Why So Many Marriages are Failing and the Solutions! | Qari Ishaaq Jasat (Full Podcast)
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Ustadh Shabbir is joined by Qari Ishaaq Jasat, where they identify some of the reasons why marriages are failing and discuss ways people can make their marriages stronger.
00:00 - Intro
02:38 - Receiving 13 divorce cases in one month
06:22 - Is marriage difficult?
10:21 - Why marriages are breaking down - some examples
17:49 - Be clear about expectations BEFORE marriage
20:21 - Marriage requires constant learning
25:01 - Why some marriages don't last for more than 2 years
34:42 - Why you should never compare your spouse to someone else!
38:35 - Arguments sometimes happen
42:21 - Marriage is a lifelong responsibility
43:59 - Belittling your spouse is really bad
44:40 - Men want respect, and women want love
48:18 - You are a team after getting married
56:54 - My Qur'an Journal
You can purchase My Qur'an Journal at: www.getmyquranjournal.com
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Marriages breakdown because people don’t interview the person they’re marrying. They don’t get character references, They don’t ask important questions like do you pray, what is your aqeeda, what sheikhs do you take your deen from, how many children do you want to have, do you want me to work or stay at home etc.
The person might be an abuser in a previous marriage, an adulterous or a weed addict but because you didn’t do your due diligence you won’t know til after the nikkah.
Another reason is there is less arrange marriages now. Arrange marriages work better (when the two people are put together for the right reasons) because they tend to be more compatible.
My ex husband is a very good liar even when it was about Deen. Sooo maybe we women should ask for proof. Like: asking to go through his what's app to confirm that he doesn't talk to women. Wish I had done that rather than believing him 😞. People need to be honest from day 1 otherwise how do u want it to work
Marriages fall apart because men have no conditions and women too high. The average woman today believes that she is better than the average man. And as long as it is, nothing will change. No man has to prove anything to a woman. The other way around, yes.
You probably are as good as him at lying that's why you were both married@@coumba5527
@@coumba5527my ex wife was a lying cheating narcissistic woman who pretended to be Muslim. Be careful out there brothers and sisters
@@coumba5527husbands who commit zina in marriages are the worst wallahi
If you’ve even gotten married, you’re so blessed wallahy. Don’t ruin it. Remember how painful it is to be single and trying to find a partner.
True
Also remember how painful it is to be betrayed etc or hurt by another , put yourself in the shoes of your spouse . In islam compassion and empathy is very important especially towards your spouse .
We need to protect our gaze, men and women
Marriage is built consistent, rahma ,honesty, And appreciation if you don't have that the marriage is easily broken.
Marriage is a long term commitment. You should work as a team to try and fulfil each other’s rights, raise your children together and have mercy and compassion for each other. Husband helping wives at home , woman being respectful and not making crazy demands. Communication and trying to understand each other really helps too.
marriages are breaking down because there is no modesty and shame in society anymore
Islamic rules within marriage don’t exist anymore
Wife excepting to go to work and earn like a husband
Husband is expected to take care and help his children aka wife duties
@@piqueny8872 how can the mans income alone pay for all of the expenses when the government prints more money out of thin air and this causes the purchasing power of the money that he earnt to reduce. So he then needs more and more money to pay for his families expenses. You cannot only implement what you like from islam and leave the rest. You have to implement islam completely. In the time of the prophet saw and in the time of the sahaba gold and silver was money. There was no worthless paper money that has no intrinsic value so one man could pay for all of his families expenses because he was earning real money
@@piqueny8872 most men are not having the Qualities of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, were is fear Allah with regards to women. How many women get married and he well leave her and she is in a bad situation with no home and money so why you don't see through another person eyes. Most men can't be trusted no more
@@Noodles-bn9ug I get what your saying this is why I understand why women ask for large mahr for fear the husband might leave her or remarry.
No men don’t have the quality of our prophet Muhammad( Saw) decades ago mothers lives off endless gov assistance so they husband was able to have one job
Now women are expected to work and still follow Islamic rules aka housewife/ parent duty cuz the gov aren’t financially providing
And the husband doesn’t want to follow Islamic rules too
Men are expected to help physically at home and with the kids to balance out the work load
Ego tripping and social media materialistic capitalism had destroyed the Marriage of the ummah
@@piqueny8872A husband is supposed to help and take care of the kids regardless. It is his duty as a father just as much as the mother.
It takes two to make the marriage works and honest communcation. Have a talk about expectations and the way of life they're going for. Make time for each other.
Sometimes, parents raised mummy's boy and ALL houseworks fall to the wife including picking up dirty laundry from the floor. Not even helping out with the washing up, setting the table, hanging laundry, etc. These may seem minor but it will make a huge difference.
Today's desi women are fed up being a 'single' married-wife. And are more outspoken against oppression and injustice from the husband and in-law. It's why we're seeing such high divorce request from the wives. Men need to become real men, a real protector and provider. Not loser that uses wife as maid. And stay out all day at friends and his wider family.
💯
If you can't do the housework on your own, you might be the loser.
@@MrOsmanu Someone's butthurt... Go hire a maid or run back to Mummy and your Sisters and sister-in-law's. And play on your playstation whilst you're at it lmao.
@@jajazzzzz Desi women have become very masculine, they may seem like they are feminine, but in the household they try to wear the pants and the men take a step back to try to keep the "peace" in the family.
It would be good if prior to nikkah there was a short course for couples to understand their roles as a husband/ wife according to shariah & otherwise , also the vetting process needs to be more thorough . It’s also important that there’s a good family support network on both sides if possible.
Most importantly both need to fear Allah in how they treat one another both in marriage & divorce if it gets to that .
Easy fix. If spouses pray every prayer together on time without fail, you will stay together. Prayer should be the foundation of your marriage… speak from experience 👊🏾
If the husband is at work how can he pray with his wife All prays?
Don’t work if religion is not a priority in everything couples do the marriage will fail
Especially interference if in laws
Completely 💯 agree! Praying together keeps the waswas and Shayateen away.
@@piqueny8872 Thank you for sharing your thoughts brother. I appreciate today living in the west means working for an employer, but I would encourage each Muslim to open their own business. This will allow you to both earn money without being dependent on a wage thereby giving you the opportunity to establish the worship of Allah swt in your house. It's your duty as a husband and father if you have children to make this happen for your families sake. As for interference from in-laws, you as the man of your own household should be able to set boundaries with anyone that interacts with you. If you're unable to, I would suggest you seek assistance through your community or family members who can support you to achieve this.
@@piqueny8872 it’s why I always advice my sisters NEVER marry a man that isn’t consistent with his prayers.
If he isn’t committed to ﷲ, how will he commit to you? Same works vice versa. Don’t marry a sister that doesn’t pray.
@@SA-dl6sua Muslim marriage organisations found out men who were seeking marriage where pray 5 times!
yet they had gfs baby mommas did drugs alcohol had tattoos
the local imam confessed some married men who attended farj in the masjid but admitted they were off to the brothel houses after pray tellin the wife they were still at the masjid doing extra worship
A person may pray fast during Ramadan yet there characters and actions is haram
You have to Check all boxes these days not just based on there prays
I don't agree staying with spouses who are not praying at all. Maybe give them some time with showing tham that u are not pleased what they doing. but someone who refuse to praying has no Deen nor does he have Akhlaal prayer is commanded by every prophets and make sure their love families prayed
How we are raised affects how committed we are to the marriage. I truly worry for the generations to follow because they are being taught that EVERYTHING can be replaced if you don't like it, and there is very little self-accountability.
The hard work starts from the moment a child is born. Teaching our children the importance of discipline and not just the pleasure of consuming.
We Muslim men think that if we get one with hicab, our lives will be easier and we will be saved. Unfortunately, we only have a picture in front of us, but we know nothing about this person's past. Everyone should know that a woman is not programmed for emotions but for survival. And if she's convinced she can't survive with you, you'll be a very, very, very....................... have a very difficult time.
Such an important topic 🙌🏽
It’s so sad to hear this …marriage needs patience and Rahma and compassion for your partner. It takes 2 to build a healthy marriage and 1 to destroy it 💔… May Allah bless you my brothers and sisters with god fearing spouses
Nicely said
Marriage is failing because we are never taught how we are supposed to be married
married the one who Allah choose not yours
Marriage is failing because of social media. One thing people forget there’s always going to see someone you’re better than and see someone better than you. Marry for Allah’s sake and you will be okay! Stay single if you can’t respect your spouse for Allah’s sake!
Bear in mind all these topics that are issues now have been dealt with by an older generation with patience
Ma’sha’Allah very good podcast
The previous generation failed us. They shared little to no wisdom from their experiences with their mature children. They didn't work on strengthening their own marital bonds and swept their issues under the rug, expecting their children to do the same. They under valued Islamic tarbiyyah and over valued a secular worldly education. They did not verbalize and clarify expectations with their mature children and expected them to be obedient and pious intuitively, despite not providing proper Islamic guidelines and letting public school corrupt their children's worldview.
So what are you going to do about it then? Past is in the past…
What sheikhs/scholars should we contact and ask for help? Noone is available. They offer counselling which is often very expensive. Once I called an imam, he was rude and dismissed me.
True
If you live in the US or not there are Muslim psychological services available now, not perfect I get it… but there is something
Very good
Social media..
Big problem
Parents gave the children too much unislamic freedoms
Not enough adult responsibilities
Taught or given
This generation life is work travel vacations out with friends party celebrate every haram holiday
Take pictures for social media
Me myself and I worldly gain
There needs to be mass research on Muslims, we don’t have enough data on ourselves to have a starting point of where to start solving the problems
It is bcz of social media
The ladies and men are watching everything in the social media and it has negative impact on their social relationships
One thing I didn’t necessarily agree on is just say you are open to living with in laws, u do your nikah then move in the after some time u realise actually I’m not comfortable with this, you shouldn’t have just stick it out because that could cause resentment towards the husband and then the marriage breaks down either way.
That's why communication is very important. Emphatic Communication would work in this case 😊
There’s always a third party ! That’s why . It’s not the woman’s fault all the time . Sometimes the men have female friends and ex’s that they still keep in contact with . It’s so sad wallahi .
Because we are far from the religion of Allah (SW). I never seen 2 true worshiper of Allah (SW) having difficulty staying together. But if you're a dayuuth and she believes Feminism is above the law of Allah (SW) good luck with staying married and having a happy marriage. This is very simple. If you want to be happy in this life and next, then make Allah (SW) happy by following his rules.
Foreplay is less fun when you marry late so marry early (around 16-17 if possible).
They are still kids at that age,,, and marrige is not only about foreplay,,, get your priorites right xx
@@catcoffee7958 did you go to middle school? We were foreplay with our girlfriend in 8th grade (Haram!)
@@catcoffee7958 16 and 17 year old are not kids just because government says it is. But ofcourse follow the rules in the country. They are not kids regardless.
Hit the gym and eat healthy… muscles never age so get going and soon you will be young again
@@catcoffee7958😂😂. Istaqfurullah. 17 year old man or woman is not a child.