How to make INFJs feel loved
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
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#INFJ #mbti #myersbriggs #16personalities #16types
Loving INFJs is a topic that lights a fire in my belly. I am an ENFP, and 100% of my romantic relationships have been with INFJs. I'd like to start my Nessay with a list of rookie mistakes I've made that I don't want others to make themselves:
1. Never insult an INFJ, even playfully. They will think about it for months afterwards.
2. When an INFJ tells you someone/something really matters to them, don't be flippant of that. It takes a lot of effort for them to acknowledge their personal interests.
3. You mustn't casually make a promise to an INFJ. Reneging on promises will bring out an INFJ's anger, despair, or fear in a highly visible way, which (again) is really hard for them. Additionally, never commit a promise in an INFJ's name.
4. Avoid assuming an INFJ is okay. They tend to mask their pain by default, so frequently check up on them by asking them when you are alone. This will typically be appreciated whether they actually were okay or not.
In closing, I'd like to address the INFJs who managed to read this far. You're so beautiful and wonderful, I appreciate you so much wherever I find you. You see deeper into the depths of my soul than anyone else. I spend so much of my life wrangling challenge and struggle, but whenever I'm with you I'm ensconced in comfort and peace. Writing this paragraph has brought tears to the corner of my eyes. I want you to be happy and secure in who you truly are, because you do that for me and I'm so thankful for it.
Love,
ENFP
This tracks with my INFJ friendships (and the song lyrics I have written to tell their stories). Unlike INTJs, who can pole-vault themselves into their Ni future by Te, INFJs have that Te blind spot. So there's that sense of INFJs being prophets cursed with no internal way of acting on their prophecies. This is where their Fe parent comes in: they use it to persuade others to get on board with their vision. They need others' abilities to work with the future they see.
So I think that's why taking the closeness seriously matters so much with an INFJ - they end up having to be more socially reliant and trusting than TJs or SJs. That stack doesn't have as much fight-back to it as most other stacks. It's beautiful fragility, and I hope never to break it with any of the amazing INFJs I know.
Just one thing to point no1:
It’s okay to insult us If we know 100% it’s just in playful, 4fun way. I have bestfriend that insults me playfully almost in all conversations I have with him and I do it to him as well bcs I know he takes it just for fun as well.
Dammmm that sounds like a lot of work. It's like walking in egg shells
This is really good. You've learned a lot!
@@soa2444 I think a major struggle for INFJs is learning how to protect their boundaries. A lot of types have tough boundaries that they come by so naturally they may not even realize they have them (just a basic instinct to say "no" when people step on their identity--even if the "no" is unspoken and internal). What I've learned about myself as an INFJ is that I have no natural defense mechanisms to speak of... It's always "yes" until I have a nervous breakdown (and become a mean person--which I hate!). I've had to learn to build boundaries by analyzing situations, determining that I need them, and creating rules for myself. It *IS* a lot of work! And I think it's fair to expect the INFJ to do some of that work, but the point is loving them means sharing that load. It means a lot to be able to trust someone to take care of one's feelings, rather than constantly having to manage them alone.
I would synthesize the way to make an INFJ feel loved in one word : Intention.
The INFJs are so careful and aware of the intentions behind every action, either from them or from others. Because they always are so intentional towards people, and perhaps especially in their love gestures, what they will appreciate the most is someone who does the same towards them.
They feel loved when people are genuinely, purposefully trying to understand them, or just be with them, showing them interest in any way.
The main thing is that an INFJ must feel that what you do for them is done with your purest and most sincere intention of actually being to their attention. That you do it because it's them. At least that's my viewpoint as an INFJ :)
I send love to you who is reading this word
Ahhh...
Exactly. It is exhausting having the tendency to try and discover ulterior motives of every single action and gesture a person makes. "Did they really do that since they care for me, or simply to fulfil their social obligation to not offend me/make me feel bad?"
@@colerobbins124 bravo - 👏🏼….Exactly!!I wanted to stand up and cheer for this comment. Maybe I did, 🥹
Oh, wow, truthfully, I don’t really know what my MBTI type is, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a CZcams comment that’s ever resonated with me more. Sometimes I think to myself, it would be nice to meet someone like me, but for me. But then again, I think I also sound a little silly saying that.
Agreed
I recently had my 51st birthday. I got no presents or cards.
A few days after, I had dinner with a young lady. She snuck off to 'answer' her phone. 5 minutes after she'd returned, the staff came to our table with a cake and candle and 'Happy Birthday' written on it.
She'd obviously arranged it. It was such a sweet gesture, and it made me smile.
aww that is really sweet
As an ENFP with an INFJ friend, I can confirm that the reason we have such a good relationship is because we really TRY to understand each other. Even if I don’t get where she’s coming from, I ask her questions about it to understand her more. And I give her examples of how I can relate to her experience or thoughts. Even if I can’t relate EXACTLY, I try to think of the next similar thing to help me understand where she’s coming from. And it works the other way around. As an ENFP, I want people to be as excited about the things I’m excited about and share interest in at least ONE of my obsessions. And even thought my INFJ friend has said she’d NEVER do theatre (one of my many obsessions), she gets really excited and shared interest when I talk about my theatre experiences. (This is why we get along so well.) I also ask her how she is a lot, and tell her she can open up to me if she wants, but that I also respect her decision if she doesn’t.
Preach, some of my best pals are either ENFPs or INFPs, and I adore listening to their theorys and innermost thoughts, as well as acting as a therapist of sorts for them!
As an Enfp I'd like having a partner like that too since I tend to post about ALL of my interests and can feel like people get annoyed by my spamming
My older sister is an ENFP and we get along so well! She also challenges me to grow in a caring way and truly listens to me. I would honestly be lost without her impact on my life. ❤️ -INFJ
Even if your INFJ friend couldn't do theatre, she can be excited by it just because you're excited by it because she feels your excitement for it when you talk about it. That's how we work and that's why you'll always feel heard.
@@Pinkywinkykinky As INFJs we specifically like learning about others so this fits perfectly. Just remember to give us attention sometimes. We're not even seeking for a lot of attention nor the same amount of attention we give to others but just a decent amount is welcomed. Cause we tend not to share if people don't ask for it.
As an INFJ who forgot to answer the question because I overanalyzed my answer and ended up not writing anything, I agree 100% with this. I think that, as we're stereotyped, we know how to get along with people and we know what we should say to make them feel happy and maybe that's why we look for deep connections above everything else, because we might fear it's all fake or that they're only saying that to make us feel better. That's why we care so much about real demonstrations of affection and interest in what we want to say, because that's how you know that the bond is real.
Ahahahahaha this is so applicable to me.
Analyzed*
Ahahah ! For sure you're an INFJ. No doubt !
I just did the same thing here.. Wrote out a long comment then over-analyzed and hit delete. :( And ditto to what you said above.
@@CandaceDesignedStore I do that a lot, idk why. Maybe it's the common insecurities+low self-esteem+ the infj usually being misunderstood. Maybe the fear of rejection. I'm thinking out loud here haha. Facts are that the more I re-read a comment I make, the closer I get to deleting it.
The most simplest and easiest way to love an INFJ is to understand them.Thats it .Understanding them and respecting their viewpoint will make them feel loved.
YEP!! Can't agree more. :) But good luck to all that dare to try. Often times, I am perplexed with an issue or something I said, did, or throught about and trying to understand myself is hard enough... many times I feel like no one will ever understand me, but it is wonderful to see someone try.
Exactly!
This is the Holy Grail for INFJ people- they realise it’s impossible for themselves let alone others though 😂
On a serious note:
As brilliant and funny as your skits are, I perpetually respect that you constantly pursue your concurrent goal of promoting understanding of the differences between types and understanding of others (in this case, INFJs).
These kind of vlogs - the Fi-Days ones - never get many views and probably don't bring in the big bucks, but you keep doing them because it's the right thing to do for you and because they're instructive and helpful and because the topics are close to your heart.
Projects like podcasts and type trends must take up a lot of your time and energy, so I'm glad you can transfer some of the results over to CZcams :)
The patron only videos which naturally only get few views are greatly appreciated too of course! So, to put it crudely, thanks for not being a sellout!
I agree! These videos are especially valuable. 😍
@@SimoneEppler Richtig! Und, Du fehlst auch noch im Discord Server ;)
(aber kein Zwang. Wir sind eine ganz schön aktive Truppe da geworden :D
@@jashepoon Ach Gott, ich hab voll verpasst, dass es einen Discord-Server gibt. Okay, ich werde bald joinen. :))
@@SimoneEppler Cool! Du kannst Brandon jederzeit anschreiben, wenn du den Einladungslink dazu brauchst :)
Precisely, I love how Kristin takes the time to unpack each MBTI type, and see what really makes them tick.
INFJs, I love you.
We ENTPs need to protect you at all costs
We love you too, i wish i had half ENTP wittiness. We can listen and watch you do your sheananigan all day long, you re fascinating to us ^^
I would say you are right about what you said. I am an ISTP , who is best friends with an INFJ. Most of it matches with what I know. What surprises me is that I am commenting, which is unusual of me.
You must really like your friend to go out of your usual way by commenting^^ this is so cute to see now i m doing the same: this is my first comment on the channel as well x)
Been friends with an INFJ for a 11 years and last year i surprised her with a little gift basket of things that reminded me of her and our friendship. She was so shook and kept hugging me. Then we went with the rest of our friends to an escape room and dinner. -ENFP
I'm an ESTP and my wife is an INFJ. Yes, in reference to your video on how an ESTP sees different types, she's mysterious to me and slower than I would like at times but she's such a precious gem and I think she's herself around me. ;) I'm very thankful for how we can offer each other our strengths in marriage. I help her communicate and she helps me know when to shut up. :) Just a couple of things that have helped show her love.
1. Listening and joining my story with hers; That is to say that If I get to talking about something deep in my heart she'll open up about something deep on her heart. I learned that from you, Kristin, BTW. In your video on how to get the personality types to talk about their feelings. You open up first and then invite the INFJ. I just did that with her today and it worked! I was so glad.
2. Thoughtful gifts; Something small that reminds me of her and tells her that I've been thinking about her.
3. Words of affirmation; I'm not sure if every INFJ is that way but telling her things that I've appreciated that she brings to my life or the lives of our kids.
4. Spending time enjoying something of her creations: She's quite artistic and poetic. If I can sit and look at her art and read her poetry with her, I've shown her worlds of love. I have to say that I have through her seen a world of meaning that I couldn't possibly know if she wasn't in my life. Her poetry can make me weep. Her short stories carry such depth and nuance. Her paintings, though I'm not an artist nor do I have an artistic eye, carry intention and detail simply because she delights to give every molecule meaning.
One of the things that makes me so in awe of her is how precious even the smallest things are to her. To her there is meaning in even what would be insignificant to me who tends toward speeding through life. For this reason, she will hold on to things like candy wrappers just because of what happened surrounding the time she opened it. (it can make garbage day tough. ;))
If you can tap into the world of an INFJ and learn to appreciate it (which you must or you'll probably never be shown again.), their depth can change you for the better. I love you, Hannah!
Such a great husband 🙌
Damn I adore some ESTPs
Idk why I love ESTP they are just us in different orders it's so easy to be around. 😂
@@joanaborrellsanchez9225same. My mom is one and I adore her. We’re very close.
I rarely ever comment, but I wanted to say as an INFJ that this is so accurate. A moment to share my inner wolrd, personal story, and current or past emotional wounds is definitely one of the most significant ways for me to feel loved. Great video.
Yes
One of the surprising ways my husband makes me feel loved is pointing out things I like or the way that I am. INFJs struggle with knowing themselves. If someone else can be patient with that part of me and understand and even better, help me to understand who I am in meaningful ways it’s like, magic!
I totally agree with the number one answer here and also the one about being asked for my advice.
Great video. Thanks!
A little too real
They’re tough cookies to crack but the return you get is astoundingly worth it. - INFP
1. Asking questions. It helps in finding a direction to guide the mess inside.
2. Being gentle helps. Cause being harsh (internally) is a default mode (for this type). Gentleness helps neutralize the harsh and bitter thoughts that pass on the inside.
3. If you fight me, I will fight back. So, let's not even go there. If you can take the time to understand the inner world, great. If you are gonna criticize, trust me on this: your criticism will be reciprocated x10. No, I don't like doing it. But if I am stressed my survival mode is to protect myself rather than pay attention to words.
4. Let me think. I rarely know how I feel. To see it, I will probably need to write it down, or find an abstract/creative way to express it. Once you see this side don't assume that the first thought that passed through your mind is the truth behind the creative process. Think it through. Pieces of information might be hidden in places you haven't even paid attention to.
5. Metaphors. For me it is normal thought and speech process. Yes, I can adapt it to concrete, realistic and easily digestable info, but it takes time to "translate" things in such way.
6. Autonomy, autonomy, autonomy. The moment it is under "threat", I am out. Not as a joke. I can take drastic decisions that can be as crazy as changing continents. I need freedom. On a level that may surpass what is considered "normal".
7. Honesty. Now, people may think: how can I be honest 100 % yet not critical? I have no problem with what you say (the content) but how you say it (the process). Shouting irritates me and I will shout back and become just more exhausted as a result.
Dont force the INFJ to do something they dont like.They will hate it .
One more thing show compassion and empathy towards INFJ .
INFJ - I’ve said for a while that my love language is “sharing secrets” and what I mean by that is emotional connection and trusting the other person with your deepest stuff. I definitely love being listened to carefully and being understood. I like sharing emotions and being validated. And I love it when people ask after me.
INFJs, you just need an INFP. A healthy INFP ofc. And I will whisper you sweetly... listen... "I'm here". Now seriously I just can't hold the love I feel for the INFJs I've met. It's so easy for me to love you. And so easy for you to love me.
This might be controversial, but what I (INFJ) actually enjoy the most/value the most from others really lies in the sensory!! Our biggest challenge is to get out of our own heads no matter how "comfortable" that's become- there is love and especially an inner joy to going out even when it's hard, to enjoying a long car drive with good music on a day where you didn't expect it, to baking something totally random, and the effect from that amplifies ten times in good company. It may not be in our thought patterns or comfort zone to even consider these things when we're looking for something to do, but I watch my INFJ friends grow when we put ourselves in that position 🤗🌅 hint to you guys to take yourself out to go plant shopping with friends or go for a hike to talk things through, or just enjoy some candlelight, you deserve it xx
I feel loved when I realize I'm comfortable doing things that are not natural for me because I'm with a loved one... The realization and that thought is the thing for me rather than the sensory experience in itself 🤭
And I think I would really hate it if someone forced it on me if I really didn't want to.. So if that personn didn't know me and is unwilling to listen and understand. In the end it all comes back to being understood.
I feel loved indeed when my dear ones are willing to know me, that sometimes my needs is that they push me outside of my comfort zone
@@EIIy Aw that's really really special ☺☺ Being in an encouraging friendship means the WORLD. Being this type... it all relates back to being understood, and understanding the world. Those two going hand in hand when they do is a godsent ❤❤ I'm happy that they respect your wishes and kindle them even.
Understanding and listening is HUGE for me as an INFJ.
I love how we ENTPs get jabbed and become a proverbial punching bag in many of these videos. Putting us in our place in a fun, witty and intelligent manner is pretty awesome.
Kristin mentioned ENTP probably because you guys are dubbed the devil's advocates and also because you're one of two best type matches for INFJ (hence take notes)
@@TheSaubzable It goes a bit more than that, Ne-Ti pretty much makes many things satire and ironic. Combine with Fe and lack of Si, self-deprecating humour is one of our default humour settings. As a result, we don't take many things seriously and like improving the times of others around.
@@naitnait00 and as an INFJ I tend to take everything a bit too seriously haha, but I love ENTPs and their weird humor it matches my (inner) chaos
@@TheSaubzable We tend to quickly think things over on whether or not taking something not seriously will have a negative consequence. Will we get is right all of the time... nope.
I hope you know how amazing your content is. As an INFJ, I feel so seen with this video! Thank you for also including the raw data! It was fascinating!
It is kinda funny how INFJ need external validation to feel love 😅
@@jonnharmon941 yep! I imagine that some of it can be attributed to the extroverted feeling function. As much as I don’t like it, some of my identity is shaped by the tribe.
@@LambentBoleyn "Some of my identity is shaped by the tribe." Word. And I don't like it much either. I think that's one of the biggest ways you can tell an INFJ from an INFP. I'm actually so jealous of INFPs for not being this way that I resent it when they identify as INFJs and attribute their independent qualities to INFJs.
I loveeee infj’s so much
As an INFJ, I can't thank you enough for doing this video. It not only helped me understand myself better but it also made me feel seen.
I can only speak for myself, but before discovering MBTI, I felt like an alien. I wanted to connect with someone on a deeper level but I didn't have the courage to reach out to people because I thought I'd be a bother and they'd find me annoying.
Showing people that they're not the only ones with a certain mindset can be life-changing. That is true not only for us, INFJs, but I think it applies to all MBTI types.
Have a nice day everyone!
I couldn't agree with you more
Have a great day !
[INFP here] i read everything and i agree with all of it. felt lost. felt misunderstood, by others and even by myself. felt like a waste of space for a long time. lots of things have come into my life to help bridge the gaps, including MBTI. i think self-awareness is very valuable, but not seen enough in society and conventional education. well said!
"INFJ don't like it when you play devil's advocate."
Me, an xNTP: "Resist the urge to play devil's advocate in the comments of this video."
Your Herculean effort to resist is acknowledged and appreciated, haha!
Well i like it personally.. probably because of ENTP dad, but i like those games, just make sure i know its for the game dont act like its really what you think ;)
As an INTJ divorcing an INFJ...I could have used this advice a long time ago. But ultimately, I think only a very mature older INTJ can handle an INFJ. The types can be compatible, but long term, not really without an extreme level of emotional maturity. Asking a young INTJ to deep dive into emotions is like trying to win the lottery.
Very interesting, I'm an ISTJ who's engaged with an INTJ woman and everything Just feels so easy. Before her tho I was talking to an INFJ, and man it felt like I was walking in egg shells. I had to constantly be careful with hurting her feelings. With my INTJ partner I just feel like I can tackle my goals and she helps me when I feel stuck in a problem.
@@soa2444 This is why I specifically targeted INFJs with my comment. In the end, if anyone wants to engage with an INFJ the emotional meter needs to be off the charts. I learned that if I want date another woman my extroverted feeling needs to be deliberately active to make connecting with them easier. I think it important INTJs don't blame others for relationship failures and focus on what they, the INTJ, can do better. But expecting a young INTJ to get there on their own is asking too much.
@@h.k.3704 like for example, I'm more of a traditional man, she (INFJ) Tend to question gender roles. Which I'm not saying i don't question them, but the benefits of gender roles out weight's the opposite. Sometimes I wonder if she would think about these things in a deeper level and not on an emotional level. Feelings are important I'm not denying this. But time after time, being rational has always proven to be the best decision. And I know their types because they told me and taken the test together
@@h.k.3704 but if it's logical and reasonable why can't y'all just accept it? I notice that ENFJs are also the same. One of my best friends is an ENFJ and he also tends to ignore rationality because emotions take control over him. It's something I would never understand. My sister is also an ENFJ
I’m an INTJ who’s dated INFJs and is currently in a new friendship with one. I can’t cope when conversations focus too much on emotion. I don’t mind hearing someone else if they want to explore their emotions with me, but if they expect me to do the same with them and react poorly when I don’t, we’re gonna have a problem
Me (ISTP): *reads title: “Emotions = hell no.”
*clicks anyway - Stare-down with cat : “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
As someone who's bride to be is an INFJ; I'm looking forward to viewing this. Thank you for putting this out Kristen. Sincerely, A Very Sincere ENFJ 🙏 ❤️
I think the listening and understanding part is so important, because it takes us a long time to feel comfortable around someone and sharing our innermost feelings therefore feels special and can basically be seen as a display of our love from our side
As an INFJ:
I truly appreciate when someone becomes honest with herself and opens up herself to herself (not even to me) to me/with me. Hope that makes as much sense to you as to me 😂.
It really warms my soul when I am in the presence of a human human and not a person and it is so so rare, the air around them becomes so fresh and light. I no longer care if people are honest with me or not, but please at least with yourself be honest.
Love your content.
Kind of beautiful. My INFJ me does not open up easily to people because a) I want to focus more on them than myself b) I really need to feel they care about what I am about to say. So when somebody takes the time to ask me questions about myself, especially these which help me understand myself better, which show they really are interested, it is likely to melt my heart :)
Thanks a lot!
I have to 100% agree with the checking up on how we're feeling. I've had a couple cases when people were really mean to me, but afterwards they genuinely apologized and asked if I'm okay, and after that I honestly not only felt like I couldn't be mad at those people anymore, but I also had a strong feeling that I'd really like to get to know them a little better. So yeah, showing that you care about how we feel, and listening to us if we have to pour out the feelings we've been bottling up, even if you don't understand them really means a lot to us.
Thank you. My wife is an INFJ. Couldn't have asked for a better video! Can't wait to improve the way I show love to my wife 💐❤️
how do I feel loved as an INFJ
- [ ] When I’m mentioned well in my absence (or presence). When that person genuinely thinks well of me, loves me, I’m actively on their mind, that’s when I genuinely feel loved.
* When they put a list of things I like and dislike. When they remember details about me. When they genuinely make the effort to know deeper parts of me and love them.
- [ ] When their love isn’t selfish. It’s not about how you make them feel. It’s not about what they want you to do to them. They just genuinely want the best for you.
- [ ] When they want to take the weight off me. When their love language is acts of service. When they don’t let me lift heavy things or do hard things without appreciation me with words or taking part of the chore.
- [ ] When I’m given a safe space to be whoever I want. When I’m constantly reassured with words and actions.
- [ ] When they check up on me, worry about me, love me, hug me, miss me, cry for me. I need to feel the love with all my senses or else it feels lacking.
Thank you so much for this video! The fact you made a video about us INFJs makes me feel loved, haha! What is interesting is that my first love language is physical touch, then followed by words of affirmation. But I think it still falls neatly in line with your observations. It’s very easy, especially in an Ni-Ti loop, to convince myself that I care way more about the other person than they do for me. Or I am a bother, I’m too weird…etc. So, things like hugs, kisses, cuddles, random texts, thoughtful gestures, deep discussions… they ground me back into reality and add evidence to the fact that I am already worthy of love and that they clearly care too! And then I feel encouraged to reciprocate the gesture back in a way I know they would appreciate. It’s almost like it reassures us that we are okay to show love openly and clearly.
My Fe can't put into thoughts or words how wonderful I think the idea for this series is! 1:20 This..... I've believed this my whole 44 years of life. So much so, it's been a life mission to educate myself in all of the various methods of behavioral studies available to me including MBTI. As humans, most of us understand and relate to on a personal level to things from our own experiences. But if we have the ability to listen to others and at the very least attempt to understand how they relate to things and why, often times we'll see we're not so different after all. Our hopes, likes, dreams, fears may all be different....but we ALL have them! With understanding comes acceptance. With acceptance, comes love.
I broke up with my girlfriend specifically because of the top answer. She loved physical intimacy, but communication and engagement when it came to conversation was virtually non-existent. They weren't ever bothered about resolving conflicts, they were happy to leave every disagreement unsettled. I felt super lonely with her.
She wasn't an INFJ then. We would never let someone as special and as close to us as a lover feel lonely and unloved. Besides, communicating and resolving conflict is what Fe does.
I think she was an INFP/ISFP who couldn't handle conflict at all, or maybe she was indeed an INFJ but she was very very insecure and was hurt in the past. So it's not really on you... she needed to do some work on herself first. Please remember that being an INFJ doesn't make you invincible or automatically self-aware and more emotionally mature than most; it is easier for us but we still need to put the effort in, both in exploring our mind and in opening up to people in reality.
Needless to say that I rarely leave a comment (even more on such a serious matter like the one you brought up in this video) because of the overanalyzing tendency of any Infj. I agree with everything that you reported and explained here with emphasis on "deep connection", "actively listening" and try "to truly understand": never mind how confident and put together an Infj looks from the outside....on the inside is most likely a mess and the feeling of being misunderstood is always lurking underneath the skin. ~ A 39ys old Infj.
Hello! I’m an enfp and my father is an infj. It makes so much sense to hear how listening and giving the same amount of attention they give back to them. Infjs listen so much and at some points it’s been described as “talking to a wall”. People say that about my Dad and it’s funny cause usually they’re ejs and as an ep i get caught on things he says and can’t help from asking further. I find myself telling people that all they have to do is ask questions. genuine questions and open mindedness is all it takes to make someone feel like their persona matters.
As an INFJ, "Misunderstood" has always been my middle name. I've often found it difficult to connect with people who share my hunches and levels of empathy, having grown up mainly surrounded by sensors. All that we need is someone who takes the time to really understand us, the way we seemingly understand everyone else. 💞
Trina, it'd be so cool if you became a patron of kristin's! I know you support a lot of CZcamsrs, but you're obviously still quite invested in this channel and it'd be cool to have you (one more INFJ) in our awesome new discord server. And, for 5$ a month you can post your comments even earlier! ;)
Similar as INTJ. Though not on all points.
From my experience (as an INFJ) my closest friends and love mates have been NFJs and NFPs. SFJs and SFPs are second but don't get close to the prior. They love to live in the moment and that is good once in a while because we all need to "touch grass". Also, I found that Fi doms and Fi parents are really great for me. I just love that they are not shy about how they feel and never "fake it" to fit in. It may be a little bit harder to get to know a INFP but once they let you in. Oh boy, beware they are in for life. Just don't hurt their feelings.
I think the word genuine is really the most important. I'm an INFJ, I would rather be hurt ( which I won't if we can communicate well, and if I'm aware of my bondaries well ) than having a loved one brush off something they feel, dont tell me about it, or put on a mask to "please me"
I want to be a safe place and opened for my loved ones, and I really feel loved when they can open, relax with me and be honest. I only had ENFP partners so far, the hardest part of the relationships for me is for sure when they aren't
Hey youtube commenters! I just wanted to mention again that Kristin has a patreon goal that when she hits 500 patrons she's going to make "16 Personalities In A Musical." Let's make that happen!
Even if you can't afford the lowest patreon tier, I'm sure a custom pledge of any size would help her achieve her goal of becoming a full time content creator. Even a dollar would help! So, if her content entertains you, or enriches your life in some way, please consider donating!
As an infj, this video felt like peeking deep inside myself, thank you kris for conducting this "experiment" would love to listen more on what each type hold dear to themselves
To be truly seen and to be allowed to truly see the other. That's all I could ever ask for.
I feel loved when I'm with people that make me forget the default INFJs state of mind of 'the world is all take and no give... also pretty sad, cruel and inherently meaningless'
On a side note, is it just me or grown up and responsible ESFPs sometimes resemble ENTJs? That's probably because they share the same cognitive functions and when you value your 3rd and 4th functions, you can successfully imitate any type of your quadra (well, not just imitate, but behave that way and mean it, too). Anyway, props to Kristin for successfully disproving the cancerous 'S for Stupid' stereotype in MBTI community! Love those type of videos, I'm sure this one made a lot of INFJ feel loved and appreciated.
I just need acceptance. Just accept me as I am and if I fuck up, don’t hold a grudge. I try so hard. I piss my Son off every now and then but he just yanks my chain and that’s it. My mistakes are ALWAYS saying the wrong thing in the wrong moment, ALWAYS !! Why are people hiding things that are so obvious ?? It’s as plain as the nose on your face but don’t talk about it ?? Eternally puzzling.
You forgot the most important advice:
Leave cryptic clues on your Instagram stories! 😂
The "grounding presence in reality" part at 3:02 is so real.
Dear Kristin, Wow! That was an amazing analysis! I am an ISFJ and completely identify with what you described for the INFJ. Yet, you are right, I am too busy helping others to take the time to respond, lol. My deep thought is always going on, it’s just in the background because I give others the priority. I simply love those answers! They state exactly what I feel. They state what I value most in relationships. Kudos to you for this exercise! I love your content! ❤️ Side note: I am stepping out to share with you and your subscribers that I personally have declared January as introvert month. I need it to recover from all the peopling I had to do over the last month and a half. I will delight in doing things by myself and calling those friends who feed my soul. Just thought you’d find that interesting. God bless you! ❤️
I'm an ENFP w/ an INFJ sister. I always thought that was the perfect sibling relationship and always though of her as my best friend. I've read that when we're excessively stressed, our nervous system changes and we literally are a completely different person. I'd love to know what a super stressed or traumatized INFJ is like?
Completely agree with two of those
1. the "this reminded me of you" thing
2. To be listened to
One of my love languages if gift giving. when someone gives me like a thoughtful gift (doesn't have to be expensive) or even just a letter, it'll always make my day. I remember thinking that if my loved one just suddenly gave me a single rose or some funny key chain that made them think of me on a random day, I'd feel elated.
On one note, the first time I ever felt so attracted to someone was when this guy made me feel so heard. We were talking and he was asking my opinion on something (I usually take those types of conversations seriously and give my advice carefully but at the same time not expect that they'll really care cause most likely, ppl dnt really listen to things they dnt wanna hear unless it's someone they trust.) But this one guy was genuinely curious about my pov. He gave all this attention to me and I couldn't really focus cause I was surprised that some ppl do really care. One of our classmates interrupted us and he asked that classmate if she was done cause he'd like to continue his conversation with me. I'll never recover from that experience. Then and there I knew what I was looking for in a partner.
Lastly, idk if this is just me or an INFJ thing but if someone shows the people around them that they're proud to be with me and is not afraid to show their affection towards me to other people, I always feel like I'm loved.
-INFJ who has edited this comment more than u can imagine :)
I love how you are asking the community instead of just saying your opinion, that being said your understanding of mbti is so good that I value your opinion and contribution you make to this community. As an INFJ I love this video and agree with everything. Hoping to see more videos like this about the sensing types.
Thanks for compiling all that info for us INFJs! I think this is a really good series and it'll be very helpful for all of us to understand each other. I'm looking forward to more installments!
As an ENTP who loves being evil. Yes yes please go on tell me all about how to make an infj 'feel' loved so that they do exactly what I want them to do.
This title expresses one of my big ENFP life goals!
Omg I took alot of notes . Great video. I'm married to INFJ and I was always judging and not understanding how my wife's mind and personality work. Being a very opposite person to my wife. I definitely need to sit down and listen more to her thoughts and feeling and not be judgemental and try and understand . I definitely need to think more and listen more. I tend to not listen properly and have no filter and talk without thinking wich gets me into trouble. I love my wife and will try and be more mindful as to why she does certain things ect.
This is really wonderful! With creative series like these, you are not only helping me understand others with more depth, but are also genuinely helping me get to know myself as well. Thank you!
Comment at 3:11 sounded VERY INFP/Fi. Ofc there is no way for us to know and I am not suggesting a mistype but rather, for listeners to be careful when generalizing to other INFJs. A lot of INFJs like the back and forth of a discussion with the goal of digging deeper and understanding, while a lot of Fi users like the appreciation of their tastes, feelings and values. So it's understanding vs. appreciation. Hope this helps!
Already loving this series. This is an AMAZING use of MBTI in every way -- the research, the loving focus, the depth and precision, everything. I intend to watch every single one of these. And refer them as I see needed. Thank you so much.
I love the idea of input from people about how to love the types better! ❤
“How to make INFJs feel loved”
Make an entire video solely about them! 🥰
Thank you Kristin
I'm an INTJ, my brother is an INFJ. He is one of the most epoch people I know. But truly, I have no clue what is going on inside him. Also I appreciate you bringing the love languages into this. I've been looking for trends between the two among my family and friends for some time now.
As an ESTJ, I would say our least popular love language to receive is acts of service. We enjoy doing things for others, and generally like being independent and feel bad when someone has to do something for us (though we appreciate the thought and it's sometimes unavoidable). As far as favorite love language to receive it depends on the person, I guess mine is words of affirmation.
As an ENTP I can only say that I feel loved when I’m not told how to conduct myself in conversations 🙈🤪
My husband was talked over twice ina a conversation this weekend and then told he needs to listen, he was so angry.
Honestly that's the only part of the video that I would nuance haha !
Please be honest with me, even if that means shattering my views. Respect is key however, as INFJ I do love a good argument when I know my side will be heard and considered as well
Me too, love a good argument
@@EIIy Agreed. I always tell people to please be straight-forward with me. I don't want to spend many nights wondering whether or not I did something wrong.
And I don't know if it's just me, but are INFJs competitive, because I do enjoy a good debate (even more so if it results in me converting-and/or- corrupting the opponent).
Also, as an INFJ with a dark sense of humor, I tend to find the sarcasm that ENTPs use to be quite attractive.
I appreciate that you broke it down, and are very indepth. Also, it's very interesting that INFJ's are very similar. Thank you for this.
Dear Kristin, this video is the exact thing I really needed right now 🙏💖
I really enjoy these type trends deep dives. I'm an INFJ and completely agree with your findings. We feel loved and valued when someone takes the time and effort to connect with us and understand us on a deeper level.
Oh gosh. Kristin, thank you so much for this video! A while ago, one of my friends stayed over at my house and I asked her to "interrogate me". I have asked her to do this many times, maybe because in my little tangled up socially awkward (At least inside) overthinking brain, if someone wants to know or talk to me, they will. Even though that is not how it is with me, as there are many people that I wish to know and talk to and get their numbers and have deep conversations and laugh with, I don't. I'm an INFJ, have taken different tests and spent much of my free time (and not so free time) researching, reading, and learning about mbti, listening to other INFJ points of view to see if they line up with mine, and these answers for how to feel loved are exactly how I feel! I love your videos and shared Christian viewpoint, love your accent, thank you for all your time and hard work ❤
edit. Another example is my friend texting me asking what brand of ACV gummies I get, because she passed them in the grocery store and thought of me. this made me feel very randomly loved and made me laugh :)
Teenage INFP male here, this very informative video is just wonderful! Really looking forward to seeing more of your MBTI lesson in this series! You never fail to brighten me up, no matter what topic. (Another couple of paragraph early warning...)
I feel that almost everything that the INFJ answers listed down in what they want/look for the most in relationships is exactly what I prioritize in doing myself, not only in relationships(currently single, waiting for my perfect soulmate), but also in friendships, since I tend to shy away from "loose" connections with others and would definitely prefer to have few, but deep, meaningful connections with those I've grown to care for the most.
And when it comes to MBTI usage, I actually barely think about it in my everyday life and social surroundings, like I don't try and analyse everyone and figure out what their types are. But in my time alone, it's when I go deeper into MBTI, mostly on researching my type and finding traits, strengths and weaknesses that show me that there are ways for me to improve, and other traits that aren't really unusual. I genuinely don't know, is this an unhealthy usage of MBTI? Some confirmation if it is or not would definitely help.
You're definitely not using MBTI in an unhealthy way, I think self-improvement should come first and that's what you're trying to do.
You don't need to be psychoanalyzing everyone you meet, although I find myself doing it all the time. I start to feel as though I'm watching everyone as if I were in the 4th dimension -- that is to say, I feel invisible but see and understand people from every perspective.
Maybe INFJs can see into other people's soul, but sometimes it's just better to get to know someone until they let you into their soul, wherein you will find the "perfect" soulmate. That is, knowing nobody is perfect of course.
So ummm, what I mean is of course you're not misusing MBTI because you're not actively using it to psychoanalyze people.
- INFJ that just very recently found out he's not an INFP
@@absolutelypointlessvideos707 Oh, thank you so much for valuable reply! Really appreciate it. Glad to know I'm not misusing MBTI.
And yes, I do understand nobody's perfect. But I feel like, when people say someone's "perfect" to them, it most likely means that whatever imperfections or issues their significant other maintain don't bother them as much, if at all, and are willing to look aside them, appreciating them for who they really are.
...this is coming from an idealist though, so don't take my perspective entirely as legit...
@@dennmart5147 Yeah absolutely! Or maybe rather accepting that their imperfections is part of who they really are.
I'm an idealist too so I guess neither of us can confirm if this is an accurate depiction of reality HAH
@@absolutelypointlessvideos707 You and mean both, man. Glad to have interacted with another idealist!
Mirroring is an underestimated subject. As an INFJ feeling misunderstood and not heard is standard operating procedure. When someone accurately mirrors back what we’ve shared feeling or what we say, it’s huge! Hand written cards, thoughtful gifts (a gift without thought is merely just a purchase) or evidence of being thought of…like the “This made me think of you” is the home run. Being able to mirror back something we mentioned liking months ago, that’s remembered and found for us…that’s the key to our heart type of stuff.
Oh yes! xNFJ teachers! In my (INTP) experience, they're in the minority of teachers, but they tend to really stand out in that crowd. I remember one ENFJ teacher I had in middle school in particular. As much as I HATED school, I respected teachers who were actually knowledgeable and capable, and Mrs DeRubertis (RIP as of 2021) was AMAZING in those regards, and deeply committed to doing the best job she possibly could. She was one of the finalists from Washington (the state) for going up in the Challenger space shuttle... which, fortunately for her and for those who knew her, she didn't end up doing (Challenger exploded on takeoff in '86, killing everyone on board).
I have very little in common with xNFJs, as I tend to be far more cynical than they when it comes to the systems they champion, but I'm a huge admirer of their dedication to making an actual difference in people's lives.
As a fellow INFJ this video made me feel so happy and understood 🤍
Ni Fe Ti Se approved!
I did read the whole file and watched the video and agree with it.
Two additions:
A way of being recalled in Se we will accept (or I would) is being called by our name, having a hand wave or a touch in the shoulder.
There are things that are not related to temperament but love language. Mine is physical for example. Hug me.
Now I will wait for the video about ENTPs 😁 but actually it's so sad, that I can't show this video to my loved ones, cause I don't want to bother them and grab their attention with my feelings 😥 (INFJ)
Kristin, thank you so much for this video!
Surprisingly, this kinda means the world to me.
Can't wait for the subsequent videos on the series, to learn how I can better show love to some people in my life...
This Video is 100% INFJ-approved. 😜Although I am the worst at reaching out to people, but that's probably my ADHD.
I am also awful at reaching out, haha... I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, but learning that I can easily get overwhelmed. I think mine is more anxiety-related ^_^ We just do the best we can!
Hope you have a good day and are well!
@@DawnsTower Oh, I can relate so much to the anxiety part! Yes, so true ❤️ Have the best day, too!
I can't say anything else, just a thank you Kristin for doing this project!
I love this idea for a video series! I can't wait to watch the rest as they come out!
As an infj, I do agree with fellow infjs that answered your question. I often don't feel I'm heard or feel like what I'm thinking or saying is a good idea. I always hide what I'm thinking because people don't take the time to care or understand my thoughts or feelings.
I love how Kristin is wearing her ENFJ outfit for this video 👌
Since I think you covered pretty well what INFJs love, let me tell you what I (as one single INFJ) hate.
While being in a relationship, I noticed that I absolutely cannot stand it if someone makes fun of my ideas, dreams or fears.
You can make fun of me, but making fun of ideas/suggestions of mine without actually thinking and reflecting on them really pisses me off. It's even worse for my dreams, fears and traumas.
For instance, due to several bad experiences with infectious diseases, I am might be "overly cautious" using hand sanitizer, avoiding raw food or trying not to go to the doctor in the middle of the winter unless absolutely nesseccary. I myself would love to simply not care about catching a bug, but I know how bad I went with several different infections in the past and I also have a family history of partially heriditary diseases which according to various scientific studies seem to be triggered by infections.
Bearing with all of that has already been hard enough so I don't need someone who is mocking me for "acting overly cautious" or for thinking that I might be more vulnurable than the average person.
fr you can get me a gift that costed even $ 1 aslong as the gift is an inside joke or a stuffed doll of my favorite animal, i will cry lol because i just go weak when someone shows they were actually listening to me or observing my likes & dislikes :)
This new series: 🤩
If XXXX said their thoughts out loud:🥺🙏
Typing Teas: ☠️
You just gotta accept that the apparent deaths of series' and then a spontaneous return of that series at a random future point is what comes with an ExFP content creator 🥲
@@dearkristin hahahaha no worries. I'm just tea-sing :D
Como uma INFJ, posso dizer que é difícil me fazer sentir realmente amada. Você pode conseguir hoje, mas é provável que eu duvide amanhã, dependendo do que aconteça.
Mas só o fato de se preocupar com isso e tentar genuinamente, já é mais do que quase todos fazem, e provavelmente também relevarei muitas falhas (que às vezes nenhum outro tipo relevaria), por amar essa pessoa e ver sinceridade nela.
After an E90 fast from podcasts, etc., listening to Dear Kristin again has been a wonderful way to celebrate Easter Joy!
Respect! for this series. This is the single most heartfelt video I've seen on CZcams. waiting for infp and INTJ episodes. - infp
To add my own answer “as an INFJ,” I think for me, I’d sum it up as “willingness to go on an adventure with me.”
That “adventure” might not necessarily be anything grand or crazy. It could just be watching a horror movie together that I really enjoy. It could be exploring a new town together. Going on a train ride -and uncovering the murder mystery that we happened to find ourselves in- and enjoying the scenery.
Just having someone who I can grow and experience things with, old or new, grand or mundane. That’s what makes me feel loved.
(I hope that makes sense. 😂)
The Fi in some of these replies 🤚😭 ik ik I'm biased because I favor my Ti (Ni and Ti are usually my highest function results) but c'mon yall... when I want people to understand my internal self, I mean my Ni-Ti theories and analyses... Maybe yall are INFPs, or even ISFPs who make the common mistake of seeing your tertiary function (Ni) as your dom or aux.
This is my Fe-Ti judging system and it is my right as an INFJ to whack yall with it! Whack! Whack!
Your earrings are so fun.
I think it so cool that you’re doing stuff like this, taking polls and gathering data from this community.
Infj here. I absolutely thought this video was great. I would say for me myself I dont do well with a lot of women and if I got one to give me the stuff mentioned she would be my princess.
My bf is an infj and I am an infp…I take him lunch or a coffee or a snack at work almost everyday to help keep him sane (“forced” break) but really it’s just an excuse for me to get a kiss and make his day… aaaanyway I had been I’ll for a few days and when I finally felt better I put myself together in the morning and looked freaking amazing!! He is hard to tell how he’s feeling inside because he’s so composed on the outside… so it’s fun to dress up or look cute and see if I can get him to crack a little smile or see his eyes light up… because I’ve learned that’s HUGE for an infj 😂 loooong story short… after I “wowed” him, I went home and impulsively organized my apartment and I was supposed to meet up with him when he got off work but I lost track of time and didn’t have time to get dressed up… so I was feeling shame and I didn’t smell the greatest after tearing my apartment up all day… I texted him a warning and I said,” FYI I looked like a princess earlier, but I look like a construction worker now.” And he replied,” You ALWAYS look like my princess 👸 💕 “
Awwwwww
One of many sweet things he says…
I love him so much! Just waiting for him to propose (1.5 years he’s my best friend and we love eachother so much…) like I told him,” You make all the ‘everythings’ my favorite things”
Infj/infp for life 😎
@@stephyLynn7 this is the good ending like damn. I need something like this. Last infp I dated was probably my favorite girl i had dated but she just randomly ghosted me
My first thought was bring me food, but I was hungry at the time. Listening to my opinions was my next thought.
This might just be me, but beware the hangry INFJ. When I don't eat enough, my Fe filter can fly right out the window. I have to remind myself to eat in part so I stay even-keeled. So the food thing does apply in these cases if we aren't in a position to feed ourselves at the time (working, etc.)
As an INFJ, thanks for this video, so cute 🥺🥰
Loved the video! I'm unsure whether I am an INFJ or not, but I have a great friend, who is highly intellectual and deeply empathetic.
We share our thoughts and ideas on any topic and talk for hours on the phone (We are long distanced friends) and with his help, I am learning more and more how to be vulnerable with others. My life changed (or is changing) for the better.
I feel loved and understood in this friendship. It's because we listen to each other. And he makes me laugh too.
Hoping I can give him the biggest hug when I go back home in August :)
I am really looking forward to the rest of this series moving forward Kristen, and as always, I appreciate you and your work
INFP here with INFJ partner. All of this feels very right on to me: Not being heard or appreciated, feeling constantly dismissed and taken advantage of, all of these are very common themes that come up. So it stands to reason that that longed-for validation, showing deep caring through knowledge of the person and actions that show thoughts of them, would most feel like love.
As an infj, I feel like as long as you are true to yourself and don't intent to harm my life or manipulate or copy me. Or gaslight my circle. Or harm someone in front of me, I can keep you off my head. and it's actually relaxing and nice and that's how I like someone more, and I will come to you, when you are nice and have found yourself.
#1 Exactly. As an infj we tend to be stoic and hard on ourselves when it comes to our own emotions. But we are very sensitive and carry a heavy load. And we need to talk through our feelings to process them. Its not easy being sensitive including feeling other peoples pain. But we don't trust our vulnerable side to just about anyone. You don't want people judging/critic*ising/rid*culing you for your thoughts and feelings (even if they are weird cause a non infj might not get/see what we do). For example, expressing a feeling to an estj and hearing "if somethings bugging you,do something about it or learn to live with it but don't sit here whining about it" is not a good response. Your infj had to take a leap off faith to entrust you with their vulnerability....pun*shing them for it isn't the right move. Even though I understand where the estj is coming from. He meant to help....in his way. But expressing a feeling isn't "whining". Sometimes you can't life with it...nor do something about it and talking about it actually is "doing something about it in order to life with it".
Also if we entrust you with thoughts and feelings we hide from the world....don't go around betr*ying your infj's trust by blabbing them around. If we wanted everyone to know them...we would have expressed them ourselves. You've been let into a secret world...behave yourself.
Know that its the biggest compliment and sign of love and trust if your infj is (emotionally) vulnerable near you. They are used to being peoples free shrink....if we LET YOU be ours....be grateful for the opportunity...not many get it...and she might not let you in again in the future. If you can bring emotional peace to an infj....you won over your infj.
A lot of these overlap with my own (INTJ). Though not entirely the same. Probably because lead Ni.
Infj here :) Thanks for amazing video! One answer from some fellow infj caught my attention and it's the one saying that they love when people ask about them, how they feel, how are they doing etc. I am the same. When I try to get to know someone I always ask questions about them in order to show that I am interested in them as a person. I guess that's the reason why I love when someone shows interest the same way.
Thank you Kristin. I cried. This is exactly how I want to be valued and listened to. I can confirm I am an INFJ
Sometimes we really do ruminate and find it difficult to be grounded in reality.. grounding is often required.. as we live abstractly .. & because spiraling into depression is common.
But when we love its deep as it wide, glorious... And if loved in return, theres nothing an infj wouldnt do for others. The comments are validating especially on doing everything with intent, I often wondered why I never just do things.. my INTENTIONS towards those i love have to be pure and not be malicious or harmful.. My struggles with depression and severe physical pain have always influenced how love or respond to affection, because i never want to harm or drag someone down with me...