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INTJs aren't so difficult for us INFJs, we have similar interests, we both speak Ni, we understand one another, and we can play of each other. I love talking to INTJs, you guys are just so freaken awesome.
INTJ here. It is true INFJs and INTJs make awesome conversation together. Speaking from experience. The downside is the chances of an INTJ and INFJ crossing paths and then engaging with each other is very very rare.
”Ok, I felt this, and I recognize on an internal level that I feel this. I don’t wanna talk about that, it’s MY feeling. It’s not a feeling that I feel like needs to be shared.” The accuracy here made me chuckle. 😅
I had this co-worker who was telling the rest of us about a family member she'd confronted for mistreating their dog & how that person then went on to frequently bug her with random ads that they'd send to her phone, and I remember all I could do was stare at her while thinking "wait, does she want advice...?" I was practically speechless because advice was the only thing I could think of to say but I wasn't sure if that was the appropriate response!
I had a conversation with my husband (INFP) early on about whether or not it bothered him that I was reserved about expressing or discussing emotional matters… that I was more pragmatic and solitary about it. I’ve had friends criticize me for this, tell me I wasn’t open enough about my feelings, and I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing differently. He said that didn’t bother him at all and he has never complained about it. It is a relief, for sure.
Isfp here, someones insecurity aint grounds for entitlement. It just means you need to further understand. Theres a difference between a feeling type and someone who needs more attention due to issues they need help with or possibly issues that will make the relationship not work out.
When your friends say you that to you, tell them this, "That sounds like a problem for you. You should do something to solve that problem, because it's not a problem for me." If someone has an issue with the way you are, that, by definition, is *their* problem, not yours. You are not obligated to fix it for them.
@@SlimThrull I wouldn't even bother saying it because most likely they won't understand anyway and surely get offended. It's a fact - it's their problem. All one can do is to ask them not to tell you stuff like that. If they truly respect their counterpart, they will stop. Criticising someone for the way they are is pointless and inappropriate.
Im an INFP male, my wife is an INTJ also - we don’t have many problems with the reserved emotions. I think the INTJ emotional state is semi transparent to an INFP so tend to notice a problem and ask a question and if she wants to talk about it she will. When my wife is expressing FI i have pointed out previously that the shitshow she is dealing with at that moment is my lead function and how messed up it gets at times 😂.
Asking someone to do something after they have finished their thing and not while they're doing it is the only right thing to do. It's also a matter of respect. I also hate being thrown into chaos by such actions of other people. I can deal with people getting emotional but not too much and too often, even my Fe can't handle it. But yeah, I get along with INTJs pretty well because I respect their time and also like focus and order and am generally not a fan of huge displays of emotion (although they're appealing on some level - but balance is the key word here). It's true - INTJs will know if something is a real emergency and will be there for you when you need them and their approach will be on how to solve the problem - which is what I mostly need in any kind of situation. This approach also makes me feel less emotional about whatever the topic was. Maybe I'm not typical but I don't like hearing "I understand how you feel" because, first, no you don't (unless you've been through the same thing as I which in most cases you haven't), second - it doesn't give me any way for how to deal with the problem. I feel like this phrase is uttered way too often and I interpret it as another way of saying "I don't actually give a shit about you and your problem but will pretend to act as if". Another one is "sorry you went through that" - I don't need pity, I need a way forward. I understand that often this comes from a good place, it's just not my vibe. Now no one's gonna believe me I'm actually a feeling type (INFJ), lol :) Getting the The INTJs I know to have a conversation about one of my particular interests sometimes succeeds but to get them to actually engage in it in the real world is impossible which always makes me laugh because their reluctance to Se a bit is for no reason at all and therefore the way they say no is always funny to me :)
I've read other types of people such as INFJs, INFPs and ENFPs online report that they understand their INTJ friend/bf/gf better than a lot of other people around them because although while they have a hard exterior, they may have a very soft interior that not a lot of people get to know about. I've even heard them being called some of the more genuinely warm people as opposed to supposed "fake" warm of Fe users(not my words). There are some INTJs who may seem to be cold throughout, or maybe we're not close enough to know them. A lot of others may be like the examples I've read about. I'm a bit unsure about this one.
As a "fake warm Fe" INFJ (haha, jokes of course) I like INTJs very much. If you don't expect gushing emotions you'll do just fine with them as their understanding of humanity is inward bound and may not be visible at first glance but when you're close enough to them, you will see that they care about others, maybe even more than some people of other more emotionally expressive types. Some of course will be cold inside and out but I guess they're not the healthy ones anyway. I think INFJs, INFPs and ENFPs may understand INTJs better because of them being Ni dom / Ne dom / having Ne high in the stack. It's the intuitive style that drives this understanding.
I think it depends on the beholder of the perceived level of warmth. As an INFJ-A and a mother of an INTJ, I can say that some people would not perceive my son as being particularly warm. They may be starting at +20 “warmth”. I always start at 0, on all fronts, when I’m reading a person (observing and objectively judging and analyzing traits). Another poster who identifies as an INTP said she perceives her INTJ spouse as being the more emotional one, of the two of them. Perhaps she’s starting from a personal -10 or possibly even lower on the “warmth” scale. I genuinely believe it’s far more about who’s judging the INTJ’s level of perceived warmth. They are how they are, accept it or don’t, but please just understand that it is what it is. I wouldn’t want my son to change himself. Luckily, I don’t believe there’s much chance of that ever happening.
This is why my INFJ sister and INTJ brother are best friends. I'm a third wheel as an INFP, but I was also born when they were in their late teens. Our other siblings don't mesh with us much.
I am new to the company and I have this INTJ colleague who told me one day that he really likes the way I work and would like to collaborate more. Then he arranged for a few one to one sessions with me and introduced me to some new theories and ideas about a project he has in mind. We usually make a video call to catch-up, he sends the invite, sets up the call etc. But recently he has been cancelling on me last minute! It has happened 3 times! He is never too apologetic about cancelling, he just casually says sorry and gives some lame reasons, atleast I think they are lame! He also offers to arrange another call some other time and mostly follows through. But this time he did not arrange the call and I am just waiting to see, what he will do next? I dont know what to make of all this! I am starting to think that maybe he wants to get out of our regular catch-ups, but he does not have the strength/courage to say it to my face, because of being so polite. Could this be true?
Regardless of his MBTI type, this behaviour is unacceptable it could be a sign of underlying Cluster B type personality. It is known empathetic people with high level of agreeableness are drawn to Cluster B types and visa versa. Respect yourself enough to walk away from this person. Cluster B can be very good at making at people feel special(they need too otherwise they'd have no relationships because of their darkside). They tend to shit on people and then make them feel special to woe reel them back in or make them feel special and then shit on them. Empaths because they are deeply understanding will stick around because they see how the cluster b is hurting and want to fix them. People who have had more assertiveness training in relationships will not stick around by the cluster b behaviour. Also this maybe a pattern in your life and thus you could attract these people. I would recommend you do some assertiveness training. You can find CZcams videos. Jordan Peterson talks alot about it.
Yes! It's awful to expect us INTJs to pretend we are something we aren't. I actively avoid people who try to push me into emotionally charged situations. Interrupting me when I'm trying to concentrate is awful. Even if I love the person interrupting me, I' m going to be angry with that person for interrupting me, but I'll try to hide my anger. Taking an interest in something I do for fun and asking if you can join me in it like strategy games, gardening, archery, etc. is the best way to get to know me and spend time with me. Those are the times when I'm more likely to accept the presence of another person.
I sort of do agree with this as a very general description of INTJs but I think you're painting with rather broad strokes when it comes to everything you've said regarding Fi. In my opinion, how influential Fi is to an INTJ differs from person to person and is also dependant on other factors like their enneagram type. Most INTJs are 5s, and your statement that INTJs usually ignore their feelings and values is probably correct for INTJ 5s. However, when it comes to other enneagram types, especially the sx variants, I think the focus on values and such can be much higher than what you've said. I'm an INTJ but also a 1w2 so I place a great emphasis on the things I value and I can get pretty emotional if I encounter something I morally disagree with and such. I also think you saying that INTJs are always just cold and distant is wrong tbh. Ofc there aren't like any studies done on this, so I can't give you evidence other than personal observations I've made being in the mbti community for like 2.5 years; from my experience it's generally true that INTJs get a lot warmer towards close friends and such people, and the coldness others see is only because they're not a close person to the INTJ in question. Again I think maybe enneagram has something to do with your conclusion, and if you had accounted for it, you'd have ended up with a more correct conclusion.
I listen to you,this topic you are soo right,i feel that way 🙏 i think i function like this ,my focus is on what i planned or organize to do,to get distracted with other stuff to do just not going to okay for me, will find myself like train one wheel off the rails, Because of this next time i will keep away from you, i comfortable place in box of not being healthy for me ❤ thanks again
For anyone saying Sasuke isn't an INTJ...remember there are different subtypes of INTJ (CPT) those who are more Ni-Fi convergents, some like Ausura more Te-Se convergent, ambiverts who border ENTP, those closer to ISFP etc. Contrary to popular MBTI belief primarily INTJs are convergent abstract feelers with Fi at the behest of an experiential Ni agenda and concrete thinkers with Te-Se divergence...'NT' is misleading as strictly speaking they are not abstract thinkers - that the INFJ (not the mistyped ones who make up the majority) who are Ni-Ti convergent.
You're a bright guy, and you do make a number of good points, but I have to question a few things. You're right that intjs don't necessarily want to share their fi with just anybody. They are particular about who, when, where they share their fi. However, as someone in a relationship with an enfj, you understand that Fe doms need their significant other to be more expressive when it comes to how they feel, as well as showing gratitude. I would have to question what you say as far as intjs just being themselves versus trying to become better versions of themselves. You're right that nobody should have to completely change who they are to satisfy someone else. On the other hand, it almost sounds like you don't really have a growth mindset when it comes to your own development. Like you seem to think you should just stay where you're at, and other people have to mold to you. It is your business and the business of your wife if that's how you go through life. I would have to question how constructive that outlook is. Furthermore, I question how much intjs actually hide their fi. I think it actually comes out more than you seem to understand, it's just that it's very subtle. Intjs want to increase the standard of living for the people they care about. They aren't necessarily going to be emotional in the way we colloquially understand being emotional, but their values are deeply important to them and I don't think they can hide their values or their fi as easily as you claim.
I think you bring up some great points here. I would like to point out that the topic of this specific video is "how to get to know an INTJ" - as in, this is for the perspective of someone attempting to get to know the INTJ, not the other way around. If an INTJ is struggling with developing or maintaining social/emotional relationships, then there would need to be some work done on their part. This video is intended to provide insight into how to make the process as painless and easy to the approaching individual. In terms of Fi, I think you are right in that Fi values bleed out through their actions - but that is the point. When they come out through actions (typically Te related, E.g., "this will make life easier for you) it is still not in the realm of more typical emotional expression, which is generally not comfortable to the INTJ.
@@AsuraPsych fair enough. I guess what I would say in addition to that is that I just think you perpetuate the stereotype that intjs are emotionless machines, when that is false. Forgive me if I'm wrong about that. Intj women, especially, can be very expressive. Margot Robbie, Scarlett Johansson, and Lily Collins are all intjs. Arnold Schwarzenegger is an intj. They can actually be very expressive, so much so they can come across like extroverts.
@_Hedura_ nope. You don't know proper typing methods. Arnold is an introvert. He has a preference for responding over initiating. I agree he can come across as extroverted, but you have to keep in mind he's spent his entire life being in the spotlight and performing. You can't say he's not INTJ just because he likes to be in the spotlight. INTJs actually want to be in the spotlight, the thing is that very few of them actually develop their Se enough to where people actually want to pay attention to them. Most intjs live safe, boring lives. They aren't very interesting. Arnold is just an example of an intj who has spent basically his entire life developing his Se inferior to the point that it's aspirational.
Hi just like to add I'm a divergent ENFJ (CPT) and I hate emotional expressiveness in fact my lack thereof is deeply frustrating to my partner. Much is going to be contingent upon ones subtype, personality & enneagram (I'm a 5w6). Many ENFJs have blind Fi-Si meaning they struggle with their own emotional contingency. As Fe-Se convergents I pick up on emotional nuances very easily however subtle so I don't require big emotional displays.
Partially applies to INTJs as they cannot be generalized with in terms of their personality, same with all other types. Enneagram or personality if you will is what is being discussed and while most INTJs have a few common(for them) enneagram/personality types which give impression that a cognitive type is always such a way, it sadly isn't so. Quite commonly INTJ artists don't belong in this category as they tend to be a bit more Fi oriented, in search of that connection with others, expressing themselves, it comes with enneagram four if you will. More commonly these would be musician INTJs, but even taking those into account, you will find a fair share of more stereotypical enneagram 5 INTJs in that hobby/profession. Thought this was useful to add for all those that are lingering around CPT channel and saying "I never resonated with cold, math type of INTJ, it all makes so much sense now Harry!" haha. I do disagree with Fi third, I don't think Te trumps it, because often Te does not come as easily as Fi does, looking at Fi it is usually very clear and it drives the whole of the person, seemingly it is a balanced axis, so I would agree with Jung on this. It is just that Fi being a second introverted function next to their dominant would be more prominent but not as apparent as it is introverted. While Te being extroverted is quite noticable and is a primary expression tool, so it seems as if it has a higher purpose, but often you see Te in ENFPs to a stronger degree than you do with INTJs, it is just different. The distant element is similar to IxFPs actually, while they are more Fi oriented by the sheer fact that it is dominant, you would certainly say ENFP is more commonly emotionally expressive in comparison to an INFP and that isn't surprising looking at the introverted/extroverted dichotomy. It also isn't surprising INTJs type as INFJ and INFJs type as INTJ for example, it is the middle axis which is the hardest to type on a test. So the way it seems to me from a perceived view, in an introvert, the two introverted functions are conscious as they are flowing in the same direction, while the extroverted ones are unconscious, but as you need to engage the extroverted realm you engage the two and it happens all the time as you are a functioning human being. Same with the other four functions you "don't have", they all play a role in your life but in a different way. As far as enneagram/personality again, it could be responsible for which of the two functions from the balanced axis is more prevalent in the person.
I do believe fi in intjs isnt just "also has fi" its a little more specific. People have made cazy elaborate and overcomplex reasons for feeling types being thinking ones with this mentality of "oh but feelers also think and thinkers also feel" yes we need to eliminate false dichotomies, but an intj is not just "emotional sometimes" like its not just descending order, the authority function really does well... act as an authority lol
@@Raphsophomes Thank you for replying. So for what I wrote, I can add that this is based on accumulated patterns of types and on what the functions are. They present something closer to what Jung implied, meaning that there is a balanced axis rather than 1234 order of the myers and briggs. I just don't subscribe to what MBTI represents, I do however understand it can be hard to cut out the four letter codes from our minds, as we associate types and stereotypes based on the code, so it is hard to move past that, as much as they are not correct for everyone, but is correct for certain more popular enneagram types. I think it would be more accurate to call someone an introverted intuitive(INxJs) type, introverted feeling(IxFPs) type, extroverted thinking(ExTJs) type, etc, because it does not create this confusion that might occur otherwise, since an INFJ isn't strictly a feeling type, some can be more so but some wont, in contrast an ENFJ will always be an extroverted feeling type, there is no simple alternative to their dominant nature. Usually this opinion finds resistance in those who see themselves as more stereotypical version of the type and don't want to muddle the waters, while it is supported by the less stereotypical but still accurately typed folk.
@@Diana1094 For example im an isfp but se is far less observable besides my value of physical appearance, and i am much more introverted as im an sp/sx E4 and just generally more of a well... subjective judging type. Se is not one of my main functions, it is simply how my cognition is counterbalanced, its a style of introvert. A lot of what asura and mbti says applies more generally, and i disagree with how he views fi in intjs on some parts. Mostly his whole "authenticity" thing. Id say authenticity is a byproduct of the cognition, not the function itself. In fact "authenticity" is such a vague word here im not entirely sure why its used so often. Seems extra. Authenticity is a pre existing construct of morality, this has nothing to do with fi but "tends" to seem this way. An estj can see authenticity as a value and necessary quality for something to work objectively or increase its value, te users are actually often full of these principals and ideas that help them react to the world around them with ease and comfort I think what "authenticity" means here is more so the inherent respect of emotion as a fundamental relevant portion of existence, and this directly contradicts what asura says. Asura believes fi is a "when they can" for intjs but i believe its more interwoven than that, i believe its more like they feel they're thoughts. Ni is inherently tied to emotion and feeling non archetypally but just generally
@@Diana1094 I understand why some people like to think of the 2nd & 3rd functions as two "auxiliaries" or two balanced functions, but I don't really see types like INTJs really demonstrating the same levels of depth or skill when it comes to Fi or the mental abilities associated with it compared to types that have it in their 1st or 2nd slot. (The same dynamic exists with each of the 16 types.) For this reason, I don't really agree that the "middle two" functions are as balanced as Jung suggested, at least not in terms of strength, raw power, or skilled usage. Do you?
@@Raphsophomes I agree, authenticity is a by-product, rather than inherent in the function and same goes for what you said about ESTJ example, that is indeed very likely. Also spot on in the last part, INTJs just reason their Fi far more than someone else might, it does not make it Te as the two are part of the axis, one does not exist without the other. Just like Ni is devoid of good observation without the use of Se. It is a shame last part of his video is extremely specific to him and not applicable to many other INTJs, almost making it a total inversion, a lie, incorrect patterns. From my experience, asura is a very particular INTJ, a rare breed that looks a bit more like some INTPs rather than more common versions of the INTJ. Mind you, I'm not saying anything about mistyping here, he is an INTJ, just a less common one that fits one end of the stereotypes and not the other.
I'm on the fence with being an INTJ or INFP. I think I lean more towards INFP as my TE is more of a weakness for me. But I recently took a love language quiz and acts of service was the main mode of communication love from others, so it was further confirmation for me when you mentioned someone can win over or get closer to an INTJ by easing a burden
I wouldn't use love language test result as an indicator of your MBTI, it's a completely different thing. I'm an INTJ and my main love languages are quality time and physical touch, acts of service is largely ignored and I hate ppl doing things for me without me asking cause it makes me feel like someone assumes my incompetence in caring for myself (though I admit suggesting helping out in the way Asura mentioned is okay and appreciated)
I’m an INTP, and for some strange reason my interactions with INTJ’s have been the two extremes. In my life time, I have sone great interactions with INTJ’s, like my hubby and my best friends of 20+ years, whilst at times, I have had very problematic interactions with them, like experiencing a very loud door slam due to something that I have said that they got really offended. One of them decided to unfriend me due to finding me too intense and tok difficult to understand. I wonder how is that as an INTP, whom is quite similar to them. 🤔
Having a same term that can gather a same minded people in one community doesn't mean that every INTJ individual will have same interests or habits. They may have similar life experience or common opinion on some things, it doesn't actually round them to be alike like same person. Every human have their own individual specialities or thinking process, even if similar with someone, it is not 100% same. So yeah, i guess maybe there wasn't a fate between you and that INTJ. No hate, just my thoughts!
@@conqueror9260 Yes, I that also makes sense as well, as some have had traumatic experiences, or may have had other personal experiences as such. In addition, many people do get mistyped as INTJ being the most desired of all the types.
INTJ and INTP aren’t remotely similar. The only common ground is the way they appear to the public, because of the extroverted Auxiliary. It’s ni te fi se vs ti ne si fe… so complete Opposites so to say.
@@darkengel1210 Perhaps you may be right. I know that people would initially as my INTJ hubby and myself are very similar at first glance, but once they get to talk to us more and have more of an in-depth understanding of how our minds work, they start seeing how hastily different we are.
I think, it would be so selfish when an intj doesn't want to meet his partner needs, just Bec. He's not like that, relationships is about the will of sacrifice a little and learn to make ur partner happy along u, soo we all have to change when it comes to entering relationships
If you want your friend or spouse to be an open expressive person that isn't uncomfortable or too private sharing their emotions then you shouldn't be chasing an INTJ at all. Don't meet in the middle. It's basically chasing an INTJ to expect them not to behave like an INTJ. It doesn't make sense.
I'd just add that appearances can be deceptive; in CPT cognitive ENFJs are espoused to be the most private of all the cognitive types...Fe doesn't actually pertain to externalising one's own emotions etc...Just because an ENFJ may appear warm & empathetic doesn't therefore mean that they're being genuinely authentic with you; whilst they don't set out to deceive what you see isn't necessarily what you get. Establishing social cohesion can be very much used as a tool to mask to the self and as with any type, we can show facets of ourselves to different people plus I find the concept of 'the self' too static anyhow. I don't actually find the few INTJs I know necessarily difficult to read or 'get to know'; indeed if you check out CPT there are some shared similarities between both cognitive types. Sure Ni-Fi isn't externalised but as a divergent ENFJ (5w6) whose Ni-Ti pairing is more convergent and who's Ni-Fi 'builds up in the background' they're not a type I find particularly elusive. Also worth noting they for the fighting ENFJ Fi-Si can be something of a blindspot so I definitely wouldn't talk about my feelings which my partner finds difficult. The types I struggle the most with are generally ESTJs and ISFPs. Ausura, I'm surprised you ascribe to the notion that functions are stacked in a 1,2,3,4 way; my Ti is actually the function I have the greatest mastery over, plus I have a highly developed Si-Ti convergent pairing. True, empirically what CPT has found is that roughly 20% of people (ie mature adults) struggle with their oppositional but it is inextricably linked to the dominant.
Sasuke is straight up a jungian introverted feeler as someone who has watched the show over 20 times, mbti maybe hes an intj image wise as an independent archetype if you believe they exist, but i believe hes if(n) or a jungian infj, as cpt put, isfps are the true infjs anyways. (Or certain subtypes) but your example served a good purpose that i agree with jus wanted to clarify lol. Most of what was true here applies to isfps as well. Isfps enter dormant states, sasuke is also generally a feeler even pre traumatic experience. Isfp here with all the details and empathetic insights into characters/ppl haha
Sasuke has got to be the most spontaneous, emotionally driven, chaotic, emotionally expressive, person who is ignorant of the consequences of his actions and the implications of his decision making process out of any alleged INTJ ever. Lol.
As an INFJ I can confirm that ISFPs are NOT the true INFJs. What even is that? I know a significant amount of ISFPs and apart from being feelers we're very different. Totally different cognitive functions and it shows.
@@friendlyanomaly6109 literally not expressive, jung never said fi is expressive, however he does prioritize his subjective value over objective ones. The way sasuke derives his subjective value is in fact se though not te as he doesn't value those things actively beyond his crafts
@@PriHL Your coming from mbti, im coming from the original system and cpt, mbti is completely garbage so your stereotypes do not apply to any of what i said.
@@Raphsophomes Did I say that Fi was expressive? Nah, g. I ain't saying Sasuke is not an Fi user, but I'm just saying that mofo goes out of his way to express feeling values moreso than what you'd expect from a real world INTJ. Doesn't have to be very emotional in the sense of laughing and smiling, but moreso a conveyance of mood or opinion about things. It can be in a very stoic manner, but it can still be considered a form of emotional expression. If ya catch muh drift.
0:57 "let's get into it" 0:59 "but before we get into it" Either that's a well made joke, or I should be concerned, either way, I don't appreciate that lmao.
Not all intj's are the same but at the base, they are. He's defintely an introvert and he does a lot of thinking to make his plans go right. Idk about his intuition and sensing.
Cold exterior, warm interior. I like confident, calm, blunt, honest, witty, quirky, thoughtful INTJs.
Are you an ENFP?
@@janeofthejungle4 INFJ
INTJs aren't so difficult for us INFJs, we have similar interests, we both speak Ni, we understand one another, and we can play of each other. I love talking to INTJs, you guys are just so freaken awesome.
Yes, until we don't have the same interests anymore.
@@FloatInJune Yes, that is possible
INTJ here and I feel the exact same way about INFJs
@@iiwokeup Hell yeah dude, you know I also can't help but to respect you guys too
INTJ here. It is true INFJs and INTJs make awesome conversation together. Speaking from experience.
The downside is the chances of an INTJ and INFJ crossing paths and then engaging with each other is very very rare.
”Ok, I felt this, and I recognize on an internal level that I feel this. I don’t wanna talk about that, it’s MY feeling. It’s not a feeling that I feel like needs to be shared.” The accuracy here made me chuckle. 😅
Glad to know someone recognizes that Sasuke is an INTJ 😂
Socionics and MBTI are two different species
I had this co-worker who was telling the rest of us about a family member she'd confronted for mistreating their dog & how that person then went on to frequently bug her with random ads that they'd send to her phone, and I remember all I could do was stare at her while thinking "wait, does she want advice...?" I was practically speechless because advice was the only thing I could think of to say but I wasn't sure if that was the appropriate response!
I had a conversation with my husband (INFP) early on about whether or not it bothered him that I was reserved about expressing or discussing emotional matters… that I was more pragmatic and solitary about it. I’ve had friends criticize me for this, tell me I wasn’t open enough about my feelings, and I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be doing differently. He said that didn’t bother him at all and he has never complained about it. It is a relief, for sure.
Isfp here, someones insecurity aint grounds for entitlement. It just means you need to further understand. Theres a difference between a feeling type and someone who needs more attention due to issues they need help with or possibly issues that will make the relationship not work out.
When your friends say you that to you, tell them this, "That sounds like a problem for you. You should do something to solve that problem, because it's not a problem for me."
If someone has an issue with the way you are, that, by definition, is *their* problem, not yours. You are not obligated to fix it for them.
@@SlimThrull I wouldn't even bother saying it because most likely they won't understand anyway and surely get offended. It's a fact - it's their problem. All one can do is to ask them not to tell you stuff like that. If they truly respect their counterpart, they will stop. Criticising someone for the way they are is pointless and inappropriate.
Im an INFP male, my wife is an INTJ also - we don’t have many problems with the reserved emotions. I think the INTJ emotional state is semi transparent to an INFP so tend to notice a problem and ask a question and if she wants to talk about it she will. When my wife is expressing FI i have pointed out previously that the shitshow she is dealing with at that moment is my lead function and how messed up it gets at times 😂.
I also found that INTJ’s tend to be generally more emotional than us INTP’s.
@Holly Fortenberry Lol. My INTJ partner thinks I complain more than he does, but I tend to disagree. 😆
Well intj have their feeling function in tertiary while intp in their inferior lol
Asking someone to do something after they have finished their thing and not while they're doing it is the only right thing to do. It's also a matter of respect. I also hate being thrown into chaos by such actions of other people.
I can deal with people getting emotional but not too much and too often, even my Fe can't handle it.
But yeah, I get along with INTJs pretty well because I respect their time and also like focus and order and am generally not a fan of huge displays of emotion (although they're appealing on some level - but balance is the key word here).
It's true - INTJs will know if something is a real emergency and will be there for you when you need them and their approach will be on how to solve the problem - which is what I mostly need in any kind of situation. This approach also makes me feel less emotional about whatever the topic was. Maybe I'm not typical but I don't like hearing "I understand how you feel" because, first, no you don't (unless you've been through the same thing as I which in most cases you haven't), second - it doesn't give me any way for how to deal with the problem. I feel like this phrase is uttered way too often and I interpret it as another way of saying "I don't actually give a shit about you and your problem but will pretend to act as if". Another one is "sorry you went through that" - I don't need pity, I need a way forward. I understand that often this comes from a good place, it's just not my vibe.
Now no one's gonna believe me I'm actually a feeling type (INFJ), lol :)
Getting the The INTJs I know to have a conversation about one of my particular interests sometimes succeeds but to get them to actually engage in it in the real world is impossible which always makes me laugh because their reluctance to Se a bit is for no reason at all and therefore the way they say no is always funny to me :)
I've read other types of people such as INFJs, INFPs and ENFPs online report that they understand their INTJ friend/bf/gf better than a lot of other people around them because although while they have a hard exterior, they may have a very soft interior that not a lot of people get to know about. I've even heard them being called some of the more genuinely warm people as opposed to supposed "fake" warm of Fe users(not my words). There are some INTJs who may seem to be cold throughout, or maybe we're not close enough to know them. A lot of others may be like the examples I've read about. I'm a bit unsure about this one.
As a "fake warm Fe" INFJ (haha, jokes of course) I like INTJs very much. If you don't expect gushing emotions you'll do just fine with them as their understanding of humanity is inward bound and may not be visible at first glance but when you're close enough to them, you will see that they care about others, maybe even more than some people of other more emotionally expressive types. Some of course will be cold inside and out but I guess they're not the healthy ones anyway.
I think INFJs, INFPs and ENFPs may understand INTJs better because of them being Ni dom / Ne dom / having Ne high in the stack. It's the intuitive style that drives this understanding.
I think it depends on the beholder of the perceived level of warmth. As an INFJ-A and a mother of an INTJ, I can say that some people would not perceive my son as being particularly warm. They may be starting at +20 “warmth”. I always start at 0, on all fronts, when I’m reading a person (observing and objectively judging and analyzing traits). Another poster who identifies as an INTP said she perceives her INTJ spouse as being the more emotional one, of the two of them. Perhaps she’s starting from a personal -10 or possibly even lower on the “warmth” scale. I genuinely believe it’s far more about who’s judging the INTJ’s level of perceived warmth. They are how they are, accept it or don’t, but please just understand that it is what it is. I wouldn’t want my son to change himself. Luckily, I don’t believe there’s much chance of that ever happening.
This is why my INFJ sister and INTJ brother are best friends. I'm a third wheel as an INFP, but I was also born when they were in their late teens. Our other siblings don't mesh with us much.
I started understanding my feelings better as I gained life experience. I was almost 35 years old before this process became apparent.
I am new to the company and I have this INTJ colleague who told me one day that he really likes the way I work and would like to collaborate more. Then he arranged for a few one to one sessions with me and introduced me to some new theories and ideas about a project he has in mind. We usually make a video call to catch-up, he sends the invite, sets up the call etc. But recently he has been cancelling on me last minute! It has happened 3 times! He is never too apologetic about cancelling, he just casually says sorry and gives some lame reasons, atleast I think they are lame! He also offers to arrange another call some other time and mostly follows through. But this time he did not arrange the call and I am just waiting to see, what he will do next?
I dont know what to make of all this!
I am starting to think that maybe he wants to get out of our regular catch-ups, but he does not have the strength/courage to say it to my face, because of being so polite. Could this be true?
Regardless of his MBTI type, this behaviour is unacceptable it could be a sign of underlying Cluster B type personality.
It is known empathetic people with high level of agreeableness are drawn to Cluster B types and visa versa.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from this person.
Cluster B can be very good at making at people feel special(they need too otherwise they'd have no relationships because of their darkside). They tend to shit on people and then make them feel special to woe reel them back in or make them feel special and then shit on them.
Empaths because they are deeply understanding will stick around because they see how the cluster b is hurting and want to fix them. People who have had more assertiveness training in relationships will not stick around by the cluster b behaviour.
Also this maybe a pattern in your life and thus you could attract these people. I would recommend you do some assertiveness training. You can find CZcams videos. Jordan Peterson talks alot about it.
that's toxic af. I value and respect my time so I'm expecting others to do so for me and for me to do to others as well. -intj
I’m reading this 4 months after it was posted and I’m curious to know if this was ever resolved.
I can totally resonate with this, LOL. Thanks for making another great video!!
Sasuke thumbnail is good lol. Very nice video
Yes! It's awful to expect us INTJs to pretend we are something we aren't. I actively avoid people who try to push me into emotionally charged situations.
Interrupting me when I'm trying to concentrate is awful. Even if I love the person interrupting me, I' m going to be angry with that person for interrupting me, but I'll try to hide my anger.
Taking an interest in something I do for fun and asking if you can join me in it like strategy games, gardening, archery, etc. is the best way to get to know me and spend time with me. Those are the times when I'm more likely to accept the presence of another person.
good to see you again
I sort of do agree with this as a very general description of INTJs but I think you're painting with rather broad strokes when it comes to everything you've said regarding Fi. In my opinion, how influential Fi is to an INTJ differs from person to person and is also dependant on other factors like their enneagram type. Most INTJs are 5s, and your statement that INTJs usually ignore their feelings and values is probably correct for INTJ 5s. However, when it comes to other enneagram types, especially the sx variants, I think the focus on values and such can be much higher than what you've said. I'm an INTJ but also a 1w2 so I place a great emphasis on the things I value and I can get pretty emotional if I encounter something I morally disagree with and such. I also think you saying that INTJs are always just cold and distant is wrong tbh. Ofc there aren't like any studies done on this, so I can't give you evidence other than personal observations I've made being in the mbti community for like 2.5 years; from my experience it's generally true that INTJs get a lot warmer towards close friends and such people, and the coldness others see is only because they're not a close person to the INTJ in question. Again I think maybe enneagram has something to do with your conclusion, and if you had accounted for it, you'd have ended up with a more correct conclusion.
yes,that's the type of intj i like😁
Feels nice to be seen!
I listen to you,this topic you are soo right,i feel that way 🙏 i think i function like this ,my focus is on what i planned or organize to do,to get distracted with other stuff to do just not going to okay for me, will find myself like train one wheel off the rails, Because of this next time i will keep away from you, i comfortable place in box of not being healthy for me ❤ thanks again
For anyone saying Sasuke isn't an INTJ...remember there are different subtypes of INTJ (CPT) those who are more Ni-Fi convergents, some like Ausura more Te-Se convergent, ambiverts who border ENTP, those closer to ISFP etc. Contrary to popular MBTI belief primarily INTJs are convergent abstract feelers with Fi at the behest of an experiential Ni agenda and concrete thinkers with Te-Se divergence...'NT' is misleading as strictly speaking they are not abstract thinkers - that the INFJ (not the mistyped ones who make up the majority) who are Ni-Ti convergent.
5:40 I should have a ring ready to propose to anyone who says that to me.
This is how I approach my ENFJ too.
You're a bright guy, and you do make a number of good points, but I have to question a few things. You're right that intjs don't necessarily want to share their fi with just anybody. They are particular about who, when, where they share their fi.
However, as someone in a relationship with an enfj, you understand that Fe doms need their significant other to be more expressive when it comes to how they feel, as well as showing gratitude. I would have to question what you say as far as intjs just being themselves versus trying to become better versions of themselves. You're right that nobody should have to completely change who they are to satisfy someone else.
On the other hand, it almost sounds like you don't really have a growth mindset when it comes to your own development. Like you seem to think you should just stay where you're at, and other people have to mold to you. It is your business and the business of your wife if that's how you go through life. I would have to question how constructive that outlook is.
Furthermore, I question how much intjs actually hide their fi. I think it actually comes out more than you seem to understand, it's just that it's very subtle. Intjs want to increase the standard of living for the people they care about. They aren't necessarily going to be emotional in the way we colloquially understand being emotional, but their values are deeply important to them and I don't think they can hide their values or their fi as easily as you claim.
I think you bring up some great points here.
I would like to point out that the topic of this specific video is "how to get to know an INTJ" - as in, this is for the perspective of someone attempting to get to know the INTJ, not the other way around.
If an INTJ is struggling with developing or maintaining social/emotional relationships, then there would need to be some work done on their part.
This video is intended to provide insight into how to make the process as painless and easy to the approaching individual.
In terms of Fi, I think you are right in that Fi values bleed out through their actions - but that is the point. When they come out through actions (typically Te related, E.g., "this will make life easier for you) it is still not in the realm of more typical emotional expression, which is generally not comfortable to the INTJ.
@@AsuraPsych fair enough. I guess what I would say in addition to that is that I just think you perpetuate the stereotype that intjs are emotionless machines, when that is false. Forgive me if I'm wrong about that. Intj women, especially, can be very expressive. Margot Robbie, Scarlett Johansson, and Lily Collins are all intjs. Arnold Schwarzenegger is an intj. They can actually be very expressive, so much so they can come across like extroverts.
@_Hedura_ nope. You don't know proper typing methods. Arnold is an introvert. He has a preference for responding over initiating. I agree he can come across as extroverted, but you have to keep in mind he's spent his entire life being in the spotlight and performing. You can't say he's not INTJ just because he likes to be in the spotlight. INTJs actually want to be in the spotlight, the thing is that very few of them actually develop their Se enough to where people actually want to pay attention to them. Most intjs live safe, boring lives. They aren't very interesting. Arnold is just an example of an intj who has spent basically his entire life developing his Se inferior to the point that it's aspirational.
Hi just like to add I'm a divergent ENFJ (CPT) and I hate emotional expressiveness in fact my lack thereof is deeply frustrating to my partner. Much is going to be contingent upon ones subtype, personality & enneagram (I'm a 5w6). Many ENFJs have blind Fi-Si meaning they struggle with their own emotional contingency. As Fe-Se convergents I pick up on emotional nuances very easily however subtle so I don't require big emotional displays.
we are not cold or unempathetic
Partially applies to INTJs as they cannot be generalized with in terms of their personality, same with all other types. Enneagram or personality if you will is what is being discussed and while most INTJs have a few common(for them) enneagram/personality types which give impression that a cognitive type is always such a way, it sadly isn't so. Quite commonly INTJ artists don't belong in this category as they tend to be a bit more Fi oriented, in search of that connection with others, expressing themselves, it comes with enneagram four if you will. More commonly these would be musician INTJs, but even taking those into account, you will find a fair share of more stereotypical enneagram 5 INTJs in that hobby/profession.
Thought this was useful to add for all those that are lingering around CPT channel and saying "I never resonated with cold, math type of INTJ, it all makes so much sense now Harry!" haha.
I do disagree with Fi third, I don't think Te trumps it, because often Te does not come as easily as Fi does, looking at Fi it is usually very clear and it drives the whole of the person, seemingly it is a balanced axis, so I would agree with Jung on this. It is just that Fi being a second introverted function next to their dominant would be more prominent but not as apparent as it is introverted. While Te being extroverted is quite noticable and is a primary expression tool, so it seems as if it has a higher purpose, but often you see Te in ENFPs to a stronger degree than you do with INTJs, it is just different. The distant element is similar to IxFPs actually, while they are more Fi oriented by the sheer fact that it is dominant, you would certainly say ENFP is more commonly emotionally expressive in comparison to an INFP and that isn't surprising looking at the introverted/extroverted dichotomy.
It also isn't surprising INTJs type as INFJ and INFJs type as INTJ for example, it is the middle axis which is the hardest to type on a test.
So the way it seems to me from a perceived view, in an introvert, the two introverted functions are conscious as they are flowing in the same direction, while the extroverted ones are unconscious, but as you need to engage the extroverted realm you engage the two and it happens all the time as you are a functioning human being. Same with the other four functions you "don't have", they all play a role in your life but in a different way. As far as enneagram/personality again, it could be responsible for which of the two functions from the balanced axis is more prevalent in the person.
I do believe fi in intjs isnt just "also has fi" its a little more specific. People have made cazy elaborate and overcomplex reasons for feeling types being thinking ones with this mentality of "oh but feelers also think and thinkers also feel" yes we need to eliminate false dichotomies, but an intj is not just "emotional sometimes" like its not just descending order, the authority function really does well... act as an authority lol
@@Raphsophomes Thank you for replying. So for what I wrote, I can add that this is based on accumulated patterns of types and on what the functions are. They present something closer to what Jung implied, meaning that there is a balanced axis rather than 1234 order of the myers and briggs. I just don't subscribe to what MBTI represents, I do however understand it can be hard to cut out the four letter codes from our minds, as we associate types and stereotypes based on the code, so it is hard to move past that, as much as they are not correct for everyone, but is correct for certain more popular enneagram types. I think it would be more accurate to call someone an introverted intuitive(INxJs) type, introverted feeling(IxFPs) type, extroverted thinking(ExTJs) type, etc, because it does not create this confusion that might occur otherwise, since an INFJ isn't strictly a feeling type, some can be more so but some wont, in contrast an ENFJ will always be an extroverted feeling type, there is no simple alternative to their dominant nature.
Usually this opinion finds resistance in those who see themselves as more stereotypical version of the type and don't want to muddle the waters, while it is supported by the less stereotypical but still accurately typed folk.
@@Diana1094 For example im an isfp but se is far less observable besides my value of physical appearance, and i am much more introverted as im an sp/sx E4 and just generally more of a well... subjective judging type. Se is not one of my main functions, it is simply how my cognition is counterbalanced, its a style of introvert.
A lot of what asura and mbti says applies more generally, and i disagree with how he views fi in intjs on some parts. Mostly his whole "authenticity" thing. Id say authenticity is a byproduct of the cognition, not the function itself. In fact "authenticity" is such a vague word here im not entirely sure why its used so often. Seems extra.
Authenticity is a pre existing construct of morality, this has nothing to do with fi but "tends" to seem this way.
An estj can see authenticity as a value and necessary quality for something to work objectively or increase its value, te users are actually often full of these principals and ideas that help them react to the world around them with ease and comfort
I think what "authenticity" means here is more so the inherent respect of emotion as a fundamental relevant portion of existence, and this directly contradicts what asura says. Asura believes fi is a "when they can" for intjs but i believe its more interwoven than that, i believe its more like they feel they're thoughts. Ni is inherently tied to emotion and feeling non archetypally but just generally
@@Diana1094
I understand why some people like to think of the 2nd & 3rd functions as two "auxiliaries" or two balanced functions, but I don't really see types like INTJs really demonstrating the same levels of depth or skill when it comes to Fi or the mental abilities associated with it compared to types that have it in their 1st or 2nd slot.
(The same dynamic exists with each of the 16 types.)
For this reason, I don't really agree that the "middle two" functions are as balanced as Jung suggested, at least not in terms of strength, raw power, or skilled usage.
Do you?
@@Raphsophomes I agree, authenticity is a by-product, rather than inherent in the function and same goes for what you said about ESTJ example, that is indeed very likely. Also spot on in the last part, INTJs just reason their Fi far more than someone else might, it does not make it Te as the two are part of the axis, one does not exist without the other. Just like Ni is devoid of good observation without the use of Se.
It is a shame last part of his video is extremely specific to him and not applicable to many other INTJs, almost making it a total inversion, a lie, incorrect patterns. From my experience, asura is a very particular INTJ, a rare breed that looks a bit more like some INTPs rather than more common versions of the INTJ. Mind you, I'm not saying anything about mistyping here, he is an INTJ, just a less common one that fits one end of the stereotypes and not the other.
Most of this is right except the sterotypical they have little to no feelings part.
Exactly as Ni-Fi convergents this just isn't the case. I'd have Ausura down as a divergent Te-Se subtype of INTJ (CPT).
Have you ever been in love?
I'm on the fence with being an INTJ or INFP. I think I lean more towards INFP as my TE is more of a weakness for me. But I recently took a love language quiz and acts of service was the main mode of communication love from others, so it was further confirmation for me when you mentioned someone can win over or get closer to an INTJ by easing a burden
I wouldn't use love language test result as an indicator of your MBTI, it's a completely different thing. I'm an INTJ and my main love languages are quality time and physical touch, acts of service is largely ignored and I hate ppl doing things for me without me asking cause it makes me feel like someone assumes my incompetence in caring for myself (though I admit suggesting helping out in the way Asura mentioned is okay and appreciated)
Ne-Si is completely different to Ni-Se
It's hard to imagine an INFP mistyping as an INTJ, or vice versa. INFP mistypes as INFJ seems relatively common, though.
You have an INTJ in your life? Are you sure they know you exist?
I’m an INTP, and for some strange reason my interactions with INTJ’s have been the two extremes. In my life time, I have sone great interactions with INTJ’s, like my hubby and my best friends of 20+ years, whilst at times, I have had very problematic interactions with them, like experiencing a very loud door slam due to something that I have said that they got really offended. One of them decided to unfriend me due to finding me too intense and tok difficult to understand. I wonder how is that as an INTP, whom is quite similar to them. 🤔
Having a same term that can gather a same minded people in one community doesn't mean that every INTJ individual will have same interests or habits. They may have similar life experience or common opinion on some things, it doesn't actually round them to be alike like same person. Every human have their own individual specialities or thinking process, even if similar with someone, it is not 100% same. So yeah, i guess maybe there wasn't a fate between you and that INTJ. No hate, just my thoughts!
@@conqueror9260 Yes, I that also makes sense as well, as some have had traumatic experiences, or may have had other personal experiences as such. In addition, many people do get mistyped as INTJ being the most desired of all the types.
INTJ and INTP aren’t remotely similar. The only common ground is the way they appear to the public, because of the extroverted Auxiliary. It’s ni te fi se vs ti ne si fe… so complete Opposites so to say.
@@darkengel1210 Perhaps you may be right. I know that people would initially as my INTJ hubby and myself are very similar at first glance, but once they get to talk to us more and have more of an in-depth understanding of how our minds work, they start seeing how hastily different we are.
I think, it would be so selfish when an intj doesn't want to meet his partner needs, just Bec. He's not like that, relationships is about the will of sacrifice a little and learn to make ur partner happy along u, soo we all have to change when it comes to entering relationships
If you want your friend or spouse to be an open expressive person that isn't uncomfortable or too private sharing their emotions then you shouldn't be chasing an INTJ at all. Don't meet in the middle.
It's basically chasing an INTJ to expect them not to behave like an INTJ. It doesn't make sense.
I'd just add that appearances can be deceptive; in CPT cognitive ENFJs are espoused to be the most private of all the cognitive types...Fe doesn't actually pertain to externalising one's own emotions etc...Just because an ENFJ may appear warm & empathetic doesn't therefore mean that they're being genuinely authentic with you; whilst they don't set out to deceive what you see isn't necessarily what you get. Establishing social cohesion can be very much used as a tool to mask to the self and as with any type, we can show facets of ourselves to different people plus I find the concept of 'the self' too static anyhow. I don't actually find the few INTJs I know necessarily difficult to read or 'get to know'; indeed if you check out CPT there are some shared similarities between both cognitive types. Sure Ni-Fi isn't externalised but as a divergent ENFJ (5w6) whose Ni-Ti pairing is more convergent and who's Ni-Fi 'builds up in the background' they're not a type I find particularly elusive. Also worth noting they for the fighting ENFJ Fi-Si can be something of a blindspot so I definitely wouldn't talk about my feelings which my partner finds difficult. The types I struggle the most with are generally ESTJs and ISFPs. Ausura, I'm surprised you ascribe to the notion that functions are stacked in a 1,2,3,4 way; my Ti is actually the function I have the greatest mastery over, plus I have a highly developed Si-Ti convergent pairing. True, empirically what CPT has found is that roughly 20% of people (ie mature adults) struggle with their oppositional but it is inextricably linked to the dominant.
I have a question that Levi is INTJ or INTP?
ISTP
🤗👍
Sasuke is straight up a jungian introverted feeler as someone who has watched the show over 20 times, mbti maybe hes an intj image wise as an independent archetype if you believe they exist, but i believe hes if(n) or a jungian infj, as cpt put, isfps are the true infjs anyways. (Or certain subtypes) but your example served a good purpose that i agree with jus wanted to clarify lol. Most of what was true here applies to isfps as well.
Isfps enter dormant states, sasuke is also generally a feeler even pre traumatic experience.
Isfp here with all the details and empathetic insights into characters/ppl haha
Sasuke has got to be the most spontaneous, emotionally driven, chaotic, emotionally expressive, person who is ignorant of the consequences of his actions and the implications of his decision making process out of any alleged INTJ ever.
Lol.
As an INFJ I can confirm that ISFPs are NOT the true INFJs. What even is that?
I know a significant amount of ISFPs and apart from being feelers we're very different. Totally different cognitive functions and it shows.
@@friendlyanomaly6109 literally not expressive, jung never said fi is expressive, however he does prioritize his subjective value over objective ones. The way sasuke derives his subjective value is in fact se though not te as he doesn't value those things actively beyond his crafts
@@PriHL Your coming from mbti, im coming from the original system and cpt, mbti is completely garbage so your stereotypes do not apply to any of what i said.
@@Raphsophomes
Did I say that Fi was expressive?
Nah, g.
I ain't saying Sasuke is not an Fi user, but I'm just saying that mofo goes out of his way to express feeling values moreso than what you'd expect from a real world INTJ.
Doesn't have to be very emotional in the sense of laughing and smiling, but moreso a conveyance of mood or opinion about things.
It can be in a very stoic manner, but it can still be considered a form of emotional expression.
If ya catch muh drift.
🧀
0:57 "let's get into it"
0:59 "but before we get into it"
Either that's a well made joke, or I should be concerned, either way, I don't appreciate that lmao.
Sasuke is ISFP though. Otherwise good video.
Sasuke ISFP
Sasuke isn't intj guys, he's Isfp
To all you in the comments, sasuke isnt ISFP. Take all your dumb arguments to PDB
take a lot of time to talk about real things.
sasuke aint no intj... he just has emotional damage.
Sasuke is a stereotype of unhealthy INTJ, just stop already. I'm done with PDB stereotyping.
Not all intj's are the same but at the base, they are. He's defintely an introvert and he does a lot of thinking to make his plans go right. Idk about his intuition and sensing.