He's like early Skyrim, where every patch breaks something else and requires a new patch. Like "Fixed fucked up sleeping habits, caused new bathroom habits".
And with a single stroke [CRAZY TALK] changed the bathroom habits of an entire planet and retroactively created an entire industry of housewares for holding toilet paper. Thanks for that Pat.
Pat: Y'know when y'go to take a piss... World: Mhm Pat:...And you're holding the toilet paper roll in your hand? World: No Pat: OK, see th--- World: No Pat. Just No.
Pat: But... bu- World: [Stops time] Pat: - One second has passed. Two seconds have passed. Three seconds have passed. Four seconds have passed. Seven seconds have passed. Nine seconds have passed.
Pat: You know how when you eat a burger you cut it into fours with a knife first? Everyone: Nooo? Pat: No, you see, that way you can swallow it in one go. Everyone: Why wouldn't you chew? Pat: Because that's just how you know you've got 'the right amount' per swallow!
Pat: You know how when you drive you take your pants off so your penis can stabilize the steering wheel? Everyone: What? Why would you do that? Wouldn't you get your seat messy? Pat: No, because you keep your underwear on and just stick it through the hole.
Pat: You know how when you go shower, right? Everyone: Yes? Pat: And you have to place your towel on the floor and walls so you don't get water everywhere. Everyone: No.
Pat: You know how you pour milk into your cereal and then you drain all the milk away before you start eating? Everyone: What? Pat: You know, so you don't have to drink it afterwards
I actually can't fathom this. Pat has seriously gone his entire life without understanding how a toilet paper roll holder works? Has he ever used a public toilet in his life? Does he seriously just dismantle the entire toilet paper contraption to extract rolls so he can hold in his hand every time he goes to a public restroom?
Woolie: The toilet paper sits on the roll and the reason why the roll spins is that so it doesn't have to come off. Pat: Yeah...I guess... Matt: Not, "I guess", that's the literal function. I love how Pat is told the precise way it works and he's still trying to reason his way out of it.
Pat's process: 1. Retrieve the roll from the holder 2. Hold it in one hand 3. Start pissing / dumping 4. Finish 5. Retrieve the right amount* of toilet paper 6. Wipe up the mess you made. 7. Put the roll back on the holder where it lives 8. Question life *CAUTION: THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW THE AMOUNT
So when Pat takes a shit is he just seriously sitting there for like half an hour or whatever just holding the roll until he's just like "Time to wipe and get all of it all over the roll's surface now"?
At first I just thought "Oh, he's gotta dab with TP because when ya got a little extra surface area there, it's harder to shake every drop loose ...I know how that is" ... then as he explained HIS reason and tried to justify it harder and harder, I got completely lost.
Pat sleeps in a vanilla envelope and tries to hold his toilet paper while peeing. Paige also catches him sneaking into the closet to eat candy. What is wrong with him?
Totally agree lol. I imagine Pat as some kind of grinch anyways, so I can totally see that children’s book character thing. „The poem of perplexed paranoia Pat and his peculiar adventures“ or something like that.
As someone who usually takes Pat's side in everything... What. The actual. Fuck. Pat. I mean we make jokes about him being crazy but... Jesus. Why is it always bathroom rituals, too?
Pat's so desperate to save on toilet paper, but the instant you drop the roll in the bowl and have to throw it out ONE TIME from doing this, you've wasted way more than you ever would just using the roll like a normal person.
I keep coming back to this video The craziest thing about it isn't even Pat's Jupiter-man style of toilet paper holding. It's that when Woolie explains to him the correct way to do it, his reaction isn't "oh shit I've been doing it wrong my whole life, how embarrassing," it's more along the lines of "well I *guess* you could do it that way, but wouldn't you much rather take apart the whole assembly each time like some sort of toilet gremlin"
This was already a livestream blowout, (with readily available clips!) he didn't have to bring it up on the podcast. But he did, and you have to love him for making sure [CRAZY TALK] left no one unaffected.
Quite honestly, a LOT of people that go for or already have a psychology degree is because they wanted to figure out their own screwed up bullshit on their own. Most obviously never did.
I feel like this is the kind of thing that will evolve over time to the point where Pat will place plastic over the the entire batrewm like Dexter every time he has to take a piss
Notice he asks how many times in a month? It isn't that unlikely that Pat drops a roll of toilet paper AT LEAST once a month in the toilet on average. With how normal he initially thought this was, it can be assumed that he's done this for YEARS. Ju... Just sit down to take a piss Pat.
No, because then when he gets up, he's gonna wipe his dick off and drop it into the toilet full of piss because he didn't flush. I think this actually happened on Paige's stream which is where the story he told at the beginning came from. Just search "Pat toilet paper" and it's the second result on CZcams.
I can for sure tell you how this came to be. Deep in the depths of pats childrenhood, he got yelled at by one or both parents for wasting toilet paper. As a result, its never left his mind. He is constantly worried about the correct amount, and nothing will convince him otherwise
Wait, hold on, how much splash is Pat talking about? Has he been pissing on the toilet with the seat down this entire time? Is this like brushing your teeth or getting into bed or any number of other things he's making way more complicated and wrong?
After years of listening to this bit I finally figured it out. The twist is Pat will eventually be the creator of the three seashells method from Demolition Man.
It doesn't have to be that forceful, honestly. If the angles in your bowl are not copacetic to your 'relative geometry' _(cough_ - *_height_* - _cough)_ then a fine mist of piss will coat surfaces in close proximity to the pan. Enjoy dealing with this knowledge. Worse still, if your arms are as god-damned-fucking-short as Pats are then it probably *_is_* a hassle getting *'the right amount™'* of paper out of most dispensers. See, I can easily regulate the roll with one hand and rip paper away from the last perforation quite easily with the other but if *_'your'_* arms are the same length as those of a Moogle then you _cannot do that shit._ And good luck 'whipping' it one hand style when you short-ass arms can't be 'whipped' in any kind of useful arc. Poor crazy little guy *:/*
I think what Pat does is he doesn't aim for the bowl, but instead aims for the underside of the toilet seat when it's lifted up. Hence why he has to hold the toilet paper, because otherwise everything gets splashed.
What if it turned out that it was all a huge work they planned out in the maternity ward? Like they looked at this squawking little poop factory and went, "We are gonna have some FUUUN with this one, honey!"
At least Pat isn't the guy on Reddit who went his whole life thinking toilet seats were just for girls and would sit on the fucking porcelain itself with the seat up when taking a shit. EVEN ON PUBLIC TOILETS! That's next level degeneracy.
Pat is a very special individual. He must be protected so future generations with better technology and science can understand how he uses the bathroom. We simply do not have the means.
How strong is Pat's stream? Does he not lift the seat? Woolie too. The only time I don't aim the for the water is to avoir doing noise. How does taking the toilet roll allow you to take a more precise amount. Pat convinces himself of this arbitrary process. The roll is made so you can take a certain amount and roll it back before removing any.
Hey man, all this has done is convince me that my mom was right to teach me and my brother to sit on the toilet first, then pull the TP parts i need off the roll holder. No mess, no fuckups, no nothin gone wrong ever.
does Pat use one or two fingers through the middle of the roll like an axel? does he have to constantly have to keep repositioning his fingers as he pulls more squares? does he let it roll against his palm like a dynomometer? what way of doing this with hands is even close to the ease and convienience of just using the holder?
Pat is probably the most famous person I know of that doesn't understand basic human behaviour. but then again, i droped a toothbrush in my toilet at least twice, so im not one to talk
Who...who taught him how to live? Children don't instinctually do this. Someone had to teach him the crazy shit he does with the specific intent of fucking with him. There's no fucking way he just comes up with this shit himself. What about public bathrooms? Or does he just willpower until he finds a bathroom with a removable holder? I can't believe I'm asking these questions.
Okay I gotta find out, what exact stream is he talking about? Where can I see the video where Plague and Paige make fun of him for it? Please guys, help.
Pats father: "This is Pat, we potty trained him wrong.....as a joke"
Pat is the only guy who needs a reboot and like 20 patches
20 patches is too much work, just cancel him.
He's like early Skyrim, where every patch breaks something else and requires a new patch. Like "Fixed fucked up sleeping habits, caused new bathroom habits".
Ah, yes. The "we fixed a save bug, but the dragons now fly backwards, and we don't know why" patch.
Nah we just need Pat 2
And with a single stroke [CRAZY TALK] changed the bathroom habits of an entire planet and retroactively created an entire industry of housewares for holding toilet paper. Thanks for that Pat.
Holy shit, you figured it out. This solves everything. The golden perfect infinite spin. Gyro would be proud.
HOW CAN THIS BE!?!
Pat: Y'know when y'go to take a piss...
World: Mhm
Pat:...And you're holding the toilet paper roll in your hand?
World: No
Pat: OK, see th---
World: No Pat. Just No.
Pat: But... bu-
World: [Stops time]
Pat: -
One second has passed. Two seconds have passed. Three seconds have passed. Four seconds have passed. Seven seconds have passed. Nine seconds have passed.
Pat: You know when you eat lunch, and you attach the chair to the ceiling?
Pat: You know how when you eat a burger you cut it into fours with a knife first?
Everyone: Nooo?
Pat: No, you see, that way you can swallow it in one go.
Everyone: Why wouldn't you chew?
Pat: Because that's just how you know you've got 'the right amount' per swallow!
Pat: You know when you go turn on your PC, and you have to take off all your clothes so you can fit behind the computer desk?
Pat: You know how when you drive you take your pants off so your penis can stabilize the steering wheel?
Everyone: What? Why would you do that? Wouldn't you get your seat messy?
Pat: No, because you keep your underwear on and just stick it through the hole.
Pat: You know how when you go shower, right?
Everyone: Yes?
Pat: And you have to place your towel on the floor and walls so you don't get water everywhere.
Everyone: No.
Pat: You know how you pour milk into your cereal and then you drain all the milk away before you start eating?
Everyone: What?
Pat: You know, so you don't have to drink it afterwards
I actually can't fathom this. Pat has seriously gone his entire life without understanding how a toilet paper roll holder works? Has he ever used a public toilet in his life? Does he seriously just dismantle the entire toilet paper contraption to extract rolls so he can hold in his hand every time he goes to a public restroom?
No he just starts crying in public restrooms and pisses his pants
For Pat to use a public restroom, he'd need to go outside.
I get the feeling that Pat is the kind of guy who would not use a public washroom.
CrimsonPhantom88
He is on record in saying that he doesn’t
There are bathrooms where the toilet paper is encased in a plastic cover so that no one can steal the rolls. Pats worst nightmare.
Woolie: The toilet paper sits on the roll and the reason why the roll spins is that so it doesn't have to come off.
Pat: Yeah...I guess...
Matt: Not, "I guess", that's the literal function.
I love how Pat is told the precise way it works and he's still trying to reason his way out of it.
Pat's process:
1. Retrieve the roll from the holder
2. Hold it in one hand
3. Start pissing / dumping
4. Finish
5. Retrieve the right amount* of toilet paper
6. Wipe up the mess you made.
7. Put the roll back on the holder where it lives
8. Question life
*CAUTION: THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW THE AMOUNT
So when Pat takes a shit is he just seriously sitting there for like half an hour or whatever just holding the roll until he's just like "Time to wipe and get all of it all over the roll's surface now"?
dracocrusher absolutely
I love how Woolie is following along, and then says No, when Pat gets to the nonsensical part.
I heard the original audio. What a magical moment in madness.
Does... does Pat fundamentally misunderstand *how to use toilet paper*?
Put simply, _yes._
At first I just thought "Oh, he's gotta dab with TP because when ya got a little extra surface area there, it's harder to shake every drop loose ...I know how that is" ... then as he explained HIS reason and tried to justify it harder and harder, I got completely lost.
Pat sleeps in a vanilla envelope and tries to hold his toilet paper while peeing. Paige also catches him sneaking into the closet to eat candy. What is wrong with him?
Dr.ErikNefarious Ain't that the question.
Pat is starting to sound more like a character from a fantasy book for kids than a real person.
Malhekrow The Patrax eats the cookies in the pantry. Watch out for the Patrax and don't leave crumbs behind.
Totally agree lol. I imagine Pat as some kind of grinch anyways, so I can totally see that children’s book character thing.
„The poem of perplexed paranoia Pat and his peculiar adventures“ or something like that.
Pat...That's crazy.
tailedgates9 Almost like it’s... Crazy Talk...
That's Rad
Talk
This time on the friendscast
Pat's still a weirdo who thinks he's normal
As someone who usually takes Pat's side in everything...
What. The actual. Fuck. Pat.
I mean we make jokes about him being crazy but...
Jesus.
Why is it always bathroom rituals, too?
Dude this was my exact thought process.
Remember when he sat on a chocolate bar and thought that he had shit on his pants ?
figurante inutil and it was all on the outside of his pants? Yep I remember XD
Pat's so desperate to save on toilet paper, but the instant you drop the roll in the bowl and have to throw it out ONE TIME from doing this, you've wasted way more than you ever would just using the roll like a normal person.
+dracocrusher - Dude, he probably is desperate on saving Toilet Paper to compensate for the amount he drops in the Toilet and wastes.
I keep coming back to this video
The craziest thing about it isn't even Pat's Jupiter-man style of toilet paper holding. It's that when Woolie explains to him the correct way to do it, his reaction isn't "oh shit I've been doing it wrong my whole life, how embarrassing," it's more along the lines of "well I *guess* you could do it that way, but wouldn't you much rather take apart the whole assembly each time like some sort of toilet gremlin"
This is my fourth time going through this and I still cannot fathom any of this.
To be fair, I rarely use the toilet paper holder either, preferring to leave the roll on the sink counter. I don't...hold it in my hand though
Pat's dream of becoming an immortal toilet is getting closer...
Bonhart Would he still want to be one if he knew he ran the risk of this happening to him?
I like how Woolie says "this week in Da newS"
I can smell the smoke coming out from Pat's ears from his brain gears going quadruple speed like that one gag from Spongebob.
This was already a livestream blowout, (with readily available clips!) he didn't have to bring it up on the podcast. But he did, and you have to love him for making sure [CRAZY TALK] left no one unaffected.
It went from "lol, what a funny little man" too "Son, you probably have a condition, go see a doctor" in 5 min flat.
ThatFeelBr0 No. A minute.
It took me at least 5 min to really make sure this wasn't a joke.
What's make it worse that Pat have a degree in psychology...
+clock3001 - He probably had a degree in psychology to try and understand why everyone was so wrong in how they function though.
Quite honestly, a LOT of people that go for or already have a psychology degree is because they wanted to figure out their own screwed up bullshit on their own. Most obviously never did.
Pat wouldn't worry about it if he stopped caring about damage control.
This may be [CRAZY TALK] most powerful act its' ever done to make pat look insane. Bravo.
I feel like this is the kind of thing that will evolve over time to the point where Pat will place plastic over the the entire batrewm like Dexter every time he has to take a piss
Pat continues to amaze with his life style choices.
Notice he asks how many times in a month?
It isn't that unlikely that Pat drops a roll of toilet paper AT LEAST once a month in the toilet on average. With how normal he initially thought this was, it can be assumed that he's done this for YEARS.
Ju... Just sit down to take a piss Pat.
Holy shit....
No, because then when he gets up, he's gonna wipe his dick off and drop it into the toilet full of piss because he didn't flush. I think this actually happened on Paige's stream which is where the story he told at the beginning came from. Just search "Pat toilet paper" and it's the second result on CZcams.
I legitimately couldn't believe this when he said it. This is by far the craziest shit. Way crazier than the toothbrush in the cup
What did he do to the toothbrush?
I can for sure tell you how this came to be. Deep in the depths of pats childrenhood, he got yelled at by one or both parents for wasting toilet paper. As a result, its never left his mind. He is constantly worried about the correct amount, and nothing will convince him otherwise
Nick Crawford except that he wastes toilet paper when peeing everytime for no reason
To be fair, due to his baby limbs this is probably the only way Pat can reach the toilet paper.
We had a splatfest about which way to put the TP on the holder if Pat saw that would he think it was about how you hold it in your hand?
Im convinced pat is insane
Wait, hold on, how much splash is Pat talking about?
Has he been pissing on the toilet with the seat down this entire time? Is this like brushing your teeth or getting into bed or any number of other things he's making way more complicated and wrong?
I bet he can't touch the lid to lift it because it's dirty.
What is this man even?
After years of listening to this bit I finally figured it out. The twist is Pat will eventually be the creator of the three seashells method from Demolition Man.
I love how this is not even a matter of different opinions, it's just Pat being Pat.
I think this clip is a good gateway in the zaibatsu universe
...how hard does Pat piss that he gets splashback from the bowl while standing? Guy needs to relax.
Boy, that *stream* sure has some high throughput. He needs some major throttling for those UDP packets.
I'll see myself out...
It doesn't have to be that forceful, honestly. If the angles in your bowl are not copacetic to your 'relative geometry' _(cough_ - *_height_* - _cough)_ then a fine mist of piss will coat surfaces in close proximity to the pan. Enjoy dealing with this knowledge.
Worse still, if your arms are as god-damned-fucking-short as Pats are then it probably *_is_* a hassle getting *'the right amount™'* of paper out of most dispensers. See, I can easily regulate the roll with one hand and rip paper away from the last perforation quite easily with the other but if *_'your'_* arms are the same length as those of a Moogle then you _cannot do that shit._
And good luck 'whipping' it one hand style when you short-ass arms can't be 'whipped' in any kind of useful arc.
Poor crazy little guy *:/*
I think what Pat does is he doesn't aim for the bowl, but instead aims for the underside of the toilet seat when it's lifted up. Hence why he has to hold the toilet paper, because otherwise everything gets splashed.
To be fair there are some dudes who go in the stall next to you and sound like they're pouring a bucket of something into the bowl
His toilet uses royal guard
What I wanna know is how Pat got the idea that this was a normal thing to do. DID SOMEONE TEACH HIM THIS? DID HE THINK IT WAS THE THING TO DO?
Mist-heart I mean, secretly, Pat might be some sort of alien adapting to human habits. Or some ai to train babies in what not to do.
I've never been so dumbfounded with a bathroom story since the "Poop Knife"
Sat on a chocolate bar, feared he shat himself.
Now he has toilet paper problems.
Pat is fucking up slowly.
man Pat is a wondrous human... I'd love to know how his parents taught him this stuff.
What if it turned out that it was all a huge work they planned out in the maternity ward? Like they looked at this squawking little poop factory and went, "We are gonna have some FUUUN with this one, honey!"
Ronyn Cato lol “hey honey, let’s teach this kid the stupidest things we can. Maybe he’ll probably short and bald too so even god wants in!”
JollyJoker23 No, he explains it as HE found out how to do this on his own.
"we trained him wrong, as a joke"
Yeah wollie you gotta get that smokin style when you release your devil trigger
The moment you realize you've been following a crazy person.
DSPat in need of some serious lifehacks. Can the chat help him cheese his way through this one?
Y'know...sometimes my OCD worries me, but Pat's...I think his worries me more.
Also, just sit down, there's no mess that way.
This is my favorite moment from the podcast so far.
I would love to be a fly on a wall of Pat's daily life. Mostly because I believe seeing a fly would cause him to burn his whole apartment down.
My God Pat, like what even?
I'm at lost for words. Now I've heard everything related to Pat.
At least Pat isn't the guy on Reddit who went his whole life thinking toilet seats were just for girls and would sit on the fucking porcelain itself with the seat up when taking a shit. EVEN ON PUBLIC TOILETS! That's next level degeneracy.
I usually aim for the rim of the water, so that the piss only partially hits the water while still hitting the not-water
Pat is a very special individual. He must be protected so future generations with better technology and science can understand how he uses the bathroom. We simply do not have the means.
How strong is Pat's stream? Does he not lift the seat? Woolie too. The only time I don't aim the for the water is to avoir doing noise.
How does taking the toilet roll allow you to take a more precise amount. Pat convinces himself of this arbitrary process. The roll is made so you can take a certain amount and roll it back before removing any.
Volta Bass should update Pat's stream intro to include this.
i'm not 100% sure pat is a real person
Just piss in the washbasin: No Sound; No Splash; No Paper; No Aiming; No Shame.
How does Pat function without someone watching over him?
*yells in DBZ Abridged Cell voice"
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Even after 5+ years of being aware of his existance, this ginger blessing on the world still has the ability to baffle the fuck out of me.
I find the least mess happens if you sit down
VeinexesVideos Unless your on a toilet to small for your body...
Next he’ll tell us he’s holding a TP roll when he goes through the process of going to bed.
The real question is how many rolls of toilet paper will Pat need to beat the stand that makes you shit your pants
I’m loving this true breakdown of how to piss in a fucking toilet
Of fucking course Pat would have trouble with toilet paper, of fucking course
"So clear and understandable" Wow and I thought Woolie was the big liar.
That's when you knew he was legitimately upset/irritated that the others werent on board with this.
Was that real i think I lost my mind
There is no end to Pat's madness
So pat failed to put hand to paper and pull hand while hand grips the paper
WOW
I come from the future to tell you that this man is about to be a father. 😂
IMMORTAL TOILET HAS PAPER TROUBLES
Pat sounds like a serial killer. XD
Hey man, all this has done is convince me that my mom was right to teach me and my brother to sit on the toilet first, then pull the TP parts i need off the roll holder. No mess, no fuckups, no nothin gone wrong ever.
does Pat use one or two fingers through the middle of the roll like an axel?
does he have to constantly have to keep repositioning his fingers as he pulls more squares?
does he let it roll against his palm like a dynomometer?
what way of doing this with hands is even close to the ease and convienience of just using the holder?
What is this tech pat is tring to use? not even the demolition man seashels thing was as complicated as this-
what does he do in a public restroom, because many of those have the roll in a locked holder so you can't remove it
he cries
This wouldn't happen if he was introduced to baby wipes. Two of those and a few pieces of TP and you're good.
In this episode, Pat is diagnosed with OCD.
Pat is probably the most famous person I know of that doesn't understand basic human behaviour.
but then again, i droped a toothbrush in my toilet at least twice, so im not one to talk
so am I strange because I usually don't need to use toilet paper at all when pissing or is pat just so far out thier it is making me feel strange
No it's okay. Unless you are an animal and splash everywhere, you're good.
PAT NO, you're SUPER wrong!
pat's so insane
Someone thaught Pat how to use toilet paper wrong, ...as a joke.
Is THIS the origin of Crazy Talk?
I'm sorry, but I lost it at the minute mark.
God damnit pat that's wired...
i just have problems wiping in general
I keep comming back to this and it's making me more angry every time....
Who...who taught him how to live? Children don't instinctually do this. Someone had to teach him the crazy shit he does with the specific intent of fucking with him. There's no fucking way he just comes up with this shit himself. What about public bathrooms? Or does he just willpower until he finds a bathroom with a removable holder? I can't believe I'm asking these questions.
Pat's Bizarre Toilet Adventure: Cellulose is Soakable
Okay I gotta find out, what exact stream is he talking about? Where can I see the video where Plague and Paige make fun of him for it? Please guys, help.
czcams.com/video/uD0UTQ296cE/video.html
Griffin1171 thanks man:D
Happened to me once. It's shocking.And a minute in, of course, what the hell Pat
another example of pat's craziness visibly ruining his life. No wonder this guy used to work a minimum wage job before he started playing video games
Correction.
Playing video games BADLY.
pat your starting to do me a worry
Crazy Talk has Ascended into Man Eater
Pat found a woman who took him as-is. What the hell am I doing wrong.
she's just as cray as him
Pat, why are you like this?
God I love Pat.
So me liking FF11 makes me a psycho, but this is normal? Hmmm....
Guys I think I know why they broke up