TSF Asexual Interview Series: When Did You First Know?
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- čas přidán 18. 06. 2023
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Learning more about Asexuality made me realize that I'm not "Pansexual" like I thought I was; I'm Panromantic, for sure, but Asexual feels more comfortable to me.
I too referred to myself as pansexual for a long time, and found that panromantic asexual fits much better! 😸
A lot of people actually identify as pansexual/bisexual before ace ! It makes sense !
pov: u used to think ur pansexual but really ur actually aromantic and asexual.. i did this, who can relate?
27 year old man and I'm only just coming to terms with this, I thought there was something wrong with me and that I'd failed at being a man cos I didn't care about getting girls and didn't have this obsessive attitude towards it like alot of my my peers seemed to at high school/university. It's hard knowing you're an odd one out and that most people just can't fundamentally understand but It's also a relief to know I'm not alone and that people are being more open about this
It took me (and a few other people I know) a while to come to terms as well, especially considering the society we're set up in! I'm sorry you spent time feeling like you'd failed, let me tell you, you've fully succeeded in being yourself!! 😁 We're hoping these videos not only bring our community together to feel less alone, but to help allo people understand our experience! You're not alone and we're so glad you're here!!
That person who mentioned the Archivist and the Magnus Archives is a real one
I started to suspect I was different in college. I took a sexuality class and we took a test on our level of sexuality. My score was the lowest, even lower than what it could have been since I could not answer some of the questions honestly. Now over 20 years later, and with no relationships whatsoever, I understand now that I have likely been asexual for all my life. No regrets at all!!!!!!!
That's so interesting your college had a sexuality test! I wonder if more things like that would help students learn of asexuality!
I'm a little envious that all these Aces were so young when they found out. I've just been existing through life until my 30's! I realised it when I wasn't doing the same things as them 😂
Haha very valid! I think a few of them knew the "feeling" but didn't know about the actual term/label till later! We hope our videos shed light sooner for today's youth!
It took me until 28 to find out I am an agender aroace. Did not know about any of these for very long.
Really good video, Im so happy to see other asexual people and, actually relate to what they are saying feels so wholesome
Thank you! Sense of community is everything! 💜
So happy to hear experiences that are like mine!!! I am 23 and I honestly also knew ever since I started puberty
Thank you for sharing your experience! I'm so glad you could relate
I'm 26, I always knew something is different with me when it comes to sexuality, I first heard about asexuality when I was 21, but I couldn't be honest enough with myself. I always felt bad about myself, I thought something is wrong with me because I wasn't attracted to girls, I felt that I am not man enough. I thought that maybe I'm gay, but later I realized that I just don't feel sexual attraction for anyone. Now I am 100% sure that I am asexual, but still I don't have the courage to come out and tell people the truth.
I had a hard time being honest with myself too. We're hoping our videos can step in and help people feel pride about being ace! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's okay to not have the courage to come out yet, everyone's journey is different and we can't accomplish everything at once. Take your time 💜
I literally love this sm because I feel like we have no representation and it’s so so hard
We're here to create some rep! Hang in there friend
I always kinda felt it, especially in middle and high school when everyone was constantly about that life, and I just wasn't.
I didn't learn about the term until I was 28.
Same here, it was always there, but didn't have the term until years later!
i just understood i was asexual very recently (a few days ago in fact) and it has been a long and hard journey accepting it but watching videos like this helps me comes to terms with it so to start off i really want to thank you! growing up i'd never found the appeal of sex and didn't really liked discussing sex unlike all my friends. i never felt sexual attraction towards any gender and for a long time i thought there was something wrong with my body, and not that i was asexual. and a long time ago i did identify as asexual, but i thought i was too young to determine that yet. So fast froward, its my first time in a physical relationship and my ex and my friends cracked jokes about us having sex, but even the thought of it made me felt nauseous . i thought i wanted these things and i thought i was supposed to want these things, so i didnt understand why i felt that way. so its all come full circle now- younger me was right, i am asexual.
We are so happy to hear that, that means this channel is doing its job! I had a very similar experience growing up and it makes me happy that we've found community 💜
I'm questioning whether i'm asexual right now so i get the watching videos part.
awesome to see so many ace people :)
This was AWESOME! Would love to see more in depth interviews with each of these lovely humans!! Also a big thank you for including older aces like myself. Just turned 50
Thank you so much! And absolutely!! 💜
Learning about attraction in my psychology class today was really uncomfortable because my teacher was really pressing that all romantic attraction is rooted in the physical attraction and I tried to explain as vaguely as possible that there are alot of people who don't work that way. I'm not sure what I would call myself but I do not desire and have even felt fully repulsed from the idea of physical intimacy and I just feel alot of dissonance with the idea of all attraction or romantic or platonic being tied back to sex, I really belive the issue I have with so many psychology theories is that they generally tie back to sex and reproduction which not everyone desires so it's hard to see that as the root of motivations and makes everything feel so dated and difficult or me to agree with.
It's definitely wild when people try to uphold outdated ideas! Science has come so far since those theories and our understanding of attraction and how our minds & bodies work, yet people like to just stick to older ideas it seems haha. I'm glad your mind is open and that you recognize how you feel vs. how people want you to feel or think you "should" feel. Glad you're here!
I am glad you advocated for us and our ways :) Thank you, friend :)
I remember I first realized around 4 years ago in my freshman year of high school. Every week or so there would be a few people that would come talk to the class about...mental health, I guess? Something like that. Anyway, at one point they read out the definition of asexual, and I'm not even joking, I went to my mom that same day, and without skipping a beat, told her "Hey mom. I'm asexual" and then she told me "Oh, no, you won't know until you try it"
BRO THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. Like even before I found out, I was always repulsed by sex. I remember my middle school science teacher was talking about sex ed and said something along the lines of "You'll all try it one day" and I was just sitting there bamboozled thinking "What?? NO. That sounds disgusting!" Lol
Wow! I'm really glad your school actually introduced the term to you, that's amazing!
And I hate that age-old "you won't know until you try", such a terrible thing to say.
Glad to see a fellow sex-repulsed ace here! :)
39. Because I believed the stereotype that asexuals cannot experience romantic feelings.
I too believed that stereotype for a long time!
This is such a good video, I wished I watched something like this when some years ago. I hope next generations will find this kind of videos
Thank you so much for the kind words! Same here 💜 That's our goal with this project: to make it easier for the kids after us 🌞
I was around 18 when I fully accepted and understood it.
Love to hear it!!
Magnus archives reference!
I don't really remember when it first started. I know I started questioning my sexuality when I was 12 because I just really did not think about boys in the same way other girls my age did. So I was definitely wondering about "gay" for a while there. I don't think it was too much later that I was wondering if I was ace because I really didn't feel myself attracted to ANYONE in that way. I definitely felt more...synergy? Comfortable? ...Compatibility with girls, but I really didn't understand what the whole deal with sex was. I wasn't repulsed by it, but I didn't get why it was such a thing. But I chalked it up as me being too young and just let that thought cook. Keep an eye on it but just let time decide.
And then 7 years passed and I still can't say that I've ever felt sexual attraction and I'm really feeling like I don't need more confirmation to start using the label of "ace". I might be demi or something, don't really know, but at this point I feel pretty confident that I'm on the asexual spectrum XD
Right, I feel like a lot of young ace people question it when we don't yet know the split-attraction model yet!
I was sure about my asexuality when i was 31 year old.
In 2011.
@@harrilahti-luopa5953 💜💜💜
ty for the rep!!
💜💜💜
So here's my story:
Mom and dad split up when I was two. I grew up never really seeing my vio dad, except once in the news. Eventually mom remarried a guy who would talk sex talk all the time, show me various toys and porn. This included fondling.He called this education. I got weird about sex and relationships even before puberty. To me it wasn't ever really something I wanted, it was just something we as humans did. It struck me as odd that my peers were all about dating and such, they seemed obsessed. I thought maybe that was "normal" and pretended to be like them. Thing is it never felt right; I tried it all; heyero felt the most comfortable, but still kind of dirty. One girl actually did call me out for pretending, and shorrly after that I simply avoided relationships and especially sex altogether.
One night in my 20's I saw a documentary on asexuality, much of it resonated with me, but I dismissed tye possibility for myself aa an aversupn because of my stefather.
Over many years of first seeking therapy ((you'd be surprised how difficult it is to find a therapist that is even willing to treat a boy who has been sexually abused) and then finally finding one, I managed to get past my aversion, but noticed my attractions never really had anything to with sex. Of course most people never believed me, or told me something was wrong with (I'm sure you all know that story). My favorite one was the idea that my standards were too high.
Anyway, a few years ago a friend in a LARP group came out as ace, which I already knew about so was perfectly okay with. Tgis started some big debate on the topic. Meanwhile, I atarted revisiting the idea. The more I explore the more it fits. Whether my asexuality has anything to do with the abuse or not is irrelevant. Sure the abuse may have broken me, but I'm mended now and accept who I am as I am. Iam done pretending for anybody, including myself.
Richard, thank you so, so much for being brave enough to share your story here, I'm sure those who have been through similar things can appreciate it. I'm glad you have overcome and are overcoming all this, especially the frustrating parts. I am always disappointed in the medical & therapist field for their attitudes around asexuality and around sexual abuse. And you are so right, asexuality doesn't matter whether it has anything to do with prior experiences or not - an ace is an ace, and we're all in this together sharing our various experiences. I'm very sorry to hear what you have gone through, but I'm glad that you are being the most authentic version of yourself. Sending love & support! 💜
Pretty much today actually
We're so glad you found our channel then!
@@traceyshortfilm its nice to be able to put a name to it
YOOOO I DIDN'T REALIZE JOHNNY SIMS FROM TMA WAS ACE! THAT'S SO COOL!
It’s more like Jon Sims (the character) is ace and bi, Jonny sims (the creator) is openly bi, not sure about the asexuality part tho :) but yeah love that ace rep!
42yo maleb here. I always find women attractive and enjoyed light kissing, touching and playing but not sex. It really feels like trying to get excited over washing dishes.
I only found out at 37. Whilst it's great to know you're not alone, I've never been able to have kids because sex just never worked for me. It's not as roses and unicorns. I'd rather be straight than be looking this tbh
Thank you for sharing your story Paul! I agree, community is important and so is sharing the harder parts of the asexual experience. Sending you support & wishing you all the best! 💜
Any young people that find this just try not to label yourself. Just be yourself and be happy. I was never interested in dating or sex and I was fine with that for a long time. But as I got older there came a time when I really crave companionship. I felt the biological clock ticking and I wanted to be a mom and that's fine too. change is good change means you're growing as a person. I'm glad that I was never labeled asexual when I was in high school or college because that might have prevented me from finding happiness later. Moral of the story just be you and don't let anyone put you in a box.
Hi there! Thank you so much for sharing your story! 💜Asexuality has to do with sexual attraction, and ace people can still crave companionship, be interested in dating, become mothers, get married, etc! :) You’re right, people don’t need a label - But, we think it’s really important to acknowledge that labels can help individuals understand themselves better, take pride in who they are, and especially: find community with other people just like them. Whether an individual chooses to label themselves is completely up to them! :) We agree, be yourself and be happy - whatever that looks like for you! Wishing you the best!
NO IM SCARED OF THAT!! I DONT WANAN CHANGE BEING AROACE IS SOOOO COOL!!!!