MONTESSORI AT HOME: How to Stay Calm as a Parent
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
- MONTESSORI AT HOME: How to Stay Calm as a Parent
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#montessori #montessoriathome #montessoritoddler
I absolutely love how you never put your daughters in a negative light. You use stock photos when you're talking about behavior that is frustrating. It is so dignified and respectful to them. You use pictures of your children doing things that are good or helpful. Very useful tips as well. Thank you for your continued well organized videos.
I literally just walked away from the dishes and was like nope I wanna sit in the tub while baby is asleep! Right before you said leave the chores and take some me time 🤣🥰 felt like validation that I was on the right path lol
Ashley, you have no idea how incredible the timing of this video is! I've been so on the edge for the past 4-5 days even though I'm trying so hard not to be hard on myself. The last part you added was JUST so reassuring to me. I'm a human. I'll make mistakes. I'll learn from it. You have no idea about the gratitude and love I have for you for this video ESPECIALLY and also the other content you make!
Same here mumma
belive it or not :D my best way to stay calm is water. If i feel the wave of getting angry, tired, overwelmed or whatever coming, i will wash my face, put cold water on my neck, wash my hands or feet and drink water. If i have a really bad day, i will just make a break and take a cold shower, its pure gold and so healthy as well
One thing that helps me, is to remind myself that I can’t control my child or how they behave, but I can control myself and my response to them.
Great advice :) I would like to add, that if you have a reeeaally hard time calming down or a really bad habit that creeped into your behavior even though you really don't want to act that way, you can always seek professional help :) there is absolutely no shame in that :)
Yes.
This video is worth hundreds in professional help.
This video came on time for me. I’m home with my 2 1/2 year old and 7 1/2 month old. I love my children to death and back. Everyday is so testing. From being tired to crying/tantrums to chores it’s hard for me to get through the day keeping my cool. I’m praying I’m working on it. I’m definitely here for the advice and I will be sharing this with my husband as well.
I have been working on this endlessly since becoming a mother. I have come to realise that I am often overwhelmed from a sensory point of view and I am afraid I am failing. My expectations of how I parent are very high too so I take any hiccup very personally. I work to overcome these feelings every day but it's HARD. The fact that any parent even thinks of these things shows that we care enough to want to improve.
@@sarahgoddard1213 completely my situation!! Totally with you, feel guilty all the time, sensory and anxiety here. My main focus in raising her is kindness and sometimes I can't fufill my own expectation. I feel helpless. Why can't I always be pleasant and kind? Confusing and frustrating.
This video is so helpful and validating. Ashley has been my main source of parenting advice since I became a mom a month into the pandemic. If you see this Ashley, I am so grateful you share your knowledge and advice 🧡
You’re so welcome! ☺️
Thank you for these reminders. I used to be a child behavioral therapist working in an acute locked psychiatric facility with a lot of reactive patients. Parenting is so much harder. There are zero breaks, you never have time off. I’m struggling bc we have had both of my sisters move away out of state and don’t have any other family support. I’m on an island. Alone. Deep breaths don’t always come as easily.
What I’ve done recently is wake up earlier even if it hurts at first lol just so that I know I’ve had SOME time for myself otherwise it feels like Groundhog Day. Every single day.
Sending love ❤️to all the momma’s who have to do this totally alone. I get you.
I needed this. I'm in tears watching this
You give the best advice! My kiddo is 15 months today and sometimes staying calm is sooo hard 😭
This is absolutely the most meaningful advice I have received in a very long time. I most commonly lose my chill due to fear. For example, the most epic breakdown is happening in costco and I am calmly talking to my child and modeling- attemping to guide, but the onlookers are harsh (verbally or visually), and I start questioningting myself and methods "am I doing the right thing?" "am I totally screwing this up?" Do you second guess yourselves in public places? Or even infront of family who has different views on authoritarian parenting. How do you deal with that? I find I am questioning my methods daily, which is rooted in fear. Thank you again for sharing your learnings and experiences.
She talked about this too - meltdowns while shopping. The best thing to do is to drop everything, get out to your car or somewhere where you and your baby get the privacy. Nothing is more annoying than to have someone over your shoulder or listening nearby what and how are you saying things to the "manipulative" kid. At the end of the day you SHOULD teach him/her a LESSON lol (old mentality is so funny to me). You need a space where no judgements can be met from outsiders. You'll work better with the kid this way for sure. Then you can go inside and continue the shopping (if both calmed down) or don't look back and go home. I'm sure workers will take take of your abandoned shopping cart ;)
I think information is the key to that problem! Learn as much as you can about positive discipline. Take Ashley's Positive Parenting course. Read Janet Lansbury's books. Become confident in your knowledge. It's your family and your baby. It doesn't matter what strangers or family think. How many books have they read? How many courses did they take? You do what you believe is right and you are much more informed than any of them 😁
I feel you. It's hard especially when it's family. Especially when I was very new to motherhood, now 16 months later, it's still hard when my mother in law looks on because we are on a walk. It feels like I had to deal with extra stress when my toddler is already throwing a tantrum. She is polite enough to not say too much but I can feel. Like yesterday my girl was having a hard time getting into the stroller. Then I find myself giving in and forcing it and of course it didn't turn out well. Then on the way back, I told my girl that we will leave in 5 minutes and just briefed her through the whole thing and gently place her in and she was ok. Then my mil said "Oh see, sometimes we have to tell them what to do." (what she meant was, MAKE them.). I tried to gently tell her that it was calm because I got her to participate instead of making her. It is a work in progress, for me, for my confidence and also to just let the comments slide sometimes. Overtime, your confidence will grow as you will see how your child reacts when not MADE to do and when needed, given help to follow through. The tantrums will be less and shorter if any. Hugs.
Definitely need to hear these things over and over again. I’ve also found that I have a lot of sensory triggers that make me lose my cool very quickly, so when I come home from work I change clothes so nothing fits tightly, I put in noise reducing earplugs, and open all the windows to cool the apartment down. Sound, heat, and touch are things I can’t deal with so I do what I can to help lower and remove the issues to give myself just a little more patience
I recently heard of the term "Co-regulation is" defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (Murray et al. 2015, 14). How we regulate ourselves can provide the best example to our children on how to handle situations that are emotionally intense. This is what I try to remember when I am about to react to a situation in a way that I would not want my daughter to react the same way. Thinking that how we self-regulate helps (or not) our kids to regulate themselves alongside helps me to act better. Still, this needs a lot of practice.
Such an important video Ashley!! For self-care time we started to do "Mama and Papa" break. My breaking point every day is around dinner time. We are blessed to be able to have dinner as a family. And after dinner I get 30 minutes of "Mama break" while my kids have time with their dad who they don't see all day. And then we switch and my husband takes 30 minutes. In this time I paint and puzzle, I meditate or dance to some awesome music etc. That gives me sooo much energy and patience for bedtime. Can highly recommend it. Our toddlers also start doing their "toddler breaks" where we need to stay out of the room, they really enjoy it as well.
How old are your toddlers? Mine is 16 months and WILL not be left alone.
@@dawnforlife they are 4 and 2. The breaks are mostly around 3-5 minutes and they are not allowed to lock the door of their room (which of course is child proof). With 16 months they were not interested in that and I wouldn't have left them unsupervised either!
@@jasminm8784 haha thanks for sharing!
@@jasminm8784 9
😍 love it, I’ll will have to try this too. I will soon be a mama of 2 little girls (2 yr old & a newborn).
Look at all these amazing mamas getting better every single day 💓
❤️
Fighting my own traumas and bad habits especially still living with my mum.
The best reaction i have had at my woooorrrst was just freezing literally with anyone else i would blow up and start ranting repeating evrything i grew up with but with Huda i just froze and i felt so proud of myself then i said what i wanted to say.
Thank you! So much needed advice. I am 5 days in my c-section recovery and the whole situation has been crazy with my 3 years old son. We are trying to calm orselves and give him some grace since we put him in this situation. Today we gave him more attention and he had a better attitude. Thanks Ashley, for being so real.
Hey Tania, as a mom of two young children, I would guess that maybe your 3 year old is maybe scared because mama went away and then came home with a boo-boo and now someone else gets the majority of her attention. And 3 year olds still go through separation anxiety. He might be scared that you will go away again or is scared of your c section boo-boo because you’re not able to be the mom he’s used to. 3 year olds really can’t understand the situation of a pregnancy.
I hope things will get better, I am Praying for your family.
Exactly the same with us....
Hard times.
Great video thank you 😍 lots of food for thought, great timing too. Im a mummy of nearly 18 years and our youngest is nearly 5. She has a rare genetic syndrome which causes her to have developmental delays in all areas, learning difficulties, visual impairment etc. She is around 14 months cognitively and is pre-verbal (🙏 she learns to talk in time), she feels frustrated lately, has to isolate often due to her blood condition, shes unwell lots and trying hard to communicate/talk. Being her very sleep deprived mummy, peri menopausal hormone changes and never having a break has certainly been a learning curve with all of her additional needs 🤪. Is there any other parents of disabled children here? Id love to chat if there is 😍 x
You're absolutely amazing. Your doing Gods work helping parents out there manage this very hard part of the job❤️
Years later, there is no one who can put video like this! Thank you!
Thank you for this video. It's a great reminder for me when im having a tough time to give my children, and myself, grace. I'd also add that for anybody who experienced abuse (including verbal because it took me a long time to realize it wasn't normal and to not dismiss it) or trauma (no matter how long ago it was) to seek help from a therapist. As you said, challenging behavior from our children can trigger a response that is similar or the same as how we were raised so it's imperative to work through the trauma(s) we experienced in order to move forward and break the cycle of generational abuse. It's hard work but, our children are worth it and so is our mental health.
I am here bawling. Thanks so much for this video. I am currently 6 months pregnant and my daughter is about to turn 3 and we are all recovering from COVID. My dad has been in and out of the hospital from complications and we all caught it during a trip to Disneyworld, so we were already exhausted to begin with. Luckily, we are all feeling well as far as COVID goes, but my daughter has been having the worse tantrums ever. My husband and I have been losing it on her so much and I feel so guilty. I feel at the end of my rope 24/7. Thanks for always being an inspiration and for sharing these tips. I am taking notes to share with my husband.
I truly enjoyed this video! So humbling to remind myself everyone has to remind themselves and do these strategies to be calm. Not always coming naturally! ❤️
Thank you so much for this video! It is quite a culture shift (in the US at least) for parents to work to understand their child instead of merely reacting to their surface behaviors. This is why Brene Brown speaks so much on the power of connection and bravery to show up authentically in hard moments. It is not easy but it’s so important to show our children their value in our eyes. 🙏🏽
Thanks for the video and this is exactly what i needed for the moment!
Yessss to this inner work talk 🙌🏻 👏🏼 so happy you are talking about this !
This is definitely one of my favorite videos from your channel. I have a 1.5-year-old little one and another due in March and I'm striving to develop more gentle/respective parenting strategies, all while learning more self-control and self-regulation. Thank you so much for sharing what has helped you.
Seriously just in time! I really needed this today! Thank you! ❤🤗
Hey thanks so much for this video Ashley. Thanks for the tips on the self-care and also on how to calm down when a child is at your Breaking Point. Always enjoy your videos.
I've listened to your videos along time ago, and when i become a mother, I want to use this teaching method (the legal and safe way, not other's abusive way). Thank you so much for being on CZcams with this! I wish i was raised in a house like this! At least I'll be able to teach my kids to not have my childhood, and to have the best childhood
I haven’t even watched this yet, Ashley, and I’m already so thankful you made it. I’ve needed this.
It really is one of the hardest jobs. Thank for sharing your thoughts and approach on this Ashley
I really needed this today. Thank you so much for all the content you put out and thank you for being so real. ❤️ also I really can’t wait to buy your book. I’m not much of a reader since I’ve had kids but I’m going to 1000% carve out time to read yours!
Just finished reading Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids so these tips are fresh on my mind. They have helped so much recently!
Thank you for this video! So important to let people know that life cannot be always perfect even if you do everything right.
I do really love this. I want to add that losing your temper etc much easier than usual may also be due to post-partum depression and/or anxiety. It's often overlooked and it's important to catch because you really need extra support in that situation from medical professionals.
That’s true! And if you don’t have the typical village support, it can be especially hard
Thank you Ahley, such a helpfull video not just to deal with children but with tense situations with adults as well. In a time when everything/everyone is so polarized, sometimes leaving the place physically and coming back is the best solution to not lose your temper.
Thanks so much Ashley! Your message was so truthful and sincere, absolutely loved it. Perfect timing!
Thank you so much for this video! It’s nice to know that everyone makes mistakes. I know a lot of moms feel so much guilt all the time for not being perfect or loosing their temper. Keeping calm and not getting frustrated is the hardest part of being a parent to me.
I had a rough morning with my daughter before I left for work today. As soon as I saw the title of this, your latest video, I immediately felt a little relief just knowing I would be getting sound advice for an immediate problem I am having from a mother I have trusted for advice since the beginning of my journey of motherhood. Thank you, Ashley
I’ve never clicked on a video so fast 💨…thanks for this video!! My toddler (24 months) has melt downs every day after she gets home from day care
Thank you so much Ashley! I literally needed to hear this today, I have been watching your context since my son was born and I really love your videos!! Thank you so much ❤️
This was so helpful. I love that you covered everything from prevention strategies to what to do if you lose your cool. I'm going to watch this again and take notes!
Thank you, Ashley! A great sum up of techniques and I especially love the idea of little questions to ask yourself. Having now an 11 week old baby in addition to my two year old I am facing a new level of stress. Luckily my toddler reminds me of the "not an emergency" thing herself sometimes. Like, when I ask her, whether she did *whatever* although I just asked her not to, she just tells me "yes, mommy, but it's not a big deal". I usually have to agree...
Ashley, I have never commented before but this is seriously the best video you have ever made! Thank you so much for sharing 💕 I can't wait to implement every single one of these to be the best parent and mother I know I can be 🥰
I’m so thankful for this video. I often fall into the trap of assuming what we see in your videos is everything that’s happening and I’m constantly asking myself how does Ashley do it so easily and never lose her patience and be so level headed all the time?? Thank you so much.
My 16 month old is SUPER strong willed and knowing that she are having a hard time really helps me take that needed deep breath AND when all fails, I just hold her and let her cry. Sometimes it's 10-20mins but if I am there, non judging and not trying to fix it or her, it passes.
This is such a great video! I think it's so important to remember that everyone struggles with parenting, and we are all human, even the "perfect" Montessori home. I love how you give grace and provide helpful strategies! I think as moms we can forget #5, time to yourself, but for me that can make such a big difference in my outlook on parenting.
I love how thorough you are, and give exact details about everything, while watching I was actually thinking of what I should do for myself in my self care time, and was pleasantly surprised that you are giving also examples, really helps😁 the sleep part is correct, it's past midnight when I am writing, so I should make sure I get more sleep, as it is quite difficult staying calm when you are tired. Thank you so much for your videos, I find them really helpful.
Yayyy ! So happy you put this up!
Ashley I love your channel! It's so inspiring and always brings a new insight. Thank you ❤️
This is the most helpful parenting piece of advice I've ever heard. Thank you!
Oh my I needed this video. Today I literally lost it, feeling horrible. You're an amazing mom I get lots of points from you. Thank you for this.
So important. Thank you Ashley!
When I find myself feeling grumpy, saying No without first considering what the reason is for "No" vs. "Yes" or when I lose my cool with my toddler - I often ask myself 2 questions -- When is the last time I ate something? Have I been outside today?. Generally, one of those 2 things will help me regain my composure, regulate my mood and overall help me to maintain my positive relationship with my daughter.
Thankful for you and all you give, I really needed this. You are truly loved 🌷💓
Thank you! I really needed these tips. My 18 month old is approaching a tantrum-y stage/giggling when I tell her to please stop feeding the dog pancakes for the 10th time. She understands a lot of what we say, but hasn’t developed impulse control or a way to express emotions fully… that’s got to be so tough for a little one!
Fortunately we have had a lot of success with respectful parenting, giving choices, and baby sign language. I think we avoided a lot of problems before they had a chance to start, but there are still plenty of daily challenges!
@kayla b that’s a great tip, I will try it out! Thanks!
I preordered your book and I cannot be more excited!! Thank you ❤️
Hi Ashly, thank you so much for this, I found it quite therapeutic, especially as it gave a sense of solidarity by and with all the parents out there. I actually played it on loop for some time to let it sink in 🥰
Just what I needed today....going to reflect and try to implement some of these strategies!
Just preordered your book! Thanks for another wonderful video!
I just want to say thank you. Such valuable information and wisdom.
Im so happy you wrote a book! I jist pre-ordered thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us!
Quality content again Ashley. Thank you for putting all of this incredible information into one well spoken video.
Ashley, THANK YOU 💜🙏
Thank you so much. I keep watching this video to help me frame my child's behaviour. Thank you for being real and relatable.
Literally have been saving this for my evening (decaf) coffee break before i reset the kitchen and can read a book on the same topic. I have been in such a need of this
Hahaha I was actually recommending this channel to another mum in the mall today describing how Montessori uses positive discipline when this video was posted😅 it was a good coincidence. Im always having the same conversation with whoever is in the baby bathrooms with us🙈 just hope at least half the women stsrt watching these videos for their sake and the their children's needs too.
you have no idea how much i needed this video❤thank you
I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Before knowing Montessori, I thought a lot about how I wanted to raise my kids (that haven't arrived home yet...), and the method really resonates with me. The way you explain it is excellent, very down to Earth, clear, concise, and brought to us with a lot of experience. I so enjoy watching these videos in preparing for our child(ren) to come into our family. Thank you!
Such good advice and worth revisiting every now and then as well!
I recently listened to my first audible book and it has changed my relationship with my toddler. I am now listening to it with my husband. It’s How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen. I can’t tell you how many tantrums I have avoided using the tips and suggestions I this book. I HIGHLY recommend!!
I needed this in my life.
This was so helpful for me today. I have been struggling with implementing montessori in my home and a lot of it has been around comparing where we are with other families. I take on the blame in my mind that I'm doing something wrong but I am starting to realize it's a trigger I have to try and keep up with everyone else. This was such good advice!
This is amazing - thank you for creating this!!
It is so important to remember we all mess up. And you were wise to remind everyone that children need to know we are not perfect so they don't hate us as adults who have just discovered our true failures, weaknesses. Yet it is a wonderful teaching opportunity to model for them 'fessing-up to our mistakes and apologizing and trying to make whatever it is right. They have to learn these life skills and not shrug off hurts inflicted or harms done over time.
Just pre ordered your book so stoked for it!
You are really sweet and reassuring! I appreciated the video.
Thank you so much for the guidance. Very much appreciated. ❤️
Thank you Ashley for this great video!
Just what I needed. Thanks again Ashley! Will try the tactics immediately :)
Thank you for yhis video, Ashley! So helpful and a great reminder for me to go back to
I needed this today. Thank you!
Great video! Thank you. Love the Montessori series. I would love a video about following the child when it comes to activities, how to choose what to put out, especially when it comes to homeschool. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to figure it out.
I'm saving this and watch it daily to remind myself. 🥰❤️
This was presented in such a personable and honest way that the message was well received. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and experience! I'm definitely saving this video to watch again later
I needed this! I'm a mom of 3 and whenever I lose my cool I am so hard on myself and feel like a horrible mother. Thank you.
This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you
I needed to see this. ❤ Thank you.
Thank you so much for these tips and tools. I was just praying on this topic today and, of course, God’s divine intervention put this video in my feed. It’s just what I needed to hear. I will practice all of your advice and I know it will make me a better person and parent.
Thanks for the reminder
Omff
These two phrases have been the main phrases i have repeated to myself and even had them on the fridge! The Montessori notebook ladies really changed a lot for me but these phrases were key for me personally.
'They're not giving you hard time, They are having a hard time'
Ie. 'This isn't about me'
'This too shall pass'
'This isn't about me' !! Hahaha again
Verryyyyy helpful. The main reason we have difficulties with other people is because we assume their intentions instead of taking a moment to enquire about it and figure out what was really happening for them too. Its so harrrd though not so much with my Toddler because i know what she has been through throughout the day and what her schemas are at the moment or what else happened leaving up to it but with others their experiences are unknown to us and its harrd.
Excited for book!!!
Mommy devotionals are amazing before the kids wake up! Find a mommy friend and do it together ❤️🩹🥰
🙏🙏🙏 Thank You Ashley! 💗💗💗
Perfect Video AGAIN… as usual 🥰😍 I am soooo in love with you and your family Ashley ❤️ you have been giving me so much inspiration for my (now 1 year old) son and of course I am still improving 🙈 just wanted to tell you which great influence and impact you have UNTIL GERMANY ❤️ sending biiiiiig love to you ❤️ Mela
Thanks for the great parenting advice!
Thank you so much for keeping it honest and real. I plan to practice some of your tips to make,not a perfect househole, but a peaceful one xo
This was lovely!
It's really nice to hear from a fellow Montessori mama that it's okay to put them in a safe space and leave for a couple of minutes if that's what you need for your sanity and their safety. I always feel so guilty, but I'd also rather not accidentally snap and do or say something that'll scar her forever💜✨
Thank you SO much for this ❤️
Thanks for this video, i really needed it