same for me “ .
Or someone could be introducing themselves to you for the first time and you could say “I’m often hard to get a hold of on the phone, but I always read my messages. So please do message me if you need anything else”.
In all the examples above, you are seeding impressions and preferences to people and with time, they will adjust their interactions with you to manners that favour you individually. This should also help reduce situations where you say “no” as they already know that is not something you would keenly say yes to.
Thank you for sharing this!
@Science of People. I should be thanking you. As the concept is something I came up with with your inspiration and happy for anyone to promote their on interpretations of “Seeding” . Sharing is caring :)
Thank you for your kindness!!! Hopefully everything will work out these days
Of course! Thank you for tuning in :)
So helpful!! Thank you SO much! Love the A-B-C-D work distinction
It was my absolute pleasure! I'm so happy to hear you found it helpful :)
To be more gracious with people when I'm assertive.
Yes! Excellent
I want more Joy!!!!!
❤
I watched you on a lot of different stages on CZcams, very talented in your speech, you are the best from the best 💫
💯💯💯
Thank you so much! That means a lot ❤
To be heard, believed and trusted
After a career break, I want to return to the workforce and positively impact people´s lives (including mine).
Fabulous!
Mine! 😂Vanessa I liked your "screen shot" it feels like online shopping of confidence
I want to be very specific in this task, so my main goal is to achieve new results in three aspects of my life by improving my personality and using my intuition and courage.
1. Find a work-life balance, including the balance between studying at university and working full-time. I want to find the best way to combine these two things.
2. Ask for better working conditions (I mean to achieve higher salary in two months) at my job.
3. Visit at least one event to find new social contacts with whom I can do a personal project or just keep in touch. ❤
Love this!! Thank you for sharing ❤
Thank you, I feel like this will help me a lot!
I'm so happy to hear that!
I want connection, to be able to express myself, be heard and understood
Yes! Everyone deserves that. ♥️
Assertive people have two things they know what they want and they know how to clearly communicate it
What do you want more of in your life right now
Your wanting is the fuel for your fire
When we want something we desire something it gives us energy it gives us fuel when you look at the goal when you think about what you want it should give you energy we need that energy and here’s why
When you’re not a naturally assertive person it’s scary to be assertive it takes courage to be assertive so the only way to break through the fear of being assertive and what if someone doesn’t like us or what if I’m not people pleasing the only way that we can get courage to be assertive is to have the fuel of wanting if we really want something we’re like I want to control my time I want more free time I want more positivity if you feel that fire that’s going to give you the courage to do what I’m about to tell you
Assertiveness training is all about knowing what you want and asking for it
The only way I’ve been able to break through that fear as a recovering awkward person as a recovering people pleaser as someone who does not feel naturally assertive that wanting is going to give us courage
Every single time during this training I say something and it makes you feel nervous I want you to go back to this question
Stop letting others contro you or your life stop letting people disrespect you stop spending f energy on tasks that drain you stop worrying waffling and stop waiting
to stop we have to be able to start to make room for the things we want we have to stop doing the things that aren’t serving us
Start asking for what you want
Start feeling more confident
Start being bold
Start owning your true self
Assertiveness able to confidently express your openings feelings an needs directly honestly and respectfully
How to be BOTH Assertive and Likable
1. 3 assertiveness training skills for nice people to gain respect( there are specific skills that assertive people have to know) have people pay attention to you
Assertiveness is a secret side door into more confidence more productivity and being more effective
Assertive people get mroe done because they communicate so effectively they have easier communications
Communicate properly without insecurities
Alma from South Africa: Respect at work and social circles. As bookkeeper, I run the finances of the business - So why do I pay the least?
Great timing. More of this, please!
You got it!
Unity in my family. ♥️
I adore you, Vanessa, for this video!
You are so welcome!
I loved your video, you are a wonderful person, greetings from Mexico City. new subscriber
So happy you found me! Thanks for following along ❤
I’m in AR. I So appreciate you and your videos! Heart❤😃
Oh Thank you so much for your kind words Megan! It truly warms my heart to know you enjoy the content! 🙏🏻💖
A Work: Public Speaking, Writing, Connecting with People.
Amazing! All very important skills.
I want to know how to ask the right questions more often, be bold and to have courage to travel around while meeting new people
That's a great goal! Here's a link to one of our articles you may find helpful for discovering questions to ask: www.scienceofpeople.com/deep-icebreaker-questions/ We have plenty more articles like this one on our site too!
@@ScienceOfPeople thank you this is useful! I'll have a look
Very helpful. Thank you ❤❤❤
You’re welcome ❤
Hi Vanessa, i've been watching your videos and its fantastic.
I've recently started a new job and i feel like im being managed by my clients i dont want that, i feel like im too nice and cant be mean.
I need help to be more assertive!
Hi Rosalie! I hear you. This webinar is a great place to start, and then some other resources that would be helpful are my book Cues (scienceofpeople.com/cues), my trainings (www.scienceofpeople.com/training/), and this article (www.scienceofpeople.com/stand-up-for-yourself/). Let me know if you have any questions ♥
What I want more in life: A job that I'm not at the bottom of the barrel
You got this ❤
Be resilient and loving
Love it ❤
I needed this ❤ thank you 🙏 but I think your videos need more lighting
So glad it was what you needed ❤ And thank you for this suggestion!
Feeding everyone, problem solving and leadership
fule and fire awsome structure
Thank you!
My pleasure!
To communicate in an emotional charged meeting.
Great one!
Hi Vanessa! Hello there! I'm from Hong Kong!
Welcome!! I'm so happy you're here! ♥️
I want to be articulate, consistent, ask for what I meed without being a victim or sounding whiney. I need help caring for my mother who has Alzheimer's. Keeping firm boundaries.
Ahhhhhhhhh I love this!!!!!
Yay!!! So happy to hear that ❤
From Bellevue, WA
Hi, I am from Sao Paulo, Brazil.
I want to stop feeling embarassed when my bosses put me down or overlook me in meetings on purpose. I want to stop cowering and be assertive without sounding upset.
You deserve to have your voice and ideas heard ❤ I hope this training was helpful for you!
Hello. From Venezuela.
Welcome!
Respect from people when they talk to me.
emotional expression and space for emotional expression
Is this subject in your Cues book, Vanessa?
Good question! It's not covered in my Cues book. You can learn more in this free webinar or I also go more in depth into this in my People School course: www.scienceofpeople.com/training/people-school/
Thanks Vanessa!
One question. Why didn't you let your colleague appear in a warmth manner. Hard for us to have interest to listen to him. Getting bored in the latter part. Just let you know.
Helpful
I'm so glad! Thanks for watching. :)
I want more good feelings
Me too!
This is profound.
Thank you! Glad you liked it! 🙏🏻
Control my emotions
I dont think a strong person avoids their weaknesses, because there is no honor or wholeness or selflove in denying aspects of yourself. A truely strong person acknowledges, embraces and accepts their weaknesses while simultaiously working on them.
They have compassion for their weaknesses knowing that they are lovable regardless.
3/7. When you say assertiveness, do you mean take control and be a leader.
Vanessa, The letter A is missing from my alphabet 😕
B Work: Running reports
Sometimes we have to do things afraid to grow, those things could easily be in the D area
Time stamps would be useful.
I feel like a hopeless case!
You got this! These are all skills that can be learned ❤
I want to be understood better
Having more clients and more monet
peace
That is not an acceptable response for my job. I have to do all the work whether it is D or not. But this is applicable in other circumstances.
Makes total sense! If you can, sometimes just trying to do as much A or B work as you can will give you that extra energy to get through the D work.
fight or flight
Excel Spreadsheets
More bookings
25:15 😅🤫
Love with my SP
Money
❤
I’m not yet successful enough to hire out b through d 😆 😊 yet.
desire babe
smoothy
How to say no.
time
I want to control my anxiety
Hi! We'd like to share with you this helpful resource from our website: 40 Powerful Tips to Deal with Anxiety 👉🏻www.scienceofpeople.com/anxiety-tips/
We have several more resources that you can go through for free 🥰✨🙌🏼 I hope that helps!
Money
No more fake smiling feels almost physically impossible, as a former autistic masker
Have 4 and more nos
Money.
money
i had 7 false😂
I want to be a better communicator when preaching
Let's make it happen! ❤
All 7 were false 😮😢
7 falses
oops e
3 falses
To much sales talk...little substance
So much blablabla
You are mumbling and talking to fast
You talk too much
But say nothing
It's really boring!
Be efficient!
A Work B Work C Work D Work
Numbers guy Diplomatic speaking Convincing/persuading people Flirting
Words guy Math Engineering Maintaining an order
Mental resilience AI and Computer Science Science Looking good
Thinking and brainstorming Academics Being consistent in relationships Ball games
Speaking as a performer Reading Talking with charm/being charming Evolutionary psychology
Hospitality and welcoming Systematizing Getting attention
Identifying bullshit Admin tasks Gym/Strength based work
Social psychology Maintaining finances Memorizing
Programming
Talking to strangers/hanging out at a party
Speaking english